Posts Tagged ‘Random Acts of Violence’

This week’s UCB is taken by Brennan with the topic “What is your worst character flaw?”  Well like his, I would love it to be that “I was everyone’s unrealized dream”, but unfortunately I am more like most peoples unrealized nightmare.  Enough on that, we are not here to explore that aspect of who I am.  That can be saved for some other blog some other time.

My biggest character flaw, well actually there are two and I will cover both here.  Lets start with the most obvious, MY ANGER!!!!!!! Face the facts I am an angry person, very angry, borderline sociopath.  How I have made it this far not being institutionalized be it prison or asylum is beyond me.  I think my high level of intelligence is the only thing that has kept form spending the bulk of my days behind a wall of glass.

In all seriousness I have an anger problem.   Everyone who has spent more then 24 hours with me can attest to that.  Sometimes all it takes is twenty minutes depending on the situation.  There is an “anger” category to the right of this blog for surfingruinedmylife.net.  If you click on the link I think there are easily over a dozen blogs there on everything from getting into a street fight to ranting about using apostrophes.

I don’t really know why I am so angry.  I had a very privileged life.  My parents loved me and provided for me.  I had a few childhood pets.  Its not like I was some gangster from the hood who was constantly getting kicked back into the gutter.  All I can blame it on is years of malicious ridicule from imbeciles because I was and still am different from them and see things differently.

Im not just one of those angry people who bottle it all up inside eventually either having a breakdown or climbing up on the roof of their house with an AK-47 and taking out the neighbors.  I am one of those people who act out on every initial angry impulse I have.  I threw a desk at my 8th grade math teacher because he made a joke in class at my expense.  I can flare up rather easily.  Brennan the bearer of this internet literary feast (or lack there of) you are reading can attest to that.

It is true that in my old age I have calmed down tons.  When I was in my late teens early twenties I would chase down some one on the road and try to fight them for beeping their car horn at me, even if I was in the wrong.  Keep in mind at 5’9 and 150lbs soaking wet get my ass kicked in a fight situation more times then not.  Sure there are still moments of ridiculous road rage for proof on that read about the Caesar Chavez Incident in the blog “Flying off the Handle”.  There are plenty of surf line up altercations, but in my defense I rarely lash out first unless the other surfer is being a real bone head.  Shit, if a person is being a total jackass it is our responsibility as good citizens of the earth to put them down, vigilantly style especially where surfing is concerned.

I have been making the greatest efforts possible to control my anger and it is probably down to only about four to six outrageous blowups of rage a month.  I used have that amount happen in one day.  My goal is to one day only have that many disruptions a year (maybe before I die?  Then again with out my fits of rage this blog would be a bore. Damn catch 22).  My other Character flaw is that I live in a fantasy world, but then again that could also be my greatest character trait depending on whom you talk to. That being the case Im not about to get into it here.  Since Im still an angry person be sure to not be on the receiving end to my stick because if your smaller then me, like maybe a midget or a sickly child I will fuck you up!

Im so mad I cant even open my right eye.

The future accommodations to be provided for me courtesy of a fit of rage taken too far.

I dont know what this fucking thing is but I will wipe that stupid smile right off of its face.

Fuck you Gary Coleman I will kick your little ass.

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Ridiculously moronic acts of localism in California and my adverse experiences with it has been a reoccuring theme here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  It seems every time we have a fresh instance the ante always gets taken up a notch.  Well today my friends I witnessed at the expense of Nick the Kook one of the most asinine acts of localism ever.  It all went down during a shitty, crowded, closed out sunset session at Pitas Point.

Forecasted  swells out here are always a shit show, the situation becomes even more exacerbated when they fall on a weekend and during a wave starved winter.  All of these entities came into play on this fateful day.  After a great morning session at Rincon (see surf log for more on that) we came back to town and chilled out for a little bit, enjoyed a splendid lunch at the Habit (the best mother fucking burger joint in the world), had an audience with renowned shaper Jason Feist of J7 surfboards, and closed my bank account at the worlds biggest collection of economical rapists Chase Bank.  Things were shaping out to be a remarkable day.

Then it all went so bad so fast.  Expecting a shitty crowd everywhere we headed out with very low expectations.  Rincon had over 200 people, Little Rincon was packed, Hobsons was crowded.  Pitas had a good crowd but over looking around we resolved on giving it a paddle.  Originally I was all for taking a nap in the car while Nick surfed, but then I saw some nuggy looking walls racing through the lower section of the point.

We get out there and with in the first ten minutes of the session I look back and I see Nick paddling for a stretched out one.  I knew he wasnt going to get far but let him play it out.  I guess this old guy in his late sixties, total geriatric was paddling for the same wave but a little farther down the ling.  Nick as he was about to stand up for the wave got sandwiched between his board and the old guy’s.  Before Kook got a chance to get free (all the while the wave peels by unridden) the old guy wound up and cracked Nick the Kook in the back of the head with an opened palmed Hay Maker!! A mother fucking open palmed hay maker!!!!! Who does that kind of aquamarine assault?

I will tell who: Old salty guys who are no longer able to keep up with the pack as a result of their withered body and take their frustration out upon others they feel to be weaker then them.  All I see is nick rubbing his head completely dumbfounded while the old guy is yelling at him.  “You must be from down South trying to pull a bullshit move like that.  Your from LA are’net you? Well Im from here”.  Nick completely confused and slightly maimed mumbled an apology and paddled over to me.

Initially I wanted to go get the guy and smash his face with a cobble stone, but then not being a person of value at Pitas and him knowing most of the other geriatrics out there we would have been ran out of the water and then embarrassingly had our asses kicked by a bunch of guys who were most likely sporting false teeth and Viagra.   Needless to say we let it go.  Poor Nick ended up with a ruined session and a nasty dent in the top of his head.  I felt bad for him but in another light found it to be one of the funner Nick the Kook and Chris Lisanti Misadventures to go down.

Below is a dramatized photo re-enactment of what went down:
(The part of the old man is played by Chris Lisanti, Nick as himself)

"Go back to LA Kook!"

"Go back to LA Kook!"


"Why would you do such a thing"

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