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Pitching A Tent

Posted in Anger, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 15, 2011| 2 Comments »

Tell me that does not look like the face of a happy camper? Circa 2006

A fresh quarter in the UCB franchise begins now. Yeah I know its fucking three weeks late into the game.  I’m sorry things have been crazy here in Lisanti Land, both good and bad.  Some amazing things have happened and there will be a blog about it soon.  It’s going to be a long one so bring your attention span.  This first UCB of the season makes of victor of Scotty B, who threw down the topic Camping.  Since I just got back from camping at San Onofre State Beach down in Orange County (see Orange County Can Keep Lowers blog) it seemed like the perfect topic to delve into.  Scotty gets 1.5 points for scoring this incipient blog.

 

I fucking hate camping.  Not even a little bit.  I would rather get hit across the shins with the metal end of a rusty shovel then sleep in a tent.  There is nothing mystical about it.  Its uncomfortable, always either too hot or too cold and for whatever reason more times then not I wake up with so much moisture around me I feel like I am in the rain forest.  The only time I can justify camping is if I am in the middle of nowhere at some beautiful far away outpost where no accommodation exists and the stain of man left far behind.

 

Otherwise you can keep that bullshit.  When I talk about camping a Winnabago does not count.  One can not call pulling up to a spot in the woods in a giant RV that is nicer then my apartment, with a satellite dish on the roof and full kitchen and restroom camping.  I don’t know what to call it.  Maybe just plain dumb.  I hate those fucking things, their bull shit.  You don’t know how many times I have almost been run off the road by some yahoo who has no idea how to drive something of that size?  Too many to count.

 

Unfortunately for a person who can’t stand camping I have spent way way way too many nights in tent sleeping on the ground in my life.  Between budget Hatteras trips, to making my money get me further while competing at pro events to feral surf trips.  Remember, most places will let you pitch a tent for $10 or less.  Shoots I am pitching a tent in my pants for free right now.  If you are really an intrepid soul you can always go off into the bush and squat somewhere in your tent for free.

 

Sindia and I almost did that in Oz along this sketch dirt road in the middle of a national forest there, but after setting up the tent and spending ten minutes we had thoughts of some psycho killer coming out and hacking us to pieces (that was before I wanted to get stabbed).  You want to know what camping means to me?  Aches and pains, dirty, stinky bathrooms, adverse experiences with bugs, out door cold water showers (if they even provide showers), dirt, ghetto cooking, sleep depravation, and usually sickness.  I am not an Indian. I like to have a roof and four walls over my head.

 

Call me a little prissy bitch.  I am sorry but I like to take long luxurious showers (I tap the hot water out 90% of the time), and prim myself.  I don’t like being dirty and there being mud and sand everywhere.  Most of all I like having a bed!  Fuck camping, I will be at the four seasons, although in my case the reality of the situation would be the Holiday Inn.

I think this says it all folks.

Another type of tent pitching.

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Orange County Can Keep Lowers

Posted in News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 13, 2011| 14 Comments »

Picture perfect Lowers. Isn't it grand when things look good on paper?

Ahhh…summertime in Santa Barbara, what a great time to be here according to tour books and international visitors.  If you’re a surfer on the other hand summer it is all about hassle, especially if one decides to keep surfing through the season.  Sure there is the occasional short period wind swell day here and there, but for the bulk of the time the channel is a complete lake.  That is just how the tourists like it here on the “American Riviera”.

Best bet if you surf, go on an extended trip, crash at a friends pad for the season down in Orange or San Diego Counties or find another way to occupy your time.  For me summertime is all about surfing marginal waves for which I drive nearly forty miles each way to get.  There is nothing better then burning $5 a session in gas to go surf garbage.  Ok, its not that bad, I mean most of the time it is far better then what I would be surfing back in NJ this time of year.  I’m just jaded these days.  Five years in California will do that to a person, especially up here where beach breaks are scarce and good points and reefs the norm.

Usually by this time in the summer I have scored a good day at Malibu or Jalama, even a sick day or two at River Mouth.  This year unfortunately that has not been the case.  A good south swell was forecasted for early week and two opportunities for me to get some quality surf for a change presented themselves.  The first a boat trip out to the Channel Islands.  This was the one I really hoped would materialize, but just like that ranch connection that never comes through, it never happened.

Luckily my boy Kevin and his friends, Luis and Jeremy were eager to make the three hour trek south to Trestles just south of San Clemente.  For my non-surfing readers Trestles is one of the most famous surf spots in the United States and one of the top in the world as well.  It is considered by most the hot bed for progressive surfing in the continental US.  Anyone who is anyone has surfed the wave at some point in his/her life.  Its one of those places every serious surfer should visit before death.

Basically Trestles consists of a collection of coble stone reef breaks with in a ten mile span of beach.  Going north to south you have Cottons, a mushy left that can be fun on the right swell direction, wind and tide and usually has the least crowd factor.  Then there is Uppers a rather punchy right with the occasional closed out left that draws a sizable crowd being it is the closest break from the trail.  Following Uppers you have Lowers, the crown jewel of Trestles offering a 50-100 yard wally left and a 100-250+ yard right that although a bit softer allows for just about anything the imagination has in store when it comes to wave riding.

Lowers is always packed with everything form top pros, to hot up and coming groms, to kooks, long boarders and every type of surf tourist you can imagine.  That being said if you just get one or two good ones you will be more then satisfied.  After Lowers you will come to Middles, a collection of mainly closed out bowls that serve up on the right day some fun killable peaks and is a refreshing break from its always crowded counter parts.  The most discouraging thing about Middles is one has to watch lowers peel off perfectly in the distance, while surfing short ended closeouts.

Finally after middles you have Churches, a usually mushy and sectiony right hander more known for long boarding then anything else.  On the right day though the place can fire.  I surfed there about five years ago and it was solid overhead and dredging for easily 150 yards.

I used to fancy all the spots at Trestles, opting to surf Lowers as little as possible just to avoid the horrendous crowds.  These days being a Californian now and a seasoned Rincon aficionado I have become completely desensitized to stupid obnoxious crowds.  I always get my waves eventually anyway and would much rather catch fewer waves that are really good then a bunch of garbage any place else.

We showed up at Lowers Monday (7-11) and it was solid 6-8ft with bigger sets and to my surprise only had about twenty guys on it.  The wind was a little bit funky but there were still great left and rights coming in.  The lefts had more juice then the rights.  I went out there and absolutely frothed for three hours.  I have never surfed out at Lowers and pretty much had my pick of waves.  I mean there was still plenty of scraping and jostling to get the good ones but it was nowhere near as intense as usual.

I went in for lunch and hung out on the beach before paddling back out for the evening glass off session.  The tide had gotten a bit higher, but the surf filled in a little more and it was very clean.  Unfortunately the crowd came in with the tide and it got really shifty.  Between both those factors getting the good ones became very frustrating.  I did manage to snag one huge right I managed around eight turns on and two really fun lefts, one I stuck a crazy vertical tail free thing, where I came completely unglued on the re-entry yet somehow managed to recover and then get three more turns.  The last I had a solid ally-oop.  It was a good day of surfing.

After a double session and an entire day at the beach I was over Trestles and ready to come home.  My compadres unfortunately for me were still stoked.  I soon found myself in my least favorite situation: camping.  We got ourselves a plot over at San Onofre State Beach on the bluffs.  Luckily my boy Kevin had a two man tent and a queen size blow up mattress making the night more bearable.  The boys and I lit a solid camp fire (you know how much I love fire), talked some story, and ate a gigantic pizza made for us by this crazy skin head dude who was completely tattooed from head to toe at a local joint in San Clemente. The pie was surprisingly not bad or I was so hungry it did not matter.  I would bank on the latter.

Next morning thanks to certain lazy members of the group we got a super late start, getting to Lowers after ten.  We parked and walked up from San-O.  Let me give the reader a sound piece of advice: that is not the way to go.  The walk is ten times harder; being one has to trek across hot soft sand for an easy two hundred yards.  To our dismay Lowers was blown to shit and there were easily 75 guys on it, six cameras on the beach, wannabe pros and invidious colored wetsuits everywhere.

I did manage to run into my old photographer Dave Molleck as he was cruising.  It was nice to catch up with him after moving to New Port for more opportunity to make it as a surf photographer.  Not stoked I watched it for over an hour as the sun burned the fuck out of my skin (a fact I am not enjoying today). Finally Kevin and I forced ourselves to give it a go and by far it was the most demoralizing sessions ever.

I have not been in a shit fight for waves like that since last summer at Malibu.  It was a straight up battlefield out there.  I literally had to push a 14 year old hot headed grom off a wave.  I was already up on the left and he stood up to try and backdoor the right.  He yelled at me and I grabbed his arms and sent him off the back.  That was my first good wave out there.  When I was kid I would never challenge a person of higher rank then myself for a wave, alas times have changed.

After about and hour and a half the crowd died and I began getting some really good right-handers.  I had three in row where I banged out 6-10 solid turns.  I would have surfed another two hours but after two and half hours already I was completely strung out from the previous day and all the exhausting lineup jockeying.  As I was getting out Dane Reynolds showed up and absolutely destroyed the place.  I have surfed with Dane a bunch of times, but have never seen him surf Lowers.  The guy made every other surfer out there look like a kook and judging from my knowledge of his ability he was having an off session for him.

I was contemplating another session before cruising, but I was sun burnt, completely enervate and eager to get back up to the “Barb” by a decent hour.  Looking back I probably should have sucked it up and paddled.  This was the first time I had been back at Lowers in three years and I think I am good for another three years.  Give me a good day at Rincon any day.  Winter is coming!!!!!

The reality of surfing Lowers.

The reality of surfing Lowers.


LNF: Lowers Raid! from Lastnamefirst.tv on Vimeo.

 

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Clearing My Head: SF Day 4

Posted in Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 26, 2011| 6 Comments »

Empty Waves of north county

When I initially decided to travel to San Francisco I had a few must visit items.  Alcatraz was one of them and the giant redwoods was another.  Alcatraz was out because upon research the cheapest tour was $26 and just a tad to pricey for John’s and my budget.  Yesterday the plan was to meet up with my old roommate Brennan and go up to the redwood forest.

Being from Santa Barbara I never even thought to check the weather report before plotting out how I was to spend each day of my trip.  In Santa Barbara 300 days of the year you can count on sunny days where the temperature always gets above 70 degrees F.  In San Francisco however things are well a little bit more fickle.  While on the phone organizing the day’s festivities with Brennan he mentioned I should check how the weather was going to be.  Sure enough rain was forecasted and upon waking up it was raining and miserable out.

“When one is given lemons why not make lemonade”?  It may have been cold and rainy out but the wind was light for north county Santa Cruz and according to the surf report there were waves.  I love surfing north county and driving the PCH south from SF to Santa Cruz is one of the most awe inspiring rides a person can embark on along the California coast line.  The road traverses along steep cliff side banks with the vast expanse of the blue Pacific Ocean to the west and green rolling hills with scattered eucalyptus tree forests about them.

Along the road one also dips down into all these quaint little coves and valleys where a collection of beaches span out offering solidarity and a variety of river mouth, reef and beach breaks usually empty for the taking.  One must be an intrepid soul for although there may not be another human in sight there other creatures who lurk beneath that my not be so kind.  The men in gray suits ask no question and are non-discriminate in who they decide on taking.  I’m talking about sharks folks.  That whole zone is part of the red triangle and a seal rookery.

We started our way south from Ocean Beach down the Great Ocean Hwy and passed a number of almost adequate looking waves.  With 60 miles of road and over 100 surfing possibilities not to mention a guaranteed pay off at Steamer Lane John and I were not about to settle for anything less then great.  In my head I still had a vendetta to settle with a certain river mouth fed beach break called Gazo Creek back when I visited Santa Cruz in the fall of 2009.  Check back to the Myspace.com blogs for that one.  I may post it as a Blast from the Past at some point.

Long story short my boy Mark and I paddled out there just before dark and it was solid 8-12 ft and macking, but near perfect.  The paddle out was a nightmare and when we got out it was way bigger then we thought and both of us were on 5’9’s completely under gunned.  We freaked out, took one wave and came in.  A surf spot had not beaten me like that in years.  Ever since then like Captain Ahab and his whale I have sworn redemption from this wave.

Before getting to Gazo’s we stopped at this tiny road stop Greek pizzeria called Odyssey Café in Moss Beach just about 20 miles south of San Francisco.  I love little hole in the wall mom and pop type places that serve nothing but comfort food.  Some people are all about gourmet and fine dinning.  Sure that has its place in society but for me it’s all about places like this and I spend my time seeking them out where ever I am.

Odyssey did not disappoint and kept the good eating streak alive.  The place had four tables and offered pizza, Greek specialties and sandwiches all at a very affordable price.  I had a gyro and John got a chicken sandwich, both of which were delicious.  Did I mention they had an eight-foot rusted out metal sculpture of Tyrannosaurus Rex out front?  It was a most pleasant dinning experience.  From there we headed to Gazo Creek.

Gazo’s was small and although a few scattered lefts and rights hardly worth the shark risk.  I knew of spot a little farther south just on the other side of Ano Nuevo that I thought could be fun.  It has a name but for this blog’s purposes and the fact that I would love to surf there again with out being pummeled by angry locals I am going to call it The Saw Mill.   Basically the place has some scattered beach break peaks to the north and to the south about four reef breaks with on premiere right and left.  I had surfed the right back in the fall of 2009 and scored it.

On this particular day the left looked very appealing.  It was far from the best wave I had ever seen but no one was out, it was about chest to head high on set and peeling at least fifty yards down the reef.  I had a couple five to seven turn rides.  It was a bit soft, but every now and then there was the occasional double up and it was glassy.  As we got on our suits the sun came out.  The water was colder then yesterday except it was so much fun out there I did not even care.

John and I had a ball surfing for a solid two and half hours the entire time having the break to ourselves.  In all truth it was near perfect for about an hour and then the tide and wind slowly changed breaking up the lines.  It was still fun but not as easy to make all the connections.  It was by far the best surf session and most fun I have had in nearly a month.  My head has been so clouded lately with lamentations of my failed relationship with Ades.  I think she only popped into my head three times the entire session.

Oops I guess I am going to have to get a punch in the arm from John for that.  I have been obsessing over Adrienne for the past six weeks and now that we are done I need to get her out of my head and mouth.  I told John to punch me whenever I bring her up.  I know it’s a bit inappropriate but it has been helping.  Sometimes I mention her with out even knowing it.  Both my arms are getting pretty black and blue.

After the surf we headed back to town.  Brennan was to come up to the city and meet us for a night of more party shenanigans.   John and I had dinner at this random Chinese food restaurant in his neighborhood.  We ordered chicken chow mien, pork fried rice and General Tso’s chicken.  The General Tso’s was delicious the rest was edible.  I always make it a point to eat Chinese food when I’m in San Francisco.

We met up with Brennan and headed downtown.  I was really excited to go downtown since partying in downtown Santa Barbara is fun I could only imagine how crazy it would be in a major city.  I know it was Wednesday night but I’m sure in New York one can find some very happening parties going off.  John’s fifi being a San Francisco native knew the scene well and gave us two places to go.  The first was a club called Infusion.

At the door there was a small line and the bouncers were pulling that ratio bullshit the guys were pulling on Sunday night.  What is with this town?  Are there no females here?  In Santa Barbara the ratio is solid with out any bouncer interference.  The promoter lady tells us the ratio is 1:1 and unless you have a girl with you the chances of getting in are slim.  If I already had girls with me why the fuck would I need to go out anyway (I had a girl and blew it for just that reason, but that is why I am a fool and am suffering).  The three of us are on line when the promoter tells us to leave.  “Get off the line guys cause your not getting in”.  Meanwhile this pimped out escalade full of gangster looking Mexicans pulls up, all dudes and they walk right in.

I thought she was joking, but then she proceeded to get angry and told us to beat it or they were going to have to take adverse measures.  I have never in my life been kicked off the line at a club before.  We were three well dressed good looking guys that any club should have been happy to let into their establishment.  We went on to the next place, but they wanted $15 to get in on a Wednesday night, Brennan tried to talk the bouncer down to $15 for the three of us, but it was to no avail.

Beaten we went to some other place that had about 35 heads in it, 25 dudes and maybe 10 girls out of which maybe six were not taken and out of that there were really only two decent ones who every other guy there had already hit on.  Brennan always told me how much more fun partying in Santa Barbara was and now I believe it.  All I know is that I hate that I have to resort to going back out to meet people.  Being single sucks. I forgot how little fun the game is.

We bounced out of that place and stopped by an Irish pub that was filled with couples and people over 40 before making our way to a 24 hour diner.  Back in New Jersey I always ended my nights in a late night diner.  It was just the place to brighten up the night.  John was bummed out because he felt he let me down and I was bummed out like I am every night.  We were seated by this very attractive foreign waitress.  She was terrible at her job but good to look at.

It was a classic dingy dinner with terrible food and even worse staff.  Just what the doctor ordered for a smile.  Brennan starts running all these “what if” scenarios like he used to do when we lived together that got all three of us laughing and smiling again.  We ended up hanging out there shooting the shit for nearly two hours.  It was great to be out with two of my best friends and just laugh.  My life for the last two years had been adjoined with another’s and maybe somewhere along the way I lost sight of myself absconded in the collective us.

Now I am finding myself again and it should be a very interesting journey that I need to embrace and not cry about anymore.  John may have been bummed about not finding me a woman up here, but that is not why I came to San Francisco in the first place.  I came out here to celebrate his graduation and be among my genuine friends.  Mission accomplished.

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I Went Surfing Today

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , on April 20, 2011| 8 Comments »

I sat there on the bluff at Emma Wood over looking the pathetic waist to chest high windblown inconsistent mid tide south ground swell lines getting ripped to shreds with four guys on it rather unenthusiastically.  Truth of the matter I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally.  My life has been on a run away train the last two weeks down a track unknown to me.  On another level I feel I have really grown as a person in that short time as well.  Upsetting things happen from time to time and how one reacts to them can really say a lot about their character.

Initially I had many terrible thoughts of anger, rage and revenge (my all time favorite at one point in life).  Instead of going down the paths that have led me constantly astray I sat down and thought out my situation and did what I think was the best thing to do.  I did what I think a “real adult man”, a “respectable man” would have done.  More Im not ready to discuss, but I feel drained.  Someone told me its our actions and the stories we tell that give insight of the person we are.

After three days being attacked by misery, despair and ardurous emotions I thought I had dispelled from my persona years ago I needed a mental break.  After work to Emma Wood I went.  Considering all of the above and the fact that I did the LAX three and half hour circle before work today starting at 3am the urge to grovel was less then enticing.  I did my usual Emma Wood practice of bumbling around the parking lot for over a half hour or so kicking dirt, making phone calls to kill time all in the hope that I would see a few nuggets to peak my interest.

An hour past at least, and I was about to get in my car and drive away when this random dude pulled up next to me looked at the slim pickings, then pulled out a suit and began getting dressed.  Amazed I asked him if he checked the point (cstreet). He said it was windy and not any good.  I replied “your really going out”?  “There are two guys out and Im sure its better then it looks.  Its always better to surf then not surf” he retorted.  Those last words sounded very familiar to me.  Then he looked right at me  as if he could see through my soul and all my internal suffering and said “I think you should really surf too, you could use it”.

On that note I put on my suit and jumped in the meager conditions.  He was right I could use the surf.  We shared the empty torn up line-up for about 45 minutes before an old surf acquaintance of mine decided to paddle out as well.  Its funny I think the only times I surf with this guy is whenever Emma Wood is horrible.  I had a few fun ones although nothing to write home about.  The water was very clear and clean and it was nice to take my mind off things for a short while.

Surfing has been my life blood since I was ten and my antagonist for just as long.   Its funny no matter how many times surfing ruins my life I keep on going back to it.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results…

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Bad Decisions Lead to Great Outcomes.

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 24, 2011| 10 Comments »

Bad habits die hard.  I was suppose to be in wine class this morning, my favorite class and one I really hate missing, but I had to work the Lunch/Dinner shift at work today thus forcing my hand.  I truly thought there was a Friday night section of the class, which I would later find out was on Thursday night.  I really need to pay more attention to the details in life so I stop constantly blowing it.  That being said if I had to do it all over again I would still miss class, even if I went into the session knowing I was to destroy my favorite surfboard ever.

I woke up and checked the buoys.  They were solid and the wind was off shore with an eight am low tide.  All signs pointed to Rincon.  I got there and the lot was barely half full.  I knew judging from Santa Clause that there was a wave so I just suited up with out checking it.  As I came out of the trail I saw a solid eight to ten foot set five waves deep stand up and unload top to bottom through the cove, barrel and spit.

There were only about ten guys on it.  The water turned out to be freezing and after the first half hour the wind went south.  Bobby was killing it as always.  I had a few great ones including a really fun inside double up that I had some words with some dude about claiming that i paddled around him.  I mean come on man its fucking Rincon. That sort of thing happens all the time.  For the record I did not deliberately paddle the guy.  I was paddling further up the point when the wave came and I swung around for it.

I was a solid twenty yards up from him when I took off.  He proceeded to burn me then call me gay as I passed him, floated a fifteen yard section leaving him in the dust.  That turned out to be one of the better waves of the session for me.   Then it happened, I caught the best wave of the winter for me at Rincon.  I was fucking freezing and it was toward the middle of the session.  This bomb set came and caught everyone out of position.  The eighth wave in the set missed the outer break point of high cove and doubled up right where I was sitting.  No one was deeper so I took off.  I got to the bottom of the thing and it was way way way over  my head.  Im going  to have to claim ten feet on this one.   I hit it three times before pulling into a huge gaping tube which I came out of then did another two huge tail free backside hacks.  As I was going up for the third one I blew my tail out way to far and found myself free falling down a good six feet with the lip.  When I looked under me there was this dude right where I was going to land so I ditched.  I ended up getting worked super hard.  I hit the bottom and got pinned there!  When I came up dude and I were tangled while being battered by solid six foot waves.

When we got free I noticed that the tail of my board was destroyed.  Too bad to cause I really like this board and Kooky dinged my other board while he was visiting last week.  Although beat up I deemed my tail still surfable and the waves were way to good to get out considering I still had another half hour of surf time.  Right after that wave the tide and wind got funky and I never saw another really good one.

Then on my last wave to add injury to insult some dude burned me and as I was attempting to pass him he smashed his nose into my rail compressing it a half inch into the board.  I was dumbfounded by the whole thing because it was not even a good wave.  It was an insider I took just because I was out of time and had to go to work.  Basically in summary I missed my favorite class of the week, caught my best personal wave as far as size and quality go at Rincon for the season yet managed to destroy my board on it and some idiot decided that my board was not broken enough and went ahead and helped to finish the job.  For some stupid reason if you asked me if I would do it all over again my reply would be damn straight.

My wonderful board before getting mangled at Rincon.

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Another Look at Feb 17th

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 24, 2011| 10 Comments »

My Best Shot from the day. Rincon February 17 2011, Photo Don Jayne

Last week I wrote a surf session blog called Big Name Pros, Stupid Car Surfing and Aggressive Line Up Tactic involving super fun Rincon, my boy JD finally having a good session (probably his best of the trip) and professional surfers Kelly Slater and Sally Fitzgibbons.  If you missed it I suggest clicking on the link and checking it out. It was a pretty entertaining surf blog.  Occasionally I find other blogs, photos or internet type stuff that links in with a blog I wrote.  When that happens I like to post it here.

This one was actually found by my former roommate and lurking partner in crime Brennan (Brennan has recently gotten some play here in the last two blogs:  The Paradoxical Plight of the Eunuch Cat and The Great Escape from Mission St. those are worth a read too if you missed them, more the latter).  This link comes from SantaBarbaraSurfer.com and has been featured on the both the myspace.com blog and SurfingRuinedMylife.net.  I really should feature them in my link section but have been too lazy to bother with it.   Its a pretty cool blog completely devoted to the Santa Barbara surfing community.

There is some text relating to the session similar to my blog on the day.  If you read you will notice the author also ran up to El Capitan for a surf like myself, except he must have gotten there about an hour earlier then I did because he actually was able to get some water time.  The slide show is pretty cool.  It shows you how the cove was on the day in question.   There are some amazing pictures of Slater, Sally Fitzgibbons, J7 friend/team rider Arson, Tom Curren’s older son and even three shitty shots of yours truly, Chris Lisanti.

In the comments he mentions something about even running a few pictures of the guys with “stinky style” when he gets the occasional shot where they are not embarrassing themselves.  Im sure I fall into that category.  Whatever, I have a ton of fun, even if 90% of the time I am completely kooking it, flailing around like a wounded condor. I have shots #33, 86, and 87 in the show. There are some pictures of the crazy equipment Slater was riding as well.  If you got a minute I would check it out: http://www.santabarbarasurfer.com/index.php/news/article/thursday_at_the_con/.

Kelly Slater always brings out the admirers.

Here is a classic example of what they call "Stink butt style".

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The Great Escape From Mission St. (Blast from the Past 2009)

Posted in Blast from the Past: 2009, tagged , , , , , , , , , on February 20, 2011| 15 Comments »

Before I get into writing this blog or reposting it rather let me just say that Kooky Kyle is a mother fucking internet animal and SurfingRuinedMyLife.net all star of all stars.  Last night I threw out a challenge to all my readers and UCB enthusiasts alike to go back into the Lisanti Blog Myspace archives and dig out the blog I wrote back in October of 2009 about the painful loss of my cats Alfie and Turtle of which only one returned (Alfie) and post it in the comments.  Well sure enough who got down and dirty and pulled it up; none other then the phantasmagorical mad man Kooky Kyle.  For his efforts he will be awarded two UCB points, not like he really needs them to stay on top anyway.

I for one am totally appreciative for his efforts.  Thanks buddy, your the man.  I promise if you actually make it out to Santa Barbara this year to take extra care that your Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour is all that and a bag of chips. So the following blog was posted on October 24 2009: (as usual notes I jot down in Red was added to give my thoughts on the issue at this most current posting)

About almost three weeks ago or so my cats escaped from my wholesome abode thanks impart to my roommate Brennan getting drunk and passing out with the door wide open on a Friday night. He calls me at like 4:30am frantic and still rather drunk, all upset that the cats were lost and I had to come home and find them. I replied “Dude its 4:30am your drunk, Im tired as hell, its pitch black outside, we don’t have a flashlight and they are black cats. Go to sleep its not going to happen tonight”. I was really banking on them coming back in the morning as they always have in the past when an escape takes place.

In Brennan’s defense my lazy ass never got around to fixing the front door, which due to some rotting wood was tricky to stay closed in the frame (remember that mental check list I referred to a few weeks ago in Groovin’ High? Well this was one of the things that was on it). Heck it is hard to close that door sober let alone shit faced. It took me about three weeks to realize this fact. Initially I wanted to kick the door to his room in and hack him to pieces with an ax Dostoyevsky style (at the time I was engrossed in reading Crime and Punishment, a master piece in Literature by the way). Since then he has long since redeemed himself. Im glad that is the case I really did not want to have clean up that mess and then drive all over town dumping his individually bagged body parts in random garbage pails, although I probably would have eaten some part of his remains just to see what human tastes like. I bet it just tastes like chicken anyway.

Alfie as expected came home in time for breakfast the next morning and has been home and safe ever since. Turtle however has not been so easy. For a period of about a week he lurked around the premises running under the house every time an attempt for him to be caught was made. We had a chance one night when we cornered him in the garage, myself, Brennan and my neighbor, white trash Travis (this dude was a class A California red neck constantly working on this beat up 1960’s VW Bug, ass crack showing and all). Unfortunately I was a bit drunk after drinking 2 shots of jager and some rum after getting worked up about the whole cat situation and a not so stellar conversation with my mom about the situation. As usual the missing cat was all my fault cause Im irresponsible, a careless low life bum with out a real job. Yeah mom Im sure that is why he ran away you narcissistic bitch (no hostility there).

Net result was the cat gave us the slip by running out the back of a parked car, passed my drunk ass and then did a six foot vertical leap over a fence and was gone (to this day I have never seen a cat jump that high). Next day Travis and Brennan came through with raccoon traps. First night we caught a possum that freaked out and shit all over the place. The second night we successfully captured Turtle. I was not at home, but apparently Brennan brought him up stairs, let him out of the trap and Turtle as usual went nuts and then ran into my room. Brennan went to check on him and heard a tear. Turns out Turtle tore through the screen and jumped out the window. He has not been seen or heard from since.

We continued to put the traps out all week. We caught the same possum again. This time Brennan took him up to the Mission about a mile or so from our house, to prevent him from continuing to spring the traps and a very nice new home I might add, that is a very desirable neighborhood to live in. We did that little guy a favor. Yesterday we caught a skunk the exact scenario we had feared since the inception of the traps. After leaving him there for over 48 hours Brennan finally freed him this morning. The thing sprayed all over the place so now it stinks all around my house and when I left for work this afternoon the stupid beast was still in the trap.

After all this still no sight of Turtle.  At this point Im going to assume he has moved on to a better place (inside a Coyote’s belly), hopefully one still on this plane of existence. Monday I am going to check with all the local animal shelters to see if anyone has turned him in. Overall its pretty shitty since now I only have 50% of the cats I started out with and after I shelled out over a grand to get them both out here, moved off the Mesa for their sake and spent $50 in anti flea paraphernalia. Plus Turtle was like a son to me, sure he was a fucked up hairy little black kid, but mine none the less. Turtle where ever you are I hope your pimping it. I miss you buddy. Please come home.

As you may have figured Turtle never returned.  Since then Brennan and I are still friends and I no longer wish to kill and dismember him.  If you missed out on yesterday’s blog The Paradoxical Plight of the Eunuch Cat check it out cause it is sort of a type of precursor to this one.

Alfie and Turtle circa 2004

Turtle as a kitten, circa 2003

In addition to receiving extra UCB points Kooky also wins one "dont ask dont tell" weekend with this sexy creature. Its on its way to your place at this very moment Kooky!!!!

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Big Name Pros, Stupid Car Surfing and Aggressive Line Up Tactics

Posted in Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on February 18, 2011| 3 Comments »

It must be just another day at Rincon and more trials and tribulations with the occasional pot of gold at the end of the rainbow here in Santa Barbara.  It all went down yesterday (2/17/11) in what I thought was going to be a complete and total skunking.  The night before all signs pointed to some very good conditions for a surf on this faithful day.

There was plenty of WNW swell mixing in with new NW swell and the winds were suppose to be somewhat light or variable.  Early on the wind was down, unfortunately I had class making a dawn patrol out of the question.  I got home at 9am and the wind had already changed to SW, or the devil winds, as we like to refer to them here.

Distraught, since the thoughts of getting either El Capitan or Sand Spit dancing in my head since the previous night were now shattered, I decided it best for us to wait for the tide to drop and hope for the best.  The wind went more WSW and JD and I made the Hail Mary play for El Capitan despite the poor winds.  Sometimes miracles happen and back when I worked at this NJ surf camp we always told the kids to live by the phrase “you don’t know unless you go”.

Indeed go we did.  As soon as we got up to the Gaviota Coast the wind was whipping twice as hard and El Cap was an absolute mess to our dismay, but was as I expected.  We watched it feeling rather dejected before opting to make the run back south to Rincon and just make or break it there.  As soon as we got to the Rincon the wind let up a bit and the sun came out.   The surf was solid head to overhead with bigger sets up top and side shore off shore conditions.  Upon checking it we saw someone surfing regular just destroy this head high wave through the cove making a near impossible first section across high Cove.

Then I noticed there were three cameras on the beach and put two and two together.  It was none other then Kelly Slater doing what he does best, killing it.  For JD it was a real treat to surf with the champ in person.  He had on this weird ass blue and black wetsuit with one white sleeve and gloves, but no boots.  The crowd was still rather light only about twenty five guys or so in the Cove and maybe another twenty up top.

JD gave the top a go while I as usual hit up the cove.  I jump in just as a solid set was approaching.  This overhead one comes right to me and I was the deepest. I saw Slater paddling in on the shoulder and was like man maybe I should give the wave up to the champ.  Then I thought fuck that he gets tons of great waves everywhere he goes.  This one is mine and besides out in the ocean he is just another surfer just like anyone else trying to get waves.  Rincon is my spot now so fuck it and I went.

I was pretty deep and was not sure I was going to get around the foam ball anyway.  I came around the foam ball just as Slats was starting his first cut back.  I hit it straight up and down behind him.  Then he did another whip around and as he was coming out of the turn he got hit by the spray from my second reo.  He gave me an aggravated look and then pulled off.  I hit that wave another fifteen times taking it all the way to the call box.

On the paddle back out I was definitely getting stares by people and heard whispers “That guy just picked one off Slater”.  Some kid, probably from the Valley or LA (same difference) said to me “I can’t believe you just took a wave off Kelly Slater”.  I looked at him and said “Who’s Kelly Slater, just another surfer like you and I” and paddled away.  Then I started thinking maybe that was a bad idea and I should have given the wave up to him like everyone else does out there.

I think Slater should be able to appreciate the fact that I want to surf a good wave as much as he does.  Then three waves later I did it again, but Slater did not go this time.  He pulled back as soon as he saw me drop into it twenty yards deeper then him.  That one went all the way through too.  There was some crazy modeling shoot happening mid point that has been going on all week, super professional too.  It looked like a pretty serious shoot.

Slater kept stopping at that house every lap up the point for whatever reason.  About my sixth wave, a real bomb might I add about mid cove on the paddle back out, I was beat on paddling back out and way too far down the point anyway.  I made the walk back and as I was walking up the point Slater’s videographer looked right at me and I though he was going to give me shit for taking that wave off Slater.  Instead he yells “Crazy backside attack, so nuts”.  I was stoked to be acknowledged by a dude who films surfing all day long and someone of Kelly’s esteem.

Female pro Sally Fitzgibbons was out absolutely destroying it.  JD actually had a great session for a change.  It was a solid day of surfing.  The only thing that could have made it better would have been if there was less wind and chop, but then the crowd would have been triple.   I ended up surfing almost four hours and could barely walk when I got out of the water.  What a day.

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Kelly & Me

Posted in Blast From the Past, Blast From the Past: 2008, Blast from the Past: 2009, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , on February 5, 2011| 2 Comments »

This weeks UCB makes a champion of John Mauriello asking a very apropos topic considering the theme of the last few blogs.  He asked I tell about the time Slater gave me one of the best waves I have ever gotten at Rincon and my in my life as well. I actually have two good Slater stories to tell both from the same time of year.  Truth be told both of these have been bloged about back in the myspace days but since it is near impossible for me to look up those archives thanks to Myspace.com’s terrible redesign I believe they may be lost forever.  I guess I will have a lot of retelling to do.

February 4 2008

It was my Birthday and my first winter at Rincon.  At the time I was sleeping on Cory’s couch and just sort of bumming around Santa Barbara.  I hated Rincon up until this faithful day.  Every time I went there I always got burned on the good ones and never seemed to pick the right ones.  This is a common novice complaint at Rincon.  To utilize the spot to its greatest potential one really needs to know where to sit and how to work the crowd.  Two entities that take plenty of time to figure it out.  Im still trying to get it wired.

Every time Cory and I would check Rincon I always bitched and moaned till we went some place else, usually Pitas, Little Con or Cstreet.  This day as we were passing by Rincon it was flawless 6-8ft with off shore winds and looked like a picture a day dreaming slacker would draw in his note book during math class.   Im talking waves as good as waves get.  The crowd looked heavy but the waves pretty consistent.  Against my will Cory forced us to surf it.

He jumped in at the cove as usual, while I went up to River Mouth.  As I was walking up there I noticed some one in a white wet suit directly in front of me.   People were taking pictures and videos.   It could be none other then Kelly Slater.  Him and I paddled out basically side by side through the river mouth and he snagged the first wave.  I had a couple of waves but nothing spectacular.

Then this solid eight footer swung wide and I was in perfect position.  I took off on the thing and it immediately walled up as it hit the sand bar and folded over.  I found myself standing straight up in a wide tube.  Im super deep but steadily making my way out as I went down into a pig dog for more speed.  As Im riding this thing in the barrel for an easy fifty yards people are screaming at me as they are paddling by.

Then right when I was about to come out I fell backwards but some how caught myself in a lay back thus running even deeper in the tube.  By the time I was mid way through this barrel section I looked out and saw Slater look in at me from the shoulder.  He hooted and threw a shaka my way.  Stoked I stood up and pumped out of the pit.  At that point I was at the top of the cove.  I hit the lip as I was passing by Cory who was all hoots.  I ended up call boxing that wave.  It was the first wave I ever call boxed at Rincon and it was on my birthday no less.

When I paddled out into the lineup Slater looked at me and said “that was a sick one”.  Im sure I blushed like an embarrassed little girl.

Mid Fed 2009

This is the story John was asking for.  Those of you who have been part of this blog from back in the Myspace.com days probably remember what a mess I was that year.  Sindia and I had just split up and I was for all extensive purposes partying way too hard subconsciously attempting to drink myself to death.  This session came about courtesy of my boy Brennan, whom with out his motivation would have never left the couch.  It was a Saturday afternoon in Mid-February and Im sure I went way too hard the night before thus sleeping in till well past one.

Brennan showed up around two-ish looking to surf.  I was just sitting down to breakfast at the frat house (it was not a real frat, but since nearly 12 guys ended up moving into my apartment it became an unofficial one).  At like 2:30 thirty we cruised to Rincon.  I did not even know if there was swell running or not I was so out of the loop.  Like I said back then I was a bit unfocused thanks to my mental and emotional state of affairs.

We walked down the trail and it was solid 6-8 ft Rincon super glassy and only about 100 guys out on the entire point.  All of a sudden I went from unmotivated to pure froth.  As I was running up to the river mouth I saw Slater snag one and just rip the shit out of it.  My first wave was a bomb up at low indicator.  This thing had to be solid ten foot if it was an inch.  I barely made the drop/bottom turn on my little 5’10.  When I came around the first section and into my reo some dude completely burned me.  I was moving and it was flawless Rincon so the sections were not too racy.

This dude and I ended up changing tracks a few times and just have a good old time for ourselves.  When the wave reached the cove, he pulled out, gave me a smile and I ripped the thing all the way to the highway falling off just forty yards from the call box because my legs were so tired.  After that wave I ran back up the point to do it again.

Upon paddling back out I saw Slater sitting up at low Indicator.  I sat next to him and made the usual surfer small talk as if he was no one special.  I most likely said something like its pretty fun out here and so on and so forth.  The stock standard surfer lineup bull.  This set came in and it was another group of solid ones.  We let the first one go and the second was just perfect lining up to be another epic ride.  Slater looks ate me and says do you want this one.  I was like really?   Then I turned and went for it.

That wave ended up being amazing.  I had something like two barrels on it and over twenty hits riding the wave from low Indicator all the way to double call box.  When Rincon is flawless it is more then possible to get rides that long.  To this day I think that was the best wave I have ever caught out there.  When I pulled off my wave l looked back and saw Slater finishing up on the one behind it.  I think I only had enough leg power left in me for a dozen or so more.

I ended up paying Slater’s kindness forward towards the very end of my session.  I was in perfect position for this eight footer in mid River Mouth.  As I was paddling for it I saw this chick having a look and I knew for a fact she had yet to get a good one.  Once I saw her paddling I gave her the nod and she got that wave all the way in.  I saw her out later that session and she was very appreciative and said it was most likely the best wave of her entire life.  You see what goes around comes around.  I can only hope that some day she returns the same kindness to some other frustrated surfer in need.

There is nothing like really good Rincon.

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The Impromptu Picnic

Posted in Life, Surfing, Uncategorized, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2011| 7 Comments »

Your never know what you may stumble upon in the great outdoors.

 

Today I experienced a most unexpected delightful, yet strange afternoon.  3:30 finally came closing out a rather hectic day of nothing working out as it should.  First someone accidentally turned off the oven containing the bulk of my roasted vegetables, a catastrophe I discovered at 10:45am when I checked on them to make sure they were not going to burn up.  Now roasted vegetables take around 25 minutes to cook and I needed them for an 11:15 service.  Luckily I had one axillary pan in a separate oven and it was just enough to get me started.

Then my mashed potatoes came out a little too dry from my liking and a bit on the bland side since we were all out of fresh garlic.  How does a professional kitchen run out of fresh garlic?!!!!?  Finally someone must have bumped into my rotisserie oven and mistakenly turned off one of the motors thus keeping an entire side (four racks containing 50 lbs of turkey) from turning.  One side was completely charred.  I made out like a bandit in this case also because after cutting off the burnt side the rest was still usable and actually still quite tender all things considered.  My meal was serve able and as it turns out was completely eaten.

If all that was not enough my boss thought it would be best utilize my skills for cleaning the entire kitchen for the last two hours of work.  Needless to say when that clock striked 3:3o I was more then jubilant to get the fuck out of there.  After missing a surf yesterday (see surflog for details) I was chomping at the bit to get some water time so it was off to Rincon.  I knew the swell was down from the previous days, but I had hopes I could find something to surf.  Unfortunately for me as I passed Santa Claus I noticed a serious lack of waves, strong onshore wind and a -2 low tide.  That being the case there was not going to be many places to surf besides either Rincon or Cstreet and since Santa Claus is a Rincon indicator I immediately lost my enthusiasm.

I cruised to the Con just the same and strolled down the trail to see if there were any grovel able waves.  It was super small maybe knee to waist high, but clean and long lines, plus there was only three guys on it.  Still not decided I began to bumble my way up the the top of the point to see what was coming in up at both Indicator and River Mouth.  About mid way up the point I noticed this gathering of people chilling on the rocks just about adjacent to where one would line up to surf proper cove.

As Im approaching this ensemble I hear one of them say “lets ask the chef’s opinion”.  Immediately proceeding the hollering of  the word chef in my direction.  At first forgetting that I was still wearing my coat and work uniform I did not realize it was myself to whom they were addressing.  I meandered my way over to them and saw they had quite the quaint little spread going on.  This gang of out door enthusiasts had a splendid little picnic going on right in the midst of one of the best right hand point breaks in the world on a day off.

They had the most adorable little round coffee table made from roth iron with a little removable bamboo wood finished round top.  On the table they had a loaf of olive bread, a giant bowl of guacamole, an opened bottle of Chenin Blanc, a silver decorative platter with these roasted tomatoes with mozzarella balls and basil on it and next to that another large silver decorative bowl with a mix greens chicken salad.  Under the table was a copper ice chest filled with a type of fruit salad dessert and another two bottles of wine.  Like I said it was a real classy set up.

I walk over there and the first thing they ask is if I would like to join them, sample their foods and give my “professional” critique.  Little did they know that Im hardly a chef being nothing more then a lowly bulk food line cook, but I can play any role and since I will be a chef in a few years figured a white lie could not hurt anyone.  I sat down and enjoyed a gourmet afternoon snack with interesting strangers at Rincon while debating on whether or not to paddle.

I ended up hanging out for a half an hour enjoying wine and food and getting to know my benefactors.  There was this older English guy totally grey with a Sean Connery beard (maybe he was Sean Connery Im always in such I fog I would not know the difference anyway).  He was wearing a super nice grey with black poke-dote smoking jacket, nice slacks and loafers.  Totally rich man casual.  To his right was this older couple in their fifties who brought the food and owned an avocado farm in Carpinteria  thus explaining the big bowl of guacamole.  On their right were these two twenty something lesbians from San Fransisco (no surprise there) both of which were quite hot.  Sitting next to them was another older guy who owned an antique shop in Carp and next to him was this crazy old hippie woman wearing a tunic.

Sean Connery had an interesting group of friends and as it turns out lived in one of the houses right there in the Rincon Point exclusive community.  I must say the food and company was most refreshing.  I had a great time.  While I was sitting there I noticed a few really good sets in the close to chest high range come in and peel down the point now with only one other guy out.  Derek Hynd on his crazy fin less board he has been riding at the Con the past week and his lady friend were just exiting the water.  He kills those crazy fin less boards.  You would not believe the speed he gets out of them until you see it in person.  What would you expect from a surf icon of his esteem.

If it was good enough for Derek it was good enough for me (Im just glad he was not with Jack Johnson like he was the night Slater was out.  I hate Jack Johnson.  See The Champ has returned blog for more details).  I suited up and paddled out.  I ended up getting tons of great waves and few classic larrels as well as two legit barrels.  I had a ball.  There was a picturesque sunset. I stuck a perfect two foot out nose pick air reverse and met a chill guy named Donovan who gave me a free bar of wax before getting on his scooter and riding away sitting on his surfboard.  What a most spectacular afternoon.  It was definitely one for the books or for the blog in this case.  I dont really know why things like this always happen to me.  It could just be a right time right place coincidence, but it happens so often that I have to think there is more to it then that.

Sean Connery always knows how to have a good time.

One of surfing finest, Derek Hynd and his fin less wonder.

Speaking of strange things......

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