Posts Tagged ‘UCB’

Spring has come and gone and with it another quarter of the UCB.  There were I believe three blogs written and two “Power of Ten’s”.  There should have been more, would’ve, Should’ve, Could’ve.  I don’t really give shit’ve.  I feel although the quantity on here has become sparse the quality has more then made up for it.  If you want quantity I do write in the surf log everyday and at times that is more interesting then what I write here.  There are still plenty of laughs, rants and insanity as we have grown so accustomed to.  You should all be happy for me that I am out living life instead of spending all my time writing about it.

Yeah you got me. I’m usually just too drunk the majority of the time to formulate a coherent sentence.  I should have Alfie start writing his own column, put him on the keys and let him go to town.  In all seriousness I have been pretty busy with my new job, surfing, music, my garden, cooking and adventuring.  Shoot that last San Francisco Blog I wrote a few days ago was like 20,000 words or something obnoxious like that.  If that is not effort I don’t know what is.  Once again it was a rather lame UCB quarter with only three real participants.  Shame on all of you who don’t participate.  If I got more suggestions I may write more.

Here are the winner stats for Spring:

Kooky Kyle takes the cake once again winning his second quarter of the year.  Its true I am going send him a cake in the mail.  Its most likely going to be melted when he gets it since it is an ice cream cake and I am sending it US standard ground. Congratulations Kooky your working on your next self expense paid trip to the Lisanti Palace!! Oh yeah and enjoy your melted cake courtesy of Rob Machado in Loose Change (extra UCB point if you explain what I am referring to.  Put your answer in the comments).

1st Place: Kooky Kyle – 5.5pts
2nd Place tie:  DanaRepublic – 3pts
2nd Place tie: Mauriello – 3pts


Yep I’m an idiot…WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT! So get those “Power of Ten” lists in for July and your UCB submissions as well.  Whhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooot!

Got a problem with the UCB. Make a giant cardboard sign and go hang out with these guys. If you do it and take a picture and send it to me. I will give you five UCB points. You must have a two people each one holding the above signs and then yourself holding a sign that says “Chris Lisanti Ruined My Life”. Do It Now!

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Hey you guys! The numbers are in!

May 1st officially closed the winter quarter and maybe the weakest one both on my part and on yours.  I had a real lack of interest here folks.  Besides Mauriello and Kooky no one even bothered to submit anything.  Then people wonder why I was unmotivated on the UCB front this past quarter.  Whatever I forgive you.  Besides I was too busy getting drunk and fucking up anyhow.  But we are steadily approaching the start of the “Summer of Alf” which officially kicks off Wednesday May 16th.  That means more blogs that are going to be bigger, better and way more bad ass then ever.  There will be laughter, tears, jeers, rants, raves, yet mostly the usual gibberish we have come to love.

It was a two man race and despite the lack of quantity I must say the UCB’s that got written were of a very decent quality. To be honest that is one of the things I am striving for here as of late anyway, quality not quantity.  Here was how the quarter broke down.

John Mauriello takes the cake or the…”waterpik”?
“Your not giving away our waterpik”

1st Place: Mauriello – 4.5points
2nd Place: Kooky Kyle – 3points

Last Place: Everyone Else 😦

Its on for the spring quarter which will run till June 21st.  Its also an abbreviated one thanks to my winter blunder.  That is two power of ten lists and seven UCBs.  I will write the first UCB by the end of the week and that is worth 1.5points, the rest are worth 1point and the Power of tens are worth 2 points.  If you get suggesting then I will get writing.  My hope is to have one UCB a week.

Lets not have our laziness allow the UCB  to end up like this sloth here. “Wake up little friend, oh who killed my pet”

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This weeks first UCB makes a winner of Mauriello.  Wow first he snags yesterday’s extra point and now the UCB, not to mention the whopper of a power of ten he put up.  Ladies and gentlemen watch out this guy wants the win for the year.  Mauriello picked a topic very close to my heart and that is “what is the soundtrack of your life”.  This is a topic which has certainly been in my head for as long as I can remember.

First off I have very deep roots in music being a prodigy on the saxophone as an adolescent, studying jazz performance in college and ultimately working in the business on and off for the last fifteen years.  The Groovin’ High section is a perfect example of my love for music.  I mean look how much random bull shit I write about just one song.  It always amazes me when I meet someone who has no real interest in music or what they listen to.  It blows my mind.  In Lisanti Land I have music going nearly all the time.  From the moment I wake up till I go to sleep I have some form of tuneage playing be it on my ipod or radio.

I used never turn my stereo off when I lived in Boston.  Back then I had a five disc changer and just had it on constant repeat all day whether I was home or not.  This way when I got home there was music on.  I even went to sleep with music on.  There is something about having grooves all around me all the time that just seems right.  As a matter of fact the only time I don’t want music is when I surf.  That is my spiritual time, please pardon the cliche.  In the water I am completely at peace or at least focused beyond the need for any distraction.

Why do I always have music playing you ask.  Mainly it is that I need something to allow my brain to slow down and focus on just one task.  If I do not have music playing my mind wonders all over the place with tons of different thoughts.  If there are tunes on then that captures half my mind leaving the other to stay on task.  It does not matter what type of music although I do prefer jazz, hip/hop, r&b and soul.  I will take any style of music over none at all.

The soundtrack of my life.  Well that is a tough one.  When I am just chilling at  the end of the night some Bill Evans or mellow Miles always relaxes me.  These days I have found quite the solace in sad love songs.  Corinne Bailey Rae, Nora Jones, Ashanti, Diana Krall, Billy Holiday all have a few tunes that have gotten me through the sad times these days. Now I finally have an appreciation of such.  Up until my own heart break I never really understood their meaning cause I do not believe I ever really had a heart.

Mostly my ipod is the sound track of my life.  I have nearly 4,000 songs on there and each one has its own special meaning to me.  Since it is always on shuffle it has become my life sound track.  I have it going right now as I write these lines, Dave Brubeck “So What’s New”.  What will come next I do not know,but one thing is for sure there will always be music.


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This week makes a winner of Kooky Kyle in the UCB with his topic “Going Hard”.  Ok, I sort of fed him this topic, but that is one of the few benefits of living in Lisanti Land and being a member of the court.  Kooky is also living involuntarily stuck in the going hard philosophy that has with out a doubt ran my life since as long as I can remember.  Lisanti Land can be exhausting.  My old boss and good friend Steve chilled here for six weeks this summer and still refers to his time at the the Palace as “Lisanti Boot Camp”.

What the fuck am I talking about you ask?  There is this famous saying “I will sleep when I’m dead”.  I am whole heartily a believer of such.   I hate wasting time.  Life is short.  We never know when that last bell is going to toll.  I still cannot believe I have lived to be this old.  I and most who know me had me pegged to be dead by 25, that came and went and now at thirty I am still going strong and for the most part pushing the envelope harder then I ever have.

Originally for me “going hard” was a term I used to describe my party capabilities.  I would show up at your party or my own, down a fifth of rum and get absolutely wild. The jury was always out on whether or not that was a good thing or not. Poor Kooky has I think experienced more black outs in the last few months living with me then in his entire life.  That is because when we go out we go hard.  The drinks flow all night long, we rock the dance floor, dress fabulous and ultimately leave a somewhat lasting impression, even if it is “I can’t believe they are still letting those two idiots in here”.

Enough about my alcoholism and incessant party.   My life is rather cyclical.  I have been going around in a circle for so long now I lost my bearings and never really know if I have moved backward or forward.   For the most part it works like this and in a way this almost covers a single power of ten topic from Nick the Kook.  I start off wild and out of control and I thrive in that insanity for a while.  Overall it holds me back from accomplishing anything substantial.  I take a few steps in one direction then a few back, so on and so forth.  At times I even accomplish some rather amazing shit, but for whatever reason when push comes to shove and things begin to take off for me I go and blow it.

Then I meet a woman, fall in love with her, give her my all for a while thus the go hard philosophy.  Things go well for a while till the wild Chris starts getting restless and blows it.  Left to his own devices unchecked wild Chris ends up wreaking havoc on both himself and his surroundings.  Then I meet another woman and things just keep repeating.  So I would hope everyone should understand what part of the cycle I am in now.  Wild Chris is back, except he is not so wild anymore, but more just completely devoid of any semblance of reality.     The end goal is to go hard at ending this relentless cycle of pain and self destruction.

Enough about my insanity.  I am sorry for getting into that right now in the middle of explaining what going hard is all about. Listen up cause this is really the only thing I want you to take from this blog.  Whatever I have done in life I gave it my all.  I did not half ass anything.  When I wanted to make a go of things in Music everyone told me I was wasting my time and energy.  Big people in the business told me I was not good enough.  I did not listen.  I went home and practiced every day.  When every one of my top schools rejected me on the basis that I was “too commercial and a loose cannon” I found one that was happy to have me.

That is just one example.  At my current work place the first few months were hell.  Everyone came down super hard on me.  My boss kept telling me I was not going to make the cut.  I put my head down and I worked as hard as I could to learn everything I could from anyone willing to give me a chance.  When I was demoted I wanted to quit but stuck it out no matter how embarrassing.  Now I am back to being a full blown dinner cook and for the most part proving my worth every single day, minus the fact that my Mexican rice still needs help, but even that has gotten better.  WTF I am Italian after all.  Now I am in school to hopefully one day become a chef of some caliber.

Going hard is about being a fighter.  Life is going to kick the fucking shit out of you. That is just the reality of things.  Its not easy out there and if it is then you are doing something wrong.  We should always be challenged.  One of my biggest gripes of our society today is the fact that people get too comfortable in their ways and forget what it means to actually live.  Right now for me just living is a challenge.  Everyday I debate if I should get out of bed.  Despite my mood I get myself up, comb my hair, get myself presentable and “Keep on Keeping On” (want some motivation, read it).  That is all I can ask of myself for the moment.

People tell me I am blowing it, and that I never really cared for Adrienne all that much.  Fuck those people, they don’t how I feel or understand.  All the same I am blowing it.  Yeah my heart is broken, so fucking what.  My mother tried to tell me the other day that no one dies from a broken heart.  I think it is the subsequent pain that kills.  I just found out a friend of mine died over the weekend from drinking too much and his alcoholism came directly from heart ache over a woman.

That is not going to be me.  I will get through this.  I do believe things happen for a reason.  There is only a few weeks left of this putrid year.  2011 was by far the worst and hardest year of my life.  I definitely fell apart and let the cycle continue.  2012 is going to be different.  I am going to put my efforts back into my schooling, back into my work, my reading, my writing, my surfing and my character.  If I can attest anything to this miserable time in my life is that I will never go back to being the vile human trash I once was.  In 2012 I am going to go hard at pulling my life back together.

Alright this has gotten all over the place.  If you go out and give your all to whatever it is you are doing than whether you fail or succeed at least you know you did the best you possibly could.  If you do that then you will have no regrets and die complete.  I still do not have any regrets for anything I have done, even in a time where I have been nothing but introspective.  Be honest with yourself and others and do not let anyone ever tell you no.  Only you can tell yourself no and I hope you never do.  That my friends is what going hard is all about.

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This weeks UCB makes a victor of my boy Scotty B.  You have to watch out for those sleeping giants and back in the Myspace days Bees ran the show in the UCB franchise.  It seems we have a new challenger to the Kooky Kyle dynasty.  I thought for sure it was going to be a two way race between Kook and Kooky, but now a new contender has stepped up.  I must say I am rather amused by the whole UCB process, too much probably.

A New Proclamation

 Before I get into Scott’s topic I quickly wanted to make another UCB announcement.  This one is sort of a counter action to last weeks rule of 5: One can only make 5 UCB suggestions in a 7 day period (See the first two paragraphs of Pitching a Tent blog for a better explanation of the new rule).  Last week I wrote a really fun bonus UCB entitled You’re a Fucking Idiot, But So Am I in which I took ten one word topics from Nick the Kook and wrote ten short responses to them.

I did this sarcastically because I was angry about all the serial suggesting going on. It turns I wrote one of the better blogs and definitely one of the more amusing in a while.  As I result I am making a new blog rule: Once a month I will write a special double points UCB where I will take ten one word suggestions made by one reader and write ten short answers.  Everyone can submit one set of top ten topics a month and I will write about my favorite ten.  Read the above linked blog to fully understand.  I think it will be a ton of fun for all of us.

Now let us get back to Scott’s blog.  He proposed I write about my thoughts on surf forecasting.  I am almost sure I have touched on this subject more then once here, but redundancy is what makes America awesome!

The Double Edged Sword

 I love the advances in modern day surf forecasting.  As a premium member of surfline.com I can get a very accurate three day, an accurate five day, reliable seven day and a 14 day speculation.  For a surf addict like myself, I must admit I have become quite the frother again; it makes attempting to live in the non-surfing world a tad bit easier.  That being said my life is still planned out by the five day forecast and I still find that I’m reluctant to make any long range plans for fear of missing it, although I have gotten a lot better as far as blowing things and people off to surf.  But this is not about my onerous surf habit.

Thanks to the accuracy of forecasting today you can plan trips on the fly and know you are most likely not to be skunked.  I remember a few years back Sean McGrath and I pulled the trigger on a trip down to Puerto Rico after getting a favorable long range forecast and we scored some of the best Wilderness and Table Tops I have ever seen down there.  We did not quite get it as good as we were hoping, but it was a ton better then the times I just blindly went.

Of course there is the inaccuracy as well.  There are so many factors that effect quality to surf that I am amazed at how often they get it right.  I mean wind, tide, global currents, water temperature, air temperature, frontal systems, El Nino, La Nina, all these factors mess with a swell realizing its full potential at a certain location and on the other hand allow for other less likely swell events to pleasantly surprise.  That is what has always made surfing the true oxymoron both frustrating as hell and extraordinary.

Sure when Surfline.com is claiming for Tuesday to be the day of days and I clear my entire calendar out on that day and its two foot and onshore, I am more then disappointed.  Usually I am on the dunes at Ventura harbor kicking sand or at Rincon throwing rocks spouting more then a few displeasing to the ear four letter words.

Then there are those times when the opposite happens and I had expected very little, show up and score it.  Two weeks ago actually there was some local NW wind swell and west groundswell combo.  Surfline.com was calling flat for Rincon all weekend, as would be expected for the time of year.  As it turned out the place broke in the very legit chest to head range for three days (see the surflog for more details on that).  There was nobody there but the hardcore crew of people who check the place everyday no matter what.  This leads to the next and final topic.

The Fucking Hype!!!

 Remember a paragraph ago or so when I was talking about that epic Tuesday that I cleared my calendar out for.  Guess what?  I’m not the only person to have that idea.  The Internet is a highly traveled place and there are hundreds if not thousands of sites dedicated to letting everyone know when the surf is firing and where it will be on.  That being the case on that faithful Tuesday when I show up at the crack of dawn (ok, more like after 8ish.  I live in Santa Barbara and have to drive 45 minutes to surf on most occasions) I am not by myself, not even a little.

There will be a guaranteed grip of people looking to get their surf on.  It will be a grand melting pot of the surfing spectrum, the hard core, the pros, the kooks, the valley guys, the weekend warriors taking a day off for a change, photogs and everything in between.  We will all be out there enjoying the same blown out two foot surf.  Then on Wednesday when it was suppose to be down, the surf is sure to be six foot, offshore and barreling.  God bless the great advances in modern surf forecasting.

Forecast or not, the potential to score is out there. The question is what length are you willing to go to find it?

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Back in 2001 the ASP world tour went down to a shortened season as a result of the horrible attacks of September 11th.  As a result two very important world tour events were canceled and CJ Hobgood took the world title.  Unfortunately for him although having the accolade of claiming a world title his name and accomplishment will always carry a little asterisk next to it indicated that it was not a full year and therefore maybe in the minds of some not a true victory.   I say fuck that CJ is the man and deserved that title no matter.

Usually (for those of you unfamiliar with the UCB) the spring quarter runs from April 1st to June 21nd.  This quarter being I completely dropped the ball, shit I only posted 11 blogs in all of June  (thank you for completely taking over my life FRS) I decided to extend it till July 1st and I made the first blog of the quarter worth double points.  Like I said before and I think if you have been a follower here you know how hard the spring quarter has been for me (if your lost read through the April and May archives).  Im not really going to compare it to a catastrophe like 9-11 was, even though I sort of  did.  But all things considered one could reason 2011 has been a bit crazy and somewhat tragic.

Then again back in January I was thinking how boring Lisanti Land had gotten and started feeling I was becoming a drone like the majority of the population.  Luckily for me that did not happen and I have been granted a “do over” in my life.  I have had three already and each time my life has gotten so much better because of it.  A person really close to me told me they were settling and it was killing her.  Maybe I was just settling too, because I just turned 30 this year, I dont really know.  All I do know is that the 5 year plan, and ten year plan are out the window in exchange for no plan at all.  That is how things used to work in Lisanti Land and life was just fine.  I do have a three year and a long term plan, but those are to be discussed in a later blog (don’t forget the novel is coming along very nicely and I am sure it could be a great work of literature).

Enough about me (damn Chris Lisanti is a narcissistic asshole.  Of course I am that is why I have a blog in the first place!).  Lets get down to our Spring UCB Quarter Winners Circle.  The king for the quarter till dethroned is a first timer, Nick the Kook.  Everyone who reads here regularly knows all about the antics of Nick the Kook and I do believe he is with out a doubt one of the most fun surfingruinedmylife.net personalities.  He takes the cake this quarter even if it will always carry the dreaded asterisk.  Kook at least you and CJ Hobgood can have something in common.  By the way, in case you did not already notice Nick the Kook has his own blog now StayWet.net feel free to check it out.  He promises you wont lose you teeth.  As far as he is concerned on the other hand he never knows how he made out the night before till he smiles in the mirror and gets a count of his pearly whites.

Winners Circle:

Nick the Kook: 4 points*
John Mauriello: 3 points
Kooky Kyle: 1 point

Thank you all for playing, and if did not submit any entries then all I have to say is that your blowing it.  Remember 1st prize is a self expense paid trip to Lisanti Land, which includes but is not limited to at least one crazy night at the Wild Cat.  Now who does not want that? Look how well Kooky made out with his first prize just back in march: Kooky Kyle Speaks Out.  Truth be told win or lose everyone has the opportunity to come hang out in Lisanti Land all they need do is ask.   Thanks again everyone for participating and the rest of you for reading and supporting my crazy whimsical fantasy land to which I reside.

Spring was tough for me, but I promise you the worst is over.  The rest of the summer we will have nothing but good times here at Surfingruinedmylife.net. Ok, Im sure there will be some crying, anger and ranting in there too.  According to my statistics it seems you folks like it when I am dealing with adversity more anyhow.

CJ Hoobgood, one of the best backhands in the business.

Your UCB King of the Quarter ladies and gentlemen.

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I will tell you, Kooky Kyle, who apparently stormed another quarter of the UCB taking I believe every single one the entire 2010 year.  Kooky has dominated.  Well one thing can be said for sure the kid is good at coming up with blog topics.  Maybe he should start his own blog.  I would like to say that there is some sort of prize for this great accomplishment (ok its probably on par with taking a big shit), but there is not, except for the pure satisfaction of winning, which my friends there is no sweeter prize on earth (bull shit I want Money!!!!).

Congratulations Kooky Kyle for being awesome on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  I would also like to thank everyone that submitted entries. With out your input this blog would not be nearly as much fun.  Right now its a barrel of laughs with just me writing, but when you add the UCB feed back it becomes a barrel of laughs tossed in with a barrel of monkeys and that my friends is a mother fucking boss ass good time.  Wow that last sentence was boat load of gibberish.

Here is the break down of points for the Fall 2010 Quarter:

1st: Kooky Kyle – 8 points
2nd: Nick The Kook – 3.5 points
3rd: John Mauriello – 3 points
4th: Devin – 2 points

Salutations to all who’s names got on the board.  Those of you who did not thanks for playing anyway.  Remember you cant win if you dont play.  If your unclear about what the UCB is or how points are accumulated feel free to check it out by clicking the UCB tab at the top right hand corner of the screen or click here.  No submissions are turned away, no matter how small, dumb or serious.  There are no small submissions only small submitters.

Here is a perfect example of what happens when you cross a barrel of monkeys with a barrel of laughs.

The big winner, Kooky Kyle himself having his own barrel of fun all to himself. Maybe whatever is in that bucket he is drinking from is the magic potion for coming up with great UCB topics?

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