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Posts Tagged ‘So Sorry.’

“The moral life of man forms part of the subject matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium.”

“No artist has ethical sympathies.  An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.”

“Vice and Virtue are to the artist materials for an art.”

“All art is at once surface and symbol.  Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.  Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.  It is the spectator, and not life that art really mirrors.  Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex and vital.  When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.”

“We can forgive a man for making a useful thing.  The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.”

-Oscar Wilde, 1891-

It is not easy to be different.  Some choose to be, others had no choice, it was made for them at their inception into this universe.  The moment one realizes he is different a certain division becomes made between him and his fellow man.  A certain alienation is almost guaranteed. These differences shape one’s life.  At the beginning when everyone knows no prejudice against the abnormal and there is no problem.  As the years pass and eyes are opened the exceptional find themselves at times complete outcasts among their peers.

When I reached this climax I did not know any other way to react then to out lash with fits of uncontrollable anger.  I was consumed for over twenty six years of my life with the terrible emotion.  Then I began to slowly reel things in and get a grip of my own emotion.  Finally I created my own fantasy world, Lisanti Land.  That was when I knew I had finally gone off the deep end.  It was in this pseudo world I designed for myself to live in peace that I finally discovered how wonderful the world around me actual is.

It was as if I awoke from a comma and everyday I have found myself in constant amazement of the world around me.  I thought of this as I watched the sun slowly set over the ocean tonight to the peaceful sounds of waves breaking in front of me and water trickling down the cliffs behind me.  It is for moments like that I truly live. Not for all the other bullshit, money, clothes, nice apartment, car etc.  Life is about the beauty of the world around us.  Life is bigger then human society.

For me living has become a fine art.  My canvas the physical and metaphysical world.  My medium time.  For me time does not exist.  I feel it passing, but have no care for its concept.  I don’t care how long something is suppose to take according to requisite.  I care how long it will take me to do it right and get the most I can out of it.  Being skilled in the art of living I have tailored my own life, every detail of it important.  For me these days detail means everything.  Forget the big picture its all about the finite cause that is the only place where beauty and perfection can be found.

Unfortunately every now and again I have to get my passport stamped and leave Lisanti Land for the real world.  When that happens more times then not it is a catastrophe.   A few weeks ago I went up to Portland Oregon to attend my cousin’s wedding.  I was very excited for the whole thing to be honest.  I had not seen my cousin in nearly five years, maybe more to tell you the truth.  I thought man it will be fun to chill with my boy and his girl.  Get to know both of them.  Upon arriving that was not the case at all.

I always over romanticize what the real world is all about ultimately letting myself down.  As a result I believe I attended the wedding with a bad taste in my mouth.  Instead of doing the classy thing and letting it all end there in the pacific northwest I instead decided to write a somewhat nasty blog on the whole ordeal.  Thinking like Chaucer I would “immortalize the scoundrels for all of eternity in literature”.  This I did in the third part of my Portland series.

I would later find out by doing this I caused a riff in my own family and worse then that almost ruined the wedding of my dear beloved sister.  Apparently because my words were so hurtful an entire side of the family decided they were going to make my sister, who has never had a sinister thought about anyone in her entire life, pay for my mouth, my cynicism. Instead of going to the source, me, they felt it was better to hurt the closest people to me.  Payback is a bitch I guess.

So to my cousin Rich I do full heartily apologize if I was the cause of an emotional distress for both my actions at your wedding and my review there after.  It was done foolishly and hastily, but mostly classless, which I am the most ashamed of.  I made some jests on style preferences.   Who am I to comment on style?  I am not an expert in fashion, although rather fashionable myself.  I am not a designer.  Only an expert in the field should be aloud to comment on such.  I was no more then a mere naivete observer.

I made a comment on beauty, which once again is in the eye of the beholder and was with out a doubt a cheap shot of my own for gain of nothing.  What a psycho I must be.  Where I will not make any excuse for though is in the cuisine.  This just happens to be a topic I am an expert in and a professional thus giving me the right to comment on my own fellow colleges.  This does not and should not effect the host for you sir did not prepare the food and unless a background in culinary was possessed would go unnoticed to only the most stout.

All I can say is that you were insulted by the guy who got hammered and made a complete ass of himself at the night in question.  While you sit there with your new bride in all of your happiness I sit here alone with my bottle and angry cat in front of my computer.  If anything call it a jealous attack cause not everyone can be as lucky as some.  I really do wish you two the best.  I am sorry if I caused you any pain.  Let me carry all the pain for the three of us.  It suites me best I think.

Urban Adventuring Around Portland: Portland Part III has been rewritten.  I believe this is only the second retraction I have ever printed here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net, my blog.  I rarely make apologies for my actions.  It is against everything I stand for.  One thing I must thank everyone for is that I now have no need to ever come back to New Jersey again until my sister and her husband have a baby.  I am personally excommunicating myself from any family functions from here on in order to make sure no more embarrassments of this kind shall ever take place again.

Sorry for being me…

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