Surfing Ruined My Life

Let the good times roll....

Wow!  What a bull shit stupid blog I posted last night.  I hope no one thinks any less of me.  All I have to say for myself is that I drank an entire bottle of Chianti from 8pm-11pm last night thanks to the goading of my roommates whom were many beers deep.  Surprisingly I think I could have put down another bottle cause after finishing that one I think I could have operated heavy machinery if I needed to.  I could have definitely drove if not for those pesky police and their DUI bullshit.  .8? What the fuck is that.  I could blow a .8 the next morning.

The legal alcohol limit should be a kind a suggestion.  Whatever, I don’t make the laws…yet.  Lisanti for President 2014.  And this is not a blog about my alcohol problem or drunk driving.  This is more of a proclamation of sorts. Now this is for me not you, so please no more hate mail.  Yes I know I suck at life.  I do not need any reinforcements in negative comments.  If you want to call me a jack ass that is ok.

I decided when I woke up Sunday morning that I was going to take back my life.  I know we have these type of blogs every few months and then I just end up going down the drain all over again.  Such is life.  I was watching Rocky Balboa last  night, you know the very last one in the series, and he got on this tangent of Rocky wisdom, which by the way is uncanny how profound it is in a very imbecilic way.  He said something about how “In life its not how hard you can hit, but how hard you can take it, every time life keeps beating you down, you have to get back up and keep on fighting.  No matter how hard you get hit you just have to keep on moving on”.

That got me to thinking about my own life.  I have been being beaten on for thirty years and have still remained strong through out.  Some see it as arrogance, but I have always seen it as perseverance.   Sure I come off negative most of the time, but that is because I am real.  I don’t sit around and bullshit myself.  I set a goal and I go for it.  I do not just say oh “good things are going to happen for me”.  I go out and take it.  No one is handing out free rides in life.  You have to go out and get it.

With that in mind I need to fill you in on my week last week.  I had to see Adrienne unfortunately.  She wanted to get off the lease of my apartment.  It sounds like something that should not be a big deal, yet with my rental company taking people off the lease always turns out to be a horror story.  I guess it serves me right for ever believing her worthwhile enough to trust to be on my lease.  See what happens when you trust someone fully.   She had been hitting me up through email, the most chicken shit way to do anything. It is not like I don’t work right across the campus from her or anything?

I made the move.  I took the five hundred yard walk over to the bookstore to talk to her about the situation and come up with some type of reconciliation on the issue.  Believe me it was one of the hardest five hundred yards I ever had to walk.  I was filled with mixed emotions of anger, sadness and anxiety.  I did not have any clue how I would react to seeing her.

Anyhow upon our discussion I realized that I am still not over her and immediately after went into a serious five day bout of depression involving tons of drinking by myself.  I did not even go out to the Kitty.  Worst thing was I think if she had apologized and asked if wanted to come back I probably would have.  Fucking pathetic right.  She had these stupid boots on she wore to Ireland that completely clashed with the tired black skirt and bluish floral camo top she wore at least once a week.  I am not saying she did not look nice, Imean she still captivated me, but if I did not have to wear a uniform to work I would completely flash the wardrobe.  Those boots though just don’t ever make sense outside of a hurricane. I know she has some nice shoes.

Enough about her outfit.  All that brief interview led me to understand is that I am still broken inside and have been trying to fill that hole with other women who were horribly fit for me.  Then I decided that I need a break from women in general for a while.  My life is a fucking mess and I need to clean it up myself for a change.  I always look for a female counter part and use her good sense and stability to influence me to clean my act up.  So far the effects of that method have been nothing but adverse.

I need to pull my head out of my ass and take control of MY LIFE.  If I get my shit together maybe I will find happiness and stability.  At that point then and only then can I truly have something to offer another person when I ask her to share my life with me.  Cause I actually will have a life instead of this sub normal fantasy land I live in.  Till then it is going to be all about frivolous good times with my female companions and nothing more.  For the moment I may not look so good on paper, but its only a matter of time before I do.

In the mean time I am going to follow this guys advice:

In the long run this is the advice that counts