Posts Tagged ‘Seinfeld’

I got home from surfing today and decided to check mail for a change.   I check the mail once a week at best and that is only so I can get my copy of New York Magazine.  Its kind of a real uppity magazine, but I like to read it and imagine what it would be like to have a bunch of money in NYC.  My Dad reads it and sent me a gift subscription, which I think was done with parsimonious intentions to make me miss home.  I must admit it brings a lot of nostalgia to me.

The box was bulging, which meant I most likely have not checked the mail since before I left for New Jersey.  The mail lady always gets pissed whenever this happens.  In response to my utter laziness she takes all my mail wraps it in a rubber band and angrily tosses it on my front door.   I opened the box and was showered with an explosion of mail.

Upon picking all of the mail up off the floor I  noticed a small package in my box addressed to me.  I didn’t order anything on my bread and water budget and was not expecting anything.  There was no return address on the thing.  My first thought was someone sent me a mail bomb, although it looked a bit small and felt too light to contain an explosive device.  My next thought was anthrax, someone sent me anthrax.  Then I thought a little harder about the whole thing and figured who am I that anyone would even care about killing me, let alone going through all the effort to do it via the United States Postal Service.  Unless the mail lady really was completely fed up with my shit.

I went inside and sorted through this mess of circulars, envelopes and Magazines.  While I am at it I think my dyke mail lady is stealing my Play Boy.  The nudity is trash.  I can watch way dirtier shit then that on the internet, but the articles are rather clever and entertaining.  I had trail subscriptions to five different magazines and the only one I found worth my time to read was my Play Boy.  I tossed the usual notices from creditors.  “Hey guys I miss the early morning wake up calls”.  Threw away all the circulars cause they were way out dated.

Then there was the package.  It did not look crazy or anything thus I decided to open it.  Inside was a book.  I am always delighted by a book, at least until I read it.  It so happens that I finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray last night.  There was no letter with the book or any identification of any kind.  The title: Tuesdays with Morrie.  I opened it and noticed some of the pages were folded.  Inside the cover it was inscribed “Yes, the folded pages are important”, signed A Friend.  I must say I am very excited to sink my teeth into it.  To my mystery benefactor let me thank you in advance for the gift.  Depending on the content my opinion may change.

That brings me to the reason I am writing in the first place.  I have been reading like crazy as of late and not been updating the book club at all.  Shame on me.  So here are the past three books I have recently read and our latest book.

Book XV: 1984, George Orwell, 1949, 297 pages

“War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength”.  This was a re-read for me.  I came across this copy a few months in a box of books I found while stumbling home from the Wild Cat one night.  I remember first reading it back in 8th grade and taking very little from it besides the “Big Brother” reference although not really understanding the meaning behind it.  I needed additional reading material for my trip to Portland at the end of this past August and decided I ought to re-read it.  The problem with reading some of these novels at a young age is one is not at the level of maturity or understanding to fully appreciate the meaning of the book.  Schools pick books for their curriculum based on vocabulary and readability.  I know in 8th grade I missed all of the themes behind 1984.  Also depending on what is happening in one’s life a novel may at times take on a completely different meaning and emotional response.  Here Orwell portrays a futuristic Utopian society based on strong class division, war, fear and power.  Not to mention an interesting and very disturbing profile of human behavior.  I will do a “Chris’ Notes” on this one at some point.  I definitely suggest giving 1984 a read.

Book XVIWays of Seeing, John Berger, 1972, 155 pages
This book was actually handed to me by my co-worker Meat Cat.  She is an artist and devote to art for the love of art.  Art does not pay the bills for most thus forcing her to work at Westmont.  She had been telling me about the text for some time and how most of the ideas proposed for viewing art can also be applied to life in general.  As an observer of life  and a lover of art, I felt compelled to give it a read.  English art critic and author John Berger certainly makes many interesting points about art and how it is looked upon in modern times.  His take on nudes and oil paintings is certainly enough to make the book worth a look, but then he makes some very good points on art and advertising as well.  It is a very dense read and I actually read a few of the chapters twice to get a better grasp on their message.

Book XVII: The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde, 1891, 349 pages

“The common hill-flowers wither, but they blossom again.  The laburnum will be as yellow next June as it is now.  In a month there will be purple stars on the clematis and year after year the green night of its leaves will hold it’s purple stars.  But we never get back our youth.” This was another re-read for me and actually is a novel I read often.  I believe this was about the fourth time I have picked it up.  The story of a young man who mistakenly makes a deal with the devil to stay young forever.  In this tale Wilde comments on the dangers of vanity, cynicism, arrogance, selfishness and conscience.  Sometimes when we get the thing we wished for most in life we find it to be more of a curse then a blessing.  I always pick this book up and read it when I feel I need to check myself and be brought back down to earth.  I must admit it had not helped with my current depressed state.

There you have it folks some new suggested reading for you all.  I am tearing through shit at the moment so expect new entries fairly regularly.  I guess Book XVIII is going to be  Tuesdays with Murray, by  Mitch Albom.  After all if someone decided to go to that much trouble to give me a book they think is a value for me to read then it must be put to the top of the list.  Happy reading.

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If you have not noticed the amount of blogs featured here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net have become a bit limited, sort of like a fine vintage of a great bottle of Bordeaux.  Ok its not really like that at all.  Things have been a bit busy and my mood and spirits shift up and down like a crazy carnival roller coaster.  “Better to have loved and lost then not loved at all” I find myself in a constant struggle whether to agree or disagree with such.  I know I need to handle my shit and I think things are getting better.  I had a tough go a few weeks ago thanks to a certain circumstance that I am not really ready to discuss here.

I need more time to stew on it, come to terms with the results a bit.  Check out the November Surflog, 11/19 for a little on what happened there.   All I will say is that I am still in a state of constant amazement of the world around me, but more so on the way things have panned out for me at the moment.  I guess it could be worse.  I could be a heroine addict  and then not only be unhappy but also slowly killing myself with a filthy drug addiction.  Believe me after being through two heroine addict roommates back to back in the last four months It makes me feel a bit better about being a drunk.  As they say in Casablanca:

Nazi Guy: Nationality?
Rick: Drunkard
French Inspector: That would make Monsieur Nick a citizen of the world.

I think a great number of people out there drink in excess, but are afraid to admit it to themselves.  The first step is always admittance after all.  Then the next step is deciding if it is a problem or not.  I am still in the midst of the second step.  One thing for sure I will never give up my vin.  What the fuck is all this random ranting about? Well I think it is time to fill everyone in on what has been going down in Lisanti Land the last few weeks.  I am going to try something new this time and I hope it is entertaining.

“And with Daren’s Help We got that Chicken”

Me and Penny, the coolest Chicken in the world!

 There was this episode of Seinfeld entitled “The Voice” and it ran in the 9th and final season of the show.  Kramer gets this business intern fraudulently from NYU and then loses him when the school realizes “Kramerica Industries was no more then a man, and an apartment that may or may not contain a chicken”. Kooky now following in my footsteps working as a stock boy at Mesa Produce, the same place I got my start here in SB (look at me now kids, still partying at the Wild Cat whooot! The more things change the more they stay the same.  I came out here to get over a woman, only to meet another and then have her leave me right back where I started) happened to come across the opportunity to get a free chicken.

How could I say no to that.  The plan was since the chicken was useless, too old to lay eggs I thought it would be a grand idea to use her in a Recipe D’Jour feature called how to make a Chicken from Scratch similiar to the  “How to make a Pumpkin Pie from Scratch” feature only a bit more deranged and disturbing.  Then again it has been a year since that blog was written and that is exactly what Lisanti Land has become these days.  I was all ready to take my meat cleaver to her head.  Then one morning after a tough night out I was sitting in my backyard in an attempt to find inner peace and wisdom within the confines of my serenity garden.  Who jumps into my lap but the Chicken.  I was petting her and she was clucking and all seemed alright.

I promised her she would not die by my hands.  Unfortunately chickens are really messy animals and shit all over the place.  You know that expression where people say this sucks worse then chicken shit.  Let me tell you that chicken shit sucks pretty bad.  I built this ghetto rigged coup out of some chicken wire I found in the trash a while back and some broken picture frame I found for Ade’s to use as an art project once upon a time.  It was rather makeshift but did the job.  Well about two days ago Penny found her way out of the pen and has not been heard from since.  Ryan and I think the Mexican gardener who always comes into my garden and fucks up my plants stole her.  Kooky thinks she got eaten by one of the many predatory creatures that would love to make a meal out of a poor defenseless chicken.  In my fantasy land I like to think that she now lives safely and happily with in the confines of the thickly vined in area behind my building eating bugs and living the high life, whatever that maybe for a chicken.

“But What if it works”

There are good ideas, there are bad ideas and then there are the ideas you have when you are walking home from the bar at 2am drunk as shit.  There we found ourselves Kooky and I about a block from The Kitty on Ortega street staring into a fifty inch projection television set.  “Its does not work” I said.  “But what if it does” Kooky replied.  Next thing I know I am carrying a giant TV across town at 2am.  It was not that heavy just awkward as hell to hold.  We had to make occasional pit stops but only in spots where we could put the thing down on a surface just high enough that the TV could be propped up with out any extra lifting.   We passed some black guy near the Castillo 7-11 and he said “I have seen some stupid ideas in my day but this just may take the cake”.

We passed a cop car, campus security and countless others.  No one stopped us, tried to rob us and we did not get arrested.  Only in California.  In New Jersey we would not have made it one block with that thing.  We made it three miles.  An hour later we got home exhausted only to find out the next morning that it did not work.  Awesome.  We decided to pay it forward and put it outside the building with a sign that read “Free it works :)”.  Don’t ever forget who the king of the assholes is.

Those are the faces of champions...or idiots...you make the call.


I needed a woman in my life. “I’m not all bad, but was just drawn that way”

Read the surflog. All my surfing escapades and everything in between winds up there these days.  I do up date it every day.  I did get a new J7 Surfboard. I went a little more robust in the tail this time around.  So far it is going really well for me, although I have only gotten three session on it and have yet to cut its teeth at Rincon.  Time will tell.  Kooky did some dank ass art work on it as well.  Jason is on it these days and you really cant go wrong with a surfboard from him.

School has been a pain in the ass as always.  In my baking class I managed to be the only one in my class to pull off a flawless dessert and bread.  Still I was only bestowed a 91 because as my professor put it I did not challenge myself with the dessert.  I made a chocolate almond biscotti.  Besides I had never baked a loaf of bread before and I missed both bread classes thus handicapping myself a bit rather then not challenging myself.  I wanted to do a dry run on the bread at home, but ended up drinking instead.  I went in cold, book in hand and winged it.  Somehow I managed to bake two bad ass loaves if Italian bread.  Now maybe it is my heritage or that the man in the sky decided to cut me a break for a change. Either way I was rather proud of my bread.

How do you like them apples...errr, bread?

In my pantry class It was a group final where we had to produce a grilled chicken salad, eggs Florentine,  Rice Pilaf and a  grilled sandwich.  I did all the cooking, all the knife cuts and the final plating yet somehow was hit with a 5 out of 10 for execution because I mixed my mirepoix together prior to cooking for the pilaf and he was pissed that I missed the last two classes in a row.  Fuck, I cook for a living and most of the class was rather rudimentary for me.  I failed work study cause I did not bother to hand in any of the work and catering cause I did not do any of the work .  Last semester I pulled a 4.0 this semester it is shaping out to be a bit lower then that.  Hey if your not going to be first you might as well be last eh? Here are some shitty quality pictures of the project I took on my cell phone.

The Rice Pilaf severed in a roasted eggplant bowl.

Grilled Chicken Salad molded into primary shapes

The Trifector

So there you have it in a nut shell what has been going down in The Land of Lisanti.  Hope you found a laugh or two from my gnarl.

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This week’s UCB makes a victor of Nick the Kook.  You know between Nick the Kook and Kooky Kyle it really begs one to reason what kinds of friends I keep, but since I bestowed those nick names on the two I guess it really points out what kind of asshole friend I am.  Anyway he said I ought to allow user submissions for the Groovin’ High section of this blog.  Well if everyone remembers back to the very beginning of surfingruinedmylife.net in August of 2010 (thats right only about six months ago), when I started Groovin’ High the whole point of it was for everyone to share different musical Ideas and tastes.

I said “feel free to post your own entries in the comments and what those songs mean to you, help me experience music I have never heard of” .  This is what I hoped would happen and in its early days I think about three people posted, Nick being one of them.  Everyday I get a stats report for SurfingRuinedMyLife.net and it gives me all sorts of helpful information about my blog and its readership, which pages are viewed, how many hits each page gets, overall hits, etc.  Well I noticed shortly after the first month of Groovin’ High that the page was not getting any hits at all, as of press time it has only received 118 hits since August 2010.

Now Im not bitching (ok maybe just a tad), just stating some facts. It is for this reason that now with my busier schedule Groovin’ High has sort of feel by the wayside.  Truthfully Im a little saddened by that.  SurfingRuinedMylife.net is a selfish monument to my own personal vanity.  That being said I have been accumulating more hits and readership daily.  For whatever reason be it amusement, mocking, entertainment, interest, pure cubicle boredom people like reading about my life.  Music is a major part of everyone’s life and the tunes they are jamming out to at a certain period of time can really reflect on their character and overall mood.  Right now I personally hate the direction hip/hop and R&B have taken and am listening to more old school stuff as one may have noticed from Groovin’ High.

Im not blaming anyone but myself for the failure of Groovin High.  I put it up as a side show and therefore updates to it are not recorded on the main home page.  A user actually has to click on the link to view the latest update.  To correct this problem I am from this blog foward going to turn the section into actual blogs and then post just the links on the Groovin’ high tab, similar to how Recipe D’Jour or The Coffee Table Saga is done.

Thanks to Nick the Kook I have been motivated to resuscitate this near dying segment I had considered pulling the plug with.  This will be the first entry of the newly revamped Groovin’ High segment.

September, Earth, Wind & Fire

This song is my personal jam.  Everyone has one I dont care who you are.  Even deaf people probably have something they rock out to even if is only as a result of felt vibrations for such music.   September is that song for me.  No matter where I am or what mood Im in when September comes on I cant help but breakdown into some completely retarded dance move.  Its a great song for sure but besides that just the title if you are a surfer on the east coast will make you happy.  September is a great month to be a surfer back east, warm water, light crowds and the bulk of hurricane swell action with the beginnings of Nor’Easter swell as well.

When this tune is played I never know what is going to happen from me breaking it down in the middle of the frozen food aisle in the supper market to getting kidnapped by some psycho bitch at the Wild Cat, anything is fair game.  One thing that will always remain constant when this song comes on is it will completely take over my soul for its duration.  It is very similiar to that Seinfeld episode, where Elaine’s boy friend would go into a trance every time the song Desperado would be played.  Thats a great episode and totally a must watch.

Here is a clip from the Seinfeld episode I referenced earlier.

Finally Nick the Kook made a Groovin’ High suggestion to go with this blog that helps reaffirm why I don’t deal in submissions except for in the comments section of a Groovin’ High blog.  Let me apologize for the abuse to your ears before hand.


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