Life is just better in the barrel. This is a very old shot, but a great one.
“Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!” I screamed as I cruised through a solid over head draining barrel coming out dry hair. It was one of the many I had gotten. My buddy Brennan shouted back watching the whole thing go down from the bank he was sitting on. I came off the back shook the water off my hair and paddled over to Brennan. “Its all time out here man” I said. “I knew you were going to say something like that” he replied smiling. “You know Brennan for me I would take a day of surfing like this over a night of sex with the hottest woman in the world” as I laughed in naivete jubilee.
Brennan opened his mouth to say something but before he could I was already paddling down the beach positioning for my next wave another kegger followed by a giant full rotation frontside ally-oop stuck cleanly to the gaping mouths of the two kids surfing the peak adjacent. Everyone had this shit eating grin on their faces out there. Why shouldn’t we? After all it was solid 4-6+ft clean, hucking tubes and only six of us out there sharing eight different perfect peaks.
It was after 12pm too which made no sense at all because the River Mouth always blows out by 10. My boys Brennan and Christian decided last minute to high tail it down to the Barb from SF for a stag romp chuck full of Lisanity and they definitely got what they bargained for. We went to some janky Montecito garage sale where I scored a pair of binoculars and a copy of Camus’ The Stranger, one of my favorite short stories, and a vintage 1960’s California surf guide for 11 dollars. Brennan picked up this crazy shirt with people dancing on it. Christian scored some multi use pocket tool he kept bragging about.
Prior to that we had a good old fun night of drunken debauchery at the Wild Cat upon their arrival. At that moment sitting there in the line up thanking the stars for allowing me to have such a great session nothing else mattered. My mind was clear and all I could think about was my next wave and how much fun I was having. How much fun everyone was having. Surfing can be such a drag with bad conditions, excessive crowds etc, so much that it begins to cloud the reason why you do it in the first place. Then a session like this happens and everyone out there is super stoked hooting and hollering like groms again.
I did not know anyone out there with me besides Brennan and I was as stoked to watch the other guys get amazing rides as much as getting them myself. Everyone was just laughing and talking and having a gay old time. Add a crowd of around 60 guys and less then stellar conditions and it would have been a totally different story. Instead of stoked on one another we would have been grumbling, giving dirty looks, trying to be intimidating all because that guy sitting next to you, your brother may get the next set wave you had been waiting for the last half hour.
Unfortunately in our highly urbanized population sprawled southern California society the latter and not the former is the case more times then not. It begins to wear you down. I am not going to lie the world around me, “the real world” not Lisanti Land has been starting to take a serious toll on my psyche as of late. Things didn’t work out at my new job. My roommate Danny whom I really was starting to be very pleased with living here let me know he is moving. My finances are in less then great shape as well at the moment. Even my tireless quest to find love again has all amounted to more stress then I ever like to have.
By the weekend I was worn down. I had not had a fun surf in nearly a week either which did not help things any. Already in great spirits thanks to the arrival of my friends the surf was just the icing on the cake. It was an amazing beach day as well. It almost never happens that the wind, weather and waves all work together to create a perfect day. I know surfing is all about the waves and conditions but there is something about surfing when the sun is out and people are enjoying the beach that just feels so right.
We were lucky to sneak in about two solid hours of surfing till the wind finally came up and trashed it. I was fine with that cause I had gotten way more then I could have ever expected or hoped for. That is one of the finer things in life, when you are thrown a brief lull in the midst of a terrible storm. I could not have asked for anything more this weekend then to spend it with some of my better friends enjoying every moment. After the surf we got food at my favorite Thai place in Santa Barbara. “Your Place”.
I was pleased since I almost never get to enjoy a meal out anymore. I think the last time I ate at “Your Place” was with Kooky back in March. From there it was home for a little R&R before gaming up for another romp on the town. It was another night that did not disappoint. We talked to some ladies, did some dancing, Brennan found and lost the girl of his dreams. I ran into my old friend Britters who was in town for a wedding and she was always one of my favorite gals to party with back in the day. It was almost like a reunion of sorts for all of us remembering a time a few years ago when our lives were a bit more simple.
Things are constantly moving forward at at such a rapid pace that we lose sight of where we are going and even forget where we have been. Every so often I like to stop and have a look back. I think its hard to remember the direction we are trying to go with out taking a look at where we have been.
In the land of the right there exists at least one goofy foot’s last stand.
This week’s UCB makes a winner out of Mauriello taking a break from giving out lessons in good morals and instead throwing down good UCB topics. He asked I write about a certain little wave that both of us have a spot for in our heart. A surfing spot like none other. One that has teeth, one that has its own certain charm of gnarl in and out of the water, a surfers surf spot, Santa Clara River Mouth in Ventura California. I have decided the best way to explain this place is by giving you a run down of an average summer morning for me.
Summertime
An fun looking morning at the River Mouth
River Mouth (that is what the locals call the break) is located about a 45 minute drive south of my home here in Santa Barbara. On a nautical map it exists a few feet below sea level and sticks out a bit further then most beaches in the area allowing it to pull in swell from all angles and then amplify its intensity thanks to the bottom. In the Late Spring, Summertime and early fall River Mouth goes off courtesy of south swells that sweep down the beach and usually barrel. Even if its not hallow the waves still throw out like a mother fucker. On just the right swell angle the place can almost break like a pseudo left hand point break.
In the summer I have to get up pretty early if I want to score the place without wind. Although Ventura Harbor, where the River Mouth is located is a swell magnet its also a wind magnet. Usually by 10 am the wind will get on it and by noon the surf is completely blown out. River Mouth is not one of those waves that you can surf when its windy. Most of time it gets so messed up getting a ride is impossible.
My first alarm goes off at around 6am. I like to call this alarm my ambitious alarm. It was the time I used be to stoked to get up and surf at when I was really fit and living the surfing lifestyle. These days I hit the fuck you button usually because I am fighting off a hangover from the night before. The next alarm goes off at 7am, but usually I field at least two calls from creditors before who I owe money to since my pro surfing career went up in smoke back in 2008. I mean seriously who would extend a $10,000 credit line to a guy who barely made $20,000 a year? I think if your that stupid you get what is coming to you. My credit rating is fucked for life at this point anyway so I say suck it. Thanks for the wake up call though.
At seven I poke my head out of the covers, but summertime is also fog season meaning more days then not its all grey, damp, cold and nasty out. This makes getting out of bed rather difficult. Usually I crawl back under the covers for a spell till Alfie decides he wants breakfast and is all over me meowing, clawing my face, licking my face, basically letting me know if I don’t get up and feed his ass soon I am going to be his breakfast. Not wanting to be eaten I usually comply by 7:30 unless I’m really hung over and then its every man and beast for themselves. If I am really hung over it means I drank enough to kill most human beings and I feel so sick that I hope Alfie will eat me alive.
By eight I am finally out of bed. I pull out my computer and check the buoy readings to see what the day is going to have in store for me. Driving to River Mouth costs me around $10 in gas round trip so I like to make sure I am actually going to be able to surf. I am not going to give away the readings I look for cause it took me years to figure that out and it is something that has to be earned. If things look appealing to me. I pack my board, suit, booties, fill up my water bottle, grab a banana, brush my teeth then cruise. Usually I hit my boy Ryan up to let him know I am coming if he has yet to get me a surf report.
On the way down I let my ipod shuffle take over. I skip all the slow tunes only stopping at pump up music. As I am coming up the hill past Sharks Cove in Montecito I do the look back of death. Ofcourse it’s flat. It is summertime and there is no way there is enough north west to break the place. It is one of my favorite waves so I can’t help but pretend just for a moment that it could be going off. As I drive by Summerland I check the beachie down there and although too small to surf it is a good indicator of the swell angle. If things look good there I may pick up the pace.
Then when I get to Carpinteria Santa Clause Lane becomes my next indicator. This is more or less for both wind and swell size. If its at least knee high there I know River Mouth will have chest high sets. If things look good there I pick up the pace even harder. By this point I am cruising at 80mph weaving in and out of traffic pretending I am in the movie “Ronin” most likely singing at the top of my lungs to whatever music I am blaring. I have the heat blaring as well cause I hate to be cold before a surf. It just puts a damper on the whole thing.
Nothing like brown water to make you feel safe and healthy and remind me of home.
At this point my boy Ryan has most likely gotten back to me on what’s up. His intel is very important cause I have to make a decision once I am past Rincon and La Conchita if I should exit at Sea Cliffs and go surf Emma Wood or continue on to River Mouth. Rincon and La Conchita are also good indicators as well. By this point I start getting sleepy and have to pinch myself, pull leg hair, pluck eye brows, whatever it takes to not fall asleep behind the wheel ending up flipped in a ditch somewhere.
Rincon can be a good indicator too if the left up top is breaking. From there I drive past Stanley’s, Hobsons, Trailers, Father John’s and Pitas. There are usually terrible little waves along all these spots that come winter can be all time. Pitas actually does get south swell it just does not break well on them. From there I pass the palm tree nursery before getting sight of both the Gold Coast and Emma Wood. This is the moment of truth right here. If there are waves at Gold Coast then there are definitely waves at River Mouth.
I drive past Emma Wood and laugh at the near thirty guy crowd. South of Emma is Ventura Campgrounds or the top of the point at Cstreet. Depending on how this spot looks I can pretty much tell with absolute certainty if I am going to score. I always make sure to flip off Cstreet on the way by cause I hate that wave. I get through the town of Ventura and the stub jetties of the state beaches and Pierpont come into view and always entice me with their siren song of waves that always look good from far but are far from good.
Finally I exit off the 101 and work my way to the Harbor at this point whatever direction those flags are blowing will make or break my morning. If they are slack then its going to be glassy. Usually they are blowing north west. I pull into the Harbor and drive north toward the dunes. I park in front of the highest dunes that are located halfway between New Jetty and the Surfers Knoll. From up there I can see all the breaks of Ventura harbor and decide where I want to surf.
My surf check dune.
This dune and I have developed a very personal relationship over the years. It has seen me jump for joy, cower in fear, vomit from the night before, drop to my knees and cry back when Adrienne and I first broke up. I have taken many of pisses up there. There is five years worth of decomposing banana peels up there because I eat my banana while checking the surf. I have thrown a few angry tantrums up there. Like I said its my dune. I once whipped Mauriello really hard with a long dune grass vine and got all mad about it. In consolation I whipped myself just as hard and he was right it hurt like hell. I think we both had welts from the whipping for a week or so.
This mornings banana discard.
Looking North you have New Jetty and the far big jetty is South Jetty a wedgey right that almost never breaks and when it does is super hard to surf. New Jetty is one of my favorite waves in the area but unfortunately due to poor sand distribution it has been a deep hole all season.
This is looking south from the dunes. The closest wave is called Surfers Knoll which can be really fun in the late winter early spring, but usually too washy in the summer. Past that is the River Mouth sand bars which stretch about a mile or so south till you get to McGrath State Beach.
If I decide I am surfing River Mouth I repark my car either in the Knoll lot if it is a week day and uncrowded or in the marina lot across the street if I am looking to be low pro and stealth. The funny thing about parking in the marina lot is that there are all these no beach parking signs, but everyone parks there any way and they are not “strictly enforced”. I also like to park in the Marina lot cause there are less crack heads, meth heads, bums and heroin addicts hanging around there. My old photographer Dave and I once saw the cops come arrest this crack head in the Knoll lot.
It was pretty funny. The dude broke free and took off to the bath room and flushed his stash. When he came out there were six cops guns drawn. Then they took him down with very excessive force. He made some really strange grunt like squeal when then tackled him to the pavement then bashed his head. There are robberies in the knoll lot at least once a week if not more. I just try and stay out of that parking lot. I have been robbed three times there. It has gotten to the point where I have hallowed out a spot underneath my driver seat where I stash my phone, Ipod and money. Its not quite north shore bad where you have to leave your windows down and your car open so they wont get smashed, but there is for sure a large number of degenerates who coagulate in that vicinity.
“Strictly Enforced” ha, the harbor patrol is too busy busting crack heads to worry about parking issues.
There are always sketchy things going on in the parking lot and in the marsh reeds that line the river mouth. From what I have been told there is pretty much an entire bum civilization back there who feed off all the dead marine life and sea birds that constantly line the beach. I literally saw five dead birds there today. Four pelicans and duck. Last year there were tons of dead seals all over the beach and I once saw a dead dolphin as well. All the currents flow towards that place and the water quality is far from ideal.
Bum food…another one bites the dust…
Usually I surf a section of sand bars called the Reeds just before the actual river mouth. I always seem to get my best waves there and its easy to line yourself up because you either sit on the north, south or middle of the reeds. It is also a bit of a hike from the parking lot and most don’t bother to walk past the first few sand bars.
This is the reeds I like to line up with. Behind those reeds is Bumville.
Sometimes the banks further south in front of the River Mouth can be better on long period swell. If your willing to walk that far you can be sure to beat most of the crowd.
Hmmm whats that in the far left corner you ask? Let me answer: A power plant and an oil field. Oxnard is a beautiful place.
The Tar
The 805 is constantly riddled with an abundance of tar that naturally and most likely not so naturally courtesy of all the oil rigs seeps up from the ocean floor, coagulates into balls and finds its way to the beaches. River Mouth is one of those beaches that is especially bad. Once on the beach the tar heats up from the sun and becomes a gooey mess just waiting for you to step in it. I have giant tar stains on just about everything I own. My boards are constantly riddled with the brown mess. As a matter of fact I stepped in a nice ball of tar yesterday before my session.
Currently my wax is all black and gooey with tar. The only way to get tar off is with baby oil which works fine, but also makes the shower floor slippery as hell. I once went down head over heels nearly hitting my head on the tub faucet. That would be a really shitty way to be found dead naked on the bottom of the tub in a puddle of blood and baby oil. The authorities would with out a doubt claim I went out in a crazy freak masturbation mishap.
Winter Time
In the winter its a whole different ball game out there.
Winter is not really River Mouth’s best season. For the most part the swell direction of the NW’s seem to just come into there as one giant close out as far as the eye can see. The water is freezing, colder then any other spot in the area and there is no one around. Even the bums hunker down for the most part. The only upside to winter is the Off shores. Ventura Harbor really kind of is the start of the flat plain that runs all the way till Mugu and as a result hard offshore wind sweeps across the open space grooming the surf.
You know the winds are going to be good if all you can smell is manure from the fields. Yeah it stinks but the air in the barrel is always nice. On the whole even with the winds it is still very closed out and usually on a swell anywhere from double to triple over head and stacked as far as you can see. If your getting out there you are going to take a serious beating. You will get pitted, but it will most likely just be a big close out tube. This is the place where the term PGCB (perfectly good closed out barrels) was coined. You can read more about that in my “I Heart PGCB’s” blog. It makes for good wide angle barrel photos except for the fact that the current is so bad out there its nearly impossible to stay with your photog. Dave and I had many of frustrating sessions where we were both getting worked super hard and did not get one decent shot out of it.
Usually by late winter some really good sand bars can set up more near the knoll and upper River Mouth. If it is the right swell with the right tide and the wind is offshore you will get some of the best sessions of your life. I have had some really amazing session on such. It can be really frustrating too though if you get there too late. Lots of times those sand bars only turn on for a few hours at best and if you get it at the end of the window you may get one or two amazing ones and then just be back in close out land. The rips are really bad on theses bars as well. You will spend the entire session paddling.
If your diligent and you get first dibs on a good bank you will have it to yourself for maybe a day or two. Once word gets out all of Ventura, Oxnard and Santa Barbara will be there. On the whole these bars only last for a few days anyway before the wind goes bad or too big of a swell comes in and tears it apart. When it happens it can be all time, as good as anyplace. Here is a video of possibly the best the River Mouth has ever been courtesy of just the right swell angle, wind, rain and sand. It happened in 2005. I was lucky enough to get two days of this cause I just happened to be here picking up some boards from Jason Feist over at J7 surfboards.
The reality of the winter is more times then not its nothing more then a big close out and if I am going to drive that far I am most likely going to go surf Hollywood or Oxnard Shores where the banks are a bit better that time of year. The water quality is very poor in winter due to all the rain run off.
Opening the Mouth
The really cool thing about River Mouth is the fact that it is one of the few unfortified river mouths in a heavily populated area. There are no jetties or controls on it of any kind. The water flows under the sand naturally allowing for tons of great banks to get created. On occasion as a result of heavy rain fall it will burst open and when it does great sand can be created. That does not always happen. Sometimes it opens and throws out too much sand ruining the spot for weeks. If it opens and there is not a good swell direction or bad wind the bars wont form good. This year we got screwed double. First the mouth opened up way too far to the south and second when they dredged the harbor, which they do every year the sand from that got badly dispersed completely ruining New Jetty for the entire spring, summer and most likely fall season.
Forget about water quality when it opens. I have had so many bad sinus infections, diarrhea, fevers and other complications as a direct result of surfing in the black water that is created when it opens. There ends up being dead frogs, fish, birds, tons of trash that all floats out a river that flows for miles inland. The pesticide run off from all the farms is intense. We refer to surfing there during such times as “Brown Town”. Its pretty disgusting. If its on its totally worth the chance of contracting Hepatitis though.
For a while a bunch of locals would get together before a swell and actually dig out the mouth to make good sand. About three years ago Robert from Roberts Surfboards used to rally the troops to dig it out for every good south swell. That was one of the best spring/summer seasons out there ever. Even the fall was sick thanks to all the good sand. I guess the harbor patrol cracked down on it and the last crew to attempt it got arrested and fined. I don’t think there has been a dig out attempt since. In the summer and fall it doesn’t rain so its not going to naturally open.
There you have it, my home away from home Santa Clara River Mouth. I am sure I just pissed off everyone in the 805 for writing this. You know what I don’t give a fuck. I am there nearly everyday all summer long and surf the place in both the good, the bad and the ugly. Its a tough wave to surf. I would not recommend it to beginners, but more moderate to experts. There are usually tough currents and rip tides so if your not a strong paddler/swimmer drowning can be an issue. Its an unprotected beach and out at the River Mouth there is not many people around so getting you medical help will take longer then most spots.
The wave itself is very heavy and even on a two foot day can pack a punch. I have broken six boards there, creased a handful more and taken some heavy wipe outs. It is sharky too as any river mouth can be. Although I have never had an encounter I have heard stories and most of the larger marine mammals that wash up dead on the beach have giant bites taken out from them. Half seals are not uncommon to see. The water is murky thus confusing the men in grey suits.
River Mouth is an acquired taste suited to the elite hard core surfer. If your dedicated you will score. If you read this and are stoked to come down for a surf good on ya. I will gladly hoot you into a wave. Please show respect and don’t pull up with a van full of dudes like a certain Santa Barbara surf school has been doing. At Santa Clara the rule of two is in full effect. Follow the code and I will be more then stoked to get tubed with you.
The lay of the land just to give you an idea of what we are talking about. I took this during a solid south swell last Summer 2011.
This is Christy’s my favorite janky luncheonette in Ventura located right across the street from the River Mouth parking lot. This place is rad all the tables have collages of pictures of their customers under glass. Kooky and I wanted to go put a picture of us under the glass. I still may. Waitresses are surly, customers strange and food incredible. I have ended more then one session there. Yum!
Its not all sunshine and roses out here. If you don’t like mornings then this is what you will be greeted with usually by 11am everyday if not earlier.
This is two trees in Ventura California and where I took that aerial photo of River Mouth. I had been surfing there for years looking back a these trees and always wanted to go up there. Finally I did some exploring and found my way up to them. Its really cool cause from that vantage you can see all the way to Pt.Mugu in the south and Emma Wood in the North. I met some old guy the last time I was there and he said the trees were planted in the late 1800’s so Mariners could find the way to the harbor. Its really cool there and a nice hike. I do it regularly.
Cant afford Christy’s no worries there is plenty of good eating up and down the beach. Looks like someone has already been gnawing on this guy though. Don’t fret I’m sure there are plenty of other dead animals with in striking distance of this unfortunate.
This weeks UCB makes a winner of Kooky Kyle who at press time has quite the lead thanks to snagging some extra points. I post extra point questions everywhere on this site. There is still one more extra point floating around that I will triple if anyone gets it. It was like four or five blogs ago I think. Also the power of ten for June is up for grabs, get those lists in before or on the 30th of they wont count towards this quarter. Kooky Kyle’s suggestion was “International surfing Day”. Now I may have wrote on this topic before someplace either here or back in the myspace.com days, but I have new ideas on the whole thing.
First off International Surfing Day is a FAKE HOLIDAY that was initially created by the Surfrider Foundation in 2004 to boost beach related environmental awareness. Beach cleanups, pledge drives, bbqs, earth conscientiousness and good vibes on the whole were had. At the time I thought it was a pretty rad idea even if it was stolen from skate boarding. Since the late 90’s on a random day towards the end of June an unofficial skate board race was held through all five boroughs of NYC. The event was completely underground and on the appointed day thousands of skaters would show up and basically clog the streets of New York for a day. Eventually word got out and International Go Skateboarding Day took its place all over the world.
At first things were cool, simple and all in good fun. Then the surf industry stepped in and said lets use this day to hock more product and make more money. The Magazines jumped on the bandwagon, videographers, pro surfers, surf shops, surf schools and anyone else who makes a buck off surfing. Today much like the actual sport of surfing International Surfing Day is nothing more then another American Hallmark Holiday (I will coin that one) but with out the cards, although at this point with Target and Macy’s, yeah Macy’s, embracing the surfing lifestyle to make major dinero its only a matter of time before Hallmark will be making “Happy International Surfing day” Cards.
Maybe it can have a guy deep in the barrel getting burned by some yuppie kook on a fucking soft board arms all flailing going straight fresh out his surf class he paid some surfer business man $100 bucks an hour for. Sto00000ke! Surfing is so cool. Or it can have some dick head pro burning some average guy just happy to squeeze an hour in before work. Either way nothing spreads the aloha spirit like ruining another surfers day.
Happy International Surfing Day!
Lets go back to the Macy’s thing again. I was suit shopping there the other day cause they were having this crazy 60% off sale. I actually found a really smooth Alfani two piece Charcoal Grey suit that I am going to wear to my cousin’s wedding at the end of August with a black shirt and red tie. I am going to be styling. As I am doing this I walk by an entire surf section with all the brands, Volcom, Quicksilver, Rip Curl, etc. There was a giant picture of Mic Fanning on the wall, a poster of Taj boosting. I almost cried then destroyed the place. Instead I shook my head and was stoked to have disconnected myself from the surf materialistic world. I feel bad for all my friends who own surf shops lord knows how you compete.
A sneak preview of my new suit. I looked like shit this day. I don’t trust mirrors so I always take photos whenever I am buying a high ticket item. You can imagine when I am all done up this is going to be the shit.
Did I surf on International Surfing Day you ask? Well if you read the surflog on occasion you would know I did not cause I hurt my back trying to pull a Kerrupt Flip at New Jetty earlier in the week after getting all pumped off it when I wrote about in the most recent power of ten blog “I Gots Power“. For myself and most serious surfers every mother fucking day is International Surfing Day. For me it has been that way for 21 years. I don’t need a special day to get me pumped to go surfing and if you do then you really need to rethink your priorities in life. There have been a few times in my life when I had forsaken surfing and I was miserable cause I tried to prioritize my life more mainstream. Then I readjusted my thinking and got back on the horse.
Yes I was a sell out for a long time. I did the pro-surfer thing, the surf shop thing, and even the surf school thing. These days I am a complete surfing recluse. I wear all black wet suits, ride wide surf boards some with original art work done by my friends. I show up, go surfing then as fast I was there I am gone. No or minimal surf clothing, image or fanfare. If it was not for my neck tan these days one would not even know I surfed. I think most people just believe I have some strange skin disease that only allows my head to tan.
Actually I got this chick at the bar the other night to fall for that and almost got her to pity fuck me. I went up to this woman to hit on her and after a few words I could tell she was over it. She was doing the usual looking around the club, checking the phone, I am over talking to you sort of thing. I was about to leave when her friend comes up to me and like a total bitch says “yuck why are you only tan from the neck up?”. “To tell you the truth I suffer from a skin degenerating disease called pigmititus and can now only tan on my hands and from the neck up. Its similar to the skin disease Micheal Jackson suffered from. I must say I am a little self conscientious about it and now you have embarrassed me and I must leave”. I turned to walk away and she grabbed me and was all apologetic bought me a shot of Patron and then chilled with me the rest of the night. It was classic. Now I know how that dude in the wheel chair pulls all those chicks. Stupid California girls, got to love them.
In a world where commercialism has taken over every facet of life (phssst if your a hipster, if the majority of the population has embraced your style then you are not too hip anymore) it is sad that surfing has been taken down with it. On the up side with anti commercial warriors out there like Dane Reynolds and Bobby Martinez maybe more will follow and we can take back the soul of surfing. In the meantime Taylor Steele made a film recently where he picked one random day and filmed surfing all over the world on that day. No special title needed. Here is what International Surfing Day is really about:
So what if May came and went like 16 days ago? In Lisanti time that was yesterday. In geological time it barely even registered. There were two lists submitted for May (John and Kooky) and it would be rather rude of me to ignore that. Sorry Danny yours counts towards June. I have to say I was less then impressed with either list, but Mauriello’s took the cake and as such he will be awarded two points for his actions. Now don’t fret June is here and that means you can still submit a list and the points will count towards spring. I have decided to end the Spring quarter June 30th instead of the 21st.
1. Toughest Air Grabs to Pull off in Surfing: Ten years ago if you could just pull a sizable air it was sick. If you could stick a rotation you were the man. Now if can’t stick an air reverse nine times out of ten and have some type of flip in your arsenal you might as well be a a sorry excuse for a ripper. A grab is done for two reasons: to keep the board under your feet better or to invert an air to make it even more gnarly. The two hardest in my opinion one of which I can pull off the other I cannot are Stale Fish in which a surfer uses his inside arm and grabs the inside tail rail. I find this one to be somewhat easy backside, very difficult front side. The second one I completely gave up on as a result of far too many shitty wipe outs: Kerrupt. The Kerrupt began as a sort of inverted ally-oop flip that was known as the Kerrupt Flip. Then people started doing the grab in all sorts of aerial inversions thus making it a grab as well. Basically you turn completely looking at your tail and grab both tail rails of your board while crossing your arms. You need a ton of air to pull this and there is a lot of room for error and injury when you fail. Kerrupt
Stale Fish
Here Evan Geiselman demonstrates a perfect stale fish.
2. Masturbation: What can I say. I don’t think anyone is as big an advocate for masturbation then me, except maybe Kooky Kyle. Men talk openly about it, women are more secretive. The establishment would have you believe it is a shameful act. I say why not pleasure oneself. End of story
3. My type (In Terms of Women): This is with out a doubt one of those topics I have been pondering for sometime now, could be a blog in itself if I actually knew the answer. Looks wise its not too specific although I do prefer brunettes over blondes, like a darker complexion. Them pale pasty folk confuse me. I dig a petite figure that is well proportioned. I cook Italian food so she has to start out small so that I don’t make her too fat. Height is a big issue for me. She needs to be no taller then around 5’5/5’6. Im only 5’9 and bit on the smaller side for a man in general (don’t fret ladies my man downstairs is more then he needs to be). I like to dress up and go out and expect the same for my girl. If she puts on heels and is either right at my height or taller how is that going to look? Like shit, that’s how. Remember Tom Cruise next to Nicole Kidman and then everyone wondered why they got divorced. Personality wise at this point its up in the air. I’m a tough one to put up with so I guess if she can stand my bs at least half the time she would be a saint. She must have a healthy sex drive. That “I’m too tired” crap is not going to fly ever again. I’m not saying I want a nympho, but would love it if she would be all over me for a change.
Tom and Nicole back in the day. Look its like he is her pet monkey or something. Not going to be me.
4. Real Dolls: This is some twisted shit even for me. Although if it was for me I could use the previous topic to order my own “perfect” woman. A blow up doll is one thing. That is masturbation with props, but this shit is heavy. These look almost real. Anyone ever see the movie “Lars and the Real Girl”? It was based on this premise exactly. Its a really decent movie actually. I need to get a copy of that. If one of my readers wants to hook it up send it to me with a picture of yourself and I will frame it and hang on the wall in my living room and worship you like a false idol.
5. The Surf Industry: Just when I thought we were done with all the dirty talk John goes and picks the dirtiest topic of them all. I’m pretty sure the surfing industry is run solely by the devil. It’s a classic Adam and Eve situation. The Hawaiians created this pure amazing entity, where all one had to do was cut down a tree turn it into a ride-able hung of wood and go ride waves naked. Pure and simple, Men, women, children all living in bliss, one with the ocean. hundreds of years later some imbecilic business man in a suit decided he could sell this wonderful life style to the masses and convinced the current participants at the time it was for the betterment of the sport. I.e. Eve having Adam eat the apple. Then the Movie Gidget came out and surfers were expelled from the garden of Eden forced to endure crowds, traffic, kooks, valley people, stand up paddlers, surf camps, and all the other current annoyances in everyday surfing life.
6. Haircuts: I feel like this should be a given, but then I am constantly amazed at the number of people who don’t care about their hair. For me its my vanity for sure, but deeper then that I have baldness in my family and thus far am hanging on like a barnacle. I feel it is my duty in thankfulness of whatever higher power has allowed me such good fortune and take the best care of my hair possible. A good hair dresser is an artist, pure gold. My current one a profit of hair design. Everyone who cares about their hair ought to have their own hair stylist only they will go to. If mine moves away I may seriously consider relocating. Tipping should 30%.
8. Inlanders: These people baffle me. I will start with Valley folk and work my way completely inland. If you truly love the ocean then living a mere 30minutes to an hour inland is a fucking travesty to your soul just to save a few bucks in rent. I pay a shit load of money for my ocean view causing me to live way outside of my means. Waking up every morning to the smell of sea and then glancing at it out my window makes it worth all the sacrifice and frustration. Those people who have never stepped foot on the beach in their entire lives cause they live hundreds of miles inland well I will have to go with Meg Ryan’s line from “Joe Vs The Volcano” “I have no response to that”.
8. South Swell Hype: Its officially summertime on the West Coast of the US and that means South Swell season or in other words a ton of bullshit and lots of let down. Maybe it you live from Huntington Beach and south the hype is worth something. North of that it is all lies and heartbreak . Most times its just a reason for Surfline.com to get extra hits. In Santa Barbara who gives a fuck unless you have a boat since the Islands block everything anyway. If you happen to be lucky enough to have a boat or ranch access you will be welcomed by quite the crowd to reward your efforts. If you live in the Southern Hemisphere good on ya, but here in California it is nothing but a bunch of bull shit.
Over hyped or not you cant beat a good day at Malibu with 500 of your closest friends.
9. Having to Use a Bathroom at in Opportune Times: Read this blog I wrote back in 2009 for my thoughts on this topic: Bathroom Revenge and Good Times.
10. Alfie’s New Toy: About a few weeks ago I decided Alfie’s life was a bit too simple and needed some adversity. I devised this diamond type contraption I built out of cardboard with a little whole on two sides just big enough to let out a small kernel of dry food if kicked in just the right combination. It drove him crazy. Now he has it down to an art. He can get all the food out of it in under thirty minutes. I guess I need to go back to the drawing board.
This weeks UCB and the first of the quarter makes a victor of Kooky Kyle, who by the way has already accrued one bonus point in the surflog. With this win he is already starting out strong with 2.5pts. He asked I write about how to successfully bring tail free reos back into the wave face. Well Kooky the answer is quite simple: Don’t suck so bad a surfing. Either that or “Kill Yourself” (what song and by what artist is that from for 1.5 UCB points, answer in the comments and link the you tube video and I am looking for one distinct song. It should be obvious if you know it).
In all seriousness tail free surfing is one of the hardest maneuver inversions in surfing to control and successfully complete. At the same time if you can pull one off it both looks and feels sick. The old school guys like to call it “flicky surfing” and in a way that is true. I mean when you blow the tail out in most instances you are burning a lot of speed and taking away from the energy that say a full rail hit might incur . For me personally I would rather blow my tail then do a huge gaff any day. If you can get them down eventually you can add power and finesse on top of radicalness to them. Just look at the tour guys like Slater or Wilko. Dane Reynolds’ tail free hits are power and insanity. I am constantly overwhelmed on how far he can take a tail free turn and come back in.
Frontside
Freeing the tail Frontside is all about being out of control yet in control all at the same time.
The first step to a good tail free maneuver is just the same as any lip related move, a good bottom turn. Drop into a wave and make sure it has a steep section with a lip that is going to throw out. It is near impossible to do a tail free hit on a mushy or flat section. As your bottom turning, pivot off your toes and lean into your inside rail. On larger waves it helps if you even touch the water with your back hand almost pulling yourself back up into the face. Watch any clip of Mick Fanning for a perfect example.
In this frame I am at the end of my bottom turn, all my weight is on my toes and I have just shifted the bulk of my weight from my front foot to my back foot. This will allow me to climb up the face of the wave towards the lip. If you notice my head is looking toward the cascading lip I am about to hit.
Although this is not the same sequence this is what the next step from the above bottom turn would yield. At this point I have climbed up the face and have about half my board above the lip and have began to put all my weight on my heels. I am about to also kick the tail and rest of my body up over the lip. Which you will see in the next two frames.
The pivot will allow you and your board to begin to climb back up the face of the wave. As your approaching the lip wait until your nose is beginning to come over the lip before counter acting the turn as shown in the above frame. At this point counter your weight over the outside rail by leaning on your heels. If you over exaggerate at this point you will be forced to come back in lay back and in most cases losing the wave in the process. Be sure also not to over throw the hit or you will just be pushed off the back of the wave. By overthrowing I mean waiting too long to counter act the turn. Also when finally approaching the lip as shown above you must kick the rest of your weight and board forward by pushing up toward the lip with your legs while keeping your upper body straight. The below sequence demonstrates this.
In frame one I have just finished kicking the rest of my board and body out of the wave and am about to become tail free. At this point all of my weight is on my heels and I am about to shift it back over my toes to counter act the kicking out of the tail. In Frame two I am completely free of the wave except for my inside rail. Keep in mind this is a very inverted look at the maneuver. At this point you should just be loose and wait for the rest of your board to catch back with the wave.
At this point you are completely weightless and it is a rather awesome feeling and sight if you have done it correctly. By that I mean your posture should be in tact even though the only thing left inside the wave is your inside rail sort of as demonstrated in the above second frame or the very first photo in the beginning of the fronside tutorial. Now you just need to wait for the rest of your board to catch back into the lip. This is where the hard part comes in, keeping your body over your board. This is the one of the most important things in all facets of good surfing. At this point you want all your weight centered in the middle of the board and on your toe tail. All your weight on the re-entry should be on your back foot or you are going to dig your nose and pearl or dig your outside rail and fall over it. Try not to recover in a lay back or in most cases it will be the end of your ride unless you are on a perfect wave such as Lowers.
By this point my board has caught back into the wave and I am ready to put my weight back over my board and onto my toes so I can recover and go into my next maneuver.
Once your weight has been center back over your board free fall back down with the lip if your are still in it. In the case of many inversions you may have actually destroyed the lip in the process and are now in the flats. Either way it is no problem. Stabilize yourself for impact. Once you hit regroup and gather your balance, put your weight back over your toes and go into your next bottom turn. Or if you did one so gnarly that the wave is done or it was a close out hit claim it.
Everything has reconnected and I’m a just waiting to come back down to the bottom with the wave. Notice all my weight is on my back foot here cause I have buried my nose a little bit and I don’t want it to catch on the way down.
Backside Tail Free Reos Backside is very similar to frontside with the only real variation being that every thing is opposite. Once again start with a good bottom turn except all your weight should be on your heels. Maybe it is because I am goofy foot but I find backside tail free maneuvers way easier to pull off.
All my weight is on my heels and I am spotting the incoming lip.
For the rest of this I am going to refer to the following sequence. Here is a perfect example of the rest of a clean back side tail free reo. In the the first frame my weight is all on my heels and I am climbing back up the face. My nose is pointed 12 o’clock and is above the lip. The second frame is the larger one in the seq. and is the shifting of my weight from my heels to my toes and am about to do the kick up motion we discussed in the front side tutorial. Frame three is the actual kick up motion. I am pushing my entire board and body over the lip with the force of my legs. Notice my body is stabilizing the motion, not going with it. Frame 4 my tail is free and I am just going along for the ride. Frame 5 I am beginning to shift my weight back over my board as my rail and tail catch back with the lip.
Frame 6 is where backside and frontside differ. On a frontside hit you actually open your body up on the recovery. Backside is the opposite, you want to crunch up into a ball for the free fall keeping the majority of your weight over your toes. Once you begin to fall with the lip open your body up and put your weight back over your heels. Stabilize your landing and go into your next bottom turn.
Considering we are 7 days, 14 hours away from the start of the “Summer of Alf”, which may be a benchmark in the history of Lisanti Land and will be described in detail on or around May 16th, the official start date. I thought it would be right to finally close out 2011 and get the first ever year in a life of Chris Lisanti surfing stats. In order to do that I first had to compile the stats from May of 2011. Actually May was a very integral month in my life last year in a very negative way.
The “Summer of Alf” is going to be all about the positive. Its almost necessary for this recap to happen nearly a year later. May was it for Adrienne and I, the final cabash. I spent the greater part of April trying to win her back and by May my efforts had become futile. It was not long into the month that I found myself packing my bags and moving out of MY APARTMENT as a result of the situation. You can read “Bowing Out” and “One Last Perfect Day” if your new here and lost or just want to rehash my pain. I know I link these regularly but that is because they were some of the hardest yet better pieces I have written here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.
The funny thing is when I read them looking back now it amazes me how messed up and confused I was. As a result my surfing took a toll. I missed some days, I was frustrated others and a few surfboards got destroyed as a result of drunken tantrums. I still managed to stay wet as Nick the Kook would say. I have said it before the only constant in my life in last 21 years has been surfing and I am thankful for every moment that has been bestowed on me in the water. Here are the numbers of May 2011.
Number of Sessions Surfed: 16 Number of Days Surfed: 15 Time in Water: 27 hours Number of Waves Surfed: 409 Average Waves Surfed Per Hour: 15
Spots Surfed: Mesa Lane: 4 Rincon: 3 New Jetty: 3 Santa Clara River Mouth: 2 Emma Wood: 1 La Conchita: 1 Ocean Beach, San Francisco: 1 Waddel Creek, Santa Cruz: 1
Top 3 Sessions:
3.5/30/11 PM Session: 2-3ft, Mesa Lane
Time in Water: 1hr 20mins
Waves Surfed: 25 After a morning of failed car surfing John and I decided to give Mesa Lane a look. The wind was right and the tide was not too low making it a definite possibility. Upon checking it there were tons of glassy little nugget bowls rolling in with a very light crowd. It was bit on the low tide side but I was kind of frothy for a surf. The surf was far from epic but I was in crazy surf mode and began pulling and sticking a variety of airs out of which I brought down three ally oops and one really fast backside air reverse. It was a fun little session to say the least.
2:5/29/11 PM Session: 2-3ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 28 Talk about late season crazy wind swell. I checked the buoys this morning and they were spiking at 12ft. I knew Rincon would have to have a wave of some sort. Low tide was around one. John and I cruised south and on the way down Santa Claus did not look very promising. The parking lot at Rincon had a fair number of cars in it and some people were walking around with short boards leading me to believe that there might be some waves to surf. Turned out there was some waist to chest high scrubby wind swell coming into the cove that was semi clean. At first I as not too enthusiastic but then saw a solid set of three waves roll in that sparked my interest and had us all over it. I ended up call boxing one wave and snagged at least three good ones and I saw John get a few good ones also.
1:5/25/11 PM Session: 2-3+ft, North County, Santa Cruz
Time in the Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 40 See Blog Clearing My Head for more details. In short just a buddy of mine and I sharing waves in the middle of nowhere on a well shaped left reef pass.
There you have it the final recap that was needed to complete 2011. Stay tuned for the entire stats from 2011, an entire year in surfing. I’m excited. Check out the “Urban Surfing” blog I wrote back in May of 2011 it some cool surfing and other adventures from this time period. As always read the surf log for daily updates on my surfing and day to day.
Empty perfection. If you don’t surf then you probably don’t understand how precious this scene is. All you see is a pretty picture of a wave.
It was last Wednesday evening that things began making sense to me again. One year ago my life was in absolute shambles. I had plans, the means to execute those plans and high expectations. I had this mental imagine, a dream have you of the way the rest of my life was going to pan out. If I learned anything from Steinbeck its that “the best plans of mice and men may go astray”. Shakespeare has always warned me to “beware of the ides of March”.
At that time in my life I did not head either great writer’s advice. When things went awry I had no where to turn in my mind but the bottle. Anyone who reads regularly can attest to the less then stellar results that have come out of such. If your new here just peruse some blogs exactly a year ago and maybe a few from the summer and fall. They will fill in all the blanks immensely.
I was lucky in that I had a strong support system of friends who were not about to sit around and watch me destroy myself. You know what I am still here and sure I still drink a bit too much, but “kill all my demons and my angels may die too”. In all seriousness I have been working on reducing my alcoholism back down to a safer level. I must say it has been a crazy, scary yet invigorating ride to arrive at the point I am at now.
There I sat out in the middle of a very disorganized lineup at New Jetty with two other guys out making the most of the crossed up lefts that were coming in. It was more then just a surf. The sun was going down, the lighting perfect to allow the mountains to reflect all the colors of the sunset. I looked up the coast line, one where the mountains literally meet the ocean, then back out to the horizon at the channel islands ominously floating in perpetual solidarity. The world around me is so breathtaking. That is why I live my life. That is why I always have.
I let myself get so dragged down into the mud that I forgot what being alive was all about. I still have no idea what is going to happen, but then again it really is not my place to know. If one knew his own fate would his life still be worth living? I know I have been lost for a while now, maybe the last four years of my life even. I had put all of my cards into surfing and as that ticket slowly ran out I was unsure of where to turn. I think that was where Adrienne came into the picture.
She kind of gave me a new reason to live. I was wrong to put all my eggs in someone else’s basket and ultimately I don’t really know how happy I was with our arrangement anyway. I spent so much time trying to glorify it and living in a constant state of veneration of what we were that I clouded what our reality was. The truth is Ade’s and I lived very separate lives for a couple and both of us let a lot slide with the other cause it was not worth arguing about. When I look back on things now I realized that we almost never fought and I know on my side of things and I believe on hers too it was because neither of us cared enough about any topic to make it worth our while. All the big issues we never resolved just pushed under the rug.
I was never good at compromising and I am pretty sure it is a skill she lacks as well. I know right now your reading this thinking why is he rehashing all this? The answer my friends is that sometimes I need to put things into writing when my thought process on them has finally reached a conclusion. Call this my final closure on the Adrienne issue. I have been stewing on these thoughts for a year.
So basically the reason we did not work was because neither of us found it worth while to put the necessary effort in that two people in relationship have to in order to keep it moving into a forward direction. Ultimately we hit an impasse and by the time I realized it things had already spiraled out of control. Looking back objectively now things sort of went down hill steadily after we moved in together. Much of that is due to many factors that we never bothered to address. Its like a car, over time there are certain maintenance issues that need to be regularly handled for the vehicle to remain functional. If you miss oil changes and regular service eventually that car will break down no matter how strong it was initially.
In our a case neither of us really gave a shit about making things work. Now that I see that clearly it is no wonder what happened happened. I mean could the situation had been dealt with better sure, but I guess what went down was in true Lisanti Land fashion. In my world there are only extremes and nothing in between. I must say I would not have it any other way. Insanity or as Micheala put it Lisanity becomes me. I think the moment I went wrong was when I tried to compromise what I am about.
Where does that leave me? My new roommate Dan put things in perspective perfectly a few weeks ago after spending just a short time in Lisanti Land. This guy lives in the palace full time and those of you who have spent time here know exactly the level of ridiculousness that goes down on a normal week. To my readers if you think you get the full story here you don’t know the half of it. There are plenty of instances that go down that are either too embarrassing, incriminating , just plain wrong to put on any kind of public record or go lost in the mix of all the other craziness. Those are the stories you have to come to the palace to hear from my lips to your ears. Then live your own adventures with us.
Dan being a complete outsider to my world. I mean I could not have found a roommate who comes from such a different walk of life then myself. The guy is on the total opposite of the spectrum. I think for me he has been and may be the necessary evil and contrast I need in my life. An outsider looking in can often better observe what is going on then those directly involved. About two weeks ago he said to me that I am an artist at life.
That is what really got me to understand myself and my entire reason for being. On greater thought he is one hundred percent correct. I am an artist at living and the entire world has been my canvas. Since as long as I can remember I have custom tailored ever facet of my existence to suit me perfectly. Every detail down to the color socks I wear, the type of bed I sleep in, the club I frequent, the drinks I consume, etc has been thought about with meticulous detail.
My life has been always about not compromising and you know what I am proud of that. When given the option of doing something I did not really want to do and be with friends or being alone I have always chose the latter. Does that make me selfish or narcissistic, I don’t really know. I know for the most part I get the most out of every minute of my day I can and always have. If I seem angry, sad or frustrated at times it is because things did not work the way I saw in my head. In other words I could not paint the picture I wanted.
The reason I have calmed down a bit in recent years is that I have learned that sometimes I have to learn to paint with in the parameters of the rest of civilization, but still manage to make the statement I intend. I hope some of this makes sense to you. It is a bit confusing even to me, but I finally do understand more about myself then I ever have. Forget living out of spite cause the only person I was spiting was me.
Over the next few weeks I have some new long term possibilities (I’m not going to call them goals or plans anymore cause that seems so final and definite) I want to explore here. And yeah I don’t know whats next. I can promise that I am going to continue my art, that is the art of living and living well. I always said one of my best characteristics was that no matter what I always knew how to appreciate the finer things in life. As summer is upon us I would like to declare the summer of 2012 “The Summer of Alf”. There will be more explanation of what that means soon.
A surprise barrel on an other wise less then optimal surf day is definitely one of those finer things in life.
Ready or not "The Summer of Alf" is upon us.......
Well folks there are two types of people out there in this world: Those who go out and live life to its fullest potential despite their own personal fears, discretion, insecurities and the abrogating of popular beliefs. Then there are the drones who sit in their happy little safety blanket they have created around themselves living half asleep and vicariously through the first group. For the longest time I believed Kooky Kyle was a member of the drones and then he broke out of his shell and was awakened in his recent traveling adventures. First in Lisanti Land and then New Zealand.
His adventures abroad have finally come to an end. I think the kid came a long way in the last six months and hopefully will take his experiences, life lessons and other things from this past tenure and use it to enhance his regular life. Knowledge plus experience equals wisdom. Here is kooky’s take on his last days in New Zealand. Enjoy…Lisanti
I am for the first time in 6 months sitting in my parents Maryland house. The contrast in swell between my first few weeks and my last few couldn’t be greater. Last you heard from me I was just out of Piha and unsure of where I was going to go. I met up with a friend of a friend in Auckland for a beer and with any luck a place to stay for the night. “Sorry mate, I asked my girl if you could stay and she was not having it. Sorry” I sat there confounded. It wasn’t too bad, the swell was going to be too big up there anyway.
What was I to do? The sun had set, and there was no way I was finding the way back out to Piha and the Backpackers out there in the dark. Staying around was going to be a exercise in surfing closed out beachies. The East coast, out of the question for a storm was lashing it like Kunta Kinte. Taranaki was too far. The swell was actually looking really good for Raglan.
I called Sarah up and got myself a spot back at Solscape despite the busy Easter weekend. I raced down to rags that night on a mission. Thursday the swell was still down so I got back into the swing of things at Solscape. Friday morning the swell had just started showing and that evening I surfed some fun Indies. Saturday morning the tide was a bit full so Sarah and I surfed Manu. It was good but inconsistent and overly crowded with Easter. I got my share thanks to my time in California. We got out as it was really getting swamped with heads and the tide.
The afternoon session I paddled out to a light crowd with some devil winds back at Manu. I was sitting in the line up and before I realized it I had drifted on to the Ledge (the Ledge is this heavy30 to 50 yard section at the very top of Manu that is most times unmakeable except on the best of days. It is also really shallow and when you fuck up you get tossed into the rocks and then left in shallow water with no channel. If you make one through it is pretty sick. I broke a board there in an attempt to make one. So did Scotty B and my boy Pete.) .
I realized this when a wave swung towards me. Dropping in I pulled into the barrel before a bit of the devil wind chop bucked me. When I came up this grom paddled toward me and said “There are some fucking sick ones out here! I reckon we can make some of them!”. FUCK YEA! He got me fired up and it was on. With a dearth of competition out there he and I threw ourselves into anything that looked remotely make-able. I got rolled on the rocks on a few, and I didn’t make it out of many, but I got some great views. As the tide dropped the wind turned and the ledge got too gnarly for me. I shifted down and surfed the rest of the point. It was definitely my best Manu session of the trip.
Sunday morning was head high and a half, picture perfect Indies. The boys at outsides threw me a wave and Phil, the owner of Solscape even complimented one of my waves I got. That evening the winds turned side then onshore yet I still got some good waves and was pretty stoked on the session. Monday dawned and while there was still some size it was breaking into the point and the whole ride I was basically avoiding hitting the rocks. It was clear the swell was done. The forecast wasn’t showing anything for Tuesday and I had a ride to Auckland so I concluded my stay in raglan and shoved off.
There was part of the trip where I was definitely skunked and had regretted coming, but since the swell before I left for Taranaki things turned on (aside from a day or two) definitely leaving me stoked I took the trip. The final run of swell was great. Phil and the locals had even commented that it was a very good swell as they usually don’t get that many days in a row of waves with good winds. I am definitely going back and will not make the same mistakes I made this time, namely coming with enough money to buy a car and not be tied into a location like I was. All in all I met some great people, surfed some great waves and learned a lot.
So what is next for Dear Old Kooky? Well right now I am sitting at my parent’s Maryland place and am taking care of business this weekend. Then I am looking for a job to last me until lifeguarding starts. I am planning on visiting some friends who are graduating this May. There is sure to be some partying and there may even be a surf trip to be had before I start my final summer of lifeguarding. After that the real world awaits, or at least my deranged version of Dexheimerdom.
Today as a result of my extreme laziness, me lazy…noooooo, never. Mr. go getter over here, about to become the next Rockefeller. I am going to combine both the UCB and Groovin’ High. Now I know what your thinking: “Chris you can’t do that”. Its my blog and I will cry if I want to. Alright that really did not make any sense at all sort of like this opening paragraph of complete ramblings of an idiot. In truth I do prefer asshole as I tried to explain to the girl I kicked out of my bedroom last night cause I wanted to go to sleep. “Sorry, you need to leave now cause that pillow is where my cat sleeps”.
Now that every female subscriber has clicked the unfollow button on my blog let me get back to the point. Wait what was I writing about again? No in all seriousness I am not a womanizing prick. I am actual a hopeless romantic who has been maliciously manized a few times too many and am now jaded, discontent and at this point rather disappointed in both sexes of humanity, male and female on the whole. Thus I am forced to lash out in at times an inappropriate manner in order to achieve a petty vindication of sorts. Basically I am an asshole, at least I’m not bitter, I just get better.
Now that we have gotten that out of the way. John Mauriello in one of our usual Facebook chat sessions, which by the way may become a monthly segment here if I ever get around to it, yep that lazy thing again. He posted a link to this funny little surfing short Dane Renyolds posted on his blog Marine Layer Productions. He put the video to this bizarre song, if you can even call it that. The singing sounds like a chorus of ally cats crying late at night. Musically it is probably one of the worst songs I have ever laid ears upon. The lyrics on the other hand are priceless.
Here is a mental image for you. I was drinking a cup of tea when I played the video, mid sip mind you. I ended up snorting tea out my nose I laughed so hard. It was a fucking mess to clean up. Mucus, blood and tea, but hey now my sinuses are clear for the moment. The video for the song is rather fucking funny too.
It reminded me just how much working sucks. Maybe not my job. Find a job that you love and you never work a day in your life. That being said I cant stand having to be somewhere for eight hours at day at a certain time till a certain time. Then being yelled at for coming an hour late sometimes, showing up intoxicated or disheveled from the night before, yelling at customers, having too much fun (yeah my boss told me I needed to calm down cause I was scaring some of the other employees with the antics I hatch in order to amuse myself), throwing food, throwing knives, starting a fire. All honest mistakes right? I guess that sort of stuff is only ok on your first day at work, but now its been a few years since that for me.
Like the song says “Today your boss is nice to you, tomorrow he will be mean to you”. If you laughed at this blog then this song and subsequent video should have your rolling on the floor. If by reading this bull shit I have just wrote you found yourself offended in some way then get over yourself and stop taking life so seriously. Either that or “KILL YOURSELF”. Enjoy “First Day At Work” by Daniel Johnston.
Then watch this a Groovin’ High daily double! Actually it is in honor of the fact that in a few hours my old and best wingman I ever had, great friend and overall enjoyable dude, Brennan will be in town with his boy Christian. This means I am going to get sloshed tonight. Whooooooooooooot!!!!!!!!!! This is also for John Mauriello cause it was our song two summers ago. Nick the Kook gets a mention since he introduced us to the song. Kooky Kyle cause he used to sing it at work on a Tuesday in order to pump me up to go party with him. Finally my perfidious ex-girl friend Ades who loved this song dearly especially when sung so beautifully by Mauriello and I every Friday and most other days of the week for that matter. “Ooooo I put on my shoes and Im ready for the (insert high pitched tone) WEEKEND”!
When we last heard from our surf adventuring friend Kooky Kyle he was getting ready to cruise out of Raglan in search of greener pastures and new emprise in Taranaki (read about his last entry “A Change of Venue“) . Taranaki for me was a very magical place. It is basically one big semi circle type peninsula that was formed by the volcano Mt Egmont or Taranaki as it is more popularly known. As a result the entire coast line is made up of volcanic rock reef breaks with a few point and beach breaks thrown in. The beauty of Taranaki is that the coast runs 180 degrees in direction allowing for different wind and swell directions to work with different spots leaving lots of options.
As far as surf spots go there are upward of I would say at least 1000. Access to some is quite easy where others involve long hikes through cow pastures, over electric fences and ample beach and rock hikes to get to. Its usually the ones off the beaten path that allow for some of the best experiences. I know when I was there, I went for two weeks on one occasion and then three on the other. I surfed in total close to 50 different waves. I mean there are lefts, rights, barrels, mellow waves, slabs, monsters, you name it Naki has it. The only downside is all the driving that one has to do to explore the place properly. Gas was not cheap when I was there seven years ago. I can only imagine what it cost a liter now.
It really reminded me of a rocky version of the Outer Banks, North Carolina as far as different coastal facings, open space and crowds. The beautiful imagery of the place is amazing. Before I let Kooky run away with this thing let me paint a mental picture for you while you read about his endeavors. Imagine waking up, whipping the dew off your window and looking out over green grass and hedges. You clean off your wind shield and head to whatever spot the current conditions seem best for. Its all a crap shoot any where there since the weather is so erratic and changes hourly at times. To your east is Mt Taranaki in all its ominous splendor.
As you drive you think about how it is still an active volcano and for all you know could erupt and level the place at a moments notice. There is snow at the top of it. Winter is on its way easily discernible by the cold dewy mornings. Soon the entire mountain will be covered with snow. You turn west at a giant boulder with the words Stent Road painted on it. At the end of the that road is a rather fun right point break, a handful of A-frame reef breaks and a few left reef breaks as well, although Stent is the gem. Driving the 2km it takes to get there you pass nothing but cow and sheep pastures with to odd modest little farm house.
Nearing the end of the road you see the azure blue of the ocean, the color amplified by the black rock beach and bottom. In the grass parking lot there are a handful of cars. The waves are chest to head and glassy. You made a good choice. Once in the water there are wispy clouds in constant motion overhead to remind you just how small you are out in the middle of the ocean. Behind you is the giant volcano in hibernation and in front of you is a perfect right hand peeler about to dredge and barrel. Things could not be better. ..Chris
Taranaki is basically a big wheel with tons of little tiny fingers of boulder reef jutting out into the ocean. No wind protection, only a change in the orientation of the coastline. Man, there are a ton of spots there not in the surf guide. The Thursday after my last post I hopped in a rental car and booked it down there. A guy I met at solscape had a house in Opunake and said I was welcome to crash at his place if I was in the area and felt so inclined.
I took him up on the offer. The only problem was he didn’t have a cell phone and only left me his email address. It was cool though, I had met a French Opair who said I would be welcome to stay with her in New Plymouth. The plan was to stay with her and when I got in touch with the other guy to go to his place. As it turns out she was busy and couldn’t get me a place to stay. She insisted before I left that we must meet up for tea or beers (We met up for tea). Here is the million dollar question, leave your opinion in the comments. Do you think Kooky banged her out? 5 to 1 odds that he did not. I spent the night at a local back packers, woke up and went straight to Stent Rd.
It was super fun, a little overhead, slight offshores and never more than 7 guys in the water my whole session. Half way through, who paddles out but the guy from Raglan. He told me how to get to his place and to pick up any groceries I needed in New Plymouth. When I showed up at his place it turned out he had no kitchen,no electricity, and no hot water. It was basically camping in a makeshift back building of the house he owned and rented out. Not quite the Lisanti Palace. It was all good, a free place to stay makes those dollars go a lot farther.
Down in the southern portion of Taranaki I had a hate session at Sky Williams. Sky Williams is a left hand reef point that looks sick from the parking lot but is one of the most frustrating waves to ride I have ever come across. It is like Lead Better but a left. I scored a fun time at Arawhata (Arawhata is a right reef pass with some other scattered reef passes up and down the beach. Its very consistent and playful although never epic), got yelled at for walking down the trail after my session at Mughume (Mughume is a right reef on the other side of Sky Williams that throws pretty hard although is very shifty) and surfed a few secret spots. The first secret spot was only a little outside of Opunake and was a lined up right reef that had a solid wall and the odd barrel. I left with a wind storm looming on the horizon.
On my way down into Taranaki I saw a sign for a wood turning studio, needing a wedding present for my cousin I followed the signs and went in. It turned out that the guy was coming home from work, but his wife invited me in for a ginger cordial while I waited. They were very friendly and he offered to make me a piece by tuesday and told me if I need a place to stay I was more than welcome to stay with him and his wife. After the swell faded out of Opunake I cruised on up the coast and took him up on the offer.
I killed the day by surfing and exploring the coast up in Urenui just north of New Plymouth. It was small, but this wave would hit the seacliffs at the end off the beach and bounce back out to sea. As it did, it would feel the bottom of the beach and wrap back in and break like a little right point. If another wave was coming in at the same time, it would wedge and pitch out in the form of a super square stomach to chest high barrel. It was really cool. After my surf I took a wander up the coast and found three spots that with another meter or two of swell have incredible potential, none of these are in the surf guide. Ask me in person and I will draw you the treasure map.
That night I had dinner with the wood worker and his wife. We talked about where I was going in life and how he had done his travels on the backpackers trail through South East Asia. We talked about his time in the military and how he would always figure out the best way out of work. He was also a coxswain when he was younger(the person who steers a crew boat and yells at everyone). As it turns out he was one of the craftsmen for the Last Samurai that was filmed in Taranaki and he even got to be in the film for a few seconds. He is pretty sure it is because he is short and wouldn’t make Tom look his real size.
After a lovely dinner and great conversation I spent the night in their guest house. In the morning I drove all the way up to Piha, a surf spot on the West coast just outside of Auckland. A tropical system was lashing the east coast with 30 kt on shore winds and those were offshore in Piha, which was throwing out some solid left barrels. Piha is a good wave. It sort of breaks in the middle of this semi protected cove thing with a huge rock in the middle of the beach. It is usually rather crowded due to its proximity to the city. I managed to not kook it on two but most either went fat or I got swallowed up when I pulled in. Anyways I only have a few days left and I will update everyone on what happens when I get back to the states in a week…Kooky Kyle
Surfing Ruined My Life 