Surfing Ruined My Life

I can’t believe I am even about to entertain writing this week’ s UCB.  Then again maybe it just reinforces just how little I give a fuck anymore about anything.  John Mauriello takes the cake again with the topic “What if instead of having finger tips at the end of our fingers if we had ten tiny butts”.  At first when I read this I just laughed and dismissed it as pure stupidity. Sometimes it is those instances that call for a worthy topic.  I believe this not to be one of them.

What if I woke up tomorrow and had little asses on my fingers.  I guess that would be kind of gnarly. Would each of these asses work on their own system of digestion.  If that is the case I could conceptually be taking shits all day.  I mean tiny little turds but turds none the less.  My next thought would be how stinky it would be if all those little assholes were constantly farting all day long.  Plus I work with my hands preparing food, how unsanitary would that be?  Ass fingers would totally break a few health code regulations.

On the other hand if I had butt fingers I could walk around giving people dirty Sanchez’s all day.  I could maybe even get the little guys to shoot diarrhea at my enemies.  Would I still have an ass for my ass or would that then become a giant finger tip.  So many questions, so few answers.  No thank you I think I will just keep my hands asshole free.  As far as my personality is concerned that is a different story all together.  Thanks for allowing me to waist your time and help to reinforce what an idiot I am.

Well this is not exactly butt fingers, but its still rather gnarly.