Surfing Ruined My Life

John John Florence reminding us that surfing is a progressive sport.

As many of you know the Oakley Pro Bali Pro recently concluded in less then stellar waves in a less then stellar final with less then stellar judging.  I don’t know about you folks but for me I was at a loss to understand why this contest sucked so much.  It was at Keramas a wave every single person on the WCT with maybe the exception of the Irish guy, who’s name I can’t recall (but who cares since he will most likely not be on tour next year anyway with his weak ass game) has spent time at.  The performances should have been mind boggling.  I for one thought it would be nothing then the most progressive airs and maneuvers seen in competition yet.

Then I remembered that Dane Reynolds is not on tour anymore and that the wild card was awarded to Bruce Irons a man who with out a doubt deserves all our respect for his years of being a freak.  Lets face it since he fell off the ‘CT years ago its been a slippery slope in the man’s surfing.  To think that he could keep pace with the top 32 was laughable at best just like the Bali local wild card and the 15 year old Aussie grom.  Honestly can we not get some wild cards that actually shake the tree now and again?  I know its nice not to have upsets in Round 2 and 3, but does anyone remember the Dane/Parko heat in the Quicksilver pro at Snapper two years ago when he made the guy look like a kook?  If you missed it lets just say for a brief moment everyone in attendance knew who the best surfer in the world actually was.  Of course then in the next round he lost with a combined wave score of 3.24.

This turn looks rather impossible but knowing Dane he made it.

Unfortunately for us Dane decided he would rather surf 2 ft onshore Emma Wood then mix up with the worlds best.  To each there own.  Lets go over the venue.  Every morning for about two or three heats Keramas was sick with perfect tubes and rampy sections.  Then the wind would come up and it looked like an average blown out day at Huntington Pier.  I was confused because I thought the US Open was not until July.  Thanks impart to these terrible conditions many were dealt a raw deal.  We saw Slater get bested by a very inform CJ Hobgood in such conditions despite the fact that he still managed to find two solid barrels.  Jordy found an early exit as well.

To CJ’s credit he killed it the entire event.  Between his performance here and Fiji I will be the first to say after a few lack luster years on tour the asterisk world champ is back.  As for his brother, well I think Damo is going to find himself with plenty of time to go fishing back home in Florida in the near future.  Too bad for CJ as he fell to a very in form Josh Kerr in the Semis.

CJ probably has the best back hand in the business.

How about our friend and 11 time world champoin, Kelly Slater?  I must admit he surfed better then I had thought him to do in this event.  Given the fact that Slater seems to only really shine these days when the waves are absolutely firing.  Fuck his performances at both Kirra and Fiji had everyone wondering what planet this guy was really from.  The man is 41 years old now and from what I understand was fighting some tendinitis of the knee.   That being said the he still surfed rather incredible and if you ask me I think the judges have been very hard on him all season long.  With Tahiti coming up you better believe if it is solid this man is going to school more then a few.  I still think a twelfth world title is very with in his grasp this year.

For a man supposedly surfing with a bad knee it certainly did not slow him down.

While I am on the subject of injuries it seemed a very good portion of the Mens top 32 were dealing with Injuries.  One of which was Freddy P showing everyone that he still belongs on tour.  With an ankle injury he still managed to put on the best goofy foot performance of the event.  His exit in round 5 was a bit questionable to Mick Fanning causing him to make an uproar Bobby Martinez style.  I am sorry I thought Mick out surfed him in that heat and overall was very impressed with his surfing this event.  Even if the judges have been sucking  his cock all year.

John John’s Air

“The biggest air ever done in a WCT event!!” That was what everyone was touting it as.  To his credit the air was huge and clean.  The media loves to make lofty claims then run away with it.  Slater threw up two huge fucking 360 airs at both Bells last year and New York the year before that.  Both were equally huge.  John Johns might have been bigger.  Who knows, its hard to say.  Either way it was sick and I was glad to see that at least someone stuck a big air in the event.  You be the judge.  Here is the clip from Bells:

and  this one from New York:

Parko’s Perfect 20

Kooky Kyle coined the phrase the “Parko Push” which refers to how the judges constantly over score Joel’s mediocre at best surfing.  It won him a world title last year and then Keramas this year.  Were those two barrels he got worth two perfect tens.  I must beg to differ.  Think back to Slater’s perfect 20 based on barrels in Fiji this year.  Maybe the second one was a ten but the first not eve close.  It should have maybe been a low 9.  It was the most exciting heat of the entire event that in my opinion could have gone either way.  Both him and John John put on an excellent show.  The judges ruined the entire heat by boxing themselves into a corner five minutes into it.  So they ultimately gave the win to Parko.

Then in the final they handed him the event when in my opinion Mickey Bourez should have taken the cake.  I guess the ASP Championship Tour has pretty much become professional wrestling.  In the last three years the judging has gotten so sporadic no one including the athletes have an idea how the scoring works.  At this point I believe they either have a tick tack toe playing chicken picking the scores or the judges just pick the winner of each heat out of a hat.  Which ever the case these guys get paid a ton of money and need to shape up.

An ASP Judge hard at work…

Tahiti is coming up next August 15.  Lets hope its solid for a change so that we don’t have to watch our boys getting head dips and doing turns.  Till then I guess we will have to look forward to the US Open on July 20th at wonderful Hunting Beach, California, a surf contest that has absolutely nothing to do with surfing.  There is nothing better then watching all your favorite surfers slog it out in terrible waves at a terrible surf spot in a terrible place while there is a motor cross demonstration, skate jam and grand stage with musical performances going on in the background.  Just the kind of scene Mickey Dora loved.

What you mean this isn’t the first though that comes to your mind when you think about surfing?