Sometimes solitary confinement isn’t a bad thing. Photo: Christopher Dunlea
My cell phone has this handy compass app that always allows me to find north and ultimately the direction I am walking in. Before that I made sure to have a regular compass with in use so I would always find my way. A compass is with all best intentions a rather fool proof device. Through the years I always felt that my internal compass seemed to work rather successfully as well. At the moment when I look back over the course of the last ten years, even the last twenty maybe I was wrong. I think I may have been walking around in circles for my entire life.
The more I meditate on this matter the more disturbing it all becomes. Take this instance right now while I am sitting here writing these very words. I am sitting in the same apartment (relatively) I have lived in for the past 6 years or so. I am in the same town, working the same job, patronizing the same watering whole, surfing the same breaks. Despite all of this inherent familiarity I feel more lost, alienated and confused then ever before. If my entire life had not been with in this theme such could have been quite the alarming realization.
If your wondering what gibberish I am getting at here I cant really say. I am trying to convey a loose reason for why I have felt less then creative and thus been less then productive here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net. I sort of feel like the past 8 years of my life have went by as if part of a lucid dream of sorts. When I look back on all of the stupidity, misadventures, the pain, the heart ache, it all just doesn’t see real. Finally all of that has come to a head of sorts and left me here in front of this computer screen typing this hardly coherent piece.
“A life with out purpose is a purposeless life”. I read that somewhere once and it always kind of pissed me off. What if you just don’t have a purpose. Shit, can everyone really have a purpose? I feel like then there would be way too many people out there for so many purposes. What about those of us who just sort of want to float. Is there anything wrong with that? I don’t think there is. I have spent the past three years or so trying to loosely fit into the society that I am “suppose to”. It hasn’t worked and now I am over it.
The relentless circle I have been walking in for the past twenty years needs to come to an end. I wish to begin walking forward again. I don’t have answers yet and truth be told have barely even formulated a plan. I can tell you this I have some bold thoughts and notions running around in my head at the moment. In the mean time I am as usual going to “keep keeping on” cause that truly is the only way to survive in this life.
Please forgive me for the lack of words published this or last month. I will try and make a greater effort to write something at least once a week for my own personal sanity. Kooky has finally send in a correspondence for Africa which will be shared as a Kooky Korner . I have only briefly perused it but from what I read I must say it is one of his better works. I have a new book club entry as well to publish. Look for a blog on my most recent Big Sur adventure and of course other little tid bits from the Lisanti everyday as usual published daily in the surflog. I promised as soon as I figure my shit out and what is next for Chris Lisanti you folks will be the first to know.
One thing we can always count on in life is that there will always be moments of beauty even in the most insipid of scenarios. Photo Christopher Dunlea
Surfing Ruined My Life 