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“A Heavy Abacus”, The Joy Formidable

September 14, 2011 by clisanti

Last night I got dragged out by a good friend and then some of mine to go see this random band The Joy Formidable at Soho.  The event was $15 to get in and I hate spending that money on a group I have never heard and most likely was going to suck.  I have been to a few other shows there just because friends were going and have mostly been left less then impressed.  This group is from Whales, UK and when I first saw them take the stage my initial thought was they were going to just be another generic indy rock band.

It was this cute little blond girl fronting the group on guitar and vocals, a bassist and a drummer.  Then  they began to play and I was captivated.  I really dug what they had going on.  The combination of chords and melody of their songs reached me.  Remember indy rock is not really my bag so it is saying a lot if I am giving the group props.  The lady was a decent guitarist as well.  My first instincts were rather sexist figuring to get nothing more then some ugly power chords and distortion out of her.

I was really Impressed, fifteen smackers well spent.  My bar tab from both there and the Wild Cat on the other hand, plus the subsequent hangover leading to the shittiest day at work ever I could have lived with out. Such is life when your a party person and a drunk.  Buoy for me!!!

This song is off their new album The Big Roar.  Its called A Heavy Abacus and was one of the songs they played last night.  If you like the tune, check em out.  I know I will be downloading some of their stuff very soon. Enjoy.

Posted in Groovin' High, Music | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Un Vanno!!!!

September 12, 2011 by clisanti

Ten years ago yesterday a shit ton of people died over a cultural misunderstanding and a long standing grudge.  Unfortunately the body count from that incident is still rising.  Humans are so fucked up.  I balled my eyes out crying that morning as I watched the towers burn on my television. It made no sense to me at all at the time and still doesn’t. I have a copy of time magazine on the incident a few weeks after that is like 200 pages with all sorts of stories.  I get choked up every time I look at it.

I was back east recently and got a glimpse of the slowly rising freedom tower.  To me the New York sky line will always be missing something, no matter how glorious the new structure may be.  Some blame Osama and Islam, others the US Government.  I blame humanity.  We have been casualties of each others hatred since the beginning of time.  The only difference is we have gotten more efficient at killing.

The more things change the more they stay the same…….

A friend once asked me why I decided to stop participating in society.  I simply replied that I created Lisanti Land because I was tired of being fed everyone else’s bull shit.  At least in my fantasy land I put on my rose colored glasses and see what I ever I wish.  A painted veil after all can do no harm to the wearer.  People take a look around you, things are not right with the world around us.  Maybe they have never been.

I would like to believe this is the worst catastrophe I will live to see, but I fear that I would be just lying to myself.

Posted in Deep Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

“Everything I am”, Kanye West

September 8, 2011 by clisanti

My life has been a bit on the crazy side again.   I know, when is it not?  If it was not crazy why would you ever bother to read about it?  Well things have been gnarlier then usual and all fronts, surfing, work, social, home, romantically, school.  Basically I am getting it from all fronts.  Lisanti Land is with out a doubt on the brink of spiraling out of control.  Then again it usually is.  You can’t get apples from oranges.

What the fuck am I talking about? Shit, I don’t fucking know.  Its after midnight, I am not drunk for the first night in nearly two weeks.   I burned my hands terribly at work, had some disturbing, although not shocking news that bummed me out a bit not too long before this posting and overall am a bit unmotivated to do much of anything lately, yet have been doing everything.  I promise I will have a blog to bring everyone up to speed by this weekend, maybe even tomorrow,  I just need a day or so to compose my thoughts on things and how I wish to present them.

Sit tight I promise there will be chills, thrills, spills and as always plenty of laughs at my expense, but I could not think of a better way to present my life then through comedy.  Its the only way I keep from crying.   “A smile can defeat a frown” and “when your smiling the world smiles with you”.  Or At least is what everyone likes to hear.  If you want a sneak peak check out both the August and September pages of the surf log, which by the way has become more of a journal of my life then just a list of my surf sessions.  I may not update new blogs everyday but I do update that section just about everyday. Enough bullshit and on to the task at hand.  This edition of  “Groovin’ High“.

Music is such an important part of my life.  I am not just talking about as a performer.  I always, always have grooves playing and if not then I am most likely grooving in my head.  Certain songs I throw on for certain moments and Kanye West’s Everything I am has spoken to me since the first time I heard it while at the 2008 North East Surfing Championships in Montauk, NY, which by the way I won, taking every heat to the final.  I had just downloaded the album before I left for the comp.

At the time it was pretty much the beginning of the end for my wife (now ex-wife) and I.  That is a whole other series of blogs that may or may not ever be written.  Look for it in a fictional novel by me soon (soon meaning most likely never).  Why should I write a novel anyway, I mean no one reads anymore anyway.  This song really helped me put my shit in perspective.  I can rap basically the whole song too.  I think Kanye may even be calling me to perform it with him. Hmm…maybe I will sing that one next time at karaoke night.

I feel like the chorus really applies to me and my life perfectly: “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.  Its true. I have this persona on me that exudes many predisposed ideas to others of what I am about.  As a result of this I perpetually find myself in situations that constantly have me looking in the mirror in astonishment thinking “how did I get here”.  Truthfully I feel like I am the exact opposite of what most think of me.  Sure I help transmit these fallacies.  Its always easier to go along with the hype then to let others down.    So yeah; “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.

My closest friends and confidants know very well what it is I am talking about.  Maybe someday when I am ready I will explain that here.  In all honesty I would not even know where to begin. I think a bit of mystery is one of those spices in life that many never get to be a part of.  In a way I feel lucky.

To go a little deeper into the chorus I think most people can identify with it.  “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.  How many people do you know or yourself for that matter want to do something and then do the exact opposite because it was the “right decision”.  Basically if your not being true to yourself then you are living a lie.  Unfortunately I am guilty as charged most of the time and I think most would have to agree about that themselves.  If we live the lies long enough then “Everything I’m not, made me everything I am”.  I think I have only met a handful of people whom I can say I believed to be 100% honest with themselves and each one of them instantly earned my respect and admiration.

Don’t feel bad if that is not you.  Even the best of us get lost along the way.  Shoots what is the way anyhow?  Maybe this is the way and those other guys are the ones going down the wrong path.  What is wrong or right for that matter?  You see what it is like living in my brain even for a second.  I may seem smart and together on the outside but on the inside I am even more fucked up then you.

Enough philosophizing over a Kanye West song.  Musically I love the samples he put together for this one.  I have blown my sax over this track hundreds of times.  Its one of my favorites to jam out on.  Say what you want about Kanye, but the man is a talented rapper/producer and until 808 and Heart Breaks I have to admit I was super stoked on all his stuff and even 808 had its moments.  I just think he went a little overboard on that one.  I guess he has a new one coming out soon.  I must say I am rather stoked to hear it.  Wow this blog was bit on the ridiculous side.  Please don’t write me off.  I promise to have some worth while material at some point.  At the very least there are for sure some stories that have happened to me recently that will have you rolling on the the floor in painful fits of laughter.

Got to love the glasses.

This one was just too ridiculous for me not to include.

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Groovin' High, Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Loose Change

September 5, 2011 by clisanti

This edition of Blast from the Past I would like to share a UCB I wrote back in October of 2009.  Even though it is a UCB no points will be awarded to this quarter to Scott for it. He already got his points back in 2009. Its a pretty funny blog I wrote about how I get off on saving money grocery shopping.  I always laugh ever time I peruse it.  I hope you enjoy it as well.  I know tonight I was in serious need of a good laugh.  

This weeks UCB makes a victor again of Scotty B. who apparently is fixing to oust Kooky Kyle as our current standing champ.  Scott did not win the quarter, Kooky took it.  Scott proposed I write about my “best super market score ever”.  For many of you out there that may not know me that well or have just known the Calified version of me, you may not understand what he is talking about.  I will use this blog to shed some light on the subject while highlighting my best super market scores.

Basically I’m what I like to call a genius of thrift or frugality, especially when it comes to eating.  Ok, you got me I am just cheap.  I used to save my money for surf equipment and travel.  These days the money I save means more drinks I can buy at the Wild Cat.  Aint alcoholism grand?

Super Markets in general are virtual treasure troves of bargains allowing one to eat like king yet live on a pauper’s budget.   I my friends love to live like a King and eat undoubtedly as much as King Henry the 8th yet some how always have some coin left over in my nuts and bolts budget (shit these days its more like a budget of bent rusty nails that only the likes of Salad Fingers can appreciate). Now many a stuck up person can and will shake a stick at some of the practices you are about to read, but trust me my friends if you look past the cautionary red tape that has been beaten into your brains about what should and should not be consumed then I assure you that there are ridiculous savings to be had.  I have not died or gotten adversely sick from anything I have eaten on the cheap.

Before I go any further with this I must go through my most recent shopping experience here in Santa Barbara.  Now California is not like Jersey and therefore you have to work a lot harder to find the savings.  Truth be told it has taken me nearly three years of coming out here to get it wired to which I still feel that I can do better.  I went to what I have found to have the best deals of the grocery stores out here, Albertsons (I am no way endorsed by this company or influenced any other way then the savings I get from my weekly shopping).  I have been shopping there four years now and know a good number of the full time employees on a first name basis.   In California its all about the club cards the stores have in order to take advantage of the biggest deals.  I think I have a card from ever store imaginable.

The big trick they try to pull in SB is the 10 for $10 dollar deals.  In some cases yeah if you need ten of something its not a bad deal but in most cases when you do the math you find out you really did not save enough money to be worth storing ten of anything and they never have 10 for 10 on family packs of condoms which really are the only things I really needed in that kind of bulk.  As 2pace would say “I get around”.

Anyhow, long story short I ended up buying $40 worth of groceries (my shopping for a week and a half or so) for $26.50 and that my friends was a high bill for me.  I had to buy a few things that last multiple weeks such as shampoo and sugar to name a few.  Albertson’s also every Monday night has this “Chicken Dinner Meal Deal” as they call it, where you get your choice of eight pieces of fried Chicken or a whole rotisserie chicken, two side dishes, a pound of potatoes wedges and a two liter bottle of Coke for $6.99.  I can eat off that for three to four days if I get it alone or my roommate and I split it spending $3.50 a piece each for dinner and then some, oh and I almost forgot it also comes with a package of four Hawaiian sweet rolls.   Back in the days of the frat we would get like three orders of it.  I think they raised the price to 8.99 now.  Still a great deal.  I have not taken advantage in sometime.  

How are these incredible savings possible?  Well here are some simple steps to help you on your quest to become a super market super shopper saver like myself  (say that ten times fast).  First make sure you sign up for whatever that super market’s club card is.  I know this sounds gay and you feel retarded having the little key chain cards dangling from your keys or those extra cards in your wallet.  I don’t carry a wallet anymore.  I am all about rolling my cash or lack there of small bills out around my ID and debit card.  You know what is not gay; saving nearly $200 a month in food shopping.  Getting these cards are free and relatively no hassle, usually all you have to do is hit up the courtesy booth and fill out an information form that you can totally lie about everything on if your one of those identity theft freaks.  Take your card (I prefer the key things so that I can always have my card on me) and let the savings rain down upon you.

Don’t shake a stick at those generic/store brand items.  Sure their packaging is not as flashy and you may have never heard of the company.  That is just because all that money Coke spent on advertising, Sasha Cola put into making their product $1.99 for a 12 pack instead of 4.99 and that is just one example.  I have also found here in California that the Spanish/Mexican brands seem to always be a bit cheaper as well, not to mention that there are entire Spanish markets that seem to always be a bit cheaper albeit on the ghetto side of things and not so white friendly.

Another money saver and probably the biggest one for me is the expired and damaged food section.   Not every super market has these.  Some of the more uppity places for example feel it cheapens their store.  These sections are not always easy to spot either.  Rule of thumb for finding this score of nearly free food, look near the entrance to the wear house or employee only section of the store and you will usually notice a shelf full of battered cans and ripped packages being sold for half if not three quarters their shelve price.   They store this stuff near the bathrooms too.

Make sure you inspect thoroughly the Appy (Deli), Bakery, Meat, Dairy and produce departments.  These five departments are a super saver’s best friends.  All contain time sensitive products that are ticking time bombs about to go bad.  Many stores rather then  throwing away these products will substantially reduce their prices sometimes as low as wholesale cost rather then lose 100% of the take right before the actual expiration date.  The best time to take advantage of these types of deals is at night usually after 7 or 8pm (don’t go to late or you risk the discounted products getting thrown away, which actually will bring us to our final topic).  If you notice that a certain grocery store gets a heavy lunch rush you may want to check the prepared foods or Appy department after 2pm to see if any of the left overs not purchased during the lunch rush have been marked down.

Shop Rite in Wall back in NJ was classic for all of the above.  I don’t think I have bought any meat here in SB that was not marked down for quick sale.  Pathmark in Wall NJ boxes up all their doughnuts and muffins after 10pm and sells a packed over full dozen size box for $1.99.  I used to thrive on those doughnuts for days.  Forget about Shop Rite that place will go down in my mind as the best super market chain I have ever had the privilege to both work and shop in (I actually worked at two separate locations at two separate times, but that is a whole other blog).

Finally last and probably the most questionable of my methods over the years is the dumpster behind the store after it has closed.  Food store dumpsters, be it a super market or convenience stores or even restaurants for that matter are where you can score a meal absolutely free.  This practice, although the cheapest also takes the most skill and cunning.  First off any time you go dumpster diving you take on some inherent safety risks.  You may have to fight off some bums, large insects and rats or worse, here there are skunks to contend with and entry in and out of the dumpster can cause injury as well.  This Mexican guy I work with Misha recently cut his arm pretty bad dumpster diving for thrift store discards.  I actually had to fight off a bum about a year ago for a discarded uneaten half of a sandwich I saw some business guy toss on State St.  Luckily I although hungry was not starving like the bum, thus my strength won out.  

In the case of dumpster diving for food you really have to use your head about what is still edible and not.  My rule of thumb has always been if it is still in the original sealed package and no more then a week or so past the “sell by” date you are probably golden.  Items such as meat and diary I don’t mess with, dysentery is no fun and the medical bills will totally make your savings null.  Bakery is usually ok especially if you get the stuff that is being thrown away at the end of the day.

When I used to live in Boston I always would score free bread and bakery products from the dumpster from the grocery store across the street from my apartment.  I just always made sure to get there before the bums.  The Einstein bagels in Wall NJ used to throw all their old bagels into their dumpster at the end of their day allowing me to pick off free bagels as well.  To my credit I have yet to dumpster dive here in SB, but with the way things are going monetarily for me, I think my time may be coming.

How have I gotten so good at Super Market savings?  My crazy mother was the coupon clipper queen and would go to every super market in town in order to seek out the cheapest price even if it was to save pennies on the dollar.   Now Im not this bad.  My time is more valuable to me and I figure all the gas driving from store to store eliminates any savings you would have had anyway.  I hope this helps some of you out there especially in these trying times.  Currently I am in the process of maybe setting up a food stamp thing by claiming I am homeless. Time will tell on that one.  As my roommate says “they can’t prove your not homeless”.  Wise words from a very special guy.

Posted in Blast From the Past, Blast from the Past: 2009, Deep Thoughts, Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Back in the Saddle: July Surfing

August 31, 2011 by clisanti

Despite one of the worst summers of surfing in recent California history I still managed to bring my surfing back up to speed considering the crapper it took back in June (see blog: Oh That Summertime for more details).  In July I was determined to fall back in love with surfing again.  I found myself for the most part done with my whiny ass self pity and back to my roots: SURFING!!!  I had a few surfing adventures including a trip up north to Surf Beach (see blog: Return to Surf Beach for that story).  I battled the absurd crowds for a few days in Orange County surfing Lower Trestles (see blog: Orange County Can Keep Lowers for that story) and I experienced the adventure of the summer, maybe the year, sailing out with a buddy of mine to the Channel Islands (See blogs: A Sea Going Voyage, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 for that epic tale).

All I can say is that the surf gods gave me lemons and I not only made lemonade, but lemon meringue pie too.  Below are the stats and stand out sessions from July.  Oh, did I mention Rincon broke legit a few times as well?

Number of Session: 23
Days Surfed: 19
Time Spent in the Water: 44 hours
Number of Waves surfed: 634
Waves Surfed Per Hour: 14

 Spots Surfed:

New Jetty: 5
Emma Wood: 4
Rincon: 3
Lower Trestles: 3
Fruit Stands: 2
River Mouth: 2
Mesa Lane: 2
Surf Beach: 1
Channel Islands: 1

Top 3 Sessions:

3. 7/10/11 PM Session: 2-4+ft, Fruit Stands
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 33
Fruits stands is sort of a secret spot on the Oxnard/Ventura border that everyone knows about but thanks to an inconvenient hike  and no easy way to check it the place is seldom surfed.  This was actually the first time I ever surfed the spot always opting for the more easy access waves.  My boy Ryan called me and said there were killable little bowls coming through and surf enough the place was a fucking chest to head high skate park.  It was a little windy but for a 45 minute window I had a blast.  Did I mention Ryan and I had he whole place to ourselves on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon?

2. 7/5/11 AM Session: 1-3+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 1hr 45mins
Waves Surfed: 25
Rincon in July!?!???!! I know its crazy.  I heard rumors all weekend that there had been been waves at the ‘Con and not just the usual little long board waves typical of summer, but actual short board-able waves.  This morning with the near negative low tide and some time for a change I thought I would give it a look.  Sure enough there were really fun waist to chest high waves coming through.  I was pumped.  I always forget how good Rincon is, even on the bad days.  I spent the entire session up at Low Indicator and High River Mouth.  If it were winter I would not have even entertained the session but in summertime with near piss warm water and 80 degree sunny weather, why not.  I was burning up in my 4/3 and almost shedded it for the trunks I had in the car.   Have I mentioned how much I love Rincon on this blog yet?  One thing is that will always hold true is that she will never leave me for some unworthy dufuss.  Yeah she is a whore, but she always sets aside her best for me.

1. 7/29/11 AM Session: 4-6+ft, Some Where in the Channel Islands
Time In Water: 4 hrs
Waves Surfed: 39
See Blog: A Sea Going Voyage:  Part II; Quality Ocean Time for details and See Blog: A Sea Going Voyage Part III; I Didn’t Expect that to Happen. 

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Chris’ Notes: Oliver Twist

August 25, 2011 by clisanti

This weeks UCB makes a winner of John Mauriello who inadvertently made a suggestion on yesterday’s book club blog and spurred on an entire new segment I would like to call Chris’ Notes.  You remember back in high school and even in college when you would pick up those twenty page summaries of classics and used them to cheat with instead of reading the actual book.  I know I did.  I love reading, but when you have to read a novel or two a week it gets hectic.

So as most of you know in the Book Club portion of this blog I always write a summary of my feelings on the former book each time there is a new entry.  John had asked just recently with the Oliver Twist that I write a summary about the actual story.  I got to thinking that would make a most splendid new segment.  Instead of Cliff’s notes which may actual enhance your literary enlightenment of a novel we will have Chris’ Notes that will for sure cause you to fail if you use it as your primary resource.  John gets 2 points since his suggestion will become a new segment.

Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens

Oliver Twist is about this orphan who is born in a Christian workhouse, a bastard child from an unidentified mother.  She dies in child birth leaving him at the mercy of this corrupt place of charity that over works and starves the poor, while the parish heads rape the system.  Upon his mother’s death she bestowed one of the nurses with a locket and some other proofs of Oliver’s birthright, which get stolen and pawned by another nurse.

From infancy to kinder years Oliver is reared by the forceful and neglectful care of this bullshit despicable old lady who profits on starving orphans. He comes of age and is brought back to the workhouse where his life just mildly improves. The modus operandi of the house being to slowly starve the poor while working them to the bone.  Nothing but good wholesome Christian values being dished out there.

One day after being forcefully threatened by an older boy Oliver asks for seconds of the meager gruel that is dished out during lunch time.  “Please sir may I have some more?” For this heinous act he is sternly beaten and a ransom is put out to any tradesman who will apprentice the boy.  He gets picked up by the local coffin maker who sees in Oliver’s eyes a kind gentle soul.

Oliver is very happy to be put to a useful cause and gives his all to his new trade.  Unfortunately the coffin maker’s other apprentice this douche bag Noah Claypole feels threatened by Oliver’s eagerness to learn and winning of the boss’ favoritism.  Claypole frames the poor boy claiming he beat him up and the cleaning girl, Charlotte, even though Noah is twice the size of Oliver.  Twist is severely punished for his misdoings and decides to escape and make a run for London first chance he gets.

On his way to London he meets up with a boy around his age, John Dawkins or better known as the “The Artul Dodger” for his impeccable feats as a pickpocket.  Dodger recruits Oliver, by making him think he is going to a good home.  In reality it is basically an 18th century London version of a Detroit crack house where Oliver is unknowingly taught the trade of thievery by the ringleader of the gang, a Jew who goes by the name of Fagin.

Deciding Oliver is ready for the streets, Fagin sends him out with Dodger and another pickpocket, Charlie Bates.  When Oliver observes what is really going on he is appalled (a result of his predestined genuine quality) that his new friends are ruthless thieves.  In his shock he is mistaken for the actual perpetrator.  He flees the scene and is chased by an angry mob insinuated by both Bates and The Artful.  He is caught up with, tackled beaten then arrested.

Beaten so bad he can hardly walk he is taken in front of the magistrate.  The gentleman he is the victim, a Mr. Brownlow sees in Oliver’s eyes that he could not have been the one who robbed him and decides not to press charges, instead taking the boy home with him where he is nursed back to health.

Meanwhile Fagin, heartbroken with the loss of his new apprentice sends a pickpocket turned prostitute Nancy out to find the kid.  Once cured of his illness/injures Brownlow seeks a meeting with Oliver to procure his story, being that Oliver resembles the likeness of a close childhood friend of his.  Before getting the entire story, Brownlow sends Oliver on an errand to return some books to the Library and get some bread as a show of his trust.

In the process Nancy the little whore she is kidnaps Twist and brings him back to Fagin.  This other sinister Gentleman, Monks appoints Oliver along with this bad ass criminal Bill Sikes and his gang to go rob these rich people in the country.  The owners of the house are suppose to be in the country on holiday.  Turns out the whole thing was a set up and Oliver gets shot in the chaos of the fudged robbery.  Sikes drags the kid with him for a few miles before leaving him for dead in a ditch.  Some how Oliver survives and manages to make his way back to exact house he was forced to rob.

He is found passed out on the front lawn and is taken in by the Maylie’s.  At first the gentlemen of the house wish to turn him over the police till they are convinced otherwise by Rose and her Aunt that the boy was too gentle to ever commit a crime.  They nurse him back to health and then bring him with them to the country where he is educated.  In the process Rose is taken ill and nearly dies.  Upon her survival she is proposed marriage by Harry Maylie, whom she rejects in order to save his bright political career, being of an illegitimate birth herself.

Time passes and all the while Oliver is getting well groomed and educated by his new benefactors.  Him and the Maylies end up in London where Oliver searches for Brownlow to make known to him the particulars of his unfortunate disappearance.  At the same time Nancy the slut who captured Oliver from Brownlow finds news of some misdoings towards Oliver by Fagin, Sikes and Monks.  Unable to live with herself for the wrongs she brought to Oliver, she seeks out Rose and explains to her that Monks destroyed some artifacts that proved Oliver is of noble blood and entitled to an inheritance.

With this knowledge Rose and Oliver call upon Brownlow who is overjoyed to be reunited with his young countenance.  Brownlow hears the story and immediately puts the mystery to pasture.  As it turns out Monks is Oliver’s half brother and owed half his fortune to Oliver when his being alive was made known unless Oliver had turned to a life of crime.  This is the reason Monks set up Twist and Sikes at the Maylie house in the first place.  It also turns out Rose is Oliver’s aunt and Brownlow was entrusted by Oliver’s father to make sure he go his share of the inheritance that was to be split between him and Monks by a letter sent to him shortly after Oliver’s father’s death.

With the fear of being brought to the gallows Monks signs a confession and agreement to pay Oliver half his fortune and leave England all together.  In the meantime while all this was happening.  Sikes brutally murders Nancy when Fagin has Noah Claypole (that’s right the old apprentice, now turned thief) follow her to disclose the information she gave Rose about Oliver.  As a result the whole gang gets busted.  Sikes accidentally hangs himself in attempt to escape an angry mob.

Fagin is hung for all his wrong doings, Dodger is hung as well although a few chapters earlier.  Harry Maylie denounces his position in life, opting to take up a parsonage at a small church in the country thus Marrying Rose.  Brownlow adopts Oliver and he moves there as well.  The tale ends with all of them happily passing their days in each other’s company.   I thought reading the book was exhausting, but summarizing a 600 page novel in less the 1500 words is just plain Masochistic.

Speaking of Masochism...

Posted in Chris' Notes, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , , | 18 Comments »

Lisanti Book Club, Book XII: Gilead

August 24, 2011 by clisanti

Book XII: Gilead, Marilynne Robinson, 2004, 247 pages

I don’t know all that much about this novel.  I picked it up at a yard sale for around seventy five cents.  Its a bit more modern then what I am used to reading, but the book did win a Pulitzer.  A Pulitzer Prize is some serious shit in the literary world.  If a bunch of smart people over at Columbia University believe this novel is worth a read who am I to argue.  I guess we will find out.

Summary of Book XI, Oliver Twist:  

What a dreadful book this was.  Many of my literary friends had told me Oliver Twist was a tough book to stomach and a difficult read.  Countless other reading enthusiast told me they had picked it up and were unable to get through it.  Always being one to stick my hand in the fire and get burned to find out that its hot I decided to go for it.  All I can say is that reading this novel was exhausting, demoralizing, depressing, heart wrenching and down right despicable.  I love Dickens but this one was a bit too dark for even the likes of me.  I am talking chills up my spine.  It took me nearly four months to finish the thing.  I mean sure I have been a bit on the lazy side , but usually I make time to enjoy a good read.  If anyone actually read this one I would love to hear what your feelings on it were.

"Please sir, may I have some more"

Posted in Lisanti Book Club | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

A Trip Back East

August 23, 2011 by clisanti

Where have I been you ask?  I really hope no one is posing this question.  There was a time when my life could have been like one of those “Where’s Waldo” books.  These days I am rather happily complacent (complacent is a stretch) at my quaint Santa Barbara home.  To be honest I am rather happy, at least the happiest version of Chris Lisanti I have yet to know.

For the last seven days I have been running amuck back in my old stomping grounds Manasquan, NJ and the East Village, NYC.  Life is funny, five months ago if you told me I would be sitting in an airport terminal at Newark, NJ in August writing a recap blog I would have made some strange PHSSSSST type sound effect and cruised.  Here I am.

Proximity

How did I get here?  It all started with a night of depression drinking followed by a series of parties.  That’s right every now and again my reckless lifestyle puts forth an opportunity.  I met this incredibly nice guy, Ken at a party of a mutual friend.  We got to talking and next thing I know he was calling me to work on some music with him for this original play he was looking to put on over the summer.

At first I was hesitant, but I read the script and fell in love with the play, well I think it is the last few lines that always get me all choked up being a hopeless romantic despite my cavalier façade of a womanizer.  Then Ken played me some of the music and I was sold.  He had written one of the most fun contemporary scores I have ever heard for a show.  Being rather burnt out on doing any work what so ever for musical theatre this was saying a great deal.  I signed on not quite knowing what I was getting myself into.

I showed up to this potluck dinner at this ridiculous mansion up in the hills of Montecito, immediately thinking I was in the wrong place.  As usual I arrived about a half hour late.  I find it easier to walk into a party with everyone already there so I can case out the situation and make a stealthy escape if I find the scenario to be one of agitation.  Upon walking in the door I found myself being hugged by eight different people.

That was almost enough to send me running for the hills, but they seemed harmless enough and they were after all theatre people.  It was an amazing evening and the passion these young people had for their craft was mesmerizing to me.  They ended up sucking me in to their “family”, the Proximity family.  Being on my own again for the first time in two years it felt nice to belong to a group so full of goodness and love.

We delved into work and next thing I knew I found myself learning dance steps for a music video, on the beach dressed in all black running through the ocean like a banshee, playing saxophone at a benefit event in a group who’s style was deemed “electro-pop-funk” where I took the stage for the first time in eight years.  Then there were exhaustingly frustrating eight-hour rehearsals, tantrums, disagreements and finally the formation of a remarkable piece of work.

We ran three shows in Santa Barbara for a packed house and were well received.  I had friends in the audience who never even knew I played the sax and were blown away.  From Santa Barbara we were rushed out to NYC to do the show all over again in the East Village, the first time I would play in the city in ten years.  Life can be amazing at times.

NJ

 I took full advantage to of the opportunity.  I usually only get to see my family once a year at Christmas time.  The last time I was at the Jersey shore in the summer time was when I lived there four years prior.  I decided to build a few extra days in before the show to go spend some quality time with my folks and sister.  Truth be told I had been feeling a little bit home sick the last few months and wanted to remind myself why I left.

All I can say is that NJ is a hellhole.  Its hot and sticky even at 2am in the summer and then in the winter you freeze your ass off.  No thank you, I will take the predictable moderate climate of Santa Barbara any day.  The surf was flat the entire time yet some how I managed to break my toe while fucking around in knee high surf finless.   If you want to know more about my Jersey surf sessions visit the surflog.

It rained nonstop for two whole days and was deemed by the weather service a record rain fall for that time of year.  Seriously?  Last time I was home for Christmas I got dumped on by five feet of snow and was stuck inside for three days.  The last time I surfed in NJ before this trip I cut my foot open requiring eight mattress stitches and severed a tendon that never really healed correctly.  That is what you get when you don’t have medical insurance boys and girls.  I am telling you New Jersey hates me.

I did have a grand old time on the party scene, getting to pre game with my boys Kiefer and Greg P at his pad in Asbury, met up with my old roommate and downtown SB partner in crime Cory Kisiel, which lead to a black out, old habits die hard.  Kooky Kyle brought me by the Porch to catch up with none other then Bojangles and Scotty B.  My friend Micheala took me to some fun bar in Asbury that had plastic sand pails full of rum (that was a mistake).  Kooky, Val and I went to some bar in Avon that had tiny little 8oz beers for a $1 where I ended up getting absolutely sloshed for $13.

Kooky and I hit on some random girls just to show my sister what a lurk was all about.  I pretended to be from California, but it went horribly wrong.  As it turned out they knew me from when I lived in NJ and call me out. “Your name is Chris Lisanti right? Weren’t you a pro surfer?”  We slunked away defeated into the corner and had a laugh and half about it.  They were ugly anyway and lucky I even talked to them.  It was only to entertain Val who was nice enough to be my designated driver.  I have a woman I am seeing back in Santa Barbara right now who as far as I am concerned is far better looking, intelligent and straight up more amazing then anything Jersey could even try and temp me with.

I even ran into former Jerseyite Beth Anne, now living in Laguna, but was in town visiting her family as well.  As usual we exchanged the same words “I hate this place, can’t wait to go back to California”.  I bumped into former Lisanti Land character Jiggles, who I barely recognized thanks to a major weight loss.  I guess we should not call him Jiggles anymore.

Catching up with my family was as good as it ever could be.  Besides a few tiny scuffles my mother and I got on famously.  We had some quality walks on the beach, I cooked a few scrumptious dinners, and breakfasts, including banana fosters waffles.  I think everyone gained a few extra pounds on my stay.  My parents and I played a round off golf at the course I used to be the assistant greens keeper at (I asked if the same horse’s ass owned it and I could immediately tell by the look in the girl’s eyes who took our fare that it was, look for an odd jobs on that job one of theses days).  Apparently they have been practicing cause they stomped my ass.  I was easily fifteen strokes behind.  I think it is just that I play better high and the chronic in NJ sucks, on top of being highly illegal.

On my last day I even got to catch up with my good old friend and one of my very first minions, Sorbo.  If you remember back to the myspace.com days he was almost killed in a horrific motorcycle accident.  Since then I guess he has been just floundering trying to figure out his next step in life.  We ended up bombing some hills in the Brielle Cemetery together.  I had not skated that since I was in high school.  I gave him a passport to Lisanti Land and an open invitation.  I really hope he takes me up on it.  A little time out in my world I think will do him a bit of good.

NYC

The last time I was in New York City was also four years ago and my time and a good deal of my money was spent at these gnarly ultra private clubs in the meatpacking district.  I am talking about places with no sign that look like an abandoned building, but then were super luxurious inside.  This time I was there on business to help tell the story of Shandy Wilkes through the melodic prowess of my soprano saxophone.

The show ran from Thursday the 18th to Saturday the 20th at the Robert Moss Theatre in the Village.  Initially I was far from impressed by the capacity of the small sound stage.  As soon as I pulled out my horn and began to blow I fell in love with the room.  By far one of the best sounding spaces I have played in.

Taking the train in everyday was quite the three-hour adventure, driving from my parents’ home in Manasquan to Metro Park, 45 minutes.  Taking the train from Metro Park to Penn Station another 45 minutes, then finally walking from 32nd street to 4th street in the village around another thirty minutes or so.  It was fun for the three days I had to do it.  If I had to commute into the city every day like most workers do I would kill myself.

Friday night’s show went down in front of a packed house, standing room only at times.  I felt in my opinion it was the best I had seen the actors perform the show.  I was blown away and that is saying a lot for me.  Saturday I went into the city with my parents, where we met up with my aunt and ejoyed a nice Italian dinner before heading over to theatre.  It was the first time my parents have heard me play live in ten years.  They really enjoyed the show, although no comment was made about my personal playing either way.  From my mother that means it must have sounded good cause although not apt to give a complement she is the first to criticize.

All in all I would have to say it was one of the more enjoyable trips I have had back to my childhood home.  Still it is very nice to be back in California, which really feels like home to me. One thing I will say and maybe this is me getting sentimental in my old age is that I felt a bit sad to be leaving my family behind for another six months till Christmas.

A special thanks goes out to Micheala for filling Nick the Kook’s shoes in his absence, being in Chile, driving me to surf, lending me a board and helping me stay in the party.  Sorbo gets a salutation for helping me pack and ship some new threads I bought. For those of you who don’t know him, Sorbo is a master at the art of packing and shipping.  Kooky Kyle and Cory Kiesel for buying me one two many drinks and my folks for being decent to me.   And my boy Ryan back in California for holding down the fort.  Thanks everyone, with out you Lisanti Land would be not half as fun.

Here are some really terrible photos I took with my cell phone.  Enjoy and thanks for reading.

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Posted in Music, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Oh No…The Power of Ten for August!

August 19, 2011 by clisanti

Nick the Kook gets two points towards his UCB tally this quarter by wining this month’s Power of Ten, a new monthly bonus UCB segment here at surfingruinedmylife.net.  It was between him and Kooky, but Kooky’s topics were just for the most part too involved, many good enough for a stand alone blog.  Sorry Kooky, so sorry.  If your lost on what this is, basically you throw down ten one word or phrase topics and once a month I will pick one list and write a short answer style blog on each.  Only one list of ten per reader, per month please.  The Power of ten is worth two points.

1. Before We Had Cell Phones: I love cell phones. I think they are a great invention at the same time they piss off the fuck out of me.  I really hate the fact that anyone can get in touch with me anywhere at any given time and even worse they know that if I don’t answer more times then not I am blowing them off.  There was a time only about 10 to 12 years ago when cell phones were a rarity set aside for FBI agents and movie stars.  Back then calls to me sometimes went not returned for weeks.  Ahh, the good old days.

2.  People That Sing Too Much:  I don’t really know what this is pertaining to.  I mean Kook sings way to fucking much.  The guy always has some tune going in the water, in the car, walking down the street.  Fucking choirboy, which team are you playing for chief?  Then again I do my share of singing too.

3.  Should Kooky Get a Blog?:  Why shouldn’t he.  Everyone else I know seems to have one these days.  That is the beauty of the new bloging craze, any idiot can give his two cents on the internet and publish that bullshit for anyone to read.  Kind of like this website here, man that Chris Lisanti is a moron, I wish some one could put an end to his terrible blog.  But no one can. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

4.  Dutch Oven: I used to have a Dutch Oven. I bought it at yard sale for like $12 bucks.  I cooked so much good shit  it was not even funny.  They are basically giant cast iron crock-pots.  Then one day I put it under the sink while it was still red hot and it cracked.  I was super bummed out.

5.  Surfing Naked: I have never done it.  Personally it seems to me that with all the wax and what not it would be a rather adverse experience.  There is this story about this crazy surfer from back in NJ, super devote hard core guy, and one hell of a wave rider.  As the story goes he had just got out of the water at Gunnerson’s, an incredible sand bottom right hand point when its on (this day it was on!) and was changing on the beach.  He saw the set of the day rolling in from way up the point.  Instead of admiring the perfection of the place from the beach this dude ripped off his towel and jumped back into the water, paddling into position just in time.  Turns out he got the wave of the day completely buck naked, getting barreled twice.  I guess it is all right since Gunny’s is a nude beach anyway.

6.  Organic Wax: Organic Wax sucks.  It does not stick to your board and does an even worse job of sticking to your feet.  Give me good old carnauba wax any day.

7.  Voting:  I don’t Vote.  I believe I address this issue every election day.  Long story short I don’t watch the news, don’t follow politics, have for the most part decided one useless liar is as good as the next one and until a candidate comes along I actually believe in I shall not cast a vote in any direction.  And yes I know that I am part of the problem.

8.  Best Cereal:  Hands down it’s Honey Bunches of Oats, any variety, although I find the original to be my favorite.  If I had to pick a second it is cinnamon toast crunch, but eating that every day would kill me.  Where as I feel Honey Bunches of Oats is at the very least a tad healthier?

9.  Income Taxes:  I like indirect taxes.  Sure I get mad every paycheck when it is like $100 bucks or so less then it ought to be.  At the same time I would much rather it that way then have to be responsible for figuring out how much I owe at the end of each month or year and save for it.  Plus I make so little money and live so far below the level of poverty that I get a full refund every year anyhow.

10.  First Website I Visit Other Then This Site and The Book: First site, the one my computer home page is set to is surfline.com.  The first and foremost priority in my life is knowing when and where my waves are at.  Not to mention keep up with the global surf gossip.

The exciting world of cooking with a Dutch Oven

Gunnerson’s on a small day. Just look at the potential of that point.

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Surfing, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments »

Bathroom Revenge and Good Times

August 18, 2011 by clisanti

I wrote this blog back on March 2nd 2009.  At the time I was living in an unofficial fraternity that I had started to enable myself to live rent free.  My ex-wife whom I wrote about last night in Feeling Awkward and I had split up only  a few months prior and I was for all extensive purposes drinking myself to death. This was initially published as a segment I used to call “Week in Review”, which is the equivalent of “News from Lisanti Land” now.  Initially it was a two parter, but I do not have part 2 currently at my disposal so you will just have to wait for it or got searching for it yourself.  I will tell you what, if you do find part 2 and are the first person to post the link in the comments it is worth 3 extra UCB points!  As always anything in red is added hindsight for this blog.

Well this week was a pretty big blur of a 6 day party fiasco, a ridiculous amount of surfing, a ton of visitors from the east coast and way, way, way, too much gnarl.  So I know I said I was going to take it easy on the party scene, but this week was a special exception.  Monday was my boy Brennan’s Birthday, Tuesday was Mardi Gras, then Scott got into town Wednesday and we had to celebrate, Thursday two friends of Cory’s came into town from Pennsylvania, and then it was Friday and Saturday so of course I had to keep on cruising.  Plus Pixie Rixon came up from San Diego to party on Saturday.  Rather then going day by day I’m just going to grab the highlights from the week.

Monday, Feb 23rd, afternoon:  After surfing some of the worst Rincon ever I was pretty much over surfing for the day and headed over to J7’s work shop to fix some boards.  3 hours later Brennan calls me and says he would be super amped  if he could surf a session on his birthday.  I tried to dissuade the guy knowing it was going to be on shore, super low tide and tiny.  Never a man to truly stomp on stoke we ended up cruising to C-street.

We get there and its like knee to waist high and side shore, but no one was out and there were a few lips that looked worthy.  We get out there and I soon realized wearing a 3/2 was a bad choice, the water was freezing and you know that once I get cold I just sit there.  Then there were these two little grommies who were constantly paddling me up the point add up all the adversities and I was pretty much over it.  Brennan got on my case about the whole little kids surfing circles around me thing so I made an effort in the last 30 minutes to school the kids which I did thanks to a 3 foot backside air on a knee high wave.

I got out of the water and my stomach was all cramped up.  These are not your average cramps.  Nope, these are those dreaded explosive diarrhea cramps.  Now I was surfing at the top of C-street and it was low tide leaving me a good 100 yards of rocks to walk over and then another 300 yard dash to the bathroom.  I charged that shit. I don’t think I have ever hustled that fast for anything in my life.  I get in the bathroom, the dirtiest public bathroom probably in all of Ventura County and rip my suit off as fast as humanly possible.  Of course I wore  the new Body Glove Vapor front zip, a very warm and comfortable suit but a bit on the difficult side to take on and off.  Not the sponsor plug, yeah I did my job back when I was a professional surfer.

I managed to get my suit down to my knees just in the nick of time before pissing out my asshole for a solid 15 minutes.  I mean I have had some pretty gnarly diarrhea before but this was crazy.   Straight up nothing but liquid was squirting out my hole.  To make matters worse I was dripping wet and freezing contributing to making this one of the top 3 worst bathroom experiences of my life (shit maybe I will write a blog about that on one of the free days).  Back in the myspace.com days I used to poorly attempt to adhere to a daily blog schedule.  It failed miserably.  I mean look how well I keep up with the UCB and that was suppose to be every Thursday.

Barley surviving I cleaned myself up, pulled back on my cold wet wet suit only to do a sorry walk of shame all the way to bottom free lot just above the pier.  I felt so violated and disgusted by the whole experience.  I got back to the car to a very jubilant Brennan ready to jive the shit out of me.  If it were not his birthday he definitely would have made it onto one of my lists.

I got dressed thinking the whole ordeal was over only to find out 5 minutes later as we are pulling out of the parking lot that the same dreaded cramps hit me again.  I was like dude we have to stop or I’m going to blow the seat out of my pants.  Luckily we were right across from the Habit Burger on Ventura Ave.  I got in there just as this haggard ass homeless lady was walking out.  I open the door and the bathroom is a mess, shit all over the place.

Clenching my ass closed with all my strength I quickly brought the toilet up to a bare bones level of cleanliness for me to sit on the seat.  Once again I took another ass piss.  While I’m in complete digestive agony this Mexican guy keeps banging on the door.  Finally after the 5th  time I scream at the dude that I was in the middle of the worst diarrhea of my life and to get off my fucken case.  Dude backed off.  Finally I guess I must have shitted all that was left in my stomach cause I was good to go, but the whole night out I was in constant fear of the shits coming back with a vengeance.  Luckily for me the whole ordeal was left behind in Ventura.

On a side note this whore I was seeing at the time ended up going home with my boy Brennan. Her excuse “It was his birthday Chris, everyone should get laid on their birthday”.  Somehow that did not make me feel much better.  At least I sort of had a hand in getting my boy laid.

 Wednesday Feb 24th 9pm:  While pre-gaming to go to the bar Face manages to pound 8 beers in a matter of 45 minutes.  Drunk as shit Scott, my Swedish neighbors and I persuade him to table dive through the pyramid of empties he build on the coffee table.  He goes for it belly flopping flat on the table after which I proceeded to poor beer all over his head.  From there he put on his dirt bike helmet while Scott and I hit him over the head with these two broken surfboards that I was going to hang on the wall.  Needless to say he was even more fun at the bar where I’m pretty sure he managed to hit on and aggravate every girl there.   I think one girl even slapped him across the face.  It was classic.

 

 

Posted in Blast From the Past, Blast from the Past: 2009, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

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