First off let me apologize to everyone for the lack of writing this month. In my defense things have been a bit crazy with the play opening, my New Jersey/New York trip/performance, breaking in a new roommate and some other incidents in my personal life I have yet to address here. All I can say is I have been busy for me. This weeks UCB makes a winner of my boy Kiefer, whom I got good and shitty with Saturday night. He asked, “What is the most awkward situation I can remember being in”.
Awkward situations! Awkward situations? My whole life is a series of awkward situations usually brought on by bad decisions. I never have been a very good decision maker after all. As everyone knows when faced with a logical option I in most cases will choose the illogical. The propagation being I always want to see, as I like to put it “what could happen”. Thus is why we have so many entertaining stories and moments in Lisanti Land.
Believe me this system works both positive and negative. Back to awkwardness, I find just about every social situation I enter into to be an awkward situation. It sounds absurd right? Its true, my coping mechanism used to be to avoid them like the plague. Then one day a few years back I realized I was letting life pass me by and decided to step up, dig down deep, find some self-confidence and grab the world by my hands.
I find my worst moments of awkwardness always seem to revolve around women I care about, particularly when I make a frail attempt at actualizing my innermost feelings. During the end days of Adrienne there were plenty of awkward moments including when I found out she was cheating on me. When I showed up and met the guy she was cheating with to see what I was losing out too. When I decided to try and win her back while she clearly had already made up her mind. There is nothing more awkward then watching the person you love walk past you, smile, say goodbye and then go off to be with another.
Truthfully I don’t really care to dawn on that moment of my life anymore. Looking back I know it was silly to let another bring me to my knees. Now my life is amazing and I am happier then I have ever been. They have that expression “God closes a door and opens a window. In my case he torn down a wall and I could not be more grateful.
Kiefer asked for a story of awkwardness and thus far I have just talked out of my ass. I am going to tell about the first kiss between Sindia (my ex-wife for my new readers who have not been following since ’06, yeah this shit has been running for over five years now!!) and I. Nostalgia is great and I think it may have been the most awkward I have ever felt in my entire life.
I had been hanging out with Sindia for about two months with the predisposed hope of us dating. We were both really backward in the department of romance. Myself I was still carrying a chip on my shoulder from the atrocities performed towards me thanks to my very first girlfriend and her because she had never really been romantically involved with another. Strong feelings had grown between the two of us, but neither had brought them to contrition and things were getting very awkward as a result of the confusion.
Finally I had reached my breaking point and knew I just had to step up. We met my father down in Trenton, NJ to go see this jazz combo play. It was a fun show and a good time was had by all. We drove back to the shore and the whole drive both of us were completely silent. I was nervous the entire night and now full on in understanding that I had to tell her how I felt was a near basket case of nerves. My hands were shaking so much that I had to clutch the steering wheel with them both in a death grip.
Sindia and I got back to the beach where she had parked her car. I think we must have surfed before going to the show. We ended up having one of those lingering goodbyes where you basically say your leaving more then ten times but no one actually goes anywhere. Conversation had hit a complete impasse and the both of us were just gazing into each other’s eyes. It was a perfect moment for me to kiss here, that I stewed on for nearly 15 minutes.
In her frustration Sindia blurted out “so what is the deal between us anyway? Are we friends or more or what?” “DAMN, she beat me to the punch” I thought. By that point it was nearly 2am and there was surf. I mean the whole time we were sitting there we could see giant walls of white water in the darkness. My fight or flight instincts had taken over and flight was winning.
The larger half of me was pushing for me to jump back into my car, drive away and never call her again. My face was so red with embarrassment that I had blown the perfect moment I could have passed for a turnip. After about another very awkward five minutes I responded with some nearly inaudible dribble pertaining to the fact that I thought we should be more then friends, after which we hugged then had this terrible teeth knocking kiss. That was followed up by an almost proper kiss.
We both sort of looked at each other as soon as it was done with a bit of awe that we let things get to that point. Next morning we met up for a surf way later then we should have even though it was going off cause we kept each other up till 3am trying to express our feelings for one another. There you have it, the most awkward I have ever felt in my entire life.
On a side note for anyone wondering: Sindia now lives in Whales, UK and is I believe a world renowned Scientist in the field of chemical paleo-oceanography or something to those regards. I never quite got her actual field of specialization. We broke up on mutual terms I guess around four years ago. Our lives were just going in different directions. We still keep in touch and from what I can infer she is doing very well for herself in both life and love. I could not be any happier for her.
As for me well I don’t feel I need to fill you in considering I write about everything here on a daily basis. If your lost there are over 485 blogs on this website alone and thousands on the old myspace blog. Go nuts reading if you feel that inclined. All I will say is that I too am happy.
Now that is an Awkward situation....
Surfing Ruined My Life 