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Archive for the ‘Deep Thoughts’ Category

#@$% Valentine’s Day

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, Life, tagged on February 15, 2012| 3 Comments »

You can fill in whatever four letter word that works for you in the title, kind of like those word books when I was kid, Mad Lips.  I do not believe I need to tell any of you out there the words I wish to fill in.  I have always hated this stupid ridiculous made up holiday.  I mean seriously was it created to make people feel bad or add to alcohol, drug and domestic abuse?

If you have a Valentine then it is a headache trying to make the day special for her.  The main reason is not because of a lack of love, but because every other idiot with a girl friend out there is trying to do the same thing.  End result, everything is crowded, over priced, over zealous.  You get frustrated cause you are blowing it.  She gets frustrated then upset, because you blew it.  She cries, then locks herself in the bathroom while you rub one out and go to sleep.  If your relationship lasts you get to hear about how you blew it for as long the two of you are together.

If your single things can play out in a few different scenarios, all start the same way: depression followed by drinking.   Now if your desperate and cant handle the idea of being alone you go out and call every female you know in hope that you can set up some type situation that will be even remotely close to a date.  Sticking dollar bills down your favorite stripper’s g-string does not count, neither do lap dances.  The date is awkward since you called her out of desperation and she most likely said yes  for the same reason.  After you both go your separate ways, she goes home locks herself in the bathroom and cries.  You go home, rub one out and go to sleep.

Next option: both male and female parties decide to go out in search of a “valentine for the night”.   For many years I have enjoyed time with plenty of women on Valentine’s Day who were looking to have a man for the night to reduce their loneliness.  End result here, next morning she goes home (hopefully, cause when it happens in your bathroom it is quite the nuisance) locks herself in the bathroom and cries.  Like most one night stand bar hook ups you feel even more alone.  In my case I have to wash the sheets on my bed, open my windows  and most likely sleep on the couch cause I can not handle the repugnant smell of casual sex.   If you do not meet a chick then you go home rub one out and go to sleep alone and miserable.

Finally I tried a different route this year.  Initially my plan was to go with the above option.  Then after giving it some  thought decided I would rather just sit home and empty a nice bottle Beaujolais I have been sitting on for such the occasion into my liver.  If you are going to depression drink at least do it with some class.  I have been fighting off this cold for the past week and decided getting absolutely shit house was a bad idea ( what? me really?).  I hung out with my roommates watched a few  episodes of Seinfeld from my box set (Kooky and I are trying to get through the whole thing before he leaves) and now I am writing this.

Maybe it is a step in the right direction.  All I can say is that a fucking broken heart sucks.   I have taken a lot injuries in  my life, but this hurts more then anything and it is completely fictitious.  I am not whining, well not that much anyway just stating a fact.  I find myself more times then not hating the fact that I am alone, but hating the idea of being with anyone.  How is that for an oxymoron?  The worst part is there are a couple of cool women floating around my life at the moment yet I just cant do it.  For now I prefer the company of total strangers.  When they leave in the morning I barely remember their names, in some cases am still too drunk to really even see what they look like and know that most likely I will never see any of them again.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.  All I am going to say is that if you have a Valentine take care of her and ladies appreciate the effort your man has made for you.  A relationship is about more then one stupid day out of the year.  It is about how the interaction is day in and day out.  In my opinion flowers for no reason is far more commendable then flowers on a day where it is EXPECTED!!!  Now if you don’t mind I am going to rub one out and go to sleep.

I was walking on Lead Better the other day and saw this sand sculpture. Its rather classic. I guess that dude was really over women.

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The Scorpion and the Fish

Posted in Deep Thoughts on January 26, 2012| 10 Comments »

My father used to always tell me this story when I was kid every time I would do something stupid.  You know what it still applies to me and how I live my life.  I am about to go downtown and party.  Before I do I figured maybe if I put it into writing it will hit home.  My boy Ryan always said when you write shit down it makes it more meaningful.

There was this scorpion who wanted to get across a river.  Now scorpions can not swim.  A fish was swimming near the shore.   The scorpion shouted out to the fish “hey fish would you be so kind as to let me ride on my back so I may cross this here river”.  The fish replied “I do not wish to help you for if I do you may sting me”.  The scorpion came back with “Now my aquatic friend if I were to sting you then I would die as well. Being that I cant swim if I sting you then we both will drown”.   “Well when you put it that way I believe there is no harm in myself being a service to you” said the fish.

The fish swam to the bank off the river and the scorpion crawled onto his back.  The two got about half way across the river when the fish cried out in excruciating pain.  “Scorpion you stung me!!! Why would you do such a thing?  Now we are both going to die”.  The Scorpion replied “I could not help myself”.  Both creatures met there end at that moment on the river.

There is a lot one can take from this little parable.  I think you can all see what I take out of it.  Talk amoungst yourselves. I am getting drunk!  Whooooooooooot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is actually a scorpion fish. I wonder what would have happened if the Scorpion got on the back of a Scorpion fish? Think about that for a few minutes...hmmmmmmmmmm

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Still Blowing it…

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, Surfing, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 24, 2012| 6 Comments »

I have written all this before and am beginning to sound like a broken record.  If such is the case so be it.  You know what one of the definitions of insanity is?  Doing the same thing over and expecting different results.  At this point in my life I have stopped expecting different results.   Maybe that means I am no longer insane?  Or at the very least not in the that sense.   I think I still classify for the derangement of the mind meaning.

I am not going to lie to you people I have been blowing it hard lately.  You know that New Years proclamation I made about  drinking less and putting my efforts toward more positive actions.   As it turns out since the first I have been partying harder then ever and drinking like a fish.  I must say that at this point I am for augments sake a functioning alcoholic.  I guess it was only a matter of time.  Then again through out my entire life I have went through periods of heavy drink followed by periods of relative sobriety.  Maybe this is just an up turn on the drink side.

Last night I went out to the Wild Cat full on expecting to get shit house wasted and throw an after party at the palace despite the fact that I knew it was the first day of school Monday and that I had a 7am class.  End result of the festivities was finding myself doing vodka shots at 6am while Kooky prepared to go to work.  Needless to say I did not make it to class instead sleeping the entire day away.  The good news is I won the urban indoor golf game we played at 4am to the enjoyment of all my neighbors trying to get some sleep on a Sunday night for their Monday work days.

A few weeks ago I would have been shocked that I would do such a thing. Not this morning.  Nope, everything that went down all the way to this chick I was sort of into hooking up with another friend of mine right in front of me was not surprising at all.  I have truly become one of those Santa Barbara loser idiots I used to make fun of.  At this point I am working on becoming a complete waste of space.

I had this realization of how hard I am currently blowing it in life as I  stood there mid point this afternoon at El Capitan watching five guys enjoy small little waste high plus peelers.  I sat there holding my wet suit still a bit drunk taking it all in.  The green grass rock speckled ground under my feet, the setting sun and subsequent orange sky, the fact that I could not see anything around me but trees and rolling green hills with a llama ranch on it.  And of course the waves.  El Capitan is perfect.  I mean perfect.  Watching the waves break there is mesmerizing.  I don’t think there is a surfer alive who would shake a stick at it.

The cool wind felt amazing on my face.  I took a deep breath of the fresh air.  This is what life is really about I thought at that moment.  This is what I should be doing.  I am better then some alcohol swilling miscreant of the night in a vain attempt to drink my problems away.   Why had I let myself get to this point.  The in shape motivated 22 year old professional surfing Chris Lisanti would slap the shit out of me if he got into a time machine and saw me, himself and what I have let myself become.  I don’t know if I have found rock bottom yet, but I am for the most part at the moment  existing at the bottom of the barrel.

I tugged my wetsuit on and jumped into the water.  My head hurt a bit from both hangover and dehydration.  I stroked into my first wave, a clean waist high peeler and cracked off three solid turns.  Then I started catching a bunch of fun ones dismantling each with a solid backside attack.  Things made perfect sense out in the water. If only I felt the same way on land.  There in lies the problem perchance.  I have been spending far too much time on land and far too little in the water.

Towards the end of the evening as darkness was settling in Kooky and I post change stood there in solitude watching one last perfect little set peel down the point.  I looked at him and said “you know I am better then all this”.  He gave me an approving nod.   We turned away and walked through the dark to the car.  I don’t have answers right now, only questions.     I can’t promise anything.  What I do know is that I can do better…

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Going Hard

Posted in Deep Thoughts, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , on December 10, 2011| 1 Comment »

This week makes a winner of Kooky Kyle in the UCB with his topic “Going Hard”.  Ok, I sort of fed him this topic, but that is one of the few benefits of living in Lisanti Land and being a member of the court.  Kooky is also living involuntarily stuck in the going hard philosophy that has with out a doubt ran my life since as long as I can remember.  Lisanti Land can be exhausting.  My old boss and good friend Steve chilled here for six weeks this summer and still refers to his time at the the Palace as “Lisanti Boot Camp”.

What the fuck am I talking about you ask?  There is this famous saying “I will sleep when I’m dead”.  I am whole heartily a believer of such.   I hate wasting time.  Life is short.  We never know when that last bell is going to toll.  I still cannot believe I have lived to be this old.  I and most who know me had me pegged to be dead by 25, that came and went and now at thirty I am still going strong and for the most part pushing the envelope harder then I ever have.

Originally for me “going hard” was a term I used to describe my party capabilities.  I would show up at your party or my own, down a fifth of rum and get absolutely wild. The jury was always out on whether or not that was a good thing or not. Poor Kooky has I think experienced more black outs in the last few months living with me then in his entire life.  That is because when we go out we go hard.  The drinks flow all night long, we rock the dance floor, dress fabulous and ultimately leave a somewhat lasting impression, even if it is “I can’t believe they are still letting those two idiots in here”.

Enough about my alcoholism and incessant party.   My life is rather cyclical.  I have been going around in a circle for so long now I lost my bearings and never really know if I have moved backward or forward.   For the most part it works like this and in a way this almost covers a single power of ten topic from Nick the Kook.  I start off wild and out of control and I thrive in that insanity for a while.  Overall it holds me back from accomplishing anything substantial.  I take a few steps in one direction then a few back, so on and so forth.  At times I even accomplish some rather amazing shit, but for whatever reason when push comes to shove and things begin to take off for me I go and blow it.

Then I meet a woman, fall in love with her, give her my all for a while thus the go hard philosophy.  Things go well for a while till the wild Chris starts getting restless and blows it.  Left to his own devices unchecked wild Chris ends up wreaking havoc on both himself and his surroundings.  Then I meet another woman and things just keep repeating.  So I would hope everyone should understand what part of the cycle I am in now.  Wild Chris is back, except he is not so wild anymore, but more just completely devoid of any semblance of reality.     The end goal is to go hard at ending this relentless cycle of pain and self destruction.

Enough about my insanity.  I am sorry for getting into that right now in the middle of explaining what going hard is all about. Listen up cause this is really the only thing I want you to take from this blog.  Whatever I have done in life I gave it my all.  I did not half ass anything.  When I wanted to make a go of things in Music everyone told me I was wasting my time and energy.  Big people in the business told me I was not good enough.  I did not listen.  I went home and practiced every day.  When every one of my top schools rejected me on the basis that I was “too commercial and a loose cannon” I found one that was happy to have me.

That is just one example.  At my current work place the first few months were hell.  Everyone came down super hard on me.  My boss kept telling me I was not going to make the cut.  I put my head down and I worked as hard as I could to learn everything I could from anyone willing to give me a chance.  When I was demoted I wanted to quit but stuck it out no matter how embarrassing.  Now I am back to being a full blown dinner cook and for the most part proving my worth every single day, minus the fact that my Mexican rice still needs help, but even that has gotten better.  WTF I am Italian after all.  Now I am in school to hopefully one day become a chef of some caliber.

Going hard is about being a fighter.  Life is going to kick the fucking shit out of you. That is just the reality of things.  Its not easy out there and if it is then you are doing something wrong.  We should always be challenged.  One of my biggest gripes of our society today is the fact that people get too comfortable in their ways and forget what it means to actually live.  Right now for me just living is a challenge.  Everyday I debate if I should get out of bed.  Despite my mood I get myself up, comb my hair, get myself presentable and “Keep on Keeping On” (want some motivation, read it).  That is all I can ask of myself for the moment.

People tell me I am blowing it, and that I never really cared for Adrienne all that much.  Fuck those people, they don’t how I feel or understand.  All the same I am blowing it.  Yeah my heart is broken, so fucking what.  My mother tried to tell me the other day that no one dies from a broken heart.  I think it is the subsequent pain that kills.  I just found out a friend of mine died over the weekend from drinking too much and his alcoholism came directly from heart ache over a woman.

That is not going to be me.  I will get through this.  I do believe things happen for a reason.  There is only a few weeks left of this putrid year.  2011 was by far the worst and hardest year of my life.  I definitely fell apart and let the cycle continue.  2012 is going to be different.  I am going to put my efforts back into my schooling, back into my work, my reading, my writing, my surfing and my character.  If I can attest anything to this miserable time in my life is that I will never go back to being the vile human trash I once was.  In 2012 I am going to go hard at pulling my life back together.

Alright this has gotten all over the place.  If you go out and give your all to whatever it is you are doing than whether you fail or succeed at least you know you did the best you possibly could.  If you do that then you will have no regrets and die complete.  I still do not have any regrets for anything I have done, even in a time where I have been nothing but introspective.  Be honest with yourself and others and do not let anyone ever tell you no.  Only you can tell yourself no and I hope you never do.  That my friends is what going hard is all about.

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The Bitter End

Posted in Deep Thoughts, tagged , , , , , , on December 9, 2011| 4 Comments »

As everyone knows I have been hurting a bit these days.  For a while I was puting all the pain into my novel, but as of late decided to take a step back from that project.  I was finding it hard to get pages finished.  A writer friend of mine told me I should leave it alone for a bit and then come back to it.  About three nights ago I was feeling rather depressed.  It happens to the best of us.  I don’t really know what happen next.  This Stanley Jordan song came up on my ipod’s shuffle and the words started to flow.  I have not written a short story in some time.  Maybe it is a pre-amble to something greater.  All I can say is putting it on paper really helped me to clear my head.  I don’t know if its any good, probably just a string of incoherent garbage.  You can be the judge.  I have not had too much writing on here as of late so I figured I would share something different as an apology for that.  Enjoy.

The Bitter End

 He heard the angry clacking of her heels on the sidewalk. The sound slowly got more faint as she walked off into the distance.  Why did she leave?  Why did he let her?  Why was he not the one to leave her?  Why had his heart just sunk into his chest leaving him feeling weak?  “You have so much potential, but I can’t sit here and watch you destroy yourself any longer.”

Those were the words that stuck with Joe. “I don’t love you anymore, I never really did”.  He did not say a word to that.  To any of it for that matter.  He just sat there and listened.  It was almost as if he was not there, but floating above the whole scene.  All the screaming, arguing and the crying.  He did not even feel the pain or blood slowly trickling down the knuckles of his steadily swelling hand.

No, all he could think about was the fact that he would never see her again, never smell her hair next to him when he woke up in the morning, never experience the warmth of her naked body pressed up against his after being satiated by the heat of the passion they once had for each other.  It was over, really over this time.  Not like all the others when she had walked out and came back a few hours or a day or two later.  He did not know for sure, but was almost certain.

There is this extra sensory that couples develop for one another after a sufficient amount of time passes.  They can just sense the thoughts and emotions of the other.  That is one of the remarkable mysteries of love.  He had pushed her limits too far this time.  Joe knew it.

She had loved him once he thought, even if she said otherwise.  Why is it when two lovers split up they always have to say the most hurtful things.  She had to love him once right?  Why else would she have stayed with him for all those years?  She was there when he was on top of the world and when it all came crashing down.  She nursed him back to health when he was bed ridden with an unknown illness.  She always put his needs first.

She had to have loved him at least once.  Maybe she still did.  He would never know now.  She would not come back.  He knew that.  And he would not go after her.  There he sat paralyzed on the dirty front porch of his apartment, their apartment at one time.  He did not care that the dirt would soil and possibly ruin the designer beige and cream pinstripe suit he had tailored for him.  He did not care about the fact that his hand was broken or the subsequent hole in the wall.

She would not come back.  One tear fell from his right eye.  Just one.  The tin man finally got his heart.  She never really knew how he felt for her.  He was never able to express it.  He thought at times his actions may have shown it.  What did that matter now? Water under the bridge.  She would not come back. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not ever.

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Things That Are Insane…

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, News From Lisanti Land, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 4, 2011| 4 Comments »

If you have not noticed the amount of blogs featured here on SurfingRuinedMyLife.net have become a bit limited, sort of like a fine vintage of a great bottle of Bordeaux.  Ok its not really like that at all.  Things have been a bit busy and my mood and spirits shift up and down like a crazy carnival roller coaster.  “Better to have loved and lost then not loved at all” I find myself in a constant struggle whether to agree or disagree with such.  I know I need to handle my shit and I think things are getting better.  I had a tough go a few weeks ago thanks to a certain circumstance that I am not really ready to discuss here.

I need more time to stew on it, come to terms with the results a bit.  Check out the November Surflog, 11/19 for a little on what happened there.   All I will say is that I am still in a state of constant amazement of the world around me, but more so on the way things have panned out for me at the moment.  I guess it could be worse.  I could be a heroine addict  and then not only be unhappy but also slowly killing myself with a filthy drug addiction.  Believe me after being through two heroine addict roommates back to back in the last four months It makes me feel a bit better about being a drunk.  As they say in Casablanca:

Nazi Guy: Nationality?
Rick: Drunkard
French Inspector: That would make Monsieur Nick a citizen of the world.

I think a great number of people out there drink in excess, but are afraid to admit it to themselves.  The first step is always admittance after all.  Then the next step is deciding if it is a problem or not.  I am still in the midst of the second step.  One thing for sure I will never give up my vin.  What the fuck is all this random ranting about? Well I think it is time to fill everyone in on what has been going down in Lisanti Land the last few weeks.  I am going to try something new this time and I hope it is entertaining.

“And with Daren’s Help We got that Chicken”

Me and Penny, the coolest Chicken in the world!

 There was this episode of Seinfeld entitled “The Voice” and it ran in the 9th and final season of the show.  Kramer gets this business intern fraudulently from NYU and then loses him when the school realizes “Kramerica Industries was no more then a man, and an apartment that may or may not contain a chicken”. Kooky now following in my footsteps working as a stock boy at Mesa Produce, the same place I got my start here in SB (look at me now kids, still partying at the Wild Cat whooot! The more things change the more they stay the same.  I came out here to get over a woman, only to meet another and then have her leave me right back where I started) happened to come across the opportunity to get a free chicken.

How could I say no to that.  The plan was since the chicken was useless, too old to lay eggs I thought it would be a grand idea to use her in a Recipe D’Jour feature called how to make a Chicken from Scratch similiar to the  “How to make a Pumpkin Pie from Scratch” feature only a bit more deranged and disturbing.  Then again it has been a year since that blog was written and that is exactly what Lisanti Land has become these days.  I was all ready to take my meat cleaver to her head.  Then one morning after a tough night out I was sitting in my backyard in an attempt to find inner peace and wisdom within the confines of my serenity garden.  Who jumps into my lap but the Chicken.  I was petting her and she was clucking and all seemed alright.

I promised her she would not die by my hands.  Unfortunately chickens are really messy animals and shit all over the place.  You know that expression where people say this sucks worse then chicken shit.  Let me tell you that chicken shit sucks pretty bad.  I built this ghetto rigged coup out of some chicken wire I found in the trash a while back and some broken picture frame I found for Ade’s to use as an art project once upon a time.  It was rather makeshift but did the job.  Well about two days ago Penny found her way out of the pen and has not been heard from since.  Ryan and I think the Mexican gardener who always comes into my garden and fucks up my plants stole her.  Kooky thinks she got eaten by one of the many predatory creatures that would love to make a meal out of a poor defenseless chicken.  In my fantasy land I like to think that she now lives safely and happily with in the confines of the thickly vined in area behind my building eating bugs and living the high life, whatever that maybe for a chicken.

“But What if it works”

There are good ideas, there are bad ideas and then there are the ideas you have when you are walking home from the bar at 2am drunk as shit.  There we found ourselves Kooky and I about a block from The Kitty on Ortega street staring into a fifty inch projection television set.  “Its does not work” I said.  “But what if it does” Kooky replied.  Next thing I know I am carrying a giant TV across town at 2am.  It was not that heavy just awkward as hell to hold.  We had to make occasional pit stops but only in spots where we could put the thing down on a surface just high enough that the TV could be propped up with out any extra lifting.   We passed some black guy near the Castillo 7-11 and he said “I have seen some stupid ideas in my day but this just may take the cake”.

We passed a cop car, campus security and countless others.  No one stopped us, tried to rob us and we did not get arrested.  Only in California.  In New Jersey we would not have made it one block with that thing.  We made it three miles.  An hour later we got home exhausted only to find out the next morning that it did not work.  Awesome.  We decided to pay it forward and put it outside the building with a sign that read “Free it works :)”.  Don’t ever forget who the king of the assholes is.

Those are the faces of champions...or idiots...you make the call.

Surfing

I needed a woman in my life. “I’m not all bad, but was just drawn that way”

Read the surflog. All my surfing escapades and everything in between winds up there these days.  I do up date it every day.  I did get a new J7 Surfboard. I went a little more robust in the tail this time around.  So far it is going really well for me, although I have only gotten three session on it and have yet to cut its teeth at Rincon.  Time will tell.  Kooky did some dank ass art work on it as well.  Jason is on it these days and you really cant go wrong with a surfboard from him.

School
School has been a pain in the ass as always.  In my baking class I managed to be the only one in my class to pull off a flawless dessert and bread.  Still I was only bestowed a 91 because as my professor put it I did not challenge myself with the dessert.  I made a chocolate almond biscotti.  Besides I had never baked a loaf of bread before and I missed both bread classes thus handicapping myself a bit rather then not challenging myself.  I wanted to do a dry run on the bread at home, but ended up drinking instead.  I went in cold, book in hand and winged it.  Somehow I managed to bake two bad ass loaves if Italian bread.  Now maybe it is my heritage or that the man in the sky decided to cut me a break for a change. Either way I was rather proud of my bread.

How do you like them apples...errr, bread?

In my pantry class It was a group final where we had to produce a grilled chicken salad, eggs Florentine,  Rice Pilaf and a  grilled sandwich.  I did all the cooking, all the knife cuts and the final plating yet somehow was hit with a 5 out of 10 for execution because I mixed my mirepoix together prior to cooking for the pilaf and he was pissed that I missed the last two classes in a row.  Fuck, I cook for a living and most of the class was rather rudimentary for me.  I failed work study cause I did not bother to hand in any of the work and catering cause I did not do any of the work .  Last semester I pulled a 4.0 this semester it is shaping out to be a bit lower then that.  Hey if your not going to be first you might as well be last eh? Here are some shitty quality pictures of the project I took on my cell phone.

The Rice Pilaf severed in a roasted eggplant bowl.

Grilled Chicken Salad molded into primary shapes

The Trifector

So there you have it in a nut shell what has been going down in The Land of Lisanti.  Hope you found a laugh or two from my gnarl.

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Mi Famiglia

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , on November 17, 2011| 16 Comments »

This week’s UCB makes a winner of Nick the Kook with an old topic suggestion of “Family”  from I believe way back in August.  I have been mulling it over in my head literally for the last two months or so.  That is how you know you dropped a good topic when I stew on it for months.  Then again I stew on most things.  I think my life would be much easier if I just stopped thinking so much.  Maybe I just need to smoke more pot.  Kook earns one point for his efforts. Remember everyone November is half over so get your “Power of ten” lists in asap.

Its funny I really did not know how to approach this topic.  Initially I had dismissed it all together under the premise that I had written a similar blog back in the myspace.com days and that was if my memory serves me correct (it never does) was also a UCB and a rather negative take on the whole institution.  Well these days my thoughts are a bit different thus warranting another blog.

Blame it all on Chicken Enchilada Friday.  Last week I had to roll 834 enchiladas for dinner (if you are lost I run a small Mexican Station at the college I cook at for dinner Wednesday through Friday for more on that see  What it all Amounted to). Since I have been working at Westmont Enchilada days have been like a family affair.  Everyone in the kitchen pitches in and helps roll a few helping whomever has to make it happen on their menu finish in an hour rather then four.  It was my time of need and everyone helped me and it warmed my cold black heart  just a bit.

My Genetic Family

I spent the greater portion of my life hating my family.  I hated living with them, hated visiting, despised large family  gatherings such as holidays, weddings, or party’s.  Distance really does in my case make the heart grow fonder, as the phrase goes.  These days living in California completely across the country from the family I grew to hate, I have now grown to love once again.  I see my folks about once a year, maybe twice if I am lucky.  Its on the fault of both parties.  I hate New Jersey, which is where they live and they hate California, where I live.

Since we are a bunch of stubborn backward Italians no one bothers to compromise.  So I in recent years have actually made a trip home for the holidays to see my folks and even participate in a larger family Christmas gathering.  Its hard for me cause December is one of the few months where epic west swells are possible.  One year I missed near epic El Capitan, Sand Bar and Naples to visit my parents in South Florida where the waves were barely waist high.

You got me I was  bit sour on that one, but these days I have in my current vintage have reached a slightly heightened level of maturity (don’t worry I still spent about 30 minutes watching a flock of sea gulls fight off a flock of crows for a loaf of bread and loved every minute of it the other day.  If that proves anything of my “maturity,” see the surflog for more about that.).  With this recent yet minuscule ontogenesis in mentality I have come to realize that there are some things in life that are worth missing the occasional day of surfing for.  Heck these days I miss more sessions to alcohol abuse then I can keep track of (that is a lie they are all accounted for in the surflog so I can loath myself for my stupidity at a later date).

The fact of the matter is I love my family and it took moving across the country to realize just how important all of them are to me.  My parents raised me well.  I know right now I may not  the man I could be, but with the morals and good teachings instilled on me by them, when I gather the strength to pull my head out of my ass and achieve greatness it will be my family I thank first.  I actually do look forward to the few opportunities I get to visit and spend quality time with them and that is what all that time is now since it is so short, Quality Time.  I think we as people take for granted the ones closest to us and never realize just how much they actually mean to us till they are gone.

The Court of Lisanti Land

I have always kept a small yet tight nit group of friends around me.  These people I consider family even though they are not blood.  I would give my life for any of them as I would any of my actual blood relations.  I do every thing in my power to make sure they are in good spirit. Currently I have Kooky Kyle and my buddy Ryan living in my apartment for cheap, while I take on a bit of a financial loss.  having them here has been an amazing boost to my mental health and that one can not put a price tag on.  Over the summer I felt so alone and empty.

Now instead of coming home to a vacuous home my lair is bustling with activity.  Whether it is the entertaining antics of Kooky while he is stoned, or Ryan and his girl Addy enjoying each other’s company, the family meals Kooky and I prepare for everyone on Mondays and Tuesdays or when I bring left overs home from work and they jump on it.  I even enjoy the chorus of snores that come out of their room.  They brought life back to my somber cadaverous existence I was eking out.

Then there are my friends that live afar now but  once were active participants of the  court. Fact of the matter is if you have been a member of the court  and you know who you are then you are my family forever regardless of what goes down.    I have a few guys that I regularly surf with as well whom I would also consider family.  To me family are the people who help you to advance through life in a positive way. People who only want to see the best for you and don’t want to see you fall.  In a world full of scoundrels its nice to know I have so many genuine people around me.

A Family of My Own?!?

Ten years ago I would have rather have been raped by an electric eel then even have to think about starting a family.  Five years ago still not a twinkle in my eye.  Two years ago I was adamant on the topic.  The answer was always absolutely not.  These days as I watch the juncture of time pass by me empty and lonely I think a bit differently on the subject.  A wife, kids, some type of normal established life seems oddly appealing to me and yet at the same time completely unattainable.  Nor should I be aloud another chance.  I had mine and it passed.  Maybe it is only fair.  If my fate is to walk the earth for eternity alone so be it.  I will always have my court and their families to watch over.

My amazing family and I this past summer in NYC

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Fuck Off!

Posted in Anger, Deep Thoughts, tagged , , , , , , , on October 26, 2011| 5 Comments »

I’m angry, well saddened mostly, borderline depressed?  I guess that is how it has always been for me, for as long as I can remember.  I don’t think I am a monster, yet I find myself constantly in the midst of being despicable.  Can one be predestined for unhappiness?  For a long time I thought I was evil.  I know now that it is not the case.  I am just pissed off at the world, a world I was never meant to be a part of.

I am a part of this terrene and there for make the best of it most of the time.  I have yet to find anything better.  Most days I find the motivation to get out of bed seriously lacking.  Still I trudge on.  I tell myself “keep on, things are going to get better”. I mean I have to cause it is what I tell everyone else in my life.  I hate lying to my parents that everything is fine, so instead I stopped calling them altogether.  No one likes a pity party and it does them no good to worry.

My dad called me today to find out if I was still alive.  This happens about once ever two weeks or so when I break contact.  He gave me a pep talk that at least got me to go to class where I bombed the written part of my midterm.  I think I got a C and that is all I am shooting for this semester cause I don’t give a fuck.  So much for the 4.0 I swung last semester.  I think most of my class mates take me for arrogant cause I keep to myself and take in as much as I possibly can.

Most people take me for that come to think of it.  Its not that I am arrogant, but more that I have confidence in myself and my own ability.  I am not a bullshitter and I know what I am capable of and not.  I can be honest with myself.  I find that the majority of the population is asleep, just going through the motions of life not really understanding why they do the things they do, almost machine like.  I analyze every thing I do and everything that happens around me probably to my detriment.

With all this thought I still have absolutely no answers.  Then again “a wise man knows that he knows nothing at all”.  When we stop asking questions then are we really living?  I think I am at a serious cross road in my life, a what is next for Chris Lisanti.  For the moment I do not have any answers.  No questions, no answers, that is a verity I must accept.  The mere idea of the assertion of this has been constantly plaguing me.   I know that if I can consent to such a mantra I may be able to get over this hump I find myself  stuck in front of.  Or am I destined to be Sisyphus?  Maybe I have finally reaped what I sowed?

…A brief look into the insanity that is the mind of Chris Lisanti…

He feels my pain.

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The Essence of a Fifi

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, User Choice BLog, tagged , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2011| 6 Comments »

Opening day or blog might I add of the winter and final quarter of the 2011 UCB series.  As of press time it is a three way tie for the year end championship between Nick the Kook, Kooky Kyle and John Mauriello.  Now all three of these guys are seasoned pros at this UCB thing.  That does not mean you can’t swoop in there and steal the quarter.  If that was to happen then we will have a blog off the first week of January to crown a champion.  Remember first prize is a self expense paid trip to Lisanti Land.

Also I am writing this months Power of Ten list in the coming week so if you have yet to submit a list do it asap.   Enough business.  Lets get down to the first installment of the quarter.  Mauriello came out of the gates swinging and it paid off with the first win garnishing him with 1.5 points.  He asked I describe just exactly what a “Fifi” in Lisanti-isms or Lisanti Speak as I like to call it.  I sort of have my own little dialog of sayings and vocabulary strange to the world outside of the small sphere of influence that is Lisanti Land.  I am not going to tackle all of my strange speak but I will address what a “Fifi” is considering I have mentioned the term several times over the last few weeks.

A few years ago I found myself at a loss to define a relationship that was more then a friend with benefits but not quite a girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other.  Significant other,  what is that term exactly.  I believe everyone I hold dear to me in my life is significant and other just sounds so cold.  I was sitting in a dinner at 3am in New Jersey after a late night at work with a very good friend of mine who went by the name Troll, a nick name bestowed upon him by yours truly.  He was seeing this chick for over two months.  They were sleeping together but were not girlfriend and boyfriend.

They were not quite fuck buddies cause both felt for one another, yet they were not exclusive as well.  I have been in said situation a few times and it is in my opinion one of the most frustrating ambiguous positions there  is in life.  I think it puts a strain on both parties of the relationship (I mean relationship in the most simple way of the definition).  At that point the alliance between the two can and will go one of two ways.  It will either end in utter ruin or an actual loving affinity for one another.  In my case it has always been the former to hold true.

At this late night meal where I happily enjoyed an over sized piece of Boston Cream Pie, my diner standard, I came up with the term Fifi for his situation.  Unfortunately for him his contact with his Fifi went just like my own experiences with such by way of the Indian.  Where did I get this term from you ask.

Well it all goes back to the film That Thing You Do  staring Tom Hanks.  It is a in my opinion a rather enjoyable movie and totally worth a watch if you have never seen it before.  There is this scene towards the end of the flick where one of the characters is checking out of the hotel they were staying at and was looking for his friends. The bell hop said all of them had split, but “Their little Fifi was still around”.  In the film “Fifi” was this chick that was seeing this character’s friend, but they had broken up.  Through out the entire film one could see there was something between the two of them.  That is how I came up with the term.

I think it describes the connection rather well.  “Fifi” is like this fun non-committal sounding name.  It was also the name of Pluto’s girlfriend in the old Walt Disney cartoons.  For me the term works well and has become accepted by my friends for this meaning.  Its better then Urban Dictionary meaning in which a “Fifi” is a masturbation device created by prison inmates by taking a sock and filling it with Vaseline or toothpaste.  If you like my little term, more proof of my personal detachment from the world and further proof of my own insanity feel free to use it. I do.  Mauriello, the man who is the benefactor of this post now happily calls his former “Fifi” girlfriend.  See folks not everything ends up in flames or maybe it is too early to tell with them.   All I have to say is that I hope only the best for the pair.  So now you know what I am talking about when I use the term “Fifi”.  If some guy fresh out of prison uses it I would be a little more skeptical of what definition he is referring to.

Here is that scene I from That Thing You Do that I was talking about:

 

 

 

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The State of Lisanti Land Address

Posted in Deep Thoughts, Life, News From Lisanti Land, Surfing, tagged , , , , , on September 27, 2011| 7 Comments »

Enough said.

Well kiddies out there in Cyber Lisanti Land, (the physical Lisanti Land exists in Santa Barbara California, Cyber Lisanti Land on the other hand is everything that SurfingRuinedMyLife.net encompasses) I thought it would be a good time to bring you up to speed on just what has been going on here.  September has been a rather slow blog month and for that I apologize.  Ok, you got me I really don’t give a fuck at all.

What have I been up to you ask?  Drinking for one thing.  That’s right I’m back on the bottle.  I gave that good citizen God loving crap a try for a few months.  I tried to tell myself I was happy and that if I prayed to Jesus all would be better.  Guess what I’m not happy, well err let me rephrase that.  I am happy.  I mean shit I’m going on five straight days of Rincon and tomorrow will make six See Surf Log.

Happiness is one of those things that just may be a crock of shit only to be enjoyed by those of a lower mental plane.  Intelligent people know too much to just believe in blind happiness.  I would like to quote Aldous Huxley, from his novel Brave New World (yes my Jersey friends its not just a bull shit sell out chain of surf shops).

“Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the over compensations for misery. And of course stability isn’t nearly so spectacular as instability.  And being contented has none of the glamour of a good fight against misfortune, none of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt.  Happiness is never grand.”

So if being happy means being completely bored out of my skull then no thank you I will take misery.  Besides isn’t it all the adversity, mostly self brought upon, I face in my everyday life that makes surfingruinedmylife.net such a fun place to visit?

You bet your ass it does.  When things are going shitty for me my hits here are always through the roof.  I write a few blogs about how nice and happy everything is and I’m lucky if I get 15 hits.  Misery loves company folks.  We are in this bullshit life together.  Whatever the case I am still going to make the most out of it I possibly can.

I live on that “grand” scale so to speak.  Not to float my own boat (wait I have my own website devoted to doing just that) but that is exactly what my life is: GRAND!  I don’t think I would want it any other way.  I have tried that mellow settled down crap and it just is not me.  I think I am only happy when constantly faced with adversity.  So be it. I suppose that is my plight in this life.  Don’t cry for me Argentina. I’m not sitting here playing the world’s smallest violin.

Back on the God thing for a moment, I have nothing wrong with organized religion and everyone was super nice to me there.  I was bored to tears when I attempted to live like that and truthfully after some long hard cogitation I just could not come up with a decent reason to believe.  I believe in myself and the power I possess with in to make the best decisions in my life for me.  No book written a thousand times over is going to tell me how to live.  If those are your beliefs I do not think any less of you and wish you the best, but I am going back to my agnostic self.  (see “Finding err…God” for more about my recent conversion)

I am not going to sit back and blindly believe that there is some master divine plan out there for me.  I will make my own plan thank you.  Now that I am back on track with my hedonistic egocentrism let me just say the adventures have been numerous.  Some I have told, some I have forgotten, some I did not wish to tell at this time and others are for my own personal vault.

Work started up back at Westmont again.  I was promoted to dinner cook II meaning I get to work with a variety of recipes on a daily recipe and has boosted my erudition of culinary technique through the roof.  I learn more there in one day then I have learned in a semester at school.  I thought with my promotion may have come a raise.  Instead I got twice the responsibility with the same old pay.  Maybe next time around, nonetheless I love my job and next to surfing is the second happiest place I find these days.

School is school.  I am super unmotivated, but I know it is a means to an end.  I have a new goal in life and that is to be able to some day afford life with out a roommate.  I think it is rather feasible.  Upon getting out of school hopefully I can get a decent job running my own kitchen for $20 plus an hour.  I have given up on long term plans.  For now I am just focusing on finishing school and becoming the best damn chef I can.

I have decided that 2011 is going down in the history of Lisanti Land books as the year of WHATEVER!  That’s right, I just don’t give a fuck anymore about anything.  Its been a rather tough year for me and how I am still alive is beyond me.  I definitely acquired a few more wrinkles on my brow from all the pain.  My boy Ryan says all I have went through is good cause it builds character.  I feel like I have enough character.  Shoots, I could fill the backgrounds of like six different characters.

Whatever, I don’t give a fuck.  I have also come to the conclusion that I am an emotional masochist, only happy when I am pining over a member of the opposite sex.  So far I have not gotten that right and at this point most likely never will.  Look for some blogs about this coming soon.  I promise you they will be worth the wait.

Currently there is one woman in my life.  She seems to find great pleasure in the persecution me emotionally every chance she gets.  Every time I tell myself I am finished with her bilge she pulls me back in.  Then again that is why I am crazy.  Insanity: doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.  I love her just the same and will take her prodding as long as necessary to either bring her to me or push her away for good.  Maybe that is what love is all about, wanting to be with someone despite their treatment of you.  I know there is so much good inside her, even if she does not see it of herself.

Between the girl, work, school, surfing, drinking at the Wild Cat and all the other preposterousness that goes on I have not been left with all that much time to write.  2011 is the year of WHATEVER.  I promise in 2012 I will try again at life.  For the next three months please no pity emails, interventions, “Chris we care about you and think you are wasting your potential” messages.  Let me do whatever the fuck I want and if I make it to 2012 I promise to do something constructive in the new year.

This is me turning my back on life for the next three months. It kind of looks like Field of Dreams except I am walking into the vines in stead of corn. That's because I find no pleasure in drinking corn syrup.

Even Alfie is over it.

 

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