Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘The Fall of My Malcontent’

I am rather behind on my monthly surf reviews and with the end of the year coming I need to get them finished so I can compile my yearly stats. Wait, come to think of it I never actually compiled stats from Last year.  Maybe I will get around to it in 2013.  October held true to our current “Fall of My Malcontent” theme.  The waves for the most part were rather lack luster as was my motivation to surf it.  Couple that with a trip back to New Jersey where it was flat as usual, my Wild Cat party program, work, laziness, a small cash flow problem and an injury at the end of the month marked another all time low in my surfing participation.   I think in the stats I am going to factor in the number of nights I wasted at the Wild Cat as well. As usual here are the numbers.  And did I mention some jack ass threw BBQ sauce all over my car at Silver strand?  Go to love localism.

Number of Surf Sessions: 18
Actual Days Surfed: 16

Total Time Spent in the Water: 27 hours
Number of Waves Surfed: 454
Average Waves Caught Per Hour: 17

Spots Surfed:
Emma Wood: 9
New Jetty: 3
Santa Clara River Mouth:2
Rincon: 1
Silver Strand: 1
C Street: 1
Oxnard Shores: 1

Top 3 Surf Sessions (as per the Surflog)

3)10/12/12 AM Session: 2-3ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves surfed: 33
I had a later then usual start this morning after a fun night of mild party at the Wild Cat with my boy Tim.  I heard the harbor was crowded and a bit walled plus there were two contests at C-street.  A stand up paddle contest and a kayak event!   Are you serious how absurd is that?  I cruised sea cliffs and ended up at Emma Wood.  At first it looked kind of meager, but it was not like I had any other option.  Turns out there were some really fun albeit inconsistent sets.  The conditions were perfect.  It was a splendid sunny day with visibility as far as the eyes could see.  I could see the islands with crystal clear opaqueness.  The water was Caribbean blue and it was so glassy that not a drop of water was out of place.  I ended up with a few tiny shacks, stuck a really nice ally-oop and was just surfing pretty decent over all.  What fun morning to make up for the terrible session I had yesterday courtesy of the crowd.

2)10/17/12 AM Session: 2-4ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 37
What started out as an average over crowded high tide session at Emma turned into a full on froth fest for me.  My boy Pat met me up in order to buy my 5’11 Simon off me.   Its a great board and did me well.  It was my second most profitable board in contest winnings I ever owned.  Now its time with me has past and I could keep it around for nostalgia but I needed money so bye bye.  Of course I forgot the board at home showing up at Emma all empty handed.  To make up for my absentmindedness I decided to throw in one of my 4/3′s to sweeten the deal.  Plus the poor guy is wearing Swiss cheese at the moment and the suit was just collecting dust in my closet anyhow.  We paddled and it was glassy, fun and the crowd died off after the first hour.  Then I kept getting these sick little tubes and stuck a really gnarly backside air all tweaked.  There must have been a total of 9 cameras on the beach through out the entire session. Ridiculous, but I guess if a pro catches a wave and it was not on film it must not have happened.  Good times either way.

3)10/16/12 PM Session: 2-4+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs 15mins
Waves surfed: 17
Its officially point break season and that means its all about quality, not quantity.  Besides I may have only caught 17 waves but I probably did about 50 turns.  This was opening day for me although not for Rincon.  It was pretty flawless with a light crowd of just around 100.  Amazing session.  Read “Thank you Rincon” blog for more on the sess.

The face says it all about my feelings toward surfing in October

The face says it all about my feelings toward surfing in October

Read Full Post »

I got overzealous on the size of the Turkey I was going to cook and it just barely fit in my oven. Some how I managed to get yams and the stuffing in there. To make the Pumpkin pies I had to drive them to my boy Tim’s house to cook them there. I had already filled the pies when I realized they would not fit in the oven and had to drive to his house both up and down steep hills. I ended up driving while holding two pies on what ever angle was opposite the slop. I somehow managed to spill very little.

“A trip here (Lisanti Land) really is an escape from reality, and I love how time or even loose conception of such doesn’t even exist.  Things just happen between day and night and it all sorts itself out in the morning”.  These were the words of my friend West, a relatively new member to the court at the Palace.  I was very surprised when I got a call from him back in September asking if he was welcome to come stay with me for Thanksgiving.  The first time I met West was when he innocently accepted an invitation from Kooky Kyle to come up here from San Diego and spend Christmas with him here in Santa Barbara.

I was suppose to go back to New Jersey to see my folks for the holiday and being that the two Jersey kids, West and Kooky were spending their first Christmas away from home I was glad they would find a comfort in one another.  By early December I had decided that I was just not in the right frame of mind to go home and deal with all the family stuff.  2011 was a really tough year for me and at the time I was not ready to answer all the redundant questions that follow.  “What happened?” “How did you blow it this tme?” “Whats your plan now?” And my favorite “You should have never let Sindia go”.

I was not nearly in the mind set for any of that.  I changed my plans, cashed in my ticket and hunkered down for a Holiday in the Barb.   What should have been a fun week vacation for West with an old friend turned into an experience of gnarl he would never forget that involved binge drinking, amazing waves, epic Rincon, good food, a healthy black out, a stabbing and an arrest.  Business as usual in Lisanti Land.  For the scoop on what happened read blogs: Christmas Dread Part I, Part II and Part III.  Most of my regular readers deemed it the most epic saga ever written here.

After all of that ridiculousness the idea that West would even entertain a trip back to the scene of the crime sounded preposterous to me.  When he actually booked his train ticket and was set to come I was flabbergasted.  It seemed round two was inevitable.  Then I was woken up a week before Thanksgiving very hungover, maybe even still drunk a little by a phone call from my friend Dave from Florida, another guy who spent about a month sleeping on my couch last season.  Turns out he just got into town a day or so before.  The stage was being set and the plot thickening for yet another adventure.

The usual turkey day plan for me the past four years was to go over my boy Ryan’s house and enjoy dinner with his lovely family and friends.  This year however his wife went back to work and was not feeling a big event.  Last year Ryan invited Dave, myself and Kooky Kyle and I do believe we all got a bit too inebriated at the table for his quaint mid-western wife.  With no place to go I needed to think fast.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am a chef, why not cook a feast for my usual Wednesday night dinner crew and all of our closest friends.  As I was mulling this idea over in my head I had a conversation with my new roommate JP and as it turns out being from Belgium he had never experienced a true American Thanksgiving.  That was all the motivation I needed.  I ordered a 22 lb turkey from one of our distributors at work and began promoting.

Rather then compete with the dinners of others I decided to do mine on Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, which was more appropriate since my dinners are always on Wednesdays anyhow.  I added my boy Pat another recent NJ transplant to the group rounding it out to a basically entire east coast crew considering my usual Californian invites all stood me up.  Two days out I began getting the menu together.

I decided to brine the turkey for twenty four hours to allow it to be both moist and flavorful. Learn how to do this yourself here.  I made two pumpkin pies from an actual pumpkin another recipe I have featured here on this site click here for that one. Then I did a meat lasagna because I am Italian and in my family there has never been an occasion where there was not some type of substantial pasta dish.  On Thanksgiving someone always made at least one lasagna when I was growing up.  I just had to keep with tradition, not to mention I make a dank ass lasagna, sorry no recipe for this one yet.  I am still at ends with whether or not to post my family’s Italian recipes that have been passed down orally for over a 100 years.  I will tell you what if you want to come visit me here at the Lisanti Palace with the sole purpose of learning I will teach it to you hands on just as it was taught to me by my grandmother, mother and so on and so forth. Of course after such you will have to come get shitty with me at the Wild Cat.

My co-worker Chantelle made a zucchini  potato casserole, cranberry chutney, and a pear upside down cake.  I also did my families Italian bread stuffing, a basic garden salad and roasted yams.  Of course there was plenty of good wine on hand as always.  Like I said it was a veritable feast.  I had expected 11 people, ended up with only nine.  They were nine of my closest friends and in my book if you are a close friend you are family.  Everyone pretty much gorged themselves with food and all were pleased.  As far as I was concerned the dinner was a success.

Even Alfie chowed down on some Turkey. What part of the turkey could that be??? Hmmm I wonder…..

After eating Mark, West, Pat, Dave and I rolled to the Wild Cat, but when we got there we found ourselves way too full to even try and consume anymore alcohol.   Minus watching Pat strike out with two decent looking chicks in town for the night and witnessing some poor schmuck get arrested for blowing coke in the bathroom, it was a pretty uneventful night at the club.

As per every Thanksgiving since I have lived out in Santa Barbara there were waves.  The boys and I woke up and cruised down to Rincon.  The crowd was its usual holiday circus.  I was in decent spirits and did not want a session there to ruin that for me.  Dave and Pat went for it while West and I cruised to Pitas and although not as good had almost 75% less crowd.  You can read the surf log for the details on my Thanksgiving weekend surfs.   I must say it was not the best I have ever seen it for the duration but it was fun.  West and I scored a bonus glassy Jalama session on Saturday the 24th that was about as good a surfing experience one could get after which we went for a fun romp through the valley that West considered a perfect end to a perfect trip.

Overall I found it to be a better then usual Thanksgiving holiday.  I had five solid days off from work.  The company of some really good friends.  I cooked and hosted my first ever Thanksgiving dinner that went down with out a hitch.  We all scored some good waves.  Despite a solid amount of drinking and partying no one got sick, blacked out, got injured, died, had regrettable sex with a mutant (thank you West) and West did not get arrested.  Thanksgiving 2012 may just have to go down as the best ever!  All that in the midst of the “Fall of My Malcontent”.

Read Full Post »

I woke this morning on my little love seat still in my suit from last night’s Gay Prom at the Wild Cat covered in crumpled up nachos and a head ache that felt like someone shoved an ice pick through my ear.  Does this sound familiar?  That is pretty much what went down every night since Thursday.  I sometimes wonder what my shitty new roommate thinks of the pathetic mess I must look like when she is leaving for work at 8 am.  Then again she is a selfish bitch who just screwed me out a good deal of money leaving me literally broke so who fucking cares anyhow.  She is lucky I don’t hit her in the head with a mallet then piss in the hole I just smashed in her skull.  In all seriousness  I think I had $35.83 in my checking account last time I checked.

At 31 years old I expected so much more out of my life by now.  Well, maybe I hoped for more.  As we all know I am a bit of a pessimist and a cynic.  This being the case things probably have worked out exactly as I expected.   I’m divorced, penniless, juvenile, absolutely alone, stuck in a dead end job and a total and utter drunk.   I feel depressed, dejected, frustrated, confused and alienated.  At least I have my health and my beauty, yet one cannot beat father time.  They say the first step is to identify the problem.

Am I depressing you?  I’m sorry, here is a picture of a cat in a top hat to bring back up your spirits.  While we are at it lets go off on a momentary tangent on why top hats became unfashionable.  I mean they are dank as hell.  Look how dapper Mr. Peanut looks in his.  That’s it I am bringing it back.  I declare that this New Years Eve I am going to wear a top hat out and from there on in 2013.  The top hat revolution has begun.

And now back to the misery that is my life…

The Summer of Alf ended some time ago now.  It was a wonderfully splendid spring day back in May when I came up with this great list of positive changes I was going to make and things I was going to pursue in the blog “Of Things to Come“, which will be referenced here and then was later defined in “The Summer of Alf” blog.  If your a steady reader then you know I make these futile proclamation blogs every so often when I feel rather ambitious.  Always forgetting how it was ambition that brought MacBeth to ruin: ” I have no spur, To prick the sides of my intent, but only Vaulting ambition, which o’erleaps itself, And falls on th’other “.  Of course in the end I find myself more of a whiny bitch like Hamlet.

About a week ago I posted a poll on the most recent Power of Ten blog to see how  you folks thought the Summer of Alf worked out.  12.5% called it a flop, 25% a success and a whopping 62.5% claimed they had no idea why they wasted their time reading anything written on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  Let me tell you why you read: for self affirmation.  When you have a bad day or feel like a failure all you have to do is open a web browser, type http://www.surfingruinedmylife.net into it and you are guaranteed to feel better.  Its like “man I know I am messing up, but I wonder how bad Chris is blowing it right now”.  At the very worst you can see that you are not alone in your suffering.  We can cry together thanks to the world wide web and way too much time on our hands. Just because I don’t blog every day doesn’t mean I have not written some ridiculous thing in the Surf Log.

Lets see how I did on that list:

Proclamation 1: Get Back into Music

You ever notice how many pictures I have of me wearing this t-shirt. I have owned it for almost 7 years now. Fuck it has guns all over it making it pure awesomeness! I am going to be really sad when it goes thread bare and I end up using it as a rag to clean my toilet with.

Ok this one is sort of a push.  I actually spent a good deal of time woodshedding and getting my fingers back into shape.  I started ripping on some licks that had me very stoked.  These days I have been favoring my alto and soprano more then my tenor.  On the flip side of things I did not make any real attempt to play out at all and even turned down on more then one occasion a chance to perform.  My friend Meat Cat says it’s because I am a male diva.  No points…

Learn to Speak Italian
This was a fail.  But then again who the fuck was I kidding.  I barely speak English all that well and if not for spell check would be a complete illiterate.  What made me ever think I could brush up on my Italian?  I did pick up a bit more Spanish though.  -1 point

Go Surfing as Much as Possible
I am going to have to call this one a half success.  I did manage to make the most out of the meager conditions on offer and lack of swell.  I surfed mostly local, broke two boards and had some really good barrels. When it was flat I took to skim boarding for some exercise. On the down side I still missed a few too many days as a result of too much drinking and party. One thing is for sure when I did get in the water I had a hell of a good time.  Half point.

Read More books
I  somehow found the time to read three books in the duration of the Summer of Alf and acquired some new cook books that I cooked up some fun recipes from.  Thanks to strange late night drunken finds, thrift stores and the Ventura swap in all its jankyness my collection has grown immensely.  Win +1

Write More
Well I am going to have go with a push here.  I may not have wrote a ton, but I felt the quality of the text was much better then it ever has been.  I came across some blog randomly today and the guy was using cell phone short hand.  I was blown away.  One should never use “u” in place of “you” or “r” in place of “are” anywhere but on a cell phone text.  No wonder the world is falling apart.  No Points

Explore the Greater Santa Barbara Area
This one not so much.  I sort of had a routine and stuck to it all summer.  There was not much of the explorer in me.  -1 point.

Finish the Coffee Table
Nope, unless one is to include spilling a host of liquids and alcoholic beverages on it an improvement.  I guess I am slowly staining the top of the table with red wine and rum and cokes.  -1 point

Drink and Party Less

Big Pimpin’ at the Wild Cat


If you read the surf log then the answer to this one is apparent and no.  One thing I must say is that I partied really fucking hard.  As a matter of fact I think the night after I wrote this list I went out and got black out drunk.   The Summer of Alf brought about the largest number of black outs I have ever had in a four month period and maybe even my entire life.  I woke up in pink seat pants  not knowing where I was, woke up all over my apartment, got locked in my own bathroom.  Did countless activities I could have more or less lived with out.  I hit it hard on solstice, carried it through to fiesta.  There were some drunken Tuesdays in the mix and plenty of sloppy family dinner Wednesdays.  Lets just say I did the opposite here and went hard. -1-hey at least I did not get injured seriously or end up in jail.  Did I mention I also got fired from the produce market as a direct result of my drinking.  That is a first for me.

Other notables
I spent some time in San Francisco at the very start of the Summer of Alf.  You can read about those adventures in “Taking the Bay Area by Storm“.  I got fired from two jobs subsequently causing me to go on unemployment twice.   Alfie still has fleas.  I got passed up for Sous Chef at work for a less capable person who has barely been there three months let alone my three years.  I managed to do absolutely nothing of any substance or value and if anything went into a retrograde.  

My final take on the Summer of Alf was that it was a total and utter failure as per usual.  So be it.  If I succeeded in life then I most likely would not be the fun character I am to read about.  Who wants to read about happy things.  No one! Cause when things were going well for me I had the lowest readership ever.  I’m done trying for the fall.   Fall 2012 is going to be deemed “The Fall of My Malcontent”.

I am not making any proclamations, declarations or aspirations.  I am just going to live and see where that takes me.   My entire life I have always had a zest for living and an agitation for planing.  At the moment maybe that is what has brought me to this dismal point, too much planing.  For the next three months I am going to live by the seat of my pants, throw my chips into the air and see where they lye.

I am going to wake up everyday, take a deep breath and live.  No regrets, no cares, no worries cause what ever happens is going to happen and in the end it will sort itself out regardless.  For the record “I was perceptive,  I always know when someone is uncomfortable at a party”.

Read Full Post »