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The Crystal Ball

July 23, 2011 by clisanti

This weeks UCB makes a victor of my boy Scotty B.  You have to watch out for those sleeping giants and back in the Myspace days Bees ran the show in the UCB franchise.  It seems we have a new challenger to the Kooky Kyle dynasty.  I thought for sure it was going to be a two way race between Kook and Kooky, but now a new contender has stepped up.  I must say I am rather amused by the whole UCB process, too much probably.

A New Proclamation

 Before I get into Scott’s topic I quickly wanted to make another UCB announcement.  This one is sort of a counter action to last weeks rule of 5: One can only make 5 UCB suggestions in a 7 day period (See the first two paragraphs of Pitching a Tent blog for a better explanation of the new rule).  Last week I wrote a really fun bonus UCB entitled You’re a Fucking Idiot, But So Am I in which I took ten one word topics from Nick the Kook and wrote ten short responses to them.

I did this sarcastically because I was angry about all the serial suggesting going on. It turns I wrote one of the better blogs and definitely one of the more amusing in a while.  As I result I am making a new blog rule: Once a month I will write a special double points UCB where I will take ten one word suggestions made by one reader and write ten short answers.  Everyone can submit one set of top ten topics a month and I will write about my favorite ten.  Read the above linked blog to fully understand.  I think it will be a ton of fun for all of us.

Now let us get back to Scott’s blog.  He proposed I write about my thoughts on surf forecasting.  I am almost sure I have touched on this subject more then once here, but redundancy is what makes America awesome!

The Double Edged Sword

 I love the advances in modern day surf forecasting.  As a premium member of surfline.com I can get a very accurate three day, an accurate five day, reliable seven day and a 14 day speculation.  For a surf addict like myself, I must admit I have become quite the frother again; it makes attempting to live in the non-surfing world a tad bit easier.  That being said my life is still planned out by the five day forecast and I still find that I’m reluctant to make any long range plans for fear of missing it, although I have gotten a lot better as far as blowing things and people off to surf.  But this is not about my onerous surf habit.

Thanks to the accuracy of forecasting today you can plan trips on the fly and know you are most likely not to be skunked.  I remember a few years back Sean McGrath and I pulled the trigger on a trip down to Puerto Rico after getting a favorable long range forecast and we scored some of the best Wilderness and Table Tops I have ever seen down there.  We did not quite get it as good as we were hoping, but it was a ton better then the times I just blindly went.

Of course there is the inaccuracy as well.  There are so many factors that effect quality to surf that I am amazed at how often they get it right.  I mean wind, tide, global currents, water temperature, air temperature, frontal systems, El Nino, La Nina, all these factors mess with a swell realizing its full potential at a certain location and on the other hand allow for other less likely swell events to pleasantly surprise.  That is what has always made surfing the true oxymoron both frustrating as hell and extraordinary.

Sure when Surfline.com is claiming for Tuesday to be the day of days and I clear my entire calendar out on that day and its two foot and onshore, I am more then disappointed.  Usually I am on the dunes at Ventura harbor kicking sand or at Rincon throwing rocks spouting more then a few displeasing to the ear four letter words.

Then there are those times when the opposite happens and I had expected very little, show up and score it.  Two weeks ago actually there was some local NW wind swell and west groundswell combo.  Surfline.com was calling flat for Rincon all weekend, as would be expected for the time of year.  As it turned out the place broke in the very legit chest to head range for three days (see the surflog for more details on that).  There was nobody there but the hardcore crew of people who check the place everyday no matter what.  This leads to the next and final topic.

The Fucking Hype!!!

 Remember a paragraph ago or so when I was talking about that epic Tuesday that I cleared my calendar out for.  Guess what?  I’m not the only person to have that idea.  The Internet is a highly traveled place and there are hundreds if not thousands of sites dedicated to letting everyone know when the surf is firing and where it will be on.  That being the case on that faithful Tuesday when I show up at the crack of dawn (ok, more like after 8ish.  I live in Santa Barbara and have to drive 45 minutes to surf on most occasions) I am not by myself, not even a little.

There will be a guaranteed grip of people looking to get their surf on.  It will be a grand melting pot of the surfing spectrum, the hard core, the pros, the kooks, the valley guys, the weekend warriors taking a day off for a change, photogs and everything in between.  We will all be out there enjoying the same blown out two foot surf.  Then on Wednesday when it was suppose to be down, the surf is sure to be six foot, offshore and barreling.  God bless the great advances in modern surf forecasting.

Forecast or not, the potential to score is out there. The question is what length are you willing to go to find it?

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Surfing, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Juliebifano.com

July 20, 2011 by clisanti

It seems everyone I know has blog these days or is in the process of setting one up.  I’m starting to not feel so special anymore.  Well I guess I well always be special in the retarded kid sort of way.  In the words of Bogie “We will always have the short bus”.  Alright that made absolutely no senses what so ever.  How many glasses of Australian Shiraz have a drank tonight?  Too many probably and I have not even gotten out the port yet.

Actually I would much rather have a nice glass of sherry but alas my frugal budget at the moment has forced for a serious cut back in my wine spending, thus no drinking sherry.  Its hard being a sophisticated alcoholic when your broke.  That reminds me look for a new segment coming soon called bottles I have killed this week and why.   Wow I’m a complete scatter brain this evening.  Back to the task at hand.

What was I talking about again?  Oh yeah that’s right, my friend and creative writer Julie Bifano’s new blog.  Jules is a great friend of mine and quite the woman for that matter.  I met her at this run down shit hole of a club called Q’s like five years ago.  The place was three floors of gnarl, two bars and a third floor pool lounge.  Wednesday thru Monday you would be hard pressed to find anyone besides Mexicans in there, but every Tuesday night  they hosted an 80’s dance party that would pack the place.

For whatever reason my old lurk partner in crime Brennan and I killed it every Tuesday night there.  I mean we were fucking pussy magnets.  It was not out of the question to meet multiple groups of woman through out the course of the night and they would come up to us!  It was astounding.  It was on one of these said nights that Julie and a friend of hers came up to us sitting  at a small raised cocktail table and said some bullshit line that made very little sense.

Julie invited us to go to this poetry night she was hosting over at this dive bar called Elsie’s.  We ended up showing up for a very entertaining literary evening.  Jules and I have been friends ever since.  Besides that she is a rather accomplished writer with a very modern spin on things.  She is someone who’s delineation of our society is sad, but true.  Unlike my blog where the content is solely the seemingly fictional yet true life adventures from Lisanti Land, her blog Juliebifano.com is a collection of  her personal original works of fiction in the form of short stories, poems, microfiction and other fun stuff.

I definitely get a kick out of reading her latest compendium.  Next time I string you out for days on end without any new content (even though the surflog gets updated everday, not that anyone bothers to read that.) because I am busy surfing or attempting to break the world record for the most times the act of masturbation can be performed in an 8 hour period, I strongly implore you visit Juliebifano.com and give it a read.  Who knows it may make you realize how imbecilic the shit you read here everyday is and ween you off this garbage.   When it comes down to it surfingruinedmylife.net is like a tall boy of PBR, while Juliebifano.com is more like a 1982 Rothschild finely aged to perfection.  Give it a read and help your brain for a change.

Ahh, PBR...The great American Beer.

Posted in Appalling Gnarl from the Net | Leave a Comment »

I Am Not A Whore

July 18, 2011 by clisanti

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog Im Calling Out to You.  The basic gist of that blog was to solicit funds for this theatre company here in Santa Barbara that I am currently working with called Proximity.  I am not going to reiterate what was mentioned the latter blog, you can click on the link above if your interested.  Instead I thought I would make one more plea to all of you for help.

Proximity is this nonprofit theatre group whose sole purpose is to perform high quality original shows that not only entertain but leave the audience with a thought provoking message, a message that may just help change perspectives and break down barriers.  More importantly we are a group committed to the avocation of the performing arts at no personal gain to ourselves besides the satisfaction of a job well done.  Everyone in the group is a super talented individual bringing his/her personal strengths and creative diversity to form an impervious unit.  Believe me all you need to do is see us in action and it will all become clear.  A picture is worth a thousand words after all.

If we are not in it for the money then why do we need it?  Unfortunately even if our time is free of cost other extenuating circumstances need paying for: rehearsal space, performance space, costumes, sets, and travel.   This summer we are putting on an original show called Shandy Wilkes written by talented NYC based play write Karina Richardson.  We will be taking the stage here in Santa Barbara at The Center Stage Theater From August 10-12th.  Immediately following the Santa Barbara shows Proximity shall be whisked away to New York City to perform Shandy Wilkes at the Robert Moss Theatre in the East Village from August 18-20th.

Why am I wasting your time?  Some of you have contributed already.  Let me be the first to thank my old friend, Sayreville bowl partner in crime and house party enthusiast Nick Kiefer for contributing to the cause.  He actually threw down the first day I wrote about my cause.  I also would like to thank my father Joseph Lisanti whom also made a very generous donation.  There all sorts of little incentives as well for different scales of donations, not that you need such motivation, but its always nice to get something in return for your kindness.

Proximity is a legit nonprofit organization meaning your donations are tax deductible.  If your looking to clear some heavy earnings with the IRS this year  for $10,000 we will credit you with director of the play.  Think how that would impress a date.  You take to the show, she opens the program and reads that you are the director.  She does not have to know you did nothing more then give $10,000.  You can just look into her eyes with an air of satisfaction and watch her melt right there in front of you. Trust me you will definitely get some that night.  For $1,500 you can name a character in the play.  Think of all the fun you can have with that, while helping out a great collection of artists.

Seriously there are over 3000 readers on this blog now and believe me I love each and every one of you, even the those I don’t know.  SurfingRuinedMyLife.net is my heart and soul.  It is me personified. My life out on the internet exposed to the public for all to read and be entertained, be it good or bad.  I don’t censor too much. When I’m hurting I write, when I’m happy I write, when I have crazy bizarre ideas I write.  If you have noticed the content here has gotten a thousand times better then it used to be.  That is because it takes me longer to compose a good coherent blog.

Here is what I am asking from everyone as a thanks Chris for giving me something fun to read all these years.  So far we at Proximity have raised just over $9000, but we still need another $11000.  I know we are all broke, but if everyone here just gave $1 dollar then that would $3000!!! If a few gave $5 or $10 then who knows what would happen.  I am going to up the ante even more for you folks.  Kick starter gives me a list of backers whom have donated.  It does not tell me how much you put into the pot, but if you end up on that list I will write a special blog just for you about anything you want.  Anything.  It could be a special recipe, a blast from the past, a drunken tale, a blog all about you, a fictional story about a hover cat.  You name it I scribe it.  I hope I have to write 3000 of these things.

Once again thank you Dad, Nick Kiefer, and even Nick the Kook for mentioning us on his blog staywet.net.  If you feel so compelled to help out click here to donate: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/kenurbina/proximitys-shandy-wilkes-in-sb-and-ny.  If you need help just let me know and I can walk you through it.  Oh and Kiefer don’t worry you will get your blog too, just let me know what you want it to be about.  I hope if you are in the New York or Santa Barbara area for any of the show dates you will come out to see the show!

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Posted in Music, News From Lisanti Land | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

“Change the World” T Pain

July 17, 2011 by clisanti

First off I want to let all the haters know up front I am not going ignore the Eric Clapton version, the original.  It will be posted at the end of the this blog.  Clapton is the man at the guitar.  I am a hip/hop guy and this version just really moves me, both physically and emotionally.  I mean seriously I can bust a foul move to this groove, plus M.J. gets down on the track and she is a full on diva.

More then anything I wanted to jot down a little bit about what this song means to me and the whole idea of actually changing the world.  I used to believe that it was impossible for one person to change the world and as a result always just passed the buck on to the next person. “I am just one man and the world is fucked anyway so who gives a shit”.  This was my mantra for the longest time.  I feel a bit different now.

I believe that we can all change the world individually, one person at a time, by showing our fellow man the same courtesy we ourselves would like to be shown.  “Do onto others as you would yourself”.  I spent way too many years being angry and miserable.  Now I try and smile as much as possible, don’t get me wrong its really hard to do, but “a smile can defeat a frown”.  I really do believe that.

Staying positive is important as well.  I just about spent the last thirty years thinking in the negative and you know what, when you give off those vibes you get them right back.  I have lived a blessed and beautiful life from day one.  Instead of dwelling on that and what I had, I spent the majority of my time always wanting more.   At the end of the day all it did was frustrate the hell out of me and make everyone around me miserable.

These days I make the most out of everything.  I try and appreciate the small things, like a remarkable sunset or the spectacular full moon we have gotten to enjoy the last few nights.  I give everyone around me the benefit of the doubt even if it comes around to bite me in the ass.  I try and listen to what others have to say and actually consider their point of view instead of my usual dismissal and insulting retorts.

All this sounds rather obvious, but think how rarely we consider these things in our busy, consumer-centric, generic society.  We are taught from day one that it is a kill or be killed world out there instead of live and let live.  All I am saying is that each and every one of us counts towards the greater good of our world.  Even if it is as small as holding the door for someone who has his hands full of packages or giving up your seat on the bus for an old lady.  Its those small kindnesses that become infectious and maybe those people whom you bestowed your kindness on will show it to the next person.

I am not saying I’m perfect.  I still regress every so often and do a thing or two I am not proud of.  It is our mistakes that make us human.  Perfection is boring.  As long as we learn from our misgivings then I feel it was not in vain.  I briefly wrote it in yesterday’s blog Your A Fucking Idiot, but So Am I that we if expect nothing but the very best in us then we can not go wrong.  I think that when we do that other people around us can feel that motivation and will strive for their personal best as well.  I know it works that way for me.

All I am trying to say is that I think I have been changing the world just a little bit one person at a time for a while now and have just never realized it.  It may have been adverse or positive. These days I am only shooting for the latter.  If we all put our efforts in a positive matter then just maybe we can turn shit around before we really are fucked.  That is just my two cents and probably just about all its worth as well.  I hope you enjoyed the song even if I just put you through 800 words of complete gibberish.  Below is the Eric Clapton version.

Posted in Groovin' High | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

You Are a Fucking Idiot, but So Am I

July 16, 2011 by clisanti

Alright, so I’m dropping a special UCB tonight.  I am also adding an amendment to the UCB rule book as a result of certain recent participants getting a bit out of hand with their suggestions.  I love all the enthusiasm but this is a little bit ridiculous.  Listen up everyone for now on you can only submit 5 UCB Topics in a seven-day period.  It will be seven days from your 5th posting.  For example if you post your 5th suggestion for the period on a Tuesday then you have to wait for that next Tuesday before you can throw down another suggestion.

 

If you break this rule then if I decide to use your UCB topic the points will go to whoever the previous week’s winner was.  So be weary of this and make those topics count cause I am tired of getting Christmas style lists of barely qualified topics.  You also run the risk of me showing up at your house with a sock full of pennies and beating the piss out of you.  With that out of the way Nick the Kook takes the win on a special edition of the UCB and earns 1 point. This is what happens when you throw down too many topics.

 

Here is the shopping list Kook presented me with:

1. hipsters
2. end of the world
3. sharting
4. clogging the toilet
5. pearl necklace
6. surfing really fucking cold water/conditions
7. 5 reasons why Florida sucks
8. worst song youve ever heard
9. the cost of printer ink
10. dumbest ucb that has won

I am going to answer each one of these topics in as concise an answer as possible thus taking them all off the market forever.

 

  1. Hipsters: I don’t really understand the current hipster trend and truth be told I also don’t give a shit about it either.  So they where stupid cloths that are two sizes too small, talk like morons, have bad facial hair and dumb hair cuts.  They also seldom get laid meaning more for me!  P.S.  when I wear jeans that tight every lady and queer in the room is staring at my junk, but those hipster guys must have some of the worlds smallest cocks cause they never have any bulge showing, not that I am a bird watcher, just stating a fact.

 

  1. End of The World:  Some people think the world is going to end in December of next year. I guess only time will tell.  I remember when the world was supposed to end ten years ago back in 1999 with all that y2k bull shit.  Guess what folks, we are still here.  All I can say on this one is that if you live everyday like its your last, take nothing for granted, cherish ever single moment and be the best you can possibly be then I would not worry about it.  Everyone is going to die.  The question is did they really live?

 

  1. Sharting:  Sharting is just plain fucking disgusting.  Everyone has done it at least once in his or her life.  It sucks and can be embarrassing at an inopportune moment, although I suppose there really is no good moment to have a shart happen. For those of you who are more dignified then my Jersey brethren a shart is when you fart and accidentally shit your pants instead.  It’s not a pretty sight.  I once knew this kid I surfed with called Shart because apparently he shit his pants at a party and threw his underwear in the bathroom garbage pail opting to go commando. Next day the kid’s mom of the house Shart was partying at found the nasty ass pair of draws.  He as been Shart ever since.

 

  1. Clogging The Toilet:  These just keep getting better.  I’m very glad for the invention of the toilet.  Before that people took piss and shits in either little bowls and dumped it outside or used a giant human litter box that was kept under the staircase on the first floor of the house.  One complaint I do have is that modern day toilets, especially those good for nothing low flow ones clog easy as hell.  I’m sorry but I only shit about once a day so when it goes down I fill the fucking bowl.  This usually leads to clogging.  Now in my house there is always a plunger right next to the toilet so if you get into said scenario you can get yourself out.  I have been in the homes of others where there was none to be found. Then I find myself pouring water from a cup into the tank to try and add more water pressure.  It becomes a nightmare.  Moral of the story: Keep a plunger in your bathroom or risk being left with a nasty floater. 

5. Pearl Necklace: Wow these are just literally going down the crapper, well not in the case of the last two or even this one for that matter.  I could be an old fart or a square and write about how I think pearls are very sexy when worn by a woman to accompany a formal gown. Alas I know that is not the pearl necklace Kook is talking about. Here is the Urban Dictionary definition of Pearl Necklace: the glorious culmination of tit-fucking, in which you blow your nuts out all over a girl’s tits, shoulders, neck, and, with any luck, chin. one of the highest expressions of love and affection bestowable upon a  woman by a man. I do not agree with this at all.  As a matter of fact I keep my semen to myself and have never blown a load on a chick in my entire life even if I was asked to.  I have too much respect for women in general to do such a feat even if she does not have enough self-respect to know any better.

  1. Surfing Really Cold Water/Conditions:  I grew up in such conditions and have scored some of the best sessions of my life on days most would not even think about coming out from under the covers.  That being said I moved out of that garbage almost five years ago and have not looked back since.  Give me the shitty cold, crowded blown out conditions of Central California any day.

 7. Worst Song I Have Ever Heard:  I don’t know, I have heard a ton of bad songs.  I would have to say just about anything country is the worst song I have ever heard.

 

  1. Five Reasons Florida Sucks:
  1. Rednecks
  2. Old People
  3. Mushy Waves
  4. Portuguese Men of War
  5. Midwestern tourists

 9.The Cost of Printer Ink:  Why is printer ink so expensive?  I mean its ink right.  I think it is because you have to buy those stupid cartridges.  Why cant we just open up a slot and pour in ink like typewriters used to be?  It is all a set up to jack us for more hard earned money.

 

10. Dumbest UCB That Has Ever Won:  I think we have a winner right here.  Congratulations Kook.  That was fucking exhausting.

These guys are sooo cool.

 

Four birds with one stone. Here we have a Florida redneck clogging a toilet after sharting his pants while giving his girlfriend a pearl necklace.

Posted in Anger, Surfing, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Asparagus Anise Papaya Salad

July 16, 2011 by clisanti

The taste of summer pronounced.

Asparagus Anise Papaya Salad

 The second installment in my summer Recipe D’Jour series is a great dish for picnics, light meals or as an appetizer.  This salad is rather easy to make and I feel it really brings out the tastes and smell of summer.  I served this up for an out door lunch about a week ago and it was most splendid.  The weather was gorgeous; clear sunny skys, 80 degrees F with a light breeze, who could ask for anything more?  With this Asparagus Anise Papaya Salad added to the mix it was pure dining perfection out on a raised veranda looking onto a charming courtyard with the relaxing sounds of a quaint little fountain at its center.  This fare was created to be served in the pulchritudinous of the outdoors.

 

Serving Size: 4
Total Cost: $14.00
Prep Time: 30-45 minutes

 

Ingredient List:

  • Dressing
    • Papaya Nectar – 1 cup
    • Vegetable Oil – 1/3 cup
    • Shallot – 2 tablespoons (minced)
    • Lime Juice – 1 ½ tablespoons
    • Macadamia Nuts – ½ cup (Chopped)
  • Salad
    • Olive Oil – 2 tablespoons
    • Garlic – 1 clove (minced)
    • Asparagus – 1 ½ lbs
    • Anise Bulbs – 2 (quartered)
    • Hawaiian Papaya – 2 (peeled, seeded, sliced)
    • Avocado – 4 (peeled, pitted, sliced)
    • Mixed Salad Greens – 1lb

 

Step 1: Make Dressing – Peel the papayas and cut in half.  Scoop out all seeds. After which scoop out remaining insides with a spoon and put into a bowl.  Mash up the inside with a bean masher.  Put into a small saucepan and add oil and shallots. Bring to boil. Then let simmer and reduce for around 6 minutes, while stirring constantly.  Simmer until you have a semi thick liquid, be sure not to over cook papaya nectar or your dressing will have a burnt taste to it.  Remove from heat and whisk in macadamia nuts, limejuice, salt and pepper to taste.

What your nectar reduction should look like

The finished dressing

 

 

Step 2: Grill Anise Bulbs and Asparagus – Fire up the BBQ.  Cut the anise bulbs into quarters, cut about a ¼ off the stems of the asparagus.  Dry rub in salt and pepper. Grill till both are adequately soft and slightly charred.

 

Your grilled vegetables

Step 3: Arrange the Salad – Cut the remaining papayas either into chunks or strips. I would recommend strips if you are making the plates, but chunks if you’re making the salad family style.  Peel and pit the avocados, then slice long ways.  Spread the salad greens equally around the base of the plate.  Next arrange the papaya, asparagus and avocado pieces in an alternating pattern.  Finally plate out two anise bulb quarters to each salad.  Drizzle dressing over it.

Posted in Recipe D'Jour | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Pitching A Tent

July 15, 2011 by clisanti

Tell me that does not look like the face of a happy camper? Circa 2006

A fresh quarter in the UCB franchise begins now. Yeah I know its fucking three weeks late into the game.  I’m sorry things have been crazy here in Lisanti Land, both good and bad.  Some amazing things have happened and there will be a blog about it soon.  It’s going to be a long one so bring your attention span.  This first UCB of the season makes of victor of Scotty B, who threw down the topic Camping.  Since I just got back from camping at San Onofre State Beach down in Orange County (see Orange County Can Keep Lowers blog) it seemed like the perfect topic to delve into.  Scotty gets 1.5 points for scoring this incipient blog.

 

I fucking hate camping.  Not even a little bit.  I would rather get hit across the shins with the metal end of a rusty shovel then sleep in a tent.  There is nothing mystical about it.  Its uncomfortable, always either too hot or too cold and for whatever reason more times then not I wake up with so much moisture around me I feel like I am in the rain forest.  The only time I can justify camping is if I am in the middle of nowhere at some beautiful far away outpost where no accommodation exists and the stain of man left far behind.

 

Otherwise you can keep that bullshit.  When I talk about camping a Winnabago does not count.  One can not call pulling up to a spot in the woods in a giant RV that is nicer then my apartment, with a satellite dish on the roof and full kitchen and restroom camping.  I don’t know what to call it.  Maybe just plain dumb.  I hate those fucking things, their bull shit.  You don’t know how many times I have almost been run off the road by some yahoo who has no idea how to drive something of that size?  Too many to count.

 

Unfortunately for a person who can’t stand camping I have spent way way way too many nights in tent sleeping on the ground in my life.  Between budget Hatteras trips, to making my money get me further while competing at pro events to feral surf trips.  Remember, most places will let you pitch a tent for $10 or less.  Shoots I am pitching a tent in my pants for free right now.  If you are really an intrepid soul you can always go off into the bush and squat somewhere in your tent for free.

 

Sindia and I almost did that in Oz along this sketch dirt road in the middle of a national forest there, but after setting up the tent and spending ten minutes we had thoughts of some psycho killer coming out and hacking us to pieces (that was before I wanted to get stabbed).  You want to know what camping means to me?  Aches and pains, dirty, stinky bathrooms, adverse experiences with bugs, out door cold water showers (if they even provide showers), dirt, ghetto cooking, sleep depravation, and usually sickness.  I am not an Indian. I like to have a roof and four walls over my head.

 

Call me a little prissy bitch.  I am sorry but I like to take long luxurious showers (I tap the hot water out 90% of the time), and prim myself.  I don’t like being dirty and there being mud and sand everywhere.  Most of all I like having a bed!  Fuck camping, I will be at the four seasons, although in my case the reality of the situation would be the Holiday Inn.

I think this says it all folks.

Another type of tent pitching.

Posted in Anger, User Choice BLog | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Orange County Can Keep Lowers

July 13, 2011 by clisanti

Picture perfect Lowers. Isn't it grand when things look good on paper?

Ahhh…summertime in Santa Barbara, what a great time to be here according to tour books and international visitors.  If you’re a surfer on the other hand summer it is all about hassle, especially if one decides to keep surfing through the season.  Sure there is the occasional short period wind swell day here and there, but for the bulk of the time the channel is a complete lake.  That is just how the tourists like it here on the “American Riviera”.

Best bet if you surf, go on an extended trip, crash at a friends pad for the season down in Orange or San Diego Counties or find another way to occupy your time.  For me summertime is all about surfing marginal waves for which I drive nearly forty miles each way to get.  There is nothing better then burning $5 a session in gas to go surf garbage.  Ok, its not that bad, I mean most of the time it is far better then what I would be surfing back in NJ this time of year.  I’m just jaded these days.  Five years in California will do that to a person, especially up here where beach breaks are scarce and good points and reefs the norm.

Usually by this time in the summer I have scored a good day at Malibu or Jalama, even a sick day or two at River Mouth.  This year unfortunately that has not been the case.  A good south swell was forecasted for early week and two opportunities for me to get some quality surf for a change presented themselves.  The first a boat trip out to the Channel Islands.  This was the one I really hoped would materialize, but just like that ranch connection that never comes through, it never happened.

Luckily my boy Kevin and his friends, Luis and Jeremy were eager to make the three hour trek south to Trestles just south of San Clemente.  For my non-surfing readers Trestles is one of the most famous surf spots in the United States and one of the top in the world as well.  It is considered by most the hot bed for progressive surfing in the continental US.  Anyone who is anyone has surfed the wave at some point in his/her life.  Its one of those places every serious surfer should visit before death.

Basically Trestles consists of a collection of coble stone reef breaks with in a ten mile span of beach.  Going north to south you have Cottons, a mushy left that can be fun on the right swell direction, wind and tide and usually has the least crowd factor.  Then there is Uppers a rather punchy right with the occasional closed out left that draws a sizable crowd being it is the closest break from the trail.  Following Uppers you have Lowers, the crown jewel of Trestles offering a 50-100 yard wally left and a 100-250+ yard right that although a bit softer allows for just about anything the imagination has in store when it comes to wave riding.

Lowers is always packed with everything form top pros, to hot up and coming groms, to kooks, long boarders and every type of surf tourist you can imagine.  That being said if you just get one or two good ones you will be more then satisfied.  After Lowers you will come to Middles, a collection of mainly closed out bowls that serve up on the right day some fun killable peaks and is a refreshing break from its always crowded counter parts.  The most discouraging thing about Middles is one has to watch lowers peel off perfectly in the distance, while surfing short ended closeouts.

Finally after middles you have Churches, a usually mushy and sectiony right hander more known for long boarding then anything else.  On the right day though the place can fire.  I surfed there about five years ago and it was solid overhead and dredging for easily 150 yards.

I used to fancy all the spots at Trestles, opting to surf Lowers as little as possible just to avoid the horrendous crowds.  These days being a Californian now and a seasoned Rincon aficionado I have become completely desensitized to stupid obnoxious crowds.  I always get my waves eventually anyway and would much rather catch fewer waves that are really good then a bunch of garbage any place else.

We showed up at Lowers Monday (7-11) and it was solid 6-8ft with bigger sets and to my surprise only had about twenty guys on it.  The wind was a little bit funky but there were still great left and rights coming in.  The lefts had more juice then the rights.  I went out there and absolutely frothed for three hours.  I have never surfed out at Lowers and pretty much had my pick of waves.  I mean there was still plenty of scraping and jostling to get the good ones but it was nowhere near as intense as usual.

I went in for lunch and hung out on the beach before paddling back out for the evening glass off session.  The tide had gotten a bit higher, but the surf filled in a little more and it was very clean.  Unfortunately the crowd came in with the tide and it got really shifty.  Between both those factors getting the good ones became very frustrating.  I did manage to snag one huge right I managed around eight turns on and two really fun lefts, one I stuck a crazy vertical tail free thing, where I came completely unglued on the re-entry yet somehow managed to recover and then get three more turns.  The last I had a solid ally-oop.  It was a good day of surfing.

After a double session and an entire day at the beach I was over Trestles and ready to come home.  My compadres unfortunately for me were still stoked.  I soon found myself in my least favorite situation: camping.  We got ourselves a plot over at San Onofre State Beach on the bluffs.  Luckily my boy Kevin had a two man tent and a queen size blow up mattress making the night more bearable.  The boys and I lit a solid camp fire (you know how much I love fire), talked some story, and ate a gigantic pizza made for us by this crazy skin head dude who was completely tattooed from head to toe at a local joint in San Clemente. The pie was surprisingly not bad or I was so hungry it did not matter.  I would bank on the latter.

Next morning thanks to certain lazy members of the group we got a super late start, getting to Lowers after ten.  We parked and walked up from San-O.  Let me give the reader a sound piece of advice: that is not the way to go.  The walk is ten times harder; being one has to trek across hot soft sand for an easy two hundred yards.  To our dismay Lowers was blown to shit and there were easily 75 guys on it, six cameras on the beach, wannabe pros and invidious colored wetsuits everywhere.

I did manage to run into my old photographer Dave Molleck as he was cruising.  It was nice to catch up with him after moving to New Port for more opportunity to make it as a surf photographer.  Not stoked I watched it for over an hour as the sun burned the fuck out of my skin (a fact I am not enjoying today). Finally Kevin and I forced ourselves to give it a go and by far it was the most demoralizing sessions ever.

I have not been in a shit fight for waves like that since last summer at Malibu.  It was a straight up battlefield out there.  I literally had to push a 14 year old hot headed grom off a wave.  I was already up on the left and he stood up to try and backdoor the right.  He yelled at me and I grabbed his arms and sent him off the back.  That was my first good wave out there.  When I was kid I would never challenge a person of higher rank then myself for a wave, alas times have changed.

After about and hour and a half the crowd died and I began getting some really good right-handers.  I had three in row where I banged out 6-10 solid turns.  I would have surfed another two hours but after two and half hours already I was completely strung out from the previous day and all the exhausting lineup jockeying.  As I was getting out Dane Reynolds showed up and absolutely destroyed the place.  I have surfed with Dane a bunch of times, but have never seen him surf Lowers.  The guy made every other surfer out there look like a kook and judging from my knowledge of his ability he was having an off session for him.

I was contemplating another session before cruising, but I was sun burnt, completely enervate and eager to get back up to the “Barb” by a decent hour.  Looking back I probably should have sucked it up and paddled.  This was the first time I had been back at Lowers in three years and I think I am good for another three years.  Give me a good day at Rincon any day.  Winter is coming!!!!!

The reality of surfing Lowers.

The reality of surfing Lowers.


LNF: Lowers Raid! from Lastnamefirst.tv on Vimeo.

 

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments »

The Commitment Cut

July 10, 2011 by clisanti

Well it all started or ended I should say two months ago (Read Bowing Out  and One Last Perfect Day blogs if you are a new reader.  To my old readers Im sorry for the constant relinks but I have recently picked up a bunch of new readers who missed what I would consider two of the best blogs I have ever written.).  Since as most of you know things here in Lisanti Land have been a bit dicey, somber and even a bit morbid at times.  That was my grieving process in action.  I went through  about two cups of sadness, a touch of anger, a bit of despair, a pinch self pernicious and 32 ounces of denial.

The denial really was the toughest part for me and the one that was most crippling.  I kept thinking she would come back and that I actually would take her back.  Why would I ever want to return to a situation so fucked up as the one I found myself in three months ago?  How could I have ever thought I could share the same air space with someone who could treat another human being, especially one whom she supposedly loved and who loved her back, so vile disgusts me now.

Monday was the big day for me, July 4th.  I celebrated out nations birthday and what would have been our two year anniversary finally unpacking the remainder of articles I had piled up in the corner of my room.  MY ROOM!  I hung all my old pictures on the walls, put up some new ones there was no room for when she lived in my home.  MY HOME!  MY LIFE!!!!  By doing this I accepted that fact of it being my life and no one else’s.  I did not only accept it I embraced it.  I was an amazing, great person before I met her and lived a beautiful life, which I enjoyed.  Now I am going to start living again.

I am through living in the past.  No, the life of Chris Lisanti exists in the present and the future looks bright, spectacular even.   There was one more integral thing I needed to do, something I have been thinking about for the past six months.  I wanted to cut my hair.  A new style for a new me.  A  drastic hair change for me is a huge step.  Keep in mind I have had the same hair style since I was 23.

I was ready to get the ball rolling about a month ago, but I needed to pick a style and then find a stylist I trusted and who would not charge me an arm and a leg.   My friend Pepper helped me narrow down a few possibilities using her 19 year old perspective.  Then my friend Jamie came through with a stylist, her stylist, Elyse.  Right from the get go I just knew this girl was going to be the one to create a wonderful new look for me.  She took the time to feel out my hair profile and then went to town.  If your in Santa Barbara and in need of a spectacular hair cut let me know and I will connect you with Elyse. She will do you right.

As she hacked off more and more hair I began to get very apprehensive and even a bit remorseful of my hasty decision.  When all was said and done and she combed it out for me I was grinning from ear to ear.  Not to float my own boat (who am I kidding I am the king of narcissism), but I looked incredible.  I gained a whole new sense of being and self confidence that comes with looking and felling good. I don’t know what is going to happen next and quite frankly I don’t care.  All I can say is that its going to be a damn fine time!

Looking all shaggy before the cut.

Ladies and Gentlemen I am proud to present the new Chris Lisanti. 🙂

Posted in Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Berry Apricot Tart

July 8, 2011 by clisanti

Berry Apricot Tart

Well we have not had a fresh recipe up here in quite some time.  All I can say is that writing, cooking and photographing the recipes is very time consuming.  Not to mention that sometimes I cook them anywhere from two to ten times.  I don’t post anything that I am not 100% confident on making myself.   To make up for it here is a recipe for a scrumptious dessert I just recently made on Monday.  Its very seasonal correct (Alice Waters would be proud).   After all what could be more summer like then an Apricot Berry Tart?

Serving Size: 6
Total Cost: $12.50
Prep Time: 45 minutes
Bake Time: 1hr  

Ingredient List:

  • Crust
    • Flour – 1 ½ cups
    • Sugar – ¼ tea spoon
    • Salt – pinch
    • Butter – 6 table spoons (3/4 stick)
    • Ice Water – 2 ½ table Spoons
  • Filling
    • Flour – 2 table spoons
    • Sugar – 4 table spoons
    • Apricots – 8 (Halved & Pitted)
    • Raspberries – 1 cup
    • Strawberries – 8 (Quartered)
    • Butter – 2 table spoons
    • Almonds – 2 table spoons (crumbed)

Step 1: Make The Dough for your crust – Combine the flour, salt and sugar, whisk together.  Add in the butter making sure you break it into little chunks and then work it into the flour mixture till you have little balls.  Pour in the ice water, adding it as needed to get desired conformity of the dough.  Remember it is better to slowly add the water because you cant take it out once it goes in.  If you do end up using too much water, just add a bit more flour.  Kneed dough with hands till you have a nice ball. Cover in plastic wrap and put in refrigerator anywhere from one hour and no more then 24.

This is what your crust dough should look like prior to rolling.

Step 2: Prep The Filling – Halve and pit the apricots and quarter the strawberries.  Preheat oven to 400 F.  In a bowl mix flour and 2 tablespoons of sugar

Your prepped fruit for the filling.

Step 3: Make the Tart – Roll out dough in a circle about 11” in diameter.  Put flour/sugar mixture from step 2 in center and spread out over dough leaving about an inch all around the perimeter. Arrange the apricot halves, cut side down.  Add the strawberries, cut side down.  Add the raspberries.  Pour three tablespoons of sugar over filling.  Fold crust around fruit.  Put in baking pan lined with parchment paper and bake in oven for total cooking time of 1 hour.  After the first ten minutes, melt 2 tablespoons of butter, pull out tart from oven and brush the melted butter around the crust.  Sprinkle sugar on crust, add crushed almonds on top and put back in oven for fifty minutes or until crust starts to brown.

Filling before folding up crust.

Ready go bake.

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