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The Month of New Jetty: November 2011 Surfing

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »

November 2011 Surf Sessions in Review

I know I am like two months behind, but what would any one who reads here regularly expect.  If you keep up with the daily updates in the surflog then it should not surprise you.   My life is crazy and my time spread thin.  I guess I will sleep when I am dead.  I am only getting this done today because I happen to be sick and called out of work.  I am too sick to surf even.  Trust me it is firing right now with some real nice WNW action.  You know I’m taking it hard if I am sitting out.  I have already missed an epic El Capitan session last night.  Whatever, I don’t give a fuck.

Back to November.  November for the most part was one big let down after another both for waves and life.  Kooky who came out here with high hopes of scoring great point surf got stuck more times then not at shitty New Jetty, which was where the majority of my surfing took place.  Now in the summertime that is common place, but in the fall it should not be.  There was still some choice days.  There were also some terrible drunken nights at the bar that cost me a surf or two and one surfboard that got completely destroyed as a result.   You can check out the November ’11 surflog for the details on the entire month.  Here are the session break downs.  Oh the joys of having OCD.

Number of Surf Sessions: 23
Days Surfed: 22
Total Time Spent in the Water: 35hrs
Waves Surfed: 521
Average Waves Surfed Per Hour: 15

Spots Surfed:
New Jetty: 9
Rincon: 3
Emma Wood: 2
Oxnard Shores: 2
Dredge: 1
Sharks Cove: 1
Sand Spit: 1
Little Rincon: 1
Silver Strand: 1
Gold Coast: 1

Top 4 Surf Sessions (I could not leave any of these out to only make it three)
4)  11/25/11 PM Session2: 1-3+ft, Sharks Cove
Time in Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 32
We were on our way to battle the immense crowds down south, when Kooky spotted out some waves breaking at Sharks.  I knew it would be a bit smaller there, but no one was out and I love that wave.  The place is so rip-able and its right here in town.  We decided to go for it.  Four other guys joined us crushing my hopes of a solo session, but I knew one of them and everyone took turns and was mellow.  It was a bit smaller then I would have liked.  Only about waist to occasional chest, but it was perfect.  I had a ton of really fun waves out there and it was just the mellow session in the midst of a hectic weekend I was looking for.

3) 11/21/11 AM Session: 3-5+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 3hrs
Waves Surfed: 23
I love bounce back swells.  This one hit the Islands and came upon us at a perfect angle.  There was a dropping tide and light winds.  Rincon was flawless.  When I first got out there I was in the cove with about 30 people.  An hour later I was sharing the place with a solid 200 crowd spread over the entire point.  I had some great ones.  I got burned on some that would have been great ones and I burned a few along the way.  Classic Rincon.  I did stick one huge six foot long gap air that I totally cleared an entire section on.  I had a near 540 as well but landed on the back too far on the shoulder to ride it out.  Minus the crowd I was stoked.

2) 11/24/11 PM Session: 4-7+ft, Little Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 27
Oh another Turkey day west swell.  I wanted to surf Rincon but it was over 300 hundred heads strong.  I tried a gamble and lost with El Capitan.  Little Rincon had a decent enough wave with only about thirty or so guys on it.  It was a bit stretched and racy, but there were some good ones.  I was having a good time till I went on this dude who was clearly not going to make the section he pulled into.  Kooky said he was falling as I dropped into it.  The guy paddles over to me and tells me “If you do that again I am  going to break something on you”.  ”Were you really going to make it” I replied.  ”Thats not your call to make” he said.  ”No it was the waves call and it was not having it” I retorted.  He got mad and told me that when he is on a wave I don’t go.  I apologized and left it alone.  Then he deliberately burned me on my next wave to prove a point.  The old Chris would have gone into the beach.  Went to my car, got the tire iron out of my trunk and beat the bejesus out of him.  The new Chris  just took a deep breath and let it go.   Whatever I got a wave from the hotel at Mussel Shoals all the way to the beach break at the bottom of the highway.  We clocked it in the car on the way home and  it was just under 7/8ths of a mile.  Never done something like that there.  My legs hurt so bad by the end of it I could barely turn.

1) 11/7/11 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Oxnard Shores
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 28
Oooo there is nothing I love more then a good old fashioned barrel fest. Not only that but a Hatteras style barrel fest.  Lindsay and I pulled up to New Jetty and it was crowded, at least thirty guys deep.  Lakey Perterson was out with her little grom crew and camera.  The whole place was a scene.  On top of that it was a bit walled and wonky.  Not nearly as good as the previous day.  I noticed the wind was trying to go offshore and with plenty of combo swell still in the water, plus a dropping low tide I made the call to try the shores.   The place loves such conditions.  I pulled up to the closest spot to Ventura.  There was some movie being filmed up on the beach with all their stupid Hollywood hoopla.  Right in front looked marginal at best.  Then I looked down the beach and was pretty sure I saw spitting barrels.  Upon driving a few blocks south my eyes had not deceived me.  All I could see in every direction was left and right bowls unloading on a shallow sand bar.  I am talking throaty double ups.  I got my ass seriously kicked by a few I did not make it out of.  The crowd was about twenty strong but spread among an endless amount of peaks. Bobby was surfing the peak next to me just getting absolutely pitted off his skull.  I had my share as well.  It was a fucking great session.  It lasted a solid two hours before the wind came up.  What a session.

Oxnard Shores delivering.

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Still Blowing it…

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 24, 2012| 6 Comments »

I have written all this before and am beginning to sound like a broken record.  If such is the case so be it.  You know what one of the definitions of insanity is?  Doing the same thing over and expecting different results.  At this point in my life I have stopped expecting different results.   Maybe that means I am no longer insane?  Or at the very least not in the that sense.   I think I still classify for the derangement of the mind meaning.

I am not going to lie to you people I have been blowing it hard lately.  You know that New Years proclamation I made about  drinking less and putting my efforts toward more positive actions.   As it turns out since the first I have been partying harder then ever and drinking like a fish.  I must say that at this point I am for augments sake a functioning alcoholic.  I guess it was only a matter of time.  Then again through out my entire life I have went through periods of heavy drink followed by periods of relative sobriety.  Maybe this is just an up turn on the drink side.

Last night I went out to the Wild Cat full on expecting to get shit house wasted and throw an after party at the palace despite the fact that I knew it was the first day of school Monday and that I had a 7am class.  End result of the festivities was finding myself doing vodka shots at 6am while Kooky prepared to go to work.  Needless to say I did not make it to class instead sleeping the entire day away.  The good news is I won the urban indoor golf game we played at 4am to the enjoyment of all my neighbors trying to get some sleep on a Sunday night for their Monday work days.

A few weeks ago I would have been shocked that I would do such a thing. Not this morning.  Nope, everything that went down all the way to this chick I was sort of into hooking up with another friend of mine right in front of me was not surprising at all.  I have truly become one of those Santa Barbara loser idiots I used to make fun of.  At this point I am working on becoming a complete waste of space.

I had this realization of how hard I am currently blowing it in life as I  stood there mid point this afternoon at El Capitan watching five guys enjoy small little waste high plus peelers.  I sat there holding my wet suit still a bit drunk taking it all in.  The green grass rock speckled ground under my feet, the setting sun and subsequent orange sky, the fact that I could not see anything around me but trees and rolling green hills with a llama ranch on it.  And of course the waves.  El Capitan is perfect.  I mean perfect.  Watching the waves break there is mesmerizing.  I don’t think there is a surfer alive who would shake a stick at it.

The cool wind felt amazing on my face.  I took a deep breath of the fresh air.  This is what life is really about I thought at that moment.  This is what I should be doing.  I am better then some alcohol swilling miscreant of the night in a vain attempt to drink my problems away.   Why had I let myself get to this point.  The in shape motivated 22 year old professional surfing Chris Lisanti would slap the shit out of me if he got into a time machine and saw me, himself and what I have let myself become.  I don’t know if I have found rock bottom yet, but I am for the most part at the moment  existing at the bottom of the barrel.

I tugged my wetsuit on and jumped into the water.  My head hurt a bit from both hangover and dehydration.  I stroked into my first wave, a clean waist high peeler and cracked off three solid turns.  Then I started catching a bunch of fun ones dismantling each with a solid backside attack.  Things made perfect sense out in the water. If only I felt the same way on land.  There in lies the problem perchance.  I have been spending far too much time on land and far too little in the water.

Towards the end of the evening as darkness was settling in Kooky and I post change stood there in solitude watching one last perfect little set peel down the point.  I looked at him and said “you know I am better then all this”.  He gave me an approving nod.   We turned away and walked through the dark to the car.  I don’t have answers right now, only questions.     I can’t promise anything.  What I do know is that I can do better…

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“The Greatest Christmas Ever”: Christmas Dread Part II

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on December 28, 2011| 8 Comments »

If you missed Part I click here to catch up.

Things started off rather amazing.  Christmas Eve West and I caught some really fun Rincon in the morning See December 24th of the Surflog for more about that.  Later the boys and I cruised back to the ‘Con.  Conditions were perfect if only it was about four feet bigger.  Then again if my grandmother had a dick she would be my grandfather.  That is an old Russian saying I picked up from a friend of mine a while back.  He would always tell me that in the water whenever I would say “it would be a ton of fun right now if the waves were six feet bigger”.

I ended up just bumbling around the rocks hunting for sea glass, shells and building rock stacks.  I played with a few random dogs that crossed my path as well.  Christmas Eve dinner featured steaks grilled on my coal grill in the back yard, a very nice bottle of French wine (It was Christmas so I decided to spoil myself).  The wine ended up being amazing and as a result I would not put the cork back into it.  The entire contents had to be drank.  West and I killed the bottle since poor Kooky had to work.  That kid is a go-getter.  We capped the evening off with a viewing of Mel Brooks’ masterpiece “Space Balls”.  How can it get better then that?

Before we proceed any further I find it of great importance to briefly speak on what happened or what may have happened on the night of the 23rd.  It was West’s first night in town and all three of us were in the mood to rage hard.  For whatever reason I bought a few days prior a fifth of Jose Cuervo.   Now tequila and I are bad news.  Whenever I get hammered off the stuff I get wild and those are the mornings I wake up with little recollection and big problems.

Of course I poured a few rounds of shots and it was off to the bar.  On the way down, mini shots all around.  Then at Wild Cat we did three rounds of Tequila shots, which we chased down with AMFs!!!! It was bad news.  Turns out none of us remembered a thing, but all were in agreement that a good time was had.  I know what little I do remember was awesome.

Skip forward to Christmas Day.  I awoke Christmas morning to no tree, no presents, no family and absolutely no fanfare.  Instead I woke up Kooky and West and we cruised to Rincon.  The point was firing.  The tide was a little high, but there was a light crowd and solid head high lines coming through.  For the next three hours I dismantled the entire point taking four runs from Indies to Cove.  Out of twenty four waves I caught at least fifteen were all time rides.  Kooky and West got some fun ones too.  Tom Curren was out with his sons and Yadin Nicol was all over it as well.

After a remarkable surf we rolled home for breakfast.  We made a quick stop at Vons to pick up a bottle of wine for dinner since I ended up drinking the entire bottle the night before.  This time I went with one of my favorite California red blends.  It has been nice to splurge on some nice wine this holiday considering how tight my wine budget has been the last few months.  At the check out counter the lady behind the register had some gnarly Christmas get up going that she finished off with her hair froed out and decorated like a Christmas tree.  Don’t worry I took a candid photo with my cell phone.

Back at the palace Kooky did up his famous crepes (they are incredible, kid has skills), while I did home fries and scrambled five eggs. It was a feast fit for a king and we reveled in it.  Upon the conclusion of Breakfast all three of us did the call home to our families thing and pretended like we missed them, all the while sitting on my back patio staring at the ocean enjoying the sunny 70 degree weather.  Jersey was like 35 degrees.

Then it was off to Rincon for round two.  Tide was a bit drained and the wind had gotten on it a bit.  It was still chest high plus and there were some real nuggets coming through the cove.  I had a few magical ones although tweaking my knee a bit in the process.  Kooky got the barrel of his life through the cove.  West had a good time as well.

Christmas dinner featured my acclaimed chicken parmigiana over gemelli pasta in my family’s old world marinara sauce.  We ate, we drank, we shared story.  Not once was there any disagreements, disappointment, or expectation.  It was just three friends sharing a meal and enjoying each others company.  If that is not what the true spirit of Christmas is all about I do not know what is. “It was the best Christmas Day ever”!  The night was a whole different ball game altogether.  Stay tuned for part III where things get just a little bit gnarly courtesy of tequila and Sancho Clause.  For in life even the best plans of mice and men shall go awry.

Christmas Tree Hair

This was our Christmas Cashier, trimmed and garland.  Sorry for the blur but I had to take it in secrecy all spy like.

Rock Stacking

One of my rock stacks made at Rincon on Christmas Eve

Rincon Christmas Day 2011

Christmas Morning at Rincon. mmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

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Something Old That Made Something New

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 6, 2011| 4 Comments »

Chris Lisanti is a mother fucking hoser.

This shot was taken around the same time period all of the footage your are about to watch was.

About two seasons ago, my last days as a pseudo professional surfer my good friend and photog Dave Molleck convinced me to start shooting video instead of pictures.  Now I have always hated myself on film and as a result spent the bulk of my life avoiding it.  After some friendly prodding I was sold on the idea and we began shooting some of my sessions.   Dave moved to New Port like anyone else you wants to make it in the US surf scene.  He went to try his chops as a photographer and shoot some guys who really could surf instead of kooks like me.

Since then he has had some shoots in the mags and on Surfline.com.  I actually ran into him at Trestles this summer (see blog Orange County Can Keep Lowers for that story).  It was good to see him.  I had all these discs with footage of me sitting in a junk draw in my bedroom dresser just collecting dust.  The DVD/CD drive in my computer fried about two years ago so I could not do anything with them, plus I am really lazy and was a bit scared to see how bad I looked.  My boy Ryan has been sleeping on my couch while attempting to get on his feet here in SB.

I was telling him about the footage and since he studied film and editing back in his SBCC days he said he would give it a look and edit it for me.  So here it is the first ever Chris Lisanti surf video.  Its five minutes of absolute spastic gnarl that only I could serve up.  Those of you who have seen me surf in person you know it is quite the experience, those who have not well your in for quite the eye full.  Most people don’t really know what to think the first time they see me surf.

Shoots I was with Adrienne for a year and half before she saw me surf a shitty day at Emma Wood.  shortly after she left me for another man.  What does that say for my surfing?  I think it takes a few watches to appreciate my brand of gnarliness.  Either way its good for stoke or a laugh or both.  Public humiliation is fun.  Told you I am an emotional Masochist.

The video is broken into two parts by a song change and black out.  Stick around for part two cause I get crazy in it.  Listen to the lyrics in the first song.  I think it is rather fitting for me.  Feed back in the comments is always welcome.  Remember when I was a grom my grommie nick name was “The Spaz”.  This vid should easily help you to understand why.

Dave and I about to go for a water session.

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Good Riddance: August Surfing In Review

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2011| 11 Comments »

Talk about one of the worst months of surfing I can remember in years.  August was positively atrocious for surfing here in Central California.  Up north was blown out all month.  Down south was blown out all month.  There was a serious lack of quality south swells and what meager scraps of bread we were garnished with came along with terrible winds.  Then I flew home to New Jersey to play some shows in the East Village, NYC (see A Trip Back East blog for more about that excursion) and stepped into a terrible flat spell there, just when California got a fun run of south surf.  Go figure.

Besides depravity there was not much more to report from the month of August.  Here is the break down.  If you have been following some of the previous months the numbers speak for themselves on just how pathetic this month in surfing was.  Also the Surf Log section of this site has taken a bit of a new direction.  I am now using it not just as a place to log in my surfing sessions but also as a little day to day  journal on some of the more major events, but too minor for their own blog that happen to me.  I update it just about everyday so it may be worth a look from time to time cause I write some funny fucked up shit in there.

Number of Sessions: 16
Days Surfed: 14
Time Spent in the Water: 25 hours
Waves Surfed: 400
Waves Caught Per Hour: 16

Spots Surfed:

New Jetty: 5
Emma Wood: 2
Santa Clara River Mouth: 2
Fruit Stands: 2
C Street: 1
Lead Better: 1
Hobsons: 1
Manasquan Inlet, NJ: 1
Philadelphia Ave, Sea Girt, NJ: 1
Top 3 Sessions:

3. 8/26/11 AM Session: 1-3+ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 1 hr 15min
Waves Surfed: 33
A small rise in wind swell had me scrambling down to Emma Wood for a little grovel session before work.  Far from spectacular it was about chest high and glassy although a bit weak and inconsistent.  There were only three people out and I was there so I went for a paddle.  For whatever reason I was surfing very well sticking all kinds of good shit including a backside air I rode out fakie, a frontside ally oop and nice backside reverse.  I even had one wave I managed to get three solid top to bottom reos ending it with a small backside air reverse in the shore break.  Then all these grommies came out and clogged it, but it was fine cause I had to go to work anyhow.

2. 8/8/11 AM Session: 2-3ft, Fruit Stands

Time In Water: 1hr 45mins
Waves Surfed: 44

Fruit Stands has been the out performer this season.  Although a tad bit smaller then the day before and slightly more windy there were still plenty of boostable bowls and some barrels.  I turned the place into an air show.  Oh and did I mention My boy Ryan and I had the place to ourselves yet again.  I love surfing.

3.  8/7/11  AM Session: 2-4+ft, Fruit Stands

Time In Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 35

Small drop in size, with a big drop in current, light wind and peaky little bowls up and down the beach led to an amazing session.  My new roommate decided to roll with me.  The whole line-up consisted of myself, him and my boy Ryan.   My Roommate way out of surf shape got swept down the beach by the usual current at Fruit Stands.  I found a killer peak all to myself, while my buddy sat a bit north of me and we just ripped the shit out of these fun waves.  It was like a fucking skate park.  Sooo Good.

This has nothing to do with surfing but then again neither did the month of August. I thought this to be an interesting form or birth control. Fuck them stalks and their stupid babies they try and push off on us.

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The Power of Ten: September

Posted in Life, Music, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2011| 4 Comments »

Well everyone this week marks the last week of the summer quarter of the UCB.  The 21st has come and gone and like summer so has this quarter.  I must say it has been a rather dicey one and I have no idea at the moment who will win.  Before I tally up the points and claim a champion I first want to write September’s Power of Ten Blog, worth two points and there will be one more UCB blog written this week that will also be included for the Summer quarter.  Mauriello wins this months power of ten and earns two UCB points.  Here is his list.

1.  Asian Girls  – I have never dated an Asian girl.  I think it is because I am politically incorrect and call them Orientals.  In all seriousness I rarely find one that turns me on.  It is funny too cause most guys I talk to are all about the tiny Asian chicas.  I guess it is the en-vogue thing right now.  I did meet a guy from Korea at the bar once who after watching the girl I was with disrespect me multiple times before going home with some other guy all together (Santa Barbara Girls just exude class) told me I should meet an Asian girl fresh off the boat and she would treat me right.  There is this cashier at Albertsons, whom I have been friends with for years.  She is Chinese and although not a real looker I bet she would make a good wife.  I mean she works like 60 hours a week so I know she has good work ethic.  I should propose to her.  I figure it can’t be any worse then the women I spend my time with these days.

2.  Aiming While Peeing – For starters I have the worst aim ever when it comes to hitting the bowl.  When I am sober I have a 50/50 chance.  When I am drunk those stats drop considerably.  What that means is I clean a ton of piss off my bathroom floor.  I find it astounding that I am so challenged at a seemingly futile task.  I mean I am only 5’9 and I have a gargantuan penis leaving not all that much distance to cover.  I tried to write my name in the snow once and just ended up pissing all over myself.

3.  Shaving – I know I wrote an entire blog about this back in like 2006.  If someone goes back to the myspace site and finds it I will give you two UCB points.  Post the blog in the comments of this blog.  Anyhow I hate shaving and am terrible at it.  Like that peeing thing its just not something I have a finesse for.  I cut myself every other time I shave and my face hurts like hell afterwards.  I have tried those electric razors, but I am Italian and it does not get close enough leaving me with a five O’clock shadow only a few hours later.  I used to rock a beard for a while but I got tired of the Jesus/homeless/terrorists gags.  Maybe I should get electrolysis for my entire face.

4. Micheal Jackson – I love Jack-o even if at times he was a little wack-o.  His music was tight and his eccentricities entertaining.  I am very sorry he died his untimely death yet it might have been better for him to leave a world in which he was misunderstood.  I still do not believe he molested any children.  Well maybe just the British children.  Then again not even George Washington saved them.

5.  Emma Wood – Emma Wood is a shitty beach/reef break in Northern Ventura County.  Its a bowly punchy wave that is glorified shore break at best.  That being said it has become the epicenter of high performance surfing in the (805) and on any given day a host of local pros, groms, up and comers, rippers and has beens will be out battling for shitty little peaks.  One thing for sure it is one of the more consistent waves in the area, handles most swell directions and a wave can be found there over 300 days a year.  Also its a great wave to shoot photos on thanks to it’s proximity to the beach and is one of the few spots around here where you can watch the action from your car while smoking a bowl and chugging a brew.

6.  Disney Movies – I have to say I am a not a fan at all.  Some of the older stuff from the sixties are not horrible but overall you can take that G rated family shit and shove it up your ass.  I will raise my children on mafia movies like Casino and Scarface.  No sense making them grow up in a fantasy world only to find out what a cold relentless place it is later.  If I had to pick one I would go with Aladdin.  Jasmine had a nice rack and I would have titty fucked the shit out of her, then bent her over the bed and got her from behind.

7.  Teaching Dogs Tricks –  As far as I am concerned outside of herding dogs, seeing eye dogs and bomb squad dogs they are more trouble then they are worth.  I don’t care if they roll over, play dead or shake my hand.  You want a real trick, shit in the toilet, do not chew up the furniture and don’t eat shit that will make you puke.  Those are tricks I would want my fictitious dog to learn.  Movie dogs are ok too for entertainment value.  While we are on the subject I hate when people dress up their dogs.  It really makes me mad.

8.  Surf Board Quivers –  Been there, done that, wrote that.

9. Ice Sculptures –  I had a friend who did ice sculptures for a living a few years back.  The guy was crazy talented at it.  I always thought it would be really frustrating to spend all that time on something you knew was going to melt in a few hours for some stupid party for unappreciative rich people.  I would rather turn that block of ice into a liquor luge and have a real good time.

10.  Forrest Gump – On one hand I find Forrest Gump to be a rather powerful yet some what far fetched film.  On the other I get really pissed off to think that a fucking retard could do some much more in his life then I ever will.  Fuck him, his box of chocolates and Lieutenant Dan.  Jenny was a babe.  Too bad she was all messed up in the head like ever other bitch out there to realize what a good man she had. Sorry folks I am a little bitter this week.

Tell me that is not a cartoon you would not be all over?

I will take a mail order Asian.

Jack-o you are missed.

Emma Wood, an oldie but a goodie.

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“A Heavy Abacus”, The Joy Formidable

Posted in Groovin' High, Music, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 14, 2011| 4 Comments »

Last night I got dragged out by a good friend and then some of mine to go see this random band The Joy Formidable at Soho.  The event was $15 to get in and I hate spending that money on a group I have never heard and most likely was going to suck.  I have been to a few other shows there just because friends were going and have mostly been left less then impressed.  This group is from Whales, UK and when I first saw them take the stage my initial thought was they were going to just be another generic indy rock band.

It was this cute little blond girl fronting the group on guitar and vocals, a bassist and a drummer.  Then  they began to play and I was captivated.  I really dug what they had going on.  The combination of chords and melody of their songs reached me.  Remember indy rock is not really my bag so it is saying a lot if I am giving the group props.  The lady was a decent guitarist as well.  My first instincts were rather sexist figuring to get nothing more then some ugly power chords and distortion out of her.

I was really Impressed, fifteen smackers well spent.  My bar tab from both there and the Wild Cat on the other hand, plus the subsequent hangover leading to the shittiest day at work ever I could have lived with out. Such is life when your a party person and a drunk.  Buoy for me!!!

This song is off their new album The Big Roar.  Its called A Heavy Abacus and was one of the songs they played last night.  If you like the tune, check em out.  I know I will be downloading some of their stuff very soon. Enjoy.

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Bathroom Revenge and Good Times

Posted in Blast From the Past, Blast from the Past: 2009, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on August 18, 2011| 4 Comments »

I wrote this blog back on March 2nd 2009.  At the time I was living in an unofficial fraternity that I had started to enable myself to live rent free.  My ex-wife whom I wrote about last night in Feeling Awkward and I had split up only  a few months prior and I was for all extensive purposes drinking myself to death. This was initially published as a segment I used to call “Week in Review”, which is the equivalent of “News from Lisanti Land” now.  Initially it was a two parter, but I do not have part 2 currently at my disposal so you will just have to wait for it or got searching for it yourself.  I will tell you what, if you do find part 2 and are the first person to post the link in the comments it is worth 3 extra UCB points!  As always anything in red is added hindsight for this blog.

Well this week was a pretty big blur of a 6 day party fiasco, a ridiculous amount of surfing, a ton of visitors from the east coast and way, way, way, too much gnarl.  So I know I said I was going to take it easy on the party scene, but this week was a special exception.  Monday was my boy Brennan’s Birthday, Tuesday was Mardi Gras, then Scott got into town Wednesday and we had to celebrate, Thursday two friends of Cory’s came into town from Pennsylvania, and then it was Friday and Saturday so of course I had to keep on cruising.  Plus Pixie Rixon came up from San Diego to party on Saturday.  Rather then going day by day I’m just going to grab the highlights from the week.

Monday, Feb 23rd, afternoon:  After surfing some of the worst Rincon ever I was pretty much over surfing for the day and headed over to J7’s work shop to fix some boards.  3 hours later Brennan calls me and says he would be super amped  if he could surf a session on his birthday.  I tried to dissuade the guy knowing it was going to be on shore, super low tide and tiny.  Never a man to truly stomp on stoke we ended up cruising to C-street.

We get there and its like knee to waist high and side shore, but no one was out and there were a few lips that looked worthy.  We get out there and I soon realized wearing a 3/2 was a bad choice, the water was freezing and you know that once I get cold I just sit there.  Then there were these two little grommies who were constantly paddling me up the point add up all the adversities and I was pretty much over it.  Brennan got on my case about the whole little kids surfing circles around me thing so I made an effort in the last 30 minutes to school the kids which I did thanks to a 3 foot backside air on a knee high wave.

I got out of the water and my stomach was all cramped up.  These are not your average cramps.  Nope, these are those dreaded explosive diarrhea cramps.  Now I was surfing at the top of C-street and it was low tide leaving me a good 100 yards of rocks to walk over and then another 300 yard dash to the bathroom.  I charged that shit. I don’t think I have ever hustled that fast for anything in my life.  I get in the bathroom, the dirtiest public bathroom probably in all of Ventura County and rip my suit off as fast as humanly possible.  Of course I wore  the new Body Glove Vapor front zip, a very warm and comfortable suit but a bit on the difficult side to take on and off.  Not the sponsor plug, yeah I did my job back when I was a professional surfer.

I managed to get my suit down to my knees just in the nick of time before pissing out my asshole for a solid 15 minutes.  I mean I have had some pretty gnarly diarrhea before but this was crazy.   Straight up nothing but liquid was squirting out my hole.  To make matters worse I was dripping wet and freezing contributing to making this one of the top 3 worst bathroom experiences of my life (shit maybe I will write a blog about that on one of the free days).  Back in the myspace.com days I used to poorly attempt to adhere to a daily blog schedule.  It failed miserably.  I mean look how well I keep up with the UCB and that was suppose to be every Thursday.

Barley surviving I cleaned myself up, pulled back on my cold wet wet suit only to do a sorry walk of shame all the way to bottom free lot just above the pier.  I felt so violated and disgusted by the whole experience.  I got back to the car to a very jubilant Brennan ready to jive the shit out of me.  If it were not his birthday he definitely would have made it onto one of my lists.

I got dressed thinking the whole ordeal was over only to find out 5 minutes later as we are pulling out of the parking lot that the same dreaded cramps hit me again.  I was like dude we have to stop or I’m going to blow the seat out of my pants.  Luckily we were right across from the Habit Burger on Ventura Ave.  I got in there just as this haggard ass homeless lady was walking out.  I open the door and the bathroom is a mess, shit all over the place.

Clenching my ass closed with all my strength I quickly brought the toilet up to a bare bones level of cleanliness for me to sit on the seat.  Once again I took another ass piss.  While I’m in complete digestive agony this Mexican guy keeps banging on the door.  Finally after the 5th  time I scream at the dude that I was in the middle of the worst diarrhea of my life and to get off my fucken case.  Dude backed off.  Finally I guess I must have shitted all that was left in my stomach cause I was good to go, but the whole night out I was in constant fear of the shits coming back with a vengeance.  Luckily for me the whole ordeal was left behind in Ventura.

On a side note this whore I was seeing at the time ended up going home with my boy Brennan. Her excuse “It was his birthday Chris, everyone should get laid on their birthday”.  Somehow that did not make me feel much better.  At least I sort of had a hand in getting my boy laid.

 Wednesday Feb 24th 9pm:  While pre-gaming to go to the bar Face manages to pound 8 beers in a matter of 45 minutes.  Drunk as shit Scott, my Swedish neighbors and I persuade him to table dive through the pyramid of empties he build on the coffee table.  He goes for it belly flopping flat on the table after which I proceeded to poor beer all over his head.  From there he put on his dirt bike helmet while Scott and I hit him over the head with these two broken surfboards that I was going to hang on the wall.  Needless to say he was even more fun at the bar where I’m pretty sure he managed to hit on and aggravate every girl there.   I think one girl even slapped him across the face.  It was classic.

 

 

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Fiesta 2011 Ole!

Posted in Anger, Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on August 10, 2011| 9 Comments »

Every year Santa Barbara throws a giant five day/night street party downtown for Fiesta.  It is basically our version of Mardi Gras, although we celebrate pretty hard for the real one in March too.  Ok, lets face it, Santa Barbara can celebrate a Wednesday hard.  It does not take much of an excuse to get this town made up of a majority of alcoholics to break it down.

Fiesta is the end all be all for the SB party scene.  A few years back there was this gang shooting down there.  I was trashed and just remember people stampeding past me screaming and yelling.  Then some cop tackled me screaming, “You have to get out of here its not safe”.  I was laughing the entire time.  There are some situations in life where being a bit faded works to one’s advantage or in my case a lot of bit faded.

After that year I took a few off from Fiesta.  During those years apparently there were stabbings and other gang related issues. Also ever since the shooting the town has stepped up they’re game having police everywhere.  The place looks like it is under marshal law.   It is definitely better then the alternative when the gangs used to always ruin everything.

First Night

This year being that my new roommate had never experienced a Fiesta before I felt it my personal duty to show the guy a fun time.  I had just got out of a three hour band rehearsal and for whatever reason felt like a night of heavy drinking.  I got home busted out the handle of rum in my freezer and emptied it.  Then on the walk down I stopped by JJ’s this ghetto ass liquor store and filled my pockets with eight little airplane bottles of Sailor Jerry’s.

I gave my Roommate, Nick, two and downed the rest through out the night.  By 11pm I was gone, so drunk.  I found myself stumbling around the Presidio, lost Nick, ran into my friend Ryan from OC and some other guys I used to roll with and was dragged into the beer Garden.  After that I have no recollection of anything else that happened.  I thought I was gone for 15 minutes, only later to be informed by Nick that I went missing for nearly two hours.  I find a good black out on occasion to be invigorating.

Saturday Night Lets have a Bar Fight!

 Nick wanted to roll out and try to meet up this chick he thought he could score with.  I had my doubts, but having nothing better to do I accompanied him downtown.  I had some friends at Dargan’s and figured I would just mossie over there.  State St. was packed full of people.  I can’t remember the last time I saw the place so busy.  Every club and bar was hopping.  Nick and I cruised around a bit before going our separate ways.

I went into Dargan’s only to find out that one of my friends swooped and was gone already and my remaining two were over it and going home.  They got me a drink in their haste to leave as a consolation prize, A Jack and Coke, c’mon people for an extra UCB half point: What is the official drink of Lisanti Land and for another half point what is my preferred brand?  First person to get the right answer in the comments wins.  Then I was about to leave myself when some random guy handed me a beer and said he had an extra one cause his bud split.  I am never one to look a free drink in the mouth, let alone two.

Dargan’s is an Irish pub and definitely not my scene, but on this night there was this crazy funk band playing.  The group was five pieces plus two horns, all black guys, so you know the shit was authentic.  I was super into it and after I finished my beer got down on the dance floor.  Nothing is better then a night of good music and dancing.

I was having a blast doing my dance thing when this huge black lady decides to get up in there with me.  Now I have no prejudice when I’m getting my groove on just as long as you can keep up.  All of a sudden this big black guy grabs her arm and says “Marla what you doin?!?”.  She yells “leave it be Leroy” turns and slaps him in the face.  I busted out laughing, which further exacerbated the situation causing Leroy to swing at me.

I ducked, although a bit intoxicated my wits were still about me.  The intended assault caught the Mexican dude dancing with his lady behind me right in the side of the face.  He was none to happy about this.  In retaliation he lunged at Leroy pushing me aside.  They went at it pretty hardcore.  One of Leroy’s buddies came to his aid and two other Mexican guys jumped in to help out their boy.

Next thing I know I was standing right smack in the middle of a good old fashioned bar room brawl.  People were screaming and running out the doors. Drinks were dropped, the band stopped playing and yelled for security, who could not get through the panicking crowd.  What was I doing through all this you ask?  Mostly laughing my head off and drinking whatever un-spilt cocktails that were jettisoned in everyone’s frantic sprint for the door.  I guess everyone expected another shooting.  A fight between Mexicans and blacks can only mean trouble after all.

It was hilarious.  I full on accidentally started a bar fight. Yet did not throw one punch or get hit.  Finally the cops came rushing in and arrested everyone involved.  Luckily by that point I had slinked off into the shadows and out of sight.  Security cleared the place. The band counted off and stuck another groove.  All was well. I jumped back on the floor and enjoyed the rest of my night.  The best thing was that I had just recently told Nick that I really wanted to get into a good old fashioned bar room brawl.  Check that one off the list! That my friends is how you step in shit and come out smelling like roses.  If you are going to get into a bar fight it might as well be in an Irish bar even if it involved two black guys, three Mexicans and one ridiculous Italian.  No Irish necessary.  Sounds like the whole ordeal could have been the punchline for some bad racist joke.

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A Sea Going Voyage: Part III; I Didn’t Expect That to Happen

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , on August 3, 2011| 6 Comments »

 If you missed Part I: Gearing Up or Part II: Quality Ocean Time click the links.

We motored around the corner from Smugglers Cove and passed about three random surf spots that Cit said were of little significance compared to where we were going.  I had to take his word for it being that I had never been there before.  All I knew was I wanted to hop off the boat and take advantage of some of the fun rights I saw.

Pulling up to the actual spot was as much invigorating as it was disheartening.  Here we were out in the middle of the ocean in one of the most remote places around and sure enough there were ten boats in the cove.  One was this half a million dollar yacht from Huntington Beach with about ten guys on it.  They had all the fixings, hot tub, big cabin, bbq, probably a nice galley with refrigeration, a shower, and lord knows what else.

Meanwhile we pulled up on our barely sea worthy sailing vessel with nothing more then a hot plate, a cooler and a couple of boards.  We were pirates as Cit put it and he was not pleased with the crowd situation.  The lineup was easily twenty five guys deep, everybody hassling and frustrated.  You could hear the jeers from the boat.

I decided to cook us breakfast, scrambled eggs and bacon.  Let me take a moment to describe exactly what cooking on a boat is all about, especially in the ghetto ass little galley I had to work with.  I had never cooked on a boat before and all I can say is that it is as challenging as it gets.  Imagine getting knocked around by waves and pushed in every direction while attempting to chop, sauté, boil and sear food.  How I managed to keep from getting burned or lacerated is beyond my comprehension.  Its funny because all the pots are designed to clip into the range so that you don’t have to worry about a pot of hot water or even worse hot oil bouncing off into your face.

I think I made some pretty decent meals considering what I had to work with.  It’s a ton of work.  I kept getting knocked over by waves and was on a constant battle with seasickness.  Cit was overall pumped on the quality of the meals and it’s always good to keep the captain happy.

After breakfast he jumped in and paddle over to the line up.  I hung back to finish my food and clean up the galley.  I sat there and watched as this perfect 6-8ft + A-frame came out of deep water hit the reef and just went perfectly in both directions.  The left was good for about three to four turns before ending up on dry reef.  The right was a perfect wall bowling around the reef with anywhere from four to eight hit sections depending on the wave.  It was not really a barrel but a perfect wall with just enough lip to get gnarly on.  Cit said you could not ask for a more rip able wave and I would have to agree with him.

According to Cit there was a landslide 200 years ago or something like that and it created this perfect reef pass.  He is not a geologist by any means, but he seemed to know his shit about the island.  If you looked at the way the place was laid out there was nothing but sheer cliff all around and then this small rocky beach with a perfect wave in front of it followed by more cliff.  There was enough evidence for me to accept his reasoning.  Truthfully I did not give a shit how it got there. All I cared was that it was there and I was about to rip the fuck out of it.

It sort of reminded me of Hammonds but with out the shifty lineup and a bonus killable left.  The crowd slowly began to thin out as the early morning crew slowly made their way in to eat their own breakfast, “the bacon effect” as Cit called it.  I jumped off the boat and the water was a surprisingly warm, 65 degrees.  Hurting from the previous night I took my time paddling over to the peak.  Cit was sitting way outside and not looking to mix it up with the pack yet I sat with him.  Then a set came in.  Cit went on the first one leaving me out the back and in perfect position for the second.  I turned and burned to the chagrin of everyone out there.  One dude even yelled “way to just paddle out and snag a set wave”.  Shoots I don’t know how he was going to get it anyway if I was in the perfect spot for it.

Right off the drop I did a huge vertical tail free reo, which I recovered backwards in the white water.  I thought I lost the wave but then bottomed turned right into the next section perfectly and banged out another three good turns.  After that wave I hung on the inside and scraped a ton of fun lefts and rights.   I stuck a nice front side air reverse landing nose pick only to spin around staring dry reef in the face.  I bailed and swam up to face to avoid taking the rocks head on.  Still I got worked pretty good on them and learned that urchins live on those rocks the hard way.  I calmed down a bit after that thinking it would not be a good idea to get injured that far away from proper medical attention.

I paddled back to the outside to focus on the sets, but I think the crowd was still rather salty that I snagged that set wave off them.  I got a really nice right super deep off the pack.  This Long boarder tried to paddle on me, but in the process created a perfect section.  I hit it, launched a nice clean three foot backside gap air, landed perfectly on the other side, coupled by a few good hits and finishing with an air reverse in the shore pound.  Upon paddling back out no one had shit to say to me any more about anything.  Instant respect.

We ended up surfing till round two when the wind came up.  A decision needed to be made on whether to hang around for the wind to go offshore and have an evening session or cruise to the Santa Barbara side of the island and go for a hike.  Cit had his heart set on the latter, I really did not care either way, almost wanted to just sail home so I could get back to the Barb.  The ruling was to go for the hike.

We docked in a place called little scorpions that was supposedly a safe anchorage.  Thanks to a sudden change in the wind it became hell on water.  I cooked us up Spaghetti and meatballs as a celebratory meal.  Exploring the island was a total trip.  Turns out there used to be a ranch settlement there in the early 1900’s and as a result the parks department has a chill little museum and old farming equipment set up.  The place really was amazing and I am very fortunate for the opportunity to get there.  On the way back to the beach to claim our skiff and paddle back to the boat we passed this random group of people hanging out.

“Hey, you guys want a cocktail?” a voice chimed.  Well you folks know that one does not have to ask me twice and I think Captain Intoxication who was already five beers deep and a glass of wine felt the same.  These people opened up a cooler that contained a properly stocked bar.  Then they busted out a bit of chronic as well.  At that point I had a feeling we were not getting off the beach.

Normally I’m not one to indulge super hard (ok that’s a lie), but as I looked at our boat getting rolled around in the distance I knew I needed all I could get in me if I was going to make it through the night.  The stars were stunning.  I had not seen a sky like that since my New Zealand days.  Our new friends were hired kayak guides who spend five days on the island, two days off.  In a way I almost envied them.

Cit and I decided to cruise as our wits gradually came back to us.  As we were walking away he tripped over a rock and fell flat on his back.  Some how he managed to miss hitting any rocks.  Good old fashioned drunken luck strikes again.  We sloppily attempted to push our dingy back out into the water through the by then dicey shore break.  In the process we ended up springing a leak in the bottom of the hull.  To get back to the sailboat it was a quarter of a mile row through what now had become some very rough seas.

This was all going down in a beat up five foot dingy.  A few minutes passed and I felt a tingling in my feet.  The first thought that came into my head was “man that was some really good ganja”.  Then Cit yelled, “We are talking on water”.  I looked down and sure enough I was in water up to my ankles and growing.  Luckily there was an empty milk carton in the dingy.  I ripped the top off and started bailing to literally save our lives.  Its shark water out there, the night was cold and we were drunk.  I am pretty sure if the dingy sunk I would have drowned.

The Gods were smiling on us that night cause we got to the boat with the skiff barely afloat.  Immediately we pulled it up on deck and gave it a quick epoxy, during which I passed out.  I awoke to Cit freaking out at around 3am as the boat was getting tossed back and forth by five foot seas.  It was too dark to set sail but way to uncomfortable to sleep.  The two of us sat there in the dark sick from the rocking and drinking, just waiting for the sun.

At 5am we set sail.  The wind was howling and it was a different kind of scene then the previous day’s.  It looked so angry, like a scene out of Hemmingway’s Old Man In the Sea.  The sky was dark gray, the sea a bellowing deep greenish blue.  There were white caps everywhere.  Once under way Cit handed me the till.  He was exhausted and very hung over.  Turns out he did not get any sleep that night.  I was feeling bad too, but Cit definitely needed a nap.

I grabbed the till and held a steady course.  I had to work it so that the boat rode up and down the swells evenly to keep as minimal water from splashing over the bow as possible.  At first it was daunting.  Then I got the hang of it and I was cruising.  It became quite salubrious out there in the wee hours of the morning.  There was not a boat in sight except a giant barge being pulled by a tugboat and visibility was limited.  I could see the island getting smaller behind me and the ominous gray horizon in front of me; my trust was in the accuracy of my compass to get us home.

We moved at a humdrum pace towards Santa Barbara, yet I was ok with it.  I was in need of some time to be alone with my thoughts.  That has sort of become a common theme for me these days.  I am not going to get into that now.  There will be plenty of time to come for Lisanti revelations. All I can say is I cherished every minute of “Quality ocean time” as Cit put it the very first moment we left the harbor.

After four hours I could make out the big while buildings of City College and knew our time away from the stain of man had come to a close.  Cit woke up, came on deck and we lowered the sails.  The sea went completely calm just a few miles from shore and we motored it back to port.  Just like that it was back to reality.  Its good to escape from life sometimes, I do it a bit more often then I probably should.  Its not like my life is real by any means.  Most people are like why do you need to escape?  Lisanti Land may be a fantasy for you my friends out there in internetville but for it is reality and every so often I need a break.

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