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Posts Tagged ‘Fuck surfing’

Talk about a load of absolute bullshit!  Worse then bullshit.  I think I would have much rather have been dragged through a pile of filthy, smelly bullshit any day then have to live through a month of poor surf like I have never seen anyplace, anytime, my entire life.  Yeah, it was not the best summer on record for California.  We only saw one really exceptionally large south swell all season, the sand bars at Santa Clara River Mouth were average, Lowers was average and packed, as was just about ever other place I surfed. Never the less I stayed wet with the minor south swells that graced our coast.

Then August came along and it was as if the pacific ocean decided it wanted to fuck everyone who surfed in California over for the entire month.  Most days the report read 1-2 ft.  Some even read flat.  What little swell that did trickle up to the 805 was absolute crap not worth the drive.  Every day I kept hoping for things to pick up, but they didn’t.  When all was said and done I had surfed just five times in the entire month.  Since I started surfing I don’t think I can even remember a month that piss poor.  Some how I managed to not kill or maim myself,  end up in jail or get on a plane and disappear to a better surf locale.  Nope, I grinned and bared it like the rest of my fellow Californian surfers.  Lets just hope August was the sacrifice we needed for a good fall and even better winter.  If not I am going to have to move.  Here are my pathetic numbers:

Surf Sessions: 5
Days Surfed: 5
Time in the Water: 8 hrs
Waves Surfed: 172
Average Waves Caught Per Hour: 22 

Spots Surfed:
Emma Wood: 1
Gold Coast: 1
Ocean Beach, San Francisco: 1
Morro Bay, San Luis Obispo: 1
New Jetty: 1

I have no top surf sessions this month cause basically they all sucked.  The Ocean Beach session was the best of the lot and that was just barely palatable.  To read about a month of misery and a look into a surfer’s brain when there are no waves check out the August ’13 edition of the surflog.

Here I am looking very enthusiastic after 1 out of the 5 surfs I had in August. Note the lack of waves in the background.

Here I am looking very enthusiastic after 1 out of the 5 surfs I had in August. Note the lack of waves in the background.

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I’m an addict and I’m strung out.  Its been one bad fix after another for me and at this point I am at my wits end.  I have paid dearly for this bad habit for the better share of my life. The worst part is 90% of the time all my efforts go to scoring deplorable dope a best. There was a time when I thought I had a chance at beating this illicit action and even had it well at bey and under my control.  Now I realize I am beyond hope and will suffer at my own lack of self control for the entirety of my existence.

I have known others through out my life with the same affliction and watched such destroy them as it has been slowly destroying me.  I have seen others successfully enhance their problem so that they could make the most of their self indulgence.  What am I talking about my friends? Is it my alcohol problem, I really wish that was the case.  That is something I have always been able to control.  I am talking about my surfing problem.

I get plenty of emails and messages asking why surfing ruined my life.  The answer I always give is that surfing ruins your life when it becomes your life, your main purpose for waking up in the morning.  When you get to this point your life as a citizen of our current social structure ends and your life as a surfer begins.  Tons of people claim they surf and that they are a surfer, but until you have blown off some of life’s most important happenings to ride 2ft wind blown close outs or cashed out on your entire known existence to move half way across the world in pursuit of a wave that has a name you can’t even pronounce your just a dabbler.

Is it worth giving up everything you know for this everyday?

I surf close to 7 days a week and have put myself in a situation where I can surf every day if I really want to.  Those few days a month when I don’t surf I hate myself all day for it.  Don’t believe me peruse the surflog section of this site.  Most surf addicts are in the same boat as myself.  I will even give an honorable mention to guys who although may not get to surf everyday have put themselves into a position that they can and won’t ever miss a fun day.  It is very understandable if you have a wife, kids, house and full time job necessary to support the latter that it is not practical to blow off responsibility for 2ft blown out crap.  Those guys have a schedule to keep and for the most part have done a stellar job to make surfing a part of that schedule.

A few days I posted a surfing blog and a positive one at that, “Better then Sex“.  This blog epitomized the true essence of what surfing is all about.  Its propaganda like this that has the masses stoked on getting into flopping around on a piece of foam.  It fuels, magazines, websites (this is loosely one of them), movies, television,  surf camps, surf schools, surfing resorts and as a direct result surfing is more popular and profitable then it ever has been even in a current period of fiscal recession.  Out of this giant “surfing” population it is only maybe 10%  who are truly addicted, 5% who have given up having a “regular” life for it and 1% who have given up everything in pursuit of the perfect wave everyday for the rest of their lives.

I fall into the 5%.  I need to surf everyday and have like I said structured my life through many series of pain, heart ache and tireless frustration in order to accomplish this.  I have also caused similar to plenty of loved ones and great friends on my journey.  In all truth I really don’t have any friends.  One cannot count on a person who’s entire life is based and planned around a 5 day forecast.  Sure there are as far out as 14-day forecasts but those who are really serious know only the five day can be trusted.  For the last 12 years my life has revolved around the 5-day surf forecast.  At first friends, family, women I have cared about find this intriguing, attractive, even entertaining, but when reality sets in and they realize its not a sport, instead a way of life, a tragic one at that.  Those same allies sooner or later give up.  Just like you would on a hard drug user who won’t quit.

I have begged, burrowed, hustled, stole, lied and cheated in order to keep getting my fix.  When things are good and the surf is pumping us addicts are stoked and awesome people to be around.  When it begins to falter and conditions meager our attitudes change very fast.  Instead of that happy go lucky perpetually stoked individual all the propaganda portrays you have a cranky, frustrated, irritable, aggressive, and ultimately depressed entity  that is a far cry from the advertisements that got one to buy a surf board and wet suit in the first place.

As stoked as I was on Saturday with near epic River Mouth is as let down I have been since.  Following that session of amazing proportions I have surfed nothing even remotely worth the price of admission.  There have been bad winds, even worse tides, terrible swell angles and poor periods.  To make matters worse add in the regular problems and stress of the everyday grind and things become unsettling really fast.  I lost my job, my roommate, can’t keep a girl, summer traffic has been worse then ever thanks to a new highway expansion project that is going to make my life miserable until 2015. By the time that date comes the population will have doubled and the traffic as well thus making the road work to be completely obsolete.  There is nothing worse then sitting in traffic for 2 hours to get to a surf spot that should have taken 20 minutes only for it to be over crowded and 2ft and windy.

Throw in a host of new surfers, both beginners and intermediate.  Its those average “I surf a few times a month or when surfline.com tells me to” that really cause all the trouble.  We can thank every surf camp, surf instructor and the creator of the fish and fun shape for this.  Believe me I helped, which makes it all the more ironic.  Now when its small and terrible, a time when I usually had most breaks to myself or shared with a few other die hards it is packed with groms who think they could be the next Dane Reynolds, kooks who just graduated from their soft tops, soccer moms on their stand up paddle boards and valley boy Joe who just pulled up in his mustang convertible.

It is these days when I hate surfing the most.  I have given up everything to go ride those terrible waves that were once uncrowded.  My stoke meter was already at a 3 and I was forcing myself to paddle.  When you add the crowd that level decreases to .01.  That was me this morning in the dirt lot above Emma Wood, where I sat for a good hour deciding if I should surf, go home, or throw myself off the cliff in front of a passing train.  The train option being my best bet especially since I failed at successfully constructing that guillotine out of the trunk of my car.

After waiting till the wind got harder and the crowd tripled I suited up and headed out.  There were about four peaks working with a few sneakers thrown in.  On the beach there were three telephotos and a video?  I looked around.  There was no one in the lineup worthy of such an entourage and the surf was barely chest high, windy and inconsistent at best.  Then I saw Dane suiting up bringing things into perspective.  Has the surf been that bad this season that photographers have gotten so desperate they need to try and sell pictures of Dane groveling?  I guess so.  He did his usual half hour of Emma.

I jumped in and the water was freezing. If it was 58 I would say it was warm.  I had a 4/3 and booties on and was cold the entire time making the drive home one of me blasting the heat to get the blood flowing again.  I felt like I was in the movie “Top Gun” when all the fighter jets were swarming around Maverick and Goose.  There were groms paddling every which way, kooks in front of me, body surfers and even some idiot on an ocean kayak.  Apparently some people got lost on their way to Mondos.  I got a few forgettable ones that I had to fight tooth and nail for.  Then a set wave slipped past the pack and swung wide right to me. I dropped in, it sucked up and I had a solid stand up tube, came out clean.

My initial instinct was to claim it so that if one of the photogs managed to shot it the sequence would end well.  Then I realized that they were all focused on Dane and these two groms who were ripping. As I was paddling back out this random dude threw a shaka at me and I was glad to share that little bit of stoke on an otherwise uninspiring day with him.  After that it was more terrible ones and more paddle battles, near collisions and tons of frustration.  Finally I got my 20 wave quota and was just looking for that one more.

Of course if you surf this almost always means the ocean is going to go flat and that the good wave wont come.  You have to end on a good on otherwise your  whole day is going to be shit. That was exactly what happen.  I got dropped in on twice.  Blew three late take offs.  Then finally a good left came my way.  I was about to drop into when this little grom maybe 12 paddled me and closed out the section on me.  Normally I let these instances go, but everyone hits their breaking point and this was mine.

I paddled up to the poor unsuspecting grom and looked him right in the eye “Did you think I was not going to catch it?”.  He responded “No”.  “Then why the fuck did you paddle me then?” I replied and I splashed water in his face, the most degrading thing one surfer can do to another in a lineup confrontation and usually when a fight breaks out.  “You know me, I surf with you all the time and you know I don’t miss the waves I paddle for.  Don’t paddle me! I don’t paddle you!” He had a stunned look on his face.  So did I.

I caught the very next wave and went in disgusted with myself for such behavior.  The kid made a common mistake and he was after all a kid, but I was over it. Then again when I was a kid I would not have even thought about paddling a guy who had been surfing longer then I was alive.  The pecking order in today’s lineups has really fallen apart, but that is a blog for another day.  Mostly I was angry at myself cause I ruined this little kid’s stoke for the day and probably put some fear into him about lineup etiquette making him over cautious for a while.

Five days ago I was out having a ball with my fellow surfers, hooting and hollering.  Everyone was stoked and life was great.  Today I wished I had a water proof uzi so I could have mowed down 3/4’s of the lineup.  When you want to know why surfing ruined my life just mull that over for a while. Surfing sucks don’t try it.

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