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Archive for the ‘Anger’ Category

The Challenges Life Presents

Posted in Anger, Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , on January 29, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Some days I wonder why I even get out of bed in the morning.  Things would be far better if I just stayed under my warm covers on my comfortable mattress with my cat sleeping at my feet.  Life would just be so much easier.   Yet every morning I drag myself out of bed and for the most part force myself to make the most of the meager sphere of influence I exist in.

Sure my life seems pretty simple to all of you sitting at home or in your cubicle reading my drivel to kill time or what have you.  Most people have responsibilities, a sense purpose or even just a need for a sense of purpose to keep them going.  I don’t have that.  I get up day in and day out, punch the clock for eight and half hours at a mindless job that a monkey could do if properly trained and sanitized.  Meanwhile over the past four years I have watched my sanity slowly slip away.  This is another entity I am very ok with.  A sane man in an insane world cannot be sane.

The majority view me as insane yet I view the majority and how they behave to be crazy.  Just like that I mentally dropped out of society.  The problem with living in your own world is the consequences of what happens when your fantasy world collides with the “real world”.  This is a terrible predicament I find myself constantly reliving over and over again.  Two steps forward followed by another ten steps back.  I am not going to lie most of, if not all of it is my own damn fault.  It took me thirty years of my life to finally take the blame for my own actions.

I am a bad decision maker.  Let me rephrase that.  I don’t think they are bad decisions they just don’t fall into line with those of the mainstream thus ultimately that difference of view I have on things makes them bad decisions.  One can always justify his own actions in his own mind after all.  From time to time these bad decisions come back to haunt me. It is for that reason I shall always be caught in the rapture of myself.

At the moment I sort of have a pile of bullshit suffocating me.  It is taking all of my physical, emotional and mental strength to keep on.  If I have not had much to say here I am sorry for that.  I have been advised that it would be very adverse to talk about what is going on in a public forum such as this.  For now I need to keep it all inside, which has never been healthy .  I promise that when everything is said and done I will elaborate in many, many words here.

Just know that I am fine and surviving.  This too will pass.  It is not for those in troubled times to remorse on how they got there, it is only for them to use the time they are given to do their best to persevere   What I will say is that I have not been hitting the bottle as a result of what is going on and nor have I been tempted to.  I think I crawled into a bottle long enough over the past two years and now that I have crawled out I am not about to fall back in.  I will try to keep writing my usual stuff here.  Just know that I have a lot on my plate at the moment and it is taking up the bulk of my concentration.  As always if your hard up I do update the surflog every day.

Yeah this pretty much describes how I feel at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I dont.

Yeah this pretty much describes how I feel at the moment, damned if I do, damned if I dont.

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A Month of Non Surfing Related Travel: September 2012 Surf Sessions in Review

Posted in Anger, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 26, 2012| 9 Comments »

I did mention there would be an abnormal amount of monthly recaps in the coming weeks courtesy of my laziness.  So September in December?  Well its better then a Christmas blog, don’t worry there were no arrests and no stabbings in Lisanti Land this year.  (see Christmas Dread Part I, Part II and Part III for more on that) As a matter of fact I did not even make it to the bar Christmas night.  Instead I ended up just falling asleep on my couch watching Seinfeld.  Very exciting stuff I know.

September is usually one of the better months for surfing in California.  Especially up here in the Ventura/Santa Barbara area.   All bets have been off this year considering it is by far one of the worst and strangest years of surfing I have ever experienced.  September did not disappoint in disappointing everyone.  There was a total of one NW swell that was the biggest let down since cheese in a can. One South swell I missed thanks to a non-surfing trip I took to Portland, Oregon for a family wedding and subsequent Vacation.  On said trip I managed to get myself into a family squabble impart because of a blog I wrote critiquing the wedding (see Portland Blogs: Part I, Part II, Part III and Part IV) and further proved to my parents what a fuck up I am.

There was one near epic day of crazy barrels at River Mouth that as far as I am concerned was the only worthy session of the whole month.  The city of Santa Barbara decided to close the Mesa Lane steps pretty much denying access to the only really consistently short board-able wave in town.  On top of all this I had to make a week long trip New Jersey for my sister’s wedding at the end of the month where I did manage among all the drinking to sneak in a couple of average surfs.  To continue with the theme of 2012 September was just another month of let downs and screw ups.  Here is how the numbers worked out:

Number of Surf Sessions: 19
Actual Days Surfed: 18
Total Time Spent in the Water: 31.5 hrs
Number of Waves Surfed: 531
Average Waves Caught Per Hour: 17

Spots Surfed:
New Jetty: 6
Emma Wood: 3
Santa Clara River Mouth: 2
The Pipe, Spring Lake, NJ: 2
Manasquan Inlet, Manasquan, NJ: 1
Riddle Way, Manasquan,  NJ: 1
Hollywood by the Sea: 1
Little Rincon: 1
Gold Coast: 1
Gudalupe Dunes: 1

Top 3 Surf Sessions (as per Surflog)

3) 9/12/12 AM Session: 2-3+ft, New Jetty
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 26
New Jetty is back baby.  I had heard rumors in my long hiatus from surfing that it was the case.   Then on Tuesday my friend Lindsay confirmed it.  I decided I would wake up and see for myself if it was true.  Expecting a lie and then a subsequent terrible Emma Wood session I climbed the dunes in low spirits.  Especially since the wind was whipping out of the west.  Sure enough I saw a set of chest high waves break off the jetty and just peel.  Stoked I called my boy Ryan and it was on.  The crowd was about eight strong but everyone was taking turns.  I was surfing really well although found that my lack of surfing had left me out of shape and struggling in the paddling department. Serves me right for nearly three weeks of drinking, partying and sloth.  After the session I went to the Ventura swap meet where I scored a boss ass lamp for my living room $15, an alarm clock $3, “Breakfast and Tiffany’s” and “The Young Frankenstein” $1 and Candide and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn $1.  What a score.  Then I had my dinner party which was ten strong including myself.  I served Chicken Parm over Linguine Rigati with garlic bread and stuffed apples for desert.  It was a fine evening.

2)  9/17/12 AM Session: 2-3+ft, Gold Coast
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves Surfed: 37
What a fun ass surf courtesy of more tropical action.  Its seems like all the best swells this summer were thanks to cyclones.  I started at Ventura harbor but it was all swampy with the tide at New Jetty and I could not judge River Mouth.  I had seen some good ones at Emma and went back there.  As I was checking Emma I noticed some decent looking lines coming in at Gold Coast, which loves these short period tropical swells.   I pulled up near the concrete retainer wall in the middle of the beach and picked a really fun peak.  For a change I was surfing incredible and the crowd was easy and fun as it usually is there.  Some how I pulled a front side submersible reverse.  I think I have only stuck maybe three of those in my entire life.  Nothing like a good day of surfing even if they are few an far between these days.

1) 9/26/12 AM Session: 5-7+ft, Santa Clara River Mouth
Time in Water: 3hrs
Waves Surfed: 40
Fucking barrel fest.  By far the biggest heaviest, most hallow day at the River Mouth of the season. I was a bit slow getting down this morning and very sore from all the surfing yesterday.  When I got up on the dunes I could not believe my eyes.  All I saw everywhere was spitting huge open tubes.  I almost fainted.  I ran back to the car, tore on my suit and joined the party.  I did not even do a turn till my 7th wave.  Everything was just a take off right into the pit.  Then the wind kind of got on it and made it a bit harder to get tubed but there were still plenty of heavy double ups that would let you in even if then did not let you out.  I had three where I was in a tube so big I could have drove a Mack truck through them.  Sooo fucking good.  It will make missing a week of solid swell while I am in shitty flat New Jersey tolerable at least.

The only really worthy session of September looked something like this only bigger!

The only really worthy session of September looked something like this only bigger!

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BBQ Sauce: October 2012 Surfing in Review

Posted in Anger, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 14, 2012| 3 Comments »

I am rather behind on my monthly surf reviews and with the end of the year coming I need to get them finished so I can compile my yearly stats. Wait, come to think of it I never actually compiled stats from Last year.  Maybe I will get around to it in 2013.  October held true to our current “Fall of My Malcontent” theme.  The waves for the most part were rather lack luster as was my motivation to surf it.  Couple that with a trip back to New Jersey where it was flat as usual, my Wild Cat party program, work, laziness, a small cash flow problem and an injury at the end of the month marked another all time low in my surfing participation.   I think in the stats I am going to factor in the number of nights I wasted at the Wild Cat as well. As usual here are the numbers.  And did I mention some jack ass threw BBQ sauce all over my car at Silver strand?  Go to love localism.

Number of Surf Sessions: 18
Actual Days Surfed: 16
Total Time Spent in the Water: 27 hours
Number of Waves Surfed: 454
Average Waves Caught Per Hour: 17

Spots Surfed:
Emma Wood: 9
New Jetty: 3
Santa Clara River Mouth:2
Rincon: 1
Silver Strand: 1
C Street: 1
Oxnard Shores: 1

Top 3 Surf Sessions (as per the Surflog)

3)10/12/12 AM Session: 2-3ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 1.5 hrs
Waves surfed: 33
I had a later then usual start this morning after a fun night of mild party at the Wild Cat with my boy Tim.  I heard the harbor was crowded and a bit walled plus there were two contests at C-street.  A stand up paddle contest and a kayak event!   Are you serious how absurd is that?  I cruised sea cliffs and ended up at Emma Wood.  At first it looked kind of meager, but it was not like I had any other option.  Turns out there were some really fun albeit inconsistent sets.  The conditions were perfect.  It was a splendid sunny day with visibility as far as the eyes could see.  I could see the islands with crystal clear opaqueness.  The water was Caribbean blue and it was so glassy that not a drop of water was out of place.  I ended up with a few tiny shacks, stuck a really nice ally-oop and was just surfing pretty decent over all.  What fun morning to make up for the terrible session I had yesterday courtesy of the crowd.

2)10/17/12 AM Session: 2-4ft, Emma Wood
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed: 37
What started out as an average over crowded high tide session at Emma turned into a full on froth fest for me.  My boy Pat met me up in order to buy my 5’11 Simon off me.   Its a great board and did me well.  It was my second most profitable board in contest winnings I ever owned.  Now its time with me has past and I could keep it around for nostalgia but I needed money so bye bye.  Of course I forgot the board at home showing up at Emma all empty handed.  To make up for my absentmindedness I decided to throw in one of my 4/3′s to sweeten the deal.  Plus the poor guy is wearing Swiss cheese at the moment and the suit was just collecting dust in my closet anyhow.  We paddled and it was glassy, fun and the crowd died off after the first hour.  Then I kept getting these sick little tubes and stuck a really gnarly backside air all tweaked.  There must have been a total of 9 cameras on the beach through out the entire session. Ridiculous, but I guess if a pro catches a wave and it was not on film it must not have happened.  Good times either way.

3)10/16/12 PM Session: 2-4+ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2hrs 15mins
Waves surfed: 17
Its officially point break season and that means its all about quality, not quantity.  Besides I may have only caught 17 waves but I probably did about 50 turns.  This was opening day for me although not for Rincon.  It was pretty flawless with a light crowd of just around 100.  Amazing session.  Read “Thank you Rincon” blog for more on the sess.

The face says it all about my feelings toward surfing in October

The face says it all about my feelings toward surfing in October

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Shame on Me: November 2012 Surfing in Review

Posted in Anger, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2012| 7 Comments »

Aboo Seinfeld

 

What can I say for myself in reference to my lack of surfing integrity for the duration of the month of November?  I think my friend Babu Bhatt has summed up my discontent above.  Then again it is still the “Fall of my Malcontent” till December 21st so fuck it.  There are a lot of factors I would like to help share the blame with me this month.  I am not passing the buck for I have always lived under the guise that we create our own destiny.  First I would like to thank Bacardi for coming out with Oakhurst their amazing version of spiced dark rum.  Nothing gets the night started like a rum and coke or two Lisanti style. 

While I am on that subject let me commend Albertson’s cause for whatever reason a handle of Bacardi is always at the affordable price of $18.99.  Fuck it has been on sale at that price for the last five years!!  I am glad that inflation has yet to turn its grubby paws on to alcohol.   When the world goes to shit and whether it happens on the 21st or not life as we know it is a very limited prospect, let there be plenty of booze to get us all through it.

Let me also bestow the bulk of my salutations on the Wild Cat.  Thanks for all the ridiculous nights of party, even the ones I can’t remember cause in all likely hood those were the best or worst depending on who I talk to.  Its funny how a pint glass or two full of rum and fire ball shots or two can do to change a person’s judgement.  I have an idea lets create a whiskey that tasks like candy.  Yeah that’s not going to cause any black outs.  My new friend Chris for always being as drunk or worse off then myself and my neighbor Griffen for not drinking allowing always for there to be a DD. Both these fun characters have helped up the ante.

All the party aside, which I believe it or not have gotten under control.  I choose whether or not I want to get fucked up and am completely cognizant of what I am doing.  At the moment that scene has filled a certain hole in my life and compared to last year at this time I must say things are much better and improving.

Early in the month I sustained a rather painful injury when I broke my pinky toe on my left foot while landing a frontside air reverse in the flats at Silver Strand.  To make matters worse some drunk bitch stepped on that same toe by mistake in high heels at the bar as I was trying to leave at last call.  The heel ended up ripping all the skin off the upper portion of the toe along with most of the nail.  As a result I was out of the water for a solid seven days of which there happened to be a small but adequate NW swell.

Finally mother nature decided to give up on us for the latter portion of November here in the 805.  If it wasn’t near flat conditions then it was crazy high tides, bad winds, cold mornings, fog and rain.  With my motivation to surf waning at the moment all that adversity did not help things any.  I must say as of press time I have been surfing a bunch more and am super stoked about it.  Here are the numbers for November and yes they are some of the poorest I have ever come across since I moved out of New Jersey.

Number Surf Sessions: 15
Actual Days Surfed: 14
Total Time Spend in the Water: 26hrs
Number of Waves Surfed: 348
Average Waves Caught Per Hour: 14

Spots Surfed:
Rincon: 5
Mesa Lane: 3
Emma Wood: 3
New Jetty: 1
Jalama: 1
Pitas: 1
Hammonds: 1

Top 3 Sessions (as per the surflog)

3) 11/21/12 AM Session: 2-4ft, Rincon
Time in Water: 2.5hrs
Waves Surfed: 26
My boy Trevor hit me up this am and wanted to car pool to New Jetty.  I hate showing up with another person, but it does fit into the rule of two and he is a carp-o local so I figured why not.  On the way we noticed there was way more west swell in the water then yesterday and checked Rincon. Turns out it was pretty solid although a bit wonky, with more bump and crumble then I would have liked.  We started in the cove where I banged out three solid ones.  I had one where I opened with a three foot gap air, landed cleanly on the other side of the peak then hit it top to bottom six times before sticking an air reverse to end it.  Then I went up top where it was bigger but way shifter, more sectiony and hard to line up.  Still I got a handful of gems before taking my last wave from low Indicator all the way to the highway.   My legs hurt so bad I could barely complete an end section floater.  There is more swell on the way!!! RINCON!

2) 11/24/12 AM Session: 2-4+ft, Jalama
Time in Water: 2hrs
Waves Surfed:23
Reports all looked rather small for the 805.  My boy Dave confirmed some poor looking New Jetty.  Conditions for Jalama looked decent and there was just enough SW and NW on the buoy to entice me.  Also I thought it would be a treat to take West up for a north county adventure.  Sure enough it turned out to be one of those beautiful days up there.  The air had to be 80, the water high 50′s and crystal clear azure, oil glass and some fun albeit drained out chest plus lefts and rights.  The crowd was super light.  In California to have decent waves to yourself on a nice Saturday during a holiday weekend is absurd.  It was a bit inconsistent but if you waited there were some good ones.  If I was solo I would have stuck around for an incoming session, but I figured I should take West into the Valley and show him some of the other treats SB has to offer.  Surprisingly he like Solvang which I think is the most tacky tourist trap in the area.  Then it was home where I served up some tasty egg plant parmigiana. All and all I must say it has bee a nice little “staycation” as a friend put it.

3) 11/22/12 PM Session: 3-4+ft, Mesa Lane
Time in Water: 1hr
Waves Surfed: 19
Wanting to get another surf in West and I cruised to Mesa and sure enough there were some really fun looking glassy bowls coming in all over the place.  Stoked we jumped in for the last hour of light.  I ended up frothing on it and got some really fun ones including a frontside tube that stoked me out.  After that it was Thanksgiving left overs for dinner followed by way to much booze and the Wild Cat.

With the WNW season in full force Rincon is finally starting to heat up.

With the WNW season in full force Rincon is finally starting to heat up.

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Hmm…How About a Power of Ten

Posted in Anger, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , on November 26, 2012| 6 Comments »

I know its been a while my friends.  I must confess I have been really busy doing absolutely nothing.  Sometimes that is what bogs me down the most.  My mind and emotions have sort of been rather scattered the last few weeks.  Between the destruction back home courtesy of Sandy (see “Speechless“), some interesting developments at work, my new plan to race the Iditarod, the worst fall season of surf after coming off the worst summer of surf we have seen here in the 805 in years and the usual bull shit I just have not been able to sit down and compose a formulated thought.

Believe me I have a bunch of half started blogs just waiting for me to sit down and finish them with the right frame of mind.  Kooky Kyle posted a great Power of Ten list that totally inspired me.  He gets the first 2 points of the Fall UCB quarter.

1)OTB: OTB stands for “off track betting” and it is the lowest of the low of legal gambling.  Basically they are at their best little clubs where people can bet on any type of racing going on that day including dog races in some venues.  At their worst they are little holes in the wall with a bullet proof glass counter for taking bets.  The clientele of an OTB are basically a collection of really sorry folk who have a serious gambling problem.  That being said some of the best Seinfeld episodes had scenes at the OTB and there is a great Richard Dreyfus movie called “Let it Ride” based on the horse race gambler’s life style.

2)A Free Case of Wine Every Week: I fucking wish.  Right now I spend way, way, way too much money on wine, being that I drink about a case a week.  I am talking a California case of six, not a dozen and always have help.  It would have to be good wine too.  I would really be pissed off if I was delivered a case of Charles Swab, Rex Goliath, Yellow Tail or Bare foot every week.  Yeah I am a pretentious prick although I prefer wine snob.

Just an average week here in Lisanti Land.

3)What if Prince Showed up at My Door as a Jehovah’s Witness?:  For starters I love when Jehovah witnesses show up at my house.  They are always good for at least an hour’s worth of entertainment.  Usually my course of action is to get them so fed up with what a piece of human trash I am that it is pointless to help me find salvation.  Last time one of those poor bastards spent nearly two hours with me and I think he was ready to cry by the time he walked out the door. If Prince showed up I would just make him sing “Wanna Be Your Lover” after which I would sign up and join in on the quest of the Jehovah witnesses.  Cause if its good enough for Prince then its good enough for me.

4)Why are the sous chefs the ones on top of everything and the chefs are usually fuck ups?: The goal of an aspiring chef whether in culinary school or starting at the bottom as a prep cook or garde manager is to one day become an executive chef at which point one can relinquish the bulk of the responsibility of running the actual kitchen to some other poor sap looking to move up in the world.  This slave to the kitchen is better known as the sous chef.  He is there  in order for the executive chef to have the freedom to better harness his creativity over the actual menu and organization of the kitchen.  If I were to ever open up my restaurant after I got things up and running I would look to train a very competent sous chef willing to kill himself so I would not have to.  Instead I could focus more on the actual product coming out of my kitchen, how customers view the place and that sort of thing.  I think mainly Exec chefs just get lazy when there is a very competent sous in the kitchen.  In respect to the sous he would rather not have the exec chef breathing down his neck all night either.  Its a give and take.  Fact of the matter is in most cases those “incompetent” chefs as you like to call them have paid their dues and are just reaping the benefits of such.   A good manager is smart enough to hire people  he knows can do the job to his standards with out constant supervision.  If I have to keep my eye on the sous all night then what was the point of having him?

5)What Country Parties the Hardest?: I don’t really know if I can be an authority on this although I have traveled extensively in my day.  I know every country I have been to I have partied pretty hard.   Then again I always seem to find a party in even the most unlikely of places.  Overall though I think the Aussies go pretty nuts.  Any time I am partying and someone is going absolutely bat shit crazy it’s usually is an Aussie.  Everyone has their moments though I am sure.  If Lisanti Land ever gets recognized by the the United Nations then I guess I would have to say it would be in contention.

6)Best Toast I Have Ever Heard: Its rare I hear any toasts that are not the same tired bull shit that is expected to be said.  Here at the Lisanti Palace I give a toast at just about every meal that is shared  between myself and anyone who is bold enough to join me.  Theses toasts can go anywhere from heart warming, to a brutal stroke to my narcissism, to nothing more then the usual gibberish that comes out of my mouth.  Two weeks ago my buddy Tim’s girl friend brought these two annoying hipster fucks to one of my Wednesday dinner parties.  This is fine cause I always enjoy new people at these shindigs.  Something about the two of them just rubbed me the wrong way from the get go.  Some body joked about who should say grace.  Being the arrogant, obnoxious prick that I am I stood up and said “we don’t say graced in my house cause I take no direct affiliation to any god and if we are going to say grace maybe it should be said to me since I maybe a type of god”.  Then I raised my glass.  My normal guest laughed at my insanity as always, the new comers stared at me appalled and my French-Belgium roommate had a look of fear in his eyes that could only be “how did I end up here?”.  Talk about creating an awkward situation.   Lucky in my house there is always plenty of alcohol to brighten up any uncomfortable scenario.

7)Favorite Thanksgiving Food: Considering Thanksgiving just passed and now that I don’t spend it with my paternal family it has really come into its own for me as a holiday.  For me it would have to be lasagna, yeah that’s right lasagna.  In an Italian family it doesn’t matter what the occasion there has to always be some type of pasta course. On Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember there was always lasagna.  To this day I uphold this family tradition.

8) Favorite SRML Avatar: Well I have to be honest my regular readers with the exception of Kiefer and myself it seems most of you just use the little monsters Word Press assigns to you.  I have to say Kiefer’s is pretty awesome.  Mine, well shit that a picture of Alfie all jacked up on an over dose of flea medication, pre-heroin days is classic

9) Is Parko Going to Win at Pipe: I don’t really know what to expect.  The ASP WCT has basically become as valid as professional wrestling where judging is concerned.  Historically we have seen Parko blow the title race more times then once at Pipe Line  then again he does surf the place rather well and has a pretty good track record for getting into the final rounds.  At this point the only guy who can stop him is Slater and I believe in order for that to happen Parko would need to go down before the quarters and Slater win the entire event.  Slater winning at Pipe is not out of the question. He seems more motivated this year in Hawaii then we have seen in a long time.   The reason why Parko is your current ratings leader is because he has been Mr. Consistent all season.  At this point my prediction is Slater will take Pipe but Parko will win the world title.  Like I said I have little faith in the ASP judges so your guess is as good as mine. Never discount the Champ, he comes out of a tube at around 1:34 in the video below that is absurd…

10) The Evolution of the Wild Cat: My tenure at the Wild Cat started in March 2008.  Back then it was pretty much a full on gay bar on some nights or a gnarly Mexican gang hang out on others.  Consequently being a homophobic New Jersey guy I stayed away.  My friend Julie brought my boy Brennan and I in there for a crazy night of partying.  It was then that we realized the potential of the place for partying and picking up chicks alike.  By mid 2009 I was going there pretty exclusively with the occasional stop at Sharkeez, Sand Bar, James Joyce and O’Malley’s because Corey was in love with the bar tender there.  I met Adrienne there in the summer of 2009 and ironically as a result of her my time at the Kitty was decreased to one night a week about twice a month.  By 2011 when we broke up and I returned to the Cat I was nearly forgotten by most of the regulars and staff.  Sara still tended bar there and remembered all the money Corey and I used to blow.  Amber was still working as a waitress, the entire security staff was basically the same and Sharon a bar tender I greased up a ton back in the day had just began working there again.  The place had become my comfort zone and I pretty much found myself there most nights of the week.  These days I am very well taken care of and one can find me at the Wild Cat any time I step out downtown which is always Friday through Sunday with occasional odd days mixed in for good measure.  It’s my Cheers, just bit more gnarly.  At the moment I have some really tight friends I roll with who have become my own little rat pack so to speak.  In the end I would really like to see my relationship with the Wild Cat dissolve into almost never.  For now it fills a certain void in my life and I will leave it at that.

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Speechless

Posted in Anger, Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on October 31, 2012| 7 Comments »

This was a giant wave pre-storm surge in Cape May, NJ at a spot called Poverty’s which can be a really fun shore break barrel on a strong Nor’Easter. Looks like it bit off a more then it chew here.

I woke up this morning, my little toe was three shades of purple and looking rather infected.  Surfing was out for me, probably for a few days, yet this was the least of my concerns.  All that was on my mind for the last two days has been the absolute destruction and devastation to my home town of Manasquan, New Jersey courtesy of Hurricane Sandy.  As much as I hate New Jersey and it’s seemingly reciprocal feelings towards me to see what has become of it has been rather heart breaking.

Then I consider all of my friends and family back there and what they must be going through actually having to live in what has seemingly become a third world country. I was on the phone with my sister last night who evacuated to Pennsylvania with her husband.  They went back up to Manasquan and basically found out that more then four feet of water had filled the first floor of one of our family homes.  The cats although a bit freaked out were safe.  Most of the furniture was destroyed, the wood floors, the carpets, the appliances, three cars all ruined.  At this point power is estimated to be out anywhere from 8-10 days and there is the possibility that the drinking water is no good.

I fielded a call from Kooky Kyle later in the evening who is scalping generators, batteries and other survival apparel, currently making a small fortune.  He is doing a good deed as well even if it comes at a cost premium to those in need. Supply and demand is the American way after all.  In his defense he called me to see if my family needed anything from him.  My parents are currently in Florida.  At the moment they are planning on staying at their home there till things get a little more stable in New Jersey.

This was once a street in the beach area of Manasquan…

At the moment it looks like Bosnia over there minus the civil unrest, although I have heard rampant looting has broken out at the shore causing residents to have to show proof of residence to even get to their own homes now.  My parent’s beach house in Manasquan as of right now we have not a clue.  From the few pictures and the little bit I have heard things are pretty bad up there with most parts of the island buried in anywhere from 8-20 feet of sand.  Their house sits on the narrowest part of the island and on an estuary that floods around the house on a regular full moon storm high tide.

The house with the brick steps that are all torn up used to be rented by a friend of mine when I was 16. I used to store a board and wettie over there so that whenever my mom would punish me and not let me surf I would tell her I had to stay after school for something, ride my bike to his house and go surf.

One can only assume the house took it on the chin pretty bad. It was built on a floating foundation to begin with.   At the moment access to the island is very limited and from what I hear just about not drive-able with out heavy equipment.  Some of the bridges are completely blocked by boats and debris.  I had a quiver of surfboards in the crawl space of that house.  Let me stress the word “had”.  My entire family is safe and from what I know all of my close friends as well and in the end that is all that matters anyway.

This is the Brielle Road draw bridge looking rather inaccessible.

Things are heavy over there to say the least.  It was not only my town that took things tough.  From video it looks like Long Beach Island was ravished, parts of it still under water.  Casino Pier in Seaside Heights has been just about entirely washed away.  What was once a venue of rides and amusements, not to mention one of the top surf spots in NJ has been reduced to a pile of sticks and rebar.  The Ocean Grove pier another surf spot I frequented is gone as well.  I sit here writing this at a loss.  Part of me wishes I was home attempting some help to those in need.  Then again I don’t live there anymore.

The remnants of the once grand Casino Pier, Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Yes that is a roller coaster in the ocean.

I suppose my heart will always be in New Jersey no matter how much I try to deny it and be Californian.  Its Halloween here today and everyone is getting hammered in costume yet again for about the eighth straight night in a row. With the exception of my few friends here from New Jersey not a single person even mentioned if things were all good back home to me.  Its 3000 miles away on a completely different coast so who cares right?  Well whenever there is a fire or earthquake here I get calls from most of my loved ones back in NJ to see if all is ok here.  Hey to each their own.  As for me at the moment I don’t feel very much like partying.

I wish all my friends and readers in New Jersey the best of luck.  Hang in there guys one thing about Jersey people we don’t take shit from anyone or anything.  I know you guys will rebuild bigger, better and stronger then ever.  To my surfing friends out there; We may have lost a few spots but I bet when things clear we most likely gained a few as well. The red cross has set up a relief effort fund for the havoc that has been unleashed on the Jersey shore.  If you feel so inclined every bit helps https://www.redcross.org/donate/index.jsp?donateStep=2&itemId=prod10002.

The closest house with the first floor buried in sand was the residence of my boy Cory and his girl Tagan. Hey guys if you need a break from all the bull you are always welcome here at the Lisanti Palace. Heck the Palace would not be in my possession if it was not for Cory.

*all photos borrowed from various internet sources.  For more pictures of the damage to Manasquan use this link: http://photos.nj.com/star-ledger/2012/10/devastation_along_manasquan_be_24.html

For pictures of the damage done to Point Pleasant, NJ use this link: http://nickjonesphoto.com/sandy.html

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New Season Same Old Sh!t: What the Summer of Alf Amounted to.

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Life, tagged , , , , , on October 8, 2012| 5 Comments »

I woke this morning on my little love seat still in my suit from last night’s Gay Prom at the Wild Cat covered in crumpled up nachos and a head ache that felt like someone shoved an ice pick through my ear.  Does this sound familiar?  That is pretty much what went down every night since Thursday.  I sometimes wonder what my shitty new roommate thinks of the pathetic mess I must look like when she is leaving for work at 8 am.  Then again she is a selfish bitch who just screwed me out a good deal of money leaving me literally broke so who fucking cares anyhow.  She is lucky I don’t hit her in the head with a mallet then piss in the hole I just smashed in her skull.  In all seriousness  I think I had $35.83 in my checking account last time I checked.

At 31 years old I expected so much more out of my life by now.  Well, maybe I hoped for more.  As we all know I am a bit of a pessimist and a cynic.  This being the case things probably have worked out exactly as I expected.   I’m divorced, penniless, juvenile, absolutely alone, stuck in a dead end job and a total and utter drunk.   I feel depressed, dejected, frustrated, confused and alienated.  At least I have my health and my beauty, yet one cannot beat father time.  They say the first step is to identify the problem.

Am I depressing you?  I’m sorry, here is a picture of a cat in a top hat to bring back up your spirits.  While we are at it lets go off on a momentary tangent on why top hats became unfashionable.  I mean they are dank as hell.  Look how dapper Mr. Peanut looks in his.  That’s it I am bringing it back.  I declare that this New Years Eve I am going to wear a top hat out and from there on in 2013.  The top hat revolution has begun.

And now back to the misery that is my life…

The Summer of Alf ended some time ago now.  It was a wonderfully splendid spring day back in May when I came up with this great list of positive changes I was going to make and things I was going to pursue in the blog “Of Things to Come“, which will be referenced here and then was later defined in “The Summer of Alf” blog.  If your a steady reader then you know I make these futile proclamation blogs every so often when I feel rather ambitious.  Always forgetting how it was ambition that brought MacBeth to ruin: ” I have no spur, To prick the sides of my intent, but only Vaulting ambition, which o’erleaps itself, And falls on th’other “.  Of course in the end I find myself more of a whiny bitch like Hamlet.

About a week ago I posted a poll on the most recent Power of Ten blog to see how  you folks thought the Summer of Alf worked out.  12.5% called it a flop, 25% a success and a whopping 62.5% claimed they had no idea why they wasted their time reading anything written on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  Let me tell you why you read: for self affirmation.  When you have a bad day or feel like a failure all you have to do is open a web browser, type http://www.surfingruinedmylife.net into it and you are guaranteed to feel better.  Its like “man I know I am messing up, but I wonder how bad Chris is blowing it right now”.  At the very worst you can see that you are not alone in your suffering.  We can cry together thanks to the world wide web and way too much time on our hands. Just because I don’t blog every day doesn’t mean I have not written some ridiculous thing in the Surf Log.

Lets see how I did on that list:

Proclamation 1: Get Back into Music

You ever notice how many pictures I have of me wearing this t-shirt. I have owned it for almost 7 years now. Fuck it has guns all over it making it pure awesomeness! I am going to be really sad when it goes thread bare and I end up using it as a rag to clean my toilet with.

Ok this one is sort of a push.  I actually spent a good deal of time woodshedding and getting my fingers back into shape.  I started ripping on some licks that had me very stoked.  These days I have been favoring my alto and soprano more then my tenor.  On the flip side of things I did not make any real attempt to play out at all and even turned down on more then one occasion a chance to perform.  My friend Meat Cat says it’s because I am a male diva.  No points…

Learn to Speak Italian
This was a fail.  But then again who the fuck was I kidding.  I barely speak English all that well and if not for spell check would be a complete illiterate.  What made me ever think I could brush up on my Italian?  I did pick up a bit more Spanish though.  -1 point

Go Surfing as Much as Possible
I am going to have to call this one a half success.  I did manage to make the most out of the meager conditions on offer and lack of swell.  I surfed mostly local, broke two boards and had some really good barrels. When it was flat I took to skim boarding for some exercise. On the down side I still missed a few too many days as a result of too much drinking and party. One thing is for sure when I did get in the water I had a hell of a good time.  Half point.

Read More books
I  somehow found the time to read three books in the duration of the Summer of Alf and acquired some new cook books that I cooked up some fun recipes from.  Thanks to strange late night drunken finds, thrift stores and the Ventura swap in all its jankyness my collection has grown immensely.  Win +1

Write More
Well I am going to have go with a push here.  I may not have wrote a ton, but I felt the quality of the text was much better then it ever has been.  I came across some blog randomly today and the guy was using cell phone short hand.  I was blown away.  One should never use “u” in place of “you” or “r” in place of “are” anywhere but on a cell phone text.  No wonder the world is falling apart.  No Points

Explore the Greater Santa Barbara Area
This one not so much.  I sort of had a routine and stuck to it all summer.  There was not much of the explorer in me.  -1 point.

Finish the Coffee Table
Nope, unless one is to include spilling a host of liquids and alcoholic beverages on it an improvement.  I guess I am slowly staining the top of the table with red wine and rum and cokes.  -1 point

Drink and Party Less

Big Pimpin’ at the Wild Cat


If you read the surf log then the answer to this one is apparent and no.  One thing I must say is that I partied really fucking hard.  As a matter of fact I think the night after I wrote this list I went out and got black out drunk.   The Summer of Alf brought about the largest number of black outs I have ever had in a four month period and maybe even my entire life.  I woke up in pink seat pants  not knowing where I was, woke up all over my apartment, got locked in my own bathroom.  Did countless activities I could have more or less lived with out.  I hit it hard on solstice, carried it through to fiesta.  There were some drunken Tuesdays in the mix and plenty of sloppy family dinner Wednesdays.  Lets just say I did the opposite here and went hard. -1-hey at least I did not get injured seriously or end up in jail.  Did I mention I also got fired from the produce market as a direct result of my drinking.  That is a first for me.

Other notables
I spent some time in San Francisco at the very start of the Summer of Alf.  You can read about those adventures in “Taking the Bay Area by Storm“.  I got fired from two jobs subsequently causing me to go on unemployment twice.   Alfie still has fleas.  I got passed up for Sous Chef at work for a less capable person who has barely been there three months let alone my three years.  I managed to do absolutely nothing of any substance or value and if anything went into a retrograde.  

My final take on the Summer of Alf was that it was a total and utter failure as per usual.  So be it.  If I succeeded in life then I most likely would not be the fun character I am to read about.  Who wants to read about happy things.  No one! Cause when things were going well for me I had the lowest readership ever.  I’m done trying for the fall.   Fall 2012 is going to be deemed “The Fall of My Malcontent”.

I am not making any proclamations, declarations or aspirations.  I am just going to live and see where that takes me.   My entire life I have always had a zest for living and an agitation for planing.  At the moment maybe that is what has brought me to this dismal point, too much planing.  For the next three months I am going to live by the seat of my pants, throw my chips into the air and see where they lye.

I am going to wake up everyday, take a deep breath and live.  No regrets, no cares, no worries cause what ever happens is going to happen and in the end it will sort itself out regardless.  For the record “I was perceptive,  I always know when someone is uncomfortable at a party”.

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Insert Foot in Mouth

Posted in Anger, Life, tagged , , , on October 3, 2012| Leave a Comment »

“The moral life of man forms part of the subject matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium.”

“No artist has ethical sympathies.  An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.”

“Vice and Virtue are to the artist materials for an art.”

“All art is at once surface and symbol.  Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.  Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.  It is the spectator, and not life that art really mirrors.  Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex and vital.  When critics disagree the artist is in accord with himself.”

“We can forgive a man for making a useful thing.  The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.”

-Oscar Wilde, 1891-

It is not easy to be different.  Some choose to be, others had no choice, it was made for them at their inception into this universe.  The moment one realizes he is different a certain division becomes made between him and his fellow man.  A certain alienation is almost guaranteed. These differences shape one’s life.  At the beginning when everyone knows no prejudice against the abnormal and there is no problem.  As the years pass and eyes are opened the exceptional find themselves at times complete outcasts among their peers.

When I reached this climax I did not know any other way to react then to out lash with fits of uncontrollable anger.  I was consumed for over twenty six years of my life with the terrible emotion.  Then I began to slowly reel things in and get a grip of my own emotion.  Finally I created my own fantasy world, Lisanti Land.  That was when I knew I had finally gone off the deep end.  It was in this pseudo world I designed for myself to live in peace that I finally discovered how wonderful the world around me actual is.

It was as if I awoke from a comma and everyday I have found myself in constant amazement of the world around me.  I thought of this as I watched the sun slowly set over the ocean tonight to the peaceful sounds of waves breaking in front of me and water trickling down the cliffs behind me.  It is for moments like that I truly live. Not for all the other bullshit, money, clothes, nice apartment, car etc.  Life is about the beauty of the world around us.  Life is bigger then human society.

For me living has become a fine art.  My canvas the physical and metaphysical world.  My medium time.  For me time does not exist.  I feel it passing, but have no care for its concept.  I don’t care how long something is suppose to take according to requisite.  I care how long it will take me to do it right and get the most I can out of it.  Being skilled in the art of living I have tailored my own life, every detail of it important.  For me these days detail means everything.  Forget the big picture its all about the finite cause that is the only place where beauty and perfection can be found.

Unfortunately every now and again I have to get my passport stamped and leave Lisanti Land for the real world.  When that happens more times then not it is a catastrophe.   A few weeks ago I went up to Portland Oregon to attend my cousin’s wedding.  I was very excited for the whole thing to be honest.  I had not seen my cousin in nearly five years, maybe more to tell you the truth.  I thought man it will be fun to chill with my boy and his girl.  Get to know both of them.  Upon arriving that was not the case at all.

I always over romanticize what the real world is all about ultimately letting myself down.  As a result I believe I attended the wedding with a bad taste in my mouth.  Instead of doing the classy thing and letting it all end there in the pacific northwest I instead decided to write a somewhat nasty blog on the whole ordeal.  Thinking like Chaucer I would “immortalize the scoundrels for all of eternity in literature”.  This I did in the third part of my Portland series.

I would later find out by doing this I caused a riff in my own family and worse then that almost ruined the wedding of my dear beloved sister.  Apparently because my words were so hurtful an entire side of the family decided they were going to make my sister, who has never had a sinister thought about anyone in her entire life, pay for my mouth, my cynicism. Instead of going to the source, me, they felt it was better to hurt the closest people to me.  Payback is a bitch I guess.

So to my cousin Rich I do full heartily apologize if I was the cause of an emotional distress for both my actions at your wedding and my review there after.  It was done foolishly and hastily, but mostly classless, which I am the most ashamed of.  I made some jests on style preferences.   Who am I to comment on style?  I am not an expert in fashion, although rather fashionable myself.  I am not a designer.  Only an expert in the field should be aloud to comment on such.  I was no more then a mere naivete observer.

I made a comment on beauty, which once again is in the eye of the beholder and was with out a doubt a cheap shot of my own for gain of nothing.  What a psycho I must be.  Where I will not make any excuse for though is in the cuisine.  This just happens to be a topic I am an expert in and a professional thus giving me the right to comment on my own fellow colleges.  This does not and should not effect the host for you sir did not prepare the food and unless a background in culinary was possessed would go unnoticed to only the most stout.

All I can say is that you were insulted by the guy who got hammered and made a complete ass of himself at the night in question.  While you sit there with your new bride in all of your happiness I sit here alone with my bottle and angry cat in front of my computer.  If anything call it a jealous attack cause not everyone can be as lucky as some.  I really do wish you two the best.  I am sorry if I caused you any pain.  Let me carry all the pain for the three of us.  It suites me best I think.

Urban Adventuring Around Portland: Portland Part III has been rewritten.  I believe this is only the second retraction I have ever printed here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net, my blog.  I rarely make apologies for my actions.  It is against everything I stand for.  One thing I must thank everyone for is that I now have no need to ever come back to New Jersey again until my sister and her husband have a baby.  I am personally excommunicating myself from any family functions from here on in order to make sure no more embarrassments of this kind shall ever take place again.

Sorry for being me…

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Lemonade Out of Lemons

Posted in Anger, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on September 11, 2012| 4 Comments »

Jalama when its not pathetic

I thought I would take a brief break from the Pacific Northwest saga and write about the ten hour retard mission I went on today in search of ride-able surf.  In case you were teetering on the edge of your seat for the very exciting conclusion don’t fall off, you will just have to wait.  Part four may just be the best of the whole darn thing.  That whole trip was sort of the cause of today’s events.

Before leaving for Portland there had been in a serious drought of surf  here in the 805.  The summer was atrocious as it was and then the last few weeks of August just gave up on us all together.  At the time I was working like crazy at Westmont helping our very short staffed kitchen keep running.  Every time I leave town one can bet his life on the fact that there will be waves.  Holding true to this theorem before leaving all the forecasts were calling for a solid little south swell to hit California.

A lot of fucking good that did me in Portland.  At least my friends were going to score.  Its one thing to miss a week of surf if there has been swell, but its quite another when you cant even remember the last time you paddled.  I took it like a good sport, a very rare feat for me.  I figured when I got back it would be September all the weather folk are predicting a return of El Nino.  No worries there will be plenty of surf.

Well I watched the swell materialize from my computer in Portland, peak and die.  Then I looked at a forecast as far as the 14 day out look and it showed no better then 1-2ft.  At that point I may have screamed a few profanities while smacking the wall with the sole of my shoe.  Things were looking grim.  I need to surf.  It’s  not a hobby for me but a necessity of life similar to that of breathing air.  For me there are only two modes of action, surf mode and non-surf mode.

Surf mode is chill.  I wake up every morning and find some waves to shred before work and my days are spent for the most part mellow and stoked.  I mean sure there are some frustrating sessions and still a bit of drinking and partying but overall I feel really good and that I have a reason for living.  Then there is non-surf mode.  This kicks in after I have not surfed for a period of more then 5 days.

Non-surf mode for me is the complete absence of enjoyment out of life.  I become a zombie just going through the motions of my everyday not caring.  I feel out of shape and very lackadaisical.  My mood becomes somber.  I drink more and the partying gets out of hand.  By 8-10 days I barely remember what surfing is all about.  I sleep till the absolute last moment I can before work then come home and pass out after work.  I become a total ball of dog shit.

That was exactly where I found myself when I woke up Monday morning, dog shit.  A solution needed to be formulated to this downward spiral I was falling into.  I checked all the forecasts for all of California.  It looked as though Jalama might be the call with favorable looking wind conditions and some NW wind swell.  Monday night I called a few of my surfing cohorts to see who would be the lucky passenger on my excursion up north.

First one to respond gets the seat in my car since whenever I got up north I strictly follow the rule of two.  My boy Kevin Angers jumped at the chance with in minutes.  Then towards evening he unexpectantly dropped out leaving me in a scramble to find a number two.  North county is shark country and if you bring a buddy at least you cut your chances of being munched on in half or have someone around to witness your death.   I always tell my friends if I get eaten feel free to loot my life, just make an anonymous call to my parents to let them know I have perished.

“Hi Mr and Mrs Lisanti you don’t know me but your son Chris has been eaten by a great white.  Too bad, so sad.  But remember he is not really gone if we find a way to remember him.  I am doing that by taking all his stuff, keeping what I like then selling the rest on craigslist.  Bye now.””

I hit up this dude Pat who used to go to college with both Nick the Kook and Alex No Friends back in Melbourne Florida. Turns out he recently moved to Port Hueneme in Oxnard County.  He hit me up a few weeks ago for the skinny on the surf scene and as usual I was happy to oblige.  Anyone who wants to come move up here and suffer through terrible surfing 90% of the time is more then welcome to my advice, which is always “Have you considered moving some place else”.  Never being up that far north he was stoked to go.

We convened at the Lisanti Palace  at 6am and cruised northward with high spirits and lots of stoke. I love the drive up there it is very peaceful going through Gaviota and then onto route 1 through the ranch.   Then you turn off onto the Jalama road which is this twisting snake of fun banked turns with cliffs and rolling hills.  It is very scenic.  When we got in sight of the ocean it was offshore and from up on the bluff looked around chest to head high.  Stoked we drove into the camp ground and got ready for the walk to cracks.

It was not until we started walking that we realized that a vantage up high usually will tell you a lie.  All we kept seeing was knee to waist high G.I. Joe waves with a crowd of twelve on one peak with poor shape.  We sat down on a piece of drift wood to contemplate our current situation.  I had to surf.  Besides the long over due need for a score it was 9/11 and I have always surfed on 9/11 including the day it all went down.  It has been a standard for me.  If the entire world is falling apart and all is going to end I want to be out in the water when it all goes down.

I decided the best course of action courtesy of more miss information from Surfline.com was to run up to Surf Beach.  I think they should send a check for $2 to anyone who writes them that they got screwed by a poorly produced forecast.  Surf beach is more exposed to open ocean swell, but also to wind as well.  I was desperate and Pat was game so we cruised.

When we arrived at Surf Beach it looked really fun actually, by Surf Beach standards of course.  There was no one out for scale but having spent a number of surfs out there now I assumed it was over head.  Why was there no one out you ask?  Surf Beach is fucking closed till September 30th as a result of too many violations of the beach rules set by the Air Force since the spot is technically on their property.  As it turns out 50 infractions is the magic number to close the place down.

At this point I had just about lost it and was ready to have a freak out Lisanti style.  Then I remembered that Pat is new to Lisanti Land and may not be able to handle such a scene.  I took a few deep breaths while pacing in circles around the parking lot.  I was up the creek with out a paddle.  I opened the trunk of my car and pulled out my leash as I scanned the parking lot for a spot high and strong enough to hang myself from.  The light at the far end of the train station looked more then adequate.

As I was constructing a noose it hit me, what about further north?  There was Pismo but a surf there was about as bad if not worse then not surfing at all.  Then I thought back to the protests against the county charging for parking at select beach parks and there was a place just outside of Guadalupe that was on that list.  I though heck if there was a beach there why wouldn’t there be waves.  Killing myself would have to wait about 30 minutes till we got there.  Guadalupe is know for its giant dunes so I figured at the very worst I could try and bury myself alive.

We traversed this sketchy little road through the dunes before coming out to the ocean where to our pleasant surprise there were waves.  It was not perfect.  There was a slight texture on it and it looked a bit shifty and hard to read.  There were two guys leaving as we were pulling up.  After all that effort you can bet your ass we were suited up and were in the water in no time flat. I just got a new Excel 4/3 for a steal off the internet and was warm as hell.  Pat on the other hand had this very old O’Neill that looked like Swiss cheese.

We got out there and right off that bat I had a nice right.  I felt very rusty and out of shape the entire session.  For three hours we traded waves in the very tricky conditions stoked.  It was far from good by any means but when you have been wave starved as long as I have or come from Florida like Pat it was good enough.   There were some really fun sections.  We had an entire line up to ourselves, a pod of dolphins decided to join us for a bit.  The seals even seemed to be chilling. It was not the score I had intended, but I definitely made lemonade out of lemons.

Fuck surfing I’m over it.  I think this is the new course my life is going take.  I am going Gangnam Style, whooot!:

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Living as a Junkie

Posted in Anger, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , on August 17, 2012| 27 Comments »

I’m an addict and I’m strung out.  Its been one bad fix after another for me and at this point I am at my wits end.  I have paid dearly for this bad habit for the better share of my life. The worst part is 90% of the time all my efforts go to scoring deplorable dope a best. There was a time when I thought I had a chance at beating this illicit action and even had it well at bey and under my control.  Now I realize I am beyond hope and will suffer at my own lack of self control for the entirety of my existence.

I have known others through out my life with the same affliction and watched such destroy them as it has been slowly destroying me.  I have seen others successfully enhance their problem so that they could make the most of their self indulgence.  What am I talking about my friends? Is it my alcohol problem, I really wish that was the case.  That is something I have always been able to control.  I am talking about my surfing problem.

I get plenty of emails and messages asking why surfing ruined my life.  The answer I always give is that surfing ruins your life when it becomes your life, your main purpose for waking up in the morning.  When you get to this point your life as a citizen of our current social structure ends and your life as a surfer begins.  Tons of people claim they surf and that they are a surfer, but until you have blown off some of life’s most important happenings to ride 2ft wind blown close outs or cashed out on your entire known existence to move half way across the world in pursuit of a wave that has a name you can’t even pronounce your just a dabbler.

Is it worth giving up everything you know for this everyday?

I surf close to 7 days a week and have put myself in a situation where I can surf every day if I really want to.  Those few days a month when I don’t surf I hate myself all day for it.  Don’t believe me peruse the surflog section of this site.  Most surf addicts are in the same boat as myself.  I will even give an honorable mention to guys who although may not get to surf everyday have put themselves into a position that they can and won’t ever miss a fun day.  It is very understandable if you have a wife, kids, house and full time job necessary to support the latter that it is not practical to blow off responsibility for 2ft blown out crap.  Those guys have a schedule to keep and for the most part have done a stellar job to make surfing a part of that schedule.

A few days I posted a surfing blog and a positive one at that, “Better then Sex“.  This blog epitomized the true essence of what surfing is all about.  Its propaganda like this that has the masses stoked on getting into flopping around on a piece of foam.  It fuels, magazines, websites (this is loosely one of them), movies, television,  surf camps, surf schools, surfing resorts and as a direct result surfing is more popular and profitable then it ever has been even in a current period of fiscal recession.  Out of this giant “surfing” population it is only maybe 10%  who are truly addicted, 5% who have given up having a “regular” life for it and 1% who have given up everything in pursuit of the perfect wave everyday for the rest of their lives.

I fall into the 5%.  I need to surf everyday and have like I said structured my life through many series of pain, heart ache and tireless frustration in order to accomplish this.  I have also caused similar to plenty of loved ones and great friends on my journey.  In all truth I really don’t have any friends.  One cannot count on a person who’s entire life is based and planned around a 5 day forecast.  Sure there are as far out as 14-day forecasts but those who are really serious know only the five day can be trusted.  For the last 12 years my life has revolved around the 5-day surf forecast.  At first friends, family, women I have cared about find this intriguing, attractive, even entertaining, but when reality sets in and they realize its not a sport, instead a way of life, a tragic one at that.  Those same allies sooner or later give up.  Just like you would on a hard drug user who won’t quit.

I have begged, burrowed, hustled, stole, lied and cheated in order to keep getting my fix.  When things are good and the surf is pumping us addicts are stoked and awesome people to be around.  When it begins to falter and conditions meager our attitudes change very fast.  Instead of that happy go lucky perpetually stoked individual all the propaganda portrays you have a cranky, frustrated, irritable, aggressive, and ultimately depressed entity  that is a far cry from the advertisements that got one to buy a surf board and wet suit in the first place.

As stoked as I was on Saturday with near epic River Mouth is as let down I have been since.  Following that session of amazing proportions I have surfed nothing even remotely worth the price of admission.  There have been bad winds, even worse tides, terrible swell angles and poor periods.  To make matters worse add in the regular problems and stress of the everyday grind and things become unsettling really fast.  I lost my job, my roommate, can’t keep a girl, summer traffic has been worse then ever thanks to a new highway expansion project that is going to make my life miserable until 2015. By the time that date comes the population will have doubled and the traffic as well thus making the road work to be completely obsolete.  There is nothing worse then sitting in traffic for 2 hours to get to a surf spot that should have taken 20 minutes only for it to be over crowded and 2ft and windy.

Throw in a host of new surfers, both beginners and intermediate.  Its those average “I surf a few times a month or when surfline.com tells me to” that really cause all the trouble.  We can thank every surf camp, surf instructor and the creator of the fish and fun shape for this.  Believe me I helped, which makes it all the more ironic.  Now when its small and terrible, a time when I usually had most breaks to myself or shared with a few other die hards it is packed with groms who think they could be the next Dane Reynolds, kooks who just graduated from their soft tops, soccer moms on their stand up paddle boards and valley boy Joe who just pulled up in his mustang convertible.

It is these days when I hate surfing the most.  I have given up everything to go ride those terrible waves that were once uncrowded.  My stoke meter was already at a 3 and I was forcing myself to paddle.  When you add the crowd that level decreases to .01.  That was me this morning in the dirt lot above Emma Wood, where I sat for a good hour deciding if I should surf, go home, or throw myself off the cliff in front of a passing train.  The train option being my best bet especially since I failed at successfully constructing that guillotine out of the trunk of my car.

After waiting till the wind got harder and the crowd tripled I suited up and headed out.  There were about four peaks working with a few sneakers thrown in.  On the beach there were three telephotos and a video?  I looked around.  There was no one in the lineup worthy of such an entourage and the surf was barely chest high, windy and inconsistent at best.  Then I saw Dane suiting up bringing things into perspective.  Has the surf been that bad this season that photographers have gotten so desperate they need to try and sell pictures of Dane groveling?  I guess so.  He did his usual half hour of Emma.

I jumped in and the water was freezing. If it was 58 I would say it was warm.  I had a 4/3 and booties on and was cold the entire time making the drive home one of me blasting the heat to get the blood flowing again.  I felt like I was in the movie “Top Gun” when all the fighter jets were swarming around Maverick and Goose.  There were groms paddling every which way, kooks in front of me, body surfers and even some idiot on an ocean kayak.  Apparently some people got lost on their way to Mondos.  I got a few forgettable ones that I had to fight tooth and nail for.  Then a set wave slipped past the pack and swung wide right to me. I dropped in, it sucked up and I had a solid stand up tube, came out clean.

My initial instinct was to claim it so that if one of the photogs managed to shot it the sequence would end well.  Then I realized that they were all focused on Dane and these two groms who were ripping. As I was paddling back out this random dude threw a shaka at me and I was glad to share that little bit of stoke on an otherwise uninspiring day with him.  After that it was more terrible ones and more paddle battles, near collisions and tons of frustration.  Finally I got my 20 wave quota and was just looking for that one more.

Of course if you surf this almost always means the ocean is going to go flat and that the good wave wont come.  You have to end on a good on otherwise your  whole day is going to be shit. That was exactly what happen.  I got dropped in on twice.  Blew three late take offs.  Then finally a good left came my way.  I was about to drop into when this little grom maybe 12 paddled me and closed out the section on me.  Normally I let these instances go, but everyone hits their breaking point and this was mine.

I paddled up to the poor unsuspecting grom and looked him right in the eye “Did you think I was not going to catch it?”.  He responded “No”.  “Then why the fuck did you paddle me then?” I replied and I splashed water in his face, the most degrading thing one surfer can do to another in a lineup confrontation and usually when a fight breaks out.  “You know me, I surf with you all the time and you know I don’t miss the waves I paddle for.  Don’t paddle me! I don’t paddle you!” He had a stunned look on his face.  So did I.

I caught the very next wave and went in disgusted with myself for such behavior.  The kid made a common mistake and he was after all a kid, but I was over it. Then again when I was a kid I would not have even thought about paddling a guy who had been surfing longer then I was alive.  The pecking order in today’s lineups has really fallen apart, but that is a blog for another day.  Mostly I was angry at myself cause I ruined this little kid’s stoke for the day and probably put some fear into him about lineup etiquette making him over cautious for a while.

Five days ago I was out having a ball with my fellow surfers, hooting and hollering.  Everyone was stoked and life was great.  Today I wished I had a water proof uzi so I could have mowed down 3/4’s of the lineup.  When you want to know why surfing ruined my life just mull that over for a while. Surfing sucks don’t try it.

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