Posts Tagged ‘Yes I was that drunken asshole at the wedding but someone had to be that guy’

Sorry this is the only picture I got from my urban adventure since I left my camera at home this day and my phone is all messed up at the moment. As usual here is one I shot while driving to wine country a previous day.

Pardon the short interruption from part 2.  All I must say in my defense is that I partied like a mother fucking maniac over the weekend thus leaving me utterly a mess. I am mostly recovered now through and through I will proceed where I left off.  If your lost check out Part I and Part II by clicking each one’s respective link.

Running a muck around the city of Portland for a day

I woke up on my new friend Lily’s couch feeling rather alright all things considered.  I had set aside the entire day to explore around the city, plus after three full days of hanging out with just my parents, as much as I love spending time with them, I just needed a break.  I was beginning to feel like I was 16 and living at home again.  The only difference being this time they could not take away my booze.  A well deserved free day as I like to call it was a foot.  My parents or at least my dad, are very locked in to a set plan.  Everything is on some kind of itinerary and if an opportunity happens to present itself, but it is not on said schedule they get all bend out of shape.

Personally when I am not a work I do not really have a set plan minus the tide/wind/swell patterns for surfing.  Other then that I’m pretty wide open to just about anything and everything.  My mantra to at times my dismay is that “I will try anything once” and “whats the worst that can happen”.  There are plenty of other dumb little sayings I subscribe to but these two fit this case the best.  There are plenty of times in my life where I never do anything I set out to because other occurrences happened to change my plan.  That is why I always use the term adventuring when I go out and about cause everyday can be an adventure if you keep an open mind and are flexible.

Do understand though this philosophy has cost me a wife, a serious girl friend, countless friends and many, many, many a job.  Such is life.   I woke up and initially I thought I would hit up my old friend Grant who lived in the area and as a result of conflicting schedules and his Casanova like love life had yet to link up.  The girls got up and had a plan on us all doing brunch.  Being a chef they asked what I was feeling.  In my usual fashion I asked to be taken to the jankiest place in town with the best comfort food ever.

Sure enough they did not let me down.  They had a few places in mind one a place called “The Screen Door” looked and smelled just right, but it had a wait and a half for a table.  While waiting Melissa mentioned something about biscuits and a place that only serves just that.  This I had to see.  The establishment was called “Pine State Biscuits”  I must say I was blown away.  There was a line down the block to even place an order, but there was a bar next door that had no problem pouring you a beer at 11am while you waited.  Apparently there was no problem with drinking on the street as well there.

If I was a fan of day drinking it would have been on.  We ended up ordering three contrasting dishes so that all of us could get a feel for the place, a savory dish, sweet dish and their house special.  The savory dish was sort of a take on eggs benedict over a biscuit but with bacon,  The sweet was fruit and yogurt over a sweet dough biscuit and the house special was a giant biscuit tower encompassing eggs, bacon and a giant piece of chicken.  Let me just say I almost want to make another trip up to Portland just to eat at this joint again and it was fucking cheap too.

After this amazing breakfast it was back to Lily’s apartment where I needed to figure you just how the fuck I was going to get back to Vancouver.  As it turns out public transportation with in the city works rather well, but getting across the river is a headache at best Monday thru Friday and nearly impossible on a Saturday.  SOL at the moment Lily decided we should go on a bike tour of the city, while running some errands she needed to get done.

All this seemed fine and dandy except for the fact that I was still wearing my out clothes from the night before, rather expensive dress shoes, dress pants and decent shirt.  Since I got it all at a thrift shop for next to nothing anyway I figured what the heck.  I couldn’t remember the last time I rode a bike.  Just like that I found myself riding all over town.  In Santa Barbara I would have looked a bit out of place riding about dressed as such but in a more urban city I think it went over well.

Cruising around definitely gave a different perspective on things.  Usually I pack a skate board and view the city that way cause lets face it city’s are the best playground a skater could ask for.  I wish had packed a skate since Burnside is right there in the heart of Portland, one of the better gorilla concrete skate parks in existence.   We meandered about town with an ultimate destination being the water front.  I must say the architectural lay out of things was very enjoyable with new and old styles all over.  There were cobble stoned streets in some areas, street cars, a giant street festival that apparently happens monthly, and a farmers market all going down.

At the water front we were to reconvene with Melissa for a little out door picnic.  While exploring the water front we came to a break dance off.  I guess these kids do it at the end of the summer every year.  They had a great little 8’x8′ cardboard floor taped up and a dude spinning off a boom box.  It was a sick little competition to watch.  Then they asked if anyone wanted to join the battle and I figured why the fuck not.  I used to throw down back in my younger days.  Long story short I got served pretty hard.  Hey I was still the best dressed.

The picnic was nice.  We had a bit of Sake, and other little snacks.  The weather was as good as anyone could ask for.  The view was great.  The river was bustling with activity and so was the river walk.  Dudes cruising on skate boards, freaks walking about.  Bums doing the bum thing.  As we were enjoying this evening all of a sudden these sprinkler heads came up out of the ground and began dousing us with water.  We made a mad dash for safety and poor Melissa took the brunt of the water.  Someone had to jump on the grenade.

From there it was a ride back to Lily’s where I managed to not get hit by a car.  Not used to riding a bike or a bike in such a busy setting I must say I was proud to have survived with out any major incident.  Once again the painstaking task of figuring out how to get home ensued.  I called my dad and figured out that I could take a train all the way to the airport which was right across the river from where we were staying and he would pick me up.

The Wedding

My lovely family with our soon to be new member my sister’s fiance Larry.

The reason I ended up in Portland in the first place was because I was there for a wedding, my cousin’s wedding.  I guess the gal he was marrying was from that way and thus that was where the wedding took place even though they both live in DC now.  To be honest if it was in DC I most likely would not have went, but I had never been up to the pacific northwest and figured what the hell.

This was the first wedding I had decided to attend since my own marriage failed over five years ago.  I thought I could handle it but as time to leave got closer I found myself pouring rum and coke after rum and coke till I had a nice little buzz.  The ceremony was the usual.  The bride was really happy.  I tried to get a drink at the start of it but the bar tender said it was disrespectful.

Finally the ceremony was done and the bar opened.  The house wine was cheap trash but the bride’s parents supplied some cases of pinot noir and pinot gris from a local vineyard that were amazing.  The food on the other hand was far from spectactular most everything with the exception of the tuna tar tar bites I am sure were previously frozen out of a box.  I use the same stuff for catering gigs at Westmont.  I expected more of the caterer.

The reception was held on a boat which was to take us on a three hour river tour.  All Gilligan jokes aside at my level of intoxication that by the time I was on board was very high I was definitely at a high risk of falling over board.  I just realized I had not commented in the outfits of the bridal party.  The bride and groom were very well dressed.     My cousin’s tux was solid, I could not have picked a better one myself.

The brides maids wore very elegant blue gowns that flattered them all well, even the bigger ones.  The groomsmen had matching black suits that looked nice enough.  Not everyone could wear a custom made off white Armani suit with designer Italian shoes like I was.  Person for person I would have to say my family were some of the best dressed.  Woman wise well its a long way from Santa Barbara and there were very slim pickings aboard that ship.  I think the wedding planner had the best ass in whole place, which I grabbed while making my way to the bathroom and told her we ought to make shit happen after the wedding.

I was really shocked she did not come find me at the end.  The food at the reception was average at best.  The steak was over cooked, the salmon poorly presented and I don’t know if it was just that I was way too hammered at this point but I had a really hard time working the buffet utensils to put food into my plate.  Not surprising the wedding cake was nothing to write home about either.  Dancing kicked off, but there was no one on the floor besides a few brides maids and the flower girl.

My mother provoked me to hit the floor.  I talked the DJ into playing “September” by Earth Wind and Fire for my entrance.  I danced a few tunes before finding my way to the top deck where I some how was given a cigar and was puffing away till the boat came to dock.  Apparently there was an after party that I guess I was not A-list enough to get invited to.  How you could have an after party and even call it a party with out Chris Lisanti is beyond me.  Maybe they were just jealous cause I was the best dressed there.

Click here for part four and the conclusion of my pacific northwest excursion.

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