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Archive for the ‘User Choice BLog’ Category

October 2009; Oh How You Are Missed.

Posted in Blast from the Past: 2009, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2010| 1 Comment »

Yesterday we ran the top five sessions from this October being a La Nina year. Today I though it would be fun to write about the best five sessions from last October, the El Nino year and compare the two.  Since it is technically a continuation of Devin’s UCB from yesterday (see What a Difference a Year Makes) he will get a half point for his efforts.  My records from last year were not as good as this year so these are the best out of what I had written down.

 

5: Rincon Cove, Wednesday 10/14, 8:30am: 3-5ft Bumpy Glass, No one out!

Wednesday marked the third straight day of torrential down pour, the first time it has rained here since May. In that three-day span I think we picked up at least five inches of rain. With rain comes run off and you can only imagine how dirty the runoff is after nearly 6 months of no rain. The result was near toxic water at all river mouth fed breaks (basically every spot here). Coming down there was plenty of swell, Santa Clause Lane in Carpenteria, usually a small shadowed beachie was solid head high and clean.

When Santa Clause looks like that I know to immediately go to Rincon. I pulled into the parking lot and there were only about 5 cars, a bad sign already that it was not working. I on intuition walked down anyway. In front of me was The Cove section of the point with two guys out and lines running all the way past the call box at the bottom of the point, a solid 100 yard plus ride. It looked a little mushy and disorganized but far from something to walk away from.

I ran back to my car and got dressed. The water was completely brown and there was certainly a healthy amount of garbage and dead animals floating around, but the waves too good to stop me. As I was paddling out the two guy who where surfing got out leaving the place all to me. I surfed the cove alone for a solid hour before five other guys showed up, ten guys at the height of the crowd. I ended up surfing till 12:30pm a solid four hours and my legs burned so bad from the absurdly long rights that I almost could not make the walk back up the trail.

I think it is safe to say that number 5 from last year was far better then 5 this year.

 

4: Little Rincon, Thursday, 10/15, 8:30am: 4-6ft Oil Glass

Manasquan stalwart Kevin Malone decided to make his first winter pilgrimage to Santa Barbara this year and lucked into what I think is the best Little Rincon I have ever surfed. That’s a lie cause number three was the best Little Rincon I have ever surfed. Brook-o actually was the guy who tipped me off on the place although I was rather skeptical since the tide was super high, almost 5ft (Little Rincon barely breaks sometimes on low tide). Not believing his usually overzealous surf reports I had a look at Rincon first, which turned out to completely swamped with the excessive high tide causing me to give Littlie Con’ a shot. Sure enough when Lindsay, Malone and I pulled up I saw a set wave brush the top of the little pier that goes out to this fake little island built by the oil companies for the rigs that created the wave. When that happens you know its solid 6ft at least.

The crowd was light only about 6 heads out and it looked pretty mellow. Sometimes Little Rincon can have a pretty agro crowd and since there is really only one take off zone in front of gnarly rocks 6 guys could be too crowded. This day however that was not the case and there were actually so many waves in each set and good in between waves that lots of waves actually went unridden. I started on my 5’10 but quickly due to the power and intensity had to move to my bigger board, which completely turned the session around.

Before that happened on my second wave I took off super late and deep after this guy sitting deeper then me got hung up in the lip dropping in. I was deep and late but totally confident that I was going to make it. I grabbed my rail and set up for a quick little pig dog off the drop. I guess this older guy sitting a little down the line from me thought that was the end of me and decided to go for the wave underestimating my ability. I ended up coming out of the bottom of the foam ball straight into my bottom turn only to look up at what I expected to be the falling lip I was anticipating on hitting. Instead I see this dude coming right down on top of me. I quickly attempted to torque the section gabbing my rail to cut my bottom turn shorter, but it was to no avail and the guy landed square on top of me. I don’t know what happened but what I do know is someone was looking out for me cause somehow I did not get hurt and my board was fine. Dude was super apologetic and considering the difficulty of the wave I was attempting to make I did not make a big deal of it.

3: 10/23/09 – Little Rincon 6-8ft

The swell went nuts. I was awoken by a call from Dave that Little Rincon was going berserk with the occasional 12 footer sweeping over the pier and cleaning up the entire line up. I grab my 6’1 round tail and I needed every inch of it. It was solid 6-8ft with occasional 10-12ft sets. There were about 15 guys on it but only three of us wanted anything to do with the bombs. I caught some of the best waves I have ever ridden at that spot or even Santa Barbara for that matter.

This is me on one of the small ones from this session

2: 10/24/09 – Pitas 4-6ft+

I got the best Pitas Pt I have ever surfed in my life. It was only about head high to slightly overhead but not a drop of water out of place. Pitas is a very sectiony point unlike Rincon despite its similar proximity in size. Usually if you can bang out three turns or get a quick barrel your stoked on your ride. This session however the lines were just running down the point connecting each section. You still had to be very fast but on the right one the rides had to be close to 300 yards. Did I mention there were barrels too? The crowd at its max was 15 guys and no one was hassling.  My very last wave I rode from the top of the point all the way to the top of Mondos, which is probably close to a 700 yard ride.  To this day it is still the best Pitas I have ever surfed.

 

1: 10/26/09 – Rincon 5-7ft

I had some friends from NJ visiting for this session and it blew their minds.  I was skeptical on how big it would be, but as we began to get in gazing distance of the top of the point I could tell just by looking at the swells hitting La Conchita that Rincon was solid. I was just sitting there in the back of the car saying “We have to turn around, Rincon is really really good”. Then we passed the point from the highway where it comes into full view and everyone was screaming with pure stoke.

From there it was a mad dash into our wetsuits and down the point, despite one salty local whom I surf with everywhere who upon seeing me with four friends shook his head at me. C’mon due its fucking Rincon. It’s no secret spot and there were 100 people out already anyway. What is four more at that point? California surfers really piss me off with shit like that.

As we come out of the trail and behold the line up it was pretty amazing. Everywhere you looked someone was getting barreled. It was almost stupid. The place looked like a beach break but it was Rincon. The crowd was focused between Lower Indicator and High to

Mid River Mouth. I opted to surf Low River Mouth, High Cove where there was only a handful of people sitting and still plenty of great waves to be had, plus on a 5’9 I was a little under gunned for the well overhead bomb sets coming off the top of the point. I still had to grab my rail on some of my bottom turns to keep from maxing out. I did not bring a bigger board cause I was not expecting there to be so much swell.

Everyone got some really epic waves. Charles was in serious awe of the wave. I think for the rest of his trip if not still mystified by the whole experience. The wave can be a real siren for some. It is the reason I gave up my entire life and moved out here. Alex got some good ones but unfortunately had some equipment malfunctions, ripping out one of the fins off his Merrick keel fish. Then he went back to the car and borrowed Dave’s long board which he subsequently lost to the rocks dinging both the nose and the tail. Mark was buzzing on his new J7, no surprise considering it was Keoni’s magic board. That left a very stoked Dave and I who traded super fun waves in the cove practically to ourselves till we could not see anymore. The whole crew was stoked as could be.
Well I think it is pretty clear that 2009 in October kicked this year in the ass by a landslide.

Nothing like the beautiful view of open face in front of you.

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What a Difference a Year Makes: October 2010

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 6, 2010| 1 Comment »

This week the UCB gods, err; just me actually (I am in no way insinuating that I am The God or a god although I could be a god, but I would just settle for leader of some type of sick twisted cult that wears all black sneakers with bright orange shoe laces, spandex shorts and white netted tank tops and worships the invention of processed cheese in a can) makes a winner out of my friend Devin who suggested I do a comparison blog on the surf of last season (being the start of NW season is September and runs through May) to this one.  I thought it a rather good idea and not just worthy of a UCB but a new monthly segment.  As a result for his genius (Devin may really be a genius, he definitely is one of the smartest people I know) I will award him 2 points!

Here is how this segment is going to work.  At the close of every month I will pick my five favorite sessions for the Surf Log and compare them to my favorite 5 sessions from Last winter’s unprecedented near epic El Nino season.  I will also throw down a by the numbers on how many sessions I had for the month, how many days I surfed and which spots I surfed the most.  Enjoy!

October 2010 by the numbers:

Number of Sessions – 31
Days Surfed – 25
Average Wave Height – 2-3ft

Surf Spots

New Jetty – 9
Rincon – 7
River Mouth – 4
C Street – 3
Emma Wood – 3
Pitas – 2
Hollywood – 1
Jalama – 1
Leo Carrillo – 1

Top 5 Sessions

5: 10/13/10 AM Session – 2-4ft, Leo Carrillo
I had high hopes for this session, but when I got to Ventura it was foggy, cold, windy and small.   This led me to car surf for over two hours before using the benefit of intel from both my friends Ryan and Devin I decided to go to Malibu for some late season south swell action and better winds.  I met Devin at Leo where it was a bit inconsistent but fun chest to head high peaks coming in with a light crowd of ten or so sitting on the rock.  Leo is a super tight line up so on an inconsistent day like this ten was still almost too crowded.  I had the whole day and in the course of a three and a half hour session managed to surf a bunch of fun rights despite the typical rude selfish L.A. surf mentality.

4: 10/14/10 PM Session – 2-4ft, Santa Clarita River Mouth
I never have high hopes for an after work session especially if I have to go to Ventura where more times then not the wind is going to be on it.  The Cstreet cam was showing clean chest to head high waves coming in behooving me to believe that the harbor would have good conditions also. I headed that way figuring on surfing New Jetty, but upon checking it noticed that the late season south swell was working its magic on the ledgey sand bars at river mouth, a sight I have not seen since late spring time this year.  I called this new guy at work Kevin, who met me in the parking lot at the knoll and together with about five other guys spread along 8 different peaks we enjoyed glassy slab lefts.  It was a fucking below sea level, backless barrel fest.

3: 10/5/10 AM Session – 2-4+ft, New Jetty

Its pretty ironic that today was also what I would call a “Jersey Session” except unlike yesterday I am using it to describe an awesome surf.  The wind was offshore, a California rarity, sure there is always that myth about “Santa Anna Winds”.  They blow for like a day and a half.  I think if I see a dozen true offshore days a year out here it is a lot.  This morning was one of them.  I pulled up to New Jetty and Im not going to lie it looked a little fat with the high tide and around eight guys one it not making it look all that fun. Then after ten minutes of watching I saw a left or two a bit up the beach from the usual take off spot suck out and throw.  That was enough for me.  What ensued was an onslaught of barrels.  If I did 12 turns the entire session it was a lot.  I got pitted off my ass on left and right keggers all fucking morning till the wind went side shore at noon but it was fine cause I had been out since around 8:30.

2: 10/15/10 AM Session – 3-5ft, Jalama
There is nothing like getting a break from humanity and making the trek up to Jalama especially with no wind and a holding south swell.  Conditions were glassy and the sand bars have finally gotten back to normal allowing for plenty of fun barrels.  I ended up cruising up with Lindsay being her first time there she was more then amped on the conditions. Crowd was surprisingly heavy with a solid thirty guys from T-Cracks to inside Tarantulas.  I mean this time of year your lucky if there are more then five guys out, but the water was crazy warm so I guess it evens out and besides I still got a ton of great waves.    I also found out they sell a Jalama pass for $44 bucks for the year.  Im all over that.

1: 10/29/10 – AM Session – 4-6ft, River Mouth

There are good surf session, there are great surf session and then there are sessions that go down as all time. This morning at River Mouth was one of the latter. It was a barrel factory out there. The first hour was nothing but perfect left and right hand draining barrels with light offshore winds. By 11am I had gotten so many deep barrels I had lost count. It reminded me of really good Hatteras. Everywhere you looked someone was getting spit out of a tube or there was a perfect cylinder running through unridden. After three solid hours the wind came up ending one of the better sessions I have had this fall and in the last six months.

***If you like these little synopses of my surf sessions feel free to visit my surf log on this blog where I post my surf sessions daily.***

Here is my favorite picture of me from October and also from the best session as well.

This guy is all ready to join the cult.

mmmmmm...processed cheese in a can

Stay tuned for last October’s comparisons tomorrow!

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Its A Small World After All (UCB)

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , on October 29, 2010| 10 Comments »

This week Mauriello finds his way back on top with the UCB topic Midgets.  He further elaborates with have I ever touched a midget and would I like to.  If I had a son that was born a midget would I cut my losses and murder him?  Truth be told I was at first a little appalled by this topic finding it a bit inappropriate, a bit juvenile and overall stupid.

Then I remembered that all three of those entities are exactly what this blog thrives on.  If there are any little people out there or vertically challenged humanoids as the politically correct term for them, I do not mean to offend.  Its all in good fun.  Hate the game not the player.   Even though using the word midget is technically like using a certain “N” word when referring to people who came to America from Africa years ago, Im going to use it anyway for this blogs purposes.

First off let me just say that I find midgets to be extraordinary micro people of whose presence on this planet I find to be unrivaled by any.  I could sit around and watch them all day with their little arms and legs and their tiny clothes.  I think midgets should have their own little villages where only they can live but us big people could visit on occasion.  Sort of like an Indian reservation, but with out all the casinos and alcoholism although I guess if the wee men decided they wanted those things in their village it would be ok by me.

I would much rather it though if they set up a sort of shire type existence like in Lord of the Rings.  Those Hobbits were real fun loving people so why cant a village full midgets be the same way, but with out the hairy feet. That shit really nauseated me.  Hopefully they wont be as gay as Elijah Wood and that Sam guy were.  Fuck. I’m getting the hebbie jebbies just thinking about it.

Just Imagine getting to take a weekend getaway to midget town USA.  It would be like people who enjoy going out to Amish country to get away from it all and get great deals on hand made furniture.  I don’t really think midgets would be very good at making furniture due to obvious constraints in their physique but they could give hours of entertainment, especially if we make a law that says they have to dress up like great rolls played by movie midgets, such as the star wars characters, or Mini Me, or the Muppets (I know they were puppets but it would be great to go to a midget town where everyone was a Muppet).  That would be better then discounted furniture any day.

They could even have all midget sporting event leagues.  Imagine watching a midget football or hockey game, that would be classic.  As far as touching a midget, I have never had that pleasure, not sexually or just mutually like a handshake or hug.  I have never had the luck to meet a midget as an acquaintance.  Would I fuck a midget lady?  If she had all the goods I would do it.  They had this cute blond midget on an episode of Sienfeld once that I totally could have got down with.

As far as a midget child goes heck no I would not kill him. On the contrary I would have so much fun with that kid.  First off he would have to dress up in different costumes weekly.  Monday would be Ewok day, Friday Yoda day, Tuesday Froddo day, Wednesday he would just dress like a dog and crawl around on all fours.  The other days he could be whatever he wants but it would have to be some type of festive costume.  Also he would have to become skilled at juggling and other circus type tasks of entertainment so that I could have my own little carnival at home.  I could even loan him out to friends for parties and other fun events.  A world without midgets my friends would be a very sad place indeed.

This video clip from the movie “Being John Malckovich” pretty much gives you the idea of what Im talking about with a midget town

Who wouldnt want to have a beer with her?

Imagine a whole village of there guys!!!

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Little Green Men From Mars (UCB)

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2010| 3 Comments »

After a brief reprieve Kooky Kyle climbs back into the limelight with this week’s UCB win.  He asked for my thoughts on aliens, not people from other countries living in the United States but extra terrestrial beings from Space.  He wanted to know if I thought they exist and if they have visited earth.

I must write that I am a realist in most of my beliefs and that I don’t really have much strong inkling in the supernatural on a whole.  I don’t feel strongly either way about the presence of a god, but will consider myself an agnostic.  I don’t obsess of ghosts yet wont put the possibility of their existence completely out of my mind.  The existence of aliens falls into similar respects to the previous two categories, although I think out of the three it is the one I feel the most strongly about.

Yes I do believe that there are or were other beings out in space.  If one was to just go by the pure mathematical probability of their existence a sensible person could not rule out the possibility that life exists outside of Earth.  There are billions of planets, galaxies, etc out there in space.  Their numbers are infinite.

Now knowing that fact can one really sit there and say that Earth is the only planet in the entire universe and so forth that is able to sustain life?  That’s impossible; some where out there Im sure there are others.  Of course the issue is where, when and how far.  We can be pretty sure that in our immediate solar system there is no life or at least life in such as us considering the climate and make up of the other planets.

Then when one looks at solar systems and galaxies light years away well the possibility of life becomes more probable.  How far away are we talking?  Light years, billions of light years?  Whatever the case we are talking about places too far away for us to reach under our current situation of reasoning.  Also maybe life did exist in other places but had died out.

Our own planet has a dead line.  At some point our sun is going to burn out making sustainable life on Earth impossible.  Evidence has been found on both Mars and a moon off Jupiter of the possibility that life once existed there.  For me its not a question of if aliens exist but more of when and how far.

For these reasons I think the possibility of us actually making contact is slim to none.  Our ability to travel light years successfully is far far away.  I would say a hundred years or better if we can manage to keep a stable world economy to allow for such progress to happen.  I don’t see us ever having the technology to make such travel a reality.

If there are alien life forms out there who have developed the technology to travel such distances I would think either they would want nothing to do with us deciding that the inhabitants of Earth are too simple to be bothered with or would decided to show up and mow us down with their superior technology.  Hopefully the former and not the latter is the case.

Could extra terrestrials have already visited Earth?  That is a possibility as well.  If for instance an entire race of people existed some hundred of light years away and they reached the sophistication of such travel then they may have already reached Earth some hundreds of years ago.  Many primitive cultures such as the Egyptians and Mayans certainly had similar beliefs in a higher power and both also built pyramids that are somewhat a mystery to us of their construction.  Both had a highly advanced understanding of math and science as well that was far beyond their time of reasoning and comprehension.

Did aliens come down and teach these primitive peoples a thing or two and even live amongst them? It certainly although rather far fetched is not out of the question.  It is a bit of a coincidence that two races of people living far apart from each other on different sides of the globe built very similar structures during the same time period.  Shit maybe aliens are living with us right now and we don’t even know it.

So are aliens real? Do they visit us?  I think its very plausible but at this time Im still not going to commit to any side of the issue.  I personally like to believe that there are others out there.  It just does not make logical sense that we are the only planet that has or had sustained life.   

 

The Aliens Have Landed!

 

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Why You Should Root For Kelly Slater (UCB)

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , on October 14, 2010| 4 Comments »

Well I have to commend everyone for stepping up the ante in the UCB race this quarter.  I have gotten so many submissions it made picking a winner this week rather challenging.  I don’t want to sound like a whinny bitch but if we could try and use surfingruinedmylife.com comments to post future submissions I would be greatly appreciative.  You see word press, my server allows me to compile all comments onto one page making it very easy to sort through all of your entries.

It’s a bit more time consuming when I have to check through days of face book comments, emails, myspace, etc.  I will still take submissions through those mediums but I definitely prefer it if you post here.  Its really easy all you have to do is set up a user name and password.  It only takes like a minute of you time and then you can leave lude comments on my blog whenever you like.

This weeks victory goes to Nick the Kook who suggested I write about Slater’s 10th title run.  At the time of his posting I was not even considering this topic, but just recently Kelly won the Portugal event of the world tour bringing him within spitting distance of title number 10.  His clinching it is almost eminent.

Slater gets a bad rep sometimes in surfing with people claiming they are tired of him winning or that he gets over scored or is a sell out.  I have heard everything.  Fuck man the guy rips, flat out rips.  He has dominated the sport now for over 20 years.  The guy is a living legend.

Not to mention he is one of the coolest people to surf with in the water.  At the most crowded days at both Rincon and Malibu he never drops in on anyone despite the fact that people will burn him out of spite.  Even when such an instance occurs Kelly is still smiling.  He is a true testament to the human spirit and that anything really is possible.

Here was a poor kid from a broken home growing up in south Florida surfing the crappiest waves ever.  From that he managed to break every record in professional surfing.  He misses round one of events cause he is off scoring waves someplace else.  He brought surfing into the limelight through his dominance.  Everyone knows who Kelly Slater is even people who know very little about surfing at all.

He was once voted one of Time Magazine’s most beautiful people, was on network television, toured in a terrible rock band, dated super models.  How can you hate on a guy like that.  Kelly is living a dream and if you have a dream too then there is no reason to be angry at a person living his.  At 38 years old he has shown us all that its possible to high performance surf well into our later years.  Thanks to Slater you don’t have to stop doing airs at thirty.

New School, Old School, Mod col, whatever, Slater has dominated them all.  I think we will be hard pressed to see anyone for a long time rip down the dynasty Kelly Slater has built.  When he takes the world title for the tenth time no one will be happier for him then me.  Every time Im doing something hard and want to give up I always think about Slater and how hard it must have been for him to remain dominant all these years and I put my head down and keep at it.  Thank you Slater for giving me something to believe in.

 

After all these years of winning he is still stoked.

 

 

 

Who says Slater cant keep up with the kids?

 

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The Essence of the Backside Bottom Turn

Posted in Surf Tips, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , on October 7, 2010| 1 Comment »

Mark Occhilupo has arguably one of the best backsides in surfing, ever.

This weeks UCB makes a victor of Kooky Kyle whom is getting yet again back on a roll with two wins in a row.  If he gets a hat trick (three in a row) he will be awarded an extra half point.  He suggested I right about the essence of the backside bottom turn.  Since it is officially Rincon season I figured why not.

Backside surfing is the proverbial double edged sword.  Those who have it mastered are either goofy foots living in the northern hemisphere or world class surfers in general.  Everyone respects a surfer with a strong backside.  It’s the corner stone to solid surfing, the ability to go both left and right with out a care in the world.

 

For me being a goofy foot born and bred in the mainly right dominated beach break of northern New Jersey backside surfing was never a consideration but just another instinct like breathing.  The funny thing is I surf with so many people, especially here in Santa Barbara who always are hesitant to go backside.  It seems too, that regular foots will always take a right over a left when they can find them, while a goofy will take a right over left at times.

 

Personally I almost find it more enjoyable to have my back against the wall.  Surfing backside allows me in many cases to fit better into the barrel and draw that picturesque backside bottom turn.  The backside bottom turn may be the one of the most ascetic yet highly functional moves in surfing.   I mean lets face it good backside surfing is completely based off your ability to get out in front of the wave any way.  How is that done?  The backside bottom turn.

 

I find it to be one of my favorite feelings, next to getting barreled and doing a massive air.  There is nothing like the way a perfect backside bottom turn rings home through your lions.  The initial drop straight down in front of the wave pulling as far straight as you can before losing the wave.  Then at the moment when it feels like all could be lost, make it or break it, you lean back on your inside rail with your back foot, un weight your front foot and all of a sudden with all the natural pull of the ocean and your body weight you feel the inertia of being catapulted back into the steadily crashing lip.

 

The size, length and shape of the wave will distinguish the extent and gnarlieness of the turn itself.  After all you can do the best bottom turn in the world but if it does not amount to anything then it was all for nil.  Its winter time now so for me it is finally back to nothing but long fast hard backside bottom turns for ridiculous amounts of distance at many of the various points around, but mainly reserved for Rincon.  I love winter.

Here is my lousy backside bottom turn.

Here it is closer up.

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I’ll Have My Cake and Eat it Too (UCB)

Posted in Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on October 1, 2010| Leave a Comment »

This week Kooky Kyle strikes back getting a star on the board.  Got to be honest people its still a two way street between Kooky and Mauriello.  Now that we are myspace free there really is no reason not to play.  Kooky asked what I would rather surf, Sand sucking barrels or perfect lined up waves such as Trestles.

The answer my friend is that I will take both.  As a matter of fact I live on a wave, you may have heard of it, Sand Spit that offers both sand sucking barrels and rip able walls.  Also Rincon on Low tide will barrel like a motherfucker and also allow for plenty of performance.  El Capitan is a crazy heavy barrel that also offers high performance surfing.  I live within a 15 mile radius of all these waves.

There are waves like this all over the world.  J-Bay and Snapper Rocks offer great barrels and rip able sections.  If you give me the choice of Beach, Reef, or Point Break, I will always take the point break no contest.  On a beach break you may get a handful of days a year where every wave is perfect but 90% of the time your bobbing and weaving and fishing through close outs lucky to find a half dozen good ones at best.  Meanwhile at a point even the not so perfect waves are pretty damn killable.  As far as barreling reefs go I find them fun to visit but would get bored of just pulling in everyday.

Sand Spit doing its thing.

Snapper Rocks, barrel and performance.

El Capitan, Need I say anymore?

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Something Smells Fishy (UCB)

Posted in User Choice BLog on September 23, 2010| 5 Comments »

Looks like we are starting off this quarter’s UCB very similar to last with suggestions only coming in from Kooky and Mauriello. Both put up rather inappropriate topics but I guess that is not to unexpected now that this blog is free from Myspace and therefore completely unabated by any censorship what so ever.  I mean I guess things got pretty raunchy from time to time back on myspace, so who am I to cheat the public from what they want?

Mauriello suggested I write a blog about vaginas.  Now this is a topic I am by far no expert in, yet one I spend a great deal of my time in pursuit of.  This being the case I felt it warranted addressing.  The first time I saw one was back in 5th grade in a porno mag and really had no idea what I was looking at and was more grossed out then pleased.

It actually took me years to appreciate the full extent of the vagina and how contrasting each one is from the other.  I mean dicks look all the same.  You seen one you seen them all.  Sure some are bigger, some are fatter etc, but overall its all the same hardware.  But vaginas on the other hand are these mystical entities with many layers and in my opinion no two are alike.  I should have become a gynecologist this way I could have gotten paid to stare a vaginas all day, cause I could.  Then on second thought think of all the nasty ass diseased pussies I would come across.  The occupation would probably turn me off of them all together.

Good thing Im not a gynecologist and a cook instead.  The elasticity of a vagina blows my mind.  I mean the fact that a baby comes out of that thing is nuts and I have seen some porn where many a thing that should not have fit found its way in.  Orally I must admit I am somewhat challenged down there.  No matter my efforts I have never gotten a chick off from eating her out.  I may be skilled in many areas in the bedroom but in this one I fall totally short.  Its too bad too cause I find chowing box to be rather enjoyable.

Wow! Did I really just write that?  This blog has already gone way too far, thanks John.  As far as periods go I am not a fan.  When my girl friend has hers I might as well be having it too cause it’s a pain in my ass as well.  I cant really blame women for being the way they are that time of the month.  I mean if I bleed out of my dick uncontrollably for a week I would be pissed and aggravated too.

In all seriousness I find vaginas to be very beautiful and totally worth all the effort it takes to conquer one.  There is nothing more gratifying when you have a women quivering in your arms after a job well done.  If I offended anyone from this blog, I sincerely apologize.  Mauriello gets 1.5 points for scoring the first UCB blog of the quarter.

Here is a group of Viginas strolling around town

Its a Vagina Couch! I think Im going to have to buy this.

Here is some scientific mombojumble.

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And the Winner Is?

Posted in User Choice BLog on September 18, 2010| 14 Comments »

Its been quite a vivacious quarter this third Summer quarter of the UCB franchise. Can you believe we have been running with the UCB since 07? Of course back then people actually participated in the UCB besides Kooky Kyle and John Mauriello, oh and I forgot occasionally Nick Kiefer too. I know I was going to disband the UCB after the summer, but given the fact that I moved the blog to a new home off of the “myspace Internet ghetto” as Kiefer so referred to it, I decided to give it one more shot.

Its survival will all depend on you the reader’s participation. I may change the day the UCB gets written but in the mean time we will keep it on Thursdays. This upcoming Thursday 9/23 will be the first of the Fall and final quarter of 2010. Kooky has already taken the first three, someone please dont let him sweep the year. As usual the first of the quarter will be worth 1.5 points. The quarter will run from 9/23-12/31. If you do not know what the UCB is or want to participate but dont know the rules click the UCB tab at the top of the screen for more details.

The winner is?

Kooky Kyle!!!!!!!

No fucking surprise there he ended up earning a whopping 10 points.

John Mauriello got 2nd with 3.5 points
Nick Kiefer got 3rd with 3 points

Who will win the winter quarter?  Maybe it will be you.  If you dont want to use your name because you are too embarrassed to let anyone know you read my shitty blog your more then welcome to post under a screen alias such as Spider or White Snake (you dont have to use one of those names, it can be anything your little hear desires, unless you have a big heart in which case you might not live as long as other people.  I heard elephantiasis of the heart can shorten the life span of the average human by 43 percent, Ok I made up that last number but I know if definitely lessens ones life span).

Here is a funny cat cartoon Ades found on the internet.

There is your reward for being Champ Kooky (picture courtesy of http://www.lefthandedtoons.com

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Keep Keeping On! (UCB)

Posted in Life, User Choice BLog on September 10, 2010| 6 Comments »

Monday marked the close of the summer quarter of the UCB and I had promised a triple points blog to one astute participating reader.  Well the race got very close there toward the end, but I once again have to unofficially give the crown to Kooky Kyle winning I believe his third straight quarter this year.   Any who there will be a winner’s blog next week to crown our champion.  This weeks UCB will go down on Sunday and being the first of the quarter it is worth 1.5 points.

Kooky asked I write on how to Keep Keeping On.  Now this may seem an almost illiterate suggestion but actually it is a somewhat common phrase in Lisantbonics. I have heard if used by others as well, thus Im not claiming I invented the phrase but I am a strong believer in its message.

What the fuck is Lisanti talking about?  I know that is what you’re thinking; yet I feel it should be a common theme to HowSurfingRuinedMyLife.net.  The essence of “Keep Keeping On” is one’s day-to-day struggle in the undertaking of life.  It refers to the bad times in life, the adversities one must overcome in order to strive for greatness.  Basically when you scrape the bottom of the barrel it is the initiative taken to climb the fuck out of there.

Keep Keeping On is not easy; at times it seems damn near impossible.  Some people I have observed find it easier then others, I think it is your less passionate type who rarely find rock bottom.  The drones sleep walking their way through life not contributing nor depleting, just another cog in the machine.  I don’t know if it is a better existence to be a cog, but certainly by going that route one will find him with less hurtles to jump over.

Those types of people bring a tear to my eyes and I pity them so.  Sure they are necessary to our survival as a human conglomerate, if everyone was trotting the path less taken then it would not be the path less taken in which I probably would have become an accountant or something really lame like that since it would be the path less taken, but that is a whole other can of worms not be opened up here or this blog might go on for pages.

People who don’t settle, cant even comprehend what the word settle means.  Its not even in my vocabulary and every time I make the slightest attempt on it I end up losing my mind.  These types of people are the ones who Keep Keeping On applies to.  When one goes and chases his hopes and dreams more times then not there will be many obstacles along the way.  Or on the other hand if our dreamer finds he has settled may wake up one day be completely disillusioned.

When such events happen this type of person hits a low point of heavy despair, even depression.  I have been here many times.  There were times I felt so alienated I just wanted to walk into a crowded intersection with an automatic weapon and just start taking people out.  I have also felt that the continuation of the act of living too much to bear as well. No matter how low I sink somehow, some way I climb out of my pit and when I do I find myself much stronger from it all and a better person all around.

How do I do it?  That was the initial question in the first place.  First off suicide is not an option to me though I may regularly joke about it.  I have never really had much of an understanding of why anyone would take his or her own life.  No matter how low things look and how one’s current situation may be there is always a way out.  At that moment of absolute despondency things may seem hopeless, but in actuality they are not.  We have the power to change our situation all the time.

In most cases its just a matter of giving up.  I always here people say things like “its too hard” or “I cant do this”.  I have never believed I could not do anything.  It’s just a matter of time, patience, education and practice.  With these four idioms I believe that anything is possible.   Say for example I wanted to become an astronaut.  Now you probably thinking that is impossible Chris you’re too old.

I could go back to school study my ass off, get into the right programs and maybe in ten years or so be qualified to embark on a space mission.  Personally I don’t care to put in all that effort, but if it was something I really wanted I would go for it. If I failed at least I know I gave it my best efforts.

It’s like my professional surfing career.  Truth be told it never really happened for me, but I tried my hardest to make it happen Nothing really popped off and after many years of trials and tribulations I decided to cash in my chips and put my efforts into a new plan (read my ten year plan blog for that one https://surfingruinedmylife.net/2010/09/05/the-ten-year-plan-ucb/).

Its been a long blog for a really short answer.  I Keep Keeping On by Keep Keeping On.  I don’t ever give up.  If one plan fails I come up with a new one.  That is the key right there.  “If you fall down you must get back up again” otherwise you’re just laying there in the dirt like a fool.  I may go through periods of depression and self loathing, but I always come out of it and if you do too you will find more strength within then you ever knew was there before.  I Keep Keeping On because I know that no matter what happens thinks are going to work out in my favor in the end.

Here is a guy who is a true testament to Keep Keeping On.

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