Surfing Ruined My Life

Before I start this week’s UCB let me first address that fact that I missed last weeks UCB, but given that no one bothered to suggest any topics except for Kooky Kyle who sent me an illegible text message at like 11pm Pacific Standard time, god knows how late it was on the east coast I cant remember if the time difference is three, four or five hours nor do I care all that much either.  I decided that the UCB would not be all that missed by anyone besides myself, maybe I should post more porno links in my blogs I seemed to get a lot hits on that particular blog.  Two run-ons equal a fragment!  Aint my grammar grand?  Fuck the English Language I much rather prefer the scheme I am affectionately calling Lisantbonics.

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Anyhow to make up for my blatant disregard for any semblances of a structure to this blog I will offer a make up Triple points blog to be written on Saturday, so get those UCB requests in and remember you can also facebook me your UCB suggestions.  For more explanation of the UCB click here.

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Mauriello takes this week’s UCB with a topic he proposed a few weeks ago.  On his last week here in Santa Barbara John witness a classic moment of a crazy Lisanti fit of anger.  It is true I have been able to cut down on the feats of psychotic episodes, but with the lack of surf this summer and increasingly pressing other stressors on my head I must admit my fuse is a bit short these days.  John asked I write on that incident wondering why I did not mention it in any blogs after the whole thing went down.  My initial response was that incidents as such happen on a regular basis for me and most of the time I just don’t even take note of them.

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The Caesar Chavez incident….

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It all went down on a small little intersection in the industrial district of Santa Barbara at corner of Caesar Chavez St and Gutierrez St.  We were sitting in my car at a stop sign at this faithful intersection when this stupid ass Mexican truck driver attempts to make a left hand turn but failed to compensate for the length of his trailer.  His utter stupidity now had him blocking the intersection and subsequently blocking me in as well considering his truck now blocked all four directions of traffic.

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What he needed to do was back up about five feet or so, over turn the intersection thus swinging his trailer behind him instead of perpendicular where it sat at the present.  Instead this buffoon who most likely does not even possess a high school diploma expected me to back up my car about ten feet or so thus allowing him to complete his poorly laid out turn.  Sure I could have easily allowed for this to happen, but my trying patience for stupidity denied my benevolence. He was going to have to backup and atone for his ignorance learning how do his job all the better in the process.

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So I sat there and the obstinate fool did too, both of us intently staring at the other thus blocking the intersection for a solid three minutes and a handful of traffic light circulations.  Apparently everyone around who were getting rather uneasy about the newly formed gridlock seemed to think I should yield to this idiot and let everyone get on with their lives.  To me though it was a David and Goliath situation.  I was more then willing to fight the giant and his sympathetic entourage with just my little Saturn.  Shit I did not care if he took the entire front off my car in the process.

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John on the other hand was being a little bitch in the passenger seat pleading with me to given in, even trying to forcefully put the car in reverse.  Understanding it was a losing battle on my point and driving an unregistered vehicle I knew at some point the cops were going to show up and I would be opening an entirely different can of worms.  I was not going to succumb with out a few elegantly placed four letter words toward the trucker.

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I rolled down my window and yelled, “ How long have you been driving a truck you fucking moron”.  To this my new friend retorted, “How long have you been in a coma”, which did not make all that much sense to me.  This went back and forth for another thirty seconds before I rolled up my window, flipped him the double bird backed up, while flipping him off and then remained there cursing and flipping him off while he drove by.  If I was over being a reserved human being I would have dragged his ass out off the truck and slit his neck open right there on the pavement.  Alas for the days where to men could legally have a duel to the death.  Of course in today’s “civilized” society that is illegal.

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For John this was quite the event, for me a usual occurrence.  I believe most of my close friends have had the horrific shock of witnessing similar tantrums.  Im not perfect if I was this blog would not be nearly as colorful and would have even less readers then it already does.  If that is even possible.  I get angry and unfortunately I have years of pent up rage and frustration and when I have one of these anger attacks all of those incidents of myself being wronged by others rush to my brain and kick off such episodes of vehemence.

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Personally Im not proud of these moments and feel rather bad about them afterwards, sure they make for a great laugh and story but not for Chris Lisanti at his greatest.  You know what Im tired of being a mediocre person.  I want to be someone people look up to with reverie.  Its about time I live up the persona I have created for myself and that is why I don’t usual write on such incidents cause I know I could have handled them better and don’t wont others to emulate such behavior, but if these acts teach self control as a parable in a very hypocritical way it was more then worth the humility of writing.