Surfing Ruined My Life

What the fuck is going on here?  I turn my back for a minute, take a brief hiatus from hating life and some mother fucking small time poor excuse for an impostor decides to go and steal my thunder!  What am I ranting about incoherently you ask? Check this shit out: SURFINGRUINEDMYLIFE.COM circa 2012…Guess what? SurfingRuinedMyLife.net was established in August of 2010.  I know I have been a bit of a slacker as of late.  To be honest all sorts of random ass bullshit has been going on in my life both good and bad and I have not cared to write about everything as an actual post.  I decided to use the surflog for my day to day and blog posts for things of more substance or lack there of.  Just like this very important post.

I know imitation is the best flattery, but if one is to imitate at least get it right and don’t be some poor excuse for another shitty bull shit surf clothing company that means to portray a lie of a life style only really enjoyed by total and utter kooks.  Oh except for in this case where it appears to be two fat old men who can’t surf for shit and are probably just eternal kooks. Just when I though things in this world could not get more fucked up and stupid some idiots design a terrible logo, put it on a cheap fifty cent t shirt and then try and turn around and sell it for $22.  Meanwhile I give away the real thing right here for free.  Kooky Kyle said I should go after them for a share of the profits.  That sounds like a nice idea but I don’t want to end up owing anymore money then I already do cause I could not imagine anyone buying that ugly shit let alone wear it.

Yeah surfing a ton of fun. Just watch out for those fiberglass shanks attached to the bottom of your board

If you cruise through their nice little site and I stress the word “NICE” (real quick how nice is any of the content you read here?) they have tales of how surfing ruined their lives.  One is about ditching work on a good south to go surf Malibu and what a great time they had.  Let me tell a real tale about going and surfing Malibu on a south swell.  I left my apartment around 8 am, fought three hours of traffic on the 101 in my shitty beat up Saturn with out air conditioning.  Spent another hour finding a parking spot which was impossible forcing me to illegally park.  1st peak was shit house packed with kooks, long boards and SUP’s.  I paddled, got burned on every fucking wave I went for and some chick on a soft top ran me over and ripped my suit.  Then I got back to my car where I had a $100 parking ticket on my windshield and my driver’s side mirror was knocked off where some asshole side swiped me.  I paid $4.50 a gallon to fill my tank so I could drive home, where my angry girl friend made me sleep on the couch cause I forgot it was her birthday.  Now that my friends is a true story of how surfing ruined my life!

My fellow friends at surfingruinedmylife.com continue on in their about us section to talk of their life long devotion to surfing and how that devotion ruined their lives.  Hey boys here is a look at mine.  I spent 22 years chasing terrible waves all around the world in search of fame, fortune and glory.  So far all it has brought me is heart ache, frustration, and anger.  At 32 years old I am broke as fuck, owe money to more people then I can count on one hand, work a dead end job, can barely remember what the word stoke means and have nothing to show for my quest then tons of memories of perfectly good closed out barrels.  It has cost me a marriage, countless relationships, more money then I have earned, friends, family, jobs, schooling, opportunity, and dreams.

PGCB Fun

Am I complaining? Absolutely not.  On the contrary, I would not have had it any other way.  Before enlightenment chop wood carry water, after enlightenment chop wood carry water.  I have sacrificed everything in life in order to surf.  I do surf, nearly every single fucking day no matter if it is one foot and blown out or ten foot perfect Rincon.   Please my fat iconic, ironic, counterparts over at surfingruinedmylife.com cease and desist in your retarded portrayal of how surfing ruined your lives.  News flash; all of you have wives, families and most likely decent jobs and I am guessing all of you own SUP’s too.  Nice pictures of surf trophies you found in the trash at HB Pier.  I filled a garbage pail with surf trophies once too.  The guy who threw those away, well I bet surfing really did ruin his life.  Your shit is weak.  So I would like to invite you guys over at surfingruinedmylife.com to come up here to Santa Barbara and suck my BIG FAT HAIRY COCK!!

I think this picture of this bear says it all

Now here is a guy who surfing has ruined his life.