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Archive for the ‘Anger’ Category

Apostrophes can suck my B==D~????

Posted in Anger, tagged , , , , , , , , on December 20, 2010| Leave a Comment »

Fuck grammer!   Im mother fucking over it.  Grammar, just in case you thought I did not know how to spell it right, the misspell was put in to prove my point.   Truthfully its not Grammar as a whole that makes me angry, no.  Its those little lines used to show possession or conjunctions, apostrophes.  Why should I have to put one after the “n” in cant, can’t.  I mean every fucking English speaking person knows what I mean.  Doesnt, oh wait Im sorry “Doesn’t” and while Im at it “I’m” too.  Its (It’s) madness all the extra key strokes it takes to properly use those half penis symbols.   Keeping this blog afloat takes up enough of my time as it is.  If I have to add all those extra key strokes as a result of apostrophes its not going to work.  Its your choice HowsurfingruinedMyLife.net or apostrophes.

But guess what; its not your choice at all because this is Lisanti Land and I dont give a fuck about you.  That being the case there will be no apostrophes here and I may just give up on commas too since I have just about had it with them.  If my lack of use of apostrophes makes your time here not pleasurable then you can just find some other form of entertainment.   May I suggest masturbation. It always entertains me when Im bored and even when Im not.  Sometimes I even go in the bathroom and masturbate after sex, but Im also not fit to live amongst mankind.

 

Its people like this that are the problem. Damn Grammar psychos

Apostrophes are evil the less we use them less havoc they can create.

I think I may be the cause of the deaths of a lot of kittens.

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F.M.L. Should be My Personal Tag Line.

Posted in Anger, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on December 7, 2010| 4 Comments »

Mother fucker, two steps forward and ten steps back .  I dont ask for much out of life (thats a lie, but I get the most out of what I am given and that is statement you can take to the bank).  For the last five days or so I have been nursing a mysterious wrist injury (although Im sure I can trace it back to work)  which has been a literal pain but just a slight hindrance on my everyday life.  Work is tough; try chopping up food and lifting heavy shit all day with a hurt right wrist.   Surfing was a little annoying having to favor my left arm for both standing and duck dives, but I got through it.

This afternoon I went to Rincon not expecting much more then a grovel session of which I received.  Lindsay was out and I had not surfed with her in like two weeks so I figured what the hey, I will get a little paddle in.  Around my 7th or 8th wave I pulled a backside reverse and somehow tweaked my back again probably from the wind up going into the maneuver.  Immediately upon riding the move out I knew I was fucked feeling very similar to how my back felt just two weeks ago when I hurt it at work.

Now with the first solid west swell of season due to hit Thursday, my day off, which I was planning on spending surfing all day it looks like I will be sidelined yet again.  If this is old age I dont want it.  Heck Im only 29.  Im not that fricken old yet.  When I was in New Zealand I traveled with this dude Jeff from Sand Diego who was 29 and he was always complaining about all sorts of little ailments.  One day his knee hurt or if not his knee then a shoulder or he would tweak his back and have to sit out a day or two.  I was always like “Dude your only 29 your not old enough for all these little problems”.  At the time I was 24 about to turn 25 and he would always respond “Just wait I had no problems either till I was this age”.

Turns out the fuck was right.  I wonder what happened to that guy.  We got into a stupid fight over me not letting him use the kitchen of the resort I worked at because I was cleaning it and he had to wait like everyone else till it opened back up a noon.  I mean the place was only closed from 10:30 to Noon giving me barely an hour and a half to clean it and the four bathrooms attached.  Dont think it was easy to clean a kitchen area used by thirty to forty people a day.  Anyway he thought I was being a dick and a bad friend not letting him in to cook a meal, but I was just trying to do my fucking  job.

After that he checked out of his room got in his car and drove off.  I never saw or heard from the dude since.  Its gnarly how people can be.  We were pretty tight and to go bail like that was just plain retarded if you ask me.  Whatever this blog is not about Jeff or New Zealand or friendship type relations so I wont waste any more time talking about it.  What was I whining about again.  Oh yeah my fucked up back and wrist both of which hurt right now at this second as I am hunched over my computer and using my hands to type this.  Two actions that are sure to not help me feel any better.Why am I continuing on?  Cause Im a stupid schmuck

Fuck you, fuck me, fuck my back, fuck my life, fuck this blog.  Seriously how tired are all of you of my insipid bitching.  “My back hurts, I dinged my surf board, California is too crowded, I have no money, I hate people etc, etc, etc, etc times infinity”.  God Im a whiny little bitch.  I cant believe anybody reads this garbage or that Im writing it or that you are still reading it.  Fuck off, Im going to walk into a bank tomorrow at lunch hour with an automatic weapon (taking full advantage of every American’s god given right to bare arms), shoot everyone inside, wait for the cops to come and then step out side and go out in blaze of glory as they shoot me up full of lead live on the News.  Good night.

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We Are All Fucked

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2010| 5 Comments »

Im pretty sure we have had this topic before but its definitely one that I have no problem revisiting.  But before we get into that yesterday I wrote a borderline non sequitur rant blog like we have not seen here in a long time, not since the early myspace.com days.  Back then I believe we had a rant blog at least once a week if not more.  I don’t really know what spurred it on except that I was looking at that Movember site and it got me very angry for no good reason.

I was faced with two choices either take my aggression out by beating my cat or writing a barely coherent rant blog.  For Alfie’s sake I chose the latter.  This week Nick the Kook ascends the ranks with the topic “What do I think about the current state of the US economy”.  Im not an economist by any means and you don’t have to worry about me being influenced by any third party media source considering I have not watched the news, read a newspaper or Magazine in more then four months.

What I spout is just from my own personal observations on things thus it will all be completely opinion based and therefore absolutely basis and far from a credible resource of any kind.  This is where I talk out my ass for the next few hundred words or so mostly about pure stupidity.  If you don’t want your IQ to drop a few points I would quit reading this now while you can still stare off into space with out drool coming out of your mouth.

First off I would like to say that I do believe that our economy is getting better (now that I have stated this the stock market is bound to rise fifty points on Monday, after all if Chris Lisanti from Surfingruinedmylife.net says things are getting better everyone will run out and invest.).  In all seriousness I think the worst is behind us for the time being.  I have noticed out here in SB alone a bunch more job openings, new stores and restaurants and an abundance of Japanese tourists.  If the Japo’s are shopping you know its going to be a good day in the books.

Second there is the state of our nearly bankrupt government.  Here in California we have had no money and been in a “crisis” situation for more then three years now.  I don’t really know what that means because the streets still get paved (with the exception of the 101 in between Ventura and Santa Barbara, that still looks like a fucking mine field), and all the other government bureaus seem to be getting along.  Certainly all those lazy good for nothing sacks of shit sitting at home watching reruns of “Full House” and Judge Judy all are still collecting their welfare checks.

Its funny cause when I don’t have any money in my bank account I cant continue to operate under my normal spending capacity.  As a matter of fact I just go with out any luxury and eat cold cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Governments must have some magic fairy dust they sprinkle and it creates a few billion bucks to fuck around with.  Like I said I don’t really have any factual information to back any of this up with and since Im not writing a research paper I  don’t care to look anything up.

Lastly what I would love to touch on, a reoccurring theme here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net is the perversely gross unequal distribution of wealth in the United States economy.  Currently the gap between the rich and the poor is at one of the highest differences in our history.  Every year inflation rages yet wages stay the same or climb at a fraction of the percent of what things costs.  I sit and watch as the price of gasoline goes up nearly every year by 60% yet Im lucky if I get a quarter raise every year.

The working class is not getting paid what they are worth or even what they need to survive, meanwhile the rich are sitting in their hot tubs eating caviar from their five million dollar house on the hill while deciding which two hundred thousand dollar car they will take to go out and spend eighty five dollars a plate for dinner.  Yet the people who’s blood, sweat and soul went into cooking that meal, building that house and assembling those cars can barely afford to drive to work to do such things.

Almost everyone I work with has to work two or three jobs just to survive.  How in a time when some have so much everyone else has to kill themselves just to survive?  Its because these rich bastards know that they can pinch us for little and that we are dumb enough to work for while they stack paper higher and faster then ever.  If minimum wage got raised to a fair level say $14 an hour, an actual decent amount for a person to live on I think things would run a lot smoother.

Now I know what your thinking, Chris is crazy our economy would fall apart if minimum wage was so high.  It would cost more for everything, but if everyone had more money, everyone on a whole could spend more.  Workers who are not exhausted from working so many extra jobs would be more productive.  Also lets tax the shit out of these wealthy tyrants.  If they can afford to buy a five million dollar home then they can afford to put more into the government.

While we are at it lets get more regular everyday people into the government.  Im tired of seeing everyone important in our government getting there because of which money monger scoundrel they cut a deal with to get there.  No wonder the best interest of the people is not taking into account.  We don’t count.  Face it if your income is less then half a million a year no one cares about you.

My brothers and sisters its time for a change and unfortunately I don’t believe this change is going to take place at an election both.  Its going to take place in the form of an uprising and one that is maybe not all that far off.  When it happens who’s side are you going to be on?  Your rich boss who does not give a shit whether its you working or someone he can get for a dollar less then you or your fellow worker struggling to keep his head above water just like you.  I will tell you one thing folks Im not a violent person but when the time comes I will rise to the occasion and help to set things right.  A new American Revolution is coming.

Why work when you can be entertained by Danny Tanner, Michelle and the gang?

Michelle knows things are fucked up "You got it dude"!

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Im Off the Boat

Posted in Anger on November 18, 2010| 7 Comments »

Thats right kids I just got off the boat of pop culture.  Im over everything that everyone else is into.  No more mustaches, Lady Gaga, Bad club music, Polo shirts, fancy watch bands, Glasses, Tight pants, any head gear besides the standard base ball cap especially fedoras.   You should too.  But then again if you get off the boat then I would have to get back on.  This is a load of gibberish and I have no idea why I published it.  I dont give a fuck.  You know what?

Im off the mother fucking boat and I hope your stupid boat sinks in shark infested waters!!!!!!!!!!

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I hate Idiots

Posted in Anger, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2010| 4 Comments »

I hate Idiots, but I especially hate idiots that surf and surf badly at that.  All day at work today while I was in the midst of making 75 pizzas by 11am and then from 11-1:30 while I was serving them and from 2-3:30 while prepping for tomorrow’s rotisserie the only thing on my mind was getting out of there to take advantage of the NW wind swell/groundswell combo.  Finally when quiting time came I was out of the kitchen faster then a fat kid runs to eat a piece of cake.

I went straight to Rincon where I was let down for the second straight day in a row (read Surf Log for more on that session).  From there I cruised to Pitas for a hopeful repeat of yesterday.  It was a little bit bigger probably around chest to head with even the occasional bigger set.  There was a little cross chop on the face but from the looks of it the top of the point had some solid killable walls pushing through with only six guys on it and it appeared they were missing more waves then they were surfing.  I was on it.

I got out in the lineup and was having a pretty decent time hitting beyond vertical backside reo’s.  After an hour of this about four other guys came out, two of whom fit into that bro, I think I surf well but I look like shit category.  My least favorite of all the surfing genders.  Of course these idiots come out and immediately start paddling every one too deep.  I was having more fun riding the inside double ups anyhow to be bothered with the set waves which were mushier and I could not be bothered with jockeying with average surfers who think they are in a world tour event or something.

While Im sitting on the inside relishing this section of the wave a good size set most likely overhead came in.  Mr. Bro decided he was going to take off on the biggest close out of the set.  I paddled deep to get out of his way but sometimes at Pitas the bowl shifts back deep, backs off and then doubles out and closes out like something you would expect to see from shore dump.  This was the case with this particular wave.  All of a sudden bro was dropping in right on my head.

Now he had plenty of time to see that A) this wave was going to dump and not be worth his while, B) even if it was not a close out the drop itself was well out of his personal skill set and C) there was a surfer directly in his path (me) and pull out of the wave.  Of course “stupid is as stupid does” brostapha air drops right onto my head.  Luckily as I was about to duck dive I realized I was more likely then not about to get decapitated by inferior surfing ability and ditched swimming as deep as I could to save my own skin.

I knew I would come out unscathed but my board on the other hand took the full brunt of the hit.  When I surfaced I found my relatively new board sliced clean through in two places and a third hole half way through as well.  The two worst slashes measured longer then four inches a piece long.  My board was trashed.  Bro looked at me was like “Dude are you ok”.  I responded “Im fine but my board is trash”.  He retorted “duh, sorry but I got stuck and could not turn and had to take the air drop”.  I looked him square in the eye and said “Its kind of hard to do anything when you paddle for an obvious close out, FUCKING DONKEY”.  Upon which I splashed some water in his face and took my next wave in ending my session an hour early and ruined what was turning out to be a great board.

I hate bad surfers, but more then that I hate stupid surfers.  Sure I have had a few collisions in my day but those were more or less due to poor paddling decisions on a paddlers side or miscommunication in a game of chicken.  In most cases with the exception of one everyone came out alright anyhow.  This is like the fourth time since I have been out here in California that I have had a board destroyed by some jack ass.  There was a time when the line ups used to be full of only competent surfers and were run and dominated by the elite.

Back then shit like this rarely happened.  These days what can one expect in the era of the kook.  The sport of kings has been degraded down to the sport of clowns.  FUCKING DONKEYS, BROS, YUPPIES, RECREATIONALS, WHATEVERS, SHOULDNT YOU GOT BACK TO PLAYING GOLF OR TENNIS OR TOUCH FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER YOU MEATBALLS DO THAT IS COOL ACCORDING TO GQ MAGAZINE AND LEAVE SURFING ALONE.  YOU DONT SEE ME DONNING A POLO SHIRT AND TRY TO GET INTO A COUNTRY CLUB DO YOU? GO FUCKING HOME.

 

The first picture is before the incident the other two show the extent of the damage.

 

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Another Altercation in the Line Up

Posted in Anger, Surfing on October 13, 2010| 6 Comments »

Im a pretty mellow dude in the water these days, sure I can be somewhat scrappy and if its fun a super frother, but overall compared to how I was five years ago Im a kitten.  I try and keep to myself and get whatever waves come to me.  This being the case when an incident such as the proceeding story happens I find myself quite dumfounded over the whole scene.  Every time I reflect on said situation I lose a little more respect for surfers in general, the state of modern surf society on a whole and adds to my utter disgust of California.

At one time surfing was a brotherhood and in many places it still is.  A hierarchy used exist among her devoted few.  There was an unwritten set of rules, a heavily enforced code of ethics.  There was a certain camaraderie in knowing that you shared something as remarkable as riding moving masses of water with another.  Not these days.  These days its all about water proof ipods, video clips, stickers on one’s board, wave gluttony, burning, snaking, image and the almighty dollar.  That is just about enough of my foolish divination and onto my tale of another surfing misadventure.

Yesterday afternoon (10/12) I was lucky enough to get out of work an hour earlier then usual and with near still wind and solid combo swell in the water it was a very celebrated affair.  I began cruising south with the intention to surf anywhere besides Rincon considering the frustrating morning session I endured there (see Surflog for details on that session).  Passing by Rincon it was inconsistent and far more crowded then I wanted to deal with and that is an observation made from doing the look back of death on the 101 at 65 miles an hour.

I headed to Pitas to see if there was a wave beginning to materialize there with the steadily dropping tide.  As I was ruling out the hit or miss point I got a call from my buddy Ryan down in Ventura claiming Hollywood by the Sea to be chest to head, glassy and fun A-frame peaks up and down the beach.  Hollywood is one of those places that can give you an epic session or a royal class A skunking.  Luckily for me Ryan is the best source I have for surfing south of Rincon and every time he calls Hollywood I score.

As I was leaving Pitas I ran into Lindsay who was on her way to Rincon after a somewhat fun session at Emma Wood.  When I told her my plans it did not take more then a second to park her car and jump in with me.  I don’t know if I had heavy foot syndrome from too much stoke but I made remarkable time.  Sure enough upon pulling up it was as good as Ryan had described if not better.

There were just killable peaks as far as you could see north and south from the beach with maybe 10-15 guys spread out.  If there were three to four guys to a peak it was a lot and plenty of empty ones as well.  Some of the insiders even barreled a little bit.  The first hour was magical just a bunch of surfers hooting and hollering and having the best time ever, a sight rarely shared by everyone in a California line up.

Lindsay and I were kind of sitting this peak to the south on the inside all to ourselves when I hear this guy paddling out start screaming “Go back to Ventura, get the fuck out of here, this is not New Jetty, its Oxnard”.  I did not think this person was talking to me in particular because first off the line up was empty and I was surfing by myself and number two Im from Santa Barbara.  As this was going down a serious set began to roll in and it was one of the best lefts I had seen all day.

I immediately scratched to the outside and put myself in perfect position for the wave.  As Im paddling into it the mother fucker I described above swung around right next to me for an uncalled for spiteful burn.  Observing the situation I dropped way in front of the wave into a long bottom turn to avoid getting run over.  Dude ended up eating shit anyhow and I got three turns and an attempted corrupt flip off the close out, leaving me easily 75 to 100 yards down the beach.

I paddle back out and I see this angry dude come paddling at me full bore. I have been in these situations plenty of times before and assumed things were going to get ugly, but I had at least five people two of which are bigger guys who I knew would get my back if it went to blows on the beach although I was hoping it would not come to that.  This irate person paddles right up to me and stabs me in the chest with the nose of his board.

Then yells at me to take my “stupid long hair, J7 surfboard, tell Jason Fiest he can suck his dick and go home”.  After which he took a swing at my face with the nose of his board, which I blocked with my own board taking a small pressure dent in the process.  Then he says “this is not New Jetty brah, keep your shit in Ventura where it belongs and took a swing at my head with his fist.

I dodged that one too and luckily a wave came right after and I jumped on it and surfed it left as far down the beach as I could to get away.  Unfortunately this guy was driven and paddled at me again.  This time my friend Ryan, who is a big dude got in the middle and broke the thing up and then the rest of the line up took my side of the controversy and after a few more words he wisely left.

Turns out the 411 on him was that he lost his job and with that his health plan enabling him not to get his psyche medication for his bi-polar disorder and he was getting evicted from his apartment, which happened to be right across the street from where I was surfing.  This guy saw me paddle out and came out with the intention to fuck me up.  Maybe he thought I was the boogieman or something?  All I know is that his eyes were all gnarly looking when he was getting into it with me.

On another note he has been holding this grudge against me for paddling around him at New Jetty a year ago in a session I cant even recall.  Im not really a paddler.  If I paddle around someone it is because they are not sitting deep enough, are missing good waves or are just a line up buoy.   You east coasters might not understand what that is (unless they have infiltrated your lineups as well), but a buoy is some one who paddles out, does not catch any waves, mostly getting in the way but sometimes serving as good line up markers.  In California they are in no short supply.

Whatever the case this dude was willing to kill me over however miniscule this incident was that took place more then a year ago that I can’t even recall.   Upon his departure things went back to normal and everyone resumed having a decent session but for me there was a lingering bad taste on the whole thing.  Towards dark we all got out of the water together.

When we got to the parking lot guess who was waiting there all changed, accompanied by his dog?  That’s right psycho boy.  He starts yelling never come back here again at me and his dog was barking.  Then Ryan was able to distract him with some neutral conversation, remember the guy was bipolar.  At that cue Lindsay and I booked it to my car jumped in with our suits still on and got the fuck out of there.

The surf was fun but you can bet your ass it was not worth getting shanked over.  Just when I was complaining about how my life was getting boring its more of the same courtesy of another California head case.  I know there is better place to live then this and when I find it I will be the first to let you know.

***If you like blogs like this I update my surf  log section miniature blogs of every surf session I partake in.

 

Here is a picture of some silly scallions to represent then many faces of Bipolar disorder.

 

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Im F$%King Angry!!!!

Posted in Anger, Life, tagged on September 12, 2010| 14 Comments »

I don’t really know where to begin, truth be told I should really begin with the miserable day on which I was born at 12:03 am in the middle of one of the worst ice storms in New York history.  Not to mention the fact that I was born a few weeks prematurely, came out yellow and spent around 2 weeks in an incubator with doctors giving me 50/50 odds of survival.

My birth pretty much set the tone for the course of my entire life.  No matter what was going to be on offer to me it was going to come at a struggle and then be more of a kick in the ass rather then a desired and many of time expected reward.  Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while know the many moments of purely stupid adversity that seem to plague every up cycle in my life.

My birth is a perfect example.  Here is life kid welcome to the world, now you have to fight for your vestige.  We can go back to the age old shell incident of which I have reminisced on here since the very beginning.  I was 5 and at the beach with both my Mother and Grandmother.  We had the best day ever.  The weather was nice, I played in the shore break and built sandcastles.  The kicker of the whole day was that I collected these two pails full of wonderful shells (they were probably just clam shells, but at the time they could have been the most rare shell in existence to me).

I was so proud of those shells.  The day came to an end, as the three of us made our way back to the car these two guys maybe in their late teens, early twenties came charging our way.  They ran right into me close lining me face down onto the pavement.  I fell, scrapped both my knees and my two pails of shells were spilled out all over the sidewalk broken into a million pieces.  It was right then and there at the tender age of five I learned the world was going to be full of heart ache and despair and no matter how hard I tried I was going to get fucked in the denouement.

Despite this cruel hard lesson I constantly forget how fucked the world can be to its people.  Enough living in the past and back to my being Angry!!!! But Im worse then angry, no, I feel…….Beaten.  Ralph Ellison wrote a masterpiece of a novel called The Invisible Man.  Basically its about this black guy who every time he is given an opportunity to shine it always turns out to be for a false pretense and instead of it being his moment of glory becomes utter humiliation and ruin.  I wont go into any more detail of the novel, but will say that it is definitely worth a read.

I read it in high school and to this day I think it is one of the more powerful works I have ever read.  What am I blabbering about?  Don’t worry I got a few good old fashioned Lisanti rants for you except at the moment instead of feeding me with anger power persevere they are practically bringing me to my knees.

It all started with scoring this new cook job at the Westmont College (if your lost you can check it out here: https://surfingruinedmylife.net/2010/09/02/the-apprenticeship/).  Basic gist of it is I was offered a position that was suppose to allow me to better my situation in life and was amped on it.  Sure it cut into my surf time and is a ton of really hard work.  I have never been averse to working hard and as a matter of fact get some satisfaction out of it.

Pretty much as soon as I quit the gas station and started this new job of course my car decides to take a shit on me leaving me in a bit of a desperate situation.  I figured it would be all right.  I would just bring it back to the station I worked at for the last two years, where I never missed a day of work and keep the place in tip top shape.  When I called my old boss to see if they could help me out, now mind you I was not looking to get a bro deal or any thing just get my car fixed by someone I knew to be honest, he told me to basically go fuck myself and he would not work on my car because I quit.

That in my opinion was the biggest bullshit ever.  Here I am trying to make my way in the world like everyone else and had an opportunity to make more money and set myself up a little better in life.  Its not like I left them with out an option.  I asked for a $1 raise an hour.  If they would have met that or even made some type of counter offer I would have probably stayed, but I was turned down flat out.  It cant get much more insulting then that.  I was there for two years and never got a raise or anything.

Whatever my old boss wants to be a fucking cunt about the whole thing that’s his problem. The funny thing was I thought we were friends him and I, but I guess not.  As usual his good nature toward me turned out to be like many others who have passed through my life, as soon as being my friend was no longer advantageous then I had no more use and thus passed out of his realm of posterity.  Its all good because I know 20 years from know that toothless moron will still be working at that gas station living in a trailer, smoking pot and drinking a 12 pack every single night after work, while some one else gets rich off his efforts, meanwhile I will look down upon him with pity.

Long story short (yeah like that is not a crock of shit) I ended up bringing my car to some place I picked out of the phone book because in the words of Nick the Kook upon picking a dentist after losing his teeth in a freak piggy back ride accident, “they looked like they knew their shit from their ad”.  My car got fixed but I am definitely sure they charged me for some unnecessary work, but my lack of automobile mechanic knowledge was too limited to know the difference.  700 bucks later I have a car that runs and no more money.

My car is finally running fine and with my new job I should have no problem recouping the cash right?  Wrong! Work has been rather tough and stressful.  I have kitchen experience but I have never worked in a kitchen as vast and dynamic as the one I am in now.  Although I am starting to feel my “sea legs” so to speak I feel that my boss is not pleased with me.  Its not just a feeling, he pretty much lets me know that everything I do is sub par all the time and that if I don’t shape up Im on my ass.  At the same time no one shows me how to do anything and Im just told do this and left to figure it out on my own.

Then if it turns out wrong Im yelled at for not asking, if I ask Im yelled at for not knowing.  It’s a catch 22.  Nothing I do is fast enough.  Im getting there, shit I even come home and practice cutting vegetables.  I will be good at this but I don’t know if I will be allowed the sufficient time.  Meanwhile Im a basket case every single day worried about what I will do if I lose this job since I quit my other job, which was one of the easiest jobs I had ever worked.  I don’t really want to look for new work, nor am I in the financial situation too.

To make matters worse rumor around the kitchen has it that my boss wants me to take over the pizza station.  First off I don’t want to work in pizza I did that for 5 years and know it inside out.  I took this job to gain cook experience.  Second the hours are horrid garnishing me to work 8am-4: 30pm Monday-Friday.  Im barely surfing as it is working 11am-8pm but with this new schedule I might as well just sell all my surfboards and spend my evenings drinking beer, getting fat and watching the boob tube.

I mean weekends off suck all that means is crowds everywhere I chose to go and at 4:30 its all blown out, crowded and in the winter time dark.   Fuck my life.  Nothing is official yet but I heard it from a few people now this weekend and Im sure tomorrow my boss is going to throw me under the gauntlet with the bad news.  Looks like Im going to have to find me a new job….AGAIN!!!!!

I should have never left my old job.  I should have known it was too good to be true that someone would give me a shot a something great.  It was all a lie.  Lets make Chris jump through a few more hopes and then when he thinks he is headed for a big finish we will take out his knees thus allowing him to fall flat on his face.  TWO STEPS FORWARD AND 15 STEPS BACK MY FRIENDS. Maybe I should have been born with no legs or arms like that dude from that video I posed in my “Keep Keeping On” Blog?  Things seem to have worked out well for him.  Oh, wait; I forgot, HE HAS NO FUCKING LEGS AND NO FUCKING ARMS.

I Think the picture says it all folks.

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Flying Off The Handle (UCB)

Posted in Anger, Life, User Choice BLog on August 19, 2010| 3 Comments »

Before I start this week’s UCB let me first address that fact that I missed last weeks UCB, but given that no one bothered to suggest any topics except for Kooky Kyle who sent me an illegible text message at like 11pm Pacific Standard time, god knows how late it was on the east coast I cant remember if the time difference is three, four or five hours nor do I care all that much either.  I decided that the UCB would not be all that missed by anyone besides myself, maybe I should post more porno links in my blogs I seemed to get a lot hits on that particular blog.  Two run-ons equal a fragment!  Aint my grammar grand?  Fuck the English Language I much rather prefer the scheme I am affectionately calling Lisantbonics.

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Anyhow to make up for my blatant disregard for any semblances of a structure to this blog I will offer a make up Triple points blog to be written on Saturday, so get those UCB requests in and remember you can also facebook me your UCB suggestions.  For more explanation of the UCB click here.

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Mauriello takes this week’s UCB with a topic he proposed a few weeks ago.  On his last week here in Santa Barbara John witness a classic moment of a crazy Lisanti fit of anger.  It is true I have been able to cut down on the feats of psychotic episodes, but with the lack of surf this summer and increasingly pressing other stressors on my head I must admit my fuse is a bit short these days.  John asked I write on that incident wondering why I did not mention it in any blogs after the whole thing went down.  My initial response was that incidents as such happen on a regular basis for me and most of the time I just don’t even take note of them.

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The Caesar Chavez incident….

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It all went down on a small little intersection in the industrial district of Santa Barbara at corner of Caesar Chavez St and Gutierrez St.  We were sitting in my car at a stop sign at this faithful intersection when this stupid ass Mexican truck driver attempts to make a left hand turn but failed to compensate for the length of his trailer.  His utter stupidity now had him blocking the intersection and subsequently blocking me in as well considering his truck now blocked all four directions of traffic.

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What he needed to do was back up about five feet or so, over turn the intersection thus swinging his trailer behind him instead of perpendicular where it sat at the present.  Instead this buffoon who most likely does not even possess a high school diploma expected me to back up my car about ten feet or so thus allowing him to complete his poorly laid out turn.  Sure I could have easily allowed for this to happen, but my trying patience for stupidity denied my benevolence. He was going to have to backup and atone for his ignorance learning how do his job all the better in the process.

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So I sat there and the obstinate fool did too, both of us intently staring at the other thus blocking the intersection for a solid three minutes and a handful of traffic light circulations.  Apparently everyone around who were getting rather uneasy about the newly formed gridlock seemed to think I should yield to this idiot and let everyone get on with their lives.  To me though it was a David and Goliath situation.  I was more then willing to fight the giant and his sympathetic entourage with just my little Saturn.  Shit I did not care if he took the entire front off my car in the process.

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John on the other hand was being a little bitch in the passenger seat pleading with me to given in, even trying to forcefully put the car in reverse.  Understanding it was a losing battle on my point and driving an unregistered vehicle I knew at some point the cops were going to show up and I would be opening an entirely different can of worms.  I was not going to succumb with out a few elegantly placed four letter words toward the trucker.

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I rolled down my window and yelled, “ How long have you been driving a truck you fucking moron”.  To this my new friend retorted, “How long have you been in a coma”, which did not make all that much sense to me.  This went back and forth for another thirty seconds before I rolled up my window, flipped him the double bird backed up, while flipping him off and then remained there cursing and flipping him off while he drove by.  If I was over being a reserved human being I would have dragged his ass out off the truck and slit his neck open right there on the pavement.  Alas for the days where to men could legally have a duel to the death.  Of course in today’s “civilized” society that is illegal.

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For John this was quite the event, for me a usual occurrence.  I believe most of my close friends have had the horrific shock of witnessing similar tantrums.  Im not perfect if I was this blog would not be nearly as colorful and would have even less readers then it already does.  If that is even possible.  I get angry and unfortunately I have years of pent up rage and frustration and when I have one of these anger attacks all of those incidents of myself being wronged by others rush to my brain and kick off such episodes of vehemence.

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Personally Im not proud of these moments and feel rather bad about them afterwards, sure they make for a great laugh and story but not for Chris Lisanti at his greatest.  You know what Im tired of being a mediocre person.  I want to be someone people look up to with reverie.  Its about time I live up the persona I have created for myself and that is why I don’t usual write on such incidents cause I know I could have handled them better and don’t wont others to emulate such behavior, but if these acts teach self control as a parable in a very hypocritical way it was more then worth the humility of writing.

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