Surfing Ruined My Life

Double Points Baby!!!!!! Thats right John Mauriello scores the Double Points UCB Blog for the Winter Quarter.  I was just about to pass over yet another double points opportunity when he posted the suggestion “Badminton”.  Now this may seem strange to some of you who dont know me well and being this is a pseudo surfing blog.  Let me just state for the record that I am the mother fucking man at Badminton.

What is this game you ask.   Well it was invented by the good old Brits back in the 17th century.  Basic gist of the game is that two or four players (either one on one or two on two) hit a shuttle cock (a feathered ball like thing) with racquets over a net a bit shorter then that used for volley ball.  If it falls on the opposing team’s side and hits the ground a point is awarded to team who hit the shuttle cock.  Its sort of a combination of both tennis and volley ball.

I love this game and probably should have  pursued a career as a pro badminton player instead of a pro surfer, although I dont think I would have gotten laid as much.  You never know though, those Euro chicks are into some pretty strange things and Im sure the game is huge over in Japan.  Badminton is in the Olympics so I could have at any rate maybe gotten on the front of a Wheaties box if I medaled in it.

Forced into the game at the young age of eight by mother, I just assume I was around eight I have been playing the game for so long I cant remember when I started.    My mom was all about Badminton and since we had a volley ball court in our back yard every summer she would have me out there a number of times a week hitting around the birdie (another name for the shuttle cock).  Of course nothing with my mother could ever just be fun.  As a youngster I was a bit of a rebel rouser and was constantly hitting the shuttle in all directions wildly making the game less then stellar for my mother.

She began to drill me on it till I became rather proficient and over time surpassing her abilities by a landslide.  Just imagine playing a game every summer from when you were eight till twenty.  With that kind of repetition its hard not to get good.  Lets fast forward to 9th grade gym class.  When I entered high school I was given the choice of three different gym classes.  One was full of team sports like baseball, basketball, and soccer.  Another was called personal conditioning and involved nothing but working out.  The last had an array of other more obscure sports one of which being badminton.

As soon as I saw that on the list I signed up. Turns out the physical education class I choose appealed to a 99% female demographic.  The only other male in the class was this black gay kid, I mean he was hands down a flamer of gargantuan proportions.  I endured a ton of bull shit in that class, but when we got to the badminton unit it was on.  I kicked ass and took names ultimately being named class champion of that year.  I even schooled the best player from the other high school in the district.

When I moved to Jersey badminton was part of the regular curriculum allowing me play one quarter every year.  I ended up cleaning up there as well taking class champion sophomore, junior and senior year.  The only guy who could even come close to a rival was actually my good friend Jay.  Later on we would have a falling out after he attempted to sell my ass out to the cops for some bullshit we sort of got caught up in senior year.  It was total kid shit that became real serious real fast.  Im not about to get into the details here on the internet, bottom line is he should have left my name out of his mouth all together and it did net him shit in the end anyhow.  After which I completely washed my hands of the dude.

Senior year he gave me a run for my money.  The champion game was a set of five and it came down to game five.  In Badminton you play to 21 but you have to win by two points.  I think we ended up playing till like 33 or something absurd like that.  When  I made that point I was so stoked I ended up smashing my racquet on the gymnasium floor breaking it to pieces.   My victory was rewarded with detention and the costs of a new racquet.  Jay and I teamed up for doubles and went undefeated all the way to the championship.

That pretty much ended my competitive badminton career.   I guess I could have pursued it on a collegiate level but at the time I was more interested in going to school for music.  Now Im probably to old and have already missed my Olympic window.  It looks like I will have to file badminton like so many other entities in my life under could have been but never really was.   My Olympic medal hopes are not all extinguished.  I still have time to perfect curling for the winter games.

Here is a video demonstrating some expert badminton playing:

Even black people in wheel chairs can enjoy this game!