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Lets Learn All About the Lurk!!!! :(

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 13, 2011| 4 Comments »

Well this morning we have a very special UCB for all you little kiddies out there in cyber world.  John Mauriello wins this week or I guess it really should have been last week, but I dont really give a fuck cause its my shitty ass blog and I will do what I want to.  Anyway he asked about my new found passion for lurking.  Sure he posted it about a month ago, but it was very appropriate to the situation.  If this is a bit incoherent it is because I have a little bit of the bad medicine in me (rum).

I think first off I will start with the dictionary meaning for lurking and it reads as such: ” to lie or wait in concealment, as a person in ambush; remain in or around a place secretly or furtively”.  If that is what dictionary lurking is let me explain what Lisanti lurking is. Its really grand and super classy.  It also follows the same principles as the above definition.

Lurking is the derogatory name I deem to going out to the bar, club, party or any place for that matter with the sole purpose to pick up a chick and fuck her.  After which you will never see her again and most likely never even have gotten her name.  Don’t you know that is the best way to interact with your fellow humans of the opposite sex, especially ones you should be looking to pair up with and spend the rest of your life with.  At least in the animal kingdom the male just flat out rapes the female and gets it over with.

No, as humans we find ourselves more then superior to our four legged foes.  Instead we use our cunning intelligence to out smart the female using a combination of looks, intelligence and of course alcohol to achieve such desired results.  In all respect the female does the same.  Fuck she is probably a more ruthless predator then a man.  At least men are for the most part obvious about their intentions.  Women on the other hand act all innocent, nice and decent.  Then once you give them your heart they turn around and fuck you over.  That is because every last one of them is nothing more then a filthy stinking whore.  Fellow males out there if you have a girlfriend, fiance,  or wife and think she is happy guess again.  If she has not fucked some guy behind your back yet, well she probably will later.  Especially if you treat her well.

Here is how a lurk works.  I get dressed up in my best cloths and I go out to the bar.  Immediately upon entering I case the place out to see what talent lies with in.  Then I figure out the game plan that will work best for me to prey on some unsuspecting female counter part.  End goal: to get her back to my place where I can hopefully objectify her by fucking the shit out her all night with out ever getting her name or caring to learn a thing about her. If I can get her out of my house in time for a mid day surf  and never see or hear from her again even better.

How is that achieved, by saying and doing whatever it takes to make it happen.  Your kind of a con-artist.  If you have a good wing man then you most likely have an entire repertoire down.  It is like when lions hunt they pick out the weakest zebra in the heard coax it out and then nab it.  When you lurk you find your mark and basically do the same with out the eating alive part, unless your some kind of psycho killer.

Yeah I claim to be a gentleman, but I guess that is a load of bull shit!  I’m just a mother fucking scum bag like every one else out there trying to get mine before it gets me.  Except there is one catch I don’t lurk anymore.  I cant lurk anymore.  As a matter of fact it makes me nauseous even to think about such a thing.  I find that to be a funny fact because I used to thrive on such an act.

No, I think I’m fucking done.  I had my time and it passed.  I don’t want to lurk.  I don’t want to drink.  I don’t want to feel terrible anymore.  I’m tired and I wish my time here would end.  For some reason I cant die.  Believe me I have tried and wished, but here I am still breathing air.  I can not take my own life cause that would be too simple, but why cant I have peace?  Do I not deserve serenity.   I am exasperated with jumping through hoops.  Maybe I will just move up into the pacific northwest in the hills and become a recluse.

I have had everything I could ever have wanted in life already.  Then I lost it.  I don’t want anything else.  Why can’t you see how wrong this life is that you created for us.  I know your not happy. Stop lying to yourself and be what you always told me you were. My faith in humanity was small when I met you and now after it has diminished even more.  Fuck everyone.  I’m over  all of you and your shit.  Stop laughing at me cause its not funny.  It never has been.  While you laugh I cry.  Thats how its been my whole life.

What the fuck more do you want from me?  What more do I have to prove? How much more suffering should I have to endure?

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I’m Not Nearly Drunk Enough Right Now

Posted in Deep Thoughts, tagged on June 10, 2011| 8 Comments »

Its 3 fucking am and here I am writing some pointless drivel for you to read.  Its all fucking bullshit, all of it.  What happen to us?  The human race I mean.  We were once so decadent, so respectable,  so human.  Now look at us.  We are all fucking pathetic.  All of us.  You may think your not, but you would be lying to yourself.  How does one feel so alone in a crowd?  How does one feel so lost amongst friends?  Why can’t we make shit work out?

I just don’t understand.  I had it all once and wanted more.  Now I have nothing and want even less.  Whats the world worth if the most important thing in it does not give a shit about you?  How do i have everything and feel like absolutely nothing? Why am I happy but yet so sad?  Why am I not drunk enough after a night of drinking?  Why cant I let all the pain go?  Why do I still care and hope.  Why????? Why????? Why?

Humanity died when we gave up love for lust…………

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A New Normal: The One Year Plan

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, News From Lisanti Land, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , on May 30, 2011| 7 Comments »

This weeks UCB brings Kooky Kyle back into the victory circle.  Back in September when my life was in order I wrote a UCB entitled the Ten Year Plan where I pretty much wrote both a very real and then a dream plan to be accomplished by the time I was forty.  You can click the link above if you missed it or just plain want to refresh your memory.

Since then things have changed quite a bit and I have found my life in utter shambles.  Adrienne finally moved out this past Saturday.  I would be lying if all of me had not wanted to drop to my knees and pleaded with her to stay.  Of course that was out of the question for both my own personal respect and the sake of her and my mental health.  I don’t really know whether our split is a break or a break up.  All I know is that it was necessary.

I’m pretty torn up over the whole thing and miss her to death.  Looking back now I realize there was just too much drama between us to fix at the moment.  Maybe in time if it was meant to be the two of us will be drawn back in to one another.  That is a long shot and one I need to put out of my head for the moment.

In the movie “Food Inc” there is this lady who has a segment in the film in which she speaks about the loss of her six year old son to ecoli bacteria. She said she had to establish a “new normal” since with out her son alive her life could never be the same again.  My despair of losing a lover absolutely does not even come close to the loss of a child, but that idea of establishing a new normal is exactly what I have to do.

Right now the immediate goal is to force myself to get out of bed every morning and stay out of it till night.  This may seem like an easy task, but when you feel crushed like I do it is very hard.  Alfie gets me up to feed him around 7am every morning but after that it’s back under the covers for me.  I try to pry myself out of bed by 9am and go for surf.  Eat a little breakfast (that’s right I am finally eating again at least) and keep myself occupied for the rest of the day.

Aflie mopes around the apartment all day long making this horrid meow that sounds like a mix between a moan and a screech and when he is not doing that he lays flat on my dresser hanging his head off the edge all pathetic looking.  I guess he is taking it harder then me.   In all actuality I was prepared a bit for what was coming, but poor Alfie knew nothing of it.  One minute Ade’s was here and the next gone for no rhyme nor reason as far as he was concerned.  He barely made it through the loss of Sindia.  Hopefully he will get over Adrienne as he sits on my lap as I write this with the most pathetic look on his face.

Attempting to establish this new normal is a bit hard at the moment considering I am also teetering on the brink of financial ruin.  Adrienne’s departure from my apartment and life came at short notice and a tough renting season up here on the Mesa.  With both City College and UCSB out for the summer there are an abundance of rooms for rent out there and not too many potential renters.  As of June 1st with a few bites but no concrete commitments it looks like I am going to be out a huge chunk of change.

Upon further inspection of the state of my bank account I determined that I spent way too much money in the attempt to woo Ades back.  As it turns out I burned through all my auxiliary funds leaving me with just enough to cover the whole rent on my apartment if (which at this point seems to be the harsh reality) I cannot find a roommate by the first.  If you live in Santa Barbara and happen to know someone looking for a place I have a really nice room in a great apartment available immediately, check it out here: http://santabarbara.craigslist.org/roo/2409336577.html

 

Currently I am unemployed till September with just a small amount of income being rendered from unemployment.  At the moment I don’t even have enough money to eat.  There is nothing worse then when your cupboards are bare.  Things are beginning to look a bit on the grim side for me at the moment.  At this point I am applying for any position I can find to get my hands on some cash and tomorrow will attempt to sell the majority of my quiver on craigslist.com for a fraction of what its worth.

Just think eight weeks ago I was on top of the world feeling strong with a firm future.  Now I may be homeless in 60 days watching my car get repossessed. Don’t worry this is all worst case scenario stuff.  I am sure some good fortune will come my way.  On the other hand my immediate survival problems trump my emotional turmoil.

If I get all this handled in the next few days then I can go back to establishing my new normal.  As far as a one year plan goes its up in the air right now.  I am going to continue with culinary school and keep working at Westmont.  I want to get back into music.  Ever since all this bull shit started I have been shredding on the saxophones again.

Over the summer I have a few little projects I want to get done.  One in particular is to finish the coffee table (see coffee table link at the top of the blog for more about that).  I want to grow my vegetable garden and work on me as a person.  At the moment I have been pursuing my spiritual side at this church call the Mansion here in Santa Barbara devoted to lost souls finding their way back to God.

So far everyone there has been really wonderful to me and are like a second family.  They all go out of their way to invite me things, make me feel like I belong and help me strive to be the great person I want to be.  Pursuance of my new faith is a serious goal over the upcoming year.  Mainly I need to regroup, rebuild myself and find out who I am again.  When you’re with someone as long as I was with Adrienne that person becomes a part of you and you a part of her.  When that person is taken from your life it is like losing an appendage.  Now I have to be strong and stand on my own two feet again.

This may be my new home very shortly. Alfie is not there because I most likely had to eat him to survive.

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Gimmie the Loot

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , on May 21, 2011| Leave a Comment »

This week’s UCB makes a winner of John Mauriello with the topic “Money”.  Although I feel like this is one that has been covered before I have no concrete recollection of it making perfect grounds for a revisit.  He gets one point for his efforts.

I hate money with a passion.  Unfortunately it is one of the necessary evils for survival in this world.  I have seen it cause misery and wreak havoc in my own life and the lives of others.  Growing up I was obsessed with money.   I could not get enough of it.  I would do chores around the house, work all sorts of odd jobs.

Money was a way for me to get things that I wanted.  As a result I never properly learned how to manage my money either.  As a kid I spent it as fast as I had it and when I became an adult the same held true.  Then somewhere along the road I realized the money was just another shackle put on our ankles by society.  I learned how to live on as little as possible and get as much as possible out of it.

Now I look at money purely as a means of survival.  Sure I have dreams about being a baler, wearing expensive cloths, driving luxury cars and having a house on the hill.  I don’t think I know to many people who don’t.  These days my ideas of money have become a bit more realistic and my goals concerning it as well.  Now I only shoot for obtaining as much money as it takes to live comfortably and not have to always worry about getting my bills paid.

I have learned to live within my means to some extent not that it is an easy feat here in Santa Barbara where the cost of living exceeds the mean salary by triple.  I guess that is the price we pay to live in paradise and I would not have it any other way.

My biggest problem with money is how it is used as a method to value people.  Look at minimum wage for example.  Is anyone person really only worth $7.25 an hour?  I sure hope not, but that is what one must degrade himself to in order to survive.  It was not long ago I had an audition for a grill position at a restaurant here in town.  The owner was impressed with my skills and offered me the job but only wanted to pay me $10 for it.

I valued my skills a little higher then that wage and by accepting such degrading of a wage I would have devalued the position and the profession of a cook.  The fact of the matter is it is a skilled job needed to be worked by a skilled individual who should be worth a little more then I got paid to sit on my ass at the gas station doing monkey work.

That is how America and capitalism work.  The person in advantage can take advantage and the person at a disadvantage must accept his fate.  I hate money.  I hate what it does to us.  I hate that it has become the only motivating force in our society.  Instead of an individual striving to the best he or she can possibly accomplish the only concern is how much am I going to get paid for it.

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One Last Perfect Day

Posted in Coffee Table Saga, Dating, Deep Thoughts, Life, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2011| 12 Comments »

Adrienne and I finally decided to take a break apart from each other.  I know it’s for the best right now, but still it’s hard for me to not wish things could not have turned out better.  I tried to keep us together for as long as I could as hard as I could.  She was not ready to try and may never be able to.  I think now the only chance we have of ever reuniting is some time apart.

“If you love something set it free and if it comes back to you it was meant to be” is how the saying goes I trust.  If you’re lost revisit Bowing Out and Once Upon A Mattress for more details.  It looks like from here on forward you will be reading about independent single Lisanti.  Don’t get your hopes up for drunken tales and sexual escapades.  I don’t find pride in those stories anymore.  Before I close the Adrienne chapter of my life I would like to tell one last story about us, our last fun day.

This past weekend I took Ades up to Santa Barbara Wine Country.  Springtime is beautiful up there.  Everything is still green and luscious before browning out during the summer heat and drought.  I had been up there many times thanks to countless Jalama and Surf Beach missions that had went awry leaving me extra time to go poking around.  Adrienne had never been.  I knew my days with her were very limited and that if I did not act now I may not have ever had the opportunity to share one of my favorite places in California with her.  There are so many other places all over the world I wish I could have had the privilege to show her.

As an extra incentive to go I knew many of the 2010 vintages were beginning to be introduced to the tasting rooms.  I planned the whole trip out to go to two vineyards and do some valley adventuring.  Our first stop was Beckmen Vineyards in Los Olivios my current favorite estate wine producer in Santa Barbara County.  They grow mostly Rhone varietals (grapes that are grown in the Rhone Valley of France, Syrah, Grenache, etc), which are currently some of my favorites.  Syrah is considered one of the grapes that grow best in Santa Barbara.

Ades is the one who actually turned me on to Beckmen, buying one their earlier vintage Red Rhone blends earlier in the year.  It was one of the better wines I have had the privilege to drink.  Out of all the vineyards up there they were the must stop.  We get up there and it is just a beautiful vineyard with all the different varieties neatly trellised.  The grounds were nicely gardened with a little lake and rose garden.  There is nothing more aesthetically pleasing to me then a well kept vineyard.  Staring out at acres of pristine rows of vines is surreal.

We go into the tasting room and luckily just missed one of those large wine tasting buses thus had the sommelier all to ourselves.  They had a six bottle tasting for ten bucks and the guy threw in a tasting of the new 2010 Rose for free.  Adrienne is more of a red fan then a white, and I don’t really have a preference.  The 2010 Sauvignon Blanc was quite exquisite.  I ended up buying a bottle.  They did a Rhone white blend (Marsanne, Roussanne, Grenache Blanc) called Le Bec Blanc that just blew me away.  I bought a bottle of that too.

Then we tasted the Rose, which I found to be quite refreshing, Adrienne was not a fan.  Too sweet for her I think.  We tasted their red Rhone blend Cuvee Le Bec, but it was the same vintage Ades had bought that one time so it was not really special to me.  Finally we tasted their Syrah.  Usually when you buy a bottle they comp the tasting.  I bought two and the dude still charged me for the tasting.

Ades said it was because I was not nice enough to the guy, but the dude kept talking about how he was sick and was coughing all over the wine the entire time.  How nice could I possibly be?  Also I did not really care much for him.  Some people just rub me the wrong way.  I think it was something about his face.

After the tasting we cruised around the vineyard a bit.  I love to walk amongst the grapes, feel the dirt between my fingers.  Just imagine how it will look when I come back for another visit for harvest season in the fall.  If I ever strike it rich someday maybe I will get myself a vineyard and grow my own Rhone varietals.  I can be a Rhone Ranger.

Whenever tasting its good to take a break to give the body a chance to absorb the alcohol.  After all if you get too sloshed then you really do not taste objectively.  My absolute favorite spot in the Santa Ynez Valley is this little park called Nojoqui Falls.  Its this 60 foot limestone water fall that is more like a water slide then a fall thanks to years of limestone being deposited at the base of the falls.  It almost does the opposite of most waterfalls.

Instead of eroding the base, all the rich sediment builds it up.  It makes for a very breath taking sight.  There is all this great moss growing on the limestone and the water bubbles down like chandeliers of foam to a shallow crystal clear pool below.  Brennan and I came a across this gem two summers ago when we were doing our 101 Santa Barbara activities. I love it there and make a trip to it whenever I have some spare time.  I had wanted to take Ades there for months but never made the time.  It’s funny how I always wait till things are over to do something amazing.

After the falls I wanted to get over to Ostrich Land, this crazy ostrich and emu farm in between Solvang and Lompoc.  For $5 you get a pail of food and are let lose in the bird pen to feed these monstrous prehistoric angry birds at your own risk of course.  I have been here many times.  It’s a must stop whenever I go up north with someone new.  The place is like a petting zoo gone sadistic.  It’s a shit show that you have to experience to fully understand.  We both managed to survive the endeavor with all our extremities in tact.

They even had a handful of baby Emus that you could hand feed.  I was super pumped on them.  I wanted to buy some ostrich meat to cook up since I just recently found out in one of my classes that it is good eating. Unfortunately it turns out the meat has become super popular and is near impossible to get at the moment and they don’t slaughter the birds at Ostrich Land, a fact I always thought the opposite. Turns out the place is just for fun and not for food.

From Ostrich Land it was on to our next tasting.  Apparently most tasting rooms close at four and there were a few that closed at five.  We managed to luck upon a vineyard a few miles from Ostrich Land that was still tasting called Dierberrg, Star Lane and Three Saints.  Those were the three wine labels that are produced there and it was an estate vineyard as well (estate vineyard means all steps in the wine making process happens right at that vineyard).  We made the last pouring of the day and the sommelier was super chill and actually poured us a very generous tasting of each bottle.  Their pinot noir was very splendid and so was the syrah. I was rather happy with all of the wines poured.

Unfortunately I kicked my budget at Beckmen and the bottles here were a bit too pricey for me to buy one.  I offered to pay for the tasting and sommelier said it was free.  Well then I had to buy a bottle.  I was going to get the Sauvignon Blanc cause it was only $18, but then she pulled out these other wines called Three Saints that are their “table Wines”.  I bought a bottle of Syrah for $12.

Their vineyard unlike Beckmen was huge, too large to walk around.  As a last stop with the slowly waning sun I took Adrienne to surf beach over on Vandenberg Air Force Base.  Surf Beach is one of the eeriest places I have ever surfed and with the recent shark attack I have not made if back since last summer.  We got there and it was actually a beautiful afternoon.  The beach was closed by the military being that it was passed 6pm (surf beach is only open from 8am-6pm daily), but we could still mill around the parking lot.  Between the missile silos, strange non descript huge government buildings and the vast emptiness of the churned up sea it was a breathtaking site.

Ades did not think it was all that eerie, but of course she wouldn’t.  She likes creepy places.  We muddled around the area for about an hour or so.  I tried to do flips off this concrete pillar to no avail, although I did not break my neck so one may consider that a success.  I think it was some of the most fun we had together in a while and deep down thought we had a glimmer of hope.

I wanted to get dinner at this famous restaurant called the Hitching Post, but being it was Saturday and around sevenish there was like a two hour wait.  Im not about to wait two hours for any food.  I don’t care how good it is. We cruised into Solvang this tourist trap built to look like a traditional Danish village.  There were less choices then I would have expected considering the nature of the town.

We ended up settling for some Danish themed diner call the Little Mermaid Restaurant.  The food was plentiful, cheap and from what I could tell from a quick glimpse in the kitchen mostly heated up out of a can.  The dinning experience was great with a bus girl who for whatever reason kept her purse on her at all times thus accidentally clocking me in the head with it every time she took my plate.  It was a classic dingy Jersey diner with a Danish theme .  We ordered beer to go with the meal, after all that type of food is made to pair with beer.  Then Billy Jean came on the radio and I decided to get up a bust out a move or two.

It was a most splendid day.  Our last day together, maybe forever?  Only time will tell.  The situation is out of my hands now.  I have done and endured all any human heart could for another person.  I can’t force her to love me; she has to figure that out on her own.  Sometimes distance makes the heart grow fonder and I can only hope that after a period of time she will realize that she does still love me but has just hardened her heart towards me for the moment.

As for me I need to hang up my hat and walk off into the sunset gracefully alone.  She moves out June 1st and it’s going to be difficult but I cannot be the one to initiate contact between us.  If she wants to try again she knows how to find me.  For now I have to put my feelings for her aside and move on with my life.

A lot of good has come out of this.  I learned tons about myself and have went through a complete transformation as a person.  I think I have finally learned what it means to be human.  I wish Adrienne the very best in life and hope she finds the happiness I was unable to provide for her.

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The Best Part of Surfing is the Parking Lot

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2011| 1 Comment »

This Week’s UCB, the first one of the Spring Quarter was won by Nick the Kook.  He will claim 3 points since I promised that I would double the first blog.  Don’t worry though every week from here till the end of the quarter there will be a double point bonus floating UCB if a topic worthy of such accolade is asked.  There are plenty of opportunities to take the lead.

Kook asked me to write about my favorite parking lot story.  Now this at first did not make sense to me.  Initially I thought maybe he wanted a story about me in a parking lot, sort of like that Sienfeld episode where Jerry and the gang got lost in the parking garage. Then I realized he was talking about the surf parking lot or at least that is what I am going to assume.  I cant think of one particular story at the moment, although there have been many.  What I would love is to use this topic as a forum to explain to the non surfing population just what we are talking about.

By now if you’re an avid non-surfing reader you have learned of many of the mystiques and fallacies of surfing exposed here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  If you have been reading since the myspace days then you are just about an expert.  When you think about it this blog is sort of like stereo instructions (or the handbook of the recently dead from “Beatle Juice”) on the surfing sub culture.

The actual physical act of riding waves is the shortest denomination in the surfing life style.  If you must have a true break down it goes something like this:

10% riding the actual waves (and that is still being generous for the average surfer)

25% travel time to and from the break (may be larger depending on proximity to a ride able wave)

35% Paddling, waiting in the line up, walking back up the beach
30% parking lot

I mean it may work out differently for other folks I don’t really know, but generally I think the above percentages represent most surfers surfing experience well.  So what is all this time that is spent in the parking lot all about?

Every single surf spot on the planet with the exception of remote islands has some kind of parking area near or right on the break.  Depending on the visibility from the lot to the waves depends on the amount of time spent there.  The better the view from the lot the more hanging out that goes on.  Take C-street as a perfect example.  You can sit in your car and watch the action all day, and some people do.  At Rincon on the other hand the parking lot is out of view of the break, thus less stragglers.

Basically a surfer hangs out in the lot before each session from anywhere upward of 5-30 minutes depending on the surf.  If its firing everyone is tearing their suits on as fast as possible.  If it’s tiny then most of us hang around watching for motivation or just trying to kill time by shooting the shit with who ever shows up.  Other times guys will be waiting out the tide or the wind.  I have sat in the parking lot at Emma Wood for over two hours before waiting for a tide push that never came.

Then you have the vets and surf reps who always seem to just hang in the lot all day talking shop, yet only surf like twice a year at best.  After the surf you hang out and recap the session with your bros and other fellow surfers.  Sometimes even enjoy a victory beer or smoke, which happens before the surf as well at times.  I personally think the parking lot is about as much fun as actually being in the water.

Parking lots at surf spots are full of all sorts of characters both the surfers and bystanders.  Here in California you can almost always count on some type of entertainment from either a crazy homeless person, tweaker or a combination of the two.  Good old-fashioned agro localism fights will go down in the lot.  Cars get vandalized and robbed.  Oblivious passer byes walking will ask stupid questions like “is the water cold” or “How is the surfing today?”.

The parking lot is the true celebration of surfing and surf culture.  Im sure the ancient Polynesians hung out in front of their huts doing the same shit we do now while watching the action.  There is heckling, jeers, cheers, grom abuse and everything in between.  Next time your at a surf spot take a moment to observe all the action going on in the parking lot.  I can on most days assure you it is more exciting then what is going on in the water.

There is a parking lot view for you.

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Finding errr….God???

Posted in Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , on May 10, 2011| 2 Comments »

Its funny all the places that one seems to find God.  Prison cells, the bottom of a bottle of Jack Daniels,  in one’s darkest hour, that is it seems when desperate souls make there last stand and reach out to a power unknown.   So how did I Chris Lisanti, one of the lowest of God’s creatures, the biggest non believer and nay sayer ever, end up sitting before the pulpit listening to the good word of Luke, John, Mathew and the rest of the gang.  You got me, yet there I was sitting two rows back with tears streaming from my eyes the entire time this past Sunday.

I have struggled to even think about writing a blog like this for fear it would turn my readers off, but then I thought of all those Christians who faced horrible but proud deaths by the hand of the Romans and it gave me strength to keep writing.  After all they were not afraid to die for what they believed in. So why should I be afraid to write about it.  So here goes.

It all fits into the last couple of blogs written here.  If you go back to Bowing Out , I know it was like 2000 words long and I don’t really think anyone gave it a read, I finally exonerated my plight and agony I have been going through.  Well somewhere in that mix I started having weekly conversations with one of my professors.  I needed advice on whether I wanted to be a chef anymore and later on just plain help coping with my desperate situation.  At first he just gave me some helpful advice, but then later began quoting scripture.

Normally when someone pulls that shit on me I run for the hills, but for whatever reason I began listening to his jargon.  This time it made a ton of sense though.  The very first moment I went to speak to him he told me words that I have been trying to live by since.  “There are three things a man must figure out about himself before he can truly be a man and attain happiness:

  1. What is his purpose in life, or in other words what is he going to do with himself.
  2. What does he believe in spiritually.
  3. Who is he going to spend the rest of his life with.”

Nothing had ever been summed up so clearly for me. As of lately I had number one covered.  I’m trying to make my way in the world here in Santa Barbara California. I just want to have home, be able to support my home and be happy with it.  If I can do it through food even better.  I thought I had number three figured out, but I guess I was wrong about that one.  Number two, number two has always been troublesome.  I don’t quite ever know what to do with number two.

Well the night he told me that I was very uneasy.  Tons of things had passed beyond my control and I did not know quite where to turn.  He said a prayer for me out loud and it really relaxed me and I felt comforted if only for a few moments.  For whatever reason from that moment on I began to pray a little bit every day and it made me feel better.  I I did not know whom or what I was praying to.  I just believed I was being heard and it was enough for me.

I know I sound very silly right now.  I am a well educated individual.  I should know better then to send my hopes up to the sky.  No matter what rationale I attempted to rectify the situation I still found myself praying every single night.   I have almost been dead so many times, including at birth, yet here I am still breathing to write this.  My mother named me Chris, after Christ, my middle name is Joseph and my last name, Lisanti, means the saint in Italian.

Fast forward to May 3rd where I found myself sitting down professing my love and devotion to Jesus Christ my savior.  I had been asked to open my heart up to him so many times in my life and each I scoffed.  Why he kept knocking is beyond me, but he did.  For a reason unknown to me I listened and took him in.

I don’t know whats next.  I have no grasp on the future.  All I know is that I feel stronger now in this current time of great suffering then I ever felt when everything I thought I wanted was working out.  I’m not telling you this because I think you should follow my example and go sign up.  I promise that I will never become one of those crazy righteous holier then thou types either.  I’m telling you this because it is important for me to share it.  This blog has documented the major changes in my life for the last six years and for me to leave something this big out would be an atrocity.

Please don’t get scared and run from the new Lisanti.  I’m the still the same fun loving guy I always have been.  The difference is this time around I won’t be having fun at the expense of others.  Please keep reading.  I promise there will be chills, spills and thrills just as in the past.  My only hope now is that when you read about them you wont feel the need to shake your head in disappointment or disgust.

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A Big Day

Posted in Dating, Deep Thoughts, Life, tagged on April 30, 2011| 2 Comments »

Today is the culmination of one of the hardest set of days and emotional turn oil I have ever had to go through in my entire life.  For the past two weeks I have been in a constant state of limbo unsure of my future.  There were laughs, although mostly cries.  The occasional fit of anger, a therapeutical surf or two and two nights of good old fashioned depression drinking (thank you Steve “oh we will only go out for one beer….Hey this next game is for shots!”)  Whatever the different coping methods involved I got through it.

I dont think I would have made it had it not been for some many amazing people in my life, both new and old.  Its funny they always say you find out who your real friends are in your darkest hour.  As it turns out there more genuine friends around me these days then ever before in my life.  People whom I did not even like very much got behind me and gave me a shoulder to cry on.  I met a group of absolute strangers who stayed with me all night, cheered me up and then invited me to their lavish party the next day.

At said party I met tons of other great people.  I spent some time with my college neighbors next store whom I had kind of always written off as a pack of immature bros.  They ended up being alright guys too.  Here on SurfingRuinedMylife.net you have all been exceptionally supportive and for that I thank you from bottom of my heart.  The first night of my agony I felt so alone in the world.  Now I think very much otherwise.

I feel stronger then ever and Im ready to face the challenge set before in 16 hours.  I dont know what outcome is going to be.  What I do know is that I am prepared for whatever the circumstance.  I feel I have handled the whole situation in the most adult and moral standing a man in my place could possibly accomplish.  I was Adam Bede, Howard Roark and maybe even a touch of Darcy.

Now all I can do is wait and see and pray for the strength to “keep on keeping on”.  One thing I will promise is that no matter what happens over the next 24 hours I am going to take the high road from here on in.  Keep me in your thoughts and prayers tonight and send out those positive vibes, because my friends no matter what, tomorrow is another day.

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The Problem With Bureaucracies

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , on March 20, 2011| 1 Comment »

A long time ago Mauriello requested this blog and it was a topic that I had a bit to say on, but at the time just could not find the words to voice my opinion.  Before I get into the blog I want to remind everyone that the UCB Winter Quarter is about to come to a close April 1st.  That being the case it is time for the double points blog to make its elusive appearance again.

 

As usual the double points UCB is in addition to the remaining two that are left in the quarter and will only be written if the topic is one I feel is double points worthy.  If you think about it if you were to win the last two blogs and score the UCB double points blog that would be four points and put you clearly in contention for the title.  Just thought I would throw out some food for thought.

 

A bureaucracy is defined as a system of administration based upon organization into small groups or bureaus, division of labor, a hierarchy of authority, etc designed to dispose of a large body of work in a routine manner.

Bureaucracies are pretty much the tiny subdivisions of organization that we have to deal with in our society on an everyday basis be it good or bad.  They are also the reason why certain things like legal proceedings, the DMV, even renting an apartment in some cases take forever and can be frustrating as hell.  Bureaucracies have rules, and lots of them it is the only way to make such as system work with out falling apart.

 

It is a in most cases “too many chiefs and not enough Indians situation”.   You see it all starts with a few little employees such as the DMV for example were there are “x” amount of customer service agents.  Each one of those agents report to a supervisor, who then imparts their findings to his supervisor, who then goes to his higher up and so and and so forth.  This is all fine and dandy for your everyday operations but when something out of the ordinary needs to be done even if it is the simplest of tasks it ends up taking forever.

 

I will use the transferring of my apartment from joint tenant-ship with my last roommate to adding my new roommate to my lease.  This should have been an easy seamless process considering I was still on the original lease but thanks to all of the rules of the bureaucracy of the rental agency became the biggest headache ever.  I had to get the place inspected, fill out new rental applications, pay rental application fees, sign waivers.  It became a mountain out of a mole hill process courtesy of a bureaucracy all because they have a protocol that must be followed for all procedures no mater what the situation.

 

The reason for this is because of the pure stupidity of 90% of the public.  Lets face most people are morons.   I see it everyday and it makes me sad.  For that reason bureaucracies exist.  To firstly keep the hopelessly stupid employed, in many cases all the way up the food chain thus you have the blind leading the blind, and it helps the retarded coup with living.  Basically it is a house of cards built by some very smart people, but run and managed by idiots.   It is for this reason that such institutions drive the intelligent crazy.

 

What shall we do in place of them?  If you take away bureaucracies then you would have complete totalitarianism.  I don’t really know what’s worse, one jack ass calling the shots or a whole collection of them lost in the woods.  For me it comes back to my age old dilemma: do we educate those who are willing to learn and excommunicate those who are unfit to help with the betterment of society or do we keep sailing on the sinking ship we know.  If we did this who would be the judge and what would be the criteria.  Unfortunately I don’t think I would still fit into it.  Face it we are all fucked, but who cares the world is going to end in a year any way.

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Finding Flaws

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 5, 2011| 3 Comments »

This week’s UCB is taken by Brennan with the topic “What is your worst character flaw?”  Well like his, I would love it to be that “I was everyone’s unrealized dream”, but unfortunately I am more like most peoples unrealized nightmare.  Enough on that, we are not here to explore that aspect of who I am.  That can be saved for some other blog some other time.

My biggest character flaw, well actually there are two and I will cover both here.  Lets start with the most obvious, MY ANGER!!!!!!! Face the facts I am an angry person, very angry, borderline sociopath.  How I have made it this far not being institutionalized be it prison or asylum is beyond me.  I think my high level of intelligence is the only thing that has kept form spending the bulk of my days behind a wall of glass.

In all seriousness I have an anger problem.   Everyone who has spent more then 24 hours with me can attest to that.  Sometimes all it takes is twenty minutes depending on the situation.  There is an “anger” category to the right of this blog for surfingruinedmylife.net.  If you click on the link I think there are easily over a dozen blogs there on everything from getting into a street fight to ranting about using apostrophes.

I don’t really know why I am so angry.  I had a very privileged life.  My parents loved me and provided for me.  I had a few childhood pets.  Its not like I was some gangster from the hood who was constantly getting kicked back into the gutter.  All I can blame it on is years of malicious ridicule from imbeciles because I was and still am different from them and see things differently.

Im not just one of those angry people who bottle it all up inside eventually either having a breakdown or climbing up on the roof of their house with an AK-47 and taking out the neighbors.  I am one of those people who act out on every initial angry impulse I have.  I threw a desk at my 8th grade math teacher because he made a joke in class at my expense.  I can flare up rather easily.  Brennan the bearer of this internet literary feast (or lack there of) you are reading can attest to that.

It is true that in my old age I have calmed down tons.  When I was in my late teens early twenties I would chase down some one on the road and try to fight them for beeping their car horn at me, even if I was in the wrong.  Keep in mind at 5’9 and 150lbs soaking wet get my ass kicked in a fight situation more times then not.  Sure there are still moments of ridiculous road rage for proof on that read about the Caesar Chavez Incident in the blog “Flying off the Handle”.  There are plenty of surf line up altercations, but in my defense I rarely lash out first unless the other surfer is being a real bone head.  Shit, if a person is being a total jackass it is our responsibility as good citizens of the earth to put them down, vigilantly style especially where surfing is concerned.

I have been making the greatest efforts possible to control my anger and it is probably down to only about four to six outrageous blowups of rage a month.  I used have that amount happen in one day.  My goal is to one day only have that many disruptions a year (maybe before I die?  Then again with out my fits of rage this blog would be a bore. Damn catch 22).  My other Character flaw is that I live in a fantasy world, but then again that could also be my greatest character trait depending on whom you talk to. That being the case Im not about to get into it here.  Since Im still an angry person be sure to not be on the receiving end to my stick because if your smaller then me, like maybe a midget or a sickly child I will fuck you up!

Im so mad I cant even open my right eye.

The future accommodations to be provided for me courtesy of a fit of rage taken too far.

I dont know what this fucking thing is but I will wipe that stupid smile right off of its face.

Fuck you Gary Coleman I will kick your little ass.

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