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Dating in the Year 2012: How to Meet the Person of Your Dreams

Posted in Anger, Dating, Deep Thoughts, Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2012| 16 Comments »

For some reason I feel a bit gypped being it is 2012.  Were we not suppose to have flying cars by now, wearing futuristic clothing  with strange rings round different parts of the outfit and I’m pretty sure we should have had robots doing all our work for us?  So much for that shit.  If the world does not end in December I am going to royally be let down this year.

I have not written too much as of late.  My excuse this time around is that I just feel sort of bored with my life.  Trying this normal “real life” thing and doing what I’m “suppose to do” really leaves a lack time for adventuring and a paling few opportunities for spontaneity, two aspects of my life that I have constantly thrived on, well since birth actually. Don’t get me wrong I am digging this “settling down becoming a useful member of society” idea.

I guess its fun to have to go to work five days out of the week.  Who really liked all that free time anyway?  NOT ME…NO! I love to sweat it out for eight hours a day in a hot kitchen serving some other guys dreams while burning my hands and arms.  All so I can be told I forgot the sauce, or the cheese or this side, or “this steak is not well done enough”.  Bitch if I cooked it any longer it would have been a piece of mother fucking charcoal!

Now that I got that off my chest this new mundane life of surfing the same shitty breaks, in the same shitty town, in the same shitty state, in the same shitty country has caused a sort of mental paralysis.  I literally have had blog writers block if such a thing is possible.  Then I gave my life a bit more consideration and realized that even though I am living like everyone else my life still manages to be crazy and intense.  Just going to the bank and grocery store at times produce ridiculous stories.

Rather then just write the surflog and the occasional UCB (which by the way has been rather sterile as of late, get those power of ten lists in for July) I have decided I am going to write about the adventures I have in my vain attempt at social normality.  Its usually a collection of great moments of failure.  The first subject I would like to write on is dating in today’s I’m too busy, high paced, smart phone society.  As most of you know I have been single now for just about a year and unfortunately have had to partake in the world of adult dating.

Meeting Members of the Opposite Sex

I use the term adult dating to describe dating after college years.  Once you get out of school meeting people becomes quite the challenge, at least for me anyway.  When your young there are plenty of social circles one exists in where there are plenty of opportunities to meet new and different people.  Those people introduce you to others and so on and so forth.  By pure probability of the social circle system there is a decent chance of meeting a member of the opposite sex who you may click with.

As an adult those circles get smaller and tighter.  While new ones become nearly impossible to penetrate.  If you have a group of friends you have been hanging out with for twenty years and you bring in a new person that poor schmuck has a lot of catching up to do.  Its hard trust me.  There is only so long you can pretend to find inside jokes that you are on the outside of funny before you get fed up and go your own way.  It sucks when your that guy people have to constantly be explaining what is going on and who is who to.

The Bar

Then there is the bar/club.  This is my natural scene to meet people.  Why do you go out to such places?  To meet new people.  Face the facts why go out and spend the price of an entire bottle or six pack  for one drink if you just wanted to hang out with your friends and not meet anyone new?  You could stay home with all your friends and drink for a quarter of the price.   On paper this looks like the perfect scene for singles to go out and mingle.

Maybe at one time it was.  These days its a mess out there.  Your average person might go out a few times a month at best more times then not opting to stay home and sit around on the couch.  I love the rules of probability so I go out a few nights a week.  My attitude being nothing is sure as hell going to happen on my couch besides Alfie clawing the shit out of my legs.  Of course when you go out a bunch there is another probability statistic that holds true: becoming an alcoholic.    Its very easy my friends.  One drink turns into five, then shots next thing you know your being woken up at 4am by the cops cause you passed out against a gas pump.

The quality of people you meet here are for the most part less then stellar as well.  Drunks love drunks after all.  My buddy and I have this running rule now: No Regulars.  For me this is sort of an oxymoron cause we are regulars.  The idea being if a woman is out as much as we are then she most likely has bigger problems then us.  Basically we hang around looking for the women who have come out for some special occasion such as a holiday, birthday, wedding party, etc.  These girls are most likely decent people looking to have a good time and worth meeting and they don’t know that we are there all the time.

“Do you come here often” she asks.  “Never, this is only my third time at the Wild Cat” I reply as the bar tender hands me another rum and coke with out me having ordered it.  It just so happens everyone I know is at that bar by coincidence that night.  The other problem with the bar is the fact that when chicks go out they either put on their battle armor ready to fend off any suitor in their sights thanks in part to all the tools and douche bags out there who have ruined it for guys like myself.  Getting past this armor is a hard one.  If they don’t have their armor on then they have come out to get laid meaning come morning I am most likely never to see her again.

Yeah, the club does have some fringe benefits 😉

The Grocery Store

This is a place I have just recently come to embrace for meeting women at.  For starters there are tons of women at the super market.  I am personally a terrible opener.  I never  know what to say and most times when I do try I feel like I am just being bothersome, get flushed and quickly walk away as fast as I approached.  At the grocery store I am the man.

I’m a  chef. I know food and wine.  No matter what section of the store I’m in if I see a woman looking at a certain item and she seems a bit confused I add my two cents.  More times then not it leads into a conversation.  Then I always blow it by not getting any digits.  I like to leave things up to fate that way.  I think if I see her again it was meant to be and I will ask for her number at that time.  This system is double flawed.  My short term memory and face recognition is spotty at best and odds of running into her again slim.  Its a lose lose for me.

The Beach

There was a time when I was a professional surfer and I killed it on the beach.  All I had to do was get out of the water and chicks would flock to me.  These days I don’t have stickers on my board any more and therefore when I get out am just another average schmo.   Yeah I still rip, but most women have no idea what good surfing is.  Its been my understanding that in general they think who ever rode the wave the longest got the best ride even if that meant riding the white water all the way to the beach.  Whenever I take a chick who knows little about surfing down to the beach with me all she says is “why did you keep falling” or “your rides were so short”.  “Look at that guy he has been riding his waves all the way in” as she points to some kook on a soft top flailing his way in on the soap…FML.

Besides surfing I have no beach game what so ever.  I think this is mainly because I am not a bro.  Also I have chicken legs thus shorts are not flattering to me.  One looks like an idiot on the beach in a pair of jeans.  Here in Santa Barbara there are no surf able waves on our beaches most of the time and zero in the summer when chicks actually go to the beach.  The surfing approach just does not work.

Maybe if I looked as sexy as this guy my beach game would be better. Hold on a second isn’t that the dude my ex girlfriend left me for? hmmmmm

The Coffee Shop

My buddy Mark thoroughly believes in this approach.  Its true there are tons of woman at coffee shops just hanging out.  Next to the bar I would have to think they are the second best casual social meccas.  I have a problem.  I don’t drink coffee. The caffeine makes me crazy.  I am a naturally hyper person to begin with.  Throw in the caffeine and I get neurotic and even at times am prone to have anxiety attacks.  Between the two It makes me rather unattractive.  Me on coffee:

Library, Gym, rec-center, church, parks

Although I love books and reading I do not like the library.  Taking out books is such a hassle.  Then I always forget to return them, lose or damage the material thus that “free” book became more then it would have cost to buy it.  Here in Santa Barbara the library has become the headquarters for the homeless.  I think we all know how I feel about bummery.  Yes bummery is not a word.  You can quote me on that: Bummery – the act of vagrancy.  Honestly I rarely see good looking chicks in the library and they come there to read not be bothered by dudes looking to get in their pants.

I don’t work out and even if I do don’t develop muscle tone.  I would rather just go surfing, skating or on a hike for my exercise.  I do like cute girls in spandex though.  Believe it or not I actually tried the gym briefly last summer on a one month free trial membership I got from Spectrum when I worked with FRS.  I did not meet any one and mostly got yelled at for misusing the equipment.  Eventually I got tired of the ridiculous amount of old men walking around the locker room butt naked with their shriveled up figs dangling about.

The reason I gave up on the gym…

What the fuck is a rec-center.  Do they even exists anymore, seriously.  If they do and they are filled with eligible hot single women please my readers enlighten me.  I will reward you by building a statue of your likeness out of a block of Wisconsin cheddar cheese.  They are more likely just to be filled with more naked old men walking around with their shriveled up figs.

I tried the church thing.  For the most part churches are full of beautiful good hearted single women.  The draw back is most of these women want to get married.  I don’t really have a problem with that per say, second times a charm right.  I do have a problem with the fact that the majority of these girls wont have sex with me until that marriage takes place and then some don’t believe in contraception.  Although I would like to have children some day I would like it to be planned and limited.  Oh and for whatever reason they are against drinking, partying and just about everything else that is fun. One thing that is for certain about churches is the likely hood of running into naked old men is rare if any.

Parks are cool.  I love a nice park.  There is nothing like a good stroll through a nice park on a gorgeous summer day.  If I had a dog I would be golden.  Chicks love dogs.  Then again I don’t really want to walk around picking up dog shit in a little baggie and then having to carry that around till I find a trash receptacle.  As much as chicks dig a guy with a dog I do not believe they fancy a guy who picks up shit and then carries it around  with him in a little baggie.  My dog would probably be gnarly and eat some little kid on the play ground.  Then authorities would shot him on sight and then me cause I wouldn’t let them take me alive.    Maybe its best if I just stayed at home with Alf.  Plus I once saw an old homeless guy drop his pants and take a shit against a tree in a park once.  That breaches both my homeless and old man fig problem.

The Internet

I don’t do the online thing.  A bunch of people have recommended some great sites for me to try.  I have heard countless success stories.  On the other hand I have heard countless horror stories as well.  What if I just end up having some weirdo old man send me a picture of his figs? I know it is the “way of the future” for people to meet.  It seems really unnatural and forced to me, borderline desperate?  I know I am old fashioned but what happened to meeting someone awesome in your day to day and having dinner?  That is actually going to be our next segment in this new series.

I have messed around with the Craigslist personals.  That shit is fucking gnarly.  You want adventure start answering some of those adds.  Unlike match.com and those other accepted, safe dating sites craigslist is dangerous and you never know who or what you are going to meet.  Anyone who is willing to put themselves on that forum is got guts and worthy of my time.  Believe me I have been on some interesting craigslist dates to say the least.  Needless to say I am still single.

Singles Mixers

Yep I have tried some of these too.  If you think internet dating is bad this is far worse.  On the whole it is a collection of busted ass people thrown together in a somewhat hostile setting.  Its almost like going to a stud farm.  There is always more dudes then chicks there.  Then we are all thrown into the coral together with alcohol.  It is sort of like the bar but with bright lighting.  I did two of such events saw just about the same people at both, drank my two complementary drinks and went to the Wild Cat.  Mostly if was old men walking around with their figs safely concealed in their trousers.

I hope you found some humor in this.  If you are single then you see that you are not alone my friends.  Even a person as wonderfully man pretty as myself  cant nab a girl friend to save his life.  For whatever reason I don’t think this blog helps my case.  Oh well if they can’t accept me for who I am then I don’t want any.  Look for more dating fun in another segment soon.

With a face like this I am always in constant wonderment why the ladies stay away. I know what it is: My good looks and charm are too intimidating for them.

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Taking the Bay Area by Storm

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , on July 8, 2012| 6 Comments »

I took this while driving to Oakland. One hand on the wheel the other on the camera.

***Post Script: I started writing this blog on May 26th about an adventure that happened May 17th thru the 20th. As usual things have been crazy in my life and I was not able to get it finished and published till now.  Normally when that happens I just shelve the blog.  I thought there was too much here to just let it fall by the wayside.  I hope you enjoy a great weekend in Lisanti Adventuring. ***

What a difference a year makes in ones life.  That was exactly what was going through my head as I was cruising up the 101 north toward a crazy weekend in San Francisco.  It was precisely one year ago that I was on the same trek, but under very different circumstances.  Last time around I went in a vain attempt to run away from my problems for a brief stint.  This time my intentions were all about having some fun and adventure while spending some quality time with some very good friends.  

Initially I had planned to go up sometime in June to cause trouble with one of my favorite partners in crime and SurfingRuinedMyLife.net all star John Mauriello.   Then my former roommate and another SRML all star, Brennan invited me to the 2nd Annual Lobsterfest at our buddy Christian’s house in Orinda.  From what I heard the the inaugural Lobsterfest was  all time.  Who am I to pass up an event that with my presence could go from all time status to epic?  Finally my roommate Dan was going up the same weekend for an event, the 101st Bay to Breakers.  I mean did I need anymore reasons?  Game, set and match.  

“I will be on the road by 8am”

Well that was what I was proclaiming at my usual Wednesday night dinner party.  Which sadly was the first without my sous chef and good friend Calvin, whom like many became a Santa Barbara, but really a California in general, casualty and moved back to Boston. (thats a blog right there for another time and definitely a topic worth shedding some light on) Dinner was with out a doubt not the same with out him.  For starters we went through a lot less wine.  Oh Cal why?!!!!!??? The food was superb as usual.  

I guess I drank too much as always and did not wake up till 11am. So much for the 8am start.  Then all sorts of things happened to keep me off schedule.  Schedule! Ha ha ha ha.  That’s a joke.  There has been a running gambol among everyone who knows me.  We like to call it the “Lisanti 10 minutes” (which I am pretty sure I wrote a blog about either here or on Myspace.  I will have to dig that one up. Find this blog in the Myspace archives and I will give you 5 UCB points copy and paste the actual blog text not the link in the comments).  In a nutshell I have  little concept of time as it is and now that I am not working well forget  it.   If it was not for the contrast of night and day I would be completely hopeless.

I did not get on the road till nearly 5pm.  So much for grabbing a surf on the way up.  Instead I trucked it through the 101 north.  Around Salinas I get a text from Mauriello “I hope you brought good clothes, we are going out tonight”.  Now this is the same guy who a week before told me he did not want to get wasted with me this year.  You don’t have to twist my arm to party.  Did I bring nice clothes?  Fuck I had five pairs of shoes in my trunk alone.  The Civic and I went into high gear and I don’t know if it turned into the Delorean or what but I made it in just under five hours.

Wheres Doc Brown? Marty!!!!! I really want to own a Delorean some day

Night at the Roxbury Gets a Little Out of Hand

I don’t know if it was from all the excitement or what but I as soon as I showed up at John’s place it was time to game up and move out.  Apparently he was doing a promo thing for this fledgling sunglasses company him and some friends are getting off the ground.  I don’t know, but somehow I think a very sound promotion would be to get Chris Lisanti on a program, but considering I broke a pair at this promo event I may be more of a liability then an asset.

It was at this club called Manor West.  I could not find my way back to the place if my life depended on it. I only know the name because It was on my most recent bank statement five times.  I am not going to mention the size of the tab, but will put it this way, upon leaving the bar tender handed me his personal phone number and told me if I wanted to come out at all over the weekend he would make sure myself and party would be on the VIP list, no line, no cover.  Just use your imagination.

A high bar tab leads to a high level of intoxication which in my world usually leads to a high amount of absolute ridiculousness.  We get to the club are through VIP the whole way with one of the most ridiculous looking promo girls I have ever seen.  She had to be at least my age trying to sport an outfit that barely fit her with a push up bra that I was afraid might explode at any minute taking my eyes out with the under wire.  For my sake it did not happen.  I was handed a pair of the sun glasses to put on. I concurred, which allowed me to not see a thing but shadows in the dark club.

For whatever reason this place felt a bit like the Wild Cat. There are plenty of you out there now who have experienced a night at the Kitty with me and know what it entails.  Those of you who have not but are a regular reader I am sure have a well enough idea.  Upon walking in John and I were both very sober only having a PBR and a  Bacardi mini shot.  That being the case it was time to do some damage at the bar where round after round of tequila shots were reciprocated.  As a result it did not take long to become completely inebriated.

The blonde bizzaro promo chick draged Dave, John’s partner out onto the dance  floor and we followed.  From there John and I full on became Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell in “Night at the Roxbury”. Remember that scene of them dancing out of control at the club.  That was us in a nut shell and we were all dressed up in sport jackets an nice duds for dub step night.  We have this friend called Face who is now a San Francisco based dub step artist.  At one point in the evening we started screaming FACE! as loud as we could.  Before long the crowd joined in and at pretty much most of the dance floor was screaming FACE.

I hit on some chick all sloppy.  I’m sure I drooled all over her face while slurring my speech.  Surprise, surprise she walked away.  No worries all I wanted to do is dance anyway.  That is about the last thing I remembered from the night.  The rest was all provided by Dave and John.  Some how I managed to close out my tab and we began walking to catch a bus.  On the way we stopped at an all night doughnut shot at my request.  I got a bear claw and forced John to eat a pink doughnut.  I guess I was a bit obnoxious to the counter help.

The Social Experiment 

After walking out of the Doughnut joint we ran into two homeless people.  John proceeded to pull out three dollars form his pocket, our bus fare.  He gave a dollar to each and then put the third one up and told them to share it.  One bum grabbed the extra dollar and ran leaving the other bum all surely about it.  In response to the incident he scolded John about how that was not good bum to solicitee etiquette.   All the while Dave was holding me back from beating the bum while screaming profanity.  How a good old fashion urban bum shanking did not take place is besides me.

Thanks to the social failure in sharing I had no money to get on the bus.  I drunkenly pulled out a ten spot but could  not get it in the machine.  Over it the driver just let me ride for free.  John tried swiping his metro card but was too drink to make that happen either.  I think everyone on that bus was just happy none of us vomited.  Apparently we had a deep philosophical conversation before I passed out on Dave’s couch.   The first adventure happened being in the city for less then eight hours.

Lobster Fest

Brennan and I about to put our new friends in the Jacuzzi. Wait is 180 too hot?

I missed the first Lobster Fest last year by about week or so and heard nothing but rave reviews after.  This year when my boy Brennan invited me jokingly on Facebook I decided why not.  It was not like I had anything better to do.  Besides someone had to help cook all the food.  The party was located at Christian’s family’s home in Orinda, a ritzy little suburb just outside of the city.

It was a quaint home with an amazing view.  They had this cute little antique stove that took a few minutes to get acquainted with before being able to work with it.  We had over two dozen lobsters to cook, I made a rice pilaf and roasted potatoes.  The boys grilled up some vegetables.  Their friend Andy, another crazy mofo who happened to find his way down to Santa Barbara a few years ago to party brought a few bottles of his own personal home made wine.  He had a Montreux red blend that I found most enjoyable.  I was supposed to meet up with him and see his set up and get a bottle myself but unfortunately had to leave sooner then I had expected.

All I can say is that a solid crew of people showed up.  Everyone ate, drank and had a good old time.  There were some failed pyrotechnics that could have burned the house down.  A drunken attack on a pinata filled with mini-bottles of booze where near death by falling off the balcony fifty feet down lurked in the shadows.  There was a computerized toilet I for one made a point to take full advantage of and a state of the art massage chair that basically had it’s way with me and I pleased for it.  I don’t usually do house parties but I must say this one was top notch.  You can definitely count on seeing Chris Lisanti at Lobster Fest 2013.
The Surfing
While going up to SF is never about the good surf you are going to score, especially in the spring time when the winds are primarily bad and swell window finicky.  The one thing you can count on about Ocean Beach is the fact that there will be waves of some kind be it good or bad and no matter the size it will take you way too long to paddle out if caught inside.  I was in the full on frother mode I have been in since winter’s end.  To Mauriello’s dismay I made him surf more then one session I think he would have been more then happy to have lived with out.  You can read about those surf sessions in detail at the May edition of the Surflog, 5-18 through 5-20.

The food!!!
Now keep in mind I am not a fan of food in California in general.  Next to New York I have to say things are lacking.  Maybe that is just my own personal taste.  As far as San Fran is concerned I have no complaints.  Every time I am in that city I eat like a king.  Remember I love jank joints that serve comfort food.  you can take that gourmet shit and shove it up your ass.  I have a serious hankering for luncheonettes.  First morning, well more like afternoon by the time we got back from the crazy night I described earlier in this blog, we hit up this awesome little eatery called Sea Breeze.  The nostalgia from Spring Lake New Jersey had me won over.  Then the food and service were even better.

John and I were still dressed in our out clothes from the night before and our waiter thought we worked in sales.  We hit up this amazing little mom and pop Mediterranean place literally run by a Greek Mom and Pop.  I was enthralled and had to try just about everything on the menu.  John broke the atm machine and I scared this poor lady off most likely being a “cocky prick” as Amber from Wild Cat likes to describe me.  Whatever the case the food was some of the better cuisine of that genre I have ever had.

Finally no one likes an all you can eat Indian lunch buffet better then I do.  SF is full of the places.  The one I picked was all you can eat for like 8 bucks.  By the time we got there the buffet was seriously lacking so we decided to order an Indian pizza “with out pizza sauce” as the menu described it.  Although I would noy call it a pizza by any stretch of the imagination I will say it was very tasty and I would totally get it again.

I love Mediterranean food.mmmmmmm

Bay To Breakers
Finally we get to the main reason I ended up in SF ahead of schedule, Bay to Breakers.  Apparently Every year during this time there is a running race that runs 8 miles across the city and it is a qualifier for the Boston Marathon.  After the race is over around 9am a ridiculous amount of people take to the race course dressed up in costumes drunk and walk the course while drinking and partying in the streets.  This thing is a full on party for miles.  As far as you can see in either direction of the street it is packed with costume clad enthusiasts all going nuts.

I for one found myself hammered by noon.  A bunch of my friends were going dressed as animals thus the group was know as the “party animals”.  I went as Ace Ventura cause you cant have a bunch of animals running around all over town with out the pet detective.  There was every kind of costume imaginable and some people were even naked.  If I had known I could have went naked, well lets just say I would have had a different kind of out fit on or not on.  There were house parties happening along the street on the route.  Some with DJ’s, others with professional bands.  All the parks were filled with parties and some even had people doing trapeze like stunts in the trees.  It was a sight to be seen.  I would with out a doubt recommend giving it a go at least once in your life.  There is a good chance I will be a permanent fixture.

Here I am caught in the middle of all the chaos.

That damn Route 152
My plan was not to leave for a few more days.  My roommate Dan who also came up for Bay to Breakers got screwed over by his ride home and hit me up.  Although exhausted from the long day, heck long weekend for that much I agreed to leave by the early evening.  Being it was a nice night I decided to take the Pacific Coast Highway California Route 1.  The drive alone is a breath taking one weaving down the vista laden Northern California coast.  There was a solar eclipse happening at the same time.   It was definitely the perfect way to cap off an already splendid weekend.

I made sure to stop for a burrito at my favorite burrito place in the entire world located right off the hwy 1 in the heart of Santa Cruz.  There are basically four options once in Santa Cruz for getting back to Santa Barbara.  One can stay on the PCH and keep enjoying the views through Monterrey and the Central coast. Although a very nice drive it also takes double the time.  Since it was already dark there was no point for any more scenery.  Next option is the 17 which runs straight across to San Jose and then links up with the 101S.

The route I like to take is the 183 which cuts across on a southerly angle from Monterrey to Salinas finally linking up with the 101S.  It is the hypotenuse of a right hand triangle and always my choice of route in any circumstance.   Unfortunately I was not paying attention and jumped on the god damn 152, the fourth and worst option.  On a map the 152 in theory looks like the best way to go distance wise.  Topographically it winds through the hills and is only one lane on each side.  It reminded me of driving in New Zealand, but with out all the giant logging trucks zooming past at 60KM.

I ate up about an hour and half of this sketchy road where I was owned by some dare devil chick in a Prius.  I can drive and my Civic totally handles better then her shit car, yet she was traveling easily 15 to 20 miles per hour faster then me around every turn.  Ultimately we all ended up getting stuck behind this RV pulling a trailer  causing us to have to cruise at 25mph for the next 50 miles.  As it turns out the 152 is also supposedly haunted cause of the high accident rate and that back in the 1920’s some sheriff used to hang people along the side of it.  All I can say is that I was a little bit spooked and I did not even know it was haunted.

Well there you have it a fun filled action packed  three days of pure Lisanti mayhem.  Yep all of this you just read went down in a three day span.   I assure I spent the next three days doing absolutely nothing to make up for it.  Look for more adventures that happened over the last month or so to come soon.

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Let Us Raise A Glass

Posted in Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, Odd Jobs, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , on June 29, 2012| Leave a Comment »

I stood on a bench this morning overlooking the break at Mesa Lane.  It was tiny maybe knee to thigh at best.  The weather was absolutely gorgeous.  Fresh off a new hair cut, I took a deep breath of the warm sweet summer sea air.  There is nothing like the feeling after a good hair cut.  You look at yourself in the mirror when all is said and done and there is this sort affirmation “you have arrived”.  Alright maybe that is a little bit of a stretch, but it is what such means to me.

There  were two guys out making the most of the meager offerings, a grom and his mentor.  The kid was struggling to catch a wave, as I stood there watching his agony. The guy out with him pushed the kid into the next wave.  The grommie stood up and cruised across the the wave’s tiny face.  I let out a giant hoot so loud he probably heard it in the water.  At that moment I felt his stoke and reveled in it.  What a day, what a week, what a month, what a year!

I just stood there in utter amazement of how beautiful the world around me was.  The islands were in full view.  A speed boat with boards on top cruised by most likely en route to the ranch.  A pod of dolphins frolicked along the swell lines. There was an old man walking his dog on the beach and some woman a little further watching her three dogs running in a blissful caper through the surf.

A huge smile was on my face.  I could not help but laugh out  loud at both life and myself.  One year ago (I sort of judge my years now from June 1st to June 1st) I wrote this blog: “A New Normal: The One Year Plan“.  Ironically while checking my daily stats I noticed someone read that this morning and it got me thinking.  What a pathetic miserably sad state I was in when I wrote that on June 30th 2011.  Back then if one would have told me that I would be sitting here writing a blog like this I would have strangled them to death after which committed seppuku.

Last night at my weekly family dinner I have now been hosting for five months surrounded by five  of my regulars, who really have in my mind become family and three new comers to the table I raised a class of champagne and toasted to what is looking like a very bright future.  Before  we get there let me take a minute to remember how arduous a road it has been to get thus far in 2012.

There were plenty of proclamations made all of which were pretty much shattered about a day after they were made much like most New Years resolutions.  And yes more drinking ensued, but  it was more fun drinking then depression drinking and slowly but surely everyday I began to feel a little bit better and a little bit stronger.  I did let a few unworthy people into my life whom I carelessly mistook as having potential.  But that passed too.  We renovated the Lisanti Palace so I could wake up everyday to a respectable looking apartment and want to get on par with my new ambient.

March came around and I saw the departure of Kooky Kyle who if not for him I may not have gotten through November to March.  I was sad to see him leave, but happy to relinquish his duties as keeper of the Lisanti Palace.  He went on to conquer his own demons in pursuit of wanderlust.  You can read about his post Lisanti Land adventures in his occasional segment here on SurfingruinedMyLife.net Kooky’s Korner.

After Kooky the keys to the Palace, ha that’s a joke to anyone who has spent time here(or the butter knife we use to open the laundry room) were passed on to this guy Dan.  He showed up on the scene and met all the requirements I have for a roommate. He did not shoot heroin, smoke meth or crack or any other heavy drugs for that matter, had a steady job and kept his mess to his room and was gone more then home.  The guy was some type of ultimate frisbee champion or something.  I though whatever as long as he pays the rent.

Turns out the guy was alright with me and I guess we have become a modern version of the odd couple.   The thing about Dan is he is super positive all the time always building one up.  When he would come home and find me depression drinking by myself in the dark he brought me out and got my head out of my ass.  No matter what the guy always got me looking on that bright side of things.  He helped fill out my dinner parties and as a result they are becoming quite the event.  Last night I made four contrasting styles of pizza and calzones followed by a splendid peach and kiwi French custard dessert.

This kid Sean I have know for years here in Santa Barbara found himself temporarily homeless and I think every reader here should know by now that no friend of mine will go homeless as long I have a couch.  Shit I have three and a leaky blow up mattress.  Sean came to stay for a few weeks before moving back to Bakersfield with his dad.  As it turned out him and I had pretty much went through the same type of shit over the past year.  Empathy can be rapturous at the right time.  Sean did something for me no one had yet out of all the astounding people that came into my life, each whether negative or positive contributing to where I am right now.  Sean allowed me to open my mind to possibilities I had for far too long been too skeptical to believe.

Last night as I raised my glass to make a toast to my new life.  Before doing so I silently thanked everyone who had a hand in the moment who could not be at my table, in time order: Adrienne, Aniaya, Heroin Bryan, Silly Steve, Sleepy Time Nick, Jules, Rye Guy, Kooky Kyle, Sorbo, Calvin, Dave, Vespera, Danny Boy, Sean, Jennifer, Anna and my always everyday people Ryan, Lindsay, Mauriello who put up with my shit on a regular basis.  From all of these aforementioned people I learned a bit more about myself and capabilities.  A king is only as strong as his court.  Thanks to all these people I will never have to worry about walking around naked unless I so choose “The Emperors New Clothes” style.

What the fuck am I rambling about you ask?  I mean seriously right I have been muttering on for over a thousands words now.  Who do I think I am Faulkner or something.  Well, about two weeks I hit a serious cross roads in my life and was walking the fine line between cashing out on my life here in Santa Barbara, hanging my hat where ever the wind decided to blow me or continuing on the path I originally set out on two years ago when I quit the gas station and got back to cooking.  The whole “growing up” thing and creating a “real life”.  Ultimately I chose the the latter.  Its fine time I stop running.  Maybe this past year was my time in the rock quarry like my fictional counter part Howard Roark (The Fountain Head, Ayn Rand).

I began putting out my resume to anyone and everyone, for any job available be it dish washer, prep cook or chef.  Yesterday I got hired as sous chef at a small bistro in Carpinteria.  Now, its only a trial right now and Monday is my first day, but Westmont was only a trial and that seemed to work out.  All I know is I am ready to meet this new challenge and move forward with the rest of my life.  Enough splitting rocks for it is time to fulfill my destiny.  The best part is all of it is for me and no one else, not a woman, not to impress, but just for my own personal quest to cook the most scrumptious food possible while enhancing my own person skill set.  “Please allow me to reintroduce myself”  my name is CHRIS LISANTI and I am not small!!!

Ahhh yes, here is to the Summer of Alf.

Sometimes in life it is the path more traveled upon that is the hardest to follow. I think I have finally chosen the right road.

 

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A Saving Grace?

Posted in Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing on June 13, 2012| 4 Comments »

I must admit the last two days have been tough for me mentally and emotionally.  I am trying to stay strong, but its hard.   Deliberately acting out of one’s naturally ordained character can be very trying on that same person’s animus.  I don’t believe I was predestined to be happy or positive.  Thus this thinking I could ever actually be happy is a rather big stretch to begin with.  

I always like to go back to the Aldous Huxley’s take on happiness in Brave New World “Happiness isn’t grand and can only truly be realized by the simple of mind”.   Then I read Voltaire who in Candide presents happiness as the ability to “Tend one’s garden” to best of his own ability.  Garden in this sense being symbolic for life in general. Finally I took a look at Henry David Thoreau and “On Walden” , his personal life long quest for true happiness being true to yourself and your own beliefs.  To be honest I don’t really know how happy Thoreau was in life.

Up until I read his works in college when I was younger I had yet to really find an author that veraciously embodied myself.  I could in some respect be his reincarnation if such a thing is possible (I have just recently been exploring the spiritual side of things courtesy of my new couch guy Sean).  What ever salvation or delirium he found it was by living rather simply and wandering.  Simple was the common theme here.  

Now I am an intellectually inclined person or at the very least would like to think so.  I will admit that yes I can be a very miserable person to be around.  In my childhood I was down right wanton to be around.  In many ways I guess I still am. I don’t believe I did it on purpose it was just in my nature to constantly shake the tree.  When such an action is taken the results are many times adverse causing my spirits to fall.  After a while I just assumed a negative out look on the world around me.  My mother once put a smile or frown face on a calender for a whole year to prove such a point.  

As I got older and did more reading, thinking, traveling and overall gathering of life experiences I came to realize that I should be able to control my own destiny and emotions.  Being such I got better at changing the way I saw things.  Looking through “rose colored glasses” so to speak, “the bright side of things”.   Its fucking hard.  I find myself constantly torn by contradicting thoughts and emotions.  I fight it well and really do try and stay in the positive frame of mind.  It has for the most part worked out for me over the past few years or so.  

Then there is surfing.  An entity in my life I curse as much as praise.  The most frustrating yet rewarding part of my life.  A true paradox, oxymoron.  Yesterday afternoon I was on the phone freaking out telling my mother I was ready to cash out on my life here in Santa Barbara and move on to either Australia or New Zealand.  I still may.  Then I went surfing and had a hell of a surf and my perspectives changed.  I was stoked, came home cooked a scrumptious dinner for my roommates,watched a Seinfeld and passed out merrily on my couch.  

I woke up this morning and scored really fun Rincon.  I’m not going to go into the details of the surf sessions you read the surf log for that.  It just sets my mind at ease.  These days even the bad sessions bring a sort of solace over me.  I was just talking to a buddy of mine who just recently got back from a surf trip and has yet to surf since.  The first thing I do when I get back from a surf trip is go for a surf if it is ride-able to wash away the annoyance of travel.  Its truly is my soul.  

I find myself constantly fighting this reality.  How is that my essence of being is locked up in a feeling that last no more then a fraction of a second at most times?  Yet it doesn’t.  For me that feeling lasts the entire day.  Even the memory or telling the tale of an epic surf rejuvenates me.  Then the question comes up “can I really surf the rest of my life”?  At some point my body will be too decrepit to remain and then what?  

At the moment I find myself attempting to build a life that would have me surfing less and less all in the pursuit of happiness?  Surfing for me is happiness.  Its crazy talk.  I look around at my current apartment and all the THINGS that I have, the furniture, wood floors I added.  “Nice things” as my ex-wife used to put it, some one who has definitely traded surfing for a “real life”.   In the accumulation of these nice things I have sacrificed so many hours of surf, and good ones at that.  Why?  So people can come over my pad and tell me how nice it looks and how I am finally an “adult”?  I could have surfed all over the world for over a year on what I spent to make this place look nice.  

At the moment I am working on a life compromise.  For me compromising is the hardest thing ever.  If there has not been much writing here lately I am sorry, but I have been working through many serious thoughts and emotions.  I have to lump the two together cause for me they are in most cases synonymous.  At the moment I am at a very crucial cross road; which ever decision I choose will with out a doubt decide the course my life for a very long time.  The decision I have to make is if what I should do and is according to society the “right decision” is the right decision for me.   Maybe I’m not suppose to have nice things. Instead maybe just maybe I am suppose to do great things.  If the ability to have nice things completely trumps my ability to do great things then something is wrong.  

“All men aspire to greatness, yet so few succeed”.   

Perfection is out there and for some reason I don’t think it is found in a compromise.

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I Declare This The Summer Of Alf!!!!

Posted in Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , on May 21, 2012| 7 Comments »

I declare this THE SUMMER OF ALF! MEOW

It was a marvelous day in late Spring on the hit television series Seinfeld, Season 8, Episode 22 (I know Im obsessed), when George Costanza (Micheal Alexander) finds out that the Yankees are going to pay him three months severance.  Upon receiving these wonderful tidings he stands up rants about how he will use his time and then “declares it to be the summer of George”.  Everyone has been patiently waiting on the definition of THE SUMMER OF ALF and what it is all about.  Well its time folks, its time!

Before I do I find it most pertinent to set the scene with a little back story.  I am as wordy as Faulkner or Hawthorne.  Too bad I am not nearly as profound and I don’t get paid by the word or at all for that matter.  As most of you know I work as a chef over at Westmont College.  One of the many perks of working for an educational institution is that you get the same breaks as the students.  What does that mean for me; summers off!!! Unfortunately I am not paid for this time.  Luckily my Uncle Sam steps in every year and invests in my vacation.  I’m talking about unemployment people.  Its not my fault there is no work for me.

Every year I am off from the first week in May until the last week or so in August.  This allows for plenty of time for activities.  Last summer I blew it.  I squandered those months moping around Santa Barbara in the hopes that my life would be taken untimely in a horribly painful occurrence.  It didn’t happen.  Why you ask?  Cause I could not get over the loss of my ex-girlfriend.  I really hope unless your new here you did not need that question to be answered.

Fast forward nine months give or take.  My roommate Dan and I were sitting in the living room and I was being all introspective about how I wanted to start living again and making the most out of my life.  No more self pity, loathing, anger, tears, bullshit.  Later that night I wrote “Of Things to Come” which was a comical yet very serious look at the things in my life I wanted to improve on over the coming months.  Upon reading it Dan declared that the summer of 2012 was going to be none other then the Summer of Alf.

I know what your thinking, why is not called The Summer of Chris?  Alfie had just as hard of a time adjusting to our new life as I did.  He had to deal with all the gnarl of me, heroin addict roommates, becoming a heroin addict himself, fleas and overall feline aggravation.  Now a year later his coat is shinny and full again, he is content in his new home and has a minimal amount of fleas.   I say why not call it The summer of Alf! Is that not what we ask in Lisanti Land when someone asks the question “why”?

WHY NOT! That is what The Summer of Alf is all about.  Its about taking the bull by the horns and seizing every minute of every day.  I am not going to squander a moment.  Its all going to be done in a positive, classy manner.  I am not going to rehash “Of Things to Come” you can go back and read it for yourselves.  I am going to have fun, get things done, be the remarkable, strong honorable, trust worthy person I had set out to be at the very start.  People are going to look up to me cause I am a solid human being and not some circus sideshow act.

My mother wrote me a letter when I first moved out here to California.  In the letter she discusses how she believed in me and how I was capable of doing anything I wanted as long as I put my mind to it.  That she was always hard on me cause she expected nothing but the best I could do.   I found that letter while cleaning out my junk draws a month before any of this Summer of Alf business even started and hung it up on my wall.

Its been a long time since I have done the absolute best I could possibly do.  Its about time I started doing it again.  The Summer of Alf has no limitations, no preconceived notions, no bull shit.  The Summer of Alf is the beginning of the rest of my life.  Big things are coming and expect to read and be entertained by all of it.  In the first week I threw an eight guest four course dinner party and just got back from a ridiculous jaunt up in San Fransisco, which you are soon to read about!

THE SUMMER OF ALF!!!!!!!

The Summer of Alf is all about Puffins doing lude activities on cereal boxes? So much for trying to be classy.

In all seriousness what it all comes down to is the taking things in strides. Me already making the most out of the Summer of Alf. Look at the size of that cup!

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Technical Difficulties

Posted in Anger, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , on May 17, 2012| 6 Comments »

I picked up some bull shit computer virus on Sunday and have been going nuts trying to fix my shit.  I have limited access to most of the features on my computer thus leaving me with limited time or resource to blog.  Know I am in the process of getting things back on track and I promise I will sit down and write something here soon.  I have been continuing and will be continuing to update the surflog.

“The Summer of Alf” has officially begun.  I will post a blog on that in the next day or so.

Please bear with me and I hope to be operating at full capacity by mid week next week the latest.  Then it will be business as usual.  I am going to San Francisco for he weekend so I am sure I will have plenty to say about that here as well.

With out my computer to entertain me I end up occupying my time by making things out of food.

How I feel right now:

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Of Things to Come…

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on May 6, 2012| 13 Comments »

Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone although it is sort of a bull shit holiday that has been over dramatized and commercialized by America in order to sell tequila and cheap shitty Mexican beer.  Seriously Mexicans don’t even really celebrate it.  Many believe today is Mexican Independence Day.  If you thought such you would be wrong .  Mexican Independence Day is actually September 16th.  Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates some battle the Mexican Army won against the French in 1862.  Now it is just another bullshit drinking holiday so that the general public can feel better about going out and getting absolutely shit faced.  

I for one was planning on jumping on the bandwagon.  I mean who am I to pass up an excuse to drink?  Then as I thought about all the fucking idiot amateurs that were going to be out tonight, the incessant lines and excessive cover charges for that reason I quickly got over it.  I went out last night and had an average time at best.  I think I will leave tonight to all fools who need an excuse to get drunk rather then be honest with themselves that they enjoy to get plastered from time to time.   What is with all these drinking holidays falling on a weekend this year?  First St. Pats, now Cinco de Mayo.  They are way more fun on weekdays so everyone who works a normal Monday through Friday week can feel what its like to work the entire day with hangover like us weekend workers do.

America Fuck Yeah!

 

Enough about tonight before I change my mind and cruise to the bar with the idiots and on to my initial reason for writing.  A blog ago or so I wrote about my current lot in life and feelings (see Food for Thought).  In this blog I am going to explore some of my thoughts about moving forward in life.  Take some stock in the direction I would like to see things move for me.  

The Path to Enlightenment

“Before enlightenment, chop wood carry water.  After enlightenment, chop wood carry water”.  This is an old Buddhist proverb I picked up in the brief survey I gave to the study of the religion.  I took from them what suited me and left behind the organization.  My religious views are not to be explored in this blog.  I feel this is a really good mantra to try and follow.  One who is truly enlightened knows he must keep at the path that got him to that point.  

I am constantly striving to find out more about myself, who I am, what I am about and what I am capable of.  I don’t believe many understand such entities of themselves or want to for that matter.  When you start digging into your mind, heart and soul honestly there is much there that is amazing, alarming and somewhat a bit unsettling.  Once you open the flood gates its not like you can turn back.  You must keep moving forward.  I have discovered a bunch about myself in the past few years and even more over the last year.  

The more I learn the less I know. “The wise man knows that he knows nothing at all”.  One thing I do know is that I know what I stand for as a person and what I do not.  I also know that I will not compromise this for anyone or anything and I never have.  I rocked long hair for nearly 16 years despite pressure from my ex-wife, family, society, jobs, etc.  Yeah I finally did cut my hair, but for me.  I entered a new chapter in my life and wanted a new hairstyle to go with it.  I plan on continuing this existential journey through my character and how it interacts both positive and adverse in our society making adjustments where necessary to suit me and no one else.  No one can tell you what you need or want besides you.  That my friends is how I intend to live out my days. 

The Short List
 

These are some things I wish to accomplish over the coming months or at the very least better myself in.  If you don’t have some type of direction then you are just running around like dog chasing his tail.  Here is to moving vertically.

Get Back into Music
I play the saxophones rather well and enjoy doing it.  At one point it was my job and that basically ruined the whole thing for me.  After a very short stint in that industry I burnt out and went rouge.  That was over ten years ago.  I have never stopped playing.  I did a little work last summer in the musical theatre genre that was a blast (see “A Trip Back East” Blog for more on that).  I really want to get back into Jazz.  I’m not even talking about performance.  I would just love to meet a few like minded people who would be stoked on pulling out a real book and blowing from time to time.  So if your in the Santa Barbara area and have a yearning to play some of that Jazz music please hit me up.

Learn to Speak Italian
This is more of a necessity to go with one of my other more long term directions, which I will discuss later on.  I am not sure as of late how to accomplish this task.  At the moment I am leading towards taking classes at Santa Barbara City College.  I was also thinking about trying some of those language tapes as well.  Any suggestions would be very helpful.  Maybe I will just kidnap an Italian, lock him/her in my hall closet, force feed him/her cat food and speak conversational Italian with me on a daily basis.  I could def think of one Italian here in SB that deserves such treatment.
 

Go Surfing As Much As Possible
This plan has already been put into action.  I have been really lazy as far as surfing is concerned over the past year.  Yeah I don’t do it competitively or professionally anymore, but it is my best source of enjoyment, exercise and therapy.  I know we are steadily approaching our off season here in the 805.  There are still plenty of waves that can be enjoyed by the intrepid and willing.  I was once both and want to be once again.  Its always more fun when your out there.  Visit the surf log for my daily surfing escapades and more.

Time to get my grovel on…

Read More Books
I have been very, very lazy on the reading front.  I used get to read nearly two novels a month.  Now I am down to around three a year.  This really puts a damper on my thirst to read as many great works of literature as possible.  I have a rather extensive collection of classics many of which I have sadly yet to read.  

Write More
This one goes all around from blogging, to my novel, to another writing project I have been working, to a possible cooking show my buddy and I are working on pitching, to short stories. I am also in the process of a SurfingRuinedMyLife.net redesign.   

Explore more of the greater Santa Barbara Area
It was not long ago, maybe two years to be somewhat exact that my boy Brennan and I set out to attack a list of 101 free things to do in Santa Barbara.  In the process we did and saw many really fun and amazing things.  Since then I have still been striking out to explore my home albeit not as frequently.  There are plenty of places with in a fifty mile radius or so that I have to check off my list and this may be the summer for it.  No matter what I’m sure you will get to read about the results here.

Just another Santa Barbara Adventure!

 Finish the Coffee Table
Ok this project has been going on for almost two years now and the odds of its completion slim, me ruining it in the attempt very good or finding a better one on craigslist most likely.  You never know at the moment I am feeling very ambitious. We never thought the renovations on the Lisanti Palace would come to pass either.

The current state of my coffee table:(

 

Drink and Party Less
How am I going to accomplish all this you ask?  Well one of the things I am going to cut out is the number of hours I spend per week getting hammered both downtown and at home.  When you drink and party all night you sleep and are sick all day or even days depending. The amount of money such a life style amounts to is preposterous.   That does not mean I am going all Mormon on you.  All it means is I am going to bring things down to a safer more manageable level before I end up dead by 40.  Everything in moderation after all.

The high life…Looks enticing huh? Its not all its cracked up to be.

Grow a Mustache

I DON’T THINK SO…Been there done that scared myself and everyone around me for one week too long.

That is the meat of what I think the “Summer of Alf” (what I am billing the summer of 2012) is going to be all about.  Stay tuned for some of my long term accomplishments soon…And of course regular updates, departments and other fun from Lisanti Land.


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Food for Thought

Posted in Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , on April 25, 2012| 4 Comments »

It was last Wednesday evening that things began making sense to me again.  One year ago my life was in absolute shambles. I had plans, the means to execute those plans and high expectations.  I had this mental imagine, a dream have you of the way the rest of my life was going to pan out.  If I learned anything from Steinbeck its that “the best plans of mice and men may go astray”.  Shakespeare has always warned me to “beware of the ides of March”.

At that time in my life I did not head either great writer’s advice.  When things went awry I had no where to turn in my mind but the bottle.  Anyone who reads regularly can attest to the less then stellar results that have come out of such.  If your new here just peruse some blogs exactly a year ago and maybe a few from the summer and fall.  They will fill in all the blanks immensely.

I was lucky in that I had a strong support system of friends who were not about to sit around and watch me destroy myself.  You know what I am still here and sure I still drink a bit too much, but “kill all  my demons and my angels may die too”.  In all seriousness I have been working on reducing my alcoholism back down to a safer level.   I must say it has been a crazy, scary yet invigorating ride to arrive at the point I am at now.

There I sat out in the middle of a very disorganized lineup at New Jetty with two other guys out making the most of the crossed up lefts that were coming in.  It was more then just a surf.  The sun was going down, the lighting perfect to allow the mountains to reflect all the colors of the sunset.   I looked up the coast line, one where the mountains literally meet the ocean, then back out to the horizon at the channel islands ominously floating in perpetual solidarity.   The world around me is so breathtaking.  That is why I live my life.  That is why I always have.

I let myself get so dragged down into the mud that I forgot what being alive was all about.  I still have no idea what is going to happen, but then again it really is not my place to know.  If one knew his own fate would his life still be worth living?  I know I have been lost for a while now, maybe the last four years of my life even.  I had put all of my cards into surfing and as that ticket slowly ran out I was unsure of where to turn.  I think that was where Adrienne came into the picture.

She kind of gave me a new reason to live.  I was wrong to put all my eggs in someone else’s basket and ultimately I don’t really know how happy I was with our arrangement anyway.  I spent so much time trying to glorify it and living in a constant state of veneration of what we were that I clouded what our reality was.  The truth is Ade’s and I lived very separate lives for a couple and both of us let a lot slide with the other cause it was not worth arguing about.  When I look back on things now I realized that we almost never fought and I know on my side of things and I believe on hers too it was because neither of us cared enough about any topic to make it worth our while.  All the big issues we never resolved just pushed under the rug.

I was never good at compromising and I am pretty sure it is a skill she lacks as well.  I know right now your reading this thinking why is he rehashing all this?  The answer my friends is that sometimes I need to put things into writing when my thought process on them has finally reached a conclusion.  Call this my final closure on the Adrienne issue.  I have been stewing on these thoughts for a year.

So basically the reason we did not work was because neither of us found it worth while to put the necessary effort in that two people in relationship have to in order to keep it moving into a forward direction.  Ultimately we hit an impasse and by the time I realized it things had already spiraled out of control.  Looking back objectively now things sort of went down hill steadily after we moved in together.  Much of that is due to many factors that we never bothered to address.  Its like a car, over time there are certain maintenance issues that need to be regularly handled for the vehicle to remain functional.  If you miss oil changes and regular service eventually that car will break down no matter how strong it was initially.

In our a case neither of us really gave a shit about making things work.  Now that I see that clearly it is no wonder what happened happened.  I mean could the situation had been dealt with better sure, but I guess what went down was in true Lisanti Land fashion. In my world there are only extremes and nothing in between.  I must say I would not have it any other way.  Insanity or as Micheala put it Lisanity becomes me.   I think the moment I went wrong was when I tried to compromise what I am about.

Where does that leave me?  My new roommate Dan put things in perspective perfectly a few weeks ago after spending just a short time in Lisanti Land.  This guy lives in the palace full time and those of you who have spent time here know exactly the level of ridiculousness that goes down on a normal week.  To my readers if you think you get the full story here you don’t know the half of it.  There are plenty of instances that go down that are either too embarrassing, incriminating , just plain wrong to put on any kind of public record or go lost in the mix of all the other craziness.  Those are the stories you  have to come to the palace to hear from my lips to your ears.   Then live your own adventures with us.

Dan being a complete outsider to my world.  I mean I could not have found a roommate who comes from such a different walk of life then myself.  The guy is on the total opposite of the spectrum.  I think for me he has been and may be the necessary evil and contrast I need in my life.  An outsider looking in can often better observe what is going on then those directly involved.  About two weeks ago he said to me that I am an artist at life.

That is what really got me to understand myself and my entire reason for being.  On greater thought he is one hundred percent correct.  I am an artist at living and the entire world has been my canvas.  Since as long as I can remember I have custom tailored ever facet of my existence to suit me perfectly.  Every detail down to the color socks I wear, the type of bed I sleep in,  the club I frequent, the drinks I consume, etc has been thought about with meticulous detail.

My life has been always about not compromising and you know what I am proud of that.  When given the option of doing something I did not really want to do and be with friends or being alone I have always chose the latter.  Does that make me selfish or narcissistic, I don’t really know.  I know for the most part I get the most out of every minute of my day I can and always have.  If I seem angry, sad or frustrated at times it is because things did not work the way I saw in my head.  In other words I could not paint the picture I wanted.

The reason I have calmed down a bit in recent years is that I have learned that sometimes I have to learn to paint with in the parameters of the rest of civilization, but still manage to make the statement I intend.  I hope some of this makes sense to you.  It is a bit confusing even to me, but I finally do understand more about myself then I ever have.  Forget living out of spite cause the only person I was spiting was me.

Over the next few weeks I have some new long term possibilities (I’m not going to call them goals or plans anymore cause that seems so final and definite) I want to explore here.  And yeah I don’t know whats next.  I can promise that I am going to continue my art, that is the art of living and living well.  I always said one of my best characteristics was that no matter what I always knew how to appreciate the finer things in life.  As summer is upon us I would like to declare the summer of 2012 “The Summer of Alf”.  There will be more explanation of what that means soon.

A surprise barrel on an other wise less then optimal surf day is definitely one of those finer things in life.

Ready or not "The Summer of Alf" is upon us.......

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Old Habits Die Hard…Spring Break Day 3

Posted in Life, Music, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 13, 2012| Leave a Comment »

Well on day one Lisanti went into the Wild.  On day 3 Chris Lisanti got fucking wild at the Wild Cat.  Its only fitting that I started Day there at the Kitty.  Last night, gay night was especially gay.  I am pretty sure with the exception of my friends Mark, Adrienne (not my ex-Adrienne) and maybe a handful of other people everyone was playing for the other team.   At first I was taking things in strides. I was a little bummed about how the weekend played out getting blown off by that chick I mentioned in both the surflog and yesterday’s blog “Busy Bee, Spring Break Day 2“.

I was determined not to let the instance turn me to depression drinking.  Then boredom kicked in and around 1am with no real prospects cruising around the club Wild Cat Adrienne said “Get a shot with me”.  I am on spring break after all and have not really gotten hammered in a long time.  I’m lying I got hammered on Friday night with this UCSB graduate school chick I met.  I thought I might be able to pull her, but then she was kidnapped by her friends in the last minutes of last call and taken home to Goleta.  Goleta chicks are near impossible to bring home and visa versa.

Its a solid $30-50 cab ride, pain in the ass bus ride or long, long walk (trust me I walked it once) home for both parties.  Rule of thumb downtown: if she wants me to come home with her and it is back to Goleta I pass and when I try to bring them home to the Mesa it is usually the same effect.  Its just too far, thus the best one can hope for is digits and shoot for a follow up date.  I got her number, now I just have to decide if she was worth giving a call.

Man that got off track.  Anyway, Adrienne and I got a round of Fire Ball Shots (whiskey).  Now I don’t drink whiskey because for whatever reason whenever I do it brings out the worst drunk I can possibly be.  I get angry, emotional,  and crazy in a scary way.  Everyone who parties knows there is no such thing as doing one round of shots no matter how drunk you are.  They are addictive.  There is something about the bartender pouring your choice of poison into those little glasses and the looks on your face and those around you.  Everyone knows that you are on a one way ticket to being out of your mind.

Yeah, one round led to three, the last one taken at last call.  That my friends is the last thing I remember.  What happened after that is beyond my reasoning.  I went to black out town, population me.   This time there was no Kooky to help me put the pieces together.  Somehow I managed to get my jacket from coat check and sign out my tab.  I also managed to walk home, but barely I think.

Fast forward to 9:30am.  I woke up on the floor of my apartment directly adjacent to my front door to a text from Lindsay about if I wanted to surf or not.  I was fully dressed, jacket, shoes and all.  My pants were torn at the knee and the hip and I had a few bruises on my body.  I assume I must have fell down a few times on the walk home, but that is speculation, anything could have happened for that matter.  I checked my outbox/inbox of my phone to see if I sent or was received anything.  Apparently I sent Wild Cat Adrienne a very incoherent angry message, which I apologized for and she was cool with.  That was the only lead I had and she had no recollection of anything after that last shot either.

Whatever, I am still alive.  Since I was up I got changed and decided to go for a surf and it was a good thing I did cause Rincon was breaking.  It was tiny, waist with the occasion chest high set through the Cove, but it was flawless.  I mean oil glass and running down the Cove perfectly.  Some how despite being a bit messed up still I surfed exceptional.  I am talking a top notch backside performance anyone would be proud of.  The crowd was myself and about ten other people.  I was super stoked for the session.

From there I had just enough time to scarf down another bowl of cereal and run to class or nap time as I like to call it.  Unfortunately we had to do group activities in class cutting into my sleepy time.  It was fun and I found out about this cool jazz show that went down tonight of which I have just got back from.  On another note before I get into the show I think this will be the last semester I am going to spend in the Culinary program at Santa Barbara City College.  The program is very unimpressive to me and I just feel that I am wasting my time.

Instead if you remember back to a few blogs ago I mentioned something about how I really wanted to go cook in Italy.  That is exactly what I am going to do.   There are a few different culinary schools out there that offer intensive three month programs where I can earn a master chef certificate in Italian and European Cuisine, a stage 2 sommelier certification and a pastry and baking certificate.  Basically I will do in three months what will take me at my current rate years if ever at City College.  The last five weeks of the program I am required to cook in different restaurants all over Italy.

Who knows maybe I will even meet a nice Italian girl and bring her back with me to America.  There will be more on this in blogs to come as I figure the whole thing out.  It is about time I do something positive for me for a change.  I think a break from both the Wild Cat and Santa Barbara may be good for my health.

Back to the jazz show.  This girl in my group mentioned she was going to a jazz show at Soho, my all time favorite venue to listen to live entertainment at in Santa Barbara.  I took the stage there once myself and all I can say is that it was one of the best sound stages I have ever performed on (check out the blog “About Last Night” for more on that performance).  I asked her about the event and it turns out it was at 7:30 that evening.

I cruised and my buddy was working the door so I got in for free.  Turns out all the cats were local and they burned.   The majority of the cats on stage were so hot they had me hooting and hollering the entire time.   As it turns out they do these “Jazz Jams” as they call them every few weeks at Soho and anyone is invited to play.  The next one is April 2nd and I will guarantee that they will be joined by jazz saxophonist, Chris Lisanti.  I can’t wait to get up and blow with those guys.

I am even more stoked that it is a fairly regular thing.  Hopefully they like my stuff and invite me back to play on other occasions.  I guess I am going to have to do some heavy woodshedding over the next two weeks.  They had another saxophonist with them and he was exceptional, but in a completely different style then I play.  the group was ironically very “West Coast Cool”, where as I am definitely “Harlem Eclectic”.  West Coast Cool is a style of jazz that is more lay back and relaxed such as Wes Mongomery or Bill Evans.  Harlem Eclectic is more in your face hyper active like Sonny Rollins or John Coltrane.

That brings me to right now sitting here on my couch under my leopard blanket putting the finishing touches on this piece while Alfie lounges in felicity on my lap.  Goodnight everyone and stay tuned tomorrow for more Spring Break action.

I am sure I can find a bar just as gnarly as the Shitty Kitty in Italia.

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Busy Bee, Spring Break Day 2

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , on March 11, 2012| 3 Comments »

This is going to be short and sweet cause I really did not do anything all that exciting today.  Don’t fret I still have five more action packed days.   One thing I can say is that I actually surfed today.  I think it is the first time since like the 2nd. You can read the surflog to find out about that terrible surf.  A terrible surf is still better then no surf at all in my book.   You know what I actually surfed pretty good too and it always feels good when you surf good.

I got home, scarfed a bowl of cereal, Rice Chex with half a banana chopped up in it, ate the other half by itself.  It may sound bizarre to be so stoked on cereal but it really is one of my favorite things to eat.  I am like Jerry Seinfeld in that respect.  I once lived off cereal for all my meals back in my contest days.  I have this special bowl, I think everyone has that special bowl when it comes to eating cereal.  You know what I am talking about.  The one bowl that is the perfect portion for yours truly that fits just the right amount of milk and cereal filling right to the brim but not quite over flowing when you put the spoon in.  C’mon who ever pours themselves a half bowl of cereal?

I have this bowl that does not match any of my other dish ware.  I found it in the trash actually when I first moved here.  Adrienne tried to throw it out on me.  I have considered getting rid of it.  Heroin Nick bogarted it in his room for a few weeks.  Yet the bowl prevails now five years after I initially found it.   Its my holy grail for cereal and since it is correlle I am sure to have it for years to come.  If it breaks I may have to give up eating cereal for the process to find a new perfect bowl would be too tremendous a task.

While eating my breakfast I did my usual internet time, Surfline, FaceBook, email, Craigslist, SurfingRuinedMyLife.net, looked at a little porn.  I covered all aspects of the internet I enjoy.  From there it was house cleaning time.   Believe me my place had become quite the sty.  I decided to attack my stove top which thanks to last week’s dinner and drunken cooking had become rather gross.  I spent a solid hour on it, but now it is squeaky clean.   Cleanliness really is next to godliness.

I took a brief break from cleaning to go prune my garden.  I have been stressed the last few days from this girl whom I thought might be interested in me, but ended up shining me, blowing me off all weekend.  The least she could do is have some decency and say she did  not want to chill instead of leaving me hanging.  That is the last time I try and do something romantic for a while. I was never a flower giving guy.  In the last few years I have taken to giving flowers and each time it has just blown up in my face. I think I am going back to being a no flower guy again.

After a brief time in my garden I felt better.  There is something about plants that is so relaxing to me.  You take care of them, show them love and they bloom beautiful flowers, grow big and healthy and are aesthetically pleasing.  Their way of saying thank you for taking care of me.  If only human beings were the same way.  I am not to far off to going  into the woods some where completely recluse, Sir Gaiwan style.  That is a completely different blog altogether.

Then I went back to cleaning, where I tackled the rest of the kitchen, the bathroom which by the way was disgusting, then I Murphy oiled the new floors, polished my samurai sword, too much stabbing, finally I vacuumed the rugs and called it a day.  There is nothing like reveling in a freshly cleaned apartment.  Then I enjoyed meal three of left over vegetable lasagna from the last dinner I cooked at work on Friday night.   It came out amazing so why not.  I think it can furnish me another two meals.  Fuck if I am going to cook for a few days.  I am going to do another dinner on Thursday.  Those invitations will go out tomorrow.  If you don’t get an invite and are in Santa Barbara and care to join us feel free to hit me up here and I will invite you.  The more the merrier as far as I am concerned.

Now I am drinking a nice bottle of Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand, listening to Drake.  I downloaded like every song he ever did or was featured on the other day and am now weeding through it all.  The guy shreds, but 200 songs is a lot to go through.  I am on number 85.  Pretty soon I am going to put on this new black on pink pinstripe pants I scored at a thrift store with the tags still on it for seven bucks while the actual store tag read $120, complemented by my nice black loafers and this poked doted black on black long sleeve button down I also scored for like 12 bucks.  I love thrift stores, did I mention the shirt is Armani.  I think some idiot at the store did not bother to look at the label.  Where am I headed flashing like this on a Sunday night.  Well the Wild Cat of course.

There she is my beloved cereal bowl filled with my favorite brand of cereal. Guess what my favorite cereal to eat is for 2 extra UCB points. Put your answer in the comments.

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