Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for November, 2011

Always Expect the Unexpected (Power of Ten)

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2011| 4 Comments »

I know this is going to shake a few trees with this month’s Power of Ten.  First let me say these were some of the best lists submitted as of yet.  I had to literally spend the last two weeks on who I wanted to pick.  Then a new contender entered the ring and she came out swinging.  Maybe that is how the crowd felt when they saw Babe Ruth point to the left field bleachers and hit one out of the park the first time.  Fifi gets two points for her efforts, but then again not surprising when she dates UCB all star Mauriello.   All the lists I got this month were gold so if you did not get the win maybe tweak it a little more for next month.

1.  Your Hair: I assume she is talking about my hair since it is my blog and not just hair in general.  I have a vain obsession with my hair.  I should have been bald already, that did not happen.  I rocked long hair from when I was 14 all the way until now (well I guess my hair is still longer for most guys, but it seems short to me).  I have always pride myself on the up keep of my own hair.  Hair on your head does nothing for warmth or very little from what I have read.  It was given to us to enhance each and every person’s individuality.  As a result I have always had the utmost respect for hair stylists, artists in their own right.  I tend to be a heavy tipper in general but let me tell everyone your hair dresser is not one to stiff.  I leave mine 30%.  Despite my hairs straw like texture I would not trade it for anything in the world.

2. Girls You Think Are “The One” Then End Up Being Lame:  This could be an entire blog, shit it has been running around in my head for the last six months.  I have been bitching about romance and my pain for some time now so I will spare everyone for the moment, although I am in the process of formulating a piece on love that may be one of my best works since “One Last Perfect Day” and “Bowing Out“.  I love and truly believe in the whole concept of “The One” and that everyone is meant to meet their “One and Only” and when they do both parties male and female will know it.  There will be none of that stupid game playing bullshit.  For me I fall hard when I meet a woman that I find compatible, do everything in my power to keep them safe, happy and satiated.  In the end they are never content and always want more leaving me alone and miserable.   I would not call any of them lame though.  They would not have hurt me so badly if they were lame.  Things did not work out.  I was not the man for any of them.  All I think is that I hope they find all the happiness they are searching for and could not see in me.

3. People Who Don’t Dress Up When They Go Out: There was a time less then sixty years ago when peoples casual clothes were better then what we today call “dressed up”.  I love to dress up and I love to flash even more.  I have a closet full of threads and 13 pairs of shoes.  Still I am never satisfied with my wardrobe.  Dressing up is part of the fun of going out.  Picking out what to wear then wondering what everyone else will wear.  In today’s sad world I go out to the bar looking like class and more then half the crowd is is looking like trash.  Sure I can understand it at a dive bar, but if you are at an en vogue spot beach attire is inappropriate.  I wore a suit out the other night and was looking sharp.  Some guy came up to me in a t-shirt, poor fitting cheap Kmart jeans and sneakers then proceeded to give me a hard time on what I was wearing.  My roommate’s girl friend tried to tell me I look like I am trying to hard.  Shoots I just want to look good.  Ladies when you don a sexy but classy dress, designer heels and do yourself up all beautiful my outfit is then a complement to you.  It blows my mind when I see a woman dressed to the nines with some guy in a white t-shirt and baseball cap at the club.  What happened to class people?

4.  The Texture of Cat’s Bellies: Cats stomachs are gnarly.  They just sort of hang down all soft.  My Grandmother would not pick up cats cause she claimed it felt like she could feel their insides.  Plus when they eat too much their stomach expands to a strange little ball.  Its odd for sure but fun to pet at the same time.  My family’s cat Hercules is a conniving little bastard and will roll over on his back so that you can scratch his belly, but when you do he grabs your hand with his paws and bites. Cats are interesting creatures.

5.  Girls Who Make You Pick Them Over Surfing:  For me this does not happen.  I tell women that I am with as soon as things start getting serious that surfing has been with me before them and will be with me after them.  My whole life has revolved around surfing. With out it I am not complete.  If you really surf and are not just one of those “I surf once a month or less” types you know what I am talking about.  When I am not surfing or at work, my girlfriend when I have one always gets the rest of my time and these days if the surf is terrible she can have that time too.  Ask me to choose and I am leaving with my board in hand.

6. Wine Under $5: I must first address the fact that Kooky Kyle had this on his Power of Ten as well.  Normally that would make a list void, but I do not think Fifi saw Kooky’s list in the comments so I am allowing it and it is my blog thus I can do whatever I want.  There are great wines in every price range, but it is true the pricier the wine the better the quality if you know what you are looking for.  I personal at the moment cant spend more then $14 a bottle, that is because I drink about a case a week and am renovating the apartment.  I have a few gems I enjoy under $5 before tax.  The key is to look for sales.  I have been buying this really good Chianti cause it has been marking down from $18 to $6.  I am going to actually start a new edition to Recipe D’Jour where I will list wines I think are worth drinking cause it has come to my attention that most people are clueless when it comes to picking a nice wine and since I do go to a lot of tasting and such have a bit more exposure to the scene then your average bear.

7. Cooking for Children: I learned how to cook at very young age and as a result found a love for the kitchen.  I think everyone should teach kids some basic cooking techniques at age ten.  Maybe just simple things like how to boil water and cook some pasta, heat up a bit of sauce out of a jar.  Give them a bit of understanding of the dangers of being careless around heat.  As far as cooking meals for children I believe in comfort food, Hot dogs, chicken fingers/nuggets, ham burgers, pasta, peas and carrots, fish sticks, pizza etc.  Then as their pallets begin to develop try to slip in other dishes that have similar characteristics.  Chicken fingers can easily be made into chicken parmigiana, which is almost a combination off pizza and chicken fingers.  I see too many parents try to force their kids to eat adult food too soon and then turn the kids off to certain flavors and even entire meat groups.  It takes time for our pallets to develop.  I hated veal as a kid and now I find it quite the scrumptious culinary treat.

8.  Towels Out of the Dryer: I was just thinking about this one the other day as I was pulling my beach towels out of the dryer.  They are amazing.  There is something about taking a towel out of dryer and sticking your face into it.  It is sooo soft and warm.  Sometimes I wrap my entire body in it right there in the laundry room.  Back when I lived in the frat  my neighbor walked in on me enjoying a freshly washed and dried towel right there in the garage.  Our eyes met and she nodded at me in approval.  What kind of monster would not like a freshly dried towel?

9.  Girls That Look Shrimpy But End Up Having Amazing Bodies: For starters I think most women have amazing bodies.  Everyone is shaped differently and have to play to their strengths.  If a girl has an amazing body but is coming up short and looking featureless then she needs to rethink her wardrobe.  I am not a stylist when it comes to women.  I know what looks good and what does not.  All I can say is my ex girl friend Adrienne was very good at dressing to her strengths being a more petite woman.     Guys do it too.  I am a bit skinny for a man so I built a wardrobe that plays to my strengths.

10. Why the “Power of Ten” is so successful: Fifi is rather new to the Lisanti sphere of influence and so are many of my new Word Press readers.  Back in the Myspace days I used to regularly write these types of blogs where I would just rant or project my insanity on multiple topics.  Also it ups the ante on the UCB contest and challenges me to be short winded on a plethora of topics.  Initially when I wrote the first one “Your a Fucking Idiot But So Am I” it was  because everyone was dumping UCB topics on me in massive lists.  I wrote this blog to prove that quality is better then quantity.  Unfortunately in America where the opposite is embraced the blog back fired and became an instant hit.  I have always been a believer in giving the public what they like.

There is a cat belly to be reckonned with.

Its all about dressing to your strengths.

No woman will ever take me from the barrel.


Read Full Post »

Mi Famiglia

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , on November 17, 2011| 16 Comments »

This week’s UCB makes a winner of Nick the Kook with an old topic suggestion of “Family”  from I believe way back in August.  I have been mulling it over in my head literally for the last two months or so.  That is how you know you dropped a good topic when I stew on it for months.  Then again I stew on most things.  I think my life would be much easier if I just stopped thinking so much.  Maybe I just need to smoke more pot.  Kook earns one point for his efforts. Remember everyone November is half over so get your “Power of ten” lists in asap.

Its funny I really did not know how to approach this topic.  Initially I had dismissed it all together under the premise that I had written a similar blog back in the myspace.com days and that was if my memory serves me correct (it never does) was also a UCB and a rather negative take on the whole institution.  Well these days my thoughts are a bit different thus warranting another blog.

Blame it all on Chicken Enchilada Friday.  Last week I had to roll 834 enchiladas for dinner (if you are lost I run a small Mexican Station at the college I cook at for dinner Wednesday through Friday for more on that see  What it all Amounted to). Since I have been working at Westmont Enchilada days have been like a family affair.  Everyone in the kitchen pitches in and helps roll a few helping whomever has to make it happen on their menu finish in an hour rather then four.  It was my time of need and everyone helped me and it warmed my cold black heart  just a bit.

My Genetic Family

I spent the greater portion of my life hating my family.  I hated living with them, hated visiting, despised large family  gatherings such as holidays, weddings, or party’s.  Distance really does in my case make the heart grow fonder, as the phrase goes.  These days living in California completely across the country from the family I grew to hate, I have now grown to love once again.  I see my folks about once a year, maybe twice if I am lucky.  Its on the fault of both parties.  I hate New Jersey, which is where they live and they hate California, where I live.

Since we are a bunch of stubborn backward Italians no one bothers to compromise.  So I in recent years have actually made a trip home for the holidays to see my folks and even participate in a larger family Christmas gathering.  Its hard for me cause December is one of the few months where epic west swells are possible.  One year I missed near epic El Capitan, Sand Bar and Naples to visit my parents in South Florida where the waves were barely waist high.

You got me I was  bit sour on that one, but these days I have in my current vintage have reached a slightly heightened level of maturity (don’t worry I still spent about 30 minutes watching a flock of sea gulls fight off a flock of crows for a loaf of bread and loved every minute of it the other day.  If that proves anything of my “maturity,” see the surflog for more about that.).  With this recent yet minuscule ontogenesis in mentality I have come to realize that there are some things in life that are worth missing the occasional day of surfing for.  Heck these days I miss more sessions to alcohol abuse then I can keep track of (that is a lie they are all accounted for in the surflog so I can loath myself for my stupidity at a later date).

The fact of the matter is I love my family and it took moving across the country to realize just how important all of them are to me.  My parents raised me well.  I know right now I may not  the man I could be, but with the morals and good teachings instilled on me by them, when I gather the strength to pull my head out of my ass and achieve greatness it will be my family I thank first.  I actually do look forward to the few opportunities I get to visit and spend quality time with them and that is what all that time is now since it is so short, Quality Time.  I think we as people take for granted the ones closest to us and never realize just how much they actually mean to us till they are gone.

The Court of Lisanti Land

I have always kept a small yet tight nit group of friends around me.  These people I consider family even though they are not blood.  I would give my life for any of them as I would any of my actual blood relations.  I do every thing in my power to make sure they are in good spirit. Currently I have Kooky Kyle and my buddy Ryan living in my apartment for cheap, while I take on a bit of a financial loss.  having them here has been an amazing boost to my mental health and that one can not put a price tag on.  Over the summer I felt so alone and empty.

Now instead of coming home to a vacuous home my lair is bustling with activity.  Whether it is the entertaining antics of Kooky while he is stoned, or Ryan and his girl Addy enjoying each other’s company, the family meals Kooky and I prepare for everyone on Mondays and Tuesdays or when I bring left overs home from work and they jump on it.  I even enjoy the chorus of snores that come out of their room.  They brought life back to my somber cadaverous existence I was eking out.

Then there are my friends that live afar now but  once were active participants of the  court. Fact of the matter is if you have been a member of the court  and you know who you are then you are my family forever regardless of what goes down.    I have a few guys that I regularly surf with as well whom I would also consider family.  To me family are the people who help you to advance through life in a positive way. People who only want to see the best for you and don’t want to see you fall.  In a world full of scoundrels its nice to know I have so many genuine people around me.

A Family of My Own?!?

Ten years ago I would have rather have been raped by an electric eel then even have to think about starting a family.  Five years ago still not a twinkle in my eye.  Two years ago I was adamant on the topic.  The answer was always absolutely not.  These days as I watch the juncture of time pass by me empty and lonely I think a bit differently on the subject.  A wife, kids, some type of normal established life seems oddly appealing to me and yet at the same time completely unattainable.  Nor should I be aloud another chance.  I had mine and it passed.  Maybe it is only fair.  If my fate is to walk the earth for eternity alone so be it.  I will always have my court and their families to watch over.

My amazing family and I this past summer in NYC

Read Full Post »

An On Going Grudge (The 2006 Grudge Match Quals)

Posted in Blast from the Past: 2006, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 16, 2011| Leave a Comment »

I know what your thinking, “another blast from the past”.  Reruns suck, but since this stuff is like four years old I find it rather interesting and worth a read.  Syndication is great.  Kooky and I are currently working our way through all nine seasons of Seinfeld in sequential order.  It has become quite the task. 

So I wrote this blog back in May of 2006.  It is back in my competition days as a failing professional surfer.  Every year they had this big contest in NJ that took place on the best day of the fall and only the best of the best from NJ were invited to it.  If you did not get an invitation (mine always got lost in the mail) there was a qualifier event for it where the top three guys would get spots.  This blog is about the 2006 qualifier.  Enjoy.

Another year.  That’s what went through my head when it was announced that I was eliminated from the 2006 Grudge Match Trials.  I’m not complaining, although making a Semifinal berth I was definately tasting it.  It was not meant to be.  This was not my year.

The sea was angry on Sunday my friends.  I pulled up to Meters (Meters is this trashy beach break they held the contest at to save money on a permit for Casino pier, a way better surf spot just about a few miles north.  It is called Meters cause the entire parking lot is filled with parking meters and the only free parking is four blocks in land) in Seaside Park at about 8am and am greated by the competive portion of the Jenks Militia (The Jenks Militia was this militant group of surfers who attempted to keep the crowds down a this decent little spot Jenks in NJ.  They thought they were tough but when push came to shove it was just another case of stupid localism that I the time I whole heartily bought into) , Brian “Slobby” Robinson, Dalton Johnson and Neil Bergen.  Slob was like “its retarded out there”.   I went up to the beach to check it and it is about 6-8 foot plus out of contol dumping heavy strom chop.  Im just like fuck another year wasted.

I go to check in, usually Im in round 1 or 2 and I hate that cause you dont really get a chance to feel out the contest scene.  This particular day though I was hoping to go early so that I did not have to watch the gnarl all day.  We all know how my luck works.  I drew Heat 12 the last heat of round 1.

I camped out on the beach about 50 yards from the contest area, just far enough to hear the announcments but far enough not to be recognized or noticed.  For me this is standard contest procedure.  I need to focus, get in the zone and I need to keep to myself for atleast the first few heats.

After watching the first 5 heats and seeing everyone getting annihilated with already 2 broken boards in, I was getting a bit freaked out.  I was feeling a little anxious and over the conditions.  In a moment of extreme adversity I even seriously considered throwing the event and going home.  This was not a realistic option though cause Smith my sponsor was putting on the event and it ould look real bad if me one of thier team guys was a no show.

So with the encouragement of Sindia and Slobby I maned up and got ready for my heat.  At the advice of Maffucci I paddled out down at Fun Town Pier nearly 400 yrds North of the contest zone.  It although a bit unnecessary worked out nicely since I found a nice chanel in between 2 sand bars there.

The heat began and for the life of me I could not find a wave that even looked remotely ridable.  Everything looked like death to me.  10 minutes went by and I had still yet to catch a wave.  All the while my competitors were getting worked by the ones that they were taking.  Finally using the last 5 min adrenaline I picked off a 6 ft left, came off the bottom and hit a gnarly close out section for my first wave.  Then I snuck back out and picked off another mid-sized left, ran the barrel and doggy doored out before the wave ate me alive. Lucky for me I drew an easy heat with nobodies in it and somehow won the heat.  I was stoked on one hand for the win but a little nervous about having to paddle back out there.  It was definitely scary and I have charged a lot of crazy surf.

My quarterfinal heat came up and it is pretty stacked.  I got my boy Slobby in the heat, This kid from down south who beat me in the Golden Glove and some other older guy.  Dont ever count out the older guys especially when the conditions are big and chunky.  I was not about to make another Amo Mistake.  Amo was the Rip Curl rep at the time and this fat disgusting older guy who surfed like shit but everyone kissed his ass anyway to get deals on gear.  I was not one of them.  He beat me in the quarter finals at some pro-am. I left the guy alone and did my own thing meanwhile he frothed and some how surfed the heat of his life.

The surf had gotten a bit more organized but also began to feather way the hell outside and had amplified to atleast 10ft on set. I dont know what changed inside me from round 1 to the quarters, but all of a sudden I just got in a zone and the size no longer fazed me.  I from the opening bells to the closing bells charged and killed the biggest waves of the quarter finals as many has told me later.  I thought I should have won the heat, the judges gave me second.  Who really cares cause both spots advance.  Slob got worked real hard on a gnarly one and went in mid heat.

Now I was in the Semis and feeling incrediable.  At this point I began to think that I had a shot at winning the thing.  I had a pretty stacked Semi (Semis are always pretty stacked) Nick Blunda my ESA foe from last years season, him and I were neck and neck all year till I eventually clinched the title at the last contest of the year.  Pat Emery and amazing seasoned competitor and 2 times Easterns Masters Champ and Super Grom Rob Kelly who had just come off a win at the NSSA Scholastics in Florida against the East Coast’s best.  Needless to say a tough heat.

I surfed this heat similiar to my last grabbing bombs.  The only problem was most with exception of 2 were close outs and out of those 2 only one was a really exceptional score.  I knew Kelly had first cause he was picking of safe insiders and getting turns in.  Blunda was out of the mix trying for a right that was not really happening down the beach.  This left just Pat and me with 2 minutes left on the clock and I had Pat edged out.  With 30 seconds left I nab a bomb that like many others closed out on me.  When I get to the beach I turn to see Pat pick off this right with 5 seconds left and proceed to get barrelled, come out and then hit it twice.  I knew then that I was done for.  Thats the story of my life.

Pat went on to take 2nd in the finals along with Kelly in 3rd and some old guy from Ocean City won it.  Dave Warner from LBI got 4th earning the first alternate spot.  Some say they thought I got robbed and should have beat out Kelly in the Semi.  I say the judging was probaly pretty accurate although my one good wave in the Semis should have been an 8.  Im stoked for Pat.  The guy  is old and does not have as much time left as I do.  Time goes fast and now I am old, but I also looking back find it comical how much this stupid shit meant to me.  

As far as the product toss goes if Sindia had come we would have cleaned up, but she was previously engaged.  I scored a hat but then forgot it on the beach.  Plus I fell wierd beating younglings for product from my own sposors when they send me the same shit for free anyway.  Over all though I can’t complain too much.  I surfed the best I could have possibly surfed and came up short.  Ill get em next year. I did not get them next year instead getting injured.  Fuck competitive surfing and all the hoopla around it.  Just surf and have a great time doing it and you will always be a winner.

Chris Lisanti is a fucking goon

One of my hits from the event. Look at that wonderful wing span.

Read Full Post »

What It All Amounted To

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 12, 2011| 1 Comment »

The Five Day Lurk

I am still alive at least so I suppose that is a feat I should  be thankful for or should I?  If you remember back a few blogs ago to the  Five Day Halloween Party blog Kooky and I were all set for a five day lurk.  Well we made three nights of it before I ended up getting nearly deathly ill, did not leave my bed for two days and did not surf for five.  I am not talking sick from drinking unless this is the beginnings of cirrhosis.  I guess time will tell.  I can’t remember the last time I was that bad off.  I still have a lingering cough. I almost went to the medical clinic.  Luckily my immune system is still a champ and won the battle.

For the remaining nights of Halloween nothing too eventful happened. Kooky did manage a great rendition of Prince that had all the gays at the Kitty jumping out of their seats.  I did a decent portrayal of a Blues Brother.  One night we both went out as Guidos.  It was fun although I am a little disappointed that we could not make the entire lurk.   Good times.

Chefing It Up

On the work front things are going well.  Sodexo opened a new Mexican station in the dinning commons.  I was put in charge of dinner there Wednesday through Friday nights.  At first it was pretty hectic and I got a bit frustrated.  I even considered quitting.  Now I have it somewhat wired.  It is still a ton of work but at least I am learning Mexican cuisine.   With five Mexican cooks on payroll I do not really understand why they put the white Italian cook in charge of the station, but so be it.  I find myself just seasoning everything with onion, cumin, chili powder, cayenne, oregano, lime and lemon juice.  I guess every genre of cooking has its stereo typical spices.  I am beginning to learn mole and different types of salsa reductions.  At the very least its one more thing to add to the resume.

The Joy of Adult Education

The school front on the other hand has not been going so well.  I missed a few classes and had to beg my teachers not to fail me straight out.  I am failing catering cause I have no time to put in the required 26 hours of unpaid labor for the semester and ironically I am failing w0rk study cause I don’t have time to hand in the homework.  I hate school its such a backward institution.  Especially City Colleges where anyone can attend.  The students on the whole are unmotivated and dumb, as a result the teachers water down the curriculum and lose their vigor in the process.

Truth be told I am not all that motivated myself.  I work five days a week busting my ass in the kitchen only to spend my only two days off sitting in a class with a bunch of want to be top chefs.  Those who can cook like myself have these ridiculous egos and even challenge the professors.  That makes up half the class.  The other half are completely clueless, have never stepped foot in a professional kitchen before in their lives and most days are more of a danger to themselves and others with their terrible technique.  Let me say this not everyone was cut out for this business.  The ego maniacs walk around the room just waiting for someone to mess up so that they can rub that person’s nose in it.  The whole thing is insanity.

My Pain

As of this moment I am considering taking next semester off to clear my head and take a better stock in my life.  I have been struggling with heavy depression ever since Adrienne left back in June.  I tried to fill the hurt with a stupid affair that ended with me just getting more hurt.  I don’t know why Ades has been such a pain to me.  I mean when I was with her I was always a bit indifferent to her.  Picking up the pieces of both my heart and my life has become tough and I find myself really afraid that I am turning into other guys I know who were in a similar situation as myself.  One case in particular the dude is a great guy who still has not been able to move on and the hurt is killing him.

I believe I am stronger then that.  I guess only time will tell.  My drinking is definitely gotten excessive, but for the moment I need it.  Alcohol is the only way I can cope with the pain at the moment.  Maybe it was the way things ended that messed me up so bad.  That fact that the one human being I met that seemed better then most when it came to morals and inner strength went and did an act so against everything she stood for that it turned her into a living oxymoron.  I hate fallacies.  One thing I can say about myself and I will always take pride in is that I am a straight shooter and am not a bullshit person.

I call it like I see it.  I don’t make excuses for my conduct and have always been honest about it.  I know I am an asshole and boarder line degenerate, well maybe more of a wolf in sheep’s clothing?  I have always broadcast such.   In the end I know I am going to pull it together.  I always do, but right now I am still most days rather sad, the rest of the days are spent either dead inside or the occasional really happy one.  Classic manic depression.  My mother told me I should make a list of what I think would make me happy and then figure out how I should go about accomplishing such.

Usually her advice just pisses me off, but this makes a lot of sense and is one I am indubitably going to implement.  I need to figure out something to dig myself out of the hole Adrienne left me in.  Enough of this endless pity party.  How tired is everyone of hearing about me cry about Ades?  I know I am.  I think this is the last time I am going to write about such.  I know I always say that.  Sorry in advance when I have another relapse.

The beautification of the Lisanti Palace

I woke up about two weeks ago all hung over from the night before and looked around at the dump of an apartment I live in.  At that moment I realized what a cesspool I have been living in.  No wonder my last two roommates turned out to be heroine addicts.  You would have to be on drugs to consciously pay money to live in this shit hole.  I have had some money saved for my one day New Zealand escape.  These days that dream seems to be getting farther and farther away.  I have decided to take a chunk of that money and put it into renovating my apartment.

I am buying new furniture, putting tile down in the kitchen, hardwood flooring in the dinning room and living room, gutting the entire bathroom.  I am going to turn the palace into a sick bachelor pad.  A place a man can come home to and be proud of.  I think if I nice up my surroundings it might help with my depression a bit.  The process has already begun Ryan, Kooky and I went to Home Depot and bought paint and spackle to give the walls a new coat.   I may post updates here form time to time with before and after pictures.

I think that is it for now.  I just thought I would fill everyone in on whats been going on in my life and that I have not given up completely.  I promise I will turn things around.  I am really beginning to feel like my life is on the verge of turning the corner.  I can just sense good things about to happen….

I saw this on my way home from surfing the other day and it got me thinking deep.

Read Full Post »

The Wild Cat…Meow

Posted in Kooky's Korner, tagged , , , , , , , on November 11, 2011| Leave a Comment »

This week’s Kooky’s Korner, Kooky Kyle lets everyone in on some of his recent nights at the Wild Cat Lounge here in Santa Barbara and the official bar of Lisanti Land.  Enjoy.

For any regular reader of this blog, you are familiar with Chris’ favorite haunt and if you have visited Lisanti Land the Santa Barbara Chapter, you have probably been to the Wild Cat. The first time I came here I had the opportunity to have such experience. I barely remember walking in the door. Reliable sources have told me I walked up to two girls and told them I wanted to lose my virginity to both of them in a threesome.  Some how that was not met with a slap instead it received laughter. Long story short I ran away that night and almost made it home but over shot it by about a half mile away from the Lisanti Palace(For more on Kooky’s first visit to SB read Kooky Kyle’s Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour and Kooky Kyle Speaks Out).

 With the beginning of our relationship starting in such a manner you can only imagine the insanity that the place has about it. It is so much better than that stupid hipster bar we went to in San Fran, seriously only, “only obscure” late 50’s early 60’s R&B? Fucking hipsters. Wild Cat is the unofficial hook up bar and the unofficial gay bar of Santa Barbara. With that being the case, I have been approached a few times by some people I would never want any sort of sexual encounter with.
The Swingers
 About a week ago Chris, his boy Ryan and I were out on a lurk at the Kitty. I went ahead of them to get a space at the bar to order more drinks. As I am standing waiting for a space to open up this older guy, whom I would guess was in his mid to late forties came up to me from one of the little tables by the bar. He was tall and a little overweight. I figured he was getting in line to get a drink too.
“She is a real looker isn’t she?” He said gesturing to a similarly aged fat woman with short blonde hair seated at his table. This woman was gross. She was clearly tipsy and was in jovial spirits. “She looks like a real keeper.” I said. I figured that it was either his wife or girlfriend and I didn’t want to insult her.
“She thinks you are pretty cute.” Well that was weird. I’ll take a compliment like that any time but this was starting to get a little bit on the strange side.  “Thanks, I like to think so” I replied.  “Do you want to come back to our place?” he asked. WHOA WHAT THE SHIT! Did that really just happen? I was shocked; I barely could put a reply together.
“Uh, baaaa, huuh no?” I answered and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

Gay Night
Sunday is Chris’ Friday so what do you do at the start of your weekend? You go out of course. Sunday also just so happens to be Gay Night at the Wild Cat. You may question the logic of why two straight men would go to gay night. Well, if there are any girls there at all,  they are either trying just to dance or they are looking for a one night stand. Also straight guys tend to stay away. Chris’ old boss, Steve, was in town and we all went out.

Chris has been a fixture at this bar for a while so the gay guys know he is straight and not to try with him. Me being a fresh face though, no such luck. I had been getting looks all night, but had yet to be approached. Chris was off somewhere leaving me on my way with Steve to grab a drink from the bar.  As we were crossing the dance floor a gay guy with a bi-chromatic fohawk appeared in front of me blocking my way. I was instantly eye raped. Feeling a little awkward he then tried to slip a hand down my pants. WHAT THE HELL!! I thought.
As I sit here writing this I am trying to justify why it happened? Was I being a cock tease? My handsome self at gay night, that is like dressing like a slut and going to a Guido bar and not expecting to get groped. Whatever, I still didn’t welcome the advance. I quickly stepped back and pulled his hand away from my dick. “I’m not gay, man, sorry.” I steadily got away from him. But the ordeal was not over for the night.
Towards the end of the night we worked our way over to the dance floor and were tearing it up. There was this gnarly cougar dancing with three gay guys thinking she was the hottest thing out there.  She was straight gnarly. Twenty-five years ago she was probably smoking hot, but the years of partying had clearly taken a toll on her.  One of the gay guys saw something that was actually of his preferred gender (me), came over and unbuttoned one of my shirt buttons. “I’m sorry, I just had to do that.” He stood there expecting some sort of reciprocation from me. He only received a look of utter dismay and mild disgust.
Now about a month into my stay I am pretty much one of the regulars at The Kitty. Chris has the bartenders in his pocket and while we normally stagger away from there our tab is rarely over twenty bucks. Who knows what the future holds for me at the Wild Cat, hopefully I have dodged enough gnarly swingers and overly forward gay men and some gorgeous women will start falling into my lap.
Kooky Kyle

Post press: Last night Kooky and I hit the Wild Cat with a vengeance.  What was suppose to be a fun night with a mellow buzz became a “lets get fucking shit faced” night.  Bottom line by the end of the night we were fucking wasted.  Kooky Blacked out most of the night.  What ensued was him terribly hitting on girls, stealing the hat off the head of a Bacardi Promo Girl then proceeding to dance like Micheal Jackson wearing it.  The night ended with us nearly going home with three gay guys that luckily my good sense at the last minute saved us.  Good times. 

What Kooky has yet to score at the Wild Cat, a cracked out wild chick.

Read Full Post »

“Uptown Groovin'” Soundscape UK

Posted in Groovin' High, Music, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 10, 2011| 5 Comments »

This song found its way onto my ipod shuffle after I got out of the grocery store on my way home for work this evening.  What did I buy you ask?  A shopping card full of booze.  That’s right, I looked like Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.  Ok maybe not quite that bad.  On line everyone else had actual food meanwhile I had six bottles of wine and a handle of Bacardi Select.  I know its a step up for me.  Truth of the matter is they were out of Bacardi Gold and Select was the same price.  As long as there is a handle of some type of Bacardi in the freezer here at the Palace Lisanti Land will run smoothly.

Enough about my drinking problem and back to this week’s Groovin’ High entry (this weeks, ha what a fucking joke, its more like this months.  Its been so long since we had a Groovin’ High entry I cant even remember.  Or maybe that is a result of all the brain cells killed by the alcohol. You can be the judge.  All I will say in my defense is that some of the greatest men were drunks.)  Uptown Groovin’ by Soundscape UK from their album Uptown Groove.   I first was turned on to this band back in high school when their single Brand New Day was on the radio.  I think I was a sophomore meaning we are talking back in 1996.  A few years later they dropped this album.  It was never promoted on the radio. I actually found out about it from the internet and purchased the album on the blind faith that it would be as good as the last one I got from them Surreal Thing.

This was the first song on the CD and it captivated me.  Funny story I got the CD in the mail two days after this big blizzard we got hit with in NJ back in ’03, I think.  I was up on the roof of my house shoveling snow off the flat roof of the solarium. We received about  four feet of snow and the weight of the melt could have caved in the roof.   I was sent up to take care of the situation.  The whole time the thinking the weight of the melting snow and my own might just send me through the roof with it.

I had just got the CD that morning and decided to throw it in my boom box (that’s right back then they were still called Boom Boxes, heck I currently play my ipod through a circa 1980’s clock radio.  The shit sounds better then any speakers I have owned.) and play it from the window while I shoveled.  Uptown Groovin‘ was the first song on the album.  It’s a great tune and ever since that first listen I have been captivated by it every time I hear it.

Fast forward to March of that same year, 2003.  Sindia and I decided to go on a tour of California with our friend Alex who claimed he knew all the good surf spots.  As it turned out he was a kook and did not know the first thing about anything.  Living in California I know exactly the type of “surfer” category he fits into.  Back then I just figured anyone from California who surfed must be the shit.  The only good thing (or bad depending on the day, my mood and out look) that came of the whole fiasco, where by the way Continental bumped my boards to a later flight delaying me in San Francisco Air Port.  The Port Authority almost arrested me for taking out my frustration on a baggage carousel, but that is a blog for another day.   Let me just say this there was a time when I was not as mellow as I am now.

The only good thing that came out of the trip was that I was introduced to Santa Barbara, Jason Feist of J7 Surfboards and began my infatuation and subsequent love affair with Rincon.  Now almost ten years later I live here almost directly as a result of that trip.  We drove into Santa Barbara from Monterey.  I was sleeping in the back of this beat up van Alex’s friend Brian owned when this song came onto my ipod.  We ended up checking what I believe was Naples although my knowledge of the area at the time was less then novice.  Long story short we ended up surfing twelve foot Devereux with Jesse Merle Jones and to this day is still the biggest Devereux I have ever surfed.  Then again I also never surf there.

Face it these days I only really surf Rincon.  Sorry I am a snob like that.  Whenever I hear this song I am always brought back to both those moments.  The song still amps me up.  I guess that is what makes a great song.  That is the amazing thing about music in general.  It can stir up some of the most amazing emotions in the human soul.  Below is the tune you have spent all this time reading about.  I hope you enjoy it.

Me circa winter '03, look at that baby face. Oh wait I forgot I have not really aged all that much in the last 8 years.

 

That Faithful Day at Devereux

Read Full Post »

Hmmm…Lots of Surfing: September 2011

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2011| Leave a Comment »

September was a good month for me surf wise.  At the beginning I had a crazy girl friend type thing that eventually went up in ruins.  By and by I still managed to sneak in a bunch of fun surf sessions.  There were point sessions, beach break sessions, a fun mission up north.  All and all I would call the month of  September a victory for surfing at least.  Here are the stats and top sessions.  Now if the rest of my life could have fallen into place in September I would be doing alright.  Hey I am still alive right?  If everything worked out for me then there would be nothing to write about and I would be rather boring.  So for everyone who likes to read about my personal misery lets hope it will be business as usual in Lisanti Land.  For now things are looking like they will be status quot for quite awhile.  Lucky me.

Number of Surf Sessions: 27
Days Surfed: 23
Time In Water: 39 hrs 25 minutes
Waves Surfed: 505
Waves Caught Per Hour: 13

Spots Surfed:

Rincon: 9
New Jetty: 9
Hammonds: 2
Jalama: 1
Emma Wood: 1
Santa Clara River Mouth: 1
Fruit Stands: 1
C Street: 1
Ventura Campgrounds: 1

Top 3 Surf Sessions:

3: 9/20/11 AM Session: 2-3ft, New Jetty
Time In Water: 1hr 50mins
Waves Surfed: 28
Buoys had a little south push on them and conditions were clean so I ran down to Ventura Harbor where sure enough I was greeted with some playful waist to chest high surf.  There were fun little bowls everywhere.  Crowd was a bit heavy at first, but I luckily got it in the middle of morning shift and lunch shift leaving me a good hour with just a few chill dudes out sharing really fun waves.

2: 9/13/11 AM Session: 2-3+ft, New Jetty
Time in Water: 2hrs 15mins
Waves Surfed: 25
What a session.  I think it has been weeks since I have had a surf that I truly walked out of the water amped on.  This day was unreal.  The wind stayed down all morning leaving me with perfect lefts, running for about 100 yards down the beach, with barrels and about chest to head high.  The crowd was a shit show, but I still managed to get my choice of what ever I wanted.  I had a sick back door barrel on the wave of the day, stuck three ally-oops, and over all just owned it.  I felt so good out there.  So much fun.  I will take that session to the bank.

1: 9/27/11 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Rincon
Time In Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 20
Lindsay pretty much begged me to take her surfing this morning.  My new schedule has me rather booked up leaving not much time to be able to allow her to tag along with me.  She was hard up for good waves being relegated to nothing but Mesa Lane and other shitty town spots.  I remember those days and always have sympathy for those with out a car here who are serious about surfing.  I took her to Rincon not expecting much more then a high tide grovel session at the River Mouth.  We were pleasantly surprised with some new pumping NW swell.  I got two waves from Indicator all the way to mid Cove.  We are talking easy 300 yard rides with 15 turns a piece, full on leg burners.  Lindsay snagged a great one from high River Mouth to high Cove.  Everyone was getting tons of great waves.  My friend Antoine and I shared a wave from Indicator all the way to upper Cove and changed tracks four times.  It was a super fun session. Did I mention there were maybe 30 guys on the whole point?  Oh yeah 5 days in a row of the ‘Con!!!!!   Well Im about to run back and get some more before class this afternoon!!

There you have it.  If  you enjoy this little post session synapses fell free to visit the surf log where I post daily updates of my surfing endeavors and other ridiculous shit.

Read Full Post »

Under Dressed and a Bad Ratio (Blast from the Past ’06)

Posted in Blast From the Past, Blast from the Past: 2006, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 3, 2011| 6 Comments »

I have been scourging through the old Myspace archives to save some of my old writing.  So expect more blast from the pasts then usual.  Not to mention when ever I find myself lost in life I always look back to my past writings to amaze myself on just how little anything ever really changes.  This blog goes back to 2006. At the time I was surfing for this rinky dink small time NJ clothing company called Slide.  At the time I really believed in the thing and thought it had promise.  I dropped O’Neill to sign with them. 

They threw this elaborate party to promote the spring line at some swanky hip club in NYC.  It just so happened to be the same night and same club as Carmen Electra’s Birthday Party.  At the time I was on a hiatus from the party scene.  Being married I was trying to do the responsible settled down guy thing.  As you can see it did not work out, any of it, the wife, life or the sponsor for that matter.  Hindsight 20/20 right.  Fuck it cause I am still partying like a mother fucking rock star, but with out the money, glamour or accolade, but the same destroyed liver.  Who has it better then me??? I wonder!!!??!?

So about a month ago Mark Provost of Slide Clothing invited me to a party that him and Joe Delgado were throwing to promote the line.  He sends me this Evite invitation to my email. I had never gotten an Evite before and I thought it was rather impressive.  Just saying the word Evite made me feel important.  Turns out the party is gonna be held at this club in the Meat Packing District in NYC call AER.

I had no idea what to expect from this event so I decided that the only way to do a party like this was to bring an entourage and I immediately roused the troops.  I always try and roll with an entourage when I step out.  Power in numbers, well I say party in numbers.  If you bring your own little party to another party then you my friend have just made a better party.   My entourage included Nick Kiefer, Grep P., Sindia, Her friend Tina (Tina was this posh chick Sindia grew up with although the two were complete opposites. Her and I never really got along until about a year after this she took up surfing, cashed in her life and moved to Hawaii.  Not even I can hate on that kind of commitment to allowing Surfing to Ruin Your Life)  and her MYSPACE date James (who by the way was one of the most stylish Asian guys I have ever met I was from Jersey, we did not have very much diversity in the town I grew up in) and Tina’s Friend rachel.   The scene was set for a most interesting evening on the town.

Like I said I had no idea what to expect all I knew was that Joe was known for throwing legendary parties and that this was his biggest yet.  So we arrived in the city via train around 11pm and caught a cab to the corner of 13th and 9th where the club was suppose to be.  We got there and were totally not in Kanas any more.  I am talking like we just stepped into the Twilight Zone and were lost in Yuppie Town.  There were fancy resturants, posh clubs, well dressed people, limos and nice cars everywhere.  I was like fuck it lets get this show on the road.

Now finding AER should have been a piece of cake but as it turned out we ended up walking around the same one block radius for about 15 minutes. Sindia finally asked a bouncer from another club where this mystery place was.  He pointed around the corner which we had already walked by twice.

Now the only places on this block was a club called Fusion and another called CVB.   Sindia once again bails us out cause guys dont ask for directions and asked the bouncer at CVB where AER is (Damn NYC weird ass letter club names).  Turns out CVB is AER and that it is one of those NYC underground “It” clubs that does not need a sign cause its patrons are “cool” enough to be in the know. There was a time years before this when I was in the know.

This place had a line, but I was on the VIP list so there were no worries in my mind that we were getting in.  We get to the door and the lady with the list looked us up and down, rolled her eyes an said we had a bad girl to guy ratio and cannot come in unless we found 2 more ladies.  At that point we were on the street trying to find any 2 random girls to join the entourage.

This is where Tina’s Friend Rachel came into the group.  She jumped at the chance and grabed a cab across town to join us and boost our ratio.  AER and its contents was a pretty big deal at the time.  We got to the front of the line again, I have some words with the list bitch and she finally lets us in.  The next hurtle was if Greg’s fake was gonna get bythe bouncer or not.  It worked and we were in.

This is where the raping of our wallets began.  All the guys got hit wth a 15 buck cover charge and then we had to pay to check our coats.  The place is packed.  I am talking elbow to elbow, hard to get around packed.  Turns out the Slide party was in the downstairs VIP lounge. We meander our way through the club till we find an elevator that took us down into the VIP Lounge and the supposed Slide party (we had yet to see).  This room is packed too.  There had to be 200 people packed into a room the size of the surf shop.  The surf shop I worked in at the time was maybe just over 500sqft.

We made camp near the bar in an attempt to find a familiar face.  Nick went off and got an $8 beer.  My figuring was that eventually someone we knew would need a drink and have to show up at the bar.  After a half hour Greg was over it and bounced (not that I blame him cause it definitely was not our scene).  Nick managed to run into his ex-gril friend of 5 years who was with another one of his ex’s.  Whats the odds of that shit? Nick’s had his share of ladies.

Finally Nick decided that we should get wasted and always up making an ass of myself I concurred. See I told you some things never change.  Unfortunately our cash situation had been dwindled exponentially since we got to the city, but then a light bulb went on in my head: Bar Tab. Once again things that never change.  I pull my credit card out and told the bar tender (who was hot in a crack whore sort of way) to run me a tab.  Turns out you have to have $50 minimum.  I figured for 50 bucks we could get pretty thrashed.  Think about it you could pretty much drink yourself to death “Leavin Lost Vegas” style.  I now know after three years of trying that drinking yourself to death takes much more commitment then my wallet and personal triumph at suicide can handle. 

As it turns out it got us 3 rum and cokes and a beer, no one got drunk and not even a little buzz.  I decide we should cruise and try to find Mark and Joe to atleast get credit for being at the event.  Now getting through this crowd was no simple task and definately not for the claustrophobic.  Somehow we made it to the other side of the lounge where I see Joe mixing drinks and puring shots for some of the hottest girls in the room.

Turns out they were getting bottles of vodka brought over to them by the house all night and we could have been drinking for free. Now stoked that we could finally get some rounds free Sindia chimes in that her feet hurt and that she was ready to split.  Chicks always want to throw in the towel when the night starts getting good. Meanwhile I was just getting started, but when I looked to see what time it was my watch said 1:10am and we needed to be on the 1:41 Train which was the last one of the night.  Problem: Miss the train.  Solution: Party all fucking night till the 5am train shows up.

We had to make like Cinderella and book.  As we were leaving the club was even more packed and there were camera crews around.  I was like man the Slide party must really be a big deal.  Later I would find out that Carmen Electra was having her birthday party at AER that night as well.  Her, Dave Navaro and god knows what other famous people were there. If I had known that I would have fucked the train and just stayed till the club threw us out.  After all I did not get home till 3:40am anyhow.

Total Collateral wallet damage: $52.82 bar tab, $30 cover charges, $10 coat Check, $15 cab fares, $30 in Train tickets, $10 in gas and $60 for an outfit for Sindia. Over all I could have bought a board for what I spent at the Slide Party. Will I attend the next one you ask?

HELL YEA CAUSE THATS HOW I ROLL.

Turns out there were no more Slide parties since this one actually bankrupted the brand.  I like how I complained about all the money the night out costed me.  These days I do high roller nights like they are going out of style.  Shit my bar tab last month at the Wild Cat was over $400.  Its not cheap to party.  Forget about clothes, my wardrobe is always popping.  I try to figure out if I was better off back then or now?  Fuck I guess its not for me to decided and all I can do is move forward. 

 

Read Full Post »

Talk About Behind the Eight Ball

Posted in Anger, Life, Music, Odd Jobs, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , on November 1, 2011| 3 Comments »

I think it is classic Lisanti Land time scheme that I am posting October’s Power of Ten list on the first of November.  My excuse: too much party and real lack of motivation in life. Wait is that an excuse or my modus operandi?  Whatever the case its my blog and I do what I want.  I mean c’mon the last blog I wrote was about having assholes for fingers.  Enough said.  Anyway October’s power ten garnishes two UCB points upon my current housemate and Wild Cat partner in crime Kooky Kyle.

1. Bosses – Bosses fucking suck no matter how you try to disguise it.  Fact of the matter is if someone has the power to tell you what to do and your living relays on that it sucks.  Unfortunately that is how the real world works.  I have been a boss and I am sure my employees hated me too.  As far as the slang term “Boss” goes I cant stand it and when I am called such it usually sends me up into a fit of rage.

2. Job Hunting – Pounding the pavement is tough especially in today’s weak ass economy.  Luckily I have a job and whenever I am in need thanks to some of the insanity on craigslist I always seem to find work.  Hey if the job hunt wears you down you can always join the rest of the unemployed losers down on Wall St.

3.  John at New Jetty – New Jetty is this piece of shit wave I frequent in Ventura.  Most times it is no more then a boostable close out.  The place reminds me of New Jersey and usually if I’m not at Rincon then New Jetty is where I can be found.  Every time I surf there with Mauriello he ends up getting all the best waves of the day while I grovel on garbage all session.  It got to the point where I just started burning him on the good ones cause I am an asshole.

4. Gas Prices – Gas prices are a mystery to me.  When I was in High school I used be able to buy gas for .85 cents a gallon.  Now its nearly four bucks a gallon.  I know oil is a limited resource and all, but I do not believe it is that limited.  Also did we not go conquer like half the Middle East after 9/11?  I think gas should be a hell of a lot cheaper.

5.  The Plumbing in Lisanti Land – My apartment has by far the most ass backward plumbing known to man.  Its all old metal piping from the fifties and every time I need any kind of plumbing service I end up with a giant whole in the wall and a bill for over a few hundred dollars and before that happens I always find myself swimming in a giant pool of sewerage.  I am on the first floor and my plumbing is the end of the main line for the entire building.  When there is a clog you do the math on how much waste backs up on my floor.   Hey at least I have an ocean view.

6. Fleas – Fleas suck. I brought home a baby possum two years ago I found in the middle of the street.  Since then I have been plagued with fleas and so has poor Alfie.  They suck and are impossible to get rid of.  Last time I set off eight bombs in my small apartment and nearly killed myself, yet the little fuckers still prevailed.

7. A Love Supreme – In 1965 Coltrane released A Love Supreme.  It was the first time he took a step away from his hard bob roots and began the free jazz career that changed the face of jazz forever.  It is a pretty bad ass album.

8.  West Swells – Ahh west swells, they are the best out here and also elusive as hell.  When its on it makes for the best surfing here in Santa Barbara then anyplace else on the California coast.  Too bad we only see like three a year.

9.  Funny Things Homeless People Say – The homeless are like children.  They say the darnedest things.   The difference is you never know when a bum might shank you.  I guess one must feel the same about children these days as well.

10. “What is the Worst that can Happen” – This is pretty much my official catch phrase that I use to push myself and others over the edge on a questionable decision or situation.  I sort of feel like everyone should subscribe to this mantra.  I think it would make everyone’s lives more interesting.  I mean seriously what is the worst that could happen?

Read Full Post »