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Archive for January, 2013

Some days I wonder why I even get out of bed in the morning.  Things would be far better if I just stayed under my warm covers on my comfortable mattress with my cat sleeping at my feet.  Life would just be so much easier.   Yet every morning I drag myself out of bed and for the most part force myself to make the most of the meager sphere of influence I exist in.

Sure my life seems pretty simple to all of you sitting at home or in your cubicle reading my drivel to kill time or what have you.  Most people have responsibilities, a sense purpose or even just a need for a sense of purpose to keep them going.  I don’t have that.  I get up day in and day out, punch the clock for eight and half hours at a mindless job that a monkey could do if properly trained and sanitized.  Meanwhile over the past four years I have watched my sanity slowly slip away.  This is another entity I am very ok with.  A sane man in an insane world cannot be sane.

The majority view me as insane yet I view the majority and how they behave to be crazy.  Just like that I mentally dropped out of society.  The problem with living in your own world is the consequences of what happens when your fantasy world collides with the “real world”.  This is a terrible predicament I find myself constantly reliving over and over again.  Two steps forward followed by another ten steps back.  I am not going to lie most of, if not all of it is my own damn fault.  It took me thirty years of my life to finally take the blame for my own actions.

I am a bad decision maker.  Let me rephrase that.  I don’t think they are bad decisions they just don’t fall into line with those of the mainstream thus ultimately that difference of view I have on things makes them bad decisions.  One can always justify his own actions in his own mind after all.  From time to time these bad decisions come back to haunt me. It is for that reason I shall always be caught in the rapture of myself.

At the moment I sort of have a pile of bullshit suffocating me.  It is taking all of my physical, emotional and mental strength to keep on.  If I have not had much to say here I am sorry for that.  I have been advised that it would be very adverse to talk about what is going on in a public forum such as this.  For now I need to keep it all inside, which has never been healthy .  I promise that when everything is said and done I will elaborate in many, many words here.

Just know that I am fine and surviving.  This too will pass.  It is not for those in troubled times to remorse on how they got there, it is only for them to use the time they are given to do their best to persevere   What I will say is that I have not been hitting the bottle as a result of what is going on and nor have I been tempted to.  I think I crawled into a bottle long enough over the past two years and now that I have crawled out I am not about to fall back in.  I will try to keep writing my usual stuff here.  Just know that I have a lot on my plate at the moment and it is taking up the bulk of my concentration.  As always if your hard up I do update the surflog every day.

Yeah this pretty much describes how I feel at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I dont.

Yeah this pretty much describes how I feel at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I dont.

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December has with absolutely no contest become my favorite month of the year.  As a surfer one would consider such a comment rather absurd.  The days are the shortest of the year, air and water some of the coldest.  Here in Santa Barbara it is one of the more consistent months with usually good conditions, even in this the shittiest of winters ever.  For me it means over half the month not having to work allowing me to remember what it was like back in the old days when there was always time to find the best possible spot with the best possible conditions any day any time.

The smash and grab short sessions I am usually afforded courtesy of the rat race, although nourishing barely fulfill the daily/weekly does of stoke it takes me to get through this drudgery that is life.  It is very refreshing to have that luxury for over 15 days ever December to be able to just kick back and surf.  There were some key days this months.  Rincon dished up over a week of epic conditions mid month that left my legs hurting so bad by the end of it I was walking cowboy style.  The beach breaks decided to remind me just how deep I could ride the tube thanks to hard offshore winds and some really good sand bars. Even town managed to serve up a day or two.  Here are how the numbers panned out.

Surf Sessions: 27
Days Surfed: 25

Total Time Spent in the Water: 48.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 740
Average Waves per Hour: 15

Spots Surfed:
Rincon: 7
New Jetty: 6
Emma Wood: 6
Mesa Lane: 3
Hollywood by the Sea: 2
Hammonds: 2
Silver Strand: 1

Top 3 Sessions (as per the Surflog)

3)12/22/12 PM Session: 3-5+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 16
Wow I went to fucking fancy town last night.  Too much booze, too much party and a bit too much gnar for one night if you ask me.  Pat and I woke up at around 1pm all fucked up and hung over with little if any recollection of what happened. We got some breaky at Garrett’s since neither of us were in any condition to surf at that moment. Also it was cold, rainy and there appeared to be a SE wind plaguing things anyhow.  After a fine repast we got our act together and cruised to Rincon where it was mother fucking firing.  Things had glassed off.  The lines were perfect and there were barrels everywhere.  I had about six waves through the cove that could have been the waves of other’s lives, as for me it was just another perfect day at Rincon.  I got one in the cove where I was in the barrel for nearly the entire ride.  Had to easily be a ten second plus tube.  Sooooooooooooooooooo Goooooooooooooooooooooooood.   Now its time for Round three at the Wild Cat.

2)12/16/12 PM Session: 2-3+ft, New Jetty
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 54
What a surf…See blog “We Certainly Could Have a Worse Lot in Life

1)12/29/12 PM Session: 5-7+ft, Hollywood by the Sea
Time in Water: 2hrs 15mins
Waves Surfed: 25
I woke up on my couch yet again with a pile of crumpled up tortilla chips all over me around 8am.  Another failed night at the Cat.  Failure?  I think not. All my friends were there, my favorite bar tenders were working.  I had a hell of a time.  I looked out my window and the wind was onshore and the tide super high.  Awesome I could sleep in.  By noon a slew of calls started coming in about how the wind was off shore in Oxnard.  Hollywood had some good sand the previous day so I figured I would just go there.  Trevor and I rolled down there and it was fucking firing although a bit inconsistent.  Just head high plus barrels every where with virtually no crowd.  My boy Ryan was surfing at Orange House and we joined him.  From there it was on.  I got a triple barrel on one wave and had some crazy deep ones.  Then this freak set of like 15 10 foot waves came in and cleaned us all up.  I was pushed all the way back to the beach then the reverse rip was so bad I almost thought I was not going to make it back to the line up.  Besides that it was a pretty unreal session.  I told my boys “now if I can only get laid at the bar tonight this may be one of the best days of my life”.

December was one big speed blur of surfing, kind of like this frame grab from Silver Strand.

December was one big speed blur of surfing, kind of like this frame grab from Silver Strand.

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John Coltrane ballads

I have been sick the past few days leaving me with plenty of time to just sit and listen to some of my favorite music.  Finally feeling a little bit better today I thought why not post a groovin’ High.  Its been a while after all.  How about some Coltrane.  Growing up as a young tenor saxophonist I actually despised Coltrane.  I never understood half of what he played, thought his avante garde stuff was absolute gibberish and hated his tone.  I think my anger towards him also stemmed from that fact that there was this kid from North Jersey who was literally a Coltrane clone in sound and style.   Mainly because he spent all of his practice time committing Trane transcriptions to memory.

The little unoriginal copy cat mother fucker used to beat me out for first chair every year at All State Jazz band.  It was always my outlandish solo’s that always blew the audience out of their seats though.   Originality will always bring down a hack.  As a youngster I preferred Sonny Rollins.  I found he had such a bigger tone and brighter perspective.  Coltrane always sounded so sad to me.  Now years later I must say I am equally at awe with both men if not leaning a bit more on the Trane side.

“Say It (Over and Over Again)” is from the John Coltrane Album “Ballads” released on the Impulse label, 1963.  I initially came across it at a thrift shop in New Jersey back in 2004 on vinyl and at the time had an actual turn table to play it on.  On instinct I was not expecting much never being a real fan of any of the ballads Coltrane played let alone an entire album.  As soon as the needle hit the record and I heard that pop I was captivated by the magic that is John Coltrane.  From that day forward I guess one could say I am a Trane fanatic.

This tune is my absolute favorite from the album.  Coltrane’s sound is just so sultry   Add in the fine piano workings of McCoy Tyner and it is absolutely a charm to listen too.  “Ballads” it one of my favorite by him and as a matter of fact I have that same vinyl LP I bought years ago hanging on my bedroom wall.  Occasionally someone recognizes good music and it is refreshing.  More times then not I get “Why is there a black man’s head on your wall”.  Listen and enjoy a master piece.

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2012 came and went and what a crazy year it was.  The world was suppose to end just a few weeks ago, it didn’t.  A freak of a storm plowed through the town I grew up in nearly wiping  it off the map.  Here in Santa Barbara it was business as usual in a town where very little changes from year to year with the exception of population growth.  For me it was year that started out full of self hatred, which led to a serious period of self introspection and finally when all was said and done self actualization.

Last year was a big year for me as far as psychological and emotional growth as a person went.  For the first time in my entire life I can honestly say I am happy with myself  and comfortable with the life I am living.  Yes things are not the way I thought they were to have worked out.  Such is life.  If things always worked out the way planned I think I would be bored to tears. One thing I think anyone who knows me or reads what I write here is that Lisanti Land is anything but boring.  All I know is where I am at in life at the moment may not be perfect, but its good enough for me.  This year I am not making any resolutions instead I am going to just keep on trying to live well.

I thought I would do a little recap on my favorite posts here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net from 2012.

Still Blowing It: Jan 24 2012
It had been a tough month following an even tougher year.  I was still working through tons of personal issues regarding Ade’s leaving.  Had some domestic turmoil thanks to a close friend getting himself into some trouble on the 1st.  I was losing a ton of money on my apartment not having a proper roommate.  As usual I fell for a bar girl and let that drag me down for way too long.  The renovations to the Palace were way more difficult then I had foreseen.  This post pretty much sums up my state in life at that time.

El Capitan, Need I say anymore?

El Capitan, Need I say anymore?

Micheala’s Lisanti Adventure Tour: Feb 2 2012
She came she saw, she conquered.  Micheala will go down in history as the only guest to go as hard if not harder then yours truly.  This past summer I got my revenge out drinking her two fold. It was the Adventure tour that brought about the use of the term Lisanity describing my life and not some dumb basket ball player.

After we finished this bottle of wine we moved on to rum, then AMF's, then we couldn't remember.

After we finished this bottle of wine we moved on to rum, then AMF’s, then we couldn’t remember.

#@$% Valentine’s Day: Feb 15 2012
Well this is not just one of  my favorite writings from 2012 but one of my best ever.  When I get on a good rant there is no telling to what extent I can go.  In this case it was an angry rhapsody against the dumbest holiday ever created add in naked sand sculptures, sexual frustration and of course plenty of masturbation references.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't pretty much sums it all up

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t pretty much sums it all up

Clothes Make the Man: March 23 2012
A rant about my roommate borrowing my pea coat with out asking turned into a wild incoherent lesson in style.

My folks and I looking our best.

My folks and I looking our best.


Food for Thought: April 25 2012
The metamorphosis continues.  Regardless of the many reasons I write here the most important one is just for me to get my thoughts, ideas, fears, beliefs, and realizations out of my head and onto paper or in this case the internet.  The best thing of SurfingRuinedMyLife.net for me is that I can see my own personal growth unfold before my eyes.  “Food for Thought” sort of builds on many of the concepts in “Still Blowing It”.  True to form both these works were spawned out of a surf session.
Savage Pig Brutality
Bubble Time or Bubble Trouble: May 23 2012
You know that saying “make love not war”?  Well for me it became blow bubbles instead of blowing up.  In the midst of despair and confusion an old favorite past time was remembered and a new relaxation technique born.

A Saving Grace?:June 13 2012
Oh what a conflicting soul I am.  Here a constant theme of what to do with my life is explored.  Do I bail out on California and keep heading west till I get east to Australia or New Zealand.  Ultimately nothing was decided but I was pacified by a good session at the ‘Con.
Normal

International surfing Day Ought to be Called International Go F%&K Yourself day June 22 2012
Here I wrote a very funny yet angry commentary about my favorite made up holiday of the year. If you missed the sarcasm in that then maybe this work isn’t for you.

Happy International Surfing Day!

Happy International Surfing Day!

Dating in the Year 2012 July 19 2012
Not even the dating scene was spared in my rants.  In this writing I decided that adult dating was about as much fun as an old man’s figs.

Maybe if I looked as sexy as this guy my beach game would be better.  Hold on a second isn't that the dude my ex girlfriend left me for? hmmmmm

Maybe if I looked as sexy as this guy my beach game would be better. Hold on a second isn’t that the dude my ex girlfriend left me for? hmmmmm


Living Life as a Junkie August 17 2012
Truth of why surfing ruined my life is revealed in a angry rant about bad surf conditions, kooks and over crowding in the line up.

Thank You Rincon October 16 2012
Courtesy of an amazing opening day at Rincon I was reminded that society and all its bullshit was not worth my time or worry.

There is nothing like really good Rincon.

There is nothing like really good Rincon.

We Certainly Could Have a Worse Lot in Life: December 16 2012
One of the last blogs of the year spawned out of yet another surf session hopefully will set the pace for a good 2013

Oh there is nothing like a good tube to set you straight!

Oh there is nothing like a good tube to set you straight!


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I know I have been writing a lot about surfing lately.  What can I say at the moment I am, well always have been I guess perpetually stoked on it.  How else could surfing have ruined my life if I was not.  Surfing Ruined My Life and alcohol will most likely take my life in one way or another be it cirrhosis or drunken mayhem.  Sadly I probably will just end up dying a rather non poetic death chocking on a frozen bean and cheese burrito cause I was too lazy to cook a decent meal.  Then again I guess there is some irony in that now isn’t there?

What the fuck am I rambling about?  Why, a Power of Ten list of course, my favorite of the UCB.  Mauriello takes the last ten list of the quarter and the year.  As usual it is nothing but a collection of pure moronic fun.  Its about time I wrote some stupidity here.  I know I for one can always use a good laugh.

1) Alfie and His Similarities to MyselfAflie and I are two peas in a pod.  The poor cat is an almost 100% product of Lisanti Land.  Sure Sindia had a hand in raising him, but ultimately it was yours truly that took up the plight.  Alfie is a gnarly cat, borderline feral.  Like me he is very vocal and usually of the negative persuasion.  He can take a licking and keep on ticking.  That cat should have died so many times he used up all his nine lives and is on borrowed ones.  Maybe he steals them from other cats.  He is always up for a fight and rarely backs down, but will gracefully accept defeat.  He always has his claws out.  Most cats keep their claws in unless necessary to bare them.  Not Alf when he walks around on my wood floors all one can hear is the clacking of his claws.  He is small for a cat, yet makes up for it in persona.  I am pretty sure if he could talk he would spout tons of egotistical, narcissistic bull shit.  He has trouble getting along with other cats and is skittish around new people.  He likes to case out a situation before putting himself in it.  For all these reasons Alfie’s existence may help prove the nurture vs. nature argument.  One more thing Alfie and I both look amazing in the color black.

Now tell me those are not two good looking guys.  Note the similar look of aggravation on both our faces.

Now tell me those are not two good looking guys. Note the similar look of aggravation on both our faces.

2) How Does Everyone in California Not Work but still seam to live an extravagant lifestyle?: This is a great question and one I have not only given a great amount of thought too, but am also part of the illusion.  First off there is a lot of wealth in California to start with and a good portion of that money is new money owed to some type of career in the entertainment or arts industry.  These occupations pay the beneficiary a great sum of money for a short period of work.  They usually contain some type of royalty or dividend type system which allows one to make money from doing absolutely nothing.  Throw in a large concentration of trustafarians (people who live off trust funds or inherited money), spoiled rich kids living off mommy and daddy, rich foreigners and finally a host of college students also living off their parents dime or the governments’ and you have a large group of people who either do not need to work or work very little.  Finally you have the last collection of people, the majority, the crew I belong to: Lazy People.  In this sect most of us have some type of job that renders us as much money as we can possibly make, while working as little as possible with as little effort as possible.  We live with roommates, find all sorts of ways to make income on the side, work the best deals on everything we own and none of us ever have a penny to spare.  We have learned how to make a dollar out of fifteen cents and spend 100% of our income on frivolous entertainment and possessions.  Since we are so strong in numbers and all understand our cause this counter culture, unproductive life style is celebrated rather then shunned as it is in the north east.  Basically we enable each other and love it.

Enough Said.

3) “The Law of the Club and the Fang”This was a quote and philosophy written by Jack London in A Call to the Wild.  Basic Idea was that dog will yield to either the reign of blows of the club by a man or the bite of another dog.  Here in Lisanti Land I have adopted this philosophy with a passion.  When you think about it, this totally applies to our life.  Everyday you are either fighting or yielding to the club of your superior or doing the same to the fangs of your peers.  Basically it is the idea that life is not pampered and that you are either taking or being taken.  Its living tough.

Kooky and I demonstrating Law of the Club and Fang

Kooky and I demonstrating Law of the Club and Fang

4) Breakfast CerealCereal is an amazing entity.  I eat it just about every day and have since I was around 12.  Couple it with milk and you have quite the nutritious meal.   When I was a professional surfer and broke as all hell (I say this as if I am not still broke as hell) I ate cereal for just about every meal.  I would buy a gallon of milk at three bucks and the giant box of generic corn flakes for four dollars.  I usually got six meals out of that.  Six meals for around seven bucks.  Where are you going to find a deal like that?  Also it is one of the favorite foods of Jerry Seinfeld.

Check out around 1:40 for the applicable clip.

5) The Hobbit MoviesAll I can say is I want my fucking $12 back.  I had not been to a movie theater in nearly six years, SIX YEARS!  I decided to break this incredible streak a few weeks ago to see “The Hobbit” in 3D.  What a fucking sham that was. I had to sit there for three fucking hours wearing a pair of stupid glasses, which gave me a head ache all so that I could watch the occasional item popping out of the screen effect.  Going into this thing I had no idea there was going to be three movies.  I thought they would have summed the whole book up into one movie as they had done with the previous three.  Instead I guess they wanted to milk the shit for all it was worth.  They do not even get out of the Shire until the first hour or so.  The film was just too slow.  If I had not went to see it with my roommate who drove I would have walked out.  One thing I can say I did find the acting and cinematography to be well done.  The screen play adoption certainly did stay very true to the novel as well.  If I were you I would save my money and wait for it to come down to DVD or go find a boot leg.  Or better yet cut your losses completely and just go watch some midget porn.

This is better then any scene in the Hobbit. What do you think really goes on in them Hobbit Holes?

This is better then any scene in the Hobbit. What do you think really goes on in them Hobbit Holes?

What Would A Lisanti Offspring be Like What a question and a good reference to number 1 on this list.  Unfortunately I am not sure I want to be a breeder anymore.  I was dead set on children and a family not long ago, but these days I find myself rethinking the whole thing.  I really like my life as selfish as it is.  I am not sure if I would want to make the sacrifice children force one to make.  If I were to have kids gender regardless both would be very well educated.  Constant reading and writing a must.  I would encourage the study of both science and mathematics even if I lack in both those categories.  I would teach them domestic skills just as they were taught to me.  Of course they would surf and surf well.  I would not be one of those “surf parents”, but I mean I have skill so I would assume they would  as well.  I would instill strong values along the lines of kindness, understanding and patience.  Art and music appreciation a necessity.  My children would understand the finer things in life just as I do.  A male I would teach to grow up strong and self determined.  He would need to learn to be an alpha like myself.  A man needs to take what he wants no questions asked.  If a female I would teach her grace and courage.  I would want her to be self actualized.  She must learn to defend herself, above else manners, courtesy, modesty and integrity, for both sexes for that matter.  I must be honest I kind of don’t view men or woman any different outside of sexuality.  I think both should be prepared equally for the world around us.  The day of inequality between sexes has long since past.  It goes with out saying my offspring would be ridiculously good looking.

CircumcisionI don’t know how much I really have to say on this topic.  I am circumcised and am pretty happy with that situation.  From what I have been told it is more hygienic then not.  I have never met a woman who has been with a guy who was uncut so I don’t really know if there are any sexual advantages or disadvantages.  I am not a bird watcher so outside of pornography have never seen one in real life.

Do Fat Chicks Give Better HeadI can see all my female readers shaking there heads at this point.  On the whole it has been my experience that fat chicks are better at most everything in the bedroom.  Fact of the matter is they are just so appreciative that they are getting some action they are always willing to go that extra mile.  On the other hand take a stuck up hot bitch.  She thinks she is god’s gift to man and thus just lays there dead fish all night.  There are exceptions to every rule.   I must add that I am not a huge fan of fillacio either way.  I respect it as a fun form of foreplay but ultimately could care less about it.  From what I have been told it is the gay dudes and Jewish women who give the best head.  I have yet to experience either.

Life Guard or Coast GuardIn general with the exception of the North Shore of Oahu life guards I have little if any respect for such.  Where I come from they are lazy ass rich kids who wanted an easy job for the summer or teachers trying to make an extra buck for the summer.  They all think they are the shit and tell all these lame ass stories about guarding.  The rest of us roll our eyes and then make fun of them later.  As far as I am concerned they make enjoying the ocean too easy and are weakening the race by allowing the weak to survive.  Coast guard on the other hand is bad ass.  Those guys have all sorts of gnarly ass shit to take care of from drug smugglers, to human trafficking  to illegal immigration to crazy life threatening rescues.  Those boys have always gotten my utmost respect.

Who would win in a Fight, Kooky Kyle or an OstrichThis one is a tough one for me.  Kooky Kyle is pretty gnarly.  Then again so are Ostriches.  I think if its just one ostrich Kooky has odds.  That guy is fucking resourceful.  Some of the shit I have seen him do here in Lisanti Land and heard of abroad gives me plenty of faith that he will prevail.  At the end of mankind it will be just Kooky and the cock roaches.

Kooky taking out prehistoric birds and little kids in one fell swoop.

Kooky taking out prehistoric birds and little kids in one fell swoop.

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