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Archive for the ‘Appalling Gnarl from the Net’ Category

It seems everyone I know has blog these days or is in the process of setting one up.  I’m starting to not feel so special anymore.  Well I guess I well always be special in the retarded kid sort of way.  In the words of Bogie “We will always have the short bus”.  Alright that made absolutely no senses what so ever.  How many glasses of Australian Shiraz have a drank tonight?  Too many probably and I have not even gotten out the port yet.

Actually I would much rather have a nice glass of sherry but alas my frugal budget at the moment has forced for a serious cut back in my wine spending, thus no drinking sherry.  Its hard being a sophisticated alcoholic when your broke.  That reminds me look for a new segment coming soon called bottles I have killed this week and why.   Wow I’m a complete scatter brain this evening.  Back to the task at hand.

What was I talking about again?  Oh yeah that’s right, my friend and creative writer Julie Bifano’s new blog.  Jules is a great friend of mine and quite the woman for that matter.  I met her at this run down shit hole of a club called Q’s like five years ago.  The place was three floors of gnarl, two bars and a third floor pool lounge.  Wednesday thru Monday you would be hard pressed to find anyone besides Mexicans in there, but every Tuesday night  they hosted an 80’s dance party that would pack the place.

For whatever reason my old lurk partner in crime Brennan and I killed it every Tuesday night there.  I mean we were fucking pussy magnets.  It was not out of the question to meet multiple groups of woman through out the course of the night and they would come up to us!  It was astounding.  It was on one of these said nights that Julie and a friend of hers came up to us sitting  at a small raised cocktail table and said some bullshit line that made very little sense.

Julie invited us to go to this poetry night she was hosting over at this dive bar called Elsie’s.  We ended up showing up for a very entertaining literary evening.  Jules and I have been friends ever since.  Besides that she is a rather accomplished writer with a very modern spin on things.  She is someone who’s delineation of our society is sad, but true.  Unlike my blog where the content is solely the seemingly fictional yet true life adventures from Lisanti Land, her blog Juliebifano.com is a collection of  her personal original works of fiction in the form of short stories, poems, microfiction and other fun stuff.

I definitely get a kick out of reading her latest compendium.  Next time I string you out for days on end without any new content (even though the surflog gets updated everday, not that anyone bothers to read that.) because I am busy surfing or attempting to break the world record for the most times the act of masturbation can be performed in an 8 hour period, I strongly implore you visit Juliebifano.com and give it a read.  Who knows it may make you realize how imbecilic the shit you read here everyday is and ween you off this garbage.   When it comes down to it surfingruinedmylife.net is like a tall boy of PBR, while Juliebifano.com is more like a 1982 Rothschild finely aged to perfection.  Give it a read and help your brain for a change.

Ahh, PBR...The great American Beer.

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*all the blogs linked in here are because they explain how I ended up where I am.

Maybe I should not put three exclamations in the title line.  Someone once told me that is the equivalent of shouting.  I could have put it in all caps too.  I’m not trying to shout at anyone in particular, but to shout out to all of you my faithful and truly loved readers, your friends, family and diverse spheres of influence.  I…well we, need your help.  Sit back, relax, read on and find out just what it is I ask of you.

Well it all started over a glass of port back in early April at a small little beatnik hole in the wall off State St.  It was right around when I wrote: “The House of Lisanti is in Disarray“, wow that seems so long ago now.  I went downtown with my friend Jules to pretty much cry about my desperate situation.  Early on in the evening she ended up bailing on me for one reason or another leaving me sitting all by my lonesome looking rather pathetic at this tiny little table in the corner.

While there weeping in my $8 glass of less then stellar port this group of four people came up and asked if they could join me.  There were plenty of available tables yet they were rather persistent.  The ringleader of the group, this strange looking Australian dude just would not take no for an answer.    Too distraught to put up any type of fight I agreed.

They asked what was a matter and my response was” you don’t want to know” To which they insisted to hear my story of deceit, heart ache, despair, destruction and ultimate heart break (although at that time I still believed I had a chance). You can read about that story in “Bowing Out.  They were pretty genuine people and all seemed like worthy and respectable individuals, traits very uncommon amongst many today.  With their careful prodding and fun input the story took on a life of its own and when all was said and done I had four new friends.

Turns out the Aussie, Nick was throwing a party at his house the following day and invited me to come.   Although my plans were to stay in bed for the next five days or so I decided to attend.  The party turned out to be a ton of fun where I met heaps of wonderful people.  About a month later right after “One Last Perfect Day” was dropped, Nick had another party, which I also attended.  Trust me if you ever have the opportunity to go to one of his events make sure you grab the bull by the horns and show up.  They are just about unsurpassed.

Since my life went down the crapper everyone loved to tell me that everything happens for a reason and other bullshit cliché stuff of that variety.  Up until now I did not believe them and just frankly wanted to bash skulls in each and every time I heard that type of stuff.  Now looking back I realize there may have been a lot of truth in that adage.

The thing about these parties is that I seldom know anyone at them because everyone is rather new to me.  It is a completely different circle then I am used to traveling in.  The majority of the attendees are really positive, hardworking, professional people all around my age, instead of the typical burnt out waste of space characters I usually choose to keep around me.  I must admit it is a very refreshing change.

At this particular event I began talking with this pretty chill guy Ken, who ended up with in the course of a few casual question most likely just to be polite and make conversation got wrapped up into a string of tales from Lisanti Land.  Poor guy.  As it turns out he is a musician as well and we had very similar musical roots.  Ken apparently runs this theatre company here in Santa Barbara with his lovely girl friend Kyra called Proximity.

Through the course of the evening Ken said he thought he could use me in the company.  We exchanged numbers and then I cruised out to meet up with some friends at the Wild Cat, after all is there any other way to end a perfectly good Saturday? I think not.  I was thinking it a 50/50 chance he would hit me up.  I was sort of hoping he would though, because I have just recently been wood shedding on my horns hardcore and would love to work my way back into the arts.

About a month passed and I figured that Ken was no longer interested.  It was no worries I was not sure if was ready to play in that capacity anyway.  Then I got a call from him that he was having a potluck dinner meeting with the group and if I would like to join.  I still sort of thought he was just trying to get me over so I would cook a banging dish for his group (I did my usual go to pot luck dish: Baked Ziti, it feeds a large number and is absolutely scrumptious, don’t worry I promise to post some new recipes soon).  Turns out he was pumped to have me and so was everyone else there.

What an amazing group of people he had assembled for Proximity.  With out even seeing them in action I could tell these artists were very talented (after experiencing their capabilities, I can vouch for the entire group).  They were all so passionate about what they have going on.  I had not seen passion like that since my early Berklee days and it was refreshing.  It’s not about the money or the accolade, but just about the pure love of putting on an incredible performance and that warmed my heart more then anything has in some time.

Important!  Read Here:

Why have I wasted your time with this pointless boring story you ask.  First off you should all know by now I am rather long winded much like Hawthorne, except I am not paid by the word.  Second I, we at Proximity need your help.

We are a very small group who are doing this for the love and not the money.  Proximity is also a nonprofit organization (its legit and tax deductible!)  This summer we are putting on a pretty big production of an original show written by group member Karina Richardson entitled Shandy Wilkes.  It’s a pretty cool story that I will not get into here but will furnish a link to it at the end of this blog.   All I can say is that it is guaranteed to be an excellent show.  The plan is to run it here in Santa Barbara from August 10-12 at The Center Stage Theater and take it to New York City from August 18-20at The Robert Moses Theater.

To put on a performance of this magnitude it is not going to be cheap and this is where I am personally reaching out to each and every one of you.  We are looking for donations (like I said before whatever you give can be used as a tax write off) from anybody looking to support something great. You can give as little as $1 or as much as you wish.

It’s not like me to go soliciting for money or I would have a donation button here on my site. Considering that, you have to think I must really have high hopes for this project.  All I can say is that this group has given me something to believe in again, has helped me get my life back on track and allowed me to once again enter into the music world, a place I once swore I would never take part in again.  I am very excited for this, but we can’t do it with out your help.  So if you have anything to spare even if it is just $1, throw it in the pot cause every little bit helps.

You can donate and learn more about the project here: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/kenurbina/proximitys-shandy-wilkes-in-sb-and-ny

Check out Proximity and what we are all about here: http://www.proximitytheatre.org/

Support this cause for no other reason then to get me back on the sax.

Thank you for listening.

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I am going to come clean.  I am a craigslist personals reader and even on occasion participant.  I know its gnarly, but it can be rather exciting and definitely entertaining.  Shit, to my chagrin I have yet to be stabbed by a random blind meeting.  I have always wanted to be stabbed.  I feel like it would be pretty bad ass to take a blade to the gut.  Nothing fatal or permanently damaging, but I’m talking clean in and out, no arteries, just a plain deep wound that requires like fifty stitches or so.  How bad ass of a scar and story would that be?  As far as gun shot wounds go I don’t want any part of that.  Too gnarly.  I don’t want doctors fishing around my system for any excess lead.

My favorite part of the Craigslist.com personals is the missed connections section.  Its so interesting the types of things people write in there.  First off the majority of them are these asinine posts that read like this: “hey I saw you on State St riding a cool green bike on Friday at 1 pm.  You were hot, hit me up” or “We had a nice conversation in the super market about your fruit selection but I forgot to get your phone number”.  I really wonder if any of those people ever actual find each other through Craigslist?  If anyone reading this has or knows someone whom that has worked out for please leave a comment for me.  I would love to hear about it.

It would put a smile on my otherwise somber face.  Once some dude wrote this funny ass story about some dude who tried to steal his bike seat on mothers day.  That one was so humorous I almost shit my pants reading it.  Then there are all kinds of other crazy shit.  Bottom line, if you are bored or have too much time on your hands like myself (honestly if you are reading this crap then you most likely have too much time on your hands) I would spend a moment or two reading the missed connections section of your local Craigslist.

I just gave it a perusal came across the following post:http://santabarbara.craigslist.org/mis/2441269370.html

” I’m aware we crossed each others paths recently. I hope all is good in your world. My world is really looking up. I just landed my dream job in the city of Angles. My patience, tolorence and good work ethics are panning out. I never lost hope. Hope can carry a long ways as long as you never give up and keep on putting one foot in front of the other. For me I have a faith that keeps me centered and has always helped me get through some of the toughest times in life. I know you are not a believer and thats ok but really when all else fails where do you go from there? I know there are lots of opinions here on that and that’s cool. Actually some of your opinions have really made me think. But anyhow I won’t bore you with that. I forgive you for the things you said and did towards me. I hope you can do the same. We worked well together most of the time but our diffences are really what ended things. So I miss the person I once knew. I think you let a good catch go although I’m sure you disagree. I do hope the best for you. I wouldn’t try too hard here as instant gratification is usually a temporary fix which can distract people and create a real “missed connection” that only appears for a brief moment then poof it’s gone. Take care my dear and it’s ok to wave from a distance.”

Upon reading it I thought man this guy is pathetic.  Immediately after I thought hmm…is that what I have sounded like the past two months?  I think we all know that I am pathetic anyway.  The problem with being a hopeless romantic is the hopelessness.  I guess my story is not all that unique and I am just another poor sap who lost at the game of love. But hey it could be worse I could be like this guy above and posting random shit on craigslist for attention.  Oh wait I don’t need to because I have my own blog to accomplish that task.

Just because...

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Every now and then I find something so amazing out there in cyber land that I just have to share it with everyone here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  Llamas With Hats is just that sort of thing.  It is an animated web cartoon series I am putting up there with Salad Fingers (If you have not seen this gem which was featured back in the Myspace days check it out here http://www.fat-pie.com/salad.htm).

Llamas with hats are right up this same alley of sick and twisted sense of humor.  Below are all three episodes.   For me it was a win all around.  I love llamas, I love hats, I love llamas with hats and I love their antics!  Watch and enjoy.

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

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