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The Month of New Jetty: November 2011 Surfing

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 9, 2012| Leave a Comment »

November 2011 Surf Sessions in Review

I know I am like two months behind, but what would any one who reads here regularly expect.  If you keep up with the daily updates in the surflog then it should not surprise you.   My life is crazy and my time spread thin.  I guess I will sleep when I am dead.  I am only getting this done today because I happen to be sick and called out of work.  I am too sick to surf even.  Trust me it is firing right now with some real nice WNW action.  You know I’m taking it hard if I am sitting out.  I have already missed an epic El Capitan session last night.  Whatever, I don’t give a fuck.

Back to November.  November for the most part was one big let down after another both for waves and life.  Kooky who came out here with high hopes of scoring great point surf got stuck more times then not at shitty New Jetty, which was where the majority of my surfing took place.  Now in the summertime that is common place, but in the fall it should not be.  There was still some choice days.  There were also some terrible drunken nights at the bar that cost me a surf or two and one surfboard that got completely destroyed as a result.   You can check out the November ’11 surflog for the details on the entire month.  Here are the session break downs.  Oh the joys of having OCD.

Number of Surf Sessions: 23
Days Surfed: 22
Total Time Spent in the Water: 35hrs
Waves Surfed: 521
Average Waves Surfed Per Hour: 15

Spots Surfed:
New Jetty: 9
Rincon: 3
Emma Wood: 2
Oxnard Shores: 2
Dredge: 1
Sharks Cove: 1
Sand Spit: 1
Little Rincon: 1
Silver Strand: 1
Gold Coast: 1

Top 4 Surf Sessions (I could not leave any of these out to only make it three)
4)  11/25/11 PM Session2: 1-3+ft, Sharks Cove
Time in Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 32
We were on our way to battle the immense crowds down south, when Kooky spotted out some waves breaking at Sharks.  I knew it would be a bit smaller there, but no one was out and I love that wave.  The place is so rip-able and its right here in town.  We decided to go for it.  Four other guys joined us crushing my hopes of a solo session, but I knew one of them and everyone took turns and was mellow.  It was a bit smaller then I would have liked.  Only about waist to occasional chest, but it was perfect.  I had a ton of really fun waves out there and it was just the mellow session in the midst of a hectic weekend I was looking for.

3) 11/21/11 AM Session: 3-5+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 3hrs
Waves Surfed: 23
I love bounce back swells.  This one hit the Islands and came upon us at a perfect angle.  There was a dropping tide and light winds.  Rincon was flawless.  When I first got out there I was in the cove with about 30 people.  An hour later I was sharing the place with a solid 200 crowd spread over the entire point.  I had some great ones.  I got burned on some that would have been great ones and I burned a few along the way.  Classic Rincon.  I did stick one huge six foot long gap air that I totally cleared an entire section on.  I had a near 540 as well but landed on the back too far on the shoulder to ride it out.  Minus the crowd I was stoked.

2) 11/24/11 PM Session: 4-7+ft, Little Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 27
Oh another Turkey day west swell.  I wanted to surf Rincon but it was over 300 hundred heads strong.  I tried a gamble and lost with El Capitan.  Little Rincon had a decent enough wave with only about thirty or so guys on it.  It was a bit stretched and racy, but there were some good ones.  I was having a good time till I went on this dude who was clearly not going to make the section he pulled into.  Kooky said he was falling as I dropped into it.  The guy paddles over to me and tells me “If you do that again I am  going to break something on you”.  ”Were you really going to make it” I replied.  ”Thats not your call to make” he said.  ”No it was the waves call and it was not having it” I retorted.  He got mad and told me that when he is on a wave I don’t go.  I apologized and left it alone.  Then he deliberately burned me on my next wave to prove a point.  The old Chris would have gone into the beach.  Went to my car, got the tire iron out of my trunk and beat the bejesus out of him.  The new Chris  just took a deep breath and let it go.   Whatever I got a wave from the hotel at Mussel Shoals all the way to the beach break at the bottom of the highway.  We clocked it in the car on the way home and  it was just under 7/8ths of a mile.  Never done something like that there.  My legs hurt so bad by the end of it I could barely turn.

1) 11/7/11 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Oxnard Shores
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 28
Oooo there is nothing I love more then a good old fashioned barrel fest. Not only that but a Hatteras style barrel fest.  Lindsay and I pulled up to New Jetty and it was crowded, at least thirty guys deep.  Lakey Perterson was out with her little grom crew and camera.  The whole place was a scene.  On top of that it was a bit walled and wonky.  Not nearly as good as the previous day.  I noticed the wind was trying to go offshore and with plenty of combo swell still in the water, plus a dropping low tide I made the call to try the shores.   The place loves such conditions.  I pulled up to the closest spot to Ventura.  There was some movie being filmed up on the beach with all their stupid Hollywood hoopla.  Right in front looked marginal at best.  Then I looked down the beach and was pretty sure I saw spitting barrels.  Upon driving a few blocks south my eyes had not deceived me.  All I could see in every direction was left and right bowls unloading on a shallow sand bar.  I am talking throaty double ups.  I got my ass seriously kicked by a few I did not make it out of.  The crowd was about twenty strong but spread among an endless amount of peaks. Bobby was surfing the peak next to me just getting absolutely pitted off his skull.  I had my share as well.  It was a fucking great session.  It lasted a solid two hours before the wind came up.  What a session.

Oxnard Shores delivering.

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Micheala’s Lisanti Adventure Tour

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, Skating, Surfing, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2012| 3 Comments »


Who likes to party? We like to fucken party!

I have known this girl Micheala from my home town back in New Jersey since my buddy Bojangles dated her when she was 14.  Years have passed like their relationship.  Thanks to the wonderful internet perpetual waste of time FaceBook.com her and I began communicating pretty much right around the time Adrienne and I were falling apart.  It was nice to have someone to talk to especially someone who was an outsider to the situation.  When I was home in NJ over the summer playing some shows with a Santa Barbara based theater group, Proximity she took me around the NJ night life scene and even managed to get me to go out for a grovel  surf or two.  See A Trip Back East blog for more on that trip.

I was rather appreciative since Nick the Kook my usual partner in crime when I am back East was in Chile causing trouble.  You can read about his adventures on his blog Staywet.net.  The lazy fuck has not written anything in a while.  I need his incoherent stupidity to help myself feel better about the garbage I write.  As a token of my gratitude I offered Micheala a pass to Lisanti Land anytime she wished.  She had been claiming she was cruising for a while during her winter break.  I was skeptical.  People always tell me they are coming, but end up never making it, Keifer, Cory.  Cory may still be waiting for me to pick him up at LAX.  At this point he is like Tom Hanks in the movie Terminal.

To my surprise she ended up making it out here in early January and spent a solid seven days.  Now whenever I have a Lisanti Adventure Tour I always ask the recipient what he/she want to get out of the trip.  Santa Barbara is my town and if it is going down here and you want to be a part of it then more times then not I can make it happen.  My connections here get stronger every day and my own person wanderlust spirit has helped me to become a connoisseur on the town.  Whether it be surfing, skate boarding, wine tasting, hang gliding, sailing, island tours, whale watching, hiking, party, sky diving, breweries, events etc, I can make it happen.

Micheala was looking to surf and party as much as possible. These two options happen to be some of my stronger points as if this blog has not proved already over the years.  First night I had her at the Wild Cat sucking down rum and cokes with the boys.  I think I may have thrown in a round of Adios Mother Fuckers just for good measure.  It was a Sunday and those never disappoint at the Kitty.   A good time was enjoyed with out a doubt by all.

Next morning I had the day off.  The options were to either go down south and surf the beachies there or run up north to Jalama where conditions looked rather favorable.  I left the decision to her being she was a guest.  “I want to go get the biggest waves you can find” was her reply.  Remember folks in Lisanti Land one must always watch what they wish for.  We rolled up north and it was solid.  I was really only expecting chest to head high fun surf.  Turns out the beach break was easily 6-8ft and Tarantellas was breaking.

Like a bone head I forgot my wet suit back in Santa Barbara.  It was agreed that whomever got out first would allow me to use his suit between Sorbo or Kooky so I could get a few.  The gang paddled out at Tarantellas and were all rather shocked with the extreme gnarl factor and power of the wave.  Kooky fell in love with it.  Micheala and Sorbo found it a bit more then they were looking for.  Thanks to Kooky I managed to get a few fun ones too.  It was a splendid day on the beach.  Nice weather, good conditions and a very light crowd.  I think everyone had a great time.

That night Micheala wanted to keep the party going and then set the precedent that we were going to rage ever night till she left on Friday.  I do not think I need to tell any of my readers here about my party capabilities, but Micheala’s program nearly had me throw in the towel.  It was seven very exhausting nights of pure ridiculousness.  From druken fights, to samurai swords through living furniture, to urban golfing, calling a lady about her missing cat at 2am, throwing fruit and lord knows what else at one another on a drunken walk home, bizarre dancing on the cat walk and dance floor, vomiting behind dumpsters, after parties with Mexican gangsters.   You name it we did it that week.  Then after she left instead of taking the night off Kooky and I went out to the Kitty and I threw an after party that went just about all night with nearly thirty heads in attendance.  Good times.

Micheala also got a scrumptious home cooked meal from the Lisanti Kitchen.  By request Kooky and I served up grilled chicken pasta primavera in one of the best alfredo sauces I have put together yet.   Unfortunately thanks to starting up work at Westmont one meal was all I was able to prepare.  I had limited time to give to her tour as well.   She was an adventurous one and had no problem taking her skate board and meandering her way all over town.

She got a really fun day at Rincon where I believe she got one of the better waves of her life.  Learned first hand just how bad of a wave Leadbetter really is and got to sample my New Jersey wave away from home, New Jetty.  On her last night Sorbo and I decided to build a barricade of chairs to the ceiling in front of her bedroom door and then backed it up with the living room couch just to show our endearment towards her.  By far I think it was with out a doubt one of the heavier Lisanti Adventure Tours to date.  That’s the challenge out there for anyone willing to risk their skin in Lisanti Land, get more ridiculous then Micheala.

Here is a little slide show of some of the ridiculousness.

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The Lost Cat Video:

 

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What Has Kooky Kyle Been Up too? (Kooky’s Korner)

Posted in Kooky's Korner, tagged , , , , , , on January 25, 2012| 2 Comments »

We have not heard from our good friend Kooky Kyle in quite sometime now.  Most of that is my fault since I have been too lazy to post some of his other blogs.  Some I am yet to decid whether I wish to or not.  One thing is for sure I really must commend the kid.  He has managed to survive nearly four months in Lisanti Land living exclusively at the Palace and currently sits in the number two seat under me here at the Lisanti Court. 

Don’t think it has been easy.   Anyone who has spent any time here knows just how trying it can be on a persons mind, body and soul.  He has put up with near deaths due to bike break dysfunction as a result of drunken maliciousness, samurai sword mishaps, my drunken tantrums, my drunken violence, urban golf and some rather out of hand after partying.  Feel free to check out the surflog the past few months for the details on some of that.   So far he has not lost his mind and I think is actually having a good time.  Here is a brief update he wrote like a week ago or so.  As I said I am lazy thus just getting around to posting it now.  With out further ado here is Kooky’s Korner….Chris

What is new with me?  The holiday season ended my tenure at Mesa Produce as they are closed for the winter. Chris graciously hooked me up with another job. This time I am working the pizza and grill stations at Westmont College. Our hours don’t really coincide most days, which is a bit of a pain in the ass. I worked my first day yesterday and all things considered I think I can handle it. My time schedule for New Zealand has been pushed back as I had some unforeseen expenses out here. I lost then found my passport and have to wait for a new one to arrive. When that comes I will get a definitive date for New Zealand. Presently I have my room all to myself as Ryan moved out and until Chris starts the hunt for a new room mate the room is mine, complete with one super under inflated, deluxe air mattress.

We have been hosting a string of visitors as of late. My friend Brendan came up from San Diego for Christmas. I am the Grinch. The commercialism of Christmas repulses me as well as the guilt people use to make you participate in the festivities. I am not Christian and I do feel I should have to participate in the holiday. That said, the way this Christmas went was fantastic, minus the trip to the jail. It got stripped down to the basics, no work, and enjoying the company of friends. I really enjoyed it and I hope Brendan enjoyed himself.  Check out the Christmas blogs for the details on that, Part I, Part II and Part III . Currently we are providing a couch for Chris’s buddy Marc and his friend Michaela. I believe Cory is on his way out here as well. John promised to make the trek down from San FranFABULOUS for Chris’s birthday, which is only fair because we both powered the trip to visit him for his birthday.
Surfline has been hyping the latest run of swells we have had, but they have been blowing the wind forecast, calling for light offshores all day and instead we have been plagued by south winds. What would have been pretty epic conditions were consequently torn up and over crowded. Instead of surfing we powered through the majority of the renovations. Ah, so is life. All things considered the job went fairly smoothly, and things are pretty much done; the final touches just need to be put on and the place will look one hundred times better. That should bring everyone up to speed. I have a few blogs that need a little editing and should go up soon. I got a new phone and can’t pull numbers off of it so if you can leave it here in the comments, send me a text with your name, or give it to me via facebook, I would be very appreciative.
Thanks for reading,
 Kooky
To fill everyone in on the blanks.  Micheala came and went.  Her adventure tour will be a rather interesting blog that I have at the moment not had a chance to write.  She almost killed all of us, yours truly included.  Cory never made it out here.  Either that or he is still waiting for me to pick him up at LAX.  That is our running joke since I never heard from him and he has not since returned my calls about said trip.  My birthday is coming up and it will be a solid three to four day party.  Look for a promotional blog about that event tomorrow.  
Brendan is coming back up around the 30th for his trial for his Christmas fiasco.  I am sure we will fuck some shit up with him here.  Kooky has been at Westmont for almost two weeks now. I must say the kid is doing a rather good job and I think everyone likes him better then me at this point.  Heck no one fucks with him quite like they did to me when I first started.  I fuck with him twice as hard to make up for it.  His passport came in the mail about a week ago as well.  Things are looking up for the kid.  If he does not die here in the coming weeks he should be getting barreled in New Zealand soon.    That under deflated air mattress is now flat with a hole in it courtesy of Micheala.  Good times.

Look out for this guy folks.

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Still Blowing it…

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 24, 2012| 6 Comments »

I have written all this before and am beginning to sound like a broken record.  If such is the case so be it.  You know what one of the definitions of insanity is?  Doing the same thing over and expecting different results.  At this point in my life I have stopped expecting different results.   Maybe that means I am no longer insane?  Or at the very least not in the that sense.   I think I still classify for the derangement of the mind meaning.

I am not going to lie to you people I have been blowing it hard lately.  You know that New Years proclamation I made about  drinking less and putting my efforts toward more positive actions.   As it turns out since the first I have been partying harder then ever and drinking like a fish.  I must say that at this point I am for augments sake a functioning alcoholic.  I guess it was only a matter of time.  Then again through out my entire life I have went through periods of heavy drink followed by periods of relative sobriety.  Maybe this is just an up turn on the drink side.

Last night I went out to the Wild Cat full on expecting to get shit house wasted and throw an after party at the palace despite the fact that I knew it was the first day of school Monday and that I had a 7am class.  End result of the festivities was finding myself doing vodka shots at 6am while Kooky prepared to go to work.  Needless to say I did not make it to class instead sleeping the entire day away.  The good news is I won the urban indoor golf game we played at 4am to the enjoyment of all my neighbors trying to get some sleep on a Sunday night for their Monday work days.

A few weeks ago I would have been shocked that I would do such a thing. Not this morning.  Nope, everything that went down all the way to this chick I was sort of into hooking up with another friend of mine right in front of me was not surprising at all.  I have truly become one of those Santa Barbara loser idiots I used to make fun of.  At this point I am working on becoming a complete waste of space.

I had this realization of how hard I am currently blowing it in life as I  stood there mid point this afternoon at El Capitan watching five guys enjoy small little waste high plus peelers.  I sat there holding my wet suit still a bit drunk taking it all in.  The green grass rock speckled ground under my feet, the setting sun and subsequent orange sky, the fact that I could not see anything around me but trees and rolling green hills with a llama ranch on it.  And of course the waves.  El Capitan is perfect.  I mean perfect.  Watching the waves break there is mesmerizing.  I don’t think there is a surfer alive who would shake a stick at it.

The cool wind felt amazing on my face.  I took a deep breath of the fresh air.  This is what life is really about I thought at that moment.  This is what I should be doing.  I am better then some alcohol swilling miscreant of the night in a vain attempt to drink my problems away.   Why had I let myself get to this point.  The in shape motivated 22 year old professional surfing Chris Lisanti would slap the shit out of me if he got into a time machine and saw me, himself and what I have let myself become.  I don’t know if I have found rock bottom yet, but I am for the most part at the moment  existing at the bottom of the barrel.

I tugged my wetsuit on and jumped into the water.  My head hurt a bit from both hangover and dehydration.  I stroked into my first wave, a clean waist high peeler and cracked off three solid turns.  Then I started catching a bunch of fun ones dismantling each with a solid backside attack.  Things made perfect sense out in the water. If only I felt the same way on land.  There in lies the problem perchance.  I have been spending far too much time on land and far too little in the water.

Towards the end of the evening as darkness was settling in Kooky and I post change stood there in solitude watching one last perfect little set peel down the point.  I looked at him and said “you know I am better then all this”.  He gave me an approving nod.   We turned away and walked through the dark to the car.  I don’t have answers right now, only questions.     I can’t promise anything.  What I do know is that I can do better…

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I Assure You I am not Dead

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , on January 17, 2012| 2 Comments »

Well It has been a while since I have wrote anything here, even on the surflog.  All I can say in my defense is that things have been ridiculous out here.  Between surfing, partying, renovations, one of the gnarliest Lisanti Adventure Tour yet and my work starting back up at Westmont I have been left rather exhausted.  Look for blogs about all of this very very soon.  Trust me it will be worth the wait. Here is sneak preview into just the brand of stupid insanity you can expect to enjoy:

If you can’t wait visit the January ’12 of the Surflog for a sneak preview.

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The Return of the Champ: Power of 10!!!!

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , on December 30, 2011| 13 Comments »

For the last two weeks things were looking mighty good for Mauriello to take this quarter and the year.  Where had Kooky Kyle been.  Well if you follow this blog then you already know the answer.  Poor Kooky has been run ragged by me all over Santa Barbara in plenty of surfing and drunken mishaps.  All the chaos makes it hard to come up with UCB topics.  Not to mention when you are living in the court of Lisanti Land I answer most of your topics orally anyhow.  Mauriello can attest to that.  Kooky put forth an amazing Power of Ten one that would make even the likes of Nick the Kook proud.  He snags two points for his efforts.

1. What if trees could talk?:  Here is something I think about quite often since trees live for such a greater duration in comparison to the that of humans.  I personally am highly impressed by trees.  Their immense size and ability for survival makes me think they must be of a higher plane than us.  I believe they most likely can talk but care not to waste their breath on such simpletons as human beings.  I  like to assume that if trees could talk it would be much like Tolkien wrote in The Two Towers, the second book of the Lord of the Rings saga.

2. Pigeons Vs. Seagulls: Wow what a fight, beach rats against the city rats.  I have seen both species go at it in the heart of the city and on the beach.  Unless out numbered the seagulls always win.  If I had to pick a favorite and mind you this a stretch since I hate both species of birds I would have to go with sea gulls cause they make for hours of fun entertainment whenever I am stuck going to the beach outside of surfing.  Here is a fun little side story.  I hate just sitting on the beach.  It bores the shit out of me.  Over the summer I went on a beach date with this chick.  She fell asleep on the blanket we were sitting on.  As soon as she did that I went to town building an intricate society of sand castles with roads and different class neighborhoods. She ends up dozing off for nearly three hours.  Upon waking she found herself surrounded by this bizarre sand community I had been working on.  She looked at me with this interested yet somewhat appalling gaze.  Needless to say she did not return any of my calls after.

3. Ridiculous T-Shirts: This is a topic close to my heart.  I have always had a thirst to wear the dumbest most nonsensical, crazy colored t-shirts I could get my hands on.  I used to scour the surf shop racks for them as a kid, then raid my sponsor’s barracks for the most bizarre stuff I could find.  These days I score most of my finds on the $3 rack at Kmart. You should see some of the gnarl I wear.  Let your imagination run wild on this one.   Today for example I wore a shirt with nothing but a giant red human heart on it.  Yesterday I wore a shirt with a picture of a llama on it that said “I am not a camel, I am a llama”.  Day before that I wore a Globe shirt completely covered in a variety of assault rifles, hand guns and shot guns.  That is just the last three days.  I have an entire closet full.

I have just a few crazy shirts. Yes I have extreme OCD and those shirts are color coordinated.

 

4.  My Accent: This is one that always provides a laugh at my expense everywhere I go.  In my younger days I at times got hot headed about it.  Now I just work material off of it and enjoy partaking in the laughter.  If you can’t laugh at yourself sometimes then your taking life too seriously.  Shit I spend the majority of my time laughing at myself.  My crazy accent also has gotten me laid on many of occasion.  People never quite know where I am from and I have got everything from Aussie, to European, to just plain idiot.  What is this accent I speak?  It is a mix of New York, New Jersey, Surfer, Jazz Cat, Hipster, Californian, Australian, Italian. Basically I like to sum it up as Lisantbonics.

5.  Serenity Garden: I get stressed out sometimes.  A few years ago I got stressed out most of the time and did not know how to deal with  it except to fly off the handle and make an angry fool of myself.  Then I was at this Japanese exhibit in Florida and found real peace walking through their intricate little gardens.  When I returned to California I began a modest garden of potted succulents I grew from clippings.  Then I started finding all these plants in the trash my neighbor would throw away when the plants started looking ugly on her.  I pruned, trimmed, re-potted and nursed these plants back to health and have gotten great results.  All the while I would become very relaxed out there doing it.  Then again my backyard does overlook the ocean on one end and the beautiful mountains that surround Santa Barbara on the other.  Now that they have finished construction on City College it has gotten even more amazing back there.  I know whenever I am feeling especially down about the Adrienne situation I go our there and do some pruning and feel better.  Why cant people be like plants so that when you show them love and tenderness they grow to be marvelous.  I know my plants will be there for me as long as I take care of them.

A flower I picked from my garden, the whole garden pulled back and a few of my potted friends including, basil, agave, pineapple, thyme, rosemary and others.

 

6. French Food:  I fucking hate french food, with the exception of their baked goods.  It is so involved and over zealous.  Let me tell everyone a fact back in the days of monarchy  France one of their kings married an Italian princess and she brought her entire Italian cook staff over to Paris with her.  Her crew and the kings crew developed the French cuisine most known to us today.  Not to mention that we have been cooking over in Italy as long as the French.  The Italians were just too lazy to write it down.

7.  What Does Alfie Do When He Runs Away:  Alfie has become quite the little Houdini finding ways out of my apartment when not a door or window has been opened.  For a while I figured he just ran around killing shit and eating garbage.  Since his recent heroin addiction courtesy of my former roommate I am pretty sure he is running all over town looking for another fix.  With out Sleepy Time Nick here (the loving nick name we gave him since the heroin always made him fall asleep, sometimes even standing up) anymore poor Alfie has no more junk to get him his fix.  Poor cat went through a tough withdrawal.  Minus all the chunks of fur missing from him and the insatiable cravings I would say he is almost back to normal.

Alfie all strung out with no fix in sight. Sorry bud, but I taught you better.

 

8.  Favorite Author:  Myself of course.  Just kidding.  I suck compared to the greats.  To pick one would be a real crime but I will narrow it down to my top few in no order: Dickens, Hemingway, Thoreau, Ayn Rand, George Elliot, Shakespeare, Thomas Hardy, Voltaire, Faulkner, Hawthorne, Dostoevsky just to name a few.

9. What Does Alfie Think About the Girls I Bring Home:  I don’t know what he thinks.  These days I try not to keep them around long enough for him to get attached to them.  Poor Alfie was left behind by my ex-wife.  He was her cat, but due to her career path out of the country she was unable to care for him.  This left him in the custody of me, which for any living creature is a pretty scary feat.  Since then he constantly has been searching for another female and when I have such guest he charges her.  Then he could not get enough of Adrienne.  She left and the poor guy did not come away from the front door for weeks.  Since then I don’t really like women to get too close to him.  It is easier for her just to walk out on me.  At least I know why she is leaving.  Poor Alfie has no idea at all.  He just knows that she is gone.  I think that is way worse.

10.  Why Surfing in Santa Barbara Sucks:  First off surfing in general sucks.  The waves are always a let down.  The spots are always too crowded and it was better twenty years ago.  For all those reasons is why surfing sucks in Santa Barbara.  In all seriousness surfing in Santa Barbara is a bit more challenging in the sense that one really must be in tune with every swell angle, wind direction and swell period if he is to score the best possible waves.  You better have a reliable car that gets good gas mileage for all the driving involved in the hunt.  Either that or have a very, very versatile quiver and a love for stand up paddling.  The biggest reason why surfing sucks in Santa Barbara is to watch a handful of world class waves be completely dormant more then 75% of the time.

Yep Surfing in Santa Barbara sure is terrible. Don't come here you will get skunked.

 

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How Fast the Pendulum Can Swing: Christmas Dread Part III

Posted in Anger, Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 29, 2011| 10 Comments »

Lost? Get filled in by Reading Part I and Part II 

Have you ever seen that movie “The Hang Over”?  The last 36 hours I have been living it and let me tell you I still do not have any answers.  Instead I have a barely coherent tale pieced together from fuzzy logic, Kooky’s barely cognizant memory and lots of speculation.  Oh “ALCOHOL, CAN’T LIVE WITH OUT IT, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT”! How you have fucked with me since I started drinking at ten years old.

I have no idea what we were thinking.  I guess it all started with the strip club being closed.  On Christmas!?! How absurd is that.  Initially The plan West and I hatched on Christmas Eve was that we would all blow a lot of coke thus making it a white Christmas and then go to the titty bar from 7-9pm.  First we ruled out the cocaine for obvious reasons.  Remember I may be a drunk, but drugs have never really been my bag.

The Strip club, well that was just plain good sense.  All those lonely strippers too embarrassed to go home for the holidays due to their profession.  Us, three lonely bachelors looking for love in all the wrong places.  Then we found out Kooky had never been to a strip joint before.  It all made perfectly good sense.

Around 9ish we got to the strip club and it was closed to our utter dismay.  I had $20 bucks set aside for Kooky to get a lap dance and another $40 in singles for the girls.  Christmas dollars for everyone.  If that is not wonderful spreading of the holiday cheer I just don’t know what is.  (discloser: I actually am not a fan of strip clubs and honestly would rather spend my time and money at the bar where at least there is a chance the women may come home with me. These days I am told Trader Joes is the place to meet women except I can’t stand that place.  So I figure anyone who shops there I most likely would not care for either.  The only thing worthwhile to come out of that place is their wine selection. Two buck chuck not included!)

Wow, that was off topic.   I need to see a therapist…an Asian message therapist that is.  “Sir, would you like the happy ending?”  You bet your ass I do.  Last time I went for an Asian message they beat the living shit out of me.  I mean seriously it felt like I had six people kicking and punching me while the seventh held me down.  It was rather disturbing, but that is a blog for another day.

No Strip club, boo hoo.  We decided to dry our tears with rum and cokes and tequila shots at the Wild Cat in dedication to Sancho Clause.  This is after a few shots at home, Kooky drinking some moonshine out of a jar his boss gave him and mini-shots at JJ’s.  Yeah, you know the definition of insanity. Sound familiar if not then you did not read Part II of this very saga.

Hold the phone!  Who is Sancho Clause?  Sancho Clause is this character my co-worker Kevin and I created and is the Mexican ghetto version of our Santa Clause.  He is 5’3” over weight has a white beard but a black mustache, wears a sombrero and a Mexican flag colored poncho.  Instead of reindeer and a sleigh he rides in a 1986 Chevy Monte Carlo low rider with rims pulled by a dozen donkeys.  You don’t leave him cookies and milk, instead a bottle of Jose Cuervo and a copy of Hustler.  He does not leave you presents opting to take your presents, beat you with a lead pipe and rape your wife.  Ole. (Disclosure2: I am not a racist I hate and make fun of everyone and actually find the company of Mexicans most times more enjoyable then most Americans.)

After that round of shots I don’t remember a Goddamn thing.  All I know is that I woke up to Kooky pounding on my door at eight in the morning.  “I don’t want to surf right now” I yelled to him.  “Get up West got arrested, we have to go get him out” he replied.  “What?!!!!!” Kooky I think I got punched really hard in the side last night cause my ribs really hurt” I got out of bed and was barely able to walk.  Apparently I hurt my knee as well.  I limped to the bathroom and screamed.

Running the length of four to five of my ribs was a giant bruise and it hurt when I tried to breath or raise my arm.  I had no idea how any of this happened, my injuries or West’s arrest.  It was off to the jail to hopefully get some answers.

By now I have become a pro at this morning routine picking up more then one friend there after a crazy night.  Nick the Kook was a member of that club just this past January.  That is another story for another blog too.  We get there and It turns out they can’t let him out till ten.  To add insult to injury Kooky accidentally locked the key to my car inside it.  At that point him and I are sitting outside the jail waiting for AAA to come and unlock my car.  Both of us still drunk from the night before.  Forget AAA someone needs to call AA and have them haul my sorry ass away.

In the interim I got a call from West which ended with “Lisanti get me out of this box!”.  Things were a bit out of hand.  By this point it was 9am and with an hour to kill I did the only thing I knew in such situations.  After triple A got us back in the car Kooky and I went to Denny’s.  Somehow no matter how bad things look they always seem better after a janky Denny’s Breakfast and right now they have this build your own Grand Slam breakfast for $5.  We coupled it with an order of Ice Cream and red velvet hush puppies. YUM!

Following a meal like that how could anything be all that bad?  By the time we scarfed down breakfast West got out and we even threw a three stack of pancakes in a doggy bag for him.  Turns out he got charged with drunk in public, a common offense around here and one yours truly has been accused of and theft.  The latter definitely threw us a curve ball.  What could he have possibly stolen at 2am?  Of course he did not remember anything more then I did.

Now we went into crime solving mode.  The arrest took place at 7-11.  I assumed he must have walked in there wasted and waked out with a doughnut or something.  We rolled over there and the manager checked the tapes, called the night guy and came up with nothing.  We went to every government bureaucracy in Santa Barbara to no avail.  One cop told us not to worry and that it was most likely something stupid he would have to pay a fine for.

Here is what I have pieced together of what actually happened from 10pm on the 25th of December till 8am of the 26th.  According to Kooky another round of whiskey shots was done. Him and I danced on the cat walk while two gay guys attempted to put dollars in our pants (can you see the irony here cause I can).  In the process of dismounting from said place I most likely caused the injury to my knee.  We took a picture on my cell phone with some Norwegian girl, whose boyfriend was not amused.  Kooky and I signed out our tabs, collected our jackets and took a cab home.

Upon coming home we believe thanks to a testimony supplied by my roommate Ryan claiming he heard a scream, that I most likely fell entering my room and hit the corner of my night stand with my side. Judging from the shape, size and damage of the bruise it makes plenty of sense.  I remember waking up fully dressed in the middle of the night on the floor and crawling to my bed as well.  Kooky passed out on the little couch, which always seems to be the drunken choice for someone at the end of a “going hard” night.  As far as West goes we assume he got separated from us at some point stumbled around town lost for at least thirty minutes, got half way home eventually apprehended by the police.

Like I said all that is pure inference based on my gathering evidence over the last 36 hours.  Now my ribs are all busted up, my knee is fucked so I can’t surf at the present moment.  Poor West has to come back up here for a court date.  All as a result of being drunk and stupid.  For  me this was my wake up call.  Sure it did not come in the form of the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future, but it was more then enough for me.

I am too old for this shit.  In three days it will be 2012 and I mean it.  I really am going to take my life back and this time I am going to make it count.  There will be no more lamenting about Adrienne.  I miss her like crazy, but I have to stop letting that pain ruin my life.  I registered for a full schedule of classes, will be working full time at Westmont and have already and should be done by early January with all the renovations on the Lisanti Palace.  Things are going to start picking up here in Lisanti Land in the positive.

Wild Cat Drunkards

Part of the evidence: Kooky, The Norwegian girl, Myself and half of West's face. Actually we wanted the bitch to take a picture of the three of us but then she decided to be in it making her bf take the pic, pissing him off and cutting off West.

Chris Lisanti is a dumb shit

There it is folks some heavy body damage courtesy of drunkenness.

 ****Post Script 12/29 1:33pm PST****
West hit me up today and it turns out he was arrested because he passed out in the back of a Taxi Cab.  The theft charge was  him not paying the fare.  All he has to do to get it dropped is pay for the taxi ride and he is in the clear.  The drunk in public like I said earlier is no big deal either.  Getting that offense is a  Santa Barbara right of passage.  I actually surfed today as well.  Check out the December ’11 Surflog for more on that.

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“The Greatest Christmas Ever”: Christmas Dread Part II

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on December 28, 2011| 8 Comments »

If you missed Part I click here to catch up.

Things started off rather amazing.  Christmas Eve West and I caught some really fun Rincon in the morning See December 24th of the Surflog for more about that.  Later the boys and I cruised back to the ‘Con.  Conditions were perfect if only it was about four feet bigger.  Then again if my grandmother had a dick she would be my grandfather.  That is an old Russian saying I picked up from a friend of mine a while back.  He would always tell me that in the water whenever I would say “it would be a ton of fun right now if the waves were six feet bigger”.

I ended up just bumbling around the rocks hunting for sea glass, shells and building rock stacks.  I played with a few random dogs that crossed my path as well.  Christmas Eve dinner featured steaks grilled on my coal grill in the back yard, a very nice bottle of French wine (It was Christmas so I decided to spoil myself).  The wine ended up being amazing and as a result I would not put the cork back into it.  The entire contents had to be drank.  West and I killed the bottle since poor Kooky had to work.  That kid is a go-getter.  We capped the evening off with a viewing of Mel Brooks’ masterpiece “Space Balls”.  How can it get better then that?

Before we proceed any further I find it of great importance to briefly speak on what happened or what may have happened on the night of the 23rd.  It was West’s first night in town and all three of us were in the mood to rage hard.  For whatever reason I bought a few days prior a fifth of Jose Cuervo.   Now tequila and I are bad news.  Whenever I get hammered off the stuff I get wild and those are the mornings I wake up with little recollection and big problems.

Of course I poured a few rounds of shots and it was off to the bar.  On the way down, mini shots all around.  Then at Wild Cat we did three rounds of Tequila shots, which we chased down with AMFs!!!! It was bad news.  Turns out none of us remembered a thing, but all were in agreement that a good time was had.  I know what little I do remember was awesome.

Skip forward to Christmas Day.  I awoke Christmas morning to no tree, no presents, no family and absolutely no fanfare.  Instead I woke up Kooky and West and we cruised to Rincon.  The point was firing.  The tide was a little high, but there was a light crowd and solid head high lines coming through.  For the next three hours I dismantled the entire point taking four runs from Indies to Cove.  Out of twenty four waves I caught at least fifteen were all time rides.  Kooky and West got some fun ones too.  Tom Curren was out with his sons and Yadin Nicol was all over it as well.

After a remarkable surf we rolled home for breakfast.  We made a quick stop at Vons to pick up a bottle of wine for dinner since I ended up drinking the entire bottle the night before.  This time I went with one of my favorite California red blends.  It has been nice to splurge on some nice wine this holiday considering how tight my wine budget has been the last few months.  At the check out counter the lady behind the register had some gnarly Christmas get up going that she finished off with her hair froed out and decorated like a Christmas tree.  Don’t worry I took a candid photo with my cell phone.

Back at the palace Kooky did up his famous crepes (they are incredible, kid has skills), while I did home fries and scrambled five eggs. It was a feast fit for a king and we reveled in it.  Upon the conclusion of Breakfast all three of us did the call home to our families thing and pretended like we missed them, all the while sitting on my back patio staring at the ocean enjoying the sunny 70 degree weather.  Jersey was like 35 degrees.

Then it was off to Rincon for round two.  Tide was a bit drained and the wind had gotten on it a bit.  It was still chest high plus and there were some real nuggets coming through the cove.  I had a few magical ones although tweaking my knee a bit in the process.  Kooky got the barrel of his life through the cove.  West had a good time as well.

Christmas dinner featured my acclaimed chicken parmigiana over gemelli pasta in my family’s old world marinara sauce.  We ate, we drank, we shared story.  Not once was there any disagreements, disappointment, or expectation.  It was just three friends sharing a meal and enjoying each others company.  If that is not what the true spirit of Christmas is all about I do not know what is. “It was the best Christmas Day ever”!  The night was a whole different ball game altogether.  Stay tuned for part III where things get just a little bit gnarly courtesy of tequila and Sancho Clause.  For in life even the best plans of mice and men shall go awry.

Christmas Tree Hair

This was our Christmas Cashier, trimmed and garland.  Sorry for the blur but I had to take it in secrecy all spy like.

Rock Stacking

One of my rock stacks made at Rincon on Christmas Eve

Rincon Christmas Day 2011

Christmas Morning at Rincon. mmmmmmmmmm!!!!!

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La Nina, Why: October 2011 Surfing In Review

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2011| Leave a Comment »

October is usually a crazy month for surf around here.  This one was rather average, although there were some choice days.  I had a few keepers at Rincon and plenty of beach break action.  I think this may the be winter of the beach breaks unfortunately.  October marked the return of Kooky Kyle to Lisanti Land, this time joining the court at the Palace for an extended stay.  You can check out Kooky’s Korner for his take on things from time to time.  Kooky and I went on a 24 hour idiot mission up to San Francisco to surprise our boy and UCB all star John Mauriello, surfing a few spots on the way up.  Besides that I kicked a second heroine addict roommate out of my house.  Third time is a charm I guess.   Business as usual here in the Land of Lisanti.  Here are the stats and yes I know I am posting October’s stats in December.  I am month behind.  Always a day late and a dollar short.

Number of Surf Sessions: 21
Days surfed: 20
Time In Water: 34hrs
Number of Waves Surfed: 497
Average Waves Surfed Per Hour: 15

Spots Surfed:
New Jetty : 8
Rincon: 7
Waddel Creek, Santa Cruz: 1
Moss Landing Montery:  1
Surf Beach: 1
Santa Clara River Mouth: 1
Emma Wood: 1
La Conchita: 1

Top 3 Sessions in October:

3. 10/27/11 AM Session: 2-3+, New Jetty
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 25
You know those sessions when you feel like  God? I had one today.  It was only about chest to head high and a bit crumbly with the wind on it, not to mention a larger then optimal crowd.  I was on and that was all that mattered.  Every good wave seemingly came right to me.  All my turns were crisp. I stuck a bunch of airs.  It was just one of those days.

2.  10/18/11 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Surf Beach
Time in Water: 1hr 50mins
Waves Surfed: 27
Ahhh, Surf Beach and just about the one year anniversary of the fatal shark attack that happened there. With minimal swell and a need for adventure Kooky and I threw caution to the wind and went up to the wild north.   Upon pulling into the lot we were greeted by fun looking glassy chest high plus bowls with out a person in sight.  As we got changed this crazy old man who had to be over eighty and was born in Lompoc in 1924, lived there his whole life, began telling us all these gnarly stories of way back in the day.  He lost his wife of like thirty years last year and found himself a bit lonely these days.  I always find it really sad when old people lose their spouse after all that time.  I could not imagine the heart break.  Turns out he should not drive cause he has dementia but does anyway cause he does not give a fuck.  First thing he said to us was “I’m 86 years old and lost in life, maybe I always had been”.  Those words always win me over.  Then as we were about to paddle out this lady whom I have surfed both there and Jalama with claimed some guys saw a 12 foot great white there yesterday. I told her “well that was not today now was it” and paddled out.  Turns out the session was super fun and both Kooky and I scored some sick waves.  I got a few barrels.  We stopped at the Jalama Cafe for Lunch,  my favorite eatery in the area and ran into that same old guy.  What an awesome day.

1.  10/13/11 AM Session: 4-6ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs 45mins
Waves surfed: 27
Oh man, Rincon.  Today was the first day I have to say Rincon really cooked for me this season.  Kooky and I got there and the lot was packed.  I was going to drive away, but my rule of thumb is that if I can get a space in the front lot then I will surf the place regardless.  I ended up snagging a spot and was stoked I did.  The place was on.  I started up at River Mouth and surfed from there down three times.  I had some sick ones.  Out of the 27 waves at least twenty had no less then 9 turns.  I got two from high River Mouth to Low Cove and called boxed one from high cove.  Killian was out and had some guy filming him with a 35mm.  I had so many sick ones it was incredible. I love Rincon.

Well there you have it the month of October in surf sessions.  As always if you enjoy reading these little session reviews check out the surflog where I post some type of insanity about both my life and surfing every single day.

Alright this was not taken in the month of October. My boy Dave's girl Roo shot it at Santa Clara River Mouth back in March. Its still a sicky though.


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The Wild Cat…Meow

Posted in Kooky's Korner, tagged , , , , , , , on November 11, 2011| Leave a Comment »

This week’s Kooky’s Korner, Kooky Kyle lets everyone in on some of his recent nights at the Wild Cat Lounge here in Santa Barbara and the official bar of Lisanti Land.  Enjoy.

For any regular reader of this blog, you are familiar with Chris’ favorite haunt and if you have visited Lisanti Land the Santa Barbara Chapter, you have probably been to the Wild Cat. The first time I came here I had the opportunity to have such experience. I barely remember walking in the door. Reliable sources have told me I walked up to two girls and told them I wanted to lose my virginity to both of them in a threesome.  Some how that was not met with a slap instead it received laughter. Long story short I ran away that night and almost made it home but over shot it by about a half mile away from the Lisanti Palace(For more on Kooky’s first visit to SB read Kooky Kyle’s Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour and Kooky Kyle Speaks Out).

 With the beginning of our relationship starting in such a manner you can only imagine the insanity that the place has about it. It is so much better than that stupid hipster bar we went to in San Fran, seriously only, “only obscure” late 50’s early 60’s R&B? Fucking hipsters. Wild Cat is the unofficial hook up bar and the unofficial gay bar of Santa Barbara. With that being the case, I have been approached a few times by some people I would never want any sort of sexual encounter with.
The Swingers
 About a week ago Chris, his boy Ryan and I were out on a lurk at the Kitty. I went ahead of them to get a space at the bar to order more drinks. As I am standing waiting for a space to open up this older guy, whom I would guess was in his mid to late forties came up to me from one of the little tables by the bar. He was tall and a little overweight. I figured he was getting in line to get a drink too.
“She is a real looker isn’t she?” He said gesturing to a similarly aged fat woman with short blonde hair seated at his table. This woman was gross. She was clearly tipsy and was in jovial spirits. “She looks like a real keeper.” I said. I figured that it was either his wife or girlfriend and I didn’t want to insult her.
“She thinks you are pretty cute.” Well that was weird. I’ll take a compliment like that any time but this was starting to get a little bit on the strange side.  “Thanks, I like to think so” I replied.  “Do you want to come back to our place?” he asked. WHOA WHAT THE SHIT! Did that really just happen? I was shocked; I barely could put a reply together.
“Uh, baaaa, huuh no?” I answered and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

Gay Night
Sunday is Chris’ Friday so what do you do at the start of your weekend? You go out of course. Sunday also just so happens to be Gay Night at the Wild Cat. You may question the logic of why two straight men would go to gay night. Well, if there are any girls there at all,  they are either trying just to dance or they are looking for a one night stand. Also straight guys tend to stay away. Chris’ old boss, Steve, was in town and we all went out.

Chris has been a fixture at this bar for a while so the gay guys know he is straight and not to try with him. Me being a fresh face though, no such luck. I had been getting looks all night, but had yet to be approached. Chris was off somewhere leaving me on my way with Steve to grab a drink from the bar.  As we were crossing the dance floor a gay guy with a bi-chromatic fohawk appeared in front of me blocking my way. I was instantly eye raped. Feeling a little awkward he then tried to slip a hand down my pants. WHAT THE HELL!! I thought.
As I sit here writing this I am trying to justify why it happened? Was I being a cock tease? My handsome self at gay night, that is like dressing like a slut and going to a Guido bar and not expecting to get groped. Whatever, I still didn’t welcome the advance. I quickly stepped back and pulled his hand away from my dick. “I’m not gay, man, sorry.” I steadily got away from him. But the ordeal was not over for the night.
Towards the end of the night we worked our way over to the dance floor and were tearing it up. There was this gnarly cougar dancing with three gay guys thinking she was the hottest thing out there.  She was straight gnarly. Twenty-five years ago she was probably smoking hot, but the years of partying had clearly taken a toll on her.  One of the gay guys saw something that was actually of his preferred gender (me), came over and unbuttoned one of my shirt buttons. “I’m sorry, I just had to do that.” He stood there expecting some sort of reciprocation from me. He only received a look of utter dismay and mild disgust.
Now about a month into my stay I am pretty much one of the regulars at The Kitty. Chris has the bartenders in his pocket and while we normally stagger away from there our tab is rarely over twenty bucks. Who knows what the future holds for me at the Wild Cat, hopefully I have dodged enough gnarly swingers and overly forward gay men and some gorgeous women will start falling into my lap.
Kooky Kyle

Post press: Last night Kooky and I hit the Wild Cat with a vengeance.  What was suppose to be a fun night with a mellow buzz became a “lets get fucking shit faced” night.  Bottom line by the end of the night we were fucking wasted.  Kooky Blacked out most of the night.  What ensued was him terribly hitting on girls, stealing the hat off the head of a Bacardi Promo Girl then proceeding to dance like Micheal Jackson wearing it.  The night ended with us nearly going home with three gay guys that luckily my good sense at the last minute saved us.  Good times. 

What Kooky has yet to score at the Wild Cat, a cracked out wild chick.

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