Posts Tagged ‘Little People’

This week Mauriello finds his way back on top with the UCB topic Midgets.  He further elaborates with have I ever touched a midget and would I like to.  If I had a son that was born a midget would I cut my losses and murder him?  Truth be told I was at first a little appalled by this topic finding it a bit inappropriate, a bit juvenile and overall stupid.

Then I remembered that all three of those entities are exactly what this blog thrives on.  If there are any little people out there or vertically challenged humanoids as the politically correct term for them, I do not mean to offend.  Its all in good fun.  Hate the game not the player.   Even though using the word midget is technically like using a certain “N” word when referring to people who came to America from Africa years ago, Im going to use it anyway for this blogs purposes.

First off let me just say that I find midgets to be extraordinary micro people of whose presence on this planet I find to be unrivaled by any.  I could sit around and watch them all day with their little arms and legs and their tiny clothes.  I think midgets should have their own little villages where only they can live but us big people could visit on occasion.  Sort of like an Indian reservation, but with out all the casinos and alcoholism although I guess if the wee men decided they wanted those things in their village it would be ok by me.

I would much rather it though if they set up a sort of shire type existence like in Lord of the Rings.  Those Hobbits were real fun loving people so why cant a village full midgets be the same way, but with out the hairy feet. That shit really nauseated me.  Hopefully they wont be as gay as Elijah Wood and that Sam guy were.  Fuck. I’m getting the hebbie jebbies just thinking about it.

Just Imagine getting to take a weekend getaway to midget town USA.  It would be like people who enjoy going out to Amish country to get away from it all and get great deals on hand made furniture.  I don’t really think midgets would be very good at making furniture due to obvious constraints in their physique but they could give hours of entertainment, especially if we make a law that says they have to dress up like great rolls played by movie midgets, such as the star wars characters, or Mini Me, or the Muppets (I know they were puppets but it would be great to go to a midget town where everyone was a Muppet).  That would be better then discounted furniture any day.

They could even have all midget sporting event leagues.  Imagine watching a midget football or hockey game, that would be classic.  As far as touching a midget, I have never had that pleasure, not sexually or just mutually like a handshake or hug.  I have never had the luck to meet a midget as an acquaintance.  Would I fuck a midget lady?  If she had all the goods I would do it.  They had this cute blond midget on an episode of Sienfeld once that I totally could have got down with.

As far as a midget child goes heck no I would not kill him. On the contrary I would have so much fun with that kid.  First off he would have to dress up in different costumes weekly.  Monday would be Ewok day, Friday Yoda day, Tuesday Froddo day, Wednesday he would just dress like a dog and crawl around on all fours.  The other days he could be whatever he wants but it would have to be some type of festive costume.  Also he would have to become skilled at juggling and other circus type tasks of entertainment so that I could have my own little carnival at home.  I could even loan him out to friends for parties and other fun events.  A world without midgets my friends would be a very sad place indeed.

This video clip from the movie “Being John Malckovich” pretty much gives you the idea of what Im talking about with a midget town

Who wouldnt want to have a beer with her?

Imagine a whole village of there guys!!!

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