Posts Tagged ‘Drunken fun’

This week’s Kooky’s Korner, Kooky Kyle lets everyone in on some of his recent nights at the Wild Cat Lounge here in Santa Barbara and the official bar of Lisanti Land.  Enjoy.

For any regular reader of this blog, you are familiar with Chris’ favorite haunt and if you have visited Lisanti Land the Santa Barbara Chapter, you have probably been to the Wild Cat. The first time I came here I had the opportunity to have such experience. I barely remember walking in the door. Reliable sources have told me I walked up to two girls and told them I wanted to lose my virginity to both of them in a threesome.  Some how that was not met with a slap instead it received laughter. Long story short I ran away that night and almost made it home but over shot it by about a half mile away from the Lisanti Palace(For more on Kooky’s first visit to SB read Kooky Kyle’s Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour and Kooky Kyle Speaks Out).

 With the beginning of our relationship starting in such a manner you can only imagine the insanity that the place has about it. It is so much better than that stupid hipster bar we went to in San Fran, seriously only, “only obscure” late 50’s early 60’s R&B? Fucking hipsters. Wild Cat is the unofficial hook up bar and the unofficial gay bar of Santa Barbara. With that being the case, I have been approached a few times by some people I would never want any sort of sexual encounter with.
The Swingers
 About a week ago Chris, his boy Ryan and I were out on a lurk at the Kitty. I went ahead of them to get a space at the bar to order more drinks. As I am standing waiting for a space to open up this older guy, whom I would guess was in his mid to late forties came up to me from one of the little tables by the bar. He was tall and a little overweight. I figured he was getting in line to get a drink too.
“She is a real looker isn’t she?” He said gesturing to a similarly aged fat woman with short blonde hair seated at his table. This woman was gross. She was clearly tipsy and was in jovial spirits. “She looks like a real keeper.” I said. I figured that it was either his wife or girlfriend and I didn’t want to insult her.
“She thinks you are pretty cute.” Well that was weird. I’ll take a compliment like that any time but this was starting to get a little bit on the strange side.  “Thanks, I like to think so” I replied.  “Do you want to come back to our place?” he asked. WHOA WHAT THE SHIT! Did that really just happen? I was shocked; I barely could put a reply together.
“Uh, baaaa, huuh no?” I answered and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

Gay Night
Sunday is Chris’ Friday so what do you do at the start of your weekend? You go out of course. Sunday also just so happens to be Gay Night at the Wild Cat. You may question the logic of why two straight men would go to gay night. Well, if there are any girls there at all,  they are either trying just to dance or they are looking for a one night stand. Also straight guys tend to stay away. Chris’ old boss, Steve, was in town and we all went out.

Chris has been a fixture at this bar for a while so the gay guys know he is straight and not to try with him. Me being a fresh face though, no such luck. I had been getting looks all night, but had yet to be approached. Chris was off somewhere leaving me on my way with Steve to grab a drink from the bar.  As we were crossing the dance floor a gay guy with a bi-chromatic fohawk appeared in front of me blocking my way. I was instantly eye raped. Feeling a little awkward he then tried to slip a hand down my pants. WHAT THE HELL!! I thought.
As I sit here writing this I am trying to justify why it happened? Was I being a cock tease? My handsome self at gay night, that is like dressing like a slut and going to a Guido bar and not expecting to get groped. Whatever, I still didn’t welcome the advance. I quickly stepped back and pulled his hand away from my dick. “I’m not gay, man, sorry.” I steadily got away from him. But the ordeal was not over for the night.
Towards the end of the night we worked our way over to the dance floor and were tearing it up. There was this gnarly cougar dancing with three gay guys thinking she was the hottest thing out there.  She was straight gnarly. Twenty-five years ago she was probably smoking hot, but the years of partying had clearly taken a toll on her.  One of the gay guys saw something that was actually of his preferred gender (me), came over and unbuttoned one of my shirt buttons. “I’m sorry, I just had to do that.” He stood there expecting some sort of reciprocation from me. He only received a look of utter dismay and mild disgust.
Now about a month into my stay I am pretty much one of the regulars at The Kitty. Chris has the bartenders in his pocket and while we normally stagger away from there our tab is rarely over twenty bucks. Who knows what the future holds for me at the Wild Cat, hopefully I have dodged enough gnarly swingers and overly forward gay men and some gorgeous women will start falling into my lap.
Kooky Kyle

Post press: Last night Kooky and I hit the Wild Cat with a vengeance.  What was suppose to be a fun night with a mellow buzz became a “lets get fucking shit faced” night.  Bottom line by the end of the night we were fucking wasted.  Kooky Blacked out most of the night.  What ensued was him terribly hitting on girls, stealing the hat off the head of a Bacardi Promo Girl then proceeding to dance like Micheal Jackson wearing it.  The night ended with us nearly going home with three gay guys that luckily my good sense at the last minute saved us.  Good times. 

What Kooky has yet to score at the Wild Cat, a cracked out wild chick.

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This week makes a victor out of Kooky Kyle who proposed I write about my favorite Nick the Kook moment.  Now the problem with this is there are virtually hundreds of them and all are pretty classic.  Too torn between which was my favorite (heck it could be its own monthly segment here) I decided I would just write about the shit show he was last night at the bar.  I would not call it “the best of Nick the Kook” but I got a kick out of it nonetheless.  Nick gets a half point since this blog is a bit at his expense, not that I care, but I like Nick and feel he deserves something for the inspiration.


Before I begin let me spend a few lines to introduce Nick the Kook because he has always been a popular character in this blog but since the move to surfingruinedmylife.net besides winning a few UCBs and the oddball comment he has yet to star in an actual blog.  He is going to make his way out to Santa Barbara for a ten day span starting Jan 5th so Im sure you will hear a lot more of him.


I first met Nick about 7 years ago when he was like 13 or something.  I had happened to paddle out at Brown Ave in Spring Lake (currently The Pipe) at the time I exclusively surfed Manasquan and Sea Girt very rarely making to Spring Lake and especially Brown Ave where a year prior a meat head surfer kicked my ass on the beach for back paddling him.  Just so my California readers know in a New Jersey line up altercations will most times go to the beach.  That is an entire different blog or sets of blogs altogether.


I happened to paddle out at Brown Ave to surf this shitty left all by myself.  I was out for no longer then twenty minutes when this scrawny kid showed up out of nowhere on a long board was super pumped.  We got to talking and he was interested in my travel and contests.  I guess he loosely knew me by reputation.  After that I did not see him again for over a year.


I took a job managing a small upcoming surf shop in Spring Lake and Nick was part of this cult following of groms who hung out there, most of whom I today have come to call my closest of friends.  Nick is one of those special people in life who are not afraid to throw caution to the wind with very little fore thought, basically my kind of man.  Whether it is getting staples in his head while pulling into double up close outs, lacerating his foot slipping on sea weed or loosing his teeth in a freak drunken piggy back ride accident you can always be sure if some great mishap of pure stupidity occurs Nick the Kook will be at the root of it.


As some of you know I made a long awaited trip back to NJ for the holiday to see my family I have not been in New Jersey for two years and with my family for Christmas in four.  After spending the entire day being intoxicated while visiting my family Nick made me an offer to cruise to the bar with him and spend my evening being intoxicated with friends.  Who would I be to turn down a night out at the bar?


I get there and Nick, Mauriello, Beesley and Bojangles among many others were enjoying a beer.  I soon joined in.  We are all shooting the shit when Nick proclaims that he does not drink heavy anymore while at the same time ordering his third beer.  Keep in mind that Nick was my ride home and let me stress the word “was”.  After that Nick cruised around the bar and I lost track of him for about an hour, most of which time I spent in an attempt to order drinks from the world’s slowest bar tenders.  I finally got my drinks and was making my rounds shaking hands of old friends and acquaintances when Nick turned up completely smashed.


John and I were astounded how he went from relatively sober to stone drunk in under an hour.  “Some people bought me shots” spoken incoherently was his answer.  I wish some people bought me shots I was way to sober for his shenanigans.   Then I spent the night pleasurably following Nick and his antics around the bar.  It was like a game of drunken “Where’s Waldo”, plus he was wearing this bright green shirt allowing him to stand out a little.


Every time I caught eye of the kid he was slouched over, mouth open and droopy eyed.  Then I observed him at the bar looking to get another drink.  My intention was to walk over stop him but then he offer to buy me a drink and my asshole inclinations took over thus I ended up with a beer.  As soon as the kid got his brew he was on the move once again and out of my sight.  Sometimes he popped up groping the occasional girl or sloppily hitting on another.


I had a ball watching the guy.  At one point I searched for him for twenty minutes only to have him pop up out of no where, say some incoherent thing to me and then walk out the door.  I never saw him again that night.  Good thing I always have a back up plan.  People used to always say that I should have my own reality show but I think one of Nick would be far more entertaining.

Nick the Kook in one of his finest moments spring 2010

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