Surfing Ruined My Life

I know its been a while my friends.  I must confess I have been really busy doing absolutely nothing.  Sometimes that is what bogs me down the most.  My mind and emotions have sort of been rather scattered the last few weeks.  Between the destruction back home courtesy of Sandy (see “Speechless“), some interesting developments at work, my new plan to race the Iditarod, the worst fall season of surf after coming off the worst summer of surf we have seen here in the 805 in years and the usual bull shit I just have not been able to sit down and compose a formulated thought.

Believe me I have a bunch of half started blogs just waiting for me to sit down and finish them with the right frame of mind.  Kooky Kyle posted a great Power of Ten list that totally inspired me.  He gets the first 2 points of the Fall UCB quarter.

1)OTB: OTB stands for “off track betting” and it is the lowest of the low of legal gambling.  Basically they are at their best little clubs where people can bet on any type of racing going on that day including dog races in some venues.  At their worst they are little holes in the wall with a bullet proof glass counter for taking bets.  The clientele of an OTB are basically a collection of really sorry folk who have a serious gambling problem.  That being said some of the best Seinfeld episodes had scenes at the OTB and there is a great Richard Dreyfus movie called “Let it Ride” based on the horse race gambler’s life style.

2)A Free Case of Wine Every Week: I fucking wish.  Right now I spend way, way, way too much money on wine, being that I drink about a case a week.  I am talking a California case of six, not a dozen and always have help.  It would have to be good wine too.  I would really be pissed off if I was delivered a case of Charles Swab, Rex Goliath, Yellow Tail or Bare foot every week.  Yeah I am a pretentious prick although I prefer wine snob.

Just an average week here in Lisanti Land.

3)What if Prince Showed up at My Door as a Jehovah’s Witness?:  For starters I love when Jehovah witnesses show up at my house.  They are always good for at least an hour’s worth of entertainment.  Usually my course of action is to get them so fed up with what a piece of human trash I am that it is pointless to help me find salvation.  Last time one of those poor bastards spent nearly two hours with me and I think he was ready to cry by the time he walked out the door. If Prince showed up I would just make him sing “Wanna Be Your Lover” after which I would sign up and join in on the quest of the Jehovah witnesses.  Cause if its good enough for Prince then its good enough for me.

4)Why are the sous chefs the ones on top of everything and the chefs are usually fuck ups?: The goal of an aspiring chef whether in culinary school or starting at the bottom as a prep cook or garde manager is to one day become an executive chef at which point one can relinquish the bulk of the responsibility of running the actual kitchen to some other poor sap looking to move up in the world.  This slave to the kitchen is better known as the sous chef.  He is there  in order for the executive chef to have the freedom to better harness his creativity over the actual menu and organization of the kitchen.  If I were to ever open up my restaurant after I got things up and running I would look to train a very competent sous chef willing to kill himself so I would not have to.  Instead I could focus more on the actual product coming out of my kitchen, how customers view the place and that sort of thing.  I think mainly Exec chefs just get lazy when there is a very competent sous in the kitchen.  In respect to the sous he would rather not have the exec chef breathing down his neck all night either.  Its a give and take.  Fact of the matter is in most cases those “incompetent” chefs as you like to call them have paid their dues and are just reaping the benefits of such.   A good manager is smart enough to hire people  he knows can do the job to his standards with out constant supervision.  If I have to keep my eye on the sous all night then what was the point of having him?

5)What Country Parties the Hardest?: I don’t really know if I can be an authority on this although I have traveled extensively in my day.  I know every country I have been to I have partied pretty hard.   Then again I always seem to find a party in even the most unlikely of places.  Overall though I think the Aussies go pretty nuts.  Any time I am partying and someone is going absolutely bat shit crazy it’s usually is an Aussie.  Everyone has their moments though I am sure.  If Lisanti Land ever gets recognized by the the United Nations then I guess I would have to say it would be in contention.

6)Best Toast I Have Ever Heard: Its rare I hear any toasts that are not the same tired bull shit that is expected to be said.  Here at the Lisanti Palace I give a toast at just about every meal that is shared  between myself and anyone who is bold enough to join me.  Theses toasts can go anywhere from heart warming, to a brutal stroke to my narcissism, to nothing more then the usual gibberish that comes out of my mouth.  Two weeks ago my buddy Tim’s girl friend brought these two annoying hipster fucks to one of my Wednesday dinner parties.  This is fine cause I always enjoy new people at these shindigs.  Something about the two of them just rubbed me the wrong way from the get go.  Some body joked about who should say grace.  Being the arrogant, obnoxious prick that I am I stood up and said “we don’t say graced in my house cause I take no direct affiliation to any god and if we are going to say grace maybe it should be said to me since I maybe a type of god”.  Then I raised my glass.  My normal guest laughed at my insanity as always, the new comers stared at me appalled and my French-Belgium roommate had a look of fear in his eyes that could only be “how did I end up here?”.  Talk about creating an awkward situation.   Lucky in my house there is always plenty of alcohol to brighten up any uncomfortable scenario.

7)Favorite Thanksgiving Food: Considering Thanksgiving just passed and now that I don’t spend it with my paternal family it has really come into its own for me as a holiday.  For me it would have to be lasagna, yeah that’s right lasagna.  In an Italian family it doesn’t matter what the occasion there has to always be some type of pasta course. On Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember there was always lasagna.  To this day I uphold this family tradition.

8) Favorite SRML Avatar: Well I have to be honest my regular readers with the exception of Kiefer and myself it seems most of you just use the little monsters Word Press assigns to you.  I have to say Kiefer’s is pretty awesome.  Mine, well shit that a picture of Alfie all jacked up on an over dose of flea medication, pre-heroin days is classic

9) Is Parko Going to Win at Pipe: I don’t really know what to expect.  The ASP WCT has basically become as valid as professional wrestling where judging is concerned.  Historically we have seen Parko blow the title race more times then once at Pipe Line  then again he does surf the place rather well and has a pretty good track record for getting into the final rounds.  At this point the only guy who can stop him is Slater and I believe in order for that to happen Parko would need to go down before the quarters and Slater win the entire event.  Slater winning at Pipe is not out of the question. He seems more motivated this year in Hawaii then we have seen in a long time.   The reason why Parko is your current ratings leader is because he has been Mr. Consistent all season.  At this point my prediction is Slater will take Pipe but Parko will win the world title.  Like I said I have little faith in the ASP judges so your guess is as good as mine. Never discount the Champ, he comes out of a tube at around 1:34 in the video below that is absurd…

10) The Evolution of the Wild Cat: My tenure at the Wild Cat started in March 2008.  Back then it was pretty much a full on gay bar on some nights or a gnarly Mexican gang hang out on others.  Consequently being a homophobic New Jersey guy I stayed away.  My friend Julie brought my boy Brennan and I in there for a crazy night of partying.  It was then that we realized the potential of the place for partying and picking up chicks alike.  By mid 2009 I was going there pretty exclusively with the occasional stop at Sharkeez, Sand Bar, James Joyce and O’Malley’s because Corey was in love with the bar tender there.  I met Adrienne there in the summer of 2009 and ironically as a result of her my time at the Kitty was decreased to one night a week about twice a month.  By 2011 when we broke up and I returned to the Cat I was nearly forgotten by most of the regulars and staff.  Sara still tended bar there and remembered all the money Corey and I used to blow.  Amber was still working as a waitress, the entire security staff was basically the same and Sharon a bar tender I greased up a ton back in the day had just began working there again.  The place had become my comfort zone and I pretty much found myself there most nights of the week.  These days I am very well taken care of and one can find me at the Wild Cat any time I step out downtown which is always Friday through Sunday with occasional odd days mixed in for good measure.  It’s my Cheers, just bit more gnarly.  At the moment I have some really tight friends I roll with who have become my own little rat pack so to speak.  In the end I would really like to see my relationship with the Wild Cat dissolve into almost never.  For now it fills a certain void in my life and I will leave it at that.