Surfing Ruined My Life

Its funny all the places that one seems to find God.  Prison cells, the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels,  in one’s darkest hour, that is it seems when desperate souls make there last stand and reach out to a power unknown.   So how did I Chris Lisanti, one of the lowest of God’s creatures, the biggest non believer and nay sayer ever, end up sitting before the pulpit listening to the good word of Luke, John, Mathew and the rest of the gang.  You got me, yet there I was sitting two rows back with tears streaming from my eyes the entire time this past Sunday.

I have struggled to even think about writing a blog like this for fear it would turn my readers off, but then I thought of all those Christians who faced horrible but proud deaths by the hand of the Romans and it gave me strength to keep writing.  After all they were not afraid to die for what they believed in. So why should I be afraid to write about it.  So here goes.

It all fits into the last couple of blogs written here.  If you go back to Bowing Out , I know it was like 2000 words long and I don’t really think anyone gave it a read, I finally exonerated my plight and agony I have been going through.  Well somewhere in that mix I started having weekly conversations with one of my professors.  I needed advice on whether I wanted to be a chef anymore and later on just plain help coping with my desperate situation.  At first he just gave me some helpful advice, but then later began quoting scripture.

Normally when someone pulls that shit on me I run for the hills, but for whatever reason I began listening to his jargon.  This time it made a ton of sense though.  The very first moment I went to speak to him he told me words that I have been trying to live by since.  “There are three things a man must figure out about himself before he can truly be a man and attain happiness:

1. What is his purpose in life, or in other words what is he going to do with himself.
2. What does he believe in spiritually.
3. Who is he going to spend the rest of his life with.”

Nothing had ever been summed up so clearly for me. As of lately I had number one covered.  I’m trying to make my way in the world here in Santa Barbara California. I just want to have home, be able to support my home and be happy with it.  If I can do it through food even better.  I thought I had number three figured out, but I guess I was wrong about that one.  Number two, number two has always been troublesome.  I don’t quite ever know what to do with number two.

Well the night he told me that I was very uneasy.  Tons of things had passed beyond my control and I did not know quite where to turn.  He said a prayer for me out loud and it really relaxed me and I felt comforted if only for a few moments.  For whatever reason from that moment on I began to pray a little bit every day and it made me feel better.  I I did not know whom or what I was praying to.  I just believed I was being heard and it was enough for me.

I know I sound very silly right now.  I am a well educated individual.  I should know better then to send my hopes up to the sky.  No matter what rationale I attempted to rectify the situation I still found myself praying every single night.   I have almost been dead so many times, including at birth, yet here I am still breathing to write this.  My mother named me Chris, after Christ, my middle name is Joseph and my last name, Lisanti, means the saint in Italian.

Fast forward to May 3rd where I found myself sitting down professing my love and devotion to Jesus Christ my savior.  I had been asked to open my heart up to him so many times in my life and each I scoffed.  Why he kept knocking is beyond me, but he did.  For a reason unknown to me I listened and took him in.

I don’t know whats next.  I have no grasp on the future.  All I know is that I feel stronger now in this current time of great suffering then I ever felt when everything I thought I wanted was working out.  I’m not telling you this because I think you should follow my example and go sign up.  I promise that I will never become one of those crazy righteous holier then thou types either.  I’m telling you this because it is important for me to share it.  This blog has documented the major changes in my life for the last six years and for me to leave something this big out would be an atrocity.

Please don’t get scared and run from the new Lisanti.  I’m the still the same fun loving guy I always have been.  The difference is this time around I won’t be having fun at the expense of others.  Please keep reading.  I promise there will be chills, spills and thrills just as in the past.  My only hope now is that when you read about them you wont feel the need to shake your head in disappointment or disgust.