Its moments like these that really count. Photo: Christopher Dunlea
It’s still a mystery to me how this life works or even why. I know the religious cats out there like to leave it up to their god or gods. The fatalists believe our lives are already predestined according to the rules of fate. The transcendentalists like to watch how life unfolds in front of them. As for me I spent most of my time confused and boggled by both my everyday life and the greater scheme there of. In addition I find myself in a constant state of awe and utter amazement of the world around me. Most of the time I just plain spend too damn much time attempting to figure out just what is going on instead of just going with the flow, a motto I have very much been carefully learning to adopt.
Maybe If I had been able to “go with the flow” so to speak things would not have gotten as out of hand as they did. For there has always been a fine line between going with the flow and standing up for what you believe in. Whats right is right after all. A friend of mine took note the other day that my blogging seems to revolve around my former relationships to define epochs in my life. This thought began to marinate in my mind a bit and I thought that maybe my friend was right. My life for at least the last ten years or so has been defined by one woman or another and each one subsequently led to my personal demises.
Once again this little blog saga that I have been dragging out is nothing more then a pathetic epilogue , a sad testament even, on some level to another failed romance. If I have learned anything from all of what you have already read and are still to read it’s that women in general are fucking nuts. Believe me I know crazy. I’m completely bat shit, certifiably insane. I crossed over that line and never looked back around ten years ago. Ultimately my thoughts are that I will never understand the female psyche and I suppose I don’t really care to anymore. I am just going to do my thing and let them do theirs.
Anyhow so last I left off I had been jilted by yet another she devil. I know now she was just a rebound, but at the time it killed me. I think the hardest thing that anyone has to do is get over a relationship and many of us can’t help but jump right into another one to if even for a brief moment be able to relive the same feeling of love we had with our exes. This momentary memory becomes pure bliss and we forget our troubles. What usually happens at least for me and others I have talked to is that I end up putting way too much emphasis and pressure on this new budding relationship causing it to falter before it even got off the ground. This was exactly the case this time around, though it didn’t help that she had one of the least agreeable dispositions I have ever come across in a relationship.
After the break up that was the pretty much the premise of the “When it rains it” blog I went into my usual downward spiral of drinking, drug abuse and incessant partying. At the same time I was also losing interest at my job. I was promised all these so called changes that were going to take place to make my life easier. Instead they just made my job harder and way more annoying. Over it and feeling very aggravated with my life in general I began to act out against the management a bit. I even began to stir up a bit of mutiny among my fellow employees.
The fact that it was an El Nino winter and the WNW swells kept pouring in didn’t help either. In fact I began using my sick and vacation time in pursuit of catching good days out at Naples, El Capitan and other of my favorite waves. At that point I was over missing decent waves for a job that was going absolutely no where and for a management system that completely didn’t care. When I think of all the great days of surfing I have missed for that stupid job it makes me sick, including the once in a life time Hurricane Marie swell. You can click this link for that skinny on that one.
Saying the winter was solid is almost an understatement. Photo: Christopher Dunlea
I guess it was late January when everything went down. The hard part about work place politics and one I have never been all that good about is knowing who’s ass to kiss and who to side with. My problem always is that I don’t kiss anyone’s ass and just about all the time say exactly what is on my mind good or bad. I finally had enough of all the new changes going on with out any consultation of my own. I steadily began making complaints and inquiries into everything that was taking place. I suppose my bosses and a few other employees who were looking to climb the ladder a bit at my own demise got into cohorts against me and began compiling incriminating evidence, most of which was absolute bull shit, against me. I was the only one with the integrity and gall to challenge what I felt was unfair policy and as a result like any great martyr I took the fall for it.
Ultimately it all led to my termination for a charge of which I was guilty of just that it had been known that I was an offender of such since I initially began working there six years ago, and was never warned or questioned about. As a matter of fact my own bosses used to joke with me about it. I am not going to get into here cause it is a tad embarrassing and could hurt my professional reputation. The evidence against me was severely lacking and mostly hearsay. I actually consulted a few lawyers about the possibility of a wrongful termination suit and was advised against it, being told although I had a decent case it was not worth the time, money and effort. In the end I took what little severance I was offered and moved on with my life.
By February and my birthday I found myself totally and completely at a loss. I had no job, very little money, no prospects and no girl friend. Some would say my situation seemed rather bleak and if I was a normal person I would have felt the same. As I dug deep into my inner self and came to grasp with my situation I actually realized that my current state of things though sounding a bit desperate was the best possible scenario one could ask for and one I have found myself in before. Life had basically in one fell swoop handed me a do-over.
Basically I was involuntarily handed a clean slate to draw up whatever plans or lack thereof I saw fit. Slowly I began to climb back up to my former self. As of press time after a tough spell I feel greater then ever. The world is my oyster and I’m hunting for pearls. The winter was amazing. I got to do and experience lots of wonderful things that my career had taken from me the past six years. I finally remembered what it was like to live. In the end as angry as I was at Sodexo and everyone involved in my unemployment I feel the need to express a great sense of gratitude for setting me free. I don’t know what’s next for me at the moment, but I am exploring some different avenues all a bit outside of the box. Time will tell my friends, it always does.
Hoping for a grand future. Photo: Christopher Dunlea
I’m a romantic, a Shakespearean, an avid reader of Jane Austin. For these reasons alone I could no longer exist in a relationship of convenience. Finally after spending the bulk of September agonizing over what to do I took a deep breath and cut the cord. I emotionally freed myself from the cage I put myself in two and a half years ago. Man, it was scary. As most of you know I am not a person who does well alone. One thing I have always held true to is that I would much rather be alone for the right reasons then with some one for the wrong reasons. Loneliness, vulnerability and depravity by themselves are not good enough reasons to pursue a life with another if there is no magic. Thus I walked away standing tall and proud of the decision I made.
Surfing Ruined My Life 