Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

When Enough is Enough

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 27, 2011| 8 Comments »

Sit back and let an expert explain all...

This week’s UCB makes a victor of my boy Brennan whom I believe is claiming his first win ever here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net, although he did win a few back in the Myspace.com days.  He proposed I write a blog about when one should pull the plug on an out of control drunken relationship, be it with a significant other or a close friend.  This topic is one that I definitely have authority over considering I personally have been on both sides of the coin, the out of control drunken friend and victim.

I use the word victim because it is what one becomes when he is on the receiving end of the drunk shenanigans.   About two years ago when I first moved here to Santa Barbara I was a bit of handful.  I went from going out a few times a week, getting buzzed and trying to pick up chicks to going out nearly every night of the week and getting black out drunk.  Most of the time when I get drunk I don’t get all that crazy (unless Im partying with one of my two friends: Tequila and Bacardi 151.  If they are involved then there is no telling what is going to happen) and usually if anyone is going to be victimized from my drinking it is myself.

I know at one point the bearer of this blog and my greatest wingman ever Brennan had just about had it with me.  He claimed by that point it was not fun for him anymore and that he felt more like a baby sitter then a friend when we were going out.  Also I was not a good wingman to him when I was so sloppy drunk I could barely stand straight and talk with out slurring my speech.  Ladies surprisingly don’t find that very attractive.

He approached me about it and at first I was really angry and did not go out with him for about a week.  Then I realized what a jackass I was and eventually came around.  In most circumstances that is the best way to handle the problem.  Before completely giving up on the person in jeopardy confront them and explain to that person just what is going on.  Some people don’t even realize that they are “that guy” until a close friend brings it to light.  I know I didn’t.  Ultimately if things stay the same I would then break off all contact and get off that sinking ship.

This leads me to two separate situations.  The first happened back in New Jersey circa 2002.  I used to go get drinks with some friends and this dude Mike (that wasn’t his real name, for his sake I have changed it to mike) who had just moved back to the shore from a couple of year stint in Oceanside California.  Mike was a great guy, good surfer and an all around fun friend.  When we went out for a party things changed really fast.

Now I have a pretty high tolerance for bullshit.  For starters my sense of adventure is a bit more warped then most.  My motto in most situations that would have regular folks running for the hills has always been “lets see how things play out”.  Truth be told I have been rather lucky that things never played out in the worst case scenario although bad.

Mike was the kind of guy who loved to do crazy drunken feats of strength, whether he was challenged or not.  When we first started drinking together he used to say things like “you think I am going to punch myself in the face?”  And then he would do it.  I found it rather amusing.  Then it steadily began to escalate.

Another time we were sitting at the bar having a good time, when all of a sudden he would be like “you think I will pour this pitcher of beer over my head” as he was pouring it over his head.  Then the bouncer would throw us out.  From there it was “hey I just ripped the urinal out of the bath room wall” or “lets throw this full beer bottle at that cop car over there”.  For me that was the final draw.  One of my fine lines is police interference.  I don’t like jail.  I spent a little time there once for being an idiot and it was enough to scare me straight.

That was it for Mike and I.  The other incident happened out here in Santa Barbara.  I met this 21 year old train wreck downtown about two years ago.  My first indication to stay away should have been our meet cute, which happened when the drunk bitch stumbled into me and fell flat on her face on State Street (an occurrence I would later find out happened way too often) a block from the Wild Cat.  Lets call her Emma for ease of story.  I found her rather amusing and the sex was good.

This crazy bitch got me into so many compromising situations it was not even funny though at times somewhat exciting.  She got into a bar fight with a group of my Jersey friends, had me jumped by her 19 year old brother and two of his friends downtown, had sex with a few of my other friends behind my back, caused a scene and a half in front of Tonic that had me slink off into the night and had me take two unnecessary kicks to the back in two unrelated incidents.  All of which happened while she was completely wasted and I literally had to carry her home on numerous occasions.  The only the thing she was not was a vomiter.   If she were that would have been the final straw right there.

Still that was not enough to turn me off.  The last incident that sent me packing went down at 3:30 in the morning. I found myself in the street in front of a crack house in Isla Vista, where she was trying to satisfy a coke binge inside. Meanwhile I got into a brawl with a coked up black dude, then ended up forfeiting what was left of my money to keep one of Emma’s friends from getting molested by a shady cab driver, finally saving the same girl from being raped by another random drug addict at which point I was ready to get out of there.

I went looking for Emma only to find her popping a handful of non descript pills to off set the coke as she put it. I walked into the room to retrieve her and get the fuck out of there upon this request she told me to go fuck myself as she was sitting spread eagle and all three guys in the room were looking at her exposed panties courtesy of her stained hocked up mini skirt.

I lost it, called her a drugged out whore and (not far from the mark) walked out of the house leaving her to get ganged rapped by the three guys there.  I had to walk the streets of IV till 4:30 am till I finally stumbled upon a friend who was able to give me a place to crash for the night and a ride home in the morning considering there was no more money left in my wallet and I left my plastic at home.  Condition three personal safety is another consideration.

So there you have it.  When is enough, enough?  You need to ask yourself three questions:

  1. Am I really having a good time: If the answer to this is yes at least fifty percent of the time Im still on board, but you can set your own parameters.
  2. Will hanging out with this person eventually have me ending up in prison: For me this is a deal breaker after the first close call.  The moment our relationship has me ducking in the bushes from the cops at 3am its over.
  3. Will this partnership lead to my life coming to a hault or me maimed, disfigured or dismembered: Like I said in the Emma example, personal safety.  Im ok with cuts and bruises, but when we are talking potential hospital stays or worse, well I don’t have the proper medical coverage to handle any of that.
  4. Bonus: Your mental health is another brief consideration.  For me this is never really a concern, but if you are a logically thinking person then you probably have a limit to how much bull your brain can take.  Then again your reading this pathetic excuse for a blog so your tolerance for bullshit must be quite high after all.

These are just some guidelines that I personally follow with the drunken insane.  So far they have kept me alive for over 15 years of heavy duty partying with some of the craziest drunks you will ever meet.  In my case I guess it takes one to know one.

I think this falls into the personal safety category and the jail one.

Is this enough? Your call.

Read Full Post »

Finders Keepers…

Posted in Life, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 23, 2011| 10 Comments »

This is one of those bittersweet tales that usually plague my life and I guess life in general. Usually I get the bitter end of the tale. The story I am about to convey is one of the rare occasions where I found mostly sweetness, although there was a bit of sour in it, as you will read.  So sit back and enjoy a tale of yet another night at Wild Cat where anything can happen.

I woke this morning exhausted with a bit of a head headache, damn tequila shots.  One thing was for sure I was not ready to put on my coat and slave in front of a hot grill for eight hours, but tis the life of a lowly cook.  Adding injury to insult the damn cats, probably Alfie in an attempt to get Mustafa to leave him alone flipped the litter box over and scattered dirty cat litter all over the bathroom floor.  And strangely next to it was my friend Devin’s wet boxers and socks, while he was passed out apparently butt naked on my fold out couch?!!!?

Of course this is what I should be greeted with hung over and with barely fifteen minutes to get to work, which I had already anticipated being late for.  I cleaned it up as best I could in the time allotted and went to work, half way there I burst out laughing.  Something hit me as I was passing State St. on the 101. I remembered that I found $100 dollars out side of Wild Cat the previous night.

That’s right One Hundred Fucking Smackers, A C NOTE!!!!!!  The funny thing was I did not even want to go out.  I was exhausted and kind of thinking about snagging the incoming tide at Sand Bar or Hammonds before work, but a very persuasive Devin (ok all he did was call me to see if we were going out) talked me into it.  We got out late as usual and as a result had to wait on line.  I hate waiting on line to go to a dump that I have been drinking at for years just because it some how has become the it place downtown.

We were standing there talking to this odd looking possibly Mexican or some type of Latin chick and here short fat stubby little friend, who was out for her 22nd birthday.  Fatty was suppose to be a make up artist by trade.  She must work for the circus because with the way she did herself up she looked like a fucking clown.  I had to keep pinching my thighs in my pants pockets to keep from bursting out laughing.  Devin was trying to work the other one.  Over it I started spacing out looking down at the ground.

I noticed a crumpled up piece of paper that looked like a bill of some denomination.  Not drawing any attention to myself I stepped on it with my foot and dragged it over to me.  I looked to see if anyone was looking around to which no body was and then nonchalantly bent down in a vain attempt to tie my lace less loafers, picked up the bill and stealthily put it in my pocket.  I mean whoever lost that cash was obviously wasted and a lot better off then me financially if he is going out with hundreds in his pocket.  If someone at that moment started claiming the lost the money I would have certainly handed it over, but Im sure the unfortunate soul was already in the club and too drunk or stupid to notice.

Devin and I got in the club for a $7 cover thanks a lot Amber for pretending to not remember me you bitch (Amber is the cover charge girl/cocktail waitress at Wild Cat.  My old roommate and good buddy Brennan had a thing for her and would always buy drinks from her in search of an opening to ask her out.  But its hard to pick up bar staff cause they are constantly being hit on and accosted by creeps so their guard is always up, but picking up bar staff and Brennan’s brief and fruitless Amber infatuation are entire blogs by themselves and not to be covered here.).  Once inside I reach into my pocket to see what I found and low and behold in my hand was a $100 bill.  Well it was right up to the bar for us.

You see there is something about standing at the bare waving a 100 in the air that gets the bar tenders attention.  Most nights it takes a few minutes for me to get drinks, but not this night.  She came right up when she saw I was with Ben Franklin.  Then it was Patron shots and mixed drinks for us, and a healthy tip for her as well.  After all it was not my money, easy come easy go.  The rest of the night was pretty uneventful I played a few games of pool with some random forty year old guy, but we were missing both the nine ball and the que ball while Devin was off doing his own thing since I could not find him for that duration.

Then I dance floored it where Devin and I reunited till last call.  It was the only night I went downtown with ten dollars in my pocket and came home with over seventy.  To who ever lost that money it could not have gotten in the hands of a more appreciative party.  Better luck next time bud.

Chit ching!

Benjamin Franklin

Me and my boy Benny F conferring.

I wounder if this guy found all those bills on the Wild Cat Line too?

Read Full Post »

Cat Calamity

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 19, 2011| 5 Comments »

Its been a while since I have written a blog and that is for a few reasons. One will be addressed in this blog.  The rest I will sum up quickly although may be elaborated in a later blog.  First off since I have stepped off the plane from the East Coast back to California we have just been bombarded with tons of swell (check the surflog which is updated everyday for more on that).  Last week Nick the Kook was out here (check out “Nick the Kook Receives a Hay Maker” for a funny story from his Crazy Chris Adventure Tour) and I started back up at work over at the college.  Then lastly I caught a cold after spending nearly an hour drunkenly searching around the streets of Santa Barbara in the cold for a lost Nick the Kook, who consequently made his way home at 6am, but that is a whole different story all together and one that is not mine to tell.

All these factors went into play to create a very exhausted Chris Lisanti.  So much so that I have been too tired even to think let alone compose a blog at the end of the day.  Even this blog is near painful to write.  Dont say I never did anything for you.   On top of these reasons I have also had my life filled with cat misadventures.

When I returned to Santa Barbara awaiting me in my apartment was a new kitten Ade’s was given for Christmas.  He is an odd looking tabby I affectionately call Mustafa after Will Ferrell’s incompetent assassin character in the Austin Power movies.   I dont know why, the name just had a good ring to it.  Ade’s hates the name, but I have become set on it and as far as Im concerned its his name.  Needless to say Alfie was not very happy about the occurrence thus spending the bulk of his time hissing and growling.

Just when I though the two were beginning to get along Alfie contracted some freak cat strep throat, stopped eating, began coughing and was at deaths door by the end of last week.  Concerned for his well being Ade’s ran him to an emergency vet where $700 later claimed they did not know what was wrong with him and would need another $1000 to run further testing.  For 1700 bucks I could go purchase a robotic cat that would have rocket boosters on it, fly and do chores around the house for me.

I could not just let Alfie wither away and die.  I was mentally preparing to take the situation into my own hands “Old Yeller” style when Ade’s found a vet that specialized in cats and was supposedly inexpensive.  Turns out for only $150 I found out that Alfie had gotten a flu like thing that has actually been going around SB for the last few weeks.  Go figure.  For those of you who are wondering Alfie is doing much better and actually ate all of his dinner tonight.  He still hates Mustafa.

Who needs a parrot on his shoulder when he can have a cat? Mustafa and I bonding.

Alfie and Mustafa trying to be civil.

What Alfie's poor health almost came down to....

Read Full Post »

Just My Luck

Posted in Life, tagged , , , , , , on December 27, 2010| 8 Comments »

I don’t really know what is going on the with the weather this year but in the last two weeks I found myself right smack in the middle to rather unusual weather phenomena.  Last week I was home in California just starting my cozy little three week winter break vacation.  Friday the 17th was my last day and also what became the start of a six day monsoonal like rains and wind. When all was said and done, over 28 inches of rain later, the warm sunny California weather I moved there for returned. Conveniently the morning I had to catch a flight for cold dismal New Jersey.

 

It was not so bad; the storm brought fun waves and light crowds thanks to a combination of shitty weather and near toxic water quality.  Sure it would have been fun to enjoy some sun and out doorsy type adventures before traveling to frigid weather that would for sure have me cooped up inside, but tis how things work out at times.  I caught my plane and headed back east for the Holiday’s.

 

Christmas was fun.  I realized I like my family when I only see then once a year.  Nostalgia is always great in small doses. Went out Christmas night visited with some old friends, got faded (see Ohh that Nick the Kook blog), who could ask for more.  So far so good.  I had other visits and odd ends to tie up in the remaining two days I would be in town for.  The trip was a quick smash and grab job.  The smaller the increment the more likely I am to come back to this shit hole.

 

Then the mother fucking snow came.  A little taste of snow I though might be cool.  Its been years since I have seen snow.  Maybe one inch or so, that could have been festive even.  21” fucking inches!!!!!!!!!  Are you kidding me, one of the biggest blizzards in New Jersey history.  What are odds?   In Lisanti Land I guess pretty fricken good.

 

My back injury finally worked in my favor for a change allowing me to slink out of any shoveling and there was a ton of it my friends.  Not only was there the drive way but since the town neglected paving the streets (as it turns out two out of the three plows possessed broke down in an vain attempt at clearing the night before) my parents in earnest to get out to the airport tomorrow decided to shovel the street as well.  Ironically the plow came by a few hours later.  Patience is a virtue my friends.

 

As it stands now looks like Im on a plane to Florida at 10 am tomorrow as planned. Time will tell how that goes. The last time I was in New Jersey I lacerated my foot to the bone on a knee high wave and vowed never to come back.  Two years later I give the place a second chance and it dumps more snow on me then I have ever seen in my life.  New Jersey I get the point, you don’t want me here.  Don’t worry I don’t have any plans to come back soon.

 

If I missed anyone on this visit Im truly sorry.  I was very eager to catch up with so many different people.  The sand in the hourglass has just about dropped.  Maybe some other time, can’t tell you when that may be.  Those of you whom I missed and you know who you are will always be welcome to visit out west where we may get earth quakes, wild fires, crazy mud slides and toxic water, but one thing I can guarantee is that there wont be any snow, unless you want to go find some.  And anyone who has come out can attest there will always be good times.

My sister Val standing next to a five foot high snow drift.

Those black things in the background are cars buried up their roves in the street

Read Full Post »

The Way It Is: News From Lisanti Land

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on November 21, 2010| 7 Comments »

It occurred to me the other day that it has been quite some time since I have had what was formerly called on the myspace blog “week in review”.  I know each and every one of you is sitting around at home on the edge of your seats just wondering what the fuck Chris Lisanti has been up to.  Sure we have the occasional spot blog here and there where I rant and rave about some rather common misgiving that takes place, but overall since I started surfingruinedmylife.net I have not really kept anyone all that informed on whats been happening with me.

Truth be told I did not think anyone really cared nor did I for that matter, but then I figured I started the blog in 06′ in the first place as a sort of public diary to document my charade of a life.  For now on every Sunday or the ones I feel so inclined anyway I will write a brief update on what has been going on in my life.  Yeah how pumped are you?  Not that much, me neither.

Well my life has been really nothing more then a bore of lots of work and a little bit of surfing.  Im not going to write about my surfing escapades here because the surf log is an entire section of this blog you can visit that is updated daily with such information.   Work has been going good.  I have got into a pretty steady groove with both the pizza and grill stations.  Somehow it has gotten to the point where I can bang out 60 pizzas in under three hours or 550 sandwiches menu dependent.  I can cut 25 lbs of assorted vegetables in a rough chop in under an hour and chop up 100lbs of potatoes in about an hour and change.

My skillz with a knife have gotten pretty sharp, pun intended.  On the weekends I grill a total of 300 hundred burgers, fifty chicken sandwiches and 175 casadillas while standing in front of a flaming hot grill for six hours. I used feel burns now they are just a way of life.  Like today I burned up my thumb pretty good on the iron of the grill.  It must of hurt but I did not even realize I got burned till I got home and noticed a giant blister on my thumb.

This week I pretty much bought my entire knife kit.  After months of internet scouring for the best knives at the best prices I put together a fine assortment of professional knives for just under $250, a kit that should have costs close to $500.  How did I do it you ask.  All I can say is in life it is best to leave no stone unturned my friend.  I still have to get sharpening steel, a peeler and a tomato corer.  Stay tuned for a blog on my knives soon or a blog about me losing a finger, which ever comes first.

With all this work you would think I would be stacking some paper, but thats  not the case at all.  Fuck money Im going back to wampum.  I guess somehow I got promoted to primary ding guy at J7 as a result of Keoni going on an extended trip to Mexico.  Its cool at least I can work off my boards, but I am constantly reminded how much I hate doing ding repair.

Looks like I will be making a brief appearance in NJ in December from the 24th thru 28th just enough time to remember why I left so that I wont return for another two years.  Seriously I plan to be drunk most of the time so if you want to get thrashed with me let me know, plus I have not been home in two years so I have no idea whats hot in terms of where to party so anyone who knows whats up please feel free to guide me.

Thats all for now.   Like I said nothing too earth shattering this week to report.  Im rather boring these days actually so much so that I fell asleep twice while writing this.

Burger Time! For you its an intriguing picture, for me its an every day event!

Thank you and good night.

Read Full Post »

We Are All Fucked

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2010| 5 Comments »

Im pretty sure we have had this topic before but its definitely one that I have no problem revisiting.  But before we get into that yesterday I wrote a borderline non sequitur rant blog like we have not seen here in a long time, not since the early myspace.com days.  Back then I believe we had a rant blog at least once a week if not more.  I don’t really know what spurred it on except that I was looking at that Movember site and it got me very angry for no good reason.

I was faced with two choices either take my aggression out by beating my cat or writing a barely coherent rant blog.  For Alfie’s sake I chose the latter.  This week Nick the Kook ascends the ranks with the topic “What do I think about the current state of the US economy”.  Im not an economist by any means and you don’t have to worry about me being influenced by any third party media source considering I have not watched the news, read a newspaper or Magazine in more then four months.

What I spout is just from my own personal observations on things thus it will all be completely opinion based and therefore absolutely basis and far from a credible resource of any kind.  This is where I talk out my ass for the next few hundred words or so mostly about pure stupidity.  If you don’t want your IQ to drop a few points I would quit reading this now while you can still stare off into space with out drool coming out of your mouth.

First off I would like to say that I do believe that our economy is getting better (now that I have stated this the stock market is bound to rise fifty points on Monday, after all if Chris Lisanti from Surfingruinedmylife.net says things are getting better everyone will run out and invest.).  In all seriousness I think the worst is behind us for the time being.  I have noticed out here in SB alone a bunch more job openings, new stores and restaurants and an abundance of Japanese tourists.  If the Japo’s are shopping you know its going to be a good day in the books.

Second there is the state of our nearly bankrupt government.  Here in California we have had no money and been in a “crisis” situation for more then three years now.  I don’t really know what that means because the streets still get paved (with the exception of the 101 in between Ventura and Santa Barbara, that still looks like a fucking mine field), and all the other government bureaus seem to be getting along.  Certainly all those lazy good for nothing sacks of shit sitting at home watching reruns of “Full House” and Judge Judy all are still collecting their welfare checks.

Its funny cause when I don’t have any money in my bank account I cant continue to operate under my normal spending capacity.  As a matter of fact I just go with out any luxury and eat cold cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  Governments must have some magic fairy dust they sprinkle and it creates a few billion bucks to fuck around with.  Like I said I don’t really have any factual information to back any of this up with and since Im not writing a research paper I  don’t care to look anything up.

Lastly what I would love to touch on, a reoccurring theme here at SurfingRuinedMyLife.net is the perversely gross unequal distribution of wealth in the United States economy.  Currently the gap between the rich and the poor is at one of the highest differences in our history.  Every year inflation rages yet wages stay the same or climb at a fraction of the percent of what things costs.  I sit and watch as the price of gasoline goes up nearly every year by 60% yet Im lucky if I get a quarter raise every year.

The working class is not getting paid what they are worth or even what they need to survive, meanwhile the rich are sitting in their hot tubs eating caviar from their five million dollar house on the hill while deciding which two hundred thousand dollar car they will take to go out and spend eighty five dollars a plate for dinner.  Yet the people who’s blood, sweat and soul went into cooking that meal, building that house and assembling those cars can barely afford to drive to work to do such things.

Almost everyone I work with has to work two or three jobs just to survive.  How in a time when some have so much everyone else has to kill themselves just to survive?  Its because these rich bastards know that they can pinch us for little and that we are dumb enough to work for while they stack paper higher and faster then ever.  If minimum wage got raised to a fair level say $14 an hour, an actual decent amount for a person to live on I think things would run a lot smoother.

Now I know what your thinking, Chris is crazy our economy would fall apart if minimum wage was so high.  It would cost more for everything, but if everyone had more money, everyone on a whole could spend more.  Workers who are not exhausted from working so many extra jobs would be more productive.  Also lets tax the shit out of these wealthy tyrants.  If they can afford to buy a five million dollar home then they can afford to put more into the government.

While we are at it lets get more regular everyday people into the government.  Im tired of seeing everyone important in our government getting there because of which money monger scoundrel they cut a deal with to get there.  No wonder the best interest of the people is not taking into account.  We don’t count.  Face it if your income is less then half a million a year no one cares about you.

My brothers and sisters its time for a change and unfortunately I don’t believe this change is going to take place at an election both.  Its going to take place in the form of an uprising and one that is maybe not all that far off.  When it happens who’s side are you going to be on?  Your rich boss who does not give a shit whether its you working or someone he can get for a dollar less then you or your fellow worker struggling to keep his head above water just like you.  I will tell you one thing folks Im not a violent person but when the time comes I will rise to the occasion and help to set things right.  A new American Revolution is coming.

Why work when you can be entertained by Danny Tanner, Michelle and the gang?

Michelle knows things are fucked up "You got it dude"!

Read Full Post »

I Had a Dream

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 11, 2010| 1 Comment »

Kooky Kyle after taking a brief UCB winner vacation quit sleeping on the job and claimed what I believe to be his fourth victory this quarter (it may be third I don’t really know, don’t ever count them till the end).  He asked if I have had any good dreams lately or if I dream at all.  This question pertaining to latent dreams of course as far as future dreams go I have given up on those altogether.

Truth be told I don’t have too many dreams at all or at least those I can remember.  Science claims that the human subconscious dreams pretty much the entire time we are in REM State and through out most of the night as well.  I have the long term memory of a chicken and the short term memory of a cat thus making me pretty much a step above being retarded.  If can barely remember anything while Im awake how can I possibly be able to remember what goes on while Im in slumber land?

Here are some typical dreams I do remember because they have been reoccurring in one form or another.  The foremost is car crash dreams.  I don’t know why but I always have dreams where I have been in a car crash, caused a car crash or just witnessed one happening but in most cases I am involved in the cause of the crash.  Dream analysts claim that such dreams are symbolic of how our psyche feels about what it is experiencing in waking life.  This makes sense considering my life has pretty much been a 29 year train wreck.

While we are on the car crash dream subject I would like to relay a pretty entertaining dream I had a week ago or so: John Mauriello and I worked for a Starbucks here in Santa Barbara, but our job there was to make sandwiches and cook lunch items.  We were shitty employees always coming in late, leaving early and mostly slaking off while there.  Our boss, the owner was this stingy Indian guy (when I say Indian I mean a person from India and not the tepee building ones) who always wore sweater vests and thought he was cool cause he loved hip-hop.  John and I also rented a garage apartment in his house.

The guy hated us but for whatever reason he did not fire us.  One day my old roommate Cory Kiesel showed up at our apartment in a white jacked up ford F-350 pick up truck telling us we had to go with him to the SB airport to pick up Rapper Heavy D and that him and Heavy D were going to LA to cut an album together.  We picked up Heavy D all blinged out with a grill, chains and fixings that go along with that description and headed back to the apartment.  Upon pulling into the apartment the breaks failed and we drove right into the living room of the house.

At first my boss was furious but when Heavy D stepped out into his living room dude was all chill.  Then over dinner he worked out a deal to manage the Cory/Heavy D act. Damn crafty Indians.  I think the dream went on from there but that is all I can remember.

Another set of dreams I experience regularly are falling dreams.  Apparently these dreams represent a sense of failure or feeling of inferiority.  Falling dreams can also represent a feeling of being overwhelmed or that your life is out of control.  Wow Im a mess.

I also on a regular basis have dreams about drowning as well.  Not really about drowning while surfing, just drowning in general.  Usually when one of these occurs I wake up gasping for air and sweating.   Turns out Drowning dreams represent a feeling of being overwhelmed or that you are feeling threatened.

Sometimes after a hard day at work I go to sleep and dream Im still there.  Like when I first started making pizzas at Westmont that entire week I dreamed of nothing but making pizzas all night long.  I have always had dreams that I was still at work even though I was home sleeping in my bed.

I occasionally have strong sexual dreams some so vivid that I actual wake up wondering if I had sex (no Im not talking about black outs).  Sexual dreams can symbolize the obvious or also occur at times when one needs a certain release from pent up tension.  I guess Im a basket case when one takes the time to analyze my dreams or the few that I can remember.  I can only imagine the shit I conjure up that I don’t recall.  Well fuck dreams maybe that is why Im an insomniac.  I’ll sleep when Im dead.

I dont know what kind of dream this would symbolize????!!!?

Im sure Heavy D knows whats up.

Read Full Post »

A Great Loss to Surfing: Andy Irons 1978-2010

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , on November 4, 2010| 2 Comments »

The man and his larger then life image.

I got out of the water Tuesday night after a Hammonds nightmare session (see Surf Log for more details on that) only to find a text message from my boy JD back in NJ.  It read “Andy Irons Died”.  I did not believe it although considering the source there was no reason for him being a devoted AI fan himself to pull my leg.  Then I got like six more texts about it before I got home.  I ran home and checked surfline.com and sure enough Andy was dead from possibly Dengue Fever.  Read more on that here: http://www.surfline.com/surf-news/andy-irons-rip—three-time-world-champ-passes-away-surfing-world-in-shock_49481/.

I have never really been an Andy fan per say.  I respect his surfing ability and the perseverance it took to win three consecutive world titles.  One thing I have to give him credit for is that he did what he wanted.  While most guys on tour play the good politically correct role he said whatever was on his mind and always spoke the truth.  If the judges made a bullshit call he was the first to claim it.

The last few years he sort of fell into the background in surfing till recently when he accepted the WT wild card for 2010.  His performance on tour was less then stellar but he did manage a victory at this years Tahiti comp.  Personally I had nothing but negativity toward the guy mostly because the surfing media brain washed me to choose either the Slater camp or the Irons camp of which I chose the former.

For what its worth his loss saddened me.  No matter how I felt about his media portrayed persona AI was a surfer who loved to surf as much as possible just as I do.  Now he will never be able to surf upon this earth again.  He truly was a gifted surfer and one of surfing’s favorite sons.  He will be missed and his passing definitely leaves a hole in the surf world.  I think I will dedicate the remainder of my surf sessions in 2010 to Andy.

AI always went big.

Read Full Post »

Another Tale of Halloween Mischief

Posted in Blast From the Past: 2008, Life, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 30, 2010| 4 Comments »

As a teen on Long Island like most other places in America Halloween shifts from getting candy to seeing how much and to what degree of senseless acts of vandalism  you can perform before the cops are called.  Also on Long Island you and your crew would be armed with shaving cream and eggs so that if you encountered another crew you could have a pseudo gang fight.  From there most of my Halloween nights cosisted of getting doused in eggs and shaving cream (we would stick a pin in the nosil of the shaving cream lid, melt it, pull ou the pin and it would shoot up to 8 feet)  and ended with atleast one Kenyan track star run from the police.

I think my favorite tale from this era was when I was 14.  My boys Peter, Tom, Vinny, Frank, John, Eddie and I were cruising around the streets since like 3pm causing trouble and reeking havoc on the neighborhood.  We thought we were a pretty bad ass crew and could take on anyone.  Earlier before we all crewed up Tom Vinny and I ran into this smaller crew of seniors and ambushed them with cream and eggs, retreating quick enough as to not get the wrath of their retaliation. They most likely would have beat the shit out of us had we been caught.  Even though we thought so the three of us were not all that tough.

Later on that night we were chilling in the front yard of Tom’s house waiting for another crew that might dare pass by our “turf”.  We were kicking it when these three cars loaded with dudes come racing around the corner and slam on the breaks in the middle of the street in from of our camp.  12 guys jump out of the cars armed with eggs, shaving cream and paint ball guns.  Turns out it those seniors we hit earlier regrouped and spent the night hunting us down.

It all happened so fast that we had no time to escaped.  I ended up jumping into a bunch of hedges and as luck would have it found a piece of plywood to use as a sheild from the paint balls.  I could only sit their and watch in horror as my boys got pelted with eggs, shot with paint balls and forced to eat shaving cream.  When the seniors finally cleared out Vinny (who had also took to hiding) and I came out unscathed only to unbelievingly behold the carnage of our friends terrible misfortune.  Tom got the brunt of the paint balls, which left welts all over his body.  Peter was covered in shaving cream in the middle of the street and Eddie completely in shock by the whole orccurance jumped on his bike and rode home nearly in tears.

Turned out Frank and John whom had left our company earlier got jumped by a few of the guys we thought we so craftily ambushed and were forced to sell us out or be beaten.  I dont blame them I dont think I would have held out either.  We were 14 year old pampered rich kids not Israli green berays.

After that tramatic experience we all decided it best to call it a night. Vinny and I lived near each other so we decided to walk home together.  I guess we were about half way there when we saw a car that looked to be one of the ones in the convoy that hit us not long ago. Thinking we were just paranoid we picked up our pace but stayed on the road.  When the car came up next to us our fears were realized.

It was the same car paint balls in hand.  Basically we got hit by a drive by paint balling.  I got hit twice in the side and once in the leg.  Vinny took two in the back.  That shit hurts fucken pretty bad.  The welts lasted for like 2 weeks.  We figured we were in the clear and afterall it was only fair since our boys got the brunt of it ear;ier.  We sat there on the ground for a moment to gather ourselves on what just happend but before we had the chance the car pulled a U-turn and was coming back for a second round.  Deciding not to stick around to see what was in store for us next we bolted.

Vinny and I took off down the street in the oppisite direction with car hot on our tail.  We had like a good mile lead on them and then we came to a fork in the road.  It was here that we made the call to split up allowing one of us to get away safely.  Ofcourse who do you think they followed.  You guessed it; Yours truely.

At this point dude is out the window shooting paint balls on almost rapid fire.  He must have had that double pump thing down.  Some how though matrix style I managed to avoid the shells and ran into the woods unharmed.  I knew the a short cut through this vacant spell of pine trees and then trough one of my neighbors back yards which would bring me only a few houses from mine.  When I get in the woods I thought I was sitting pretty (keep in mind there is nothing more scary then being in the middle of the woods in the gloom of the night on Halloween.) and slowed my pace all out of breath from the previous chase.

All of a sudden I hear foot steps behind me and I bolt into the darkness running full speed through pine branchs, jumping over under brush.  I had not been back in the woods in a few years and it was pretty dark so I was kind of winging it.  Some how my spidy sense got me to my neighbors backyard and ofcourse he had just recently put up one of those wood fences that are impossible to climb.

You know how people say that in moments of extreme adversity the human body can perform rediculous feats of strength, like a man lifting a car off a child sort of thing.  Well I was hoping that this was one of those moments and ran full speed at the fence and went for the jump.  I jumped grabed onto the post which was a solid 6 feet up and attempted to catapult myself over it parking meter style (when you jump a parking meter with nothing but your arms pushing you over it).  As I was coming over somthing hit me square in the back of the head.  It was an egg from the seniors.  As it exploded all over my hair (which was long, actually it was the first year I grew my hair long) it threw off my momentum and as I as about to clear the fince my left foot got hung up and I went down on the otherside of the fence head over heels

God must have been shining a light on me that night folks cause some how I managed to not break my neck although I did manage to tear the leg nearly clean off my jeans form getting snagged on the fence post. I took a minute to take stock in my current situation, paint balls welts, egg all over my hair, cuts, scraps and bruises all over my face and body from the woods run, but I was alive and how alive I felt too.  I took a deep breath and took a victory lap home.  Sure I got the shit knocked out of me, but I survived and at that moment felt like I could do anything.

Turns out one of the other cars caught up with Vinny too and he was forced to endure 10 minutes of getting pelted by eggs and shaving cream before ultimately getting sent home beaten and dejected.  All and all one of the most exciting Halloweens ever.

 

Read Full Post »

I hate Idiots

Posted in Anger, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2010| 4 Comments »

I hate Idiots, but I especially hate idiots that surf and surf badly at that.  All day at work today while I was in the midst of making 75 pizzas by 11am and then from 11-1:30 while I was serving them and from 2-3:30 while prepping for tomorrow’s rotisserie the only thing on my mind was getting out of there to take advantage of the NW wind swell/groundswell combo.  Finally when quiting time came I was out of the kitchen faster then a fat kid runs to eat a piece of cake.

I went straight to Rincon where I was let down for the second straight day in a row (read Surf Log for more on that session).  From there I cruised to Pitas for a hopeful repeat of yesterday.  It was a little bit bigger probably around chest to head with even the occasional bigger set.  There was a little cross chop on the face but from the looks of it the top of the point had some solid killable walls pushing through with only six guys on it and it appeared they were missing more waves then they were surfing.  I was on it.

I got out in the lineup and was having a pretty decent time hitting beyond vertical backside reo’s.  After an hour of this about four other guys came out, two of whom fit into that bro, I think I surf well but I look like shit category.  My least favorite of all the surfing genders.  Of course these idiots come out and immediately start paddling every one too deep.  I was having more fun riding the inside double ups anyhow to be bothered with the set waves which were mushier and I could not be bothered with jockeying with average surfers who think they are in a world tour event or something.

While Im sitting on the inside relishing this section of the wave a good size set most likely overhead came in.  Mr. Bro decided he was going to take off on the biggest close out of the set.  I paddled deep to get out of his way but sometimes at Pitas the bowl shifts back deep, backs off and then doubles out and closes out like something you would expect to see from shore dump.  This was the case with this particular wave.  All of a sudden bro was dropping in right on my head.

Now he had plenty of time to see that A) this wave was going to dump and not be worth his while, B) even if it was not a close out the drop itself was well out of his personal skill set and C) there was a surfer directly in his path (me) and pull out of the wave.  Of course “stupid is as stupid does” brostapha air drops right onto my head.  Luckily as I was about to duck dive I realized I was more likely then not about to get decapitated by inferior surfing ability and ditched swimming as deep as I could to save my own skin.

I knew I would come out unscathed but my board on the other hand took the full brunt of the hit.  When I surfaced I found my relatively new board sliced clean through in two places and a third hole half way through as well.  The two worst slashes measured longer then four inches a piece long.  My board was trashed.  Bro looked at me was like “Dude are you ok”.  I responded “Im fine but my board is trash”.  He retorted “duh, sorry but I got stuck and could not turn and had to take the air drop”.  I looked him square in the eye and said “Its kind of hard to do anything when you paddle for an obvious close out, FUCKING DONKEY”.  Upon which I splashed some water in his face and took my next wave in ending my session an hour early and ruined what was turning out to be a great board.

I hate bad surfers, but more then that I hate stupid surfers.  Sure I have had a few collisions in my day but those were more or less due to poor paddling decisions on a paddlers side or miscommunication in a game of chicken.  In most cases with the exception of one everyone came out alright anyhow.  This is like the fourth time since I have been out here in California that I have had a board destroyed by some jack ass.  There was a time when the line ups used to be full of only competent surfers and were run and dominated by the elite.

Back then shit like this rarely happened.  These days what can one expect in the era of the kook.  The sport of kings has been degraded down to the sport of clowns.  FUCKING DONKEYS, BROS, YUPPIES, RECREATIONALS, WHATEVERS, SHOULDNT YOU GOT BACK TO PLAYING GOLF OR TENNIS OR TOUCH FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER YOU MEATBALLS DO THAT IS COOL ACCORDING TO GQ MAGAZINE AND LEAVE SURFING ALONE.  YOU DONT SEE ME DONNING A POLO SHIRT AND TRY TO GET INTO A COUNTRY CLUB DO YOU? GO FUCKING HOME.

 

The first picture is before the incident the other two show the extent of the damage.

 

Read Full Post »

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »