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Posts Tagged ‘Nick the Kook’

Back in 2001 the ASP world tour went down to a shortened season as a result of the horrible attacks of September 11th.  As a result two very important world tour events were canceled and CJ Hobgood took the world title.  Unfortunately for him although having the accolade of claiming a world title his name and accomplishment will always carry a little asterisk next to it indicated that it was not a full year and therefore maybe in the minds of some not a true victory.   I say fuck that CJ is the man and deserved that title no matter.

Usually (for those of you unfamiliar with the UCB) the spring quarter runs from April 1st to June 21nd.  This quarter being I completely dropped the ball, shit I only posted 11 blogs in all of June  (thank you for completely taking over my life FRS) I decided to extend it till July 1st and I made the first blog of the quarter worth double points.  Like I said before and I think if you have been a follower here you know how hard the spring quarter has been for me (if your lost read through the April and May archives).  Im not really going to compare it to a catastrophe like 9-11 was, even though I sort of  did.  But all things considered one could reason 2011 has been a bit crazy and somewhat tragic.

Then again back in January I was thinking how boring Lisanti Land had gotten and started feeling I was becoming a drone like the majority of the population.  Luckily for me that did not happen and I have been granted a “do over” in my life.  I have had three already and each time my life has gotten so much better because of it.  A person really close to me told me they were settling and it was killing her.  Maybe I was just settling too, because I just turned 30 this year, I dont really know.  All I do know is that the 5 year plan, and ten year plan are out the window in exchange for no plan at all.  That is how things used to work in Lisanti Land and life was just fine.  I do have a three year and a long term plan, but those are to be discussed in a later blog (don’t forget the novel is coming along very nicely and I am sure it could be a great work of literature).

Enough about me (damn Chris Lisanti is a narcissistic asshole.  Of course I am that is why I have a blog in the first place!).  Lets get down to our Spring UCB Quarter Winners Circle.  The king for the quarter till dethroned is a first timer, Nick the Kook.  Everyone who reads here regularly knows all about the antics of Nick the Kook and I do believe he is with out a doubt one of the most fun surfingruinedmylife.net personalities.  He takes the cake this quarter even if it will always carry the dreaded asterisk.  Kook at least you and CJ Hobgood can have something in common.  By the way, in case you did not already notice Nick the Kook has his own blog now StayWet.net feel free to check it out.  He promises you wont lose you teeth.  As far as he is concerned on the other hand he never knows how he made out the night before till he smiles in the mirror and gets a count of his pearly whites.

Winners Circle:

Nick the Kook: 4 points*
John Mauriello: 3 points
Kooky Kyle: 1 point

Thank you all for playing, and if did not submit any entries then all I have to say is that your blowing it.  Remember 1st prize is a self expense paid trip to Lisanti Land, which includes but is not limited to at least one crazy night at the Wild Cat.  Now who does not want that? Look how well Kooky made out with his first prize just back in march: Kooky Kyle Speaks Out.  Truth be told win or lose everyone has the opportunity to come hang out in Lisanti Land all they need do is ask.   Thanks again everyone for participating and the rest of you for reading and supporting my crazy whimsical fantasy land to which I reside.

Spring was tough for me, but I promise you the worst is over.  The rest of the summer we will have nothing but good times here at Surfingruinedmylife.net. Ok, Im sure there will be some crying, anger and ranting in there too.  According to my statistics it seems you folks like it when I am dealing with adversity more anyhow.

CJ Hoobgood, one of the best backhands in the business.

Your UCB King of the Quarter ladies and gentlemen.

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This week’s UCB makes a victor of Nick the Kook.  You know between Nick the Kook and Kooky Kyle it really begs one to reason what kinds of friends I keep, but since I bestowed those nick names on the two I guess it really points out what kind of asshole friend I am.  Anyway he said I ought to allow user submissions for the Groovin’ High section of this blog.  Well if everyone remembers back to the very beginning of surfingruinedmylife.net in August of 2010 (thats right only about six months ago), when I started Groovin’ High the whole point of it was for everyone to share different musical Ideas and tastes.

I said “feel free to post your own entries in the comments and what those songs mean to you, help me experience music I have never heard of” .  This is what I hoped would happen and in its early days I think about three people posted, Nick being one of them.  Everyday I get a stats report for SurfingRuinedMyLife.net and it gives me all sorts of helpful information about my blog and its readership, which pages are viewed, how many hits each page gets, overall hits, etc.  Well I noticed shortly after the first month of Groovin’ High that the page was not getting any hits at all, as of press time it has only received 118 hits since August 2010.

Now Im not bitching (ok maybe just a tad), just stating some facts. It is for this reason that now with my busier schedule Groovin’ High has sort of feel by the wayside.  Truthfully Im a little saddened by that.  SurfingRuinedMylife.net is a selfish monument to my own personal vanity.  That being said I have been accumulating more hits and readership daily.  For whatever reason be it amusement, mocking, entertainment, interest, pure cubicle boredom people like reading about my life.  Music is a major part of everyone’s life and the tunes they are jamming out to at a certain period of time can really reflect on their character and overall mood.  Right now I personally hate the direction hip/hop and R&B have taken and am listening to more old school stuff as one may have noticed from Groovin’ High.

Im not blaming anyone but myself for the failure of Groovin High.  I put it up as a side show and therefore updates to it are not recorded on the main home page.  A user actually has to click on the link to view the latest update.  To correct this problem I am from this blog foward going to turn the section into actual blogs and then post just the links on the Groovin’ high tab, similar to how Recipe D’Jour or The Coffee Table Saga is done.

Thanks to Nick the Kook I have been motivated to resuscitate this near dying segment I had considered pulling the plug with.  This will be the first entry of the newly revamped Groovin’ High segment.

September, Earth, Wind & Fire

This song is my personal jam.  Everyone has one I dont care who you are.  Even deaf people probably have something they rock out to even if is only as a result of felt vibrations for such music.   September is that song for me.  No matter where I am or what mood Im in when September comes on I cant help but breakdown into some completely retarded dance move.  Its a great song for sure but besides that just the title if you are a surfer on the east coast will make you happy.  September is a great month to be a surfer back east, warm water, light crowds and the bulk of hurricane swell action with the beginnings of Nor’Easter swell as well.

When this tune is played I never know what is going to happen from me breaking it down in the middle of the frozen food aisle in the supper market to getting kidnapped by some psycho bitch at the Wild Cat, anything is fair game.  One thing that will always remain constant when this song comes on is it will completely take over my soul for its duration.  It is very similiar to that Seinfeld episode, where Elaine’s boy friend would go into a trance every time the song Desperado would be played.  Thats a great episode and totally a must watch.

Here is a clip from the Seinfeld episode I referenced earlier.

Finally Nick the Kook made a Groovin’ High suggestion to go with this blog that helps reaffirm why I don’t deal in submissions except for in the comments section of a Groovin’ High blog.  Let me apologize for the abuse to your ears before hand.

http://themusicninja.net/newsongs/Charlie%20Sheen%20Spinstyles%20_Bi_Winning_%20Edit.mp3

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Ridiculously moronic acts of localism in California and my adverse experiences with it has been a reoccuring theme here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  It seems every time we have a fresh instance the ante always gets taken up a notch.  Well today my friends I witnessed at the expense of Nick the Kook one of the most asinine acts of localism ever.  It all went down during a shitty, crowded, closed out sunset session at Pitas Point.

Forecasted  swells out here are always a shit show, the situation becomes even more exacerbated when they fall on a weekend and during a wave starved winter.  All of these entities came into play on this fateful day.  After a great morning session at Rincon (see surf log for more on that) we came back to town and chilled out for a little bit, enjoyed a splendid lunch at the Habit (the best mother fucking burger joint in the world), had an audience with renowned shaper Jason Feist of J7 surfboards, and closed my bank account at the worlds biggest collection of economical rapists Chase Bank.  Things were shaping out to be a remarkable day.

Then it all went so bad so fast.  Expecting a shitty crowd everywhere we headed out with very low expectations.  Rincon had over 200 people, Little Rincon was packed, Hobsons was crowded.  Pitas had a good crowd but over looking around we resolved on giving it a paddle.  Originally I was all for taking a nap in the car while Nick surfed, but then I saw some nuggy looking walls racing through the lower section of the point.

We get out there and with in the first ten minutes of the session I look back and I see Nick paddling for a stretched out one.  I knew he wasnt going to get far but let him play it out.  I guess this old guy in his late sixties, total geriatric was paddling for the same wave but a little farther down the ling.  Nick as he was about to stand up for the wave got sandwiched between his board and the old guy’s.  Before Kook got a chance to get free (all the while the wave peels by unridden) the old guy wound up and cracked Nick the Kook in the back of the head with an opened palmed Hay Maker!! A mother fucking open palmed hay maker!!!!! Who does that kind of aquamarine assault?

I will tell who: Old salty guys who are no longer able to keep up with the pack as a result of their withered body and take their frustration out upon others they feel to be weaker then them.  All I see is nick rubbing his head completely dumbfounded while the old guy is yelling at him.  “You must be from down South trying to pull a bullshit move like that.  Your from LA are’net you? Well Im from here”.  Nick completely confused and slightly maimed mumbled an apology and paddled over to me.

Initially I wanted to go get the guy and smash his face with a cobble stone, but then not being a person of value at Pitas and him knowing most of the other geriatrics out there we would have been ran out of the water and then embarrassingly had our asses kicked by a bunch of guys who were most likely sporting false teeth and Viagra.   Needless to say we let it go.  Poor Nick ended up with a ruined session and a nasty dent in the top of his head.  I felt bad for him but in another light found it to be one of the funner Nick the Kook and Chris Lisanti Misadventures to go down.

Below is a dramatized photo re-enactment of what went down:
(The part of the old man is played by Chris Lisanti, Nick as himself)

"Go back to LA Kook!"

"Go back to LA Kook!"

Smack!!!

"Why would you do such a thing"

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This week makes a victor out of Kooky Kyle who proposed I write about my favorite Nick the Kook moment.  Now the problem with this is there are virtually hundreds of them and all are pretty classic.  Too torn between which was my favorite (heck it could be its own monthly segment here) I decided I would just write about the shit show he was last night at the bar.  I would not call it “the best of Nick the Kook” but I got a kick out of it nonetheless.  Nick gets a half point since this blog is a bit at his expense, not that I care, but I like Nick and feel he deserves something for the inspiration.

 

Before I begin let me spend a few lines to introduce Nick the Kook because he has always been a popular character in this blog but since the move to surfingruinedmylife.net besides winning a few UCBs and the oddball comment he has yet to star in an actual blog.  He is going to make his way out to Santa Barbara for a ten day span starting Jan 5th so Im sure you will hear a lot more of him.

 

I first met Nick about 7 years ago when he was like 13 or something.  I had happened to paddle out at Brown Ave in Spring Lake (currently The Pipe) at the time I exclusively surfed Manasquan and Sea Girt very rarely making to Spring Lake and especially Brown Ave where a year prior a meat head surfer kicked my ass on the beach for back paddling him.  Just so my California readers know in a New Jersey line up altercations will most times go to the beach.  That is an entire different blog or sets of blogs altogether.

 

I happened to paddle out at Brown Ave to surf this shitty left all by myself.  I was out for no longer then twenty minutes when this scrawny kid showed up out of nowhere on a long board was super pumped.  We got to talking and he was interested in my travel and contests.  I guess he loosely knew me by reputation.  After that I did not see him again for over a year.

 

I took a job managing a small upcoming surf shop in Spring Lake and Nick was part of this cult following of groms who hung out there, most of whom I today have come to call my closest of friends.  Nick is one of those special people in life who are not afraid to throw caution to the wind with very little fore thought, basically my kind of man.  Whether it is getting staples in his head while pulling into double up close outs, lacerating his foot slipping on sea weed or loosing his teeth in a freak drunken piggy back ride accident you can always be sure if some great mishap of pure stupidity occurs Nick the Kook will be at the root of it.

 

As some of you know I made a long awaited trip back to NJ for the holiday to see my family I have not been in New Jersey for two years and with my family for Christmas in four.  After spending the entire day being intoxicated while visiting my family Nick made me an offer to cruise to the bar with him and spend my evening being intoxicated with friends.  Who would I be to turn down a night out at the bar?

 

I get there and Nick, Mauriello, Beesley and Bojangles among many others were enjoying a beer.  I soon joined in.  We are all shooting the shit when Nick proclaims that he does not drink heavy anymore while at the same time ordering his third beer.  Keep in mind that Nick was my ride home and let me stress the word “was”.  After that Nick cruised around the bar and I lost track of him for about an hour, most of which time I spent in an attempt to order drinks from the world’s slowest bar tenders.  I finally got my drinks and was making my rounds shaking hands of old friends and acquaintances when Nick turned up completely smashed.

 

John and I were astounded how he went from relatively sober to stone drunk in under an hour.  “Some people bought me shots” spoken incoherently was his answer.  I wish some people bought me shots I was way to sober for his shenanigans.   Then I spent the night pleasurably following Nick and his antics around the bar.  It was like a game of drunken “Where’s Waldo”, plus he was wearing this bright green shirt allowing him to stand out a little.

 

Every time I caught eye of the kid he was slouched over, mouth open and droopy eyed.  Then I observed him at the bar looking to get another drink.  My intention was to walk over stop him but then he offer to buy me a drink and my asshole inclinations took over thus I ended up with a beer.  As soon as the kid got his brew he was on the move once again and out of my sight.  Sometimes he popped up groping the occasional girl or sloppily hitting on another.

 

I had a ball watching the guy.  At one point I searched for him for twenty minutes only to have him pop up out of no where, say some incoherent thing to me and then walk out the door.  I never saw him again that night.  Good thing I always have a back up plan.  People used to always say that I should have my own reality show but I think one of Nick would be far more entertaining.

Nick the Kook in one of his finest moments spring 2010

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