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Posts Tagged ‘Money’

I promised myself I would write something significant this week.  Then Kooky Kyle forgot to pay the the cable bill and the swines turned off my internet.  After a round about phone conversation with a very nice sounding operator named Mindy I found myself paying way too much money to keep my “high speed” connection going.  Here is a quick play by play on how that conversation went.  Remember while reading this that I AM AN ASSHOLE.

Me: I went to log onto my internet today and surprisingly it said I needed to call customer service.
Mindy: Let me check your account.  As it turns out you owe us $84 USD in unpaid bills.
Me:  Really, that is surprising cause I know I sent a check in last month.
Mindy: Well sir it looks like you only paid $75 of the $89 you owed us and then there was no payment for December so we turned you off.
Me: Well I guess that is one way to get my attention.  So Mindy why do you think I only paid $75. Is it because you think I am stupid and did not know how to read my bill correctly?
Mindy: No sir I am not calling you stupid.  Maybe you just misunderstood.
Me: MISUNDERSTOOD!!! Wait are you calling me a retard who cannot read a bill correctly (this is most likely true).  I feel completely insulted right now.  It is a good thing you caught me on a good day or I might have hung up the phone and proceeded to slit my wrists in my bath tub.  Do you really want my suicide on your head Mindy.
Mindy: Sir, no I did not insinuate you should kill yourself at all.
Me: Thats right you didn’t, I did.  You know I am actually a rather smart man.  It baffles me that you think I am dumb.
Mindy: Ummm, sorry sir, uh. So your internet will be back on anywhere from eight to forty eight hours.
Me: I think I need to talk your superior cause I feel rather slighted here.
Mindy: I will transfer you…..Click

The bitch hung up on me and I was too lazy to call back.  over $100 later I got my internet back.  Hooray for monopolies.  I thought my trust busting friend Roosevelt took care of such bullshit.  I guess not.  That is the problem with these utility companies they can do whatever they want cause they know they got you by the balls.  Just for that I have a bit of fun with their customer service representatives.  I am sure Mindy got a good laugh or cry out of our little conversation together.  I hope she did not decide to slit her wrists.

As I was saying I wanted to write about something significant, but after all that hassle I guess I am just back to writing about “money, hoes and rims again”.  Tell me where that is from and who says it in the comments for 1 extra UCB point!  Actually that is an oxymoron since I have no money, no hoes and my car does not have rims :(.  I guess that means I am just writing absolute gibberish as usual, but you are reading it.

I posted some quality shit in the December ’11 edition of the surflog.  There are five new action packed sessions if you want some thing to read.  This week I am going to write two UCB’s. At the moment I am not married to any topics put down so if you have something I would post it.  The power ten is also still up for grabs.  This month’s winner may come down to the power of ten.  Besides that I have some fun comical stuff to post, a new recipe, and maybe even another short story.  Don’t give up on me yet.  If anything blame Kooky, but then again maybe just blame Adrienne since we here in Lisanti Land have decided that all my problems and those of my friends in the last six months can be tied back to her in some way or another.  I know real adult.  Then again life is all about passing the buck.

Its not my fault. Never!

This guy must be a cable company executive. I bet he has money, hoes and rims.

The cable company is not going to get his guys balls...

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This week’s UCB makes a winner of John Mauriello with the topic “Money”.  Although I feel like this is one that has been covered before I have no concrete recollection of it making perfect grounds for a revisit.  He gets one point for his efforts.

I hate money with a passion.  Unfortunately it is one of the necessary evils for survival in this world.  I have seen it cause misery and wreak havoc in my own life and the lives of others.  Growing up I was obsessed with money.   I could not get enough of it.  I would do chores around the house, work all sorts of odd jobs.

Money was a way for me to get things that I wanted.  As a result I never properly learned how to manage my money either.  As a kid I spent it as fast as I had it and when I became an adult the same held true.  Then somewhere along the road I realized the money was just another shackle put on our ankles by society.  I learned how to live on as little as possible and get as much as possible out of it.

Now I look at money purely as a means of survival.  Sure I have dreams about being a baler, wearing expensive cloths, driving luxury cars and having a house on the hill.  I don’t think I know to many people who don’t.  These days my ideas of money have become a bit more realistic and my goals concerning it as well.  Now I only shoot for obtaining as much money as it takes to live comfortably and not have to always worry about getting my bills paid.

I have learned to live within my means to some extent not that it is an easy feat here in Santa Barbara where the cost of living exceeds the mean salary by triple.  I guess that is the price we pay to live in paradise and I would not have it any other way.

My biggest problem with money is how it is used as a method to value people.  Look at minimum wage for example.  Is anyone person really only worth $7.25 an hour?  I sure hope not, but that is what one must degrade himself to in order to survive.  It was not long ago I had an audition for a grill position at a restaurant here in town.  The owner was impressed with my skills and offered me the job but only wanted to pay me $10 for it.

I valued my skills a little higher then that wage and by accepting such degrading of a wage I would have devalued the position and the profession of a cook.  The fact of the matter is it is a skilled job needed to be worked by a skilled individual who should be worth a little more then I got paid to sit on my ass at the gas station doing monkey work.

That is how America and capitalism work.  The person in advantage can take advantage and the person at a disadvantage must accept his fate.  I hate money.  I hate what it does to us.  I hate that it has become the only motivating force in our society.  Instead of an individual striving to the best he or she can possibly accomplish the only concern is how much am I going to get paid for it.

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This is one of those bittersweet tales that usually plague my life and I guess life in general. Usually I get the bitter end of the tale. The story I am about to convey is one of the rare occasions where I found mostly sweetness, although there was a bit of sour in it, as you will read.  So sit back and enjoy a tale of yet another night at Wild Cat where anything can happen.

I woke this morning exhausted with a bit of a head headache, damn tequila shots.  One thing was for sure I was not ready to put on my coat and slave in front of a hot grill for eight hours, but tis the life of a lowly cook.  Adding injury to insult the damn cats, probably Alfie in an attempt to get Mustafa to leave him alone flipped the litter box over and scattered dirty cat litter all over the bathroom floor.  And strangely next to it was my friend Devin’s wet boxers and socks, while he was passed out apparently butt naked on my fold out couch?!!!?

Of course this is what I should be greeted with hung over and with barely fifteen minutes to get to work, which I had already anticipated being late for.  I cleaned it up as best I could in the time allotted and went to work, half way there I burst out laughing.  Something hit me as I was passing State St. on the 101. I remembered that I found $100 dollars out side of Wild Cat the previous night.

That’s right One Hundred Fucking Smackers, A C NOTE!!!!!!  The funny thing was I did not even want to go out.  I was exhausted and kind of thinking about snagging the incoming tide at Sand Bar or Hammonds before work, but a very persuasive Devin (ok all he did was call me to see if we were going out) talked me into it.  We got out late as usual and as a result had to wait on line.  I hate waiting on line to go to a dump that I have been drinking at for years just because it some how has become the it place downtown.

We were standing there talking to this odd looking possibly Mexican or some type of Latin chick and here short fat stubby little friend, who was out for her 22nd birthday.  Fatty was suppose to be a make up artist by trade.  She must work for the circus because with the way she did herself up she looked like a fucking clown.  I had to keep pinching my thighs in my pants pockets to keep from bursting out laughing.  Devin was trying to work the other one.  Over it I started spacing out looking down at the ground.

I noticed a crumpled up piece of paper that looked like a bill of some denomination.  Not drawing any attention to myself I stepped on it with my foot and dragged it over to me.  I looked to see if anyone was looking around to which no body was and then nonchalantly bent down in a vain attempt to tie my lace less loafers, picked up the bill and stealthily put it in my pocket.  I mean whoever lost that cash was obviously wasted and a lot better off then me financially if he is going out with hundreds in his pocket.  If someone at that moment started claiming the lost the money I would have certainly handed it over, but Im sure the unfortunate soul was already in the club and too drunk or stupid to notice.

Devin and I got in the club for a $7 cover thanks a lot Amber for pretending to not remember me you bitch (Amber is the cover charge girl/cocktail waitress at Wild Cat.  My old roommate and good buddy Brennan had a thing for her and would always buy drinks from her in search of an opening to ask her out.  But its hard to pick up bar staff cause they are constantly being hit on and accosted by creeps so their guard is always up, but picking up bar staff and Brennan’s brief and fruitless Amber infatuation are entire blogs by themselves and not to be covered here.).  Once inside I reach into my pocket to see what I found and low and behold in my hand was a $100 bill.  Well it was right up to the bar for us.

You see there is something about standing at the bare waving a 100 in the air that gets the bar tenders attention.  Most nights it takes a few minutes for me to get drinks, but not this night.  She came right up when she saw I was with Ben Franklin.  Then it was Patron shots and mixed drinks for us, and a healthy tip for her as well.  After all it was not my money, easy come easy go.  The rest of the night was pretty uneventful I played a few games of pool with some random forty year old guy, but we were missing both the nine ball and the que ball while Devin was off doing his own thing since I could not find him for that duration.

Then I dance floored it where Devin and I reunited till last call.  It was the only night I went downtown with ten dollars in my pocket and came home with over seventy.  To who ever lost that money it could not have gotten in the hands of a more appreciative party.  Better luck next time bud.

Chit ching!

Benjamin Franklin

Me and my boy Benny F conferring.

I wounder if this guy found all those bills on the Wild Cat Line too?

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