I’m angry, well saddened mostly, borderline depressed? I guess that is how it has always been for me, for as long as I can remember. I don’t think I am a monster, yet I find myself constantly in the midst of being despicable. Can one be predestined for unhappiness? For a long time I thought I was evil. I know now that it is not the case. I am just pissed off at the world, a world I was never meant to be a part of.
I am a part of this terrene and there for make the best of it most of the time. I have yet to find anything better. Most days I find the motivation to get out of bed seriously lacking. Still I trudge on. I tell myself “keep on, things are going to get better”. I mean I have to cause it is what I tell everyone else in my life. I hate lying to my parents that everything is fine, so instead I stopped calling them altogether. No one likes a pity party and it does them no good to worry.
My dad called me today to find out if I was still alive. This happens about once ever two weeks or so when I break contact. He gave me a pep talk that at least got me to go to class where I bombed the written part of my midterm. I think I got a C and that is all I am shooting for this semester cause I don’t give a fuck. So much for the 4.0 I swung last semester. I think most of my class mates take me for arrogant cause I keep to myself and take in as much as I possibly can.
Most people take me for that come to think of it. Its not that I am arrogant, but more that I have confidence in myself and my own ability. I am not a bullshitter and I know what I am capable of and not. I can be honest with myself. I find that the majority of the population is asleep, just going through the motions of life not really understanding why they do the things they do, almost machine like. I analyze every thing I do and everything that happens around me probably to my detriment.
With all this thought I still have absolutely no answers. Then again “a wise man knows that he knows nothing at all”. When we stop asking questions then are we really living? I think I am at a serious cross road in my life, a what is next for Chris Lisanti. For the moment I do not have any answers. No questions, no answers, that is a verity I must accept. The mere idea of the assertion of this has been constantly plaguing me. I know that if I can consent to such a mantra I may be able to get over this hump I find myself stuck in front of. Or am I destined to be Sisyphus? Maybe I have finally reaped what I sowed?
…A brief look into the insanity that is the mind of Chris Lisanti…
He feels my pain.
Surfing Ruined My Life 
Yo. Stop looking for answers. Fuck it. You get good at shit, thus realizing how good other people are… some people somehow get successful from being good at shit… some don’t. Some people become successful and still suck. Most people don’t do shit. At least you do shit. Some people did shit 100 years ago, and just now get noticed. While they are dead. Fuck it. Some people steal shit that someone did yesterday, and will become successful because of it. Some people clean shit for a living and love every minute of it. Just don’t step in any shit… it sucks picking it out of a shoe with a stick.
peace.
Amazing words from an amazing man, magnanimous even. That is why Kiefer is the mother fucking man! Miss you buddy.
i dont know what magnanimous means, and i have too much of a headache to google it.
I would recommend eating some cheese.
If you’re looking for transcendent purpose or meaning in your life, the only answer is God. If you are incapable of believing in God because you don’t find the evidence compelling, well then yes, you are right. We are all a bunch of drones acting upon our biological chemical reactions. In which case, yours is to be depressed and lonely forever.