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La Nina, Why: October 2011 Surfing In Review

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2011| Leave a Comment »

October is usually a crazy month for surf around here.  This one was rather average, although there were some choice days.  I had a few keepers at Rincon and plenty of beach break action.  I think this may the be winter of the beach breaks unfortunately.  October marked the return of Kooky Kyle to Lisanti Land, this time joining the court at the Palace for an extended stay.  You can check out Kooky’s Korner for his take on things from time to time.  Kooky and I went on a 24 hour idiot mission up to San Francisco to surprise our boy and UCB all star John Mauriello, surfing a few spots on the way up.  Besides that I kicked a second heroine addict roommate out of my house.  Third time is a charm I guess.   Business as usual here in the Land of Lisanti.  Here are the stats and yes I know I am posting October’s stats in December.  I am month behind.  Always a day late and a dollar short.

Number of Surf Sessions: 21
Days surfed: 20
Time In Water: 34hrs
Number of Waves Surfed: 497
Average Waves Surfed Per Hour: 15

Spots Surfed:
New Jetty : 8
Rincon: 7
Waddel Creek, Santa Cruz: 1
Moss Landing Montery:  1
Surf Beach: 1
Santa Clara River Mouth: 1
Emma Wood: 1
La Conchita: 1

Top 3 Sessions in October:

3. 10/27/11 AM Session: 2-3+, New Jetty
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 25
You know those sessions when you feel like  God? I had one today.  It was only about chest to head high and a bit crumbly with the wind on it, not to mention a larger then optimal crowd.  I was on and that was all that mattered.  Every good wave seemingly came right to me.  All my turns were crisp. I stuck a bunch of airs.  It was just one of those days.

2.  10/18/11 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Surf Beach
Time in Water: 1hr 50mins
Waves Surfed: 27
Ahhh, Surf Beach and just about the one year anniversary of the fatal shark attack that happened there. With minimal swell and a need for adventure Kooky and I threw caution to the wind and went up to the wild north.   Upon pulling into the lot we were greeted by fun looking glassy chest high plus bowls with out a person in sight.  As we got changed this crazy old man who had to be over eighty and was born in Lompoc in 1924, lived there his whole life, began telling us all these gnarly stories of way back in the day.  He lost his wife of like thirty years last year and found himself a bit lonely these days.  I always find it really sad when old people lose their spouse after all that time.  I could not imagine the heart break.  Turns out he should not drive cause he has dementia but does anyway cause he does not give a fuck.  First thing he said to us was “I’m 86 years old and lost in life, maybe I always had been”.  Those words always win me over.  Then as we were about to paddle out this lady whom I have surfed both there and Jalama with claimed some guys saw a 12 foot great white there yesterday. I told her “well that was not today now was it” and paddled out.  Turns out the session was super fun and both Kooky and I scored some sick waves.  I got a few barrels.  We stopped at the Jalama Cafe for Lunch,  my favorite eatery in the area and ran into that same old guy.  What an awesome day.

1.  10/13/11 AM Session: 4-6ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs 45mins
Waves surfed: 27
Oh man, Rincon.  Today was the first day I have to say Rincon really cooked for me this season.  Kooky and I got there and the lot was packed.  I was going to drive away, but my rule of thumb is that if I can get a space in the front lot then I will surf the place regardless.  I ended up snagging a spot and was stoked I did.  The place was on.  I started up at River Mouth and surfed from there down three times.  I had some sick ones.  Out of the 27 waves at least twenty had no less then 9 turns.  I got two from high River Mouth to Low Cove and called boxed one from high cove.  Killian was out and had some guy filming him with a 35mm.  I had so many sick ones it was incredible. I love Rincon.

Well there you have it the month of October in surf sessions.  As always if you enjoy reading these little session reviews check out the surflog where I post some type of insanity about both my life and surfing every single day.

Alright this was not taken in the month of October. My boy Dave's girl Roo shot it at Santa Clara River Mouth back in March. Its still a sicky though.


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Always Expect the Unexpected (Power of Ten)

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 29, 2011| 4 Comments »

I know this is going to shake a few trees with this month’s Power of Ten.  First let me say these were some of the best lists submitted as of yet.  I had to literally spend the last two weeks on who I wanted to pick.  Then a new contender entered the ring and she came out swinging.  Maybe that is how the crowd felt when they saw Babe Ruth point to the left field bleachers and hit one out of the park the first time.  Fifi gets two points for her efforts, but then again not surprising when she dates UCB all star Mauriello.   All the lists I got this month were gold so if you did not get the win maybe tweak it a little more for next month.

1.  Your Hair: I assume she is talking about my hair since it is my blog and not just hair in general.  I have a vain obsession with my hair.  I should have been bald already, that did not happen.  I rocked long hair from when I was 14 all the way until now (well I guess my hair is still longer for most guys, but it seems short to me).  I have always pride myself on the up keep of my own hair.  Hair on your head does nothing for warmth or very little from what I have read.  It was given to us to enhance each and every person’s individuality.  As a result I have always had the utmost respect for hair stylists, artists in their own right.  I tend to be a heavy tipper in general but let me tell everyone your hair dresser is not one to stiff.  I leave mine 30%.  Despite my hairs straw like texture I would not trade it for anything in the world.

2. Girls You Think Are “The One” Then End Up Being Lame:  This could be an entire blog, shit it has been running around in my head for the last six months.  I have been bitching about romance and my pain for some time now so I will spare everyone for the moment, although I am in the process of formulating a piece on love that may be one of my best works since “One Last Perfect Day” and “Bowing Out“.  I love and truly believe in the whole concept of “The One” and that everyone is meant to meet their “One and Only” and when they do both parties male and female will know it.  There will be none of that stupid game playing bullshit.  For me I fall hard when I meet a woman that I find compatible, do everything in my power to keep them safe, happy and satiated.  In the end they are never content and always want more leaving me alone and miserable.   I would not call any of them lame though.  They would not have hurt me so badly if they were lame.  Things did not work out.  I was not the man for any of them.  All I think is that I hope they find all the happiness they are searching for and could not see in me.

3. People Who Don’t Dress Up When They Go Out: There was a time less then sixty years ago when peoples casual clothes were better then what we today call “dressed up”.  I love to dress up and I love to flash even more.  I have a closet full of threads and 13 pairs of shoes.  Still I am never satisfied with my wardrobe.  Dressing up is part of the fun of going out.  Picking out what to wear then wondering what everyone else will wear.  In today’s sad world I go out to the bar looking like class and more then half the crowd is is looking like trash.  Sure I can understand it at a dive bar, but if you are at an en vogue spot beach attire is inappropriate.  I wore a suit out the other night and was looking sharp.  Some guy came up to me in a t-shirt, poor fitting cheap Kmart jeans and sneakers then proceeded to give me a hard time on what I was wearing.  My roommate’s girl friend tried to tell me I look like I am trying to hard.  Shoots I just want to look good.  Ladies when you don a sexy but classy dress, designer heels and do yourself up all beautiful my outfit is then a complement to you.  It blows my mind when I see a woman dressed to the nines with some guy in a white t-shirt and baseball cap at the club.  What happened to class people?

4.  The Texture of Cat’s Bellies: Cats stomachs are gnarly.  They just sort of hang down all soft.  My Grandmother would not pick up cats cause she claimed it felt like she could feel their insides.  Plus when they eat too much their stomach expands to a strange little ball.  Its odd for sure but fun to pet at the same time.  My family’s cat Hercules is a conniving little bastard and will roll over on his back so that you can scratch his belly, but when you do he grabs your hand with his paws and bites. Cats are interesting creatures.

5.  Girls Who Make You Pick Them Over Surfing:  For me this does not happen.  I tell women that I am with as soon as things start getting serious that surfing has been with me before them and will be with me after them.  My whole life has revolved around surfing. With out it I am not complete.  If you really surf and are not just one of those “I surf once a month or less” types you know what I am talking about.  When I am not surfing or at work, my girlfriend when I have one always gets the rest of my time and these days if the surf is terrible she can have that time too.  Ask me to choose and I am leaving with my board in hand.

6. Wine Under $5: I must first address the fact that Kooky Kyle had this on his Power of Ten as well.  Normally that would make a list void, but I do not think Fifi saw Kooky’s list in the comments so I am allowing it and it is my blog thus I can do whatever I want.  There are great wines in every price range, but it is true the pricier the wine the better the quality if you know what you are looking for.  I personal at the moment cant spend more then $14 a bottle, that is because I drink about a case a week and am renovating the apartment.  I have a few gems I enjoy under $5 before tax.  The key is to look for sales.  I have been buying this really good Chianti cause it has been marking down from $18 to $6.  I am going to actually start a new edition to Recipe D’Jour where I will list wines I think are worth drinking cause it has come to my attention that most people are clueless when it comes to picking a nice wine and since I do go to a lot of tasting and such have a bit more exposure to the scene then your average bear.

7. Cooking for Children: I learned how to cook at very young age and as a result found a love for the kitchen.  I think everyone should teach kids some basic cooking techniques at age ten.  Maybe just simple things like how to boil water and cook some pasta, heat up a bit of sauce out of a jar.  Give them a bit of understanding of the dangers of being careless around heat.  As far as cooking meals for children I believe in comfort food, Hot dogs, chicken fingers/nuggets, ham burgers, pasta, peas and carrots, fish sticks, pizza etc.  Then as their pallets begin to develop try to slip in other dishes that have similar characteristics.  Chicken fingers can easily be made into chicken parmigiana, which is almost a combination off pizza and chicken fingers.  I see too many parents try to force their kids to eat adult food too soon and then turn the kids off to certain flavors and even entire meat groups.  It takes time for our pallets to develop.  I hated veal as a kid and now I find it quite the scrumptious culinary treat.

8.  Towels Out of the Dryer: I was just thinking about this one the other day as I was pulling my beach towels out of the dryer.  They are amazing.  There is something about taking a towel out of dryer and sticking your face into it.  It is sooo soft and warm.  Sometimes I wrap my entire body in it right there in the laundry room.  Back when I lived in the frat  my neighbor walked in on me enjoying a freshly washed and dried towel right there in the garage.  Our eyes met and she nodded at me in approval.  What kind of monster would not like a freshly dried towel?

9.  Girls That Look Shrimpy But End Up Having Amazing Bodies: For starters I think most women have amazing bodies.  Everyone is shaped differently and have to play to their strengths.  If a girl has an amazing body but is coming up short and looking featureless then she needs to rethink her wardrobe.  I am not a stylist when it comes to women.  I know what looks good and what does not.  All I can say is my ex girl friend Adrienne was very good at dressing to her strengths being a more petite woman.     Guys do it too.  I am a bit skinny for a man so I built a wardrobe that plays to my strengths.

10. Why the “Power of Ten” is so successful: Fifi is rather new to the Lisanti sphere of influence and so are many of my new Word Press readers.  Back in the Myspace days I used to regularly write these types of blogs where I would just rant or project my insanity on multiple topics.  Also it ups the ante on the UCB contest and challenges me to be short winded on a plethora of topics.  Initially when I wrote the first one “Your a Fucking Idiot But So Am I” it was  because everyone was dumping UCB topics on me in massive lists.  I wrote this blog to prove that quality is better then quantity.  Unfortunately in America where the opposite is embraced the blog back fired and became an instant hit.  I have always been a believer in giving the public what they like.

There is a cat belly to be reckonned with.

Its all about dressing to your strengths.

No woman will ever take me from the barrel.


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Hmmm…Lots of Surfing: September 2011

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2011| Leave a Comment »

September was a good month for me surf wise.  At the beginning I had a crazy girl friend type thing that eventually went up in ruins.  By and by I still managed to sneak in a bunch of fun surf sessions.  There were point sessions, beach break sessions, a fun mission up north.  All and all I would call the month of  September a victory for surfing at least.  Here are the stats and top sessions.  Now if the rest of my life could have fallen into place in September I would be doing alright.  Hey I am still alive right?  If everything worked out for me then there would be nothing to write about and I would be rather boring.  So for everyone who likes to read about my personal misery lets hope it will be business as usual in Lisanti Land.  For now things are looking like they will be status quot for quite awhile.  Lucky me.

Number of Surf Sessions: 27
Days Surfed: 23
Time In Water: 39 hrs 25 minutes
Waves Surfed: 505
Waves Caught Per Hour: 13

Spots Surfed:

Rincon: 9
New Jetty: 9
Hammonds: 2
Jalama: 1
Emma Wood: 1
Santa Clara River Mouth: 1
Fruit Stands: 1
C Street: 1
Ventura Campgrounds: 1

Top 3 Surf Sessions:

3: 9/20/11 AM Session: 2-3ft, New Jetty
Time In Water: 1hr 50mins
Waves Surfed: 28
Buoys had a little south push on them and conditions were clean so I ran down to Ventura Harbor where sure enough I was greeted with some playful waist to chest high surf.  There were fun little bowls everywhere.  Crowd was a bit heavy at first, but I luckily got it in the middle of morning shift and lunch shift leaving me a good hour with just a few chill dudes out sharing really fun waves.

2: 9/13/11 AM Session: 2-3+ft, New Jetty
Time in Water: 2hrs 15mins
Waves Surfed: 25
What a session.  I think it has been weeks since I have had a surf that I truly walked out of the water amped on.  This day was unreal.  The wind stayed down all morning leaving me with perfect lefts, running for about 100 yards down the beach, with barrels and about chest to head high.  The crowd was a shit show, but I still managed to get my choice of what ever I wanted.  I had a sick back door barrel on the wave of the day, stuck three ally-oops, and over all just owned it.  I felt so good out there.  So much fun.  I will take that session to the bank.

1: 9/27/11 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Rincon
Time In Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 20
Lindsay pretty much begged me to take her surfing this morning.  My new schedule has me rather booked up leaving not much time to be able to allow her to tag along with me.  She was hard up for good waves being relegated to nothing but Mesa Lane and other shitty town spots.  I remember those days and always have sympathy for those with out a car here who are serious about surfing.  I took her to Rincon not expecting much more then a high tide grovel session at the River Mouth.  We were pleasantly surprised with some new pumping NW swell.  I got two waves from Indicator all the way to mid Cove.  We are talking easy 300 yard rides with 15 turns a piece, full on leg burners.  Lindsay snagged a great one from high River Mouth to high Cove.  Everyone was getting tons of great waves.  My friend Antoine and I shared a wave from Indicator all the way to upper Cove and changed tracks four times.  It was a super fun session. Did I mention there were maybe 30 guys on the whole point?  Oh yeah 5 days in a row of the ‘Con!!!!!   Well Im about to run back and get some more before class this afternoon!!

There you have it.  If  you enjoy this little post session synapses fell free to visit the surf log where I post daily updates of my surfing endeavors and other ridiculous shit.

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Good Riddance: August Surfing In Review

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2011| 11 Comments »

Talk about one of the worst months of surfing I can remember in years.  August was positively atrocious for surfing here in Central California.  Up north was blown out all month.  Down south was blown out all month.  There was a serious lack of quality south swells and what meager scraps of bread we were garnished with came along with terrible winds.  Then I flew home to New Jersey to play some shows in the East Village, NYC (see A Trip Back East blog for more about that excursion) and stepped into a terrible flat spell there, just when California got a fun run of south surf.  Go figure.

Besides depravity there was not much more to report from the month of August.  Here is the break down.  If you have been following some of the previous months the numbers speak for themselves on just how pathetic this month in surfing was.  Also the Surf Log section of this site has taken a bit of a new direction.  I am now using it not just as a place to log in my surfing sessions but also as a little day to day  journal on some of the more major events, but too minor for their own blog that happen to me.  I update it just about everyday so it may be worth a look from time to time cause I write some funny fucked up shit in there.

Number of Sessions: 16
Days Surfed: 14
Time Spent in the Water: 25 hours
Waves Surfed: 400
Waves Caught Per Hour: 16

Spots Surfed:

New Jetty: 5
Emma Wood: 2
Santa Clara River Mouth: 2
Fruit Stands: 2
C Street: 1
Lead Better: 1
Hobsons: 1
Manasquan Inlet, NJ: 1
Philadelphia Ave, Sea Girt, NJ: 1
Top 3 Sessions:

3. 8/26/11 AM Session: 1-3+ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 1 hr 15min
Waves Surfed: 33
A small rise in wind swell had me scrambling down to Emma Wood for a little grovel session before work.  Far from spectacular it was about chest high and glassy although a bit weak and inconsistent.  There were only three people out and I was there so I went for a paddle.  For whatever reason I was surfing very well sticking all kinds of good shit including a backside air I rode out fakie, a frontside ally oop and nice backside reverse.  I even had one wave I managed to get three solid top to bottom reos ending it with a small backside air reverse in the shore break.  Then all these grommies came out and clogged it, but it was fine cause I had to go to work anyhow.

2. 8/8/11 AM Session: 2-3ft, Fruit Stands

Time In Water: 1hr 45mins
Waves Surfed: 44

Fruit Stands has been the out performer this season.  Although a tad bit smaller then the day before and slightly more windy there were still plenty of boostable bowls and some barrels.  I turned the place into an air show.  Oh and did I mention My boy Ryan and I had the place to ourselves yet again.  I love surfing.

3.  8/7/11  AM Session: 2-4+ft, Fruit Stands

Time In Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 35

Small drop in size, with a big drop in current, light wind and peaky little bowls up and down the beach led to an amazing session.  My new roommate decided to roll with me.  The whole line-up consisted of myself, him and my boy Ryan.   My Roommate way out of surf shape got swept down the beach by the usual current at Fruit Stands.  I found a killer peak all to myself, while my buddy sat a bit north of me and we just ripped the shit out of these fun waves.  It was like a fucking skate park.  Sooo Good.

This has nothing to do with surfing but then again neither did the month of August. I thought this to be an interesting form or birth control. Fuck them stalks and their stupid babies they try and push off on us.

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When Lightning Strikes

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 24, 2011| 4 Comments »

Kooky Kyle takes the cake on the last UCB of the quarter with the topic “lightning”.  Him and I were actually discussing this topic while cruising around the streets of NYC on my most recent jaunt back east (see blog: A Trip Back East for those deatails). Out of all of my friends he was the only one to come see my performance in the East Village and for that I was rather stoked.  He had never heard me play before and I think was left a bit awestruck good or bad I do not know.  He gets one point for his efforts.  Sorry Kooky no double points for you.

I have two interesting stories to tell about lightning and although rather far fetched I can vouch for both and actually have witnesses for both.  When it comes to something as crazy as lightning anything is possible.  A fellow psychotic die hard surfer gave me some wise advice when I was a teen “There are two things you should never mess with, sharks and lightning”.  I have yet to heed his warning.  I fuck with both.  Surfing in some of the most shark infested water to surfing through full on lightning storms.  That brings us to our first story.

The Flaming Barrel

 About seven years ago or so I was out surfing in front of the Lost Castle (nickname given to my run down beach bungalow I lived in on 2nd Ave, Manasquan, NJ.  Currently we call my abode in Santa Barbara the Lisanti Palace although it is far from a palace and more like a run down crack house.).  It was mid August and the surf had been down for nearly two weeks.  We finally got an inkling of a tropical swell with a very short window.  I am talking hours here.

Conditions were trash with heavy onshore winds thanks to the extremely hot weather.  In the summer NJ on such days as a result of all the humidity is garnished with intense thunderstorms.  The storms bring a good deal of thunder and lightning. They also bring offshore winds with them.  The catch is the offshore winds usually only last while the storm is hitting.  This makes for perfect yet dangerous surfing conditions.

We like to call these surf sessions, electric sessions for obvious reasons.  My buddy Sorbo and I had paddled out at Sea Watch beach and were making the most of the crowded chest high blown to shit conditions.  As we are sitting out there we noticed the ominous black clouds on the horizon, which could only mean one thing, bad weather.  As always when adverse weather arrives on the beach there is a mass exodus of fleeing beach goers to escape the rain and lightning.

The storm cleared the line up and the wind began to pick up turning absolute garbage into perfect little cylinders.  Immediately we found ourselves getting shacked off our ass.  Then it started to rain, torrential down pour.  It was raining so hard it made it hard to see.  Still using my surf senses I was grabbing good tube after good tube.  The lightning started and we could tell this was not going to be one of these thunderstorms where the lightning stayed up in the clouds or hit far away.

Sorbo and I could see it hitting all around us and at one point even felt the heat from the strokes.  At this point we thought of leaving, but my justification for staying out was that it was most likely more dangerous to get out and run up the beach for cover.  Lightning loves to get people on the beach. Sorbo was a tough sale, but I told him I read it somewhere.  Rule of thumb when attempting to convince a person on anything tell them “you read it somewhere or saw it on the news”.  Nine times out of ten they will take your word for it.

Right after we made the decision to stay and surf I ended up snagging a solid head high bowl and backed doored the thing.  While in the barrel all I could see was yellow and orange and it was hot in there.  Then I came out and there was a huge crash of thunder.  I was all disoriented and Sorbo was sitting on the shoulder with a crazed look in his eyes.  According to his account a bolt of lightning hit the wave as I pulled in and all he saw was a bright flash of light and then me coming out of the barrel.

I believe that because I was in the tube the voltage went all around me with the water but never touched me.  I came out griming with no idea what happened or how close I had come to be fried.  Shortly after the storm cleared, the wind went back onshore and the crowd showed back up.  By far it was one of the strangest surfing experiences I have ever had.

The Circle of Death

It was the summer of 2002, mid August. Like I said that is peak thunderstorm season.  A group of my close friends, including my old roommate Cory, Mookie, CH, Brian M. and a few others were helping out with this free one day surf clinic at Manasquan Inlet courtesy of Quicksilver.  This was before all the surf camp mambo jumbo of today.  I was working at Ocean Hut Surf Shop at the time and was let out early to go represent the shop as another instructor.  I got there just as the thunderstorm was beginning to roll in and everyone scurrying off the beach for their lives.

I was standing under this cabana type thing they have up on the ocean walk there (Manasquan does not have a board walk, but an asphalt paved walk way along its beach front) slyly filling my pockets with Quicksilver promo gear.  I heard one of the loudest crashes of thunder I have ever auscultated in my entire life.  Upon looking up I saw all of my friends lying on their backs on the beach.

I wanted to go running to their aid, but then checked myself.   The lightning was not letting up and if they got hit they were probably dead anyway and I was not nearly qualified to give the kind of aid they would have needed for survival anyhow.  I stood there momentarily horrified.  Then one by one they began to get up and stagger back to the cabana.  As it turns out a bolt of lightning struck the sand directly in front of them and the whole group was brought down by the excess shock. Cory claims it was one of the scariest moments of his life.  All I can say is it was nuts to witness.

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The Power of Ten: September

Posted in Life, Music, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2011| 4 Comments »

Well everyone this week marks the last week of the summer quarter of the UCB.  The 21st has come and gone and like summer so has this quarter.  I must say it has been a rather dicey one and I have no idea at the moment who will win.  Before I tally up the points and claim a champion I first want to write September’s Power of Ten Blog, worth two points and there will be one more UCB blog written this week that will also be included for the Summer quarter.  Mauriello wins this months power of ten and earns two UCB points.  Here is his list.

1.  Asian Girls  – I have never dated an Asian girl.  I think it is because I am politically incorrect and call them Orientals.  In all seriousness I rarely find one that turns me on.  It is funny too cause most guys I talk to are all about the tiny Asian chicas.  I guess it is the en-vogue thing right now.  I did meet a guy from Korea at the bar once who after watching the girl I was with disrespect me multiple times before going home with some other guy all together (Santa Barbara Girls just exude class) told me I should meet an Asian girl fresh off the boat and she would treat me right.  There is this cashier at Albertsons, whom I have been friends with for years.  She is Chinese and although not a real looker I bet she would make a good wife.  I mean she works like 60 hours a week so I know she has good work ethic.  I should propose to her.  I figure it can’t be any worse then the women I spend my time with these days.

2.  Aiming While Peeing – For starters I have the worst aim ever when it comes to hitting the bowl.  When I am sober I have a 50/50 chance.  When I am drunk those stats drop considerably.  What that means is I clean a ton of piss off my bathroom floor.  I find it astounding that I am so challenged at a seemingly futile task.  I mean I am only 5’9 and I have a gargantuan penis leaving not all that much distance to cover.  I tried to write my name in the snow once and just ended up pissing all over myself.

3.  Shaving – I know I wrote an entire blog about this back in like 2006.  If someone goes back to the myspace site and finds it I will give you two UCB points.  Post the blog in the comments of this blog.  Anyhow I hate shaving and am terrible at it.  Like that peeing thing its just not something I have a finesse for.  I cut myself every other time I shave and my face hurts like hell afterwards.  I have tried those electric razors, but I am Italian and it does not get close enough leaving me with a five O’clock shadow only a few hours later.  I used to rock a beard for a while but I got tired of the Jesus/homeless/terrorists gags.  Maybe I should get electrolysis for my entire face.

4. Micheal Jackson – I love Jack-o even if at times he was a little wack-o.  His music was tight and his eccentricities entertaining.  I am very sorry he died his untimely death yet it might have been better for him to leave a world in which he was misunderstood.  I still do not believe he molested any children.  Well maybe just the British children.  Then again not even George Washington saved them.

5.  Emma Wood – Emma Wood is a shitty beach/reef break in Northern Ventura County.  Its a bowly punchy wave that is glorified shore break at best.  That being said it has become the epicenter of high performance surfing in the (805) and on any given day a host of local pros, groms, up and comers, rippers and has beens will be out battling for shitty little peaks.  One thing for sure it is one of the more consistent waves in the area, handles most swell directions and a wave can be found there over 300 days a year.  Also its a great wave to shoot photos on thanks to it’s proximity to the beach and is one of the few spots around here where you can watch the action from your car while smoking a bowl and chugging a brew.

6.  Disney Movies – I have to say I am a not a fan at all.  Some of the older stuff from the sixties are not horrible but overall you can take that G rated family shit and shove it up your ass.  I will raise my children on mafia movies like Casino and Scarface.  No sense making them grow up in a fantasy world only to find out what a cold relentless place it is later.  If I had to pick one I would go with Aladdin.  Jasmine had a nice rack and I would have titty fucked the shit out of her, then bent her over the bed and got her from behind.

7.  Teaching Dogs Tricks –  As far as I am concerned outside of herding dogs, seeing eye dogs and bomb squad dogs they are more trouble then they are worth.  I don’t care if they roll over, play dead or shake my hand.  You want a real trick, shit in the toilet, do not chew up the furniture and don’t eat shit that will make you puke.  Those are tricks I would want my fictitious dog to learn.  Movie dogs are ok too for entertainment value.  While we are on the subject I hate when people dress up their dogs.  It really makes me mad.

8.  Surf Board Quivers –  Been there, done that, wrote that.

9. Ice Sculptures –  I had a friend who did ice sculptures for a living a few years back.  The guy was crazy talented at it.  I always thought it would be really frustrating to spend all that time on something you knew was going to melt in a few hours for some stupid party for unappreciative rich people.  I would rather turn that block of ice into a liquor luge and have a real good time.

10.  Forrest Gump – On one hand I find Forrest Gump to be a rather powerful yet some what far fetched film.  On the other I get really pissed off to think that a fucking retard could do some much more in his life then I ever will.  Fuck him, his box of chocolates and Lieutenant Dan.  Jenny was a babe.  Too bad she was all messed up in the head like ever other bitch out there to realize what a good man she had. Sorry folks I am a little bitter this week.

Tell me that is not a cartoon you would not be all over?

I will take a mail order Asian.

Jack-o you are missed.

Emma Wood, an oldie but a goodie.

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Back in the Saddle: July Surfing

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 31, 2011| 1 Comment »

Despite one of the worst summers of surfing in recent California history I still managed to bring my surfing back up to speed considering the crapper it took back in June (see blog: Oh That Summertime for more details).  In July I was determined to fall back in love with surfing again.  I found myself for the most part done with my whiny ass self pity and back to my roots: SURFING!!!  I had a few surfing adventures including a trip up north to Surf Beach (see blog: Return to Surf Beach for that story).  I battled the absurd crowds for a few days in Orange County surfing Lower Trestles (see blog: Orange County Can Keep Lowers for that story) and I experienced the adventure of the summer, maybe the year, sailing out with a buddy of mine to the Channel Islands (See blogs: A Sea Going Voyage, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 for that epic tale).

All I can say is that the surf gods gave me lemons and I not only made lemonade, but lemon meringue pie too.  Below are the stats and stand out sessions from July.  Oh, did I mention Rincon broke legit a few times as well?

Number of Session: 23
Days Surfed: 19
Time Spent in the Water: 44 hours
Number of Waves surfed: 634
Waves Surfed Per Hour: 14

 Spots Surfed:

New Jetty: 5
Emma Wood: 4
Rincon: 3
Lower Trestles: 3
Fruit Stands: 2
River Mouth: 2
Mesa Lane: 2
Surf Beach: 1
Channel Islands: 1

Top 3 Sessions:

3. 7/10/11 PM Session: 2-4+ft, Fruit Stands
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 33
Fruits stands is sort of a secret spot on the Oxnard/Ventura border that everyone knows about but thanks to an inconvenient hike  and no easy way to check it the place is seldom surfed.  This was actually the first time I ever surfed the spot always opting for the more easy access waves.  My boy Ryan called me and said there were killable little bowls coming through and surf enough the place was a fucking chest to head high skate park.  It was a little windy but for a 45 minute window I had a blast.  Did I mention Ryan and I had he whole place to ourselves on a beautiful sunny Sunday afternoon?

2. 7/5/11 AM Session: 1-3+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 1hr 45mins
Waves Surfed: 25
Rincon in July!?!???!! I know its crazy.  I heard rumors all weekend that there had been been waves at the ‘Con and not just the usual little long board waves typical of summer, but actual short board-able waves.  This morning with the near negative low tide and some time for a change I thought I would give it a look.  Sure enough there were really fun waist to chest high waves coming through.  I was pumped.  I always forget how good Rincon is, even on the bad days.  I spent the entire session up at Low Indicator and High River Mouth.  If it were winter I would not have even entertained the session but in summertime with near piss warm water and 80 degree sunny weather, why not.  I was burning up in my 4/3 and almost shedded it for the trunks I had in the car.   Have I mentioned how much I love Rincon on this blog yet?  One thing is that will always hold true is that she will never leave me for some unworthy dufuss.  Yeah she is a whore, but she always sets aside her best for me.

1. 7/29/11 AM Session: 4-6+ft, Some Where in the Channel Islands
Time In Water: 4 hrs
Waves Surfed: 39
See Blog: A Sea Going Voyage:  Part II; Quality Ocean Time for details and See Blog: A Sea Going Voyage Part III; I Didn’t Expect that to Happen. 

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A Trip Back East

Posted in Music, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on August 23, 2011| 8 Comments »

Where have I been you ask?  I really hope no one is posing this question.  There was a time when my life could have been like one of those “Where’s Waldo” books.  These days I am rather happily complacent (complacent is a stretch) at my quaint Santa Barbara home.  To be honest I am rather happy, at least the happiest version of Chris Lisanti I have yet to know.

For the last seven days I have been running amuck back in my old stomping grounds Manasquan, NJ and the East Village, NYC.  Life is funny, five months ago if you told me I would be sitting in an airport terminal at Newark, NJ in August writing a recap blog I would have made some strange PHSSSSST type sound effect and cruised.  Here I am.

Proximity

How did I get here?  It all started with a night of depression drinking followed by a series of parties.  That’s right every now and again my reckless lifestyle puts forth an opportunity.  I met this incredibly nice guy, Ken at a party of a mutual friend.  We got to talking and next thing I know he was calling me to work on some music with him for this original play he was looking to put on over the summer.

At first I was hesitant, but I read the script and fell in love with the play, well I think it is the last few lines that always get me all choked up being a hopeless romantic despite my cavalier façade of a womanizer.  Then Ken played me some of the music and I was sold.  He had written one of the most fun contemporary scores I have ever heard for a show.  Being rather burnt out on doing any work what so ever for musical theatre this was saying a great deal.  I signed on not quite knowing what I was getting myself into.

I showed up to this potluck dinner at this ridiculous mansion up in the hills of Montecito, immediately thinking I was in the wrong place.  As usual I arrived about a half hour late.  I find it easier to walk into a party with everyone already there so I can case out the situation and make a stealthy escape if I find the scenario to be one of agitation.  Upon walking in the door I found myself being hugged by eight different people.

That was almost enough to send me running for the hills, but they seemed harmless enough and they were after all theatre people.  It was an amazing evening and the passion these young people had for their craft was mesmerizing to me.  They ended up sucking me in to their “family”, the Proximity family.  Being on my own again for the first time in two years it felt nice to belong to a group so full of goodness and love.

We delved into work and next thing I knew I found myself learning dance steps for a music video, on the beach dressed in all black running through the ocean like a banshee, playing saxophone at a benefit event in a group who’s style was deemed “electro-pop-funk” where I took the stage for the first time in eight years.  Then there were exhaustingly frustrating eight-hour rehearsals, tantrums, disagreements and finally the formation of a remarkable piece of work.

We ran three shows in Santa Barbara for a packed house and were well received.  I had friends in the audience who never even knew I played the sax and were blown away.  From Santa Barbara we were rushed out to NYC to do the show all over again in the East Village, the first time I would play in the city in ten years.  Life can be amazing at times.

NJ

 I took full advantage to of the opportunity.  I usually only get to see my family once a year at Christmas time.  The last time I was at the Jersey shore in the summer time was when I lived there four years prior.  I decided to build a few extra days in before the show to go spend some quality time with my folks and sister.  Truth be told I had been feeling a little bit home sick the last few months and wanted to remind myself why I left.

All I can say is that NJ is a hellhole.  Its hot and sticky even at 2am in the summer and then in the winter you freeze your ass off.  No thank you, I will take the predictable moderate climate of Santa Barbara any day.  The surf was flat the entire time yet some how I managed to break my toe while fucking around in knee high surf finless.   If you want to know more about my Jersey surf sessions visit the surflog.

It rained nonstop for two whole days and was deemed by the weather service a record rain fall for that time of year.  Seriously?  Last time I was home for Christmas I got dumped on by five feet of snow and was stuck inside for three days.  The last time I surfed in NJ before this trip I cut my foot open requiring eight mattress stitches and severed a tendon that never really healed correctly.  That is what you get when you don’t have medical insurance boys and girls.  I am telling you New Jersey hates me.

I did have a grand old time on the party scene, getting to pre game with my boys Kiefer and Greg P at his pad in Asbury, met up with my old roommate and downtown SB partner in crime Cory Kisiel, which lead to a black out, old habits die hard.  Kooky Kyle brought me by the Porch to catch up with none other then Bojangles and Scotty B.  My friend Micheala took me to some fun bar in Asbury that had plastic sand pails full of rum (that was a mistake).  Kooky, Val and I went to some bar in Avon that had tiny little 8oz beers for a $1 where I ended up getting absolutely sloshed for $13.

Kooky and I hit on some random girls just to show my sister what a lurk was all about.  I pretended to be from California, but it went horribly wrong.  As it turned out they knew me from when I lived in NJ and call me out. “Your name is Chris Lisanti right? Weren’t you a pro surfer?”  We slunked away defeated into the corner and had a laugh and half about it.  They were ugly anyway and lucky I even talked to them.  It was only to entertain Val who was nice enough to be my designated driver.  I have a woman I am seeing back in Santa Barbara right now who as far as I am concerned is far better looking, intelligent and straight up more amazing then anything Jersey could even try and temp me with.

I even ran into former Jerseyite Beth Anne, now living in Laguna, but was in town visiting her family as well.  As usual we exchanged the same words “I hate this place, can’t wait to go back to California”.  I bumped into former Lisanti Land character Jiggles, who I barely recognized thanks to a major weight loss.  I guess we should not call him Jiggles anymore.

Catching up with my family was as good as it ever could be.  Besides a few tiny scuffles my mother and I got on famously.  We had some quality walks on the beach, I cooked a few scrumptious dinners, and breakfasts, including banana fosters waffles.  I think everyone gained a few extra pounds on my stay.  My parents and I played a round off golf at the course I used to be the assistant greens keeper at (I asked if the same horse’s ass owned it and I could immediately tell by the look in the girl’s eyes who took our fare that it was, look for an odd jobs on that job one of theses days).  Apparently they have been practicing cause they stomped my ass.  I was easily fifteen strokes behind.  I think it is just that I play better high and the chronic in NJ sucks, on top of being highly illegal.

On my last day I even got to catch up with my good old friend and one of my very first minions, Sorbo.  If you remember back to the myspace.com days he was almost killed in a horrific motorcycle accident.  Since then I guess he has been just floundering trying to figure out his next step in life.  We ended up bombing some hills in the Brielle Cemetery together.  I had not skated that since I was in high school.  I gave him a passport to Lisanti Land and an open invitation.  I really hope he takes me up on it.  A little time out in my world I think will do him a bit of good.

NYC

The last time I was in New York City was also four years ago and my time and a good deal of my money was spent at these gnarly ultra private clubs in the meatpacking district.  I am talking about places with no sign that look like an abandoned building, but then were super luxurious inside.  This time I was there on business to help tell the story of Shandy Wilkes through the melodic prowess of my soprano saxophone.

The show ran from Thursday the 18th to Saturday the 20th at the Robert Moss Theatre in the Village.  Initially I was far from impressed by the capacity of the small sound stage.  As soon as I pulled out my horn and began to blow I fell in love with the room.  By far one of the best sounding spaces I have played in.

Taking the train in everyday was quite the three-hour adventure, driving from my parents’ home in Manasquan to Metro Park, 45 minutes.  Taking the train from Metro Park to Penn Station another 45 minutes, then finally walking from 32nd street to 4th street in the village around another thirty minutes or so.  It was fun for the three days I had to do it.  If I had to commute into the city every day like most workers do I would kill myself.

Friday night’s show went down in front of a packed house, standing room only at times.  I felt in my opinion it was the best I had seen the actors perform the show.  I was blown away and that is saying a lot for me.  Saturday I went into the city with my parents, where we met up with my aunt and ejoyed a nice Italian dinner before heading over to theatre.  It was the first time my parents have heard me play live in ten years.  They really enjoyed the show, although no comment was made about my personal playing either way.  From my mother that means it must have sounded good cause although not apt to give a complement she is the first to criticize.

All in all I would have to say it was one of the more enjoyable trips I have had back to my childhood home.  Still it is very nice to be back in California, which really feels like home to me. One thing I will say and maybe this is me getting sentimental in my old age is that I felt a bit sad to be leaving my family behind for another six months till Christmas.

A special thanks goes out to Micheala for filling Nick the Kook’s shoes in his absence, being in Chile, driving me to surf, lending me a board and helping me stay in the party.  Sorbo gets a salutation for helping me pack and ship some new threads I bought. For those of you who don’t know him, Sorbo is a master at the art of packing and shipping.  Kooky Kyle and Cory Kiesel for buying me one two many drinks and my folks for being decent to me.   And my boy Ryan back in California for holding down the fort.  Thanks everyone, with out you Lisanti Land would be not half as fun.

Here are some really terrible photos I took with my cell phone.  Enjoy and thanks for reading.

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Oh No…The Power of Ten for August!

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , on August 19, 2011| 6 Comments »

Nick the Kook gets two points towards his UCB tally this quarter by wining this month’s Power of Ten, a new monthly bonus UCB segment here at surfingruinedmylife.net.  It was between him and Kooky, but Kooky’s topics were just for the most part too involved, many good enough for a stand alone blog.  Sorry Kooky, so sorry.  If your lost on what this is, basically you throw down ten one word or phrase topics and once a month I will pick one list and write a short answer style blog on each.  Only one list of ten per reader, per month please.  The Power of ten is worth two points.

1. Before We Had Cell Phones: I love cell phones. I think they are a great invention at the same time they piss off the fuck out of me.  I really hate the fact that anyone can get in touch with me anywhere at any given time and even worse they know that if I don’t answer more times then not I am blowing them off.  There was a time only about 10 to 12 years ago when cell phones were a rarity set aside for FBI agents and movie stars.  Back then calls to me sometimes went not returned for weeks.  Ahh, the good old days.

2.  People That Sing Too Much:  I don’t really know what this is pertaining to.  I mean Kook sings way to fucking much.  The guy always has some tune going in the water, in the car, walking down the street.  Fucking choirboy, which team are you playing for chief?  Then again I do my share of singing too.

3.  Should Kooky Get a Blog?:  Why shouldn’t he.  Everyone else I know seems to have one these days.  That is the beauty of the new bloging craze, any idiot can give his two cents on the internet and publish that bullshit for anyone to read.  Kind of like this website here, man that Chris Lisanti is a moron, I wish some one could put an end to his terrible blog.  But no one can. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

4.  Dutch Oven: I used to have a Dutch Oven. I bought it at yard sale for like $12 bucks.  I cooked so much good shit  it was not even funny.  They are basically giant cast iron crock-pots.  Then one day I put it under the sink while it was still red hot and it cracked.  I was super bummed out.

5.  Surfing Naked: I have never done it.  Personally it seems to me that with all the wax and what not it would be a rather adverse experience.  There is this story about this crazy surfer from back in NJ, super devote hard core guy, and one hell of a wave rider.  As the story goes he had just got out of the water at Gunnerson’s, an incredible sand bottom right hand point when its on (this day it was on!) and was changing on the beach.  He saw the set of the day rolling in from way up the point.  Instead of admiring the perfection of the place from the beach this dude ripped off his towel and jumped back into the water, paddling into position just in time.  Turns out he got the wave of the day completely buck naked, getting barreled twice.  I guess it is all right since Gunny’s is a nude beach anyway.

6.  Organic Wax: Organic Wax sucks.  It does not stick to your board and does an even worse job of sticking to your feet.  Give me good old carnauba wax any day.

7.  Voting:  I don’t Vote.  I believe I address this issue every election day.  Long story short I don’t watch the news, don’t follow politics, have for the most part decided one useless liar is as good as the next one and until a candidate comes along I actually believe in I shall not cast a vote in any direction.  And yes I know that I am part of the problem.

8.  Best Cereal:  Hands down it’s Honey Bunches of Oats, any variety, although I find the original to be my favorite.  If I had to pick a second it is cinnamon toast crunch, but eating that every day would kill me.  Where as I feel Honey Bunches of Oats is at the very least a tad healthier?

9.  Income Taxes:  I like indirect taxes.  Sure I get mad every paycheck when it is like $100 bucks or so less then it ought to be.  At the same time I would much rather it that way then have to be responsible for figuring out how much I owe at the end of each month or year and save for it.  Plus I make so little money and live so far below the level of poverty that I get a full refund every year anyhow.

10.  First Website I Visit Other Then This Site and The Book: First site, the one my computer home page is set to is surfline.com.  The first and foremost priority in my life is knowing when and where my waves are at.  Not to mention keep up with the global surf gossip.

The exciting world of cooking with a Dutch Oven

Gunnerson’s on a small day. Just look at the potential of that point.

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Bathroom Revenge and Good Times

Posted in Blast From the Past, Blast from the Past: 2009, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on August 18, 2011| 4 Comments »

I wrote this blog back on March 2nd 2009.  At the time I was living in an unofficial fraternity that I had started to enable myself to live rent free.  My ex-wife whom I wrote about last night in Feeling Awkward and I had split up only  a few months prior and I was for all extensive purposes drinking myself to death. This was initially published as a segment I used to call “Week in Review”, which is the equivalent of “News from Lisanti Land” now.  Initially it was a two parter, but I do not have part 2 currently at my disposal so you will just have to wait for it or got searching for it yourself.  I will tell you what, if you do find part 2 and are the first person to post the link in the comments it is worth 3 extra UCB points!  As always anything in red is added hindsight for this blog.

Well this week was a pretty big blur of a 6 day party fiasco, a ridiculous amount of surfing, a ton of visitors from the east coast and way, way, way, too much gnarl.  So I know I said I was going to take it easy on the party scene, but this week was a special exception.  Monday was my boy Brennan’s Birthday, Tuesday was Mardi Gras, then Scott got into town Wednesday and we had to celebrate, Thursday two friends of Cory’s came into town from Pennsylvania, and then it was Friday and Saturday so of course I had to keep on cruising.  Plus Pixie Rixon came up from San Diego to party on Saturday.  Rather then going day by day I’m just going to grab the highlights from the week.

Monday, Feb 23rd, afternoon:  After surfing some of the worst Rincon ever I was pretty much over surfing for the day and headed over to J7’s work shop to fix some boards.  3 hours later Brennan calls me and says he would be super amped  if he could surf a session on his birthday.  I tried to dissuade the guy knowing it was going to be on shore, super low tide and tiny.  Never a man to truly stomp on stoke we ended up cruising to C-street.

We get there and its like knee to waist high and side shore, but no one was out and there were a few lips that looked worthy.  We get out there and I soon realized wearing a 3/2 was a bad choice, the water was freezing and you know that once I get cold I just sit there.  Then there were these two little grommies who were constantly paddling me up the point add up all the adversities and I was pretty much over it.  Brennan got on my case about the whole little kids surfing circles around me thing so I made an effort in the last 30 minutes to school the kids which I did thanks to a 3 foot backside air on a knee high wave.

I got out of the water and my stomach was all cramped up.  These are not your average cramps.  Nope, these are those dreaded explosive diarrhea cramps.  Now I was surfing at the top of C-street and it was low tide leaving me a good 100 yards of rocks to walk over and then another 300 yard dash to the bathroom.  I charged that shit. I don’t think I have ever hustled that fast for anything in my life.  I get in the bathroom, the dirtiest public bathroom probably in all of Ventura County and rip my suit off as fast as humanly possible.  Of course I wore  the new Body Glove Vapor front zip, a very warm and comfortable suit but a bit on the difficult side to take on and off.  Not the sponsor plug, yeah I did my job back when I was a professional surfer.

I managed to get my suit down to my knees just in the nick of time before pissing out my asshole for a solid 15 minutes.  I mean I have had some pretty gnarly diarrhea before but this was crazy.   Straight up nothing but liquid was squirting out my hole.  To make matters worse I was dripping wet and freezing contributing to making this one of the top 3 worst bathroom experiences of my life (shit maybe I will write a blog about that on one of the free days).  Back in the myspace.com days I used to poorly attempt to adhere to a daily blog schedule.  It failed miserably.  I mean look how well I keep up with the UCB and that was suppose to be every Thursday.

Barley surviving I cleaned myself up, pulled back on my cold wet wet suit only to do a sorry walk of shame all the way to bottom free lot just above the pier.  I felt so violated and disgusted by the whole experience.  I got back to the car to a very jubilant Brennan ready to jive the shit out of me.  If it were not his birthday he definitely would have made it onto one of my lists.

I got dressed thinking the whole ordeal was over only to find out 5 minutes later as we are pulling out of the parking lot that the same dreaded cramps hit me again.  I was like dude we have to stop or I’m going to blow the seat out of my pants.  Luckily we were right across from the Habit Burger on Ventura Ave.  I got in there just as this haggard ass homeless lady was walking out.  I open the door and the bathroom is a mess, shit all over the place.

Clenching my ass closed with all my strength I quickly brought the toilet up to a bare bones level of cleanliness for me to sit on the seat.  Once again I took another ass piss.  While I’m in complete digestive agony this Mexican guy keeps banging on the door.  Finally after the 5th  time I scream at the dude that I was in the middle of the worst diarrhea of my life and to get off my fucken case.  Dude backed off.  Finally I guess I must have shitted all that was left in my stomach cause I was good to go, but the whole night out I was in constant fear of the shits coming back with a vengeance.  Luckily for me the whole ordeal was left behind in Ventura.

On a side note this whore I was seeing at the time ended up going home with my boy Brennan. Her excuse “It was his birthday Chris, everyone should get laid on their birthday”.  Somehow that did not make me feel much better.  At least I sort of had a hand in getting my boy laid.

 Wednesday Feb 24th 9pm:  While pre-gaming to go to the bar Face manages to pound 8 beers in a matter of 45 minutes.  Drunk as shit Scott, my Swedish neighbors and I persuade him to table dive through the pyramid of empties he build on the coffee table.  He goes for it belly flopping flat on the table after which I proceeded to poor beer all over his head.  From there he put on his dirt bike helmet while Scott and I hit him over the head with these two broken surfboards that I was going to hang on the wall.  Needless to say he was even more fun at the bar where I’m pretty sure he managed to hit on and aggravate every girl there.   I think one girl even slapped him across the face.  It was classic.

 

 

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