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Archive for May, 2013

Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up!!!

Posted in Anger, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 29, 2013| 3 Comments »

Lisanti Safety grab

 

What the fuck is going on here?  I turn my back for a minute, take a brief hiatus from hating life and some mother fucking small time poor excuse for an impostor decides to go and steal my thunder!  What am I ranting about incoherently you ask? Check this shit out: SURFINGRUINEDMYLIFE.COM circa 2012…Guess what? SurfingRuinedMyLife.net was established in August of 2010.  I know I have been a bit of a slacker as of late.  To be honest all sorts of random ass bullshit has been going on in my life both good and bad and I have not cared to write about everything as an actual post.  I decided to use the surflog for my day to day and blog posts for things of more substance or lack there of.  Just like this very important post.

I know imitation is the best flattery, but if one is to imitate at least get it right and don’t be some poor excuse for another shitty bull shit surf clothing company that means to portray a lie of a life style only really enjoyed by total and utter kooks.  Oh except for in this case where it appears to be two fat old men who can’t surf for shit and are probably just eternal kooks. Just when I though things in this world could not get more fucked up and stupid some idiots design a terrible logo, put it on a cheap fifty cent t shirt and then try and turn around and sell it for $22.  Meanwhile I give away the real thing right here for free.  Kooky Kyle said I should go after them for a share of the profits.  That sounds like a nice idea but I don’t want to end up owing anymore money then I already do cause I could not imagine anyone buying that ugly shit let alone wear it.

Yeah surfing a ton of fun. Just watch out for those fiberglass shanks attached to the bottom of your board

Yeah surfing a ton of fun. Just watch out for those fiberglass shanks attached to the bottom of your board

If you cruise through their nice little site and I stress the word “NICE” (real quick how nice is any of the content you read here?) they have tales of how surfing ruined their lives.  One is about ditching work on a good south to go surf Malibu and what a great time they had.  Let me tell a real tale about going and surfing Malibu on a south swell.  I left my apartment around 8 am, fought three hours of traffic on the 101 in my shitty beat up Saturn with out air conditioning.  Spent another hour finding a parking spot which was impossible forcing me to illegally park.  1st peak was shit house packed with kooks, long boards and SUP’s.  I paddled, got burned on every fucking wave I went for and some chick on a soft top ran me over and ripped my suit.  Then I got back to my car where I had a $100 parking ticket on my windshield and my driver’s side mirror was knocked off where some asshole side swiped me.  I paid $4.50 a gallon to fill my tank so I could drive home, where my angry girl friend made me sleep on the couch cause I forgot it was her birthday.  Now that my friends is a true story of how surfing ruined my life!

My fellow friends at surfingruinedmylife.com continue on in their about us section to talk of their life long devotion to surfing and how that devotion ruined their lives.  Hey boys here is a look at mine.  I spent 22 years chasing terrible waves all around the world in search of fame, fortune and glory.  So far all it has brought me is heart ache, frustration, and anger.  At 32 years old I am broke as fuck, owe money to more people then I can count on one hand, work a dead end job, can barely remember what the word stoke means and have nothing to show for my quest then tons of memories of perfectly good closed out barrels.  It has cost me a marriage, countless relationships, more money then I have earned, friends, family, jobs, schooling, opportunity, and dreams.

PGCB Fun

PGCB Fun

Am I complaining? Absolutely not.  On the contrary, I would not have had it any other way.  Before enlightenment chop wood carry water, after enlightenment chop wood carry water.  I have sacrificed everything in life in order to surf.  I do surf, nearly every single fucking day no matter if it is one foot and blown out or ten foot perfect Rincon.   Please my fat iconic, ironic, counterparts over at surfingruinedmylife.com cease and desist in your retarded portrayal of how surfing ruined your lives.  News flash; all of you have wives, families and most likely decent jobs and I am guessing all of you own SUP’s too.  Nice pictures of surf trophies you found in the trash at HB Pier.  I filled a garbage pail with surf trophies once too.  The guy who threw those away, well I bet surfing really did ruin his life.  Your shit is weak.  So I would like to invite you guys over at surfingruinedmylife.com to come up here to Santa Barbara and suck my BIG FAT HAIRY COCK!!

I think this picture of this bear says it all

I think this picture of this bear says it all

Now here is a guy who surfing has ruined his life.

Now here is a guy who surfing has ruined his life.

 

 

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April Showers Lead to May Flowers?: April 2013 Surfing In Review

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 5, 2013| 6 Comments »

What can I say about the month of April for surfing other then it was yet another month full of let down and frustration.  After a terrible winter I still had a shred of hope that it might be a good wind swell season.  Sometimes I get my best waves in the hard gail force north westerlies.  Wind swell with its shorter period allows certain mysto or novelty spots to come alive for a brief moment.  There are literally dozens of spots up here that only break once or twice a year if at all.  When they do break it is always a treat to surf them.  Of course this year with the exception of one very weak ass surf at Summerland Beach there were none of the above mentioned sessions.

I did my best to stay wet sandwiching in surf time between my work and hectic party schedule.  Here is the month of April by the numbers.  Enjoy my very sick OCD.  As always visit the Surf Log daily for the full scoop on my surfing, party and life in general.

Surf Sessions: 17
Days Surfed: 16
Total Time Spent in Water: 27.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 474
Average Waves Caught Per Hour: 17

Spots Surfed:
Rincon: 4
Santa Clara River Mouth: 4
New Jetty: 3
Emma Wood: 3
Summerland: 1
Cstreet: 1
Pitas: 1

Top 3 Surf Sessions:

3) 4-18-13 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 1.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 24
River Mouth fucking delivered!  What a barrel fest.  I got the call from my boy Ryan at around 7:30 that the wind was off shore down south.  With some small south and fading NW in the water the combo action was just screaming beach breaks. Throw in a lower tide and things were finally looking up.  I got to River Mouth and it looked a little smaller then I was hoping. The sand bars were as I had expected a bit torn up from all the wind the past week.  Still there were some solid chest to head high pits to be had.  There were plenty of guys out, but plenty of peaks spread up and down the beach.  I suited up and was stoked for some fun waves.  I started at the north end of the reeds where I found a sick little left sand bar that was hallow as hell.   I picked off three really fun ones there before running further down the beach where conditions seemed a bit larger and more heavy.  My boy Ryan was sitting on a suck up little A-frame all to himself and I joined.  We traded some good ones although the current was a bit tricky with strange rips and it was a bit lully. None the less I went to work super pumped that morning.

2) 4-12-13 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 1hr 45 mins
Waves Surfed: 23
I don’t know what came over me that got me out of bed before 9am but somehow I was up and ready to surf.  I had checked the buoys the night before and noticed a real jump in the swell.  As I was cruising down south I saw that Santa Claus had some waves indicating a possible wave at Rincon.  I pulled off and sure enough the Cove was going off with a very light crowd.  I ran back up to the lot, texted Trevor that he was blowing it and paddled.  What a session.  I can’t remember the last time I had that much fun.  There were at least a handful that went to the high way.  My legs were killing me by the end of the session.

3) 4-30-13 AM Session: 4-6+ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 3hrs
Waves Surfed: 53
What a fucking session.  Man I am so glad it is finally south swell season and I have a feeling the summer may just make up for the dismal winter we got stuck with.  I slept in a little bit being still a tired from the weekend festivities.  Trevor and I met up in Carp and rolled south with the intentions of checking the River Mouth and if that was sub par possibly running to Malibu.  On first inspection although plenty of size things looked a bit walled with the occasional scattered corner.  We gave The Shores a look over at Fifth St, that was looking more organized but a bit on the weak side.  The debate was then River Mouth or the ‘Bu. I hate driving away from potential thus we suited and charged the Mouth.  As it turned out it was a very good decision with tons of really good left and right corners.  I had some cherry ones and I stuck  the biggest full rotation ally oop of my life.  What a session.

Since the surf sucked and I spent more time at the club then in the ocean here is a picture of my crew and I traveling down the road to Fancy Town.
Cat Party

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