Surfing Ruined My Life

May 2016 Surf Session

5-31-16 PM Session: 2-4+ ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 3 hrs
Waves Surfed: 34
I had an appeal hearing this morning to keep my unemployment insurance benefits because of bullshit bureaucratic incompetence.  The result of which left me up a creek with out a paddle.  Lucky for me I am a resourceful mother fucker, cant be kept down by anything and always find a way to slip through the cracks.  Having an above average IQ in a world of absolute morons helps too.  Anyhow pretty sure I nailed the thing and managed to put the whole system on trail at the same time.  Due to such I was unable to get down south till the afternoon.  My plan was to just cruise to Malibu and see about walking to low tide Little Dume.  As I was passing Ventura I noticed the wind was still very light and made the decision to check River Mouth.  As it turned out though a tad drained and some texture it appeared there were some racy little corners.  I wasn’t really sure that it was all that surf-able, but I went for it anyway.   Sure enough I managed a bunch of sick ones and even found a double barrel.  I was hoping it would get even more fun as the tide came up, but instead a few guys showed up ( I had the place all to myself) and it began to close out.  Then the wind ruined what ever else was left.  I guess I lucked into a perfect window.

5-30-16 AM Session: 2-3+ ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 18
I was pumped that there was finally some swell in the water and a real chance to try my new board.  It was less then stellar with some ugly sw wind on it.  There were still some south sets and though a bit drained Ryan and I walked super deep south and found a decent bank near McGrath.  As the tide turned around it became hard to line up and a bit inconsistent.  I drifted down to the River Mouth where it was a bit more shallow and way more hallow.  I finally got into a kill-able little groove out there when I snagged a medium size one, back doored the tube saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but just got pinched on the way out.  When I came up my board was in two pieces.  Even average size River Mouth packs a punch.

5-29-16 No Surfing: 2-3+ ft
Of course when I had tons of time there were no waves and the one day I am all booked up it’s the best waves in ten days. Whatever such is the way of things.  I heard Ventura Harbor was decent and Emma had a few in the afternoon.

5-28-16 No Surfing: 1-2 ft
More small surf and less motivation, coupled by some back pain caused me to stay home this morning.  Instead I sat in my backyard and listen Bernie Sanders and all his stupid supporters soon at a rally at Santa Barbara City College behind my house.  Then I had a wedding in the Valley.  I need this flat spell to end soon!!!!

5-27-16 PM Session: 1 ft, Mesa Lane
Time in Water: 1 hr 15 mins
Waves Surfed: 28
Talk about bad.  I knew it was terrible going into it, but I guess I was hoping for a little bit more then what was on offer.  What appeared to be grovel able two foot wind swell turned out to be barely ankle high gutless boat wake.  I should have taken Bizarro’s advice and stayed home.

5-26-16 No Surfing: 1-3+ ft
There was a little bump up in the wind swell and when I use the word little I stress the word LITTLE.  I was not about to blow my gas on some knee to waist high mush especially since I had a bit of catering to do at 11am.  I checked Mesa Lane at around 5ish and although there was a knee to maybe thigh high wave coming in I couldn’t find the stoke or motivation to walk down the stairs.  Also there was a little kid out having trouble making sense of it and he is half my size with double the froth.  Over it I went home to contemplate life and the world, but ended up just masturbating instead. Good times.

5-25-16 No Surfing: 1-2 ft
More flatness and I am beginning to feel the angst of not having surf.  Yesterday I had to roll to the DMV to get a replacement license for the one that was stolen from me.  Although not as annoying as such a trek could have been I must comment on the experience for a moment.  First off I made an appointment on the internet for 2:15pm.  I arrived at the scheduled time only to find out I was not on the list as was not the gentleman next to me as well.  As it turns out they only print out the list at 8am that morning and don’t revisit it even thought the DMV website continues to make appoints at times throughout that day.  After that I was given a form to fill out and an area with pens to fill it out with.  There were eight pens and only 3 out of those actually worked.  From there I was given a number and asked to wait.  It wasn’t long at all, but when I was called I found it rather startling that I was asked for no ID and that they didn’t want me to take a new picture despite the fact that the photo on my current license was ten years old.  I guess everyone has forgotten about 9-11. I ended my day with a game of Tennis in which my girlfriend kicked my ass.  As a result of such I have been sore as hell all day.  Good times.

5-24-16 No Surfing: 1-2+ ft
And the flat goes on with little hope in sight.  Rather then cry over spilled milk I am going to use this opportunity to go get my new drivers license since I have yet to replace it since it was stolen from me a few weeks ago.  Yeah I know I’m hopeless.

5-23-16 No Surfing: 1-2+ ft
More flatness ensued today.  Over it my girl and I went and explored Tucker’s Grove Park off of Cathedral Oaks in Goleta.  It offered up some nice wooded hiking trails, an entertaining dog park and some pleasant picnic grounds.

5-22-16 No Surfing: 1-2+ft
The great flat spell has begun known as summertime.  Looks like there is pretty much going to be little more then slim pickings up and down the California coast for the next few days.  Actually I have a few things to do anyhow this week so it sort of works out.  Sort of.

5-21-16 AM Session: 2-3 ft, Gold Coast
Time in Water: 2.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 26
The cams looked bad this morning and I was tad reluctant to even bother.  Then that terrible forecast looming on the horizon had me driving south.   The wind was already up a tad.  There was some NW/SW combo action still in the water and with the high tide I really was banking on Emma to be fun.   It wasn’t and I didn’t trust the wind to waste time or gas on the harbor.  Over it was on the way back when I noticed a few corners at the Gold Coast.  It was far from decent, but I saw enough to force a paddle. It was as bad as it looked, maybe worse.   To top it all off I was trying to learn a new board and we all know how much I love that…

5-20-16 No Surfing: 2-3+ ft
With all the long term forecasts looking rather grim I was a bit pissed when I woke up to conditions all blown out. I was  hoping the winds might clock around in the afternoon, but with the minimal swell and poor conditions I found myself steadily over it.  Instead I hung out on the rocks at Mesa Lane with my chick and watched the sun set.  Summer sucks.

5-19-16 AM Session: 2-4+ ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 2 hrs 45 mins
Waves Surfed: 29
I found some fun south swell/ nw wind swell combo down at the River Mouth and for a change there were barrels.  Good corners were few and far between and mostly it was a bunch of close outs, but every now and then I lucked into a left drainer south set that was a tube and a half.  Its been so long since I was properly barreled.  The River Mouth has a long way to go and with the constant flow from it being open the water is rather dirty.  I think it may shape up yet there this season.  I’m stoked, now if only I can get instagram to unlock the caption and comment end of my account my day would be complete.  Turns out someone hacked my account and posted god knows what, but whatever it was the shit caused instagram to locked me out. Fucked man. First my car then my instagram, what’s next?

5-18-16 AM Session: 3-5+ ft. Jalama
Time in Water: 3 hrs
Waves Surfed: 34
I actually had no intent on surfing up north today.  Ryan called me and said that Ventura was shitty.  The cams at Malibu looked small as well.  Jalama looked clean and the report looked favorable so I made the gamble a at a late start.  For once my diligence or lack there of paid off.  When I got to the bluff there were clean fun peaks up and down the beach with only a handful of guys out.  Stoked I paddled Cracks and as per usual as soon as I got out there all the dawn patrol guys bailed leaving the entire line up all to myself.  Three friends of mine paddled an hour in and the four of us traded really fun though a tad on the lully side, waves.  It was by far the best Jalama I have gotten yet this season.

5-17-16 PM Session: 2-3+ ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 22
This morning I had an appointment that may cause my life to go in a very serious direction.  Time will tell about that one.  Trevor had texted me early that Rincon looked fun and Ryan confirmed there was plenty of NW wind swell in the water.  I went to directly to Rincon and sure enough there were some solid lines running down the point.  It looked a little soft and my first instinct was to go look around.  Then Killian got a good one and I figured if he was out there then it must be the best option. Unfortunately it was as weak as it looked and I should have trusted my first instinct.  Then I pushed the envelope and paddled up to indicator, my least favorite section of Rincon and as a result the one I surf the worst.  Couple that with the lack luster waves and my session wasn’t going as I would have liked.  I did manage one sick bomb all the way through the River Mouth and found a couple at River Mouth and the Cove.  I should have stayed in that area, MY AREA, but in all actuality I should have probably surfed someplace else.

5-16-16 AM Session: 2-3+ ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 2 hrs
Waves Surfed: 38
I noticed that there was a bit more surf on both the buoys and the cams and immediately cruised south.  I had a look a Rincon though there were a few waves coming in it wasn’t quite enough to entice me.  Next stop was Pitas, but that was too high.  I ended up at Emma, which was nothing spectacular.  At that point I just wanted get the surf over with so I could get on with my day.  Turns out it was way more fun then it looked albeit a little on the soft side.  I ended up frothing.  What can I say Emma and I have always had a very special relationship.

5-15-16 No Surfing: 1-3 ft
The surf was super small and far from motivating I partied to late and then had this to do the rest of the day.  Over it I called it day on surfing.  It appears some small NW wind swell pulled in so maybe we will get a break tomorrow.

5-14-16 PM Session: 2-3+ ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 1 hr 45 mins
Waves Surfed: 27
Honestly I had no intention on surfing at all today.  We raged rather hard at the Cat last night thanks to an unexpected guest Jimmy Jangles showing up at my door ripe to party.  The night that ensued was certainly not a light one.  Ryan called me around noon and said he was paddling Shores on his long board.  It wasn’t enough to entice me off the couch that was for sure.  He called me again after his surf and said there was definitely more south energy in the water. After checking the cams I confirmed this and headed out for a surf.  Luckily for me the wind was light south and River Mouth was rather clean and sure enough it was waist to chest high.  The sand was still shit and there were many close outs, but I did manage to find a few corners and a runner or two.  Nothing spectacular, but I was glad I got wet.  Summer, and south swells suck.  Only four months till fall.

5-13-16 AM Session: 1-3 ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 1 hr 15 mins
Waves Surfed: 21
I was hoping that some new south swell would have filled in this morning as the reports had foretold.  Surfline was calling 2-3 ft with the occasional 4 ft set.  With this in mind I struck out early for Ventura Harbor hoping for some fun south bowls.  The tide was super low and the waves very small, waist high at best on set.  I had a look at The Shores but that wasn’t any better.  I almost called it quits when I forced a desperation paddled at River Mouth.  Usually when a force a surf I always end up having more fun then it looked.  This time it was worse then it looked and after my third wave the wind came up making it worse.   The sand sucks out there at the moment making it very racy, closed out with the odd ball corner I had to chase up and down the beach.

5-12-16 No Surfing: 2-3 ft
I had a little catering thing at 11am today and before that the morning cams for Ventura looked absolutely pathetic.  I decided to save my gas and hope for this new south to fill in tomorrow.  I had a look at Mesa Lane this evening and there was about a knee high crumble coming through that I for the the life of me couldn’t muster up the motivation to surf.  There were three humpback whales frolicking in a circle doing all sorts of whale type things just outside the line up.  It worked out that there wasn’t any real surf cause I had lots and lots of “office work” to handle that I have been putting off for a little over a week now.  I still need to go to the DMV and get a replacement license for the one that got knocked off in my car.  Oh well…

5-11-16 PM Session: 2-4+ ft, Jalama
Time in Water: 45 mins
Waves Surfed: 10
I hung around and enjoyed he serenity of having a beach as beautiful as Jalama all to myself.  The wind was still rather light and Cracks had a few decent south sets running through.  I figured considering that the next few days the surf is going to suck I might as well give it one more go.  Of course as soon as I paddled the sun came out and right behind it was the wind blowing things out to shit.  I caught a few and called it a day.  Lucky me on the way back down the Jalama Road they were shooting a movie and I was delayed nearly thirty minutes.  Fuck you Hollywood stay in LA.

5-11-16 AM Session: 3-5 ft, Jalama
Time in Water: 2 hrs
Waves Surfed: 30
I checked the cams and north looked the best.  Ryan confirmed that Ventura was pretty below average making my decision easy.  Though I had a later start then I wanted there was a strong marine layer and I was hoping the best.  Of course on top of my late start I was slowed down by traffic due to construction at Gaviota State Beach, then I was halted on the one thanks to some stupid car commercial shoot and finally I hit more construction further up the one.  All and all It took me almost two hours and change to get to the beach and by then the wind had gotten on it, though not enough to absolutely trash things.  I paddled out in between Cracks and Tarantella’s where there was a decent double up bowl that usually forms there in the spring.  Until the tide got too high I actually managed to get some good ones.  Once that turned off I moved over to Cracks which was more consistent, but a bit more torn up with the wind.  I got a few more and decided to kick it on the beach till the tide turned.

5-10-16 AM Session: 2-4+ ft, County Line
Time in Water: 2.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 22
After yesterday I didn’t want to risk Jalama.  There was some south in the water and I figured I could find something fun in Ventura.  It was a lie since all I saw were wind blown close outs in the Harbor and tiny waves north of there.  I really wanted to surfed and made the risk that Malibu would have something fun.  Zeros was small and far from inspiring not to mention packed.  Leo looked fun but was way too crowded for the size.  I settled for County which was also packed, but had a few crossed up peaks worth the battle.  Though nothing to write home about I did manage two left tubes and one right hander that made the drive palatable. No photo cause I just got my new phone tonight.  Look for new photos to come starting tomorrow.

5-9-16 No Surfing: 2-3+ ft
I actually made a solid attempt to surf, driving all the way to Jalama.  When I got there the wind had just came up.  Being that it was still cloudy out I hoped maybe the wind would come down.  I hung around for three hours till I was so cold I was over it and bailed.  I heard Cstreet was solid right before dark.  At least I made a half decent seafood risotto for dinner.

5-8-16 No Surfing: 1-3+ ft
Surf was super small and far from inspiring.  Rather then waste my time and gas driving around like a chicken with out a head.  Instead I decided to do my new thing for the week and headed up to Knapps Castle this gilded age mansion that burned to the ground in the 1940 due to a brush fire.  All that remains is the chimneys, a few arches and the foundation.   Its breath taking views remained.  I took these in with a nice bottle of wine and good friend and even though we were not millionaires for a brief afternoon we were able to experience how the other half lives and at the same time the homeless considering we were hanging out in the burnt our frame of a once grand structure.  Finally we capped off the evening with a trip to the Cold Springs Tavern another historical site in the Santa Barbara area.  This eatery has been around since the 1860’s when it served as a stage coach out post.  Today the history of the place remains as well as a splendid meal.  I’d say it was a decent alternative to groveling garbage down south.

5-7-16 No Surfing: 2-3+ ft
Gabe and I spent the day in the shaping bay working on what appears to be a sickie for me to rip the fuck out of as soon as it gets glassed.  After that we had a looked at Ventura harbor and although ride-able it was far from inspiring.  Being very tired from partying till the sun came up we decided to bag it, get some fish and chips and some rest.

5-6-16 No Surfing: 2-3+ ft
I think I celebrated Cinco de Mayo a little too hard last night and basically blacked out just after midnight.  I woke up around noon and had a catering thing from 2-8 thus I was all booked up and left with no time to surf.

5-5-16 No Surfing: 2-3+ ft
Last night Bizarro and I hit the relasp Wednesday scene at the Wild Cat super hard.  We both took the train to Fancytown hard core.  As a result I had a late start and then traffic sucked so I gave up on it. I heard Santa Clara wasn’t bad.

5-4-16 AM Session: 3-5+ ft, New Jetty
Time in Water: 2 hrs
Waves Surfed: 29
I was really hoping for more Rincon action this morning, but a significant drop in swell and some ugly south winds had other ideas.  Thus I found myself back at the scene of the robbery, Ventura Harbor.  Part of me wanted to never surf there again cause I felt so violated by the incident Friday.  Then I decided that I am not going to let some low life degenerate ruin one of my favorite places and most consistent places to surf.  I have just beefed up my security measures to hopefully avoid another break in.  New Jetty had a wave coming through and with the south wind it was the best option.  I paddled and found a few decent lefts despite the back washy high tide conditions.  No photo since I still have not received my new phone.

5-3-16 AM Session: 3-5+ ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 3 hrs
Waves Surfed: 24
Holy shit Rincon was FIRING this morning!!!!! I am talking winter time firing.  I had no idea.  I was cruising south either to surf something in Ventura or Malibu.  As I was passing ‘Con I did a look back and saw a short boarder drop into an overhead wave.  Filled with awe and doubt I drove back to have a look.  As I can down the trail low and behold I saw tons of solid sets rolling through with a very light crowd and these lines were solid runners from the top of the Cove all the way to the Freeway. It didn’t tale me long to get out there or score my first leg burner.  Out of 24 waves twenty of them I got all the way to the freeway.  I didn’t want to quit but my legs nearly gave out on me on my last wave.  What a great day of surfing. No photo cause I still don’t have a phone yet.  Blame the scumbags who robbed me.

5-2-16 PM Session: 4-6+ ft, Jalama
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 17
There was some new south swell in the water and I had a late start since I decided to enjoy a splendid little brunch out in the salty beach air over at Sambos with a friend of mine.  I wanted to go to Malibu, but then looked on surfline.com and noticed it was the cam of the day.  The Jalama cam was still clean and the report called for light winds all day.  My friend had never been up there before and I really wanted to have a look at the banks anyhow. An excursion up north it was. When I got there I had to re-up my park pass since my year was up.  The surf had a bit of west texture on it, but over all for the afternoon it was rather clean. Pumped I made the hike toward Cracks.  The surf was solid, well over head on the sets.  There must of been some NW out there as well cause every now and then a real bomb would show up and close out the entire beach.  No one was out and I suited up.  Of course as soon as I paddle out the wind went picked up about 10mph out of the NW and with out the kelp to clean things up it got rather messy and not very much fun fast.  With all the chop I found myself steadily under gunned.  I managed a few, but mostly it was a lot of work for very little reward.  I hung around till dark hoping for a glass off that never came until just a little before sunset. In attempt to make Lemonade out of lemons I decided to bringmy friend to one of my favorite Italian places in all of Santa Barbara and California, La Botte in Lompoc.  Sadly I also found out that another one of my favorite eateries in Lompoc, The Jalama Beach Cafe had closed down.

5-1-16 No Surfing: 3-5+ ft
There was a healthy amount of combo swell in the water.  I wanted to get up and surf early, but I needed to help my friend finish moving.  With out my phone communication has slowed down to just email and facebook.  As a result I have to be near my computer if I am expected.  Also I am still rather sour about being robbed just trying to get a few waves and I think it has left a bit of a negative connotation on surfing.  Whatever I will get over it.  On another note my moron roommate Bizarro lost Alfie out his bedroom window last night and he has yet to return.  Here is keeping my fingers crossed he comes home.  Why is it that everything goes south at once.  Hoping for some better times this week.