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Archive for the ‘Deep Thoughts’ Category

25 Again!!???!

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , on February 4, 2011| 6 Comments »

Today marks the 5th year in a row that I have turned 25 years old or was it 24, I cant remember anymore.  But seriously today is my 30th birthday and for the first time in my life I am not ashamed to admit to my true age.  Im proud to have lived for thirty years.  I mean that is quite an accomplishment especially for someone such as myself.  Sure Im not a fire fighter or crack whore where your life is on the line everyday but there certainly have been plenty of close calls.

If someone would have asked me at twenty if I expected to be writing a blog about me turning thirty my first response would have been “what the fuck is a blog and why would I ever want to waste my time on something as pathetic as that?” after which I would have scoffed and declared I would never make it to that old age.  I mean at twenty, thirty seems like a variable senior citizen.  Im awaiting the arrival of my AARP card in the mail any day now.

Its nice to finally not be embarrassed or feel forced to conceal my age.  Back when I was trying (in vain) to make it in the bullshit world of professional surfing anyone over the age of 25 was pretty much un-sponsor-able unless one had already made a name for oneself, which I had not.  So every years since my actual 25th birthday I turned 25 again.  Thanks to my “Portrait of Dorian Grey” like situation I could pull it off.  When I went home for Christmas I was looking at pictures of myself back in high school and then my Berklee days to see if I have been losing any hair and I noticed an alarming stigma.

I have not really aged in the last 15 years.  Yes I have grown a little bit more facial hair (mostly in my nose) and have a few stress lines on my forehead.  Besides that I look pretty much the same.  I weighted 135 lbs my junior year in high school now I fluctuate between 135-140 depending on how much I surf and eat.  I dont know what that says about me or if I made some inadvertent deal with the devil like our friend Dorian, but so far forever young.

I only wish my body would hold up just as well, unfortunately I definitely have three times more aches and pains on a daily basis then when I really was 25.  My back hurts nearly all the time, both my knees alternate on giving me shit and my neck hurts most days of the week.  In other words I have a very nice stock of ibuprofen and thank mankind for such a miracle innovation.

Besides that I feel pretty good.  My life is on a good track.  I have a decent job and am in school working towards becoming a chef.  Hopefully by the time Im 40 I can have enough money saved to get my Alpaca/Sheep/EMU farm/Vineyard in New Zealand I alaways talk about.  If I do you are all invited to come live and work on my land, Emma Wood Ranch forever.  Dont worry it wont be some hokey hippie commune or blue Nike wearing comet cult.

My surfing feels really good.  I know I had a ton of bad luck this past fall, but since then I am surfing better then ever.  A few of the older guys at Rincon have made a point to tell me how my backside attack at Rincon has finally come into its own.  I dont really know what that means per say but I would like to think it is something positive.  Hears to another year of living.  Hooray for me I managed not to get hit by a car, stabbed by a bum or mauled by a tiger or the infinite other ways to die.  Let me be the first to say Happy Birthday to myself (or the last considering it is 11pm).

Hooooooorahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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When Enough is Enough

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2011| 8 Comments »

Sit back and let an expert explain all...

This week’s UCB makes a victor of my boy Brennan whom I believe is claiming his first win ever here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net, although he did win a few back in the Myspace.com days.  He proposed I write a blog about when one should pull the plug on an out of control drunken relationship, be it with a significant other or a close friend.  This topic is one that I definitely have authority over considering I personally have been on both sides of the coin, the out of control drunken friend and victim.

I use the word victim because it is what one becomes when he is on the receiving end of the drunk shenanigans.   About two years ago when I first moved here to Santa Barbara I was a bit of handful.  I went from going out a few times a week, getting buzzed and trying to pick up chicks to going out nearly every night of the week and getting black out drunk.  Most of the time when I get drunk I don’t get all that crazy (unless Im partying with one of my two friends: Tequila and Bacardi 151.  If they are involved then there is no telling what is going to happen) and usually if anyone is going to be victimized from my drinking it is myself.

I know at one point the bearer of this blog and my greatest wingman ever Brennan had just about had it with me.  He claimed by that point it was not fun for him anymore and that he felt more like a baby sitter then a friend when we were going out.  Also I was not a good wingman to him when I was so sloppy drunk I could barely stand straight and talk with out slurring my speech.  Ladies surprisingly don’t find that very attractive.

He approached me about it and at first I was really angry and did not go out with him for about a week.  Then I realized what a jackass I was and eventually came around.  In most circumstances that is the best way to handle the problem.  Before completely giving up on the person in jeopardy confront them and explain to that person just what is going on.  Some people don’t even realize that they are “that guy” until a close friend brings it to light.  I know I didn’t.  Ultimately if things stay the same I would then break off all contact and get off that sinking ship.

This leads me to two separate situations.  The first happened back in New Jersey circa 2002.  I used to go get drinks with some friends and this dude Mike (that wasn’t his real name, for his sake I have changed it to mike) who had just moved back to the shore from a couple of year stint in Oceanside California.  Mike was a great guy, good surfer and an all around fun friend.  When we went out for a party things changed really fast.

Now I have a pretty high tolerance for bullshit.  For starters my sense of adventure is a bit more warped then most.  My motto in most situations that would have regular folks running for the hills has always been “lets see how things play out”.  Truth be told I have been rather lucky that things never played out in the worst case scenario although bad.

Mike was the kind of guy who loved to do crazy drunken feats of strength, whether he was challenged or not.  When we first started drinking together he used to say things like “you think I am going to punch myself in the face?”  And then he would do it.  I found it rather amusing.  Then it steadily began to escalate.

Another time we were sitting at the bar having a good time, when all of a sudden he would be like “you think I will pour this pitcher of beer over my head” as he was pouring it over his head.  Then the bouncer would throw us out.  From there it was “hey I just ripped the urinal out of the bath room wall” or “lets throw this full beer bottle at that cop car over there”.  For me that was the final draw.  One of my fine lines is police interference.  I don’t like jail.  I spent a little time there once for being an idiot and it was enough to scare me straight.

That was it for Mike and I.  The other incident happened out here in Santa Barbara.  I met this 21 year old train wreck downtown about two years ago.  My first indication to stay away should have been our meet cute, which happened when the drunk bitch stumbled into me and fell flat on her face on State Street (an occurrence I would later find out happened way too often) a block from the Wild Cat.  Lets call her Emma for ease of story.  I found her rather amusing and the sex was good.

This crazy bitch got me into so many compromising situations it was not even funny though at times somewhat exciting.  She got into a bar fight with a group of my Jersey friends, had me jumped by her 19 year old brother and two of his friends downtown, had sex with a few of my other friends behind my back, caused a scene and a half in front of Tonic that had me slink off into the night and had me take two unnecessary kicks to the back in two unrelated incidents.  All of which happened while she was completely wasted and I literally had to carry her home on numerous occasions.  The only the thing she was not was a vomiter.   If she were that would have been the final straw right there.

Still that was not enough to turn me off.  The last incident that sent me packing went down at 3:30 in the morning. I found myself in the street in front of a crack house in Isla Vista, where she was trying to satisfy a coke binge inside. Meanwhile I got into a brawl with a coked up black dude, then ended up forfeiting what was left of my money to keep one of Emma’s friends from getting molested by a shady cab driver, finally saving the same girl from being raped by another random drug addict at which point I was ready to get out of there.

I went looking for Emma only to find her popping a handful of non descript pills to off set the coke as she put it. I walked into the room to retrieve her and get the fuck out of there upon this request she told me to go fuck myself as she was sitting spread eagle and all three guys in the room were looking at her exposed panties courtesy of her stained hocked up mini skirt.

I lost it, called her a drugged out whore and (not far from the mark) walked out of the house leaving her to get ganged rapped by the three guys there.  I had to walk the streets of IV till 4:30 am till I finally stumbled upon a friend who was able to give me a place to crash for the night and a ride home in the morning considering there was no more money left in my wallet and I left my plastic at home.  Condition three personal safety is another consideration.

So there you have it.  When is enough, enough?  You need to ask yourself three questions:

  1. Am I really having a good time: If the answer to this is yes at least fifty percent of the time Im still on board, but you can set your own parameters.
  2. Will hanging out with this person eventually have me ending up in prison: For me this is a deal breaker after the first close call.  The moment our relationship has me ducking in the bushes from the cops at 3am its over.
  3. Will this partnership lead to my life coming to a hault or me maimed, disfigured or dismembered: Like I said in the Emma example, personal safety.  Im ok with cuts and bruises, but when we are talking potential hospital stays or worse, well I don’t have the proper medical coverage to handle any of that.
  4. Bonus: Your mental health is another brief consideration.  For me this is never really a concern, but if you are a logically thinking person then you probably have a limit to how much bull your brain can take.  Then again your reading this pathetic excuse for a blog so your tolerance for bullshit must be quite high after all.

These are just some guidelines that I personally follow with the drunken insane.  So far they have kept me alive for over 15 years of heavy duty partying with some of the craziest drunks you will ever meet.  In my case I guess it takes one to know one.

I think this falls into the personal safety category and the jail one.

Is this enough? Your call.

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Two is Better Then One

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , on December 11, 2010| 4 Comments »

This week the UCB makes a victor of Nick the Kook with a topic that I sort of mocked him a bit for suggesting.  After giving it some further thought on the matter and being that “Multiplicity” is one of my favorite films I decided to give the kid the green light.  What did Nick suggest you ask? “What if you could take a pill and wake up the next morning with an exact copy of yourself”.

 

Now don’t think this was an original idea for the chap, on the contrary.  In the masterpiece surf film “Campaign” by Taylor Steele this was one of the skits from the movie staring Chris Malloy.  Basic plot was that Malloy went to sleep after taking a medication called “Double Up” and in the morning he woke up next to an exact copy of himself.  Sounds bizarre for sure but it was actually a rather entertaining skit as far as surf films go.

 

For arguments sake lets say this “Double Up” drug was real and I gave it ago and woke up next to myself.  I don’t really know how to feel about it.  Im a pretty big asshole and barely like one of me as it is let alone two.  Can you imagine the world with two Chris Lisanti’s?  It’s a rather horrifying thought.

 

Then on further thought I realized what if this second Lisanti was subservient to me?  I could make him do all the bullshit I hate in life while I could do the other bullshit I enjoy doing, like surfing.  I would make his ass go to work for me; heck he would work as much as possible to support my life style.  I would make him my own personal Joe Friday as well.

 

Or maybe we could be friends him and I.  The Ultimate companion.  Imagine having a wing man at the bar that was an exact copy of you.  Except he would not be an exact copy of you but of me.  Together we would clean up.  Surfing we could control all sorts of line-ups.  Shit we could probably take over the world because your definitely always going to agree with yourself.

 

In the end Im sure we would end up killing each other or end up in jail or killing ourselves because like I said the world is only big enough for one Chris Lisanti.  A redundancy would most likely cause a huge riff in the space time continuum ending existence of life on earth as we know it.   Maybe that is what is going to happen in 2012 I am going to receive an exact copy of me.  People have been known to call me the anti-Christ.

Whats more dangerous The Joker or two Chris Lisantis

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A Bold Idea or…?

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 2, 2010| 9 Comments »

Kooky Kyle takes this week’s UCB in what I have to say was a hard fought battle.  There were so many good suggestions this week it took me nearly a half hour to go through and select one.  Ok that’s a bit of a lie I was also chatting with like three people on Facebook as well.  Thank you everyone for taking it up a notch from the poor showing of the previous week.

Apparently the ASP World Tour is planning on doing one of the “World Tour” events on the East Coast US to go along with world class venues such as Pipe, J-Bay, G-Land and Trestles.  Kooky asked my opinion on the situation.  Being a former professional surfer and resident of the east coast I find myself more then qualified to give thoughts on the subject.  For more information about this event or the WT and ASP click the following links: http://blogs.surfermag.com/office-blog/the-world-tour’s-next-stop-east-coast-usa-2/ and http://www.aspworldtour.com/ .

I guess the first major issue would be is the east coast a viable contest destination for that caliber of surfing.  It certainly can be. There are some serious beach breaks very comparable to France or Brazil two places that both host a World Tour contest.  There are reefs and point breaks up in the New England area that are more then able to produce world class waves on the right day.  The key word is “right day”.

The East Coast is fickle with a swell window that travels the wrong way making it very short.  Weather is tricky considering that your heaviest surf usually comes in the frigid late fall early winter time period and I don’t think the top 32 surfers in the world are about to don a 5/4/3 when they could be at a handful of other destinations with as good if not better quality.  That is a guarantee.

Why is the ASP entertaining such an idea then?  Let me be the first to say its not for the quality of waves, but the quality of the market.  Over the last four years the tour is constantly getting more commercial oriented moving away from the “Dream Tour” surfers once fought hard to achieve.  Face the facts the ASP is a business and so is professional surfing.  The more fans, the more t-shirts that get sold and the more money that is produced.

This is how the world works.  The east coast of the US is a huge market, a rich market and a stoked one.  Overall surfers on the east coast care way more about surfing and having the latest gadgets/paraphernalia then out here on the west coast and with all the down time between swells have more time to think about it.  Shit I know when I lived out there I bought all tons of useless crap and over priced clothing because I thought that was what a surfer was suppose to wear and do.

It was not till I moved out west where surfing became an everyday occurrence that I realized what a crock it all was and began wearing $3 dollar Kmart t-shirts if it meant more time surfing and less time working.  Take the Brazil event as a perfect example the last six years they have held it at Santa Catarina, Brazil, one of the most consistent waves in the country, yet this year they are moving it to Rio, a way worse wave location.  Rio is a way bigger venue, which will bring out more crowds and sell more advertising space.  Remember there was a time back in the 80’s when the ASP held a contest in a wave pool in the middle of Pennsylvania.

Where and when should this event take place?   To me the answer is obvious and should be held either the end of September or any time in October.  The water is still warm and at this point there are both Nor’easter swells and hurricane swells on offer.  As far as a location goes I think a mobile Hatteras or Outer Banks, North Carolina event would work the best.  Cape Hatteras Light House is arguably the most consistent spot on the East Coast and then there are also plenty of other options depending on swell and wind.

Certainly the beach breaks there as good as France.  During the time period I have mentioned it is very rare to go a week with out a decent wave.  I remember years where I would get ten to twelve days out there of straight surf at least chest high or better.  Out of all my travels it is still one of my favorites to visit and one of the entities I miss the most about leaving the east.

People would be stoked too.  No body loves surf stars like east coasters do.  I know I still get star struck when I see Dane Reynolds paddle out and blow up Emma Wood, an everyday thing around here.  I nearly fall over every time Slater or Tom Curren make everyone else look like kooks at Rincon.  It would definitely be a moneymaker and you know what that is why there are commercial sporting events in the first place; to make money.

I am all for a WT East Coast event.  I watched my favorite pros surf shitty waves at nearly every other venue on tour even some of the ones that were suppose to be all time.  Why not see them grovel in my old stomping grounds.

Hatteras. Good enough for the pros??????

You be the Judge.

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We Are All Fucked

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2010| 5 Comments »

Im pretty sure we have had this topic before but its definitely one that I have no problem revisiting.  But before we get into that yesterday I wrote a borderline non sequitur rant blog like we have not seen here in a long time, not since the early myspace.com days.  Back then I believe we had a rant blog at least once a week if not more.  I don’t really know what spurred it on except that I was looking at that Movember site and it got me very angry for no good reason.

I was faced with two choices either take my aggression out by beating my cat or writing a barely coherent rant blog.  For Alfie’s sake I chose the latter.  This week Nick the Kook ascends the ranks with the topic “What do I think about the current state of the US economy”.  Im not an economist by any means and you don’t have to worry about me being influenced by any third party media source considering I have not watched the news, read a newspaper or Magazine in more then four months.

What I spout is just from my own personal observations on things thus it will all be completely opinion based and therefore absolutely basis and far from a credible resource of any kind.  This is where I talk out my ass for the next few hundred words or so mostly about pure stupidity.  If you don’t want your IQ to drop a few points I would quit reading this now while you can still stare off into space with out drool coming out of your mouth.

First off I would like to say that I do believe that our economy is getting better (now that I have stated this the stock market is bound to rise fifty points on Monday, after all if Chris Lisanti from Surfingruinedmylife.net says things are getting better everyone will run out and invest.).  In all seriousness I think the worst is behind us for the time being.  I have noticed out here in SB alone a bunch more job openings, new stores and restaurants and an abundance of Japanese tourists.  If the Japo’s are shopping you know its going to be a good day in the books.

Second there is the state of our nearly bankrupt government.  Here in California we have had no money and been in a “crisis” situation for more then three years now.  I don’t really know what that means because the streets still get paved (with the exception of the 101 in between Ventura and Santa Barbara, that still looks like a fucking mine field), and all the other government bureaus seem to be getting along.  Certainly all those lazy good for nothing sacks of shit sitting at home watching reruns of “Full House” and Judge Judy all are still collecting their welfare checks.

Its funny cause when I don’t have any money in my bank account I cant continue to operate under my normal spending capacity.  As a matter of fact I just go with out any luxury and eat cold cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Governments must have some magic fairy dust they sprinkle and it creates a few billion bucks to fuck around with.  Like I said I don’t really have any factual information to back any of this up with and since Im not writing a research paper I  don’t care to look anything up.

Lastly what I would love to touch on, a reoccurring theme here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net is the perversely gross unequal distribution of wealth in the United States economy.  Currently the gap between the rich and the poor is at one of the highest differences in our history.  Every year inflation rages yet wages stay the same or climb at a fraction of the percent of what things costs.  I sit and watch as the price of gasoline goes up nearly every year by 60% yet Im lucky if I get a quarter raise every year.

The working class is not getting paid what they are worth or even what they need to survive, meanwhile the rich are sitting in their hot tubs eating caviar from their five million dollar house on the hill while deciding which two hundred thousand dollar car they will take to go out and spend eighty five dollars a plate for dinner.  Yet the people who’s blood, sweat and soul went into cooking that meal, building that house and assembling those cars can barely afford to drive to work to do such things.

Almost everyone I work with has to work two or three jobs just to survive.  How in a time when some have so much everyone else has to kill themselves just to survive?  Its because these rich bastards know that they can pinch us for little and that we are dumb enough to work for while they stack paper higher and faster then ever.  If minimum wage got raised to a fair level say $14 an hour, an actual decent amount for a person to live on I think things would run a lot smoother.

Now I know what your thinking, Chris is crazy our economy would fall apart if minimum wage was so high.  It would cost more for everything, but if everyone had more money, everyone on a whole could spend more.  Workers who are not exhausted from working so many extra jobs would be more productive.  Also lets tax the shit out of these wealthy tyrants.  If they can afford to buy a five million dollar home then they can afford to put more into the government.

While we are at it lets get more regular everyday people into the government.  Im tired of seeing everyone important in our government getting there because of which money monger scoundrel they cut a deal with to get there.  No wonder the best interest of the people is not taking into account.  We don’t count.  Face it if your income is less then half a million a year no one cares about you.

My brothers and sisters its time for a change and unfortunately I don’t believe this change is going to take place at an election both.  Its going to take place in the form of an uprising and one that is maybe not all that far off.  When it happens who’s side are you going to be on?  Your rich boss who does not give a shit whether its you working or someone he can get for a dollar less then you or your fellow worker struggling to keep his head above water just like you.  I will tell you one thing folks Im not a violent person but when the time comes I will rise to the occasion and help to set things right.  A new American Revolution is coming.

Why work when you can be entertained by Danny Tanner, Michelle and the gang?

Michelle knows things are fucked up "You got it dude"!

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Web Trafficking

Posted in Deep Thoughts, tagged , , , , , on November 15, 2010| 4 Comments »

Its been over two months now since the glorious inception of SurfingRuinedMyLife.net and in that time I have experienced a lot of growth in readership and overall hits.  Initially when I started this website I didnt know what to expect.  I left myspace.com as a result a steady decline in readership and overall stagnation of layout and censorship of content.  At first I enjoyed frequent visits and comments from close friends and my old loyal readers who made the move from myspace.com to here.

Then I, like Alexander the Great decided to go out and increase the bounds of my small internet territory and attempt to turn it into an empire.  This when I began using tags to draw hits from search engines and other various internet sources.  Even after such efforts new hits were few and far between, but lately I have been getting a ton of search engine traffic.  Unfortunately I dont know if my new readers are of the clientele I was looking for.  Then again its not my place to judge anyone.  Why dont you be judge here was the most popular searches that got people to my website in the last few days:

1. Diseased Virgina
2. Hymen
3. A midget with a real hairy ass
4. White Vaginas
5. Hymen Breaking Video
6. Dicks that go inside pussy
7. Fat Vaginas
8. Matt and Surfer and Rincon and Oxnard and Gay
9. Men Sucking Vaginas

Besides these gems of which I get about thirty variations of a day there is also the occasional hit for someone looking for a recipe or something surfing related.  But it is the above list that has me baffled.  This web site is not about vaginas or hymen.  I understand the midgets because that has definitely been and always will be a reoccurring theme here (if you missed that last midget blog it was pretty classic: Its a Small World After All).  The only post I had related to vaginas was Something Smells Fishy and that was more of a farce then pornographic.

What a let down it must be for someone when they type in “broken hymens” or “video of dicks going inside vaginas” and all they get is some shitty text based website with a picture of some guy who appears to be taking a shit on the home page and a picture of a cat drooling as the gravatar.  Then again if I was searching for porn I would not click on a link to a site called surfingruinedmylife.net.  Well maybe they liked what they saw and now I have a new following of perverts and degenerates.

Then again who am I kidding Im both these entities so this site is probably a consolation.  Consider it like a club for the eternally misunderstood. Who am I to deny anyone what they like.  Here is another stupid picture of me being a moron with a dumb face and another picture of my retarded cat being weird.  Thanks for reading my drivel, enjoy.

Yep I dont think I could have looked more stupidly absurd if I tried.

Neither could my cat

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I Had a Dream

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2010| 1 Comment »

Kooky Kyle after taking a brief UCB winner vacation quit sleeping on the job and claimed what I believe to be his fourth victory this quarter (it may be third I don’t really know, don’t ever count them till the end).  He asked if I have had any good dreams lately or if I dream at all.  This question pertaining to latent dreams of course as far as future dreams go I have given up on those altogether.

Truth be told I don’t have too many dreams at all or at least those I can remember.  Science claims that the human subconscious dreams pretty much the entire time we are in REM State and through out most of the night as well.  I have the long term memory of a chicken and the short term memory of a cat thus making me pretty much a step above being retarded.  If can barely remember anything while Im awake how can I possibly be able to remember what goes on while Im in slumber land?

Here are some typical dreams I do remember because they have been reoccurring in one form or another.  The foremost is car crash dreams.  I don’t know why but I always have dreams where I have been in a car crash, caused a car crash or just witnessed one happening but in most cases I am involved in the cause of the crash.  Dream analysts claim that such dreams are symbolic of how our psyche feels about what it is experiencing in waking life.  This makes sense considering my life has pretty much been a 29 year train wreck.

While we are on the car crash dream subject I would like to relay a pretty entertaining dream I had a week ago or so: John Mauriello and I worked for a Starbucks here in Santa Barbara, but our job there was to make sandwiches and cook lunch items.  We were shitty employees always coming in late, leaving early and mostly slaking off while there.  Our boss, the owner was this stingy Indian guy (when I say Indian I mean a person from India and not the tepee building ones) who always wore sweater vests and thought he was cool cause he loved hip-hop.  John and I also rented a garage apartment in his house.

The guy hated us but for whatever reason he did not fire us.  One day my old roommate Cory Kiesel showed up at our apartment in a white jacked up ford F-350 pick up truck telling us we had to go with him to the SB airport to pick up Rapper Heavy D and that him and Heavy D were going to LA to cut an album together.  We picked up Heavy D all blinged out with a grill, chains and fixings that go along with that description and headed back to the apartment.  Upon pulling into the apartment the breaks failed and we drove right into the living room of the house.

At first my boss was furious but when Heavy D stepped out into his living room dude was all chill.  Then over dinner he worked out a deal to manage the Cory/Heavy D act. Damn crafty Indians.  I think the dream went on from there but that is all I can remember.

Another set of dreams I experience regularly are falling dreams.  Apparently these dreams represent a sense of failure or feeling of inferiority.  Falling dreams can also represent a feeling of being overwhelmed or that your life is out of control.  Wow Im a mess.

I also on a regular basis have dreams about drowning as well.  Not really about drowning while surfing, just drowning in general.  Usually when one of these occurs I wake up gasping for air and sweating.   Turns out Drowning dreams represent a feeling of being overwhelmed or that you are feeling threatened.

Sometimes after a hard day at work I go to sleep and dream Im still there.  Like when I first started making pizzas at Westmont that entire week I dreamed of nothing but making pizzas all night long.  I have always had dreams that I was still at work even though I was home sleeping in my bed.

I occasionally have strong sexual dreams some so vivid that I actual wake up wondering if I had sex (no Im not talking about black outs).  Sexual dreams can symbolize the obvious or also occur at times when one needs a certain release from pent up tension.  I guess Im a basket case when one takes the time to analyze my dreams or the few that I can remember.  I can only imagine the shit I conjure up that I don’t recall.  Well fuck dreams maybe that is why Im an insomniac.  I’ll sleep when Im dead.

I dont know what kind of dream this would symbolize????!!!?

Im sure Heavy D knows whats up.

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A Great Loss to Surfing: Andy Irons 1978-2010

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , on November 4, 2010| 2 Comments »

The man and his larger then life image.

I got out of the water Tuesday night after a Hammonds nightmare session (see Surf Log for more details on that) only to find a text message from my boy JD back in NJ.  It read “Andy Irons Died”.  I did not believe it although considering the source there was no reason for him being a devoted AI fan himself to pull my leg.  Then I got like six more texts about it before I got home.  I ran home and checked surfline.com and sure enough Andy was dead from possibly Dengue Fever.  Read more on that here: http://www.surfline.com/surf-news/andy-irons-rip—three-time-world-champ-passes-away-surfing-world-in-shock_49481/.

I have never really been an Andy fan per say.  I respect his surfing ability and the perseverance it took to win three consecutive world titles.  One thing I have to give him credit for is that he did what he wanted.  While most guys on tour play the good politically correct role he said whatever was on his mind and always spoke the truth.  If the judges made a bullshit call he was the first to claim it.

The last few years he sort of fell into the background in surfing till recently when he accepted the WT wild card for 2010.  His performance on tour was less then stellar but he did manage a victory at this years Tahiti comp.  Personally I had nothing but negativity toward the guy mostly because the surfing media brain washed me to choose either the Slater camp or the Irons camp of which I chose the former.

For what its worth his loss saddened me.  No matter how I felt about his media portrayed persona AI was a surfer who loved to surf as much as possible just as I do.  Now he will never be able to surf upon this earth again.  He truly was a gifted surfer and one of surfing’s favorite sons.  He will be missed and his passing definitely leaves a hole in the surf world.  I think I will dedicate the remainder of my surf sessions in 2010 to Andy.

AI always went big.

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Its A Small World After All (UCB)

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , on October 29, 2010| 10 Comments »

This week Mauriello finds his way back on top with the UCB topic Midgets.  He further elaborates with have I ever touched a midget and would I like to.  If I had a son that was born a midget would I cut my losses and murder him?  Truth be told I was at first a little appalled by this topic finding it a bit inappropriate, a bit juvenile and overall stupid.

Then I remembered that all three of those entities are exactly what this blog thrives on.  If there are any little people out there or vertically challenged humanoids as the politically correct term for them, I do not mean to offend.  Its all in good fun.  Hate the game not the player.   Even though using the word midget is technically like using a certain “N” word when referring to people who came to America from Africa years ago, Im going to use it anyway for this blogs purposes.

First off let me just say that I find midgets to be extraordinary micro people of whose presence on this planet I find to be unrivaled by any.  I could sit around and watch them all day with their little arms and legs and their tiny clothes.  I think midgets should have their own little villages where only they can live but us big people could visit on occasion.  Sort of like an Indian reservation, but with out all the casinos and alcoholism although I guess if the wee men decided they wanted those things in their village it would be ok by me.

I would much rather it though if they set up a sort of shire type existence like in Lord of the Rings.  Those Hobbits were real fun loving people so why cant a village full midgets be the same way, but with out the hairy feet. That shit really nauseated me.  Hopefully they wont be as gay as Elijah Wood and that Sam guy were.  Fuck. I’m getting the hebbie jebbies just thinking about it.

Just Imagine getting to take a weekend getaway to midget town USA.  It would be like people who enjoy going out to Amish country to get away from it all and get great deals on hand made furniture.  I don’t really think midgets would be very good at making furniture due to obvious constraints in their physique but they could give hours of entertainment, especially if we make a law that says they have to dress up like great rolls played by movie midgets, such as the star wars characters, or Mini Me, or the Muppets (I know they were puppets but it would be great to go to a midget town where everyone was a Muppet).  That would be better then discounted furniture any day.

They could even have all midget sporting event leagues.  Imagine watching a midget football or hockey game, that would be classic.  As far as touching a midget, I have never had that pleasure, not sexually or just mutually like a handshake or hug.  I have never had the luck to meet a midget as an acquaintance.  Would I fuck a midget lady?  If she had all the goods I would do it.  They had this cute blond midget on an episode of Sienfeld once that I totally could have got down with.

As far as a midget child goes heck no I would not kill him. On the contrary I would have so much fun with that kid.  First off he would have to dress up in different costumes weekly.  Monday would be Ewok day, Friday Yoda day, Tuesday Froddo day, Wednesday he would just dress like a dog and crawl around on all fours.  The other days he could be whatever he wants but it would have to be some type of festive costume.  Also he would have to become skilled at juggling and other circus type tasks of entertainment so that I could have my own little carnival at home.  I could even loan him out to friends for parties and other fun events.  A world without midgets my friends would be a very sad place indeed.

This video clip from the movie “Being John Malckovich” pretty much gives you the idea of what Im talking about with a midget town

Who wouldnt want to have a beer with her?

Imagine a whole village of there guys!!!

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When We Become Food

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , on October 24, 2010| 11 Comments »

By now I think the word has gotten out in surf communities up and down California and around the US as well.  This past Friday 10/22/10 a surfer (well body boarder to be exact, not that it makes a difference) was attacked here in Santa Barbara County up at Surf Beach, a meager surfing out post up in the northern portion of the County, 30 miles or so north of point conception.  Im not going to talk of the particulars of the incident because I was not there and only know what I read similar to you.  If your interested in the particulars click here: http://www.surfline.com/surf-news/shark-attack-at-vandenberg–ucsb-surfer-loses-leg-and-dies-from-blood-loss_49145/.

 

For me and many of my surfing brethren up here in Santa Barbara this attack came as quite a shock and rude awakening.  Sure I have heard plenty of shark attack stories on the news, heard the second and third party exaggerated horror stories even gave my sympathies to Bethany Hamilton.  But overall it was all second hand smoke.  This one was very different.  Some one was taken in my own backyard at a surf spot that I on occasion surf.

 

Shit I almost went up north to surf that very day but at the last minute found out I had to go do ding work at J7 so I decided not to bother.  Never before in my life has an attack happened in the near vicinity to my personal surfing scope.  All I can say is it’s a heavy realization.  The men in gray suits are out there and you never know when they are going to strike.  I could become food just as much as the next schmoo.

 

Then I started thinking man Im never going to surf up at Surf Beach again.  Yet it is a key summer spot exposed to swell from all angles.  On further introspection I decided that yeah I probably will go back.  I have never lived my life in fear and I don’t intend to as of late.  As this crazy body boarder I met in Oz once said “I reckon mate if you get taken and live to tell about it you wont ever have to buy a beer again, and if you don’t well no worries then”.

Ahh good old surf beach, apparently there are angry locals both outside and inside the water.

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