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Archive for April, 2011

Kooky Kyle’s Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 8, 2011| 7 Comments »

Since it is the end of the winter quarter of the UCB and although I cant officially claim a winner yet I have to assume that Kooky took the win once again (look for the winners circle blog by the end of the weekend).  If one was to read the actual rules and regulations of the UCB they would have noticed that whomever takes the year title also wins a “Self expense paid vacation to Santa Barbara California to spend a week in Lisanti land living the blogs instead of just reading them.  You get to buy your own plane ticket, sleep on my couch, get burned by me at Rincon and have at least one crazy night at the Wild Cat”.

Kooky won for the year and finally after two botched attempts to get here courtesy of our great friends and masters of incompetence over at the airlines made it this past March.    Im not going to lie at first I was a bit apprehensive about Kooky coming to visit.  I never really considered the guy a good friend, but more of a friend of a friend being that he was John Mauriello’s best friend.  After he screwed me out of an all expense paid trip of a lifetime to Costa Rica with my millionaire Russian friend Vladimir I was a little angry at the guy (he has since more then atoned for his sins).

Rules are rules and he has shown more commitment to SurfingRuinedMyLife.net then I have and its my blog.  I could not deny the guy.  This year has been a tricky one for surf here in Santa Barbara being a La Nina year (well I think the scientists have agreed on that now that year is just about done.  I will have to check with Sindia for expert advice on that one.)  Between hit and run NW’s, crazy weather and tsunami’s who knew what to expect for the kid.

As luck would have it he was rewarded with the most consistent week of waves we have had all season and it was WNW swell allowing for him to score plenty of great Rincon and the crown jewels of Santa Barbara El Capitan and Sand Spit.  I have had friends who have been visiting me for years out here yet to surf either.  Heck Im lucky if I get to surf El Capitan once a year and Sand Spit more then a handful.

One thing I have to say while on the subject of surfing is that I was very impressed with Kooky’s surfing ability.  Part of the reason for his nickname was due to his lack of surfing prowess.  One of my biggest fears was that the poor kid was going to get his ass handed to him at the majority of the spots here.  He found plenty of good ones and held his own even at the most crowded El Capitan I have ever seen and Sand Bar, which is one of the most competitive lineups out here.  Kooky kudos to you.

Kooky Kyle is one useful motherfucker.  The kid is like a walking encyclopedia.  I don’t think there is a single topic out there the guy is not familiar if not all knowing.  Any time I had to get something accomplished he usually had the answer.  Apparently he is a master at survival too.  So if I ever am going to be marooned on an Island “Lord of the Flies” style I would definitely hope Kooky gets stranded with me.  The dude makes his own arrowheads.  He was also a very helpful set of hands in the kitchen minus his slow ass water conserving dishwashing technique.

He even got to experience a UCB all stars weekend here in SB when Brennan and Mauriello drove down from San Francisco his first night in town.  We all went out for a wild night downtown or in other words the Wild Cat.  Unfortunately I think someone must have slipped something in my drink and I got very sick throwing up all night and well into the next day.  At one point I told Ades that she may have to take me to the hospital.  I survived in the end.

In the midst of all the confusion poor Kooky got lost on the streets of Santa Barbara drunk.  Somehow he meandered his way up to Albertson’s, a grocery store about six to eight blocks from my apartment.  I guess it would not be a true Chris Lisanti downtown experience if someone did not get sick and someone did not get lost.  At least this time no one got arrested or lost any teeth.

All in all I think Kooky had a pretty awesome trip.  I know I had a great time and Im sorry for all the bad things I have said about the kid over the years.  I am definitely proud to call Kooky Kyle a true friend any time and will always have his back.  So there you have it win the UCB for the year (tally of who takes the most quarters) and you too can come out here to Lisanti Land for a self-expense paid adventure.   I had Kooky write up a little blog of his own on his take of his adventure tour.  I have not read it yet so that it would not affect my partiality when I wrote this blog.  Stay tuned for that soon…

Two crazy guys having a crazy time.

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There is Something About Shuttle Cocks

Posted in User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , on April 3, 2011| 5 Comments »

Double Points Baby!!!!!! Thats right John Mauriello scores the Double Points UCB Blog for the Winter Quarter.  I was just about to pass over yet another double points opportunity when he posted the suggestion “Badminton”.  Now this may seem strange to some of you who dont know me well and being this is a pseudo surfing blog.  Let me just state for the record that I am the mother fucking man at Badminton.

What is this game you ask.   Well it was invented by the good old Brits back in the 17th century.  Basic gist of the game is that two or four players (either one on one or two on two) hit a shuttle cock (a feathered ball like thing) with racquets over a net a bit shorter then that used for volley ball.  If it falls on the opposing team’s side and hits the ground a point is awarded to team who hit the shuttle cock.  Its sort of a combination of both tennis and volley ball.

I love this game and probably should have  pursued a career as a pro badminton player instead of a pro surfer, although I dont think I would have gotten laid as much.  You never know though, those Euro chicks are into some pretty strange things and Im sure the game is huge over in Japan.  Badminton is in the Olympics so I could have at any rate maybe gotten on the front of a Wheaties box if I medaled in it.

Forced into the game at the young age of eight by mother, I just assume I was around eight I have been playing the game for so long I cant remember when I started.    My mom was all about Badminton and since we had a volley ball court in our back yard every summer she would have me out there a number of times a week hitting around the birdie (another name for the shuttle cock).  Of course nothing with my mother could ever just be fun.  As a youngster I was a bit of a rebel rouser and was constantly hitting the shuttle in all directions wildly making the game less then stellar for my mother.

She began to drill me on it till I became rather proficient and over time surpassing her abilities by a landslide.  Just imagine playing a game every summer from when you were eight till twenty.  With that kind of repetition its hard not to get good.  Lets fast forward to 9th grade gym class.  When I entered high school I was given the choice of three different gym classes.  One was full of team sports like baseball, basketball, and soccer.  Another was called personal conditioning and involved nothing but working out.  The last had an array of other more obscure sports one of which being badminton.

As soon as I saw that on the list I signed up. Turns out the physical education class I choose appealed to a 99% female demographic.  The only other male in the class was this black gay kid, I mean he was hands down a flamer of gargantuan proportions.  I endured a ton of bull shit in that class, but when we got to the badminton unit it was on.  I kicked ass and took names ultimately being named class champion of that year.  I even schooled the best player from the other high school in the district.

When I moved to Jersey badminton was part of the regular curriculum allowing me play one quarter every year.  I ended up cleaning up there as well taking class champion sophomore, junior and senior year.  The only guy who could even come close to a rival was actually my good friend Jay.  Later on we would have a falling out after he attempted to sell my ass out to the cops for some bullshit we sort of got caught up in senior year.  It was total kid shit that became real serious real fast.  Im not about to get into the details here on the internet, bottom line is he should have left my name out of his mouth all together and it did net him shit in the end anyhow.  After which I completely washed my hands of the dude.

Senior year he gave me a run for my money.  The champion game was a set of five and it came down to game five.  In Badminton you play to 21 but you have to win by two points.  I think we ended up playing till like 33 or something absurd like that.  When  I made that point I was so stoked I ended up smashing my racquet on the gymnasium floor breaking it to pieces.   My victory was rewarded with detention and the costs of a new racquet.  Jay and I teamed up for doubles and went undefeated all the way to the championship.

That pretty much ended my competitive badminton career.   I guess I could have pursued it on a collegiate level but at the time I was more interested in going to school for music.  Now Im probably to old and have already missed my Olympic window.  It looks like I will have to file badminton like so many other entities in my life under could have been but never really was.   My Olympic medal hopes are not all extinguished.  I still have time to perfect curling for the winter games.

Here is a video demonstrating some expert badminton playing:

Even black people in wheel chairs can enjoy this game!

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Its All In My Head

Posted in User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , on April 2, 2011| 8 Comments »

It all comes down to the wire.  Not really I guess in truth the UCB technically ended as of April 1st which was yesterday, but since its my blog and my rules I dont really give a shit.  At SurfingRuinedMyLife.net I do whatever the fuck I want.  I wish I could say the same for my life.  I think at one point I lived like that.  These days though I find myself conforming to the machine more and more everyday.  That is an entirely different blog all together.  What the fuck am I talking about?  The last UCB of the winter quarter of course.

Its been a great quarter and a close race.  Kooky Kyle snags the last official blog of the winter quarter.  A long time ago way back “when I had the red and black lumber jack with the hat to match” (where are those fun lyrics from,  first person to post it in the comments gets an extra half point for the quarter) at the beginning of the quarter I threw down a challenge in Groovin’ High to ask a UCB about my mental check list.  At the time no one ever bothered to look at that page and I actually updated it regularly.  I assumed no one would ever get it.  They say when you “Assume you make an ass of me and an ass of you”  (first person to name the television show this quote was first used on will also receive a bonus half point).

Who ended up getting it?  None other then the UCB King himself Kooky Kyle.  I never wrote the blog out of spite most likely, but all jokes aside it really is a good topic and one I feel is worth covering.  After all this blog is about me and its hard to truly understand how Chris Lisanti ticks with out an explanation of my mental check list.

I dont really know the origin of it.   The list may have started in the womb for all I know.  Priority one get the fuck out of this place.  Basically what my mental check list is, is a list of things I have to get done in some length of time.  I know that sounds rather vague and confusing.  It gets worse.  Out of this list I have both a long list, a short list and a mandatory list depending on the period of time.  For example, my eventual move to New Zealand and getting my sheep farm is on the long term list.

Organized people write these types of things down in planners or on calenders or other entities of this type.  I however have it all floating around my head with fictitious dead lines that are constantly not being met.  First priority is the mandatory list, which are the items that need getting done for my life to keep on its present course.  These have actual physical dead lines that have to be met.  They are things like paying my rent, showing up to work, my class work, bills etc.  I hate these because I am tied down by actual dead lines meaning it will probaly get there late and I will face some kind adversity as a result, which will ultimately be a pain in my ass and make me angry.  We all know Im not a fun person to be around when Im angry.

The next level is the short  list, which are items that need to get done in a certain amount of time but the period is more vague or an extended period of time.  This includes all sorts of fun things.  The Coffe Table Saga is a perfect example.  That thing has been on the list for almost over a year now.   My herb garden is on this list, all sorts of little chores that need doing around the house are on the list.  Getting a hair cut has been on the list since the fall when I got my last hair cut.  I may have to move that one up to a higher priority before I look even more ridiculous then I do already.  Designing SurfingRuinedMyLife.net was on this list for like three years before it actually got done.  Bottom line if an item gets on this list it will get done, but the real question is not if, but when…..

The list is a bit crazy and drives some of the people in my life batty.  I know Sindia hated the mental check list back when we were together.  I think Ade’s has just at this point learned to live with it.   My Dad thinks Im a moron as a result of the list on most occasions but he too has learned how to work with in the system to help me not sink in matters in life like my taxes, finances and other legal matters.  I think if not for the wisdom of how the real world works from my father I would be either, dead, on the street or in jail.  Your the man Dad, dont ever die or I will be lost.

So that is a brief (yea if you call a 1000 words brief!) idea of the list.  Now Im not expecting any of you to understand or even be able to grasp it.  Shit I have no idea how to get my arms around it and it belongs to me.  I just thought it would be fun to let everyone a little deeper into the retardation of Lisanti Land and why it is so utterly dysfunctional.

There will be no UCB this week being the break week between the quarters.  The Spring quarter will begin with first blog to be written somewhere around April 14th.  Look for the winners blog in place of the UCB this week.   I cant really say who it is although if I had to wager my money is on Kooky, but one thing is for sure it is a close one this quarter.

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