Archive for September, 2011

What can I say about Aaliyah?  Another great artist taken from this world far beyond her time.  Killed in a plane crash in 2001 at the tender age of twenty two.  She was a beautiful talented individual whose loss was deeply felt through out the world.  4 Page Letter is off of her album One in a Million.  The song itself really speaks to me.  A few years ago I was working a dead end job at a gas station, where surprisingly I only got paid a buck less an hour to do less then half the amount of work I do now.  Go figure.  But hey being a chef is a respectable job right?  I get paid to cut shit up into different arranged pieces all day and make sure food does not burn in an oven.  Its not all that complicated folks.

Back in the days of the gas station the only channel the radio we had behind the counter would get was the local hip hop one that basically played the same sixty songs on loop.  In the course of eight hours I got to hear everything at least twice, everyday.  You think with all the fucking songs out there in existence we could get some variety on the radio.  Alas the promotional and marking people need to sell, sell, sell!

4 Page Letter was one of those songs that came on at least once a shift and I did not mind at all.  I have written a few of these letters in my life.  Three to be exact.  The movies lead on to believe all you should have to write is one.  I guess I have not figured out how to word one correctly yet.  The first one worked quite well actually, but logistically we were doomed before even getting off the ground.

The second one I deep down inside knew was a lost cause, but did it anyway cause I am a romantic fool like that.  The third I was rather sure of an adverse outcome as well.  Like I always say “you miss 100% of the pitches you don’t swing at”.  My friends one thing you count on when it comes to Chris Lisati is that I will always no matter how bad the odds against me go down swinging.  Hey maybe the forth time will be the charm, or maybe I wont ever have to write a letter at all cause she will just get me as I am.

I think there is something to be said for having the ability to put such emotions down on paper and give it to someone else.  Opening up yourself to so much vulnerability.  I mean once its out there on cold hard paper there is no taking it back.  Your heart and soul put out there.  I have always found love letters to be things off great beauty in any form.  There was a time before phones, internet, text messaging and convenient travel  when all people had were letters.  Sometimes couples would write to one another for months or years with out any other contact then such letters.  Could you imagine how joyous a reunion between those two intertwined souls must have been after months of sharing intimate letters?

While you listen to this song think about that and the power of the written word when it comes straight from the heart.


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Chocolate Strawberry Tart

 mmm…Chocolate and even better Strawberries!!!  I know I have for years put my nose up to baking, but these days I find when I am really stressed out I bake. For whatever reason baking relaxes me.  I think it is because of how much focus it takes to get the recipe correct.  When you cook you can throw a little bit of this and that and save the dish, but when you bake it has to be exact to the umpteenth degree and if you mess up there is no saving it.  It is that level of focus that allows me to take my mind off of whatever problems I am having at that time.

I made this dessert back in mid July to impress a date.  Dinner ended up being so filling, Egg Plant Rollatini with Angel Hair Pasta in my families age old Marinara Sauce with Garlic Bread, that we never made it to dessert, instead moving right on to a nice bottle of Prosecco on the beach while basking in the beautiful lighting of a full moon.  It was quite the spread, although I would later find out from that unappreciative bitch that as she put it “my cooking was trash”.  Whatever (see yesterdays blog The State of Lisanti Land Address all about Whatever).

Anyway this Tart is bound to impress any female you decide to bake it for.  I mean it has a splendid strawberry walnut crust filled with a rich chocolate strawberry filling topped with fresh strawberries.  It’s a girls best friend.  Pair it with a bottle of Moscato D’Asti or a Champagne or Prosecco and you are bound to have a good night.  Maybe that is where I blew it, not taking the tart with me to the beach.  In hindsight I am glad I did not cause that chick was definitely not worth it.  Its rather tasty and somewhat simple to make although a bit time consuming.

Serving Size: 8
Total Cost: $13.75
Prep Time: 1 hr
Bake Time 25 mins
Rest Time: 2 hrs

Ingredient List:

  • Crust
    • All Purpose Flour – 1 cup
    • Sugar – 3 table spoons
    • Salt – ¼ tea spoon
    • Walnuts – 1 ½ oz
    • Unsalted Butter – ½ cup (chilled)
    • Egg Yolk – 2 yolks
    • Strawberry Jam – 1/3 cup
  • Filling
    • Whipping Cream – ¾ cup plus 2 table spoons
    • Semisweet Chocolate – 6 oz (chopped)
    • Strawberry Jam – 1/3 cup
    • Strawberries – 2x 1 pt basket (hulled and halfed)

 Step 1: Mix ingredients for your crust: In a food processor mince walnuts till they are a sand like composure.  In a large mixing bowl combine flour, sugar, salt and processed walnuts.  Add in butter.  Make sure to break the butter up into tiny pieces before addition to the mixture.  Mix by hand or with an electric mixer (I used an electric mixer) till it resembles a coarse meal.  Add Yolks and Strawberry Jam and mix until moist clumps form. Gather dough into a ball and flatten into a disk.  Wrap in plastic wrap and chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

Your meal like conformity of dry ingredients and butter.

Your rough dough after adding jam and egg yolks

Your dough disk pre-cooling

Step 2: Form Crust: Preheat Oven to 375 degrees F.  Butter a 9” diameter pan with removable bottom if possible, you can use a fixed bottom pan if it is all you have, I did.  Roll out your chilled dough between two sheets of wax paper to around an 11” diameter.  Remove top sheet of wax paper. Turn you dough upside down so that the wax paper on the bottom is now on the top and firmly press it inside the pan till it fits snug.  Remove paper and trim the edges of your crust so that it just comes over the pan.  Fold edges  just over the top of pan.  Freeze crust for 15 minutes.  Bake 25 minutes or till golden brown.  Spread another 1/3 cup of Jam over the crust and bake another 4 minutes till jam sets. Remove from oven and allow to cool at room temperature.

Crust pre-baking

Step 3: Make Filling: Heat cream in heavy small saucepan on a medium flame until bubbles appear around edge of pot.  Remove from flame and add chocolate.  Stir till completely melted and blended with cream.  Cool until mixture is beginning to thicken, stirring occasionally.  It should still be pourable, probably around 40 to 50 minutes.  Pour Chocolate filling into crust. Refrigerate for at least two hours till filling solidifies.

Chocolate filling poured into my very sad looking crust. I suck at crusts still, but they are getting better.

Step 4: Arrange Strawberries: Cut the tops off of all berries and then half them.  This can be down while you wait for step three to finish.  Arrange on top of tart as shown in the picture or whatever way your little heart desires.  Enjoy.

Now Tell me that does not look to die for. Still think this wont get you laid?

Just in case you were wondering what the Lisanti Land kitchen where all of these master pieces get cooked up in looked like here it is. Pretty gnarly huh?


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Enough said.

Well kiddies out there in Cyber Lisanti Land, (the physical Lisanti Land exists in Santa Barbara California, Cyber Lisanti Land on the other hand is everything that SurfingRuinedMyLife.net encompasses) I thought it would be a good time to bring you up to speed on just what has been going on here.  September has been a rather slow blog month and for that I apologize.  Ok, you got me I really don’t give a fuck at all.

What have I been up to you ask?  Drinking for one thing.  That’s right I’m back on the bottle.  I gave that good citizen God loving crap a try for a few months.  I tried to tell myself I was happy and that if I prayed to Jesus all would be better.  Guess what I’m not happy, well err let me rephrase that.  I am happy.  I mean shit I’m going on five straight days of Rincon and tomorrow will make six See Surf Log.

Happiness is one of those things that just may be a crock of shit only to be enjoyed by those of a lower mental plane.  Intelligent people know too much to just believe in blind happiness.  I would like to quote Aldous Huxley, from his novel Brave New World (yes my Jersey friends its not just a bull shit sell out chain of surf shops).

“Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over compensations for misery. And of course stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability.  And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt.  Happiness is never grand.”

So if being happy means being completely bored out of my skull then no thank you I will take misery.  Besides isn’t it all the adversity, mostly self brought upon, I face in my everyday life that makes surfingruinedmylife.net such a fun place to visit?

You bet your ass it does.  When things are going shitty for me my hits here are always through the roof.  I write a few blogs about how nice and happy everything is and I’m lucky if I get 15 hits.  Misery loves company folks.  We are in this bullshit life together.  Whatever the case I am still going to make the most out of it I possibly can.

I live on that “grand” scale so to speak.  Not to float my own boat (wait I have my own website devoted to doing just that) but that is exactly what my life is: GRAND!  I don’t think I would want it any other way.  I have tried that mellow settled down crap and it just is not me.  I think I am only happy when constantly faced with adversity.  So be it. I suppose that is my plight in this life.  Don’t cry for me Argentina. I’m not sitting here playing the world’s smallest violin.

Back on the God thing for a moment, I have nothing wrong with organized religion and everyone was super nice to me there.  I was bored to tears when I attempted to live like that and truthfully after some long hard cogitation I just could not come up with a decent reason to believe.  I believe in myself and the power I possess with in to make the best decisions in my life for me.  No book written a thousand times over is going to tell me how to live.  If those are your beliefs I do not think any less of you and wish you the best, but I am going back to my agnostic self.  (see “Finding err…God” for more about my recent conversion)

I am not going to sit back and blindly believe that there is some master divine plan out there for me.  I will make my own plan thank you.  Now that I am back on track with my hedonistic egocentrism let me just say the adventures have been numerous.  Some I have told, some I have forgotten, some I did not wish to tell at this time and others are for my own personal vault.

Work started up back at Westmont again.  I was promoted to dinner cook II meaning I get to work with a variety of recipes on a daily recipe and has boosted my erudition of culinary technique through the roof.  I learn more there in one day then I have learned in a semester at school.  I thought with my promotion may have come a raise.  Instead I got twice the responsibility with the same old pay.  Maybe next time around, nonetheless I love my job and next to surfing is the second happiest place I find these days.

School is school.  I am super unmotivated, but I know it is a means to an end.  I have a new goal in life and that is to be able to some day afford life with out a roommate.  I think it is rather feasible.  Upon getting out of school hopefully I can get a decent job running my own kitchen for $20 plus an hour.  I have given up on long term plans.  For now I am just focusing on finishing school and becoming the best damn chef I can.

I have decided that 2011 is going down in the history of Lisanti Land books as the year of WHATEVER!  That’s right, I just don’t give a fuck anymore about anything.  Its been a rather tough year for me and how I am still alive is beyond me.  I definitely acquired a few more wrinkles on my brow from all the pain.  My boy Ryan says all I have went through is good cause it builds character.  I feel like I have enough character.  Shoots, I could fill the backgrounds of like six different characters.

Whatever, I don’t give a fuck.  I have also come to the conclusion that I am an emotional masochist, only happy when I am pining over a member of the opposite sex.  So far I have not gotten that right and at this point most likely never will.  Look for some blogs about this coming soon.  I promise you they will be worth the wait.

Currently there is one woman in my life.  She seems to find great pleasure in the persecution me emotionally every chance she gets.  Every time I tell myself I am finished with her bilge she pulls me back in.  Then again that is why I am crazy.  Insanity: doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.  I love her just the same and will take her prodding as long as necessary to either bring her to me or push her away for good.  Maybe that is what love is all about, wanting to be with someone despite their treatment of you.  I know there is so much good inside her, even if she does not see it of herself.

Between the girl, work, school, surfing, drinking at the Wild Cat and all the other preposterousness that goes on I have not been left with all that much time to write.  2011 is the year of WHATEVER.  I promise in 2012 I will try again at life.  For the next three months please no pity emails, interventions, “Chris we care about you and think you are wasting your potential” messages.  Let me do whatever the fuck I want and if I make it to 2012 I promise to do something constructive in the new year.

This is me turning my back on life for the next three months. It kind of looks like Field of Dreams except I am walking into the vines in stead of corn. That's because I find no pleasure in drinking corn syrup.

Even Alfie is over it.


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Kooky Kyle takes the cake on the last UCB of the quarter with the topic “lightning”.  Him and I were actually discussing this topic while cruising around the streets of NYC on my most recent jaunt back east (see blog: A Trip Back East for those deatails). Out of all of my friends he was the only one to come see my performance in the East Village and for that I was rather stoked.  He had never heard me play before and I think was left a bit awestruck good or bad I do not know.  He gets one point for his efforts.  Sorry Kooky no double points for you.

I have two interesting stories to tell about lightning and although rather far fetched I can vouch for both and actually have witnesses for both.  When it comes to something as crazy as lightning anything is possible.  A fellow psychotic die hard surfer gave me some wise advice when I was a teen “There are two things you should never mess with, sharks and lightning”.  I have yet to heed his warning.  I fuck with both.  Surfing in some of the most shark infested water to surfing through full on lightning storms.  That brings us to our first story.

The Flaming Barrel

 About seven years ago or so I was out surfing in front of the Lost Castle (nickname given to my run down beach bungalow I lived in on 2nd Ave, Manasquan, NJ.  Currently we call my abode in Santa Barbara the Lisanti Palace although it is far from a palace and more like a run down crack house.).  It was mid August and the surf had been down for nearly two weeks.  We finally got an inkling of a tropical swell with a very short window.  I am talking hours here.

Conditions were trash with heavy onshore winds thanks to the extremely hot weather.  In the summer NJ on such days as a result of all the humidity is garnished with intense thunderstorms.  The storms bring a good deal of thunder and lightning. They also bring offshore winds with them.  The catch is the offshore winds usually only last while the storm is hitting.  This makes for perfect yet dangerous surfing conditions.

We like to call these surf sessions, electric sessions for obvious reasons.  My buddy Sorbo and I had paddled out at Sea Watch beach and were making the most of the crowded chest high blown to shit conditions.  As we are sitting out there we noticed the ominous black clouds on the horizon, which could only mean one thing, bad weather.  As always when adverse weather arrives on the beach there is a mass exodus of fleeing beach goers to escape the rain and lightning.

The storm cleared the line up and the wind began to pick up turning absolute garbage into perfect little cylinders.  Immediately we found ourselves getting shacked off our ass.  Then it started to rain, torrential down pour.  It was raining so hard it made it hard to see.  Still using my surf senses I was grabbing good tube after good tube.  The lightning started and we could tell this was not going to be one of these thunderstorms where the lightning stayed up in the clouds or hit far away.

Sorbo and I could see it hitting all around us and at one point even felt the heat from the strokes.  At this point we thought of leaving, but my justification for staying out was that it was most likely more dangerous to get out and run up the beach for cover.  Lightning loves to get people on the beach. Sorbo was a tough sale, but I told him I read it somewhere.  Rule of thumb when attempting to convince a person on anything tell them “you read it somewhere or saw it on the news”.  Nine times out of ten they will take your word for it.

Right after we made the decision to stay and surf I ended up snagging a solid head high bowl and backed doored the thing.  While in the barrel all I could see was yellow and orange and it was hot in there.  Then I came out and there was a huge crash of thunder.  I was all disoriented and Sorbo was sitting on the shoulder with a crazed look in his eyes.  According to his account a bolt of lightning hit the wave as I pulled in and all he saw was a bright flash of light and then me coming out of the barrel.

I believe that because I was in the tube the voltage went all around me with the water but never touched me.  I came out griming with no idea what happened or how close I had come to be fried.  Shortly after the storm cleared, the wind went back onshore and the crowd showed back up.  By far it was one of the strangest surfing experiences I have ever had.

The Circle of Death

It was the summer of 2002, mid August. Like I said that is peak thunderstorm season.  A group of my close friends, including my old roommate Cory, Mookie, CH, Brian M. and a few others were helping out with this free one day surf clinic at Manasquan Inlet courtesy of Quicksilver.  This was before all the surf camp mambo jumbo of today.  I was working at Ocean Hut Surf Shop at the time and was let out early to go represent the shop as another instructor.  I got there just as the thunderstorm was beginning to roll in and everyone scurrying off the beach for their lives.

I was standing under this cabana type thing they have up on the ocean walk there (Manasquan does not have a board walk, but an asphalt paved walk way along its beach front) slyly filling my pockets with Quicksilver promo gear.  I heard one of the loudest crashes of thunder I have ever auscultated in my entire life.  Upon looking up I saw all of my friends lying on their backs on the beach.

I wanted to go running to their aid, but then checked myself.   The lightning was not letting up and if they got hit they were probably dead anyway and I was not nearly qualified to give the kind of aid they would have needed for survival anyhow.  I stood there momentarily horrified.  Then one by one they began to get up and stagger back to the cabana.  As it turns out a bolt of lightning struck the sand directly in front of them and the whole group was brought down by the excess shock. Cory claims it was one of the scariest moments of his life.  All I can say is it was nuts to witness.

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Well everyone this week marks the last week of the summer quarter of the UCB.  The 21st has come and gone and like summer so has this quarter.  I must say it has been a rather dicey one and I have no idea at the moment who will win.  Before I tally up the points and claim a champion I first want to write September’s Power of Ten Blog, worth two points and there will be one more UCB blog written this week that will also be included for the Summer quarter.  Mauriello wins this months power of ten and earns two UCB points.  Here is his list.

1.  Asian Girls  – I have never dated an Asian girl.  I think it is because I am politically incorrect and call them Orientals.  In all seriousness I rarely find one that turns me on.  It is funny too cause most guys I talk to are all about the tiny Asian chicas.  I guess it is the en-vogue thing right now.  I did meet a guy from Korea at the bar once who after watching the girl I was with disrespect me multiple times before going home with some other guy all together (Santa Barbara Girls just exude class) told me I should meet an Asian girl fresh off the boat and she would treat me right.  There is this cashier at Albertsons, whom I have been friends with for years.  She is Chinese and although not a real looker I bet she would make a good wife.  I mean she works like 60 hours a week so I know she has good work ethic.  I should propose to her.  I figure it can’t be any worse then the women I spend my time with these days.

2.  Aiming While Peeing – For starters I have the worst aim ever when it comes to hitting the bowl.  When I am sober I have a 50/50 chance.  When I am drunk those stats drop considerably.  What that means is I clean a ton of piss off my bathroom floor.  I find it astounding that I am so challenged at a seemingly futile task.  I mean I am only 5’9 and I have a gargantuan penis leaving not all that much distance to cover.  I tried to write my name in the snow once and just ended up pissing all over myself.

3.  Shaving – I know I wrote an entire blog about this back in like 2006.  If someone goes back to the myspace site and finds it I will give you two UCB points.  Post the blog in the comments of this blog.  Anyhow I hate shaving and am terrible at it.  Like that peeing thing its just not something I have a finesse for.  I cut myself every other time I shave and my face hurts like hell afterwards.  I have tried those electric razors, but I am Italian and it does not get close enough leaving me with a five O’clock shadow only a few hours later.  I used to rock a beard for a while but I got tired of the Jesus/homeless/terrorists gags.  Maybe I should get electrolysis for my entire face.

4. Micheal Jackson – I love Jack-o even if at times he was a little wack-o.  His music was tight and his eccentricities entertaining.  I am very sorry he died his untimely death yet it might have been better for him to leave a world in which he was misunderstood.  I still do not believe he molested any children.  Well maybe just the British children.  Then again not even George Washington saved them.

5.  Emma Wood – Emma Wood is a shitty beach/reef break in Northern Ventura County.  Its a bowly punchy wave that is glorified shore break at best.  That being said it has become the epicenter of high performance surfing in the (805) and on any given day a host of local pros, groms, up and comers, rippers and has beens will be out battling for shitty little peaks.  One thing for sure it is one of the more consistent waves in the area, handles most swell directions and a wave can be found there over 300 days a year.  Also its a great wave to shoot photos on thanks to it’s proximity to the beach and is one of the few spots around here where you can watch the action from your car while smoking a bowl and chugging a brew.

6.  Disney Movies – I have to say I am a not a fan at all.  Some of the older stuff from the sixties are not horrible but overall you can take that G rated family shit and shove it up your ass.  I will raise my children on mafia movies like Casino and Scarface.  No sense making them grow up in a fantasy world only to find out what a cold relentless place it is later.  If I had to pick one I would go with Aladdin.  Jasmine had a nice rack and I would have titty fucked the shit out of her, then bent her over the bed and got her from behind.

7.  Teaching Dogs Tricks –  As far as I am concerned outside of herding dogs, seeing eye dogs and bomb squad dogs they are more trouble then they are worth.  I don’t care if they roll over, play dead or shake my hand.  You want a real trick, shit in the toilet, do not chew up the furniture and don’t eat shit that will make you puke.  Those are tricks I would want my fictitious dog to learn.  Movie dogs are ok too for entertainment value.  While we are on the subject I hate when people dress up their dogs.  It really makes me mad.

8.  Surf Board Quivers –  Been there, done that, wrote that.

9. Ice Sculptures –  I had a friend who did ice sculptures for a living a few years back.  The guy was crazy talented at it.  I always thought it would be really frustrating to spend all that time on something you knew was going to melt in a few hours for some stupid party for unappreciative rich people.  I would rather turn that block of ice into a liquor luge and have a real good time.

10.  Forrest Gump – On one hand I find Forrest Gump to be a rather powerful yet some what far fetched film.  On the other I get really pissed off to think that a fucking retard could do some much more in his life then I ever will.  Fuck him, his box of chocolates and Lieutenant Dan.  Jenny was a babe.  Too bad she was all messed up in the head like ever other bitch out there to realize what a good man she had. Sorry folks I am a little bitter this week.

Tell me that is not a cartoon you would not be all over?

I will take a mail order Asian.

Jack-o you are missed.

Emma Wood, an oldie but a goodie.

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A few months back some one asked who posted the most worthwhile topics to the UCB.  Well my friends I have to say if it’s not Scotty B then he is definitely in the top three.  Up until his recent suggestion today in my slump of eternal non-motivation nothing really got my fingers in gear on the keyboard.  Luckily Bees came through with a topic might I add that was so great it got me off my ass this very minute.  He asked plain and simply “What is your favorite choice of weapon that is not actually a weapon at all”.


I have a few favorites that I would turn to when in a situation where nothing else would do.  Here goes:


The Proverbial Prison Shank


This is the one weapon everyone should know how to make and use.  Face it, no matter how good of a person one is, he never knows when he may find himself incarcerated.  I once saw this Tom Selleck Movie call An Innocent Man (this was back when I was hooked on late night network television movies.  All I can say is they run some pretty strange ass shit on television at 2am, not to mention the amount of commercial breaks is obscene. Late night television is definitely a whole other blog all together.).  In the film Selleck is minding his own business when these two crooked cops show up at his house instead of the one next door to make a drug bust.  Selleck comes out of the bathroom with a hair dryer.  The cops mistakenly take it for a gun and shoot him.


To cover their ass the cops frame Selleck and he goes to prison for five years.  Basically to survive not getting raped in jail he as to shank the biggest meanest black guy there. After getting released from prison he goes and gets revenge on the cops.  It’s got all my favorite elements in a film, revenge, prison and of course Tom Selleck and his bad ass mustache.  I highly recommend checking the movie out.


After seeing that movie I decided that would for sure be my prison anal violation survival plan, shank the biggest gnarliest black guy there.  Now in the film Selleck makes his out of a piece of plastic he sharpened while on laundry detail.  As for me I think I will lean towards sharpening my toothbrush.  Remember the key is to break the end off so that there are no fingerprints tracing you back to the murder.  There is nothing worse then having to do another twenty to life, when you should be rewarded for sending a scum of the earth like that into the ground.  Hey, what do I know?  For one thing I just told you how to not get raped in prison.


2×4 with Rusty Nails Sticking Out the End


Have you ever been hit by a 2×4?  I have and it fucking hurts. Not only is it a contact weapon, but a 2×4 has a little give and flexibility in it thus creating a whip like thrashing.  Add in some rusty nails at the tip and you have a make shift home made mace that will not only slice up your antagonist, but possibly cause them to contract tetanus.  That’s no laughing matter.  Tetanus sucks, once contracted the victim gets lock jaw, swallows his tongue and dies a pretty miserable death.  At the very least he will have to get a tetanus shot and those little fuckers hurt like hell.  Do they really have to inject it right into your bicep?  Last time I got one it hurt for days.  Last word on the 2×4, if it happens to break in half on your opponent you can use the remaining piece as a stake, which may come in handy if the opposition turns out to be vampire.


Tire Iron


A tire iron is the ultimate weapon when you need something on the fly.  First off if you drive a car then you’re almost always bound to have one available.  Second they are heavy as fuck, adjustable in size, can be used as both a stabbing and bashing device and in most cases can be accurately thrown as well.  In my case cause of the amount of moisture in my trunk thanks to my surfing problem my tire iron is rusty as well and I do believe you just read in the previous item the advantage to rust besides being used to coax Salad Fingers into a lock box.  Final thought on this one.  Its pretty bad ass to say you beat someone with a tire iron.


Baseball Bat, Golf Club, Bike Chain with Lock


I lumped these three together because in my opinion they are all pretty standard go to weapons in people’s homes that are picked up when self defense is a necessity.  Baseball bats are great weapons.  Metal or graphite do tons of serious damage when wielded correctly and a wood bat if broken over your adversary once again becomes a stake, which also by the way is a great stabbing device.  A golf club is pretty self explanatory, I mean the word “club” is in the name.  My sister hit me with a bike chain straight across the back once in the garage because I was making fun of her.  I can tell you first hand it fucking hurt and left welts on my back for days.


Sock Full of Pennies


Finally we get to my favorite of the entire ghetto rigged weapons, the sock full of pennies.  It’s the reason “everyone should have a reverse peep hole on their door” (where is that quote from? First person to get it right with the person who said it gets an extra UCB point, half point for either one).  Think about this for a moment. You take a long tube sock and fill it a third of the way with pennies, knot it off at the top of the pennies and go town on your enemy swinging like a banshee.  We are talking black eyes, broken bones, bashed in skull, the works.  It’s easily concealed in your pocket.  When all is said and done burn the sock and spend the pennies, no more evidence.

Ok, this is more of a bum shank then a prison shank.

She may look tough with her wrench, but give me a sock full of pennies and my rusted nail 2x4 and its on.

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Last night I got dragged out by a good friend and then some of mine to go see this random band The Joy Formidable at Soho.  The event was $15 to get in and I hate spending that money on a group I have never heard and most likely was going to suck.  I have been to a few other shows there just because friends were going and have mostly been left less then impressed.  This group is from Whales, UK and when I first saw them take the stage my initial thought was they were going to just be another generic indy rock band.

It was this cute little blond girl fronting the group on guitar and vocals, a bassist and a drummer.  Then  they began to play and I was captivated.  I really dug what they had going on.  The combination of chords and melody of their songs reached me.  Remember indy rock is not really my bag so it is saying a lot if I am giving the group props.  The lady was a decent guitarist as well.  My first instincts were rather sexist figuring to get nothing more then some ugly power chords and distortion out of her.

I was really Impressed, fifteen smackers well spent.  My bar tab from both there and the Wild Cat on the other hand, plus the subsequent hangover leading to the shittiest day at work ever I could have lived with out. Such is life when your a party person and a drunk.  Buoy for me!!!

This song is off their new album The Big Roar.  Its called A Heavy Abacus and was one of the songs they played last night.  If you like the tune, check em out.  I know I will be downloading some of their stuff very soon. Enjoy.

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Ten years ago yesterday a shit ton of people died over a cultural misunderstanding and a long standing grudge.  Unfortunately the body count from that incident is still rising.  Humans are so fucked up.  I balled my eyes out crying that morning as I watched the towers burn on my television. It made no sense to me at all at the time and still doesn’t. I have a copy of time magazine on the incident a few weeks after that is like 200 pages with all sorts of stories.  I get choked up every time I look at it.

I was back east recently and got a glimpse of the slowly rising freedom tower.  To me the New York sky line will always be missing something, no matter how glorious the new structure may be.  Some blame Osama and Islam, others the US Government.  I blame humanity.  We have been casualties of each others hatred since the beginning of time.  The only difference is we have gotten more efficient at killing.

The more things change the more they stay the same…….

A friend once asked me why I decided to stop participating in society.  I simply replied that I created Lisanti Land because I was tired of being fed everyone else’s bull shit.  At least in my fantasy land I put on my rose colored glasses and see what I ever I wish.  A painted veil after all can do no harm to the wearer.  People take a look around you, things are not right with the world around us.  Maybe they have never been.

I would like to believe this is the worst catastrophe I will live to see, but I fear that I would be just lying to myself.

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My life has been a bit on the crazy side again.   I know, when is it not?  If it was not crazy why would you ever bother to read about it?  Well things have been gnarlier then usual and all fronts, surfing, work, social, home, romantically, school.  Basically I am getting it from all fronts.  Lisanti Land is with out a doubt on the brink of spiraling out of control.  Then again it usually is.  You can’t get apples from oranges.

What the fuck am I talking about? Shit, I don’t fucking know.  Its after midnight, I am not drunk for the first night in nearly two weeks.   I burned my hands terribly at work, had some disturbing, although not shocking news that bummed me out a bit not too long before this posting and overall am a bit unmotivated to do much of anything lately, yet have been doing everything.  I promise I will have a blog to bring everyone up to speed by this weekend, maybe even tomorrow,  I just need a day or so to compose my thoughts on things and how I wish to present them.

Sit tight I promise there will be chills, thrills, spills and as always plenty of laughs at my expense, but I could not think of a better way to present my life then through comedy.  Its the only way I keep from crying.   “A smile can defeat a frown” and “when your smiling the world smiles with you”.  Or At least is what everyone likes to hear.  If you want a sneak peak check out both the August and September pages of the surf log, which by the way has become more of a journal of my life then just a list of my surf sessions.  I may not update new blogs everyday but I do update that section just about everyday. Enough bullshit and on to the task at hand.  This edition of  “Groovin’ High“.

Music is such an important part of my life.  I am not just talking about as a performer.  I always, always have grooves playing and if not then I am most likely grooving in my head.  Certain songs I throw on for certain moments and Kanye West’s Everything I am has spoken to me since the first time I heard it while at the 2008 North East Surfing Championships in Montauk, NY, which by the way I won, taking every heat to the final.  I had just downloaded the album before I left for the comp.

At the time it was pretty much the beginning of the end for my wife (now ex-wife) and I.  That is a whole other series of blogs that may or may not ever be written.  Look for it in a fictional novel by me soon (soon meaning most likely never).  Why should I write a novel anyway, I mean no one reads anymore anyway.  This song really helped me put my shit in perspective.  I can rap basically the whole song too.  I think Kanye may even be calling me to perform it with him. Hmm…maybe I will sing that one next time at karaoke night.

I feel like the chorus really applies to me and my life perfectly: “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.  Its true. I have this persona on me that exudes many predisposed ideas to others of what I am about.  As a result of this I perpetually find myself in situations that constantly have me looking in the mirror in astonishment thinking “how did I get here”.  Truthfully I feel like I am the exact opposite of what most think of me.  Sure I help transmit these fallacies.  Its always easier to go along with the hype then to let others down.    So yeah; “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.

My closest friends and confidants know very well what it is I am talking about.  Maybe someday when I am ready I will explain that here.  In all honesty I would not even know where to begin. I think a bit of mystery is one of those spices in life that many never get to be a part of.  In a way I feel lucky.

To go a little deeper into the chorus I think most people can identify with it.  “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.  How many people do you know or yourself for that matter want to do something and then do the exact opposite because it was the “right decision”.  Basically if your not being true to yourself then you are living a lie.  Unfortunately I am guilty as charged most of the time and I think most would have to agree about that themselves.  If we live the lies long enough then “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.  I think I have only met a handful of people whom I can say I believed to be 100% honest with themselves and each one of them instantly earned my respect and admiration.

Don’t feel bad if that is not you.  Even the best of us get lost along the way.  Shoots what is the way anyhow?  Maybe this is the way and those other guys are the ones going down the wrong path.  What is wrong or right for that matter?  You see what it is like living in my brain even for a second.  I may seem smart and together on the outside but on the inside I am even more fucked up then you.

Enough philosophizing over a Kanye West song.  Musically I love the samples he put together for this one.  I have blown my sax over this track hundreds of times.  Its one of my favorites to jam out on.  Say what you want about Kanye, but the man is a talented rapper/producer and until 808 and Heart Breaks I have to admit I was super stoked on all his stuff and even 808 had its moments.  I just think he went a little overboard on that one.  I guess he has a new one coming out soon.  I must say I am rather stoked to hear it.  Wow this blog was bit on the ridiculous side.  Please don’t write me off.  I promise to have some worth while material at some point.  At the very least there are for sure some stories that have happened to me recently that will have you rolling on the the floor in painful fits of laughter.

Got to love the glasses.

This one was just too ridiculous for me not to include.

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This edition of Blast from the Past I would like to share a UCB I wrote back in October of 2009.  Even though it is a UCB no points will be awarded to this quarter to Scott for it. He already got his points back in 2009. Its a pretty funny blog I wrote about how I get off on saving money grocery shopping.  I always laugh ever time I peruse it.  I hope you enjoy it as well.  I know tonight I was in serious need of a good laugh.  

This weeks UCB makes a victor again of Scotty B. who apparently is fixing to oust Kooky Kyle as our current standing champ.  Scott did not win the quarter, Kooky took it.  Scott proposed I write about my “best super market score ever”.  For many of you out there that may not know me that well or have just known the Calified version of me, you may not understand what he is talking about.  I will use this blog to shed some light on the subject while highlighting my best super market scores.

Basically I’m what I like to call a genius of thrift or frugality, especially when it comes to eating.  Ok, you got me I am just cheap.  I used to save my money for surf equipment and travel.  These days the money I save means more drinks I can buy at the Wild Cat.  Aint alcoholism grand?

Super Markets in general are virtual treasure troves of bargains allowing one to eat like king yet live on a pauper’s budget.   I my friends love to live like a King and eat undoubtedly as much as King Henry the 8th yet some how always have some coin left over in my nuts and bolts budget (shit these days its more like a budget of bent rusty nails that only the likes of Salad Fingers can appreciate). Now many a stuck up person can and will shake a stick at some of the practices you are about to read, but trust me my friends if you look past the cautionary red tape that has been beaten into your brains about what should and should not be consumed then I assure you that there are ridiculous savings to be had.  I have not died or gotten adversely sick from anything I have eaten on the cheap.

Before I go any further with this I must go through my most recent shopping experience here in Santa Barbara.  Now California is not like Jersey and therefore you have to work a lot harder to find the savings.  Truth be told it has taken me nearly three years of coming out here to get it wired to which I still feel that I can do better.  I went to what I have found to have the best deals of the grocery stores out here, Albertsons (I am no way endorsed by this company or influenced any other way then the savings I get from my weekly shopping).  I have been shopping there four years now and know a good number of the full time employees on a first name basis.   In California its all about the club cards the stores have in order to take advantage of the biggest deals.  I think I have a card from ever store imaginable.

The big trick they try to pull in SB is the 10 for $10 dollar deals.  In some cases yeah if you need ten of something its not a bad deal but in most cases when you do the math you find out you really did not save enough money to be worth storing ten of anything and they never have 10 for 10 on family packs of condoms which really are the only things I really needed in that kind of bulk.  As 2pace would say “I get around”.

Anyhow, long story short I ended up buying $40 worth of groceries (my shopping for a week and a half or so) for $26.50 and that my friends was a high bill for me.  I had to buy a few things that last multiple weeks such as shampoo and sugar to name a few.  Albertson’s also every Monday night has this “Chicken Dinner Meal Deal” as they call it, where you get your choice of eight pieces of fried Chicken or a whole rotisserie chicken, two side dishes, a pound of potatoes wedges and a two liter bottle of Coke for $6.99.  I can eat off that for three to four days if I get it alone or my roommate and I split it spending $3.50 a piece each for dinner and then some, oh and I almost forgot it also comes with a package of four Hawaiian sweet rolls.   Back in the days of the frat we would get like three orders of it.  I think they raised the price to 8.99 now.  Still a great deal.  I have not taken advantage in sometime.  

How are these incredible savings possible?  Well here are some simple steps to help you on your quest to become a super market super shopper saver like myself  (say that ten times fast).  First make sure you sign up for whatever that super market’s club card is.  I know this sounds gay and you feel retarded having the little key chain cards dangling from your keys or those extra cards in your wallet.  I don’t carry a wallet anymore.  I am all about rolling my cash or lack there of small bills out around my ID and debit card.  You know what is not gay; saving nearly $200 a month in food shopping.  Getting these cards are free and relatively no hassle, usually all you have to do is hit up the courtesy booth and fill out an information form that you can totally lie about everything on if your one of those identity theft freaks.  Take your card (I prefer the key things so that I can always have my card on me) and let the savings rain down upon you.

Don’t shake a stick at those generic/store brand items.  Sure their packaging is not as flashy and you may have never heard of the company.  That is just because all that money Coke spent on advertising, Sasha Cola put into making their product $1.99 for a 12 pack instead of 4.99 and that is just one example.  I have also found here in California that the Spanish/Mexican brands seem to always be a bit cheaper as well, not to mention that there are entire Spanish markets that seem to always be a bit cheaper albeit on the ghetto side of things and not so white friendly.

Another money saver and probably the biggest one for me is the expired and damaged food section.   Not every super market has these.  Some of the more uppity places for example feel it cheapens their store.  These sections are not always easy to spot either.  Rule of thumb for finding this score of nearly free food, look near the entrance to the wear house or employee only section of the store and you will usually notice a shelf full of battered cans and ripped packages being sold for half if not three quarters their shelve price.   They store this stuff near the bathrooms too.

Make sure you inspect thoroughly the Appy (Deli), Bakery, Meat, Dairy and produce departments.  These five departments are a super saver’s best friends.  All contain time sensitive products that are ticking time bombs about to go bad.  Many stores rather then  throwing away these products will substantially reduce their prices sometimes as low as wholesale cost rather then lose 100% of the take right before the actual expiration date.  The best time to take advantage of these types of deals is at night usually after 7 or 8pm (don’t go to late or you risk the discounted products getting thrown away, which actually will bring us to our final topic).  If you notice that a certain grocery store gets a heavy lunch rush you may want to check the prepared foods or Appy department after 2pm to see if any of the left overs not purchased during the lunch rush have been marked down.

Shop Rite in Wall back in NJ was classic for all of the above.  I don’t think I have bought any meat here in SB that was not marked down for quick sale.  Pathmark in Wall NJ boxes up all their doughnuts and muffins after 10pm and sells a packed over full dozen size box for $1.99.  I used to thrive on those doughnuts for days.  Forget about Shop Rite that place will go down in my mind as the best super market chain I have ever had the privilege to both work and shop in (I actually worked at two separate locations at two separate times, but that is a whole other blog).

Finally last and probably the most questionable of my methods over the years is the dumpster behind the store after it has closed.  Food store dumpsters, be it a super market or convenience stores or even restaurants for that matter are where you can score a meal absolutely free.  This practice, although the cheapest also takes the most skill and cunning.  First off any time you go dumpster diving you take on some inherent safety risks.  You may have to fight off some bums, large insects and rats or worse, here there are skunks to contend with and entry in and out of the dumpster can cause injury as well.  This Mexican guy I work with Misha recently cut his arm pretty bad dumpster diving for thrift store discards.  I actually had to fight off a bum about a year ago for a discarded uneaten half of a sandwich I saw some business guy toss on State St.  Luckily I although hungry was not starving like the bum, thus my strength won out.  

In the case of dumpster diving for food you really have to use your head about what is still edible and not.  My rule of thumb has always been if it is still in the original sealed package and no more then a week or so past the “sell by” date you are probably golden.  Items such as meat and diary I don’t mess with, dysentery is no fun and the medical bills will totally make your savings null.  Bakery is usually ok especially if you get the stuff that is being thrown away at the end of the day.

When I used to live in Boston I always would score free bread and bakery products from the dumpster from the grocery store across the street from my apartment.  I just always made sure to get there before the bums.  The Einstein bagels in Wall NJ used to throw all their old bagels into their dumpster at the end of their day allowing me to pick off free bagels as well.  To my credit I have yet to dumpster dive here in SB, but with the way things are going monetarily for me, I think my time may be coming.

How have I gotten so good at Super Market savings?  My crazy mother was the coupon clipper queen and would go to every super market in town in order to seek out the cheapest price even if it was to save pennies on the dollar.   Now Im not this bad.  My time is more valuable to me and I figure all the gas driving from store to store eliminates any savings you would have had anyway.  I hope this helps some of you out there especially in these trying times.  Currently I am in the process of maybe setting up a food stamp thing by claiming I am homeless. Time will tell on that one.  As my roommate says “they can’t prove your not homeless”.  Wise words from a very special guy.

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