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Archive for the ‘Anger’ Category

Great Revelations I Have Come Upon in July

Posted in Anger, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 24, 2012| 2 Comments »

That’s right folks the real Chris Lisanti is back. Some peeping Tom must have shot a picture of me getting out of the water after a recent surf. No privacy ever, damn smart phones. This picture was probably all over some Japanese persons twitter…

Remember when I used rant and rave on here about all kinds of stupidity?  I do.  Then I tried to be a “nice guy” and “positive” and guess what things got really fucking pathetic, then really fucking boring.  Finally I almost gave up on blogging altogether.  Last week I realized its time to end the charade and face the facts.  I am at 31 years old a bitter, surly, antagonistic, hedonistic, narcissistic,  egotistic, pretentious prick of an asshole.  I believe that most likely sucks worse then monkey cock, although most of you know my feelings of complete abhorrence to such.  What I am trying to say is “NO MORE MR. NICE GUY”.

The old vindictive Chris Lisanti is back and ready to sound off on anything from Midgets, to government, to religion, to gender relations, to racial issues, you name it I am going to tear it apart.  Everything I say will just as it used to be, be based entirely on angry bias and opinion with little to no more fact than I found in the National Enquirer, The New York Post (my grandfather’s favorite News Paper God rest his soul.  Now there was a hateful little Italian man to even rival me) The Sun Times and finally People Magazine Style Watch cause I think by now everyone knows how I feel about clothing.  In celebration of finding the real Chris Lisanti all over again and realizing that the only time I am truly happy is when I am angry at least each month I will post a blog on the angry revelations I have had during that time period.

National Health Care, I.E. Obama Care

Here is something I have held my tongue on for a while opting to wait till I had all the facts before sounding off on. Then I realized that was never going to happen cause none of my favorite internet porn sites, even the grandma porn ones where you think that sort of thing would be an important topic, have covered the issue.  I am going to have to go by the little bit of miss-information I have picked up from many different people’s Facebook.com statuses.  For starters I have no money and live so far below the poverty level its not even funny.

Wait; not far enough to receive welfare or food stamps that is why I am in the process of adopting a teenager.  Apparently being a single parent I could receive over $4,000 a month in government support.  That’s more then I make at my current job.  I do not really know how this new bill will affect me anyway.  Right now when I am in need of medical attention I go to my cat Alfie and have him lick the wound till all the bacteria in his mouth transfers into the cut causing the blood to clot.  If that fails I turn to Rambo Tactics.  You know that scene where he sticks the hot poker into his gun shot wound to close it up.  If you don’t here it is:

I don’t vote.  I don’t watch the news.  I have not read a decent News Paper since I found one in the trash and read it out of boredom when I worked at the gas station.  What I do know is if I hear one more person bitch about how universal health care is a bad thing I will beat him so fucking bad he will be in need of some of that health care he is so angry about.  Here is one fact I do have.  I have been to third world countries where it was easier to see a doctor and get medical help with out any money or insurance then it is in America.  In America your lucky if the the night janitor will put some duct tape on your stab wound in the parking lot if you do not have insurance.  Ever have bronchitis for two months cause you could not afford Antibiotics?  I have…

It took Alfie nearly three days of hard licking to get this cut on my foot to close up. I got a universal health care plan for America…Annoying pet black cats for everyone.

Gasoline Prices

So I noticed the price of petroleum climbed about ten cents right as my tank was about to hit empty.  I don’t really know how that price is determined but I do know it really pissed me off when I could have gotten gas three days ago for ten cents less.  Shit in a 12 gallon tank I could have saved a buck twenty which means I would be just 25cents short of a Big Mac on Mac Mondays.  Fucking towel heads and their oil bull shit.  I am going to invent a car that runs on my semen.  Then when I start running low on gas I will just rub one out into my gas tank.   Filling up will never be more fun.

Why Alcohol has to be bad for Me

I don’t know if there is a God or not, but if so fuck him.  Why would you put a substance as wonderful as alcohol on this earth and then make harmful to the very species that enjoys consuming it?  I know it pisses the fuck out of me.  For a long time I barely drank, but courtesy of a lack of self control, California, Santa Barbara and the female species on a whole I have become a functioning alcoholic and it really makes me angry to watch the adverse effects such has had on my brain, body and life in general.  Whatever I really did not want to live forever anyway or to the age of 50.  After all do I really want to become one of the those old guys with shriveled up figs and a saggy ass.  Maybe, since I have lost the last three women I was involved with to such dudes.

The Lie that is Sunny California Summers

Let me enlighten everyone out there who may fantasize about the wonderful sunny warm California summers and how it is a complete crock of shit.  I too once believed in sunny California.  Then I moved here and realized if the sun comes out of the thick coastal fog 1 out of five days you consider yourself lucky.  Sure inland California is sunny.  Its also a shit whole and anywhere form 95-115 F.  Don’t believe me go visit the city of El Centro sometime.  I thought I was in a fucking oven when I stepped out of my nice air conditioned car.  Then the gas station clerk tells me it is only going to get hotter the next day.  I did not stick around to find out.  While we are at it lets sound off on the freezing cold water temperatures out here too.  All those beach blanket bingo surf movies of the 50’s where everyone was in bathing suits swimming is bull too.  I wear a 4/3 and booties pretty much year round.

Instagram

I don’t know what instagram is.  I don’t want to know.  AND NO! I DO NOT HAVE AN INSTAGRAM.  All I do know is it pisses me off.  People constantly posting pictures to it thinking they are super artsy cause they picked a cool filter piss me off even more.  Here is a News flash: its owned by Facebook and your not artsy cause you took a bad blurry photo on your I-phone.  Then made it even more incoherent by adding an old time filter.

Guys who find it completely ok to wear shorts, flip flops and tank tops to the club and the woman who find them attractive.  

Hey nothing screams I just came from the beach like a tank top, flip flops, messy hair and board shorts.  Why not wear them out to the club.  Who wants to wear fancy clothes anyway when apparently chicks would much rather stand next to one of these defuses in their designer party dress and expensive heels.  Ladies did you really spend all that time getting ready tonight to go home with some bro who looks like he literally climbed out of bed and threw on whatever was lying around on the floor.  I am pretty sure Humphrey Bogart never wore a tank top.

Pictures of women who look like this:
Because all I ever get to fuck is women who look like this:

And there you have it folks, all the anger I have been bottling up inside for the past few months.  Man it feels good to get it all off my chest.  Oh and I’m not to happy with the current state up hip hop music either, but that is another topic for another time.  Thanks for listening.  Yes I am certifiably insane!!!


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Dating in the Year 2012: How to Meet the Person of Your Dreams

Posted in Anger, Dating, Deep Thoughts, Life, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2012| 16 Comments »

For some reason I feel a bit gypped being it is 2012.  Were we not suppose to have flying cars by now, wearing futuristic clothing  with strange rings round different parts of the outfit and I’m pretty sure we should have had robots doing all our work for us?  So much for that shit.  If the world does not end in December I am going to royally be let down this year.

I have not written too much as of late.  My excuse this time around is that I just feel sort of bored with my life.  Trying this normal “real life” thing and doing what I’m “suppose to do” really leaves a lack time for adventuring and a paling few opportunities for spontaneity, two aspects of my life that I have constantly thrived on, well since birth actually. Don’t get me wrong I am digging this “settling down becoming a useful member of society” idea.

I guess its fun to have to go to work five days out of the week.  Who really liked all that free time anyway?  NOT ME…NO! I love to sweat it out for eight hours a day in a hot kitchen serving some other guys dreams while burning my hands and arms.  All so I can be told I forgot the sauce, or the cheese or this side, or “this steak is not well done enough”.  Bitch if I cooked it any longer it would have been a piece of mother fucking charcoal!

Now that I got that off my chest this new mundane life of surfing the same shitty breaks, in the same shitty town, in the same shitty state, in the same shitty country has caused a sort of mental paralysis.  I literally have had blog writers block if such a thing is possible.  Then I gave my life a bit more consideration and realized that even though I am living like everyone else my life still manages to be crazy and intense.  Just going to the bank and grocery store at times produce ridiculous stories.

Rather then just write the surflog and the occasional UCB (which by the way has been rather sterile as of late, get those power of ten lists in for July) I have decided I am going to write about the adventures I have in my vain attempt at social normality.  Its usually a collection of great moments of failure.  The first subject I would like to write on is dating in today’s I’m too busy, high paced, smart phone society.  As most of you know I have been single now for just about a year and unfortunately have had to partake in the world of adult dating.

Meeting Members of the Opposite Sex

I use the term adult dating to describe dating after college years.  Once you get out of school meeting people becomes quite the challenge, at least for me anyway.  When your young there are plenty of social circles one exists in where there are plenty of opportunities to meet new and different people.  Those people introduce you to others and so on and so forth.  By pure probability of the social circle system there is a decent chance of meeting a member of the opposite sex who you may click with.

As an adult those circles get smaller and tighter.  While new ones become nearly impossible to penetrate.  If you have a group of friends you have been hanging out with for twenty years and you bring in a new person that poor schmuck has a lot of catching up to do.  Its hard trust me.  There is only so long you can pretend to find inside jokes that you are on the outside of funny before you get fed up and go your own way.  It sucks when your that guy people have to constantly be explaining what is going on and who is who to.

The Bar

Then there is the bar/club.  This is my natural scene to meet people.  Why do you go out to such places?  To meet new people.  Face the facts why go out and spend the price of an entire bottle or six pack  for one drink if you just wanted to hang out with your friends and not meet anyone new?  You could stay home with all your friends and drink for a quarter of the price.   On paper this looks like the perfect scene for singles to go out and mingle.

Maybe at one time it was.  These days its a mess out there.  Your average person might go out a few times a month at best more times then not opting to stay home and sit around on the couch.  I love the rules of probability so I go out a few nights a week.  My attitude being nothing is sure as hell going to happen on my couch besides Alfie clawing the shit out of my legs.  Of course when you go out a bunch there is another probability statistic that holds true: becoming an alcoholic.    Its very easy my friends.  One drink turns into five, then shots next thing you know your being woken up at 4am by the cops cause you passed out against a gas pump.

The quality of people you meet here are for the most part less then stellar as well.  Drunks love drunks after all.  My buddy and I have this running rule now: No Regulars.  For me this is sort of an oxymoron cause we are regulars.  The idea being if a woman is out as much as we are then she most likely has bigger problems then us.  Basically we hang around looking for the women who have come out for some special occasion such as a holiday, birthday, wedding party, etc.  These girls are most likely decent people looking to have a good time and worth meeting and they don’t know that we are there all the time.

“Do you come here often” she asks.  “Never, this is only my third time at the Wild Cat” I reply as the bar tender hands me another rum and coke with out me having ordered it.  It just so happens everyone I know is at that bar by coincidence that night.  The other problem with the bar is the fact that when chicks go out they either put on their battle armor ready to fend off any suitor in their sights thanks in part to all the tools and douche bags out there who have ruined it for guys like myself.  Getting past this armor is a hard one.  If they don’t have their armor on then they have come out to get laid meaning come morning I am most likely never to see her again.

Yeah, the club does have some fringe benefits 😉

The Grocery Store

This is a place I have just recently come to embrace for meeting women at.  For starters there are tons of women at the super market.  I am personally a terrible opener.  I never  know what to say and most times when I do try I feel like I am just being bothersome, get flushed and quickly walk away as fast as I approached.  At the grocery store I am the man.

I’m a  chef. I know food and wine.  No matter what section of the store I’m in if I see a woman looking at a certain item and she seems a bit confused I add my two cents.  More times then not it leads into a conversation.  Then I always blow it by not getting any digits.  I like to leave things up to fate that way.  I think if I see her again it was meant to be and I will ask for her number at that time.  This system is double flawed.  My short term memory and face recognition is spotty at best and odds of running into her again slim.  Its a lose lose for me.

The Beach

There was a time when I was a professional surfer and I killed it on the beach.  All I had to do was get out of the water and chicks would flock to me.  These days I don’t have stickers on my board any more and therefore when I get out am just another average schmo.   Yeah I still rip, but most women have no idea what good surfing is.  Its been my understanding that in general they think who ever rode the wave the longest got the best ride even if that meant riding the white water all the way to the beach.  Whenever I take a chick who knows little about surfing down to the beach with me all she says is “why did you keep falling” or “your rides were so short”.  “Look at that guy he has been riding his waves all the way in” as she points to some kook on a soft top flailing his way in on the soap…FML.

Besides surfing I have no beach game what so ever.  I think this is mainly because I am not a bro.  Also I have chicken legs thus shorts are not flattering to me.  One looks like an idiot on the beach in a pair of jeans.  Here in Santa Barbara there are no surf able waves on our beaches most of the time and zero in the summer when chicks actually go to the beach.  The surfing approach just does not work.

Maybe if I looked as sexy as this guy my beach game would be better. Hold on a second isn’t that the dude my ex girlfriend left me for? hmmmmm

The Coffee Shop

My buddy Mark thoroughly believes in this approach.  Its true there are tons of woman at coffee shops just hanging out.  Next to the bar I would have to think they are the second best casual social meccas.  I have a problem.  I don’t drink coffee. The caffeine makes me crazy.  I am a naturally hyper person to begin with.  Throw in the caffeine and I get neurotic and even at times am prone to have anxiety attacks.  Between the two It makes me rather unattractive.  Me on coffee:

Library, Gym, rec-center, church, parks

Although I love books and reading I do not like the library.  Taking out books is such a hassle.  Then I always forget to return them, lose or damage the material thus that “free” book became more then it would have cost to buy it.  Here in Santa Barbara the library has become the headquarters for the homeless.  I think we all know how I feel about bummery.  Yes bummery is not a word.  You can quote me on that: Bummery – the act of vagrancy.  Honestly I rarely see good looking chicks in the library and they come there to read not be bothered by dudes looking to get in their pants.

I don’t work out and even if I do don’t develop muscle tone.  I would rather just go surfing, skating or on a hike for my exercise.  I do like cute girls in spandex though.  Believe it or not I actually tried the gym briefly last summer on a one month free trial membership I got from Spectrum when I worked with FRS.  I did not meet any one and mostly got yelled at for misusing the equipment.  Eventually I got tired of the ridiculous amount of old men walking around the locker room butt naked with their shriveled up figs dangling about.

The reason I gave up on the gym…

What the fuck is a rec-center.  Do they even exists anymore, seriously.  If they do and they are filled with eligible hot single women please my readers enlighten me.  I will reward you by building a statue of your likeness out of a block of Wisconsin cheddar cheese.  They are more likely just to be filled with more naked old men walking around with their shriveled up figs.

I tried the church thing.  For the most part churches are full of beautiful good hearted single women.  The draw back is most of these women want to get married.  I don’t really have a problem with that per say, second times a charm right.  I do have a problem with the fact that the majority of these girls wont have sex with me until that marriage takes place and then some don’t believe in contraception.  Although I would like to have children some day I would like it to be planned and limited.  Oh and for whatever reason they are against drinking, partying and just about everything else that is fun. One thing that is for certain about churches is the likely hood of running into naked old men is rare if any.

Parks are cool.  I love a nice park.  There is nothing like a good stroll through a nice park on a gorgeous summer day.  If I had a dog I would be golden.  Chicks love dogs.  Then again I don’t really want to walk around picking up dog shit in a little baggie and then having to carry that around till I find a trash receptacle.  As much as chicks dig a guy with a dog I do not believe they fancy a guy who picks up shit and then carries it around  with him in a little baggie.  My dog would probably be gnarly and eat some little kid on the play ground.  Then authorities would shot him on sight and then me cause I wouldn’t let them take me alive.    Maybe its best if I just stayed at home with Alf.  Plus I once saw an old homeless guy drop his pants and take a shit against a tree in a park once.  That breaches both my homeless and old man fig problem.

The Internet

I don’t do the online thing.  A bunch of people have recommended some great sites for me to try.  I have heard countless success stories.  On the other hand I have heard countless horror stories as well.  What if I just end up having some weirdo old man send me a picture of his figs? I know it is the “way of the future” for people to meet.  It seems really unnatural and forced to me, borderline desperate?  I know I am old fashioned but what happened to meeting someone awesome in your day to day and having dinner?  That is actually going to be our next segment in this new series.

I have messed around with the Craigslist personals.  That shit is fucking gnarly.  You want adventure start answering some of those adds.  Unlike match.com and those other accepted, safe dating sites craigslist is dangerous and you never know who or what you are going to meet.  Anyone who is willing to put themselves on that forum is got guts and worthy of my time.  Believe me I have been on some interesting craigslist dates to say the least.  Needless to say I am still single.

Singles Mixers

Yep I have tried some of these too.  If you think internet dating is bad this is far worse.  On the whole it is a collection of busted ass people thrown together in a somewhat hostile setting.  Its almost like going to a stud farm.  There is always more dudes then chicks there.  Then we are all thrown into the coral together with alcohol.  It is sort of like the bar but with bright lighting.  I did two of such events saw just about the same people at both, drank my two complementary drinks and went to the Wild Cat.  Mostly if was old men walking around with their figs safely concealed in their trousers.

I hope you found some humor in this.  If you are single then you see that you are not alone my friends.  Even a person as wonderfully man pretty as myself  cant nab a girl friend to save his life.  For whatever reason I don’t think this blog helps my case.  Oh well if they can’t accept me for who I am then I don’t want any.  Look for more dating fun in another segment soon.

With a face like this I am always in constant wonderment why the ladies stay away. I know what it is: My good looks and charm are too intimidating for them.

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Ahh Monotony…Spring UCB Quarter Results

Posted in Anger, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , on July 10, 2012| 9 Comments »

Spring has come and gone and with it another quarter of the UCB.  There were I believe three blogs written and two “Power of Ten’s”.  There should have been more, would’ve, Should’ve, Could’ve.  I don’t really give shit’ve.  I feel although the quantity on here has become sparse the quality has more then made up for it.  If you want quantity I do write in the surf log everyday and at times that is more interesting then what I write here.  There are still plenty of laughs, rants and insanity as we have grown so accustomed to.  You should all be happy for me that I am out living life instead of spending all my time writing about it.

Yeah you got me. I’m usually just too drunk the majority of the time to formulate a coherent sentence.  I should have Alfie start writing his own column, put him on the keys and let him go to town.  In all seriousness I have been pretty busy with my new job, surfing, music, my garden, cooking and adventuring.  Shoot that last San Francisco Blog I wrote a few days ago was like 20,000 words or something obnoxious like that.  If that is not effort I don’t know what is.  Once again it was a rather lame UCB quarter with only three real participants.  Shame on all of you who don’t participate.  If I got more suggestions I may write more.

Here are the winner stats for Spring:

Kooky Kyle takes the cake once again winning his second quarter of the year.  Its true I am going send him a cake in the mail.  Its most likely going to be melted when he gets it since it is an ice cream cake and I am sending it US standard ground. Congratulations Kooky your working on your next self expense paid trip to the Lisanti Palace!! Oh yeah and enjoy your melted cake courtesy of Rob Machado in Loose Change (extra UCB point if you explain what I am referring to.  Put your answer in the comments).

1st Place: Kooky Kyle – 5.5pts
2nd Place tie:  DanaRepublic – 3pts
2nd Place tie: Mauriello – 3pts

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000ttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep I’m an idiot…WWWHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTT! So get those “Power of Ten” lists in for July and your UCB submissions as well.  Whhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooot!

Got a problem with the UCB. Make a giant cardboard sign and go hang out with these guys. If you do it and take a picture and send it to me. I will give you five UCB points. You must have a two people each one holding the above signs and then yourself holding a sign that says “Chris Lisanti Ruined My Life”. Do It Now!

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Closing Her Out: Power of Ten

Posted in Anger, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2012| 6 Comments »

Its officially July 1st and that means the start of the summer UCB quarter.  Before we call it quits on the spring season I had promised one last Power of Ten for the month of June.  June came and went and only one list was put forth.  To the victor go the splendor.  I mean whatever splendor two UCB points has to offer one.  My roommate Danny takes the two and the last points of the spring 2012 quarter.  Look for the winner’s circle soon to come.

1.  Effects of Slow Cooked Meats on Indoor Pets:  Torturous; to sum things up in one word, but then again who am I to ever be concise with anything?  Kooky and I scored this slow cooker at the Ventura swap meet back in November.  I found it under a pile trash while looking for something janky to give to Mauriello for his Birthday.  I found this dirty looking Eskimo mask that was all fury with faux fur and everything.  I even rubbed it all over Alfie so that I could give it fleas.  Don’t I give great birthday gifts?   Bet you will invite me to your next party.  Next to this atrocity of Alaskan heritage was a slow cooker.  It looked like it worked so I offered the guy ten bucks for it and the mask, done deal.  I love swap meets, but that is a topic for another time.  Since then I have been slow cooking up a storm.  When one slow cooks the delicious smells of whatever is cooking (in my case usually slow cooked Italian meats in sauce) permeates the entire apartment complex.  I always see all my neighbors looking around sniffing and salivating.  Then walk inside and poor Alfie is just pacing around in circles yelping in utter frustration that he cant satiate the cravings brought on by such audacious odors.

2. Top 3 Favorite Garden Additions: By now I was suppose to have scratched the whole no theme collection of random plants I found in the trash for my Japanese rock garden. It’s no surprise that has not happened yet.  Look how diligent I am here at surfingruinedmylife.net.  There have been a few new additions to the garden.  Here are my three favorites so far:
This is a baby blue agave clipping I took while coming home from one of my evening beach walks down by Lead Better Beach.  The Adult plant shoots off all these tiny little offspring around itself and I clipped one, brought it home and planted it.  I have had it about a month now and it has already doubled in size.  Blue Agave let out this very large impressive flower and once they do they die.  Sort of their finally mark on life.
My friend Chantelle went olive oil tasting in Ojai and as part of the tasting got an olive tree sapling.  Being she has a not much of a knack with plants asked if I wanted it for my garden to which I delightedly complied.  Now I feel like I have a little bit of the old country in my yard.  There are already a few olives growing on it!
Charlie Sean and I were walking off a hearty Garrett’s breakfast about two weeks ago up by the mission when I came across a patch of these succulents growing along the side walk.  I just had to have one for my collection.  I meant to take a clipping but accidentally uprooted the entire plant, which is rather rude to do to another person’s garden.  I felt bad, but it now sits in my garden.  Tell me what species of succulent this is with proof in the comments for 1 bonus UCB point for the Summer Quarter.

3. Mac Monday’s: Six years ago McDonalds ran this promotion for two months where every Monday the Big Mac was only $1.50!!!!!  Now I’m not going to lie I may be a serious chef, but I have a closet addiction to fast food and for me the Big Mac is my favorite. It has been since I was a kid.  Sure they never look as good as they do on tv all smashed up in that earth safe cardboard box.  Despite the poor presentation they taste oh so yummy.  Here in Santa Barbara the McDonalds on the Mesa never dropped the Mac Monday promotion.  That’s right, every Monday for the last six years has been Mac Monday.  Believe me I have indulged. The California Dream in full effect.  Its a tough one cause Albertson’s runs fried chicken “Meal Deal Mondays” where you get eight pieces of fried chicken or a roaster, 1lb of potato wedges, a side of coleslaw, macaroni or potato salad, four sweet Hawaiian rolls and a two liter bottle of coke for $8.99!!!!! I know fucking amazing.  Needless to say Monday has become one of the best eating days of the week.  Sometimes I get the Big Mac for lunch and the chicken for dinner!  Best wine to pair with a Big Mac: a young table Bordeaux red or a Pinot Noir goes decent as well.

Bon Appetit…Doesn’t get any classier then this folks.

4. Does Obama Support Prostitution: I don’t really know his views on it.  Here are mine since its MY blog and not Obama’s and I don’t really give a fuck about politics outside of Lisanti Land where I am Sultan.  Prostitution is one of the oldest professions known to man.  Some make a decent living off it.  Right now it is scummy, dangerous, and illegal.  Bottom line in it’s current state nobody wins.  Legalize it and for starters the government can tax the shit out of it, regulate it, stop wasting tax payers money in a vain attempt to stop it and maybe we can help these poor woman who have been abused one time too many by daddy or trying to satisfy their heroin addiction instead of persecuting them.  “Let he who is with out sin cast the first stone”.

5. Who Should have been Casted as the Female Lead in “Ace Ventura Pet Dective”: First off I cant stand Courtney Cox whom is the actual female lead.  I wanted some one funny like Janeane Garofalo, who can be made up to look rather pretty.  That is who I would have casted.  Her sarcasm would have been great next to his stupidity.  If your not going to get me someone funny then at the very least get me someone way better looking.  I would have taken Cameron Diaz, she is sort of funny or was in the “Something About Mary” flick when she used the semen as hair gel.

And usually I have to wait till later in the night for my girls to sport that look.

6. Woman’s Suffrage? Should Alfie Have the Right to Vote?: Now how is it that woman have the right to vote but not the right to sell their bodies for sex.  I guess in a lot of ways they do have that right too.  I know plenty of gold digging bitches out there who I would have more respect for if they just straight up put a price on their head and told it like it is.  Should Alfie vote? I don’t know, fuck I don’t even vote.  Its such a chore.  Why cant they just send the ballot in the mail like the US Census.  Oh, wait, I think I forgot to mail that also.  Oh well?

Forget about giving him the right to vote. Lets just make the little motherfucker President. I would vote for him, except err…I don’t vote.

7. Cannolis: Cannolis are an amazingly scrumptious though very fattening Italian pastry.   I am a huge fan.  Here in Santa Barbara a good one has proved impossible to find.  One night I decided to take matters into my own hand and make my own along with my old sous chef Calvin.  We got cannoli rollers, made a make shift deep fryer out of a double broiler that could have burned the whole apartment complex down.  My poor neighbors had no idea how close they were to almost dying in an amateur cannoli flash fire accident.  We even went on a search of every grocery store in the area for citron to no avail.  We made it work.  The real challenge was getting them to stay rolled up while frying.  A task we definitely did not master.  All I can say is I will probably have to revisit cannoli making at some point since although it came out tasty enough I would have to consider the first take a fail.

Cannolis pre-fry. When I took this picture I was still very optimistic. Notice there is no post fry picture…

8. Snuff Films: Forget snuff films  for a moment.  How about snuff porn?  My buddy Scotty B and I once became obsessed with such after watching “8mm” with Nicholas Cage.  That film was heavy, but I love those revenge movies.  Cage spent the whole movie full on revenge killing and there ain’t nothing wrong with that.

9. Best Costumes: Danny is referring to Bay to Breakers this crazy event that goes down in SF every year.  This past year I happened to be a part of it. Truthfully that is a blog I have been working on since it went down in May.  Too much took place in the last two months and I am for about the first time in my life in absolute sensory overload.  My brain cant at the moment get a handle on any of it to even begin to write it down.  More crazy shit just keeps on amounting lately.  All I know is that there were people walking around completely naked and to them I take off my hat.  I almost dropped my draws and joined in on the party.

10. Male/Female Weight Ratio in Terms of Safety During Sex: I know my limit and its no more then fifty pounds heavier then I am.  That rule went into effect cause I literally had my back thrown out in the bedroom back  in December by a whale of a women.  I will say up till the injury we were having a good time and I am not a chubby chaser by any means, just a good guy who will not deny a woman a good time Lisanti style.  There are guys who have BBW fetishes and all I have to say to that is there is also a statistic out there of people who are crushed to death by another in a bedroom related accident and you thought the jopo fatality rate was gnarly.

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International Surfing Day Ought to be Called “Go F$(k Yourself Day”

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 22, 2012| 8 Comments »

This weeks UCB makes a winner of Kooky Kyle who at press time has quite the lead thanks to snagging some extra points. I post extra point questions everywhere on this site.  There is still one more extra point floating around that I will triple if anyone gets it.  It was like four or five blogs ago I think.  Also the power of ten for June is up for grabs, get those lists in before or on the 30th of they wont count towards this quarter.  Kooky Kyle’s suggestion was “International surfing Day”.  Now I may have wrote on this topic before someplace either here or back in the myspace.com days, but I have new ideas on the whole thing.  

First off International Surfing Day is a FAKE HOLIDAY that was initially created by the Surfrider Foundation in 2004 to boost beach related environmental awareness.  Beach cleanups, pledge drives, bbqs, earth conscientiousness and good vibes on the whole were had.  At the time I thought it was a pretty rad idea even if it was stolen from skate boarding.  Since the late 90’s on a random day towards the end of June an unofficial skate board race was held through all five boroughs of NYC.  The event was completely underground and on the appointed day thousands of skaters would show up and basically clog the streets of New York for a day.  Eventually word got out and International Go Skateboarding Day took its place all over the world. 

At first things were cool, simple and all in good fun.  Then the surf industry stepped in and said lets use this day to hock more product and make more money.  The Magazines jumped on the bandwagon, videographers, pro surfers, surf shops, surf schools and anyone else who makes a buck off surfing.  Today much like the actual sport of surfing International Surfing Day is nothing more then another American Hallmark Holiday (I will coin that one) but with out the cards, although at this point with Target and Macy’s, yeah Macy’s, embracing the surfing lifestyle to make major dinero its only a matter of time before Hallmark will be making “Happy International Surfing day” Cards.  

Maybe it can have a guy deep in the barrel getting burned by some yuppie kook on a fucking soft board arms all flailing going straight fresh out his surf class he paid some surfer business man $100 bucks an hour for.  Sto00000ke! Surfing is so cool.  Or it can have some dick head pro burning some average guy just happy to squeeze an hour in before work.  Either way nothing spreads the aloha spirit like ruining another surfers day.

Happy International Surfing Day!

Lets go back to the Macy’s thing again.  I was suit shopping there the other day cause they were having this crazy 60% off sale.  I actually found a really smooth Alfani two piece Charcoal Grey suit that I am going to wear to my cousin’s wedding at the end of August with a black shirt and red tie.  I am going to be styling.  As I am doing this I walk by an entire surf section with all the brands, Volcom, Quicksilver, Rip Curl, etc.  There was a giant picture of Mic Fanning on the wall, a poster of Taj boosting.  I almost cried then destroyed the place.  Instead I shook my head and was stoked to have disconnected myself from the surf materialistic world.  I feel bad for all my friends who own surf shops lord knows how you compete.

A sneak preview of my new suit. I looked like shit this day. I don’t trust mirrors so I always take photos whenever I am buying a high ticket item. You can imagine when I am all done up this is going to be the shit.

Did I surf on International Surfing Day you ask?  Well if you read the surflog on occasion you would know I did not cause I hurt my back trying to pull a Kerrupt Flip at New Jetty earlier in the week after getting all pumped off it when I wrote about in the most recent power of ten blog “I Gots Power“.  For myself and most serious surfers every mother fucking day is International Surfing Day.  For me it has been that way for 21 years.  I don’t need a special day to get me pumped to go surfing and if you do then you really need to rethink your priorities in life.  There have been a few times in my life when I had forsaken surfing and I was miserable cause I tried to prioritize my life more mainstream.  Then I readjusted my thinking and got back on the horse.

Yes I was a sell out for a long time.  I did the pro-surfer thing, the surf shop thing, and even the surf school thing.  These days I am a complete surfing recluse.  I wear all black wet suits, ride wide surf boards some with original art work done by my friends. I show up, go surfing then as fast I was there I am gone.  No or minimal surf clothing, image or fanfare.  If it was not for my neck tan these days one would not even know I surfed.  I think most people just believe I have some strange skin disease that only allows my head to tan.

Actually I got this chick at the bar the other night to fall for that and almost got her to pity fuck me.   I went up to this woman to hit on her and after a few words I could tell she was over it.  She was doing the usual looking around the club, checking the phone, I am over talking to you sort of thing.  I was about to leave when her friend comes up to me and like a total bitch says “yuck why are you only tan from the neck up?”.  “To tell you the truth I suffer from a skin degenerating disease called pigmititus and can now only tan on my hands and from the neck up.  Its similar to the skin disease Micheal Jackson suffered from.  I must say I am a little self conscientious about it and now you have embarrassed me and I must leave”.  I turned to walk away and she grabbed me and was all apologetic bought me a shot of Patron and then chilled with me the rest of the night.  It was classic.  Now I know how that dude in the wheel chair pulls all those chicks.   Stupid California girls, got to love them.

In a world where commercialism has taken over every facet of life (phssst if your a hipster, if the majority of the population has embraced your style then you are not too hip anymore) it is sad that surfing has been taken down with it.  On the up side with anti commercial warriors out there like Dane Reynolds and Bobby Martinez maybe more will follow and we can take back the soul of surfing.  In the meantime Taylor Steele made a film recently where he picked one random day and filmed surfing all over the world on that day. No special title needed.  Here is what International Surfing Day is really about:

 

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I Gots Power (Power of Ten, May)

Posted in Anger, Surfing, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 16, 2012| 4 Comments »

So what if May came and went like 16 days ago?  In Lisanti time that was yesterday.  In geological time it barely even registered.  There were two lists submitted for May (John and Kooky) and it would be rather rude of me to ignore that.  Sorry Danny yours counts towards June.  I have to say I was less then impressed with either list, but Mauriello’s took the cake and as such he will be awarded two points for his actions.  Now don’t fret June is here and that means you can still submit a list and the points will count towards spring.  I have decided to end the Spring quarter June 30th instead of the 21st.

1. Toughest Air Grabs to Pull off in Surfing: Ten years ago if you could just pull a sizable air it was sick.  If you could stick a rotation you were the man.  Now if can’t stick an air reverse nine times out of ten and have some type of flip in your arsenal you might as well be a  a sorry excuse for a ripper.  A grab is done for two reasons: to keep the board under your feet better or to invert an air to make it even  more gnarly.  The two hardest in my opinion one of which I can pull off the other I cannot are Stale Fish in which a surfer uses his inside arm and grabs the inside tail rail.  I find this one to be somewhat easy backside, very difficult front side.  The second one I completely gave up on as a result of far too many shitty wipe outs: Kerrupt.  The Kerrupt began as a sort of inverted ally-oop flip that was known as the Kerrupt Flip. Then people started doing the grab in all sorts of aerial inversions thus making it a grab as well.  Basically you turn completely looking at your tail and grab both tail rails of your board while crossing your arms.  You need a ton of air to pull this and there is a lot of room for error and injury when you fail.
Kerrupt

Stale Fish

Here Evan Geiselman demonstrates a perfect stale fish.

2. Masturbation: What can I say.  I don’t think anyone is as big an advocate for masturbation then me, except maybe Kooky Kyle.  Men talk openly about it, women are more secretive.  The establishment would have you believe it is a shameful act.  I say why not pleasure oneself.  End of story

3. My type (In Terms of Women): This is with out a doubt one of those topics I have been pondering for sometime now, could be a blog in itself if I actually knew the answer.  Looks wise its not too specific although I do prefer brunettes over blondes, like a darker complexion. Them pale pasty folk confuse me.   I dig a petite figure that is well proportioned.  I cook Italian food so she has to start out small so that I don’t make her too fat.  Height is a big issue for me.  She needs to be no taller then around 5’5/5’6.  Im only 5’9 and bit on the smaller side for a man in general (don’t fret ladies my man downstairs is more then he needs to be).  I like to dress up and go out and expect the same for my girl.  If she puts on heels and is either right at my height or taller how is that going to look?  Like shit, that’s how.  Remember Tom Cruise next to Nicole Kidman and then everyone wondered why they got divorced.  Personality wise at this point its up in the air.  I’m a tough one to put up with so I guess if she can stand my bs at least half the time she would be a saint.  She must have a healthy sex drive.  That “I’m too tired” crap is not going to fly ever again.  I’m not saying I want a nympho, but would love it if she would be all over me for a change.

Tom and Nicole back in the day. Look its like he is her pet monkey or something. Not going to be me.

4. Real Dolls: This is some twisted shit even for me.  Although if it was for me I could use the previous topic to order my own “perfect” woman.  A blow up doll is one thing.  That is masturbation with props, but this shit is heavy.  These look almost real.  Anyone ever see the movie “Lars and the Real Girl”? It was based on this premise exactly.  Its a really decent movie actually.  I need to get a copy of that.  If one of my readers wants to hook it up send it to me with a picture of yourself and I will frame it and hang on the wall in my living room and worship you like a false idol.

5. The Surf Industry: Just when I thought we were done with all the dirty talk John goes and picks the dirtiest topic of them all.  I’m pretty sure the surfing industry is run solely by the devil.  It’s a classic Adam and Eve situation.  The Hawaiians created this pure amazing entity, where all one had to do was cut down a tree turn it into a ride-able hung of wood and go ride waves naked. Pure and simple,  Men, women, children all living in bliss, one with the ocean.  hundreds of years later some imbecilic business man in a suit decided he could sell this wonderful life style to the masses and convinced the current participants at the time it was for the betterment of the sport.   I.e. Eve having Adam eat the apple.  Then the Movie Gidget came out and surfers were expelled from the garden of Eden forced to endure crowds, traffic, kooks, valley people, stand up paddlers, surf camps, and all the other current annoyances in everyday surfing life.

6. Haircuts: I feel like this should be a given, but then I am constantly amazed at the number of people who don’t care about their hair.  For me its my vanity for sure, but deeper then that I have baldness in my family and thus far am hanging on like a barnacle.  I feel it is my duty in thankfulness of whatever higher power has allowed me such good fortune and take the best care of my hair possible.  A good hair dresser is an artist, pure gold.  My current one a profit of hair design.  Everyone who cares about their hair ought to have their own hair stylist only they will go to.  If mine moves away I may seriously consider relocating.  Tipping should 30%.

8.  Inlanders: These people baffle me.  I will start with Valley folk and work my way completely inland.  If you truly love the ocean then living a mere 30minutes to an hour inland is a fucking travesty to your soul just to save a few bucks in rent.  I pay a shit load of money for my ocean view causing me to live way outside of my means.  Waking up every morning to the smell of sea and then glancing at it out my window makes it worth all the sacrifice and frustration.  Those people who have never stepped foot on the beach in their entire lives cause they live hundreds of miles inland well I will have to go with Meg Ryan’s line from “Joe Vs The Volcano” “I have no response to that”.

8.  South Swell Hype:  Its officially summertime on the West Coast of the US and that means South Swell season or in other words a ton of bullshit and lots of let down.  Maybe it you live from Huntington Beach and south the hype is worth something. North of that it is all lies and heartbreak .  Most times its just a reason for Surfline.com to get extra hits.  In Santa Barbara who gives a fuck unless you have a boat since the Islands block everything anyway.  If you happen to be lucky enough to have a boat or ranch access you will be welcomed by quite the crowd to reward your efforts.  If you live in the Southern Hemisphere good on ya, but here in California it is nothing but a bunch of bull shit.

Over hyped or not you cant beat a good day at Malibu with 500 of your closest friends.

9.  Having to Use a Bathroom at in Opportune Times: Read this blog I wrote back in 2009 for my thoughts on this topic: Bathroom Revenge and Good Times.

10.  Alfie’s New Toy: About a few weeks ago I decided Alfie’s life was a bit too simple and needed some adversity.  I devised this diamond type contraption I built out of cardboard with a little whole on two sides just big enough to let out a small kernel of dry food if kicked in just the right combination.  It drove him crazy.  Now he has it down to an art.  He can get all the food out of it in under thirty minutes.  I guess I need to go back to the drawing board.

Alfie hard at work…

 


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“Me and Those Dreamin’ Eyes of Mine”, D’Angelo

Posted in Anger, Groovin' High, Music, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on June 5, 2012| 10 Comments »

Alright…I’m gonna write this..from a..stream of …….musical consciousness.
My beat..be.in..4/4 time..
Quarter note gets….65…..
Use this tune as your set…cause that is what I am talking in time toooo…ooooo
Oh yeah. Oh yeah
Im-a-talkin’ ’bout that…soooouulllll…..Muuuuussaaaaak…

Who better to put the soul on the track then D’Angelo?  Yeah that’s right not that many.  What am I rambling about?  I am talking about that soulful, easy groovin’ baby making music, that black music.  Yeah I know its been a while since I have written.  My only defense is that I have been bogged down in the out of control, door swinging in the wind life style all of you my readers have come to love.  I don’t even know where to start and I think that has been why I have not been able to get any constructive words on paper.  At the moment I still don’t have words for all that has happened in my life over the previous few weeks.  In the mean time while I compose myself and gather my thoughts and “mouth words” (two extra UCB points if you post in the comments where and what I am referencing in quotations.) you can enjoy this entry of Groovin’ High.

My new couch guy (yes that’s right after being vacant for over two months there is finally an intrepid soul up for the task of being completely Lisantified.  How many words have I made up here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net with my name somewhere in them? Talk about great moments in narcissism), Sean and I were discussing last night how the majority of America has no soul both musically and symbolically.  America is slowly diluting human ingenuity, integrity and individuality.   If the government had it their way they would start mass producing man like the Mustang and Costco, but that is a master piece blog for another day when I am at my most anarchistic.

What does this have to do with Music or D’Angelo?  Everything.  Americans on a whole have no appreciation for really good, creative and authentic music.  All the people want to hear is generic bullshit that has been re-recorded, re-produced, re-mixed, re-masterd, re-cycled and spit out the back end so they can shake their ass on the dance floor to the same song all night long.  Face it right now the majority of new music being made en mass no matter the genre is complete watered down, inaudible shit.  That is why the DJ’s turn the base real high and load it up with sound effects to make you forget how bad the song your listening to really fucking sucks.  Then people wonder why I cant bring myself to do anything with music anymore. What’s the fucking point?

I was first turned on to D’Angelo while playing with the Proximity Theatre Group this past summer by the music director and in my opinion one of the more brilliant cutting edge composers I have had to pleasure of working with, Ken Urbina.  He had this pre and post show music mix that always opened with “Lady” another great one by this fat cat, D’Angelo.  I used to jam out to it back stage on my soprano sax before each show.  Since then I have picked up a myriad of tracks from him and still jam out on all three of my horns to them.  If I was born black I totally could have been blowing back up for all these guys, but alas I am just a white boy trying too hard as usual.

“Me and Those Dreamin’ Eyes”  is just such a passion filled tune.  That was the whole point of my ramblings earlier in this piece was how too many in this world around me lack passion.  “Whatever” although the one word phrase that should most likely go down as the tag line for my generation is a terrible state of being.  This is the kind music you get down with that special lady in your life to.  Slow dancing round the living room after a hard day at work, bumping and grinding.  Slowly caressing each other as clothing begins to be shed.  I hope you have experienced the passionate love making I am describing  at least once in your life.

When I had a girl friend there was nothing I loved more then sweeping her off her feet in a soulful dance unexpectedly out of nowhere.  Its a bit easier for me since I always have music playing in my house and 1 out 3 songs on my ipod is a soulful, baby making kind of song.  These days I just cross step and shuffle around my apartment by myself on occasion forcing poor Alfie to indulge in a dance on his hind legs with me.  It is after all “The Summer of Alf“.

I want to for a moment refer to the video for this tune as well.  Take a look just for a moment at the scene where this is all going down.  Notice how classy this little juke joint is.  I used to go to places like that to hear music just like this in NYC, NJ and Boston.  Take a good look at the clothing everyone is wearing.  Yeah that’s right they are all dressed fly as fuck.  I don’t see any flannel in this crowd, do you?   I love that the bassist is playing an upright.  When ever I show up to see a group I never heard play and I see an upright bass I know I am in for a solid show.  If I ever get shit going like I want this is the kind of place I want to open up.  I probably wont stay in business too long if I do it in Santa Barbara.

D’Angelo fucking shredding.

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Technical Difficulties

Posted in Anger, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , on May 17, 2012| 6 Comments »

I picked up some bull shit computer virus on Sunday and have been going nuts trying to fix my shit.  I have limited access to most of the features on my computer thus leaving me with limited time or resource to blog.  Know I am in the process of getting things back on track and I promise I will sit down and write something here soon.  I have been continuing and will be continuing to update the surflog.

“The Summer of Alf” has officially begun.  I will post a blog on that in the next day or so.

Please bear with me and I hope to be operating at full capacity by mid week next week the latest.  Then it will be business as usual.  I am going to San Francisco for he weekend so I am sure I will have plenty to say about that here as well.

With out my computer to entertain me I end up occupying my time by making things out of food.

How I feel right now:

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Another Asterisk Victory Courtesy of Sloth

Posted in Anger, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , on May 7, 2012| 18 Comments »

Hey you guys! The numbers are in!

May 1st officially closed the winter quarter and maybe the weakest one both on my part and on yours.  I had a real lack of interest here folks.  Besides Mauriello and Kooky no one even bothered to submit anything.  Then people wonder why I was unmotivated on the UCB front this past quarter.  Whatever I forgive you.  Besides I was too busy getting drunk and fucking up anyhow.  But we are steadily approaching the start of the “Summer of Alf” which officially kicks off Wednesday May 16th.  That means more blogs that are going to be bigger, better and way more bad ass then ever.  There will be laughter, tears, jeers, rants, raves, yet mostly the usual gibberish we have come to love.

It was a two man race and despite the lack of quantity I must say the UCB’s that got written were of a very decent quality. To be honest that is one of the things I am striving for here as of late anyway, quality not quantity.  Here was how the quarter broke down.

John Mauriello takes the cake or the…”waterpik”?
“Your not giving away our waterpik”

1st Place: Mauriello – 4.5points
2nd Place: Kooky Kyle – 3points
Last Place: Everyone Else 😦

Its on for the spring quarter which will run till June 21st.  Its also an abbreviated one thanks to my winter blunder.  That is two power of ten lists and seven UCBs.  I will write the first UCB by the end of the week and that is worth 1.5points, the rest are worth 1point and the Power of tens are worth 2 points.  If you get suggesting then I will get writing.  My hope is to have one UCB a week.

Lets not have our laziness allow the UCB  to end up like this sloth here. “Wake up little friend, oh who killed my pet”

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“First Day At Work” Daniel Johnston

Posted in Anger, Groovin' High, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , , on April 6, 2012| 4 Comments »

Today as a result of my extreme laziness, me lazy…noooooo, never.  Mr. go getter over here, about to become the next Rockefeller.  I am going to combine both the UCB and Groovin’ High.  Now I know what your thinking: “Chris you can’t do that”.  Its my blog and I will cry if I want to.  Alright that really did not make any sense at all sort of like this opening paragraph of complete ramblings of an idiot.  In truth I do prefer asshole as I tried to explain to the girl I kicked out of my bedroom last night cause I wanted to go to sleep.  “Sorry, you need to leave now cause that pillow is where my cat sleeps”.

Now that every female subscriber has clicked the unfollow button on my blog let me get back to the point.  Wait what was I writing about again?  No in all seriousness I am not a womanizing prick.  I am actual a hopeless romantic who has been maliciously manized a few times too many and am now jaded, discontent and at this point rather disappointed in both sexes of humanity, male and female on the whole.  Thus I am forced to lash out in at times an inappropriate manner in order to achieve a petty vindication of sorts.  Basically I am an asshole, at least I’m not bitter, I just get better.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way.  John Mauriello in one of our usual Facebook chat sessions, which by the way may become a monthly segment here if I ever get around to it, yep that lazy thing again.  He posted a link to this funny little surfing short Dane Renyolds posted on his blog Marine Layer Productions.  He put the video to this bizarre song, if you can even call it that.  The singing sounds like a chorus of ally cats crying late at night.  Musically it is probably one of the worst songs I have ever laid ears upon.  The lyrics on the other hand are priceless.

Here is a mental image for you.  I was drinking a cup of tea when I played the video, mid sip mind you.  I ended up snorting tea out my nose I laughed so hard.  It was a fucking mess to clean up.  Mucus, blood and tea, but hey now my sinuses are clear for the moment.  The video for the song is rather fucking funny too.

It reminded me just how much working sucks.  Maybe not my job.  Find a job that you love and you never work a day in your life.  That being said I cant stand having to be somewhere for eight hours at day at a certain time till a certain time.  Then being yelled at for coming an hour late sometimes, showing up intoxicated or disheveled from the night before, yelling at customers, having too much fun (yeah my boss told me I needed to calm down cause I was scaring some of the other employees with the antics I hatch in order to amuse myself), throwing food, throwing knives, starting a fire.  All honest mistakes right?  I guess that sort of stuff is only ok on your first day at work, but now its been a few years since that for me.

Like the song says “Today your boss is nice to you, tomorrow he will be mean to you”.  If you laughed at this blog then this song and subsequent video should have your rolling on the floor.  If by reading this bull shit I have just wrote you found yourself offended in some way then get over yourself and stop taking life so seriously.  Either that or “KILL YOURSELF”. Enjoy “First Day At Work” by Daniel Johnston.

Then watch this a Groovin’ High daily double!  Actually it is in honor of the fact that in a few hours my old and best wingman I ever had, great friend and overall enjoyable dude, Brennan will be in town with his boy Christian.  This means I am going to get sloshed tonight.   Whooooooooooooot!!!!!!!!!!  This is also for John Mauriello cause it was our song two summers ago.  Nick the Kook gets a mention since he introduced us to the song.  Kooky Kyle cause he used to sing it at work on a Tuesday in order to pump me up to go party with him.   Finally my perfidious ex-girl friend Ades who loved this song dearly especially when sung so beautifully by Mauriello and I every Friday and most other days of the week for that matter.  “Ooooo I put on my shoes and Im ready for the (insert high pitched tone) WEEKEND”!

“Ready for the Weekend” by Calvin Harris

Nobody messes with Alfie's sleeping spot...

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