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Lisanti Gone Wild: Spring Break Day 1

March 10, 2012 by clisanti

I came to an elevated realization today.  As much as I love my job what I really love is not working at all.  I always meet people who claim to love work and that they would not know what to do with themselves if they did not have a job.  My response has always been “are you nuts what wouldn’t you do if you did not have to be some place for upwards of forty hours a week”.  Do realize that I spend the bulk of my time inside of the Westmont College kitchen.

Don’t get me wrong I really do love my job, but I love having free time more then anything.  There is an upside to working for a college, SPRING BREAK!!!!!:) Yep that’s right at thirty one years old I still get to enjoy spring break and it is amazing my friends.  For the next six days I don’t have to work.  Sure I don’t get paid for it, but what is money anyway but a giant inconvenience in this life.  It has certainly inconvenienced my life more times then I would like to remember.

This is the most time off I have had since December.  I know all of you work-aholic busy people out there are probaly thinking “so what I never get any time off”.  Remember I was once a professional surfer followed by a professional slacker at one time.  Translation: I got to enjoy a ton of quality free time.  Over the years I had become accustomed to such.  I learned to appreciate the art of nothingness.  It is perfectly ok to spend two hours watching a flock of seagulls fight with a flock of crows over a trash can.  When you have no commitments or obligations you learn really fast how to enjoy all of life’s stupidities.

I have spent entire days of accumulated hours of my life picking flowers, collecting sea glass, enjoying beach walks, sunsets, full moons, star gazing, stacking rocks and adventuring.  I would not consider any minute of any of it a waste of time.  On the contrary I think being cooped up in the work place for the bulk of my life so some rich asshole gets richer, while I am constantly under paid and under appreciated a waste of my time.  Unfortunately to exist in our society I am forced to conform.  These days I feel I have conformed to a point where I hardly recognize myself.  I cut my hair.  This is old news but my latest hair cut has me looking the way I should have for all those good jobs I turned down in the past because my hair was too long.

What happened to me?  When did I become like everybody else?  That is not entirely true. I am still far from that.  As long as Lisanti Land is going strong I will never be like everybody else.  What am I ranting about.  Nothing actually.  The point is for the next six days I don’t have to work and that means I am going to live every minute of it to its fullest and will chronicle it here at surfingruinedmylife.net.

Day 1 – The Hike

Last night I went out and got shit faced at the Wild Cat.  I do not need spring break to do that.  Its a rather regular occurrence.  The beauty of spring break is that I got to sleep in till noon today minus being woken up by both my father and Lindsay.  It was fine since both their business was pertinent.  My dad finished doing my taxes and using his magic somehow managed to get me a fatty refund.  Can you say new bedroom set, cause I can!  Then Lindsay as a result of some friendly prodding from yours truly broke up with her boy friend and needed to get out of the house.

Don’t think less of me.  The guy was not treating her right and needs a wake up call.   She is too good for that type of bullshit.  She is like a younger sister to me and I definitely was not going to sit by and watch what was happening and not get involved.  She deserves better.

She got me through my Ades bull shit so I am now going to be there for her.  I was going to go do something cool today anyway.  If it was not for her waking me up I may have just slept the entire day.  Maybe I should not buy a new bed.  Mine is already too comfortable.  If I step up to a queen size forget it I may never come out from under the covers.  Sleep has become one of my new favorite activities for whatever reason.

The plan was to hike Gaviota Peak, but then we futzed around her house with her dog for too long causing us to get a late start.  We set out for the Cold Springs trail in Montecito instead.  I have hiked the many different trails that are in this region a number of times but have never made it to the actual top.  Lindsay wanted to go on a gnarly hike as she put it. We took the expert trail where the entire time you are pretty much climbing at a 15% to 30% grade.  It is the fastest way to the top.

It was a rather invigorating hike.  We did not quite make it to the top but we did manage to get as close as I have ever gotten.  It was getting late and the idea of getting stuck on the trail in the dark did not sit well with either of us.  We did however make it to these two eucalyptus trees that were protruding.  off the edge of the peak.  I always forget how amazing the world around us is till I get some time to actually stop and take it all in.  From up there I looked over the town, all the point breaks I regularly surf, the rich assholes and their million dollar estates and even my own shitty apartment that we have lovingly come to know as the Lisanti Palace and I realized no matter what our status is in this life we are all in it together existing the best we can.

That is all one can ask for out of life, do the best he can.  I don’t know if this is the best I can do at the moment but I do know I am getting close.  Its funny cause a year ago to this date I was on Spring Break and Kooky Kyle was out here for his very first Lisanti Adventure Tour (for more on that read Kooky Speaks Out) and I thought I was doing the best I could.  I thought I had an amazing girl friend and that my life was finally taking shape.  What I did not know was that the whole time I was showing Kooky the best time Santa Barbara had to offer some other guy was showing my girl friend a good time behind my back.

If it was not for that happening I would not have realized a lot about myself that I hated and would not have worked and am constantly working to change.  I am not yet 100% there but I will venture to say I am maybe at 75%.  Back then I did whatever I wanted regardless of the feelings of others.  These days I find myself most times living on the up and up and holding myself to higher standard of class.  Most days I go home proud of myself, who I am and what I am trying to become.  Before enlightenment chop wood carry water, after enlightenment chop wood carry water.

As I sat there perched in one of the eucalyptus trees all of this became apparent to me.  I looked out over all the beauty that is Santa Barbara and realized that this may be the first time in my life where I have not hated myself ever.  A feeling of calm and peace came over me.  I can’t say for certain, but I think everything is going to be alright.  Stay tuned for more Lisanti Spring Break 2012 adventures soon.  Here are some shitty photos I took on my cell phone.  Enjoy….

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Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Juicy, Notorious B.I.G.

March 9, 2012 by clisanti

It was twelve years ago that Christopher Wallace was gun down in LA.  A common tale of yet another great artist taken before their time.  I have done Juicy before as a Groovin’ High way back when it was just a side bar like the surflog.  I believe it was one of the very first one’s I ever wrote.  Being it is the 12 year anniversary of his death I thought I would revisit the song.

Juicy is by far my favorite BIG song and one of my all time favorites as well.  I have been an underdog my whole entire life.  The song is all about rising up and getting yours.  Sure I was not a crack pusher selling drugs to pay the rent for my mother like Biggie.  Lets face it in all actuality I grew up in a very stable home with a veritable silver spoon in my mouth.  So sorry I had better luck to whom I was born.

Besides that I the world has decided to beat on  me since day one.  I have been fighting since I came out of the womb.  I’m not complaining (well maybe a little, but I think everyone knows by now how much I love to whine), it only made me stronger.  That is why the song speaks to me.  If you work hard and believe enough maybe you will be able to achieve your dreams.

As far as the debate goes Biggie or Tupac, well I am sorry but although Pac may have been a recording machine I think song for song BIG just put down better rhymes.  To this day I think very few rappers can stack up to his prowess.   I actually had his head with the crown painted on one of my surf boards.  That is fan dedication right there.  Unfortunately that board ended up sucking so I sold it to Face, who I think may still own it.

I was smashed at the Wild Cat with Micheala, Sorbo and Kooky on 90’s night and we pretty much begged the bouncer to play “Juicy” and he kept skipping over it all night.  Finally at like 1:15am he decided to play it and by then we were so fucked up we just went nuts.  Screaming east coast, rapping out loud and just making absolute fools of ourselves.  Then again what else is new?  Enjoy the music folks.  I am on my way to the Wild Cat where they are sure to play just about anything but this song.

Biggie Smalls

The man knew how to dress as well. Since I have a passion for flashing you know I have to shout out.

Posted in Groovin' High | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Sliding Down The Pole

March 9, 2012 by clisanti

This week’s UCB and first of the quarter goes to John Mauriello, despite a challenge and a half set forth by Scotty B involving making home made Four Loco and possibly by own death.  I actually really am considering the challenge, just waiting for the right group of people in Lisanti Land to be down.  It seems like something I would need Micheala for.  John gets 1.5 points for the inaugural UCB.  He suggested I write just how I feel about strip clubs being I was just recently at one for Kooky’s send off.

A Right of Passage

Not condoning what goes on there, going to a strip joint is an American male right of passage when he turns 18 years old. It goes like this, you turn 18 and buy a pack of cigarettes, a lotto ticket and you go to the titty bar.  Yeah maybe you don’t smoke and could give two shits about the lotto.  You buy it because you can, end of story.  For the same reason it is why you should go to the nudey bar.

When I turned 18 I actually did not go to a strip club, per say.  Well I guess I sort of did.  My friend Jay and I (whom would later stab me in the back, et tu brute,  I guess I should have been aware of the Ides of March.  That is a story not for this blog, ever. You will just have to come to court for the skinny on that one) used to hang out at this run down dive in Asbury where I believe Porto is now.  It was called club seduction and it was the raunchiest strip club I have to this day ever been inside of.  They used to let us in under age and serve us alcohol.  The girls dancing were either over weight or anorexic, a few even had track marks on their arms.  All the while pimps would be propositioning us with their girls, drug dealers pushing and every other type of degenerate one could imagine to lurk about such a place.

We never went there for the strippers but the fact that they served us alcohol and the odds of us getting stabbed was rather high.  One night the cops raided the place and we bolted.  I found myself running through the streets of Asbury at 1 am.  Those of you who are lost, Asbury Park, NJ was one of the most run down dangerous towns in the state back then.  Not to mention 80% black, 15% Mexican and 100% bad news especially for two rich white boys.

Rage

After Seduction was shut down for illegal solicitation so ended my strip club days.  It was no matter cause I went off to college anyway.  I got back into town for winter break and my old friend rage tells me I have to come with him to this awesome club.  Skeptical I found myself at yet another strip joint.  Rage owned a convenience store and had plenty of money.  We walk in the door and the bouncer pounds him out.  Then upon entry all the girls cruising about trying to sell lap dances kept coming up, giving him hugs.  Apparently Rage had been spending some money there.  As it turns out the dude would drop around $250 a night and the strippers always tried to go home with him.  When I asked why he never took them he replied “fuck that they are dirty”.  Yet it did not stop him from getting a lap dance from them.

The Stripper Pole

This is one of those things I have never understood about strip clubs: the pole.  When was it decided that it was sexy to watch a woman swing around a six foot pole naked upside down?  I think it is rather entertaining to watch and a skill in its own right.  Come on how has something so bizarre become common place.  I love it even more when non-stripper women who on any given day would demean a stripper will go crazy on a stripper pole any place they find one outside of a strip club.

The Desperation

That is what these places are: dens of desperation.  I always find myself in a state of confusion in such establishments.  If I was in a whore house it would make sense.  Watch what each girl had to offer then buy one for the night.  At a strip club you go into a back room where you pay a women upward of $40 to $100’s of dollars to rub her nasty cootch all over your cloths.  If I drop $100 at the bar I am sure to pick up a woman who will do a lot more then that for me and we will both be satisfied in the morning.

The girls, oh the girls.  Is your self esteem so low that you need to dance for men for money, naked?  Sure the pay is good, but it is also good being a bar tender and one would still get similar attention as a pretty woman.  How is one ever to expect to amount to anything respectable in such line of work?  I may be lonely, but when I walk into a place like that it makes me feel even more alone.  Then again I have never really had a hard time meeting women.  Maybe for some men that kind of attention makes them feel good.  Hey bud wake up, your paying for that attention.

Quarter Rapped Dollar Bills

What is this you ask?  You take a dollar bill and you rap it around a quarter so that now you have a device you can whip a the stripper while she is dancing in attempt to bruise her body.  I went to a strip club in Oceanside once with a guy who literally would stack six quarters and rap them up then beam it at the girls tits.  Had he not regularly dropped hundreds of dollars there I think he would have gotten thrown out.  Recently I had a stripper sit down next to me and say “I drank a  green tea, a latte and a red bull and now I am really horny”.  I was taken aback at first then replied “Wow if I had all that caffeine I would be bouncing off the walls, not horny”.  She did not see the humor in it.

All I can say is that strip clubs in general are a waste of time and money in my opinion.  The occasional visit is a bit enjoyable thanks to the combination of the patrons and strippers. For whatever reason I seem to find my way into one on an annual basis.  One time by accident.  I was in San Francisco visiting Mauriello (For more on that trip read Talk About a Miscommunication) .  We got into a cab after a party had broken up early.  I asked the cabby to take us some place we could meet some pretty girls.  Misunderstanding my request we were dropped off in the strip club district of that town.  When in Rome….

Even Grandma Loves to get all over the pole. Ohhh baby what club does she work at.

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

An Empty Nest

March 6, 2012 by clisanti

I thought it be poignant to fill everyone in on what has been going on in my life the last few weeks or so.  I have been really busy. There was tons of work to be done at the Palace and like any home improvement project things you think should be finished and done in no time with little effort wind up taking the most time.  I am proud to say that stage one of the gentrification of the Lisanti Palace is complete.  Stage two, the kitchen and bathroom are at the moment on hold till summer, unless of course you kind people would like send some funds my way.  Did not think so.

Stage the three, the Japanese rock garden I hope to put into action by late spring early summer.  I have always loved the peace and tranquility of such places.  I think having one right in my own back yard overlooking the ocean would really do me a lot good. Just to have a spot where I can pick up a rake and make patterns in the rocks would be amazing for my favorite past time of pondering and stewing on my life.  I would love to do a small koi pond out there as well.

As of March 1st I had the entire apartment all to myself.  Kooky shoved off to New Zealand late at night on February 29th.  For a while I had not heard anything of the kid and was getting a little bit worried.  Just the other night I got a facebook message from my friend Sara that he made it to Raglan safely and she was able to get him a job at Solscape working off his accommodation.  Now that is three jobs I have set Kooky up with through my own personal connections and the third job that I had personally done at one time.  The kid has managed to work three of the jobs I had over the last seven years in under seven months.  Now that is a true life intensive Lisanti experience.  I am sure he will send in a Kooky’s Korner on his adventures soon and I will post it here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.

Dave left to go home to Florida a day or two before Kooky.  He had to go back for some traffic court issue.  I have not heard from him thus not sure how things are working out.  All I know is the last I saw of him was right before I passed out from a Sunday at the Kitty and he had to catch a bus at 3:30am to LAX.  I think he drunk ate my lasagna I brought home for lunch the next day cause it was gone.  When I know more I will post more.

On one hand it is really nice to have my apartment, car and life back.  I loved all the visitors and adventures over the past eight months, but it was beginning to take a toll on me.  Having some relaxing quiet time and not worrying about catering to others is rather satisfying.  It is great to do whatever I want, whenever I want and it is really nice to always have a clean apartment and everything in the place I expect it to be.  This was not the case with lots of people constantly floating through.

On the other hand it is a bit lonely being just Alfie and I again.  Having all my friends here for an extended period of time was a very necessary evil to help me get over Adrienne, fix up the apartment and get my life back on track.  I remember back in early December crying on the phone to my mom over Adrienne, which was complete craziness since we had broken up back in May.  I did not go home for the Holiday because of it.

Thanks to everyone who came and spent sometime here with me and was kind enough, and patient enough to listen to my oblique whining and not kill me I was able to realize how pathetic I had become.  Just like that here I am now nearly self sufficient. Sure I still hurt over her on occasion, but it is not like it was before.  Now it is more like I will just get really lonely, or see something that reminded me of her or thought of something I thought she might have got a kick out of and will momentarily think “man I wish Ade’s were still here”.  Then I shake it off just as fast.

The Palace will not be empty for long.  I am happily relieved to say that I found a new roommate who will be moving in full time by the middle of the month.  His name is Dan and he seems like a really good dude.  He has a full time job, is 28 and looking for a step up in life.  I think we are both in the same place in life right now and should be a good fit.  Then again I always think that about my new roommates and then two months later find them with needles in their arms.  I really do have a good feeling about this guy.  Time will Tell.

Wednesday will be the grand re-opening of the Lisanti Palace dinner party, 8pm.  If you are in the Santa Barbara area and want to partake in the festivities hit me up.  You are more then welcome.  Just make sure you RSVP by Wednesday morning so I have a head count.  My new roommate will be here and I believe some of the usual suspects.  This will kick off the weekly dinner parties  we used to indulge in here in the fall.  How can you not enjoy an evening of good food, good wine and good people?

Work is work.  We have had a good number of staff quit meaning new family members will be coming in and old ones going out.  School is school.  Unfortunately my equanimity is waning fast as my hopes to become a “paper chef” seem more and more of an impossibility due to the fact that I would have to quit my job to conceptually finish the program.  This is one of the situations I wish I had my rock garden for to allow me more clarity of thought.  As of the moment I think I may take the fall semester off all together.

Besides that things are looking good and the future bright.  I don’t know what tomorrow will hold and at the moment that is good enough for me.  For I think I will just take things as they come.

Chris Lisanti at Emma Wood 2012

Did I mention that I am making an effort to surf more too. If your not reading the surflog on a regular basis you are missing out on the blog within the blog. Its raw. Photo:Kooky

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Covering the High Ground: Power of Ten

February 29, 2012 by clisanti

The first Power of Ten of the quarter and the month of February goes to Kooky Kyle, whom also earned himself one bonus point for answering the question posed in the UCB winners blog.  The champ is already off to a strong start.  At this moment he is on a bus to LA to catch a plane bound for New Zealand and the next chapter of his adventures.  Don’t worry there will be plenty of Kooky’s Korner entries written by him about his escapades in the land of the sheep.  I for one am very proud of the kid.  He also carried himself quite well last night at the strip club.

Now they are not really my cup of tea, but the guy had never been to one at 23.  I am sorry but it is a straight man’s right of passage to go to the titty bar at 18 and get a lap dance.  I think he was a bit mortified by the whole thing.  I don’t blame him.  Strip clubs are some of the lowest forms of our civilization.  Nothing says I give up like that.  The strippers have given up their personal dignity and pride and so have the customers.  I would rather buy a pretty girl a nice meal for 100 bucks then have her dance on my lap naked.  Maybe that is me just romanticizing life again.  Anyway lets get back to the power of ten cause this can of worms is a whole different blog for another time.

1.  The Barf Barrel – This could be a blog in itself and it may have been written back in the early myspace days.  When I was a junior in high school  Mac Donalds had this promotion, twenty five cent cheese burger Tuesdays or something.  My boy Odie and I on the way to an after school surf decided to stop and pick up $10 bucks worth.  That is forty burgers!  We scarfed that shit down then went up to the beach.  Turns out it was firing.  Solid 6-8ft and barrels everywhere.  We ran out there and began tearing it up.  Well it did not take long for the indigestion to set in.  By my fourth wave I as not feeling so well.  I was sitting out there in agony when this perfect left bowl came right to me.  All the boys started hooting and hollering.  I was the deepest so I had to go.  I sucked it up and paddled into the wave.  Upon dropping in I was ensconced in the pit.  It was solid, so wide I could drive my Honda Civic through it.  Half way into the ride I felt my lunch coming up with a vengeance. Sure enough I spewed right into the face of the wave.   Then I proceeded to watch the vomit go up the face and around the tube.  I basically surfed through a barrel of my own throw up.  I barfed another two times on the paddle back out and then was fine for the rest of the afternoon.  Odie lost his lunch too.  It was a pretty great session.  My buddy Jason saw the whole thing from the side while he was paddling back out.  Said he almost blew chunks as a result too.

Barf Barrel

Just Imagine seeing a streak of vomit coming over me and that would have been what the Barf Barrel looked like.

2. Surf Lingo – On the whole I find surf lingo rather ridiculous and somewhat demeaning to surfers, especially when used by non surfers who have no idea what they are  talking about.  There are some instances where surf lingo or surf speak as I like to refer to it is necessary.  That is for certain feelings, emotions and circumstances that can only happen while surfing and be experienced by a surfer.  It is for those reasons certain surf speak was created.  There were no other words in the human language to describe such.  Barrel, tube, pit, larrel, lip, mush burger, green room, slotted, etc. are all terms to describe different parts of the wave/ride.  They have meaning in the English language but none of those definitions fit their meaning in surfing.  Kook, ripper, shredder, sweeper, sponger, wahine, loc, heavy, punk etc.  are all terms that describe different types of  surfers and abilities. What I am saying is I am fine with surf lingo when used among surfers, but outside of our sub culture I find it brass and idiotic.  When the non-surfing use it I just feel insulted and outraged.  If I have to explain it you won’t understand anyway.

3. Worst Surf Trip  – Santa Barbara is the worst surf trip that I have ever took cause I have been stuck on it for the last five years.  Just kidding.  Truthfully I really can’t think of a bad surf trip.  Even the ones where the waves were awful I still managed to surf my brains out and have a great time.  A few years back I probably would have had a whole list for you.  These days as I look back over all my travels I am grateful for every single one.  Traveling is one of the most amazing things a person can do.  It is an amazing world out there with endless possibilities.  If surfing is the outlet one must use to get out there and see what there is to see then good on ya.  I know if I was not a surfer I most likely would not have went to half the places I have been.  These days most of the trips I take are non surfing trips and so are many of the ones I hope to some day take on.  I really want to go to Italy for a few months, back to my native country and see all the sights, eat the food, maybe even cook the food.  I want to see Stonehenge.  Bottom line there is no such thing as a bad trip except for the ones not taken.

4.  Vagrancy – I guess at one time I was classified as a vagrant and have definitely put up my share of them here in Lisanti Land.  I believe everyone ought to have a period of his/her life spent as a vagabond living by the seat of their pants, traveling from place to place on a wing and prayer with no destination in mind.  I did it for years and it was amazing.  At some point life catches up to you and then you to make a decision.  Believe me I have plenty of friends who were all former vagrants now living very stable lives.  Heck I am one of them.  Shit I just put 2gs into my apartment.  If that is not stable I don’t know what is.  Career vagrants and I do not get along.  I hate bums.  Quite frankly there are way to many of them here in the city of Santa Barbara.  I have a good mind to go sit down with the mayor ask her to deputize me, give me a van, a clan of Pinkertons and let me clean up the town.  No questions asked.  That is a whole different blog entirely.

These guys need to go. I pay too much money to live in this town to put up with their shit.

5. Garbage Can Books – I find more great books in the garbage then I buy.  Its rather alarming to me as a writer myself.  Here I am working on a master piece of a novel that I know is most likely to be thrown in the trash.  Its probably a terrible work, but my delusional ass likes to think it is good.  The other day I picked The Portrait of Dorian Grey, The Canterbury Tales, Tess of the d’urbervilles among other great titles from a trash pail.  It was shocking.   Books are all we have as a civilization.  You know what made us “civilized” and I use that term lightly considering my thoughts and beliefs on the human race, reading and writing.  If you finished a book and do not want it any more pass it along to someone else.  That is the best way to share a piece of yourself with others.  I always give my extended guests a book upon their entrance to the Lisanti Palace.  I try to tailor the selection to a work I feel will fit their character and current situation in life.  Sometimes I will use a work to teach a lesson of sorts.  For example when I was pretty sure my ex-girlfriend was cheating on me I gave her a copy of Gustav Flaubert’s Madam Bovary read.  If you do not understand why, read the book cause it is a beautiful tragic love story.

6. Alfie and the Dish Cloth – I am a bit of push over with my pets.  I hate being a disciplinarian especially with my pets.  Neither was my ex-wife.  As a result Alfie grew up with not the best manners.  More times then not during dinner hour he would have to be thrown off the table repeatedly.  Then when my drug addict roommate Nick was passing out all over the apartment (who by the way I am happy to say is in England going through rehab and hopefully cleaning up his life.  Nick I am proud of you man.  Stay on the course.  Your too good for that shit.) Alfie had free reign over all the food that was constantly getting left out or spilled.  Now before we go any further let me say I am not a fan of animal abuse and that I love my cat.  Please do not go calling the ASPCA on me.  One day after feeling a bit sad and then angry over the Adrienne situation I was eating dinner ALONE!  Alfie jumped up on the table and tried to grab my food.  I lost it snagged the dish cloth and rat tailed him.  I got him pretty good too.  So every time Alfie gets out of line all I have to do is pick up the dish cloth and begin to roll it and he bolts.  My dinner parties all run a ton smoother now.

7. Girls Destroying Clothing – I have had a startling amount of clothing ruined by women.  I cannot even tell you the number of button down shirts that I had all or most of the buttons ripped off in the heat of passion.  One in particular wrecked five of my best shirts.  I have had pants ruined because the zipper got torn off.  Fuck I know if tore off an expensive designer dress on some chick she would be pissed as hell about it.   I remove clothing in a sexy yet respectable manner.  I am not even going to get into the number of outfits I had ruined on me as a result of vomiting.  Ladies c’mon.  I know I am irresistible, but does my wardrobe have to suffer for it?

8. Best …Lost Moment – The company …lost has for the greater span of their life as a surf brand been known as anti surfers surf company.  In other words they full on touted the party hard, surf less, miss contests, cause trouble, derelict surf life style rather then the clean cut, mellow, guitar playing, life loving drug/alcohol free positive surfer portrayed by the majority of the industry.  As a result they built up a team of quite the group of characters and a following even worse.  Then they put out these series of films in the early 2000’s documenting and glorifying said lifestyle.  It was very entertaining and there were plenty of out of control moments.  Girls falling down flights of stairs, drunken stair surfing, Randal who was this bum they found living under the pier in Oceanside and paid in booze to allow the team to abuse.  He got his hair lit on fire on many occasion.  There were drunken fights, under age riders chugging pitchers of beers for $20, going over the falls at huge shore break Mexico in an inner tube, having a surfing dog burn some of the best pros at Lowers.  It was insane.  The best moment and I think the entire surf world is with me on is this one is this clip when pro surfer Strider pulled the g-string of some 15 year old girl on the beach in Mexico, called her a slut then jumped back in his jeep and drove away from “Whats really goin wrong”.

I could not find the clip, but this trailer gives a decent idea of what …lost was all about.  The side of surfing everyone knows exists, but don’t want to talk about.

9.  Covering Your Tracks –  This can go for anything in life, but in surfing it is about hiding either where your surfing or surfed to keep the crowds down.  For example in Cape Hatteras, NC the sand bars are constantly shifting.  A good bar can be around for a day or a week or so.  When such occurs initially it is uncrowded.  Then some one goes and tells his friend, who tells his friend, who tells his friend and so on and so forth.  Next thing you know the place is mobbed the next day.  To keep this from happening many of us like to park not right on the spot, drive cars that are not obvious surf cars, I have seen people go as far as hiding their cars behind dunes and then literally covering up the tire tracks.  I once told a buddy of mine I was surfing shitty blown out Ventura, all the while looking at perfect Loons with no one out.  I knew that guy had a big mouth and I was not about to tell him where I was so he could show up with ten bros.

1o. Animal Print – I am a sucker for animal print.  It drives me wild.  When I see a chick wearing any kind of animal print outfit I am immediately turned on.  It brings out our most primal of instincts.  For that reason my bedding has always contained some form of animal print.  Currently I am running with zebra print satin sheets.  Ohhhhh yeahhh, high class.  As I am writing this I have a leopard comforter around me from a former bed set.  Maybe that is why I have all my cloths torn off by women?

Posted in Anger, Surfing, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

King of the Castle, Lord of Manor…

February 28, 2012 by clisanti

Well folks its all over.  I mean it ended on December 21st technically.  Thanks to my laziness, some amazing surf sessions (Visit the surf log to read about those), too much party (you can read the surf log for this too), pure exhaustion due to my job,  and renovations to the Lisanti Palace I am only finally getting around to posting the Fall UCB winner and the winner for the year/subsequent winner of the grand prize: A SELF EXPENSE PAID TRIP TO LISANTI LAND: THE SANTA BARBARA CHAPER!!!! What do I have to say for myself?  Absolutely nothing.  My life has been busy, hectic and as usual out of control thanks to the fact that I am insane, maybe in a good way?  I do not know.  You can be the judge of that.  I am always a bit to harsh a critic on myself after all.

2011 was actually the most exciting year for the UCB franchise that I can remember.  Going into the fall quarter I had a three way tie between our current reigning champ and two time yearly winner Kooky Kyle, UCB heavy and I believe a champ once back in the myspace days, John Mauriello and a man who should never be discounted, a man who is living proof that the size of the dog does not equal the size of the fight, Nick the Kook.  Now all three of these guys have lived the grand prize and all currently have life time passports to Lisanti Land.  Of course that is not their life time, but mine cause when Chris Lisanti ceases to exist so goes Lisanti Land and with the way I choose to live my life that could be sooner rather then later.

I guess if I had a kid and he/she was a nut job like myself Lisanti Land could live on.   Lets face it look at Alfie.  That is the product of being brought up in Lisanti Land for eight years and he is a cat.  Imagine the mental effects I would have on a very impressionable human child.  The kid’s sanity would not stand a chance.  Mino is living proof of this theory.  Then again if I had a daughter and she got married and took the defuses’ last night then Lisanti Land would be lost forever.  So for the survival of Lisanti Land all must hope for a male heir.  Face it I am destined to be perpetually alone for the rest of my life, am probably sterile from years of wearing tighty whities, only recently converting to full on commando, heavy alcohol abuse and surfing in freezing cold water.

There could be illegitimate children of mine floating around out there, but even if their mothers remembered who I was which is a stretch considering they would had to have known my name in the first place, they would most likely lie to their kids and tell them their father died in a horrific pie eating contest accident rather then tell them the truth.  At this point it seems the Lisanti empire dies with me considering I am the last male of my line :(.  Wow talk about rambling on.

Without any more of my crap the winner for both the fall quarter and 2011 is:

Kooky Kyle!!!!!

1st: Kooky Kyle – 5 points
2nd:  John Mauriello – 4.5pts
3rd: Fifi – 2pts
4th: Nick the Kook – 1pt

Congratulations to Kooky Kyle and everyone else who participated.  Remember if you don’t play you can’t win.  Let me take a minute to explain that the UCB is a two way street for all of us.  For me I get a steady flow of new topics to sound off on and extra motivation to write.  Some of my best work has been as a result of UCB suggestions.  For you, there are more blogs and usually of higher content, its always fun to have bragging rights, albeit I am not sure the weight of such, and there is the grand prize up for grabs, although lets face it all one really has to do is ask and he/she can come hang out in Lisanti Land.  I guess there really is not much incentive to play.

Do it for me then, cause I really get a kick out of the whole thing.  I have a lot of new readers and subscribers.  If you enjoy reading my stuff then why not take an active roll in what you read?  It will bring a smile to my face and lots of outside ideas to the blog.

Here is what is going to happen with the winter quarter.  I am extending it to April 1st rather then ending on the spring equinox as I have done in the past to make up for missing the entire months of February and January.  There will be one UCB in February and a Power of Ten list.   In March I will feature two UCBs a week and two Power of ten Lists.  Remember the Power of Tens are worth two points, regular UCBs worth one, and the first blog of the quarter worth 1.5.   Lets get this party started and try and keep Kooky from taking a fourth title.  So far he is in the same class as Andy Irons and Tom Curren.  Here is a chance for an easy bonus point.  The title of this blog was used as part of phrase from what television show? For full rules and regulations of the UCB click  here.

Three time UCB Champion Kooky Kyle. He is ready to take you on this year!

 

Tom Curren

Ok, maybe Kooky is not quite in the same class as Curren.

 

Posted in User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

A Month of Surfing Sloth: December 2011 Surfing in Review

February 17, 2012 by clisanti

December 2011 Surf Sessions in Review

With each session review I get closer to compiling enough data to bring a 2011 year of surfing in review to this site.  It will be the first of its kind and I must say I am rather excited to see the results of 12 months of useless surfing data.  I know I am crazy.  OCD is a terrible disease.  I guess one could say I am the Rain Man of surfing except I do not have the ability to count cards.

December started out slow surf wise then the north west swells just began to pour in and as of the moment really have not stopped. Believe me there are no complaints here.  My only gripe is with myself and the fact that I blew a number of potential surf sessions thanks to either pure laziness, partying too hard or due to injuries incurred from partying, all of which amounted to December becoming the most underutilized month of the year for me.  That being said there were still plenty of good times all around.

In life I managed to begin the renovations on my apartment, which at press time are just about finished.  Mentally and emotionally I worked through a ton of issues I have been harboring as well.  Maybe not surfing my brains out amounted to some positive in the end.  Only time will tell.  Here are the stats for December:

Number of Surf Sessions: 23
Days Surfed: 18
Total Time Spent in the Water: 35hrs, 25 mins
Waves Surfed: 442
Average Waves Caught in an Hour: 13

Spots Surfed:
Rincon: 8
Emma Wood: 3
Hollywood By The Sea: 3
Little Rincon: 2
New Jetty: 2
Oxnard Shores: 2
C Street: 1
Kooks Peak: 1

Top Three Surf Sessions:

3) 12/20/11 PM Session: 2-3+ft, C Street
Time in Water: 1hr
Waves Surfed: 1o
Mother fucking Cstreet, are you kidding me.  Is that really where I have had the best session in the last five?  Apparently.  Kooky and I car surfed down to Emma finding nothing.  The choice came down to running back to Rincon or going to Cstreet.  I had a feeling it could be fun at the latter so it was on.  Not even looking at it we suited up.  Out of time it was a make it or break it kind of session, sometimes the best ones.  There were two distinct peaks up at pipe.  Straight out of the gates I was nailing good waves.  I caught ten waves and eight of those had no less then six turns.  My last three were sick and some of the better backside turns I have done on my new board.  My last wave was so good I quit on it even though I still had easily another 15 minutes of light left.  Unfortunately Kooky not really knowing where to sit had a frustrating session.  C Street can givith and take it away just as fast.

2) 12/4/11 AM Session: 2-4ft, Oxnard Shores
Time in Water: 1hr
Waves Surfed: 17
Finally a surf and a good one at that.  I got down to Ventura Harbor and it was all closed out.  I was left with a choice of either going to a steadily draining tide Emma Wood or a gamble at the shores.  If I choose the shores and lost then I would have once again blew my gas on yet another wasted car surf.  My prayers were answered as I came up the beach to head high offshore spitting barrels in every direction I looked.  Kooky and I were on it.  What ensued was a full on barrel fest.  I had some drainers.  I saw Kooky get blasted out of a few good ones  too.  My last wave was one of the better left hand barrels I have caught in a long time. It may have been three days in the making but the first session of the month was on.

1) 12/25/11 AM Session: 3-4+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 3hrs
Waves Surfed: 24
See a Christmas of Epic Proportions Part I and Part II for more details.

 Well there you have it another month of surfing in Lisanti Land folks.  As always you can keep a daily tab on my surfing sessions or just the gnarl that happens in my life that keeps me from surfing at the surflog.

Rincon on Christmas morning, the best session of the month with out a doubt.

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

As My Time Here Draws to a Close: Kooky’s Korner

February 16, 2012 by clisanti

Kooky’s time here is waning, closing in on just about two weeks.  I must say the kid has certainly grown on me these past few months.  I believe he has seen more sides of Chris Lisanti than anyone besides maybe my mother.  Kyle has experienced, angry Chris, party Chris, drunkard Chris, depression Chris, suicidal Chris, hard working Chris even relationship Chris.  Despite dealing with all my moods and insanity he has stayed true and loyal.  In this day in age it is a trait hard to find in another human.  I respect this trait for I myself am one of the most loyal subjects to be found.  Those that head me will get the same treatment in return.

I feel a bit like a proud mentor at this moment.  I have watched over the past four months a kid who I thought might get eaten up by the world learn how to survive outside of the realm of a book.  Knowledge gets you far, yet knowledge plus experience earn one wisdom.   Two months ago I had real fears for the kid over in New Zealand and in life in general.  He survived an extended stay in Lisanti Land at one of the heaviest eras in it’s history.   As I watch him command himself both at life and work these days I am honored to call him one of my brothers.  Kooky Kyle is going to make it in this life folks and its not going to be as drone as I once was afraid of.  I feel assurance that on the road of life he shall take the path less trodden upon.

What a month it has been since you last heard from me. I am still alive believe it or not. I surfed epic El Capitan and some really good Rincon with manageable crowds. I can finally surf a point as it should be surfed, linking turns and sections together. I am no master, but a wave is not totally wasted on me. After nearly four months here I finally got a real mattress and my room is my own, though Alfie still likes to use it as his litter box. Marc recently left, and left his sickness he picked up down in Orange County around the apartment. I am trying to dodge it as best I can. We now have a new couch mate, Dave. He came here as a guest of Chris, but now, I consider the kid a friend of mine too. I guess that is how these things work, shared roof, shared food, shared bar tabs, and shared friends. Gainfully employed, and secure in my living situation, I am now gearing up to leave Santa Barbara.

Why, you ask? First if I do not leave soon, when? Sure next month is a likely bet for some of the more elusive spots to turn on. After that the likelihood of scoring the points rapidly diminishes and what am I doing here? I have booked my ticket to New Zealand and will be there for forty days. I am really excited and a little nervous. Never in my life have I set off to be, as far from everyone I have known, as I am about to be. How can one grow though when they live in the shade of comfort? Even here in Lisanti Land I had a safety net of Chris and the Palace. Even though Chris and I joke about killing each other, I know he has my back as he has illustrated time and time again. Now do not get me wrong, I have grown here  My surfing has definitely improved as I have constantly pushed myself in the water.  I have also learned there is more to life than surfing. Surfing can be the avenue to what else there is in life or it can block you off to it. I hope that I can find the prior to be true, as I have lived most of my life so far under the later.  I will undoubtedly make memories and grow on this adventure. No concrete plans, no travel partners, it is just me.
After New Zealand I have a few things cooking. Some opportunities have come up that I want to take but would have to give up on others. It does look as though I will be returning to New Jersey and rounding out my last summer as a lifeguard.  It saddens me to think that my childhood is ending. I have spent every summer of my life with my extended family at our beach house. I spent more time there than many of my cousins, especially in these recent years. I made many of my best friends there, some of whom are more than friends now.  They are family. Alas, all things must pass. I stand on the verge of my adulthood and see the experiences that lay ahead and I embrace it.
If you are in New Zealand let me know I wouldn’t mind grabbing a beer or some waves with anyone.

Brothers from another mother.

Posted in Kooky's Korner, Life, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

#@$% Valentine’s Day

February 15, 2012 by clisanti

You can fill in whatever four letter word that works for you in the title, kind of like those word books when I was kid, Mad Lips.  I do not believe I need to tell any of you out there the words I wish to fill in.  I have always hated this stupid ridiculous made up holiday.  I mean seriously was it created to make people feel bad or add to alcohol, drug and domestic abuse?

If you have a Valentine then it is a headache trying to make the day special for her.  The main reason is not because of a lack of love, but because every other idiot with a girl friend out there is trying to do the same thing.  End result, everything is crowded, over priced, over zealous.  You get frustrated cause you are blowing it.  She gets frustrated then upset, because you blew it.  She cries, then locks herself in the bathroom while you rub one out and go to sleep.  If your relationship lasts you get to hear about how you blew it for as long the two of you are together.

If your single things can play out in a few different scenarios, all start the same way: depression followed by drinking.   Now if your desperate and cant handle the idea of being alone you go out and call every female you know in hope that you can set up some type situation that will be even remotely close to a date.  Sticking dollar bills down your favorite stripper’s g-string does not count, neither do lap dances.  The date is awkward since you called her out of desperation and she most likely said yes  for the same reason.  After you both go your separate ways, she goes home locks herself in the bathroom and cries.  You go home, rub one out and go to sleep.

Next option: both male and female parties decide to go out in search of a “valentine for the night”.   For many years I have enjoyed time with plenty of women on Valentine’s Day who were looking to have a man for the night to reduce their loneliness.  End result here, next morning she goes home (hopefully, cause when it happens in your bathroom it is quite the nuisance) locks herself in the bathroom and cries.  Like most one night stand bar hook ups you feel even more alone.  In my case I have to wash the sheets on my bed, open my windows  and most likely sleep on the couch cause I can not handle the repugnant smell of casual sex.   If you do not meet a chick then you go home rub one out and go to sleep alone and miserable.

Finally I tried a different route this year.  Initially my plan was to go with the above option.  Then after giving it some  thought decided I would rather just sit home and empty a nice bottle Beaujolais I have been sitting on for such the occasion into my liver.  If you are going to depression drink at least do it with some class.  I have been fighting off this cold for the past week and decided getting absolutely shit house was a bad idea ( what? me really?).  I hung out with my roommates watched a few  episodes of Seinfeld from my box set (Kooky and I are trying to get through the whole thing before he leaves) and now I am writing this.

Maybe it is a step in the right direction.  All I can say is that a fucking broken heart sucks.   I have taken a lot injuries in  my life, but this hurts more then anything and it is completely fictitious.  I am not whining, well not that much anyway just stating a fact.  I find myself more times then not hating the fact that I am alone, but hating the idea of being with anyone.  How is that for an oxymoron?  The worst part is there are a couple of cool women floating around my life at the moment yet I just cant do it.  For now I prefer the company of total strangers.  When they leave in the morning I barely remember their names, in some cases am still too drunk to really even see what they look like and know that most likely I will never see any of them again.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.  All I am going to say is that if you have a Valentine take care of her and ladies appreciate the effort your man has made for you.  A relationship is about more then one stupid day out of the year.  It is about how the interaction is day in and day out.  In my opinion flowers for no reason is far more commendable then flowers on a day where it is EXPECTED!!!  Now if you don’t mind I am going to rub one out and go to sleep.

I was walking on Lead Better the other day and saw this sand sculpture. Its rather classic. I guess that dude was really over women.

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Life | Tagged | 3 Comments »

Saving All My Love for You, Whitney Houston

February 13, 2012 by clisanti

I think this was an obvious choice for a Groovin’ High entry.   First off if you live under a bigger rock then I do let me inform you that Whitney Houston died at age 48 this past weekend as a result of drug and alcohol abuse.  I must say I was rather saddened by the news.  It is a real tragedy to lose someone with so much talent.  Some asshole tried to tell me that Whitney was never all that good.  The woman had a four octave range and could belt it out with the best of them.  She was a pure Diva.

If you cannot appreciate her ability as a singer then you must be deaf.  As far as her untimely death goes it is a real shame.  I hate to see good people succumb to their problems and then use substance as their escape.  I guess at the moment I am not doing all that much better with such, but I hope to one day be free of the nightmare I live.

When I was studying at Berklee I played a recital with this ensemble put together by a very talented female vocalist.  She was a Whitney fanatic and I believe she did three Whitney songs at the gig.  “Saving All My Love For You” was one of them and it has always been my favorite of her tunes.  It is a terrible song about cheating, but the emotion she sings it with really makes you feel the  true meaning of the song.  I think most of us have been in a position where we were feeling pretty bad cause we loved some one who was not worth it and just taking advantage.  Love is blind after all.  Yet seeing is believing.

We put on a pretty decent rendition of the tune.  I had a cool little intro to it on my sax and a solo mid song.  I later performed an arrangement of the tune on my alto sax while doing some solo work.  Whitney was an amazing vocalist, actress and person who unfortunately decided to take the easy way out instead of dealing with her problems.  She will be missed by all.  I wish her family and friends left behind the biggest of sympathy.  Listen to this live rendition of Whitney Houston performing “Saving All My Love For You” at the 1986 Grammy awards.  Enjoy and remember what she was and not how she left us.

Ah Whitney you will be missed.

I threw this one in just for fun.  They played it at the club Saturday night and everyone just got down in her memory.

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