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Posts Tagged ‘Kooky Kyle’

Kooky’s time here is waning, closing in on just about two weeks.  I must say the kid has certainly grown on me these past few months.  I believe he has seen more sides of Chris Lisanti than anyone besides maybe my mother.  Kyle has experienced, angry Chris, party Chris, drunkard Chris, depression Chris, suicidal Chris, hard working Chris even relationship Chris.  Despite dealing with all my moods and insanity he has stayed true and loyal.  In this day in age it is a trait hard to find in another human.  I respect this trait for I myself am one of the most loyal subjects to be found.  Those that head me will get the same treatment in return.

I feel a bit like a proud mentor at this moment.  I have watched over the past four months a kid who I thought might get eaten up by the world learn how to survive outside of the realm of a book.  Knowledge gets you far, yet knowledge plus experience earn one wisdom.   Two months ago I had real fears for the kid over in New Zealand and in life in general.  He survived an extended stay in Lisanti Land at one of the heaviest eras in it’s history.   As I watch him command himself both at life and work these days I am honored to call him one of my brothers.  Kooky Kyle is going to make it in this life folks and its not going to be as drone as I once was afraid of.  I feel assurance that on the road of life he shall take the path less trodden upon.

What a month it has been since you last heard from me. I am still alive believe it or not. I surfed epic El Capitan and some really good Rincon with manageable crowds. I can finally surf a point as it should be surfed, linking turns and sections together. I am no master, but a wave is not totally wasted on me. After nearly four months here I finally got a real mattress and my room is my own, though Alfie still likes to use it as his litter box. Marc recently left, and left his sickness he picked up down in Orange County around the apartment. I am trying to dodge it as best I can. We now have a new couch mate, Dave. He came here as a guest of Chris, but now, I consider the kid a friend of mine too. I guess that is how these things work, shared roof, shared food, shared bar tabs, and shared friends. Gainfully employed, and secure in my living situation, I am now gearing up to leave Santa Barbara.

Why, you ask? First if I do not leave soon, when? Sure next month is a likely bet for some of the more elusive spots to turn on. After that the likelihood of scoring the points rapidly diminishes and what am I doing here? I have booked my ticket to New Zealand and will be there for forty days. I am really excited and a little nervous. Never in my life have I set off to be, as far from everyone I have known, as I am about to be. How can one grow though when they live in the shade of comfort? Even here in Lisanti Land I had a safety net of Chris and the Palace. Even though Chris and I joke about killing each other, I know he has my back as he has illustrated time and time again. Now do not get me wrong, I have grown here  My surfing has definitely improved as I have constantly pushed myself in the water.  I have also learned there is more to life than surfing. Surfing can be the avenue to what else there is in life or it can block you off to it. I hope that I can find the prior to be true, as I have lived most of my life so far under the later.  I will undoubtedly make memories and grow on this adventure. No concrete plans, no travel partners, it is just me.
After New Zealand I have a few things cooking. Some opportunities have come up that I want to take but would have to give up on others. It does look as though I will be returning to New Jersey and rounding out my last summer as a lifeguard.  It saddens me to think that my childhood is ending. I have spent every summer of my life with my extended family at our beach house. I spent more time there than many of my cousins, especially in these recent years. I made many of my best friends there, some of whom are more than friends now.  They are family. Alas, all things must pass. I stand on the verge of my adulthood and see the experiences that lay ahead and I embrace it.
If you are in New Zealand let me know I wouldn’t mind grabbing a beer or some waves with anyone.

Brothers from another mother.

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Who likes to party? We like to fucken party!

I have known this girl Micheala from my home town back in New Jersey since my buddy Bojangles dated her when she was 14.  Years have passed like their relationship.  Thanks to the wonderful internet perpetual waste of time FaceBook.com her and I began communicating pretty much right around the time Adrienne and I were falling apart.  It was nice to have someone to talk to especially someone who was an outsider to the situation.  When I was home in NJ over the summer playing some shows with a Santa Barbara based theater group, Proximity she took me around the NJ night life scene and even managed to get me to go out for a grovel  surf or two.  See A Trip Back East blog for more on that trip.

I was rather appreciative since Nick the Kook my usual partner in crime when I am back East was in Chile causing trouble.  You can read about his adventures on his blog Staywet.net.  The lazy fuck has not written anything in a while.  I need his incoherent stupidity to help myself feel better about the garbage I write.  As a token of my gratitude I offered Micheala a pass to Lisanti Land anytime she wished.  She had been claiming she was cruising for a while during her winter break.  I was skeptical.  People always tell me they are coming, but end up never making it, Keifer, Cory.  Cory may still be waiting for me to pick him up at LAX.  At this point he is like Tom Hanks in the movie Terminal.

To my surprise she ended up making it out here in early January and spent a solid seven days.  Now whenever I have a Lisanti Adventure Tour I always ask the recipient what he/she want to get out of the trip.  Santa Barbara is my town and if it is going down here and you want to be a part of it then more times then not I can make it happen.  My connections here get stronger every day and my own person wanderlust spirit has helped me to become a connoisseur on the town.  Whether it be surfing, skate boarding, wine tasting, hang gliding, sailing, island tours, whale watching, hiking, party, sky diving, breweries, events etc, I can make it happen.

Micheala was looking to surf and party as much as possible. These two options happen to be some of my stronger points as if this blog has not proved already over the years.  First night I had her at the Wild Cat sucking down rum and cokes with the boys.  I think I may have thrown in a round of Adios Mother Fuckers just for good measure.  It was a Sunday and those never disappoint at the Kitty.   A good time was enjoyed with out a doubt by all.

Next morning I had the day off.  The options were to either go down south and surf the beachies there or run up north to Jalama where conditions looked rather favorable.  I left the decision to her being she was a guest.  “I want to go get the biggest waves you can find” was her reply.  Remember folks in Lisanti Land one must always watch what they wish for.  We rolled up north and it was solid.  I was really only expecting chest to head high fun surf.  Turns out the beach break was easily 6-8ft and Tarantellas was breaking.

Like a bone head I forgot my wet suit back in Santa Barbara.  It was agreed that whomever got out first would allow me to use his suit between Sorbo or Kooky so I could get a few.  The gang paddled out at Tarantellas and were all rather shocked with the extreme gnarl factor and power of the wave.  Kooky fell in love with it.  Micheala and Sorbo found it a bit more then they were looking for.  Thanks to Kooky I managed to get a few fun ones too.  It was a splendid day on the beach.  Nice weather, good conditions and a very light crowd.  I think everyone had a great time.

That night Micheala wanted to keep the party going and then set the precedent that we were going to rage ever night till she left on Friday.  I do not think I need to tell any of my readers here about my party capabilities, but Micheala’s program nearly had me throw in the towel.  It was seven very exhausting nights of pure ridiculousness.  From druken fights, to samurai swords through living furniture, to urban golfing, calling a lady about her missing cat at 2am, throwing fruit and lord knows what else at one another on a drunken walk home, bizarre dancing on the cat walk and dance floor, vomiting behind dumpsters, after parties with Mexican gangsters.   You name it we did it that week.  Then after she left instead of taking the night off Kooky and I went out to the Kitty and I threw an after party that went just about all night with nearly thirty heads in attendance.  Good times.

Micheala also got a scrumptious home cooked meal from the Lisanti Kitchen.  By request Kooky and I served up grilled chicken pasta primavera in one of the best alfredo sauces I have put together yet.   Unfortunately thanks to starting up work at Westmont one meal was all I was able to prepare.  I had limited time to give to her tour as well.   She was an adventurous one and had no problem taking her skate board and meandering her way all over town.

She got a really fun day at Rincon where I believe she got one of the better waves of her life.  Learned first hand just how bad of a wave Leadbetter really is and got to sample my New Jersey wave away from home, New Jetty.  On her last night Sorbo and I decided to build a barricade of chairs to the ceiling in front of her bedroom door and then backed it up with the living room couch just to show our endearment towards her.  By far I think it was with out a doubt one of the heavier Lisanti Adventure Tours to date.  That’s the challenge out there for anyone willing to risk their skin in Lisanti Land, get more ridiculous then Micheala.

Here is a little slide show of some of the ridiculousness.

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The Lost Cat Video:

 

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We have not heard from our good friend Kooky Kyle in quite sometime now.  Most of that is my fault since I have been too lazy to post some of his other blogs.  Some I am yet to decid whether I wish to or not.  One thing is for sure I really must commend the kid.  He has managed to survive nearly four months in Lisanti Land living exclusively at the Palace and currently sits in the number two seat under me here at the Lisanti Court. 

Don’t think it has been easy.   Anyone who has spent any time here knows just how trying it can be on a persons mind, body and soul.  He has put up with near deaths due to bike break dysfunction as a result of drunken maliciousness, samurai sword mishaps, my drunken tantrums, my drunken violence, urban golf and some rather out of hand after partying.  Feel free to check out the surflog the past few months for the details on some of that.   So far he has not lost his mind and I think is actually having a good time.  Here is a brief update he wrote like a week ago or so.  As I said I am lazy thus just getting around to posting it now.  With out further ado here is Kooky’s Korner….Chris

What is new with me?  The holiday season ended my tenure at Mesa Produce as they are closed for the winter. Chris graciously hooked me up with another job. This time I am working the pizza and grill stations at Westmont College. Our hours don’t really coincide most days, which is a bit of a pain in the ass. I worked my first day yesterday and all things considered I think I can handle it. My time schedule for New Zealand has been pushed back as I had some unforeseen expenses out here. I lost then found my passport and have to wait for a new one to arrive. When that comes I will get a definitive date for New Zealand. Presently I have my room all to myself as Ryan moved out and until Chris starts the hunt for a new room mate the room is mine, complete with one super under inflated, deluxe air mattress.

We have been hosting a string of visitors as of late. My friend Brendan came up from San Diego for Christmas. I am the Grinch. The commercialism of Christmas repulses me as well as the guilt people use to make you participate in the festivities. I am not Christian and I do feel I should have to participate in the holiday. That said, the way this Christmas went was fantastic, minus the trip to the jail. It got stripped down to the basics, no work, and enjoying the company of friends. I really enjoyed it and I hope Brendan enjoyed himself.  Check out the Christmas blogs for the details on that, Part I, Part II and Part III . Currently we are providing a couch for Chris’s buddy Marc and his friend Michaela. I believe Cory is on his way out here as well. John promised to make the trek down from San FranFABULOUS for Chris’s birthday, which is only fair because we both powered the trip to visit him for his birthday.
Surfline has been hyping the latest run of swells we have had, but they have been blowing the wind forecast, calling for light offshores all day and instead we have been plagued by south winds. What would have been pretty epic conditions were consequently torn up and over crowded. Instead of surfing we powered through the majority of the renovations. Ah, so is life. All things considered the job went fairly smoothly, and things are pretty much done; the final touches just need to be put on and the place will look one hundred times better. That should bring everyone up to speed. I have a few blogs that need a little editing and should go up soon. I got a new phone and can’t pull numbers off of it so if you can leave it here in the comments, send me a text with your name, or give it to me via facebook, I would be very appreciative.
Thanks for reading,
 Kooky
To fill everyone in on the blanks.  Micheala came and went.  Her adventure tour will be a rather interesting blog that I have at the moment not had a chance to write.  She almost killed all of us, yours truly included.  Cory never made it out here.  Either that or he is still waiting for me to pick him up at LAX.  That is our running joke since I never heard from him and he has not since returned my calls about said trip.  My birthday is coming up and it will be a solid three to four day party.  Look for a promotional blog about that event tomorrow.  
Brendan is coming back up around the 30th for his trial for his Christmas fiasco.  I am sure we will fuck some shit up with him here.  Kooky has been at Westmont for almost two weeks now. I must say the kid is doing a rather good job and I think everyone likes him better then me at this point.  Heck no one fucks with him quite like they did to me when I first started.  I fuck with him twice as hard to make up for it.  His passport came in the mail about a week ago as well.  Things are looking up for the kid.  If he does not die here in the coming weeks he should be getting barreled in New Zealand soon.    That under deflated air mattress is now flat with a hole in it courtesy of Micheala.  Good times.

Look out for this guy folks.

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This week’s Kooky’s Korner, Kooky Kyle lets everyone in on some of his recent nights at the Wild Cat Lounge here in Santa Barbara and the official bar of Lisanti Land.  Enjoy.

For any regular reader of this blog, you are familiar with Chris’ favorite haunt and if you have visited Lisanti Land the Santa Barbara Chapter, you have probably been to the Wild Cat. The first time I came here I had the opportunity to have such experience. I barely remember walking in the door. Reliable sources have told me I walked up to two girls and told them I wanted to lose my virginity to both of them in a threesome.  Some how that was not met with a slap instead it received laughter. Long story short I ran away that night and almost made it home but over shot it by about a half mile away from the Lisanti Palace(For more on Kooky’s first visit to SB read Kooky Kyle’s Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour and Kooky Kyle Speaks Out).

 With the beginning of our relationship starting in such a manner you can only imagine the insanity that the place has about it. It is so much better than that stupid hipster bar we went to in San Fran, seriously only, “only obscure” late 50’s early 60’s R&B? Fucking hipsters. Wild Cat is the unofficial hook up bar and the unofficial gay bar of Santa Barbara. With that being the case, I have been approached a few times by some people I would never want any sort of sexual encounter with.
The Swingers
 About a week ago Chris, his boy Ryan and I were out on a lurk at the Kitty. I went ahead of them to get a space at the bar to order more drinks. As I am standing waiting for a space to open up this older guy, whom I would guess was in his mid to late forties came up to me from one of the little tables by the bar. He was tall and a little overweight. I figured he was getting in line to get a drink too.
“She is a real looker isn’t she?” He said gesturing to a similarly aged fat woman with short blonde hair seated at his table. This woman was gross. She was clearly tipsy and was in jovial spirits. “She looks like a real keeper.” I said. I figured that it was either his wife or girlfriend and I didn’t want to insult her.
“She thinks you are pretty cute.” Well that was weird. I’ll take a compliment like that any time but this was starting to get a little bit on the strange side.  “Thanks, I like to think so” I replied.  “Do you want to come back to our place?” he asked. WHOA WHAT THE SHIT! Did that really just happen? I was shocked; I barely could put a reply together.
“Uh, baaaa, huuh no?” I answered and got the hell out of there as fast as I could.

Gay Night
Sunday is Chris’ Friday so what do you do at the start of your weekend? You go out of course. Sunday also just so happens to be Gay Night at the Wild Cat. You may question the logic of why two straight men would go to gay night. Well, if there are any girls there at all,  they are either trying just to dance or they are looking for a one night stand. Also straight guys tend to stay away. Chris’ old boss, Steve, was in town and we all went out.

Chris has been a fixture at this bar for a while so the gay guys know he is straight and not to try with him. Me being a fresh face though, no such luck. I had been getting looks all night, but had yet to be approached. Chris was off somewhere leaving me on my way with Steve to grab a drink from the bar.  As we were crossing the dance floor a gay guy with a bi-chromatic fohawk appeared in front of me blocking my way. I was instantly eye raped. Feeling a little awkward he then tried to slip a hand down my pants. WHAT THE HELL!! I thought.
As I sit here writing this I am trying to justify why it happened? Was I being a cock tease? My handsome self at gay night, that is like dressing like a slut and going to a Guido bar and not expecting to get groped. Whatever, I still didn’t welcome the advance. I quickly stepped back and pulled his hand away from my dick. “I’m not gay, man, sorry.” I steadily got away from him. But the ordeal was not over for the night.
Towards the end of the night we worked our way over to the dance floor and were tearing it up. There was this gnarly cougar dancing with three gay guys thinking she was the hottest thing out there.  She was straight gnarly. Twenty-five years ago she was probably smoking hot, but the years of partying had clearly taken a toll on her.  One of the gay guys saw something that was actually of his preferred gender (me), came over and unbuttoned one of my shirt buttons. “I’m sorry, I just had to do that.” He stood there expecting some sort of reciprocation from me. He only received a look of utter dismay and mild disgust.
Now about a month into my stay I am pretty much one of the regulars at The Kitty. Chris has the bartenders in his pocket and while we normally stagger away from there our tab is rarely over twenty bucks. Who knows what the future holds for me at the Wild Cat, hopefully I have dodged enough gnarly swingers and overly forward gay men and some gorgeous women will start falling into my lap.
Kooky Kyle

Post press: Last night Kooky and I hit the Wild Cat with a vengeance.  What was suppose to be a fun night with a mellow buzz became a “lets get fucking shit faced” night.  Bottom line by the end of the night we were fucking wasted.  Kooky Blacked out most of the night.  What ensued was him terribly hitting on girls, stealing the hat off the head of a Bacardi Promo Girl then proceeding to dance like Micheal Jackson wearing it.  The night ended with us nearly going home with three gay guys that luckily my good sense at the last minute saved us.  Good times. 

What Kooky has yet to score at the Wild Cat, a cracked out wild chick.

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The man the myth and the legend

Kooky Kyle showed up at my apartment last Tuesday (my very attentive ass thought he was suppose arrive on Monday and was like WTF) despite warnings from multiple people including my own parents to rethink his decision. Lisanti Land is ok for a week but four months is tough.  That amount of time is enough to drive anyone to insanity.  Look what happen to poor Adrienne.  She stuck it out for almost two years. Im sure her life is never going to be the same.  Since I am lazy and barely post ten blogs a week I thought it might be fun to give Kooky a chance to give his perspective on things out here and life in general.  Also he is embarking on some crazy travel after his tenure in Lisanti Land so he can keep us posted on his where abouts.

Kooky’s Korner will run every Friday.  This is his introduction to it and you can expect the first edition this Friday.  Enjoy. – Lisanti

Here I find myself sitting on the loveseat I slept on last night, staring at a cat that is either losing its mind or dying, and perhaps both. What a way to spend your twenty third birthday. Just kidding. I surfed this morning and will be going out tonight. For my birthday my roommate Nick gave me a free pass to Whiskey a Gogo in LA and a porn dvd he found behind the TV; don’t ask me what he was doing back there. You can check the surf logs for what the waves have been like. I did score one good Pitas session which is not featured in the log: a lot of pgcb and a few good barrels. I also coached my first practice test for the UCSB crew team.

Depending on what work looks like that may be a regular thing for me. Right now I am on the hunt for a job and would like to start restocking the bank account and saving up for New Zealand.  I plan on filling everyone in from time to time with what is happening with my travels and any funny stories, rants, or ideas I have. Basically this will be a mix between me keeping people up to date with what is happening with me and a supplement to Chris’s writings, which may be slow due to winter swells and his overall busy schedule. Feel free to submit topics for me to write and if I deem your blog worthy of writing, your prize might be me sleeping on your coach.

Use your imagination even thought it has nothing to do with Kooky…or does it?

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Back in 2001 the ASP world tour went down to a shortened season as a result of the horrible attacks of September 11th.  As a result two very important world tour events were canceled and CJ Hobgood took the world title.  Unfortunately for him although having the accolade of claiming a world title his name and accomplishment will always carry a little asterisk next to it indicated that it was not a full year and therefore maybe in the minds of some not a true victory.   I say fuck that CJ is the man and deserved that title no matter.

Usually (for those of you unfamiliar with the UCB) the spring quarter runs from April 1st to June 21nd.  This quarter being I completely dropped the ball, shit I only posted 11 blogs in all of June  (thank you for completely taking over my life FRS) I decided to extend it till July 1st and I made the first blog of the quarter worth double points.  Like I said before and I think if you have been a follower here you know how hard the spring quarter has been for me (if your lost read through the April and May archives).  Im not really going to compare it to a catastrophe like 9-11 was, even though I sort of  did.  But all things considered one could reason 2011 has been a bit crazy and somewhat tragic.

Then again back in January I was thinking how boring Lisanti Land had gotten and started feeling I was becoming a drone like the majority of the population.  Luckily for me that did not happen and I have been granted a “do over” in my life.  I have had three already and each time my life has gotten so much better because of it.  A person really close to me told me they were settling and it was killing her.  Maybe I was just settling too, because I just turned 30 this year, I dont really know.  All I do know is that the 5 year plan, and ten year plan are out the window in exchange for no plan at all.  That is how things used to work in Lisanti Land and life was just fine.  I do have a three year and a long term plan, but those are to be discussed in a later blog (don’t forget the novel is coming along very nicely and I am sure it could be a great work of literature).

Enough about me (damn Chris Lisanti is a narcissistic asshole.  Of course I am that is why I have a blog in the first place!).  Lets get down to our Spring UCB Quarter Winners Circle.  The king for the quarter till dethroned is a first timer, Nick the Kook.  Everyone who reads here regularly knows all about the antics of Nick the Kook and I do believe he is with out a doubt one of the most fun surfingruinedmylife.net personalities.  He takes the cake this quarter even if it will always carry the dreaded asterisk.  Kook at least you and CJ Hobgood can have something in common.  By the way, in case you did not already notice Nick the Kook has his own blog now StayWet.net feel free to check it out.  He promises you wont lose you teeth.  As far as he is concerned on the other hand he never knows how he made out the night before till he smiles in the mirror and gets a count of his pearly whites.

Winners Circle:

Nick the Kook: 4 points*
John Mauriello: 3 points
Kooky Kyle: 1 point

Thank you all for playing, and if did not submit any entries then all I have to say is that your blowing it.  Remember 1st prize is a self expense paid trip to Lisanti Land, which includes but is not limited to at least one crazy night at the Wild Cat.  Now who does not want that? Look how well Kooky made out with his first prize just back in march: Kooky Kyle Speaks Out.  Truth be told win or lose everyone has the opportunity to come hang out in Lisanti Land all they need do is ask.   Thanks again everyone for participating and the rest of you for reading and supporting my crazy whimsical fantasy land to which I reside.

Spring was tough for me, but I promise you the worst is over.  The rest of the summer we will have nothing but good times here at Surfingruinedmylife.net. Ok, Im sure there will be some crying, anger and ranting in there too.  According to my statistics it seems you folks like it when I am dealing with adversity more anyhow.

CJ Hoobgood, one of the best backhands in the business.

Your UCB King of the Quarter ladies and gentlemen.

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Its rare that I let anyone else have any word time here at Surfingruinedmylife.net except for in the comments, where of course you can sound off on anything you like.  Kooky Kyle as everyone knows took the UCB championship last year thus winning his self expensive paid trip out to Lisanti Land.  He finally booked and actually arrived to Santa Barbara this previous March.    I told Kooky if he felt so inclined to write up a summary of his Lisanti Adventure Tour and if I thought it worth while I would post it here.

Initially this blog was suppose to be posted right after he left, but as soon as he left my relationship with Ades when bad.   Unfortunately for Kooky his blog got shelved in the vault of unwritten blogs (stay tuned for a possible new segment called blogs that did not make the cut.  I actually write nearly double the amount of blogs that I post.  Some nights I come home trashed from the bar and write the strangest things, some are just ludicrous rants, others just took too long for me to finish and thus the moment passed).  Poor Kyle’s blog fell into that category, most likely never to be seen by the public.

Well my friends although three months late here is Kooky’s take on his week in Lisanti Land.  It was suppose be published right after the “Kooky Kyle’s Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour” Blog . I would give that a perusal as well to refresh your memory or bring you up to speed if your new here, also you can compare both his take and mine on the same set of days.  Similar to the blast from the past blogs I will put any hind sight notes in Red.

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I first met Chris the way many of the SRL characters met him, back in the 3rd ave surf shop. Chris was a messianic like figure, sacrificing himself for surfing instead of humanity. Compared to others from that period in Lisanti Land, I did not get to spend as much time with him due to my predicament of residing in the middle of Maryland the majority of the year. For whatever reason, he eventually accepted me into his circle and much to my displeasure gave me the nickname Kooky Kyle (which to my dismay has followed me to college) I did spend some time with Lisanti building out the now gone Dings on Demand. I told my parent’s Chris was paying me, which was a lie, so I would not have to return to MD.

By my sophomore year at UNCW Chris had moved out to California. That spring, when I helped him pack his things as he got ready to leave NJ for good, Chris extended me his invitation to come visit. I took him up on it and booked a ticket for my last spring break. Due to ridiculous airline rules, my short temper and the circumstances under which I was visiting the trip was botched and our friendship almost ended there. I tried booking again in December to come visit but as a result of some glitch, my connecting flight from the east coast did not have the connecting flight to CA. Third time was the charm and I got out to CA march 11.

Based on statistics this trip seemed like a bad idea. Late season in a La Nina year, all arrows pointed towards surfing blown out beach break. But the best laid plans fall through and when one flies by the seat of their pants they are rewarded. 10 days in Lisanti Land resulted in roughly 24 hours of actual surfing.  And not at shitty C-street or ventura.

I knew the trip wouldn’t be a complete skunking when John got in touch with me and informed me that he too would be in Santa Barbara for my first weekend. It also looked like the surf would be coming to the party. I got on my flight for a change too, and then it was game on. Of course my luck is not perfect, tsunami warnings had my parents fretting . I touched down in LAX and took the shuttle to Santa Barbara, driving up the coast is an experience. “This must be C-street, that must be Pitas, that must be little Rincon, and there is Rincon.  Once off the shuttle I attempted to find the trail to Chris’s apartment but if you don’t know what you are looking at, the thing looks like a washed out strip on the hill. Luckily Chris was out from class early and he picked me up and we checked Sandbar, which was just a little too high.

After checking in with John and Brennan we hopped on the freeway to go surf Rincon, but the traffic was impossibly thick, instead we settled on Hammonds. John and Brennan met us in the parking lot for a sunset session and then we headed back to Chris’s apartment where we pregamed for the wildcat.  Everyone who comes here gets at least one crazy night at the Wild Cat.  Due to a lack of forsight, I neglected to mention my peculiar dietary habits (Kooky does not eat pork or beef, but will eat rabbit and venison) and was only able to eat the dirty rice, which was stellar.

I do not remember much of the shitty kitty, but I am told I was quite entertaining before I disappeared into the night. Blacked out I almost made it home, but made a wrong turn. Adrienne luckily came to the rescue and I passed out on the futon. I woke up $26 gone from my wallet, a handful of condoms, and a blue tire cap in my pockets.

John and Brennan had to head back to San FranFabulous, and once they were gone, Chris and I surfed Rincon, I got some that ran and even got a few turns and a barrel or two. The next day Chris had to head down to Ventura for car shopping and other errands. Since the swell was down up in SB it was a better bet for waves.(see surf log). Anyways, the car shopping was quite amusing, Chris has to be the most difficult person to sell a car to.

Sales person: “What are you looking for?”
Chris: “A car”
Sp: “what kind of car?”
C:“one that drives”

No enthusiasm, no emotion, just total apathy. See the More Shackles blog for more on this. One car dealership had no one on the lot, no prices on the cars and pretty much no one inside. When we finally found someone he brought out a rack of car keys and let us check out the cars. “Yea we should have the deeds to most of these cars” and “Yea if you guys want to test drive you can just take one of the cars” sketched us out about the place pretty badly. I still can’t believe how dumb Moses (the guy whom I bent over when I bought my car) and his whole dealership was giving Chris that car with no money down, a blank starter check, no deed to Sammy, no proof of insurance, and a terrible credit history. If you want to steal a car, Bunnin autogroup can make it happen easier than you would think possible.

Tuesday Chris had to size up some suits so we hit up all the surf shops in town, and being in town we checked Sandbar. Chris was not too excited about it, but considering how rarely it breaks, I seized the opportunity to surf it and made him surf it. At first he seemed pretty pissed about it, but once he got some waves he cheered up and was getting plenty of waves. I actually did get some really fun waves that session although I still think Rincon would have been better and I heard EL Cap was good.

Two days later we hit gold. El Capitan broke.  El Cap breaks good like three times a year. That wave is amazing, the bank there is engineered to create the most perfect spinning pits one can imagine. Sure it was packed as hell, and I had to fight for every wave, but I got a few great barrels, probably the best of my life. It was a bit rattling to have rocks thrown at me. I feel I was completely unobtrusive and stayed out of people’s way, but tensions were running high when we got out as the swell had dropped and the crowd had increased. Whatever, it was an amazing session

Chris has always imparted his fucked up wisdom to his little disciples. Whether it be on women, waves, car shopping, music or life plans he has been through some shit and usually has a worthwhile two cents to put in. After talking with him I have come to realize I can finally do the surf travel I have always wanted to do before I get locked into a career or a relationship (that’s right ladies, I am open for joy rides).

The trip was completely worth it. The food was fantastic, the company stellar, and the surf was great even if the wind was being an uncooperative bitch at times. Though all things considered it kept the crowds down and allowed me to get some waves. I strongly suggest those of you readers out there who have never entered a UCB submission to do so. If you don’t play you can’t win, and quite frankly I feel like Slater in 1999 unchallenged for my dominance here, bored and contemplating retirement. This trip is very worth it, quite frankly if we had an off day of surfing I would not have been disappointed, there was plenty of fun shit to do.

The time period when this blog came out I was oblivious that Ades was unhappy or that she was cheating on me.  I was too busy surfing and it was the last time I would be truly happy till  This week.   Looking back I would not have traded one of those surf sessions to allow for a different out come on things and I’m glad I catered to everyone’s needs who came out here for an adventure tour at least I was able to make someone happy during that time period.

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What a month in surfing up here in the (805)!  March started out super slow and it would be lie if I said that I was not more then a little annoyed with the early month’s conditions (see the surflog for detalis).  Then mid March things began to change and the North Pacific started to light up giving us a reminder of what we all enjoyed on a regular basis starting in September and ending in July of the 2009-2010 NW swell season.  It all started with a great but very crowded day at Rincon and then snow balled from there.  By the time Kooky Kyle got out here things were in full gear and he lucked into the best week of WNW swells of the season (see Kooky Kyle’s Lisanti Adventure Tour for more details on that).

I personally surfed my brains out.  March brought about two wonderful entities that allowed me some well deserved extra water time.  First off there was Spring Break,  and not just one spring break like most people have.  I got two!  Thats right, Westmont’s and City College’s breaks did not coincide with each other but fell adjacent thus allowing me to have one week off from work and one from classes.  Throw in Kooky’s visit, when ever I have a guest out here I feel obligated to get them as much time in the water as possible, and it all equals tons and tons of water time.  Then we moved the clocks forward an hour adding an extra hour of day light and more surf time for Chris.

The numbers were a bit interesting this time around now in their second month.  I have found so far that it seems that when my surf time is restricted I catch more waves then when I have an unlimited amount of surf time.  Also I have noticed that at Rincon I average about 15 waves a session out there regardless of the time I spend in the water.  I froth the shit out of crappy beach breaks where I average about 25 waves per hour.  Here is how it all broke down in the month of March:

Number of Sessions Surfed: 29
Days Surfed: 24
Time Spent in the Water: 50 hours 25 minutes
Number of Waves Surfed: 717
Average Waves Per Hour: 14

Spots Surfed:
Rincon: 11
Mesa Lane: 4
Hammonds: 4
Sand Bar: 2
Emma Wood: 1
Gold Coast: 1
Loons: 1
El Capitan: 1
Dredge: 1
Pitas: 1
Santa Clarita River Mouth: 1

Top 3 Sessions:

3: 3/11/11 PM Session: 3-4+ft, Hammonds
Waves Surfed: 30
Time In Water: 1hr 20mins
I wanted to get  a morning session in but then all the beaches were closed thanks to the Tsunami that ended up being yet another nonevent.  I tried to sneak in at three different spots only to be chased away by the cops.  By the third attempt I was out of time and had to go to class.  I hate closed beaches if I want to drown in a Tsunami it should be my prerogative.  Afternoon came around and my boys Mauriello and Brennan rolled into town and Kooky was beginning his Chris Lisanti Adventure Tour.  After a failed Sand Bar mission we ended up at Hammonds thanks to all the traffic on the south bound 101.  As it turned out the session ended up being super fun even if there was some cross wind on it and sectiony.  I stuck a sick full rotation backside air reverse.   Everyone had fun, Brennan got a great wave.  Good times for all.

2: 3/17/11 PM Session1: 3-5ft, El Capitan
Waves Surfed: 29
Time In Water: 2.5 hrs
EL CAPITAN!!!  EL CAP, damn it finally broke and broke well too.  I wanted to get there by 11am, but thanks to an early morning appointment at the career center at school that ran way too long Kooky and I did not make there till around 1pm.  Upon checking it I could tell it was solid chest to head high with offshore winds and moderate crowd.  We were on it.  It was probably the best El Cap I have ever surfed of course given the fickleness of the place it was also only my 4th session out there ever.  It works out that I get about one session there a year and this was it (maybe I can squeeze one more in, only time will tell).  I ended up getting a solid 50 yard tube through the bottom of the point.  Sure I had to scrap like a mad man to do it, but I made it happen.  Then in the last half hour the place just got mobbed to the point where it was so crowded I could not even turn to take a wave with out running into someone.  Apparently a group of rascally locals threw rocks at Kooky and told him to go home and some old guy cracked his head open and was bleeding all over the place.  Cheers, Jeers and epic barrels, just another great day at EL Capitan.

1: 3/24/11 AM Session: 5-8+ft, Rincon
Waves Surfed: 14
Time In Water: 1hr 45mins
See blog “Bad Decisions Lead to Great Outcomes”

 

That amazingly gigantic burger is all I have to say for the waves in March!

 

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The winter quarter of the UCB came to an end as of April 1st.  Let me be the first to congratulate everyone on a job well done.  It was a very tight race this quarter coming down to a mere half point.  Those half points seem pretty silly, but they do add up.  We had a double points blog courtesy of John Mauriello (There is Something About Shuttle Cocks).  Kooky Kyle took advantage of the UCB Grand Prize, a self expense paid trip to Santa Barbara to spend a week in Lisanti Land you can read about his adventures in Kooky Kyle’s Lisanti Adventure Tour.

Its been a ton of fun as always, but enough of my wordy bull shit, after all you have to put up with that everyday.  Lets get on to the winners.  Remember this is only the first quarter of the year there are still three more to go.  So if you did not win this time around you got three more tries.

1st Place: Kooky Kyle with 5.5 points
2nd Place: John Mauriello with 5 points
=3rd Nick the Kook with 2 points
=3rd Brennan with 2 points

If you did not win but got points on the board dont sweat it cause the year end title this year will be determined by most accumulated points rather then most quarters won as has been done in the past.  Get those topics flowing in and take Kooky Kyle down for a change.  The promises to buy a round of drinks at the Wild Cat for who ever beats him.  That round will be three Adios  Mother Fuckers that will ensure a shit show of a night.  I will even sweeten the deal with an authentic Chris Lisanti used condom…Yummy!

Its feels good to be a champion

For winning the winter quarter Kooky gets one crazy night with these two lovelies

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Since it is the end of the winter quarter of the UCB and although I cant officially claim a winner yet I have to assume that Kooky took the win once again (look for the winners circle blog by the end of the weekend).  If one was to read the actual rules and regulations of the UCB they would have noticed that whomever takes the year title also wins a “Self expense paid vacation to Santa Barbara California to spend a week in Lisanti land living the blogs instead of just reading them.  You get to buy your own plane ticket, sleep on my couch, get burned by me at Rincon and have at least one crazy night at the Wild Cat”.

Kooky won for the year and finally after two botched attempts to get here courtesy of our great friends and masters of incompetence over at the airlines made it this past March.    Im not going to lie at first I was a bit apprehensive about Kooky coming to visit.  I never really considered the guy a good friend, but more of a friend of a friend being that he was John Mauriello’s best friend.  After he screwed me out of an all expense paid trip of a lifetime to Costa Rica with my millionaire Russian friend Vladimir I was a little angry at the guy (he has since more then atoned for his sins).

Rules are rules and he has shown more commitment to SurfingRuinedMyLife.net then I have and its my blog.  I could not deny the guy.  This year has been a tricky one for surf here in Santa Barbara being a La Nina year (well I think the scientists have agreed on that now that year is just about done.  I will have to check with Sindia for expert advice on that one.)  Between hit and run NW’s, crazy weather and tsunami’s who knew what to expect for the kid.

As luck would have it he was rewarded with the most consistent week of waves we have had all season and it was WNW swell allowing for him to score plenty of great Rincon and the crown jewels of Santa Barbara El Capitan and Sand Spit.  I have had friends who have been visiting me for years out here yet to surf either.  Heck Im lucky if I get to surf El Capitan once a year and Sand Spit more then a handful.

One thing I have to say while on the subject of surfing is that I was very impressed with Kooky’s surfing ability.  Part of the reason for his nickname was due to his lack of surfing prowess.  One of my biggest fears was that the poor kid was going to get his ass handed to him at the majority of the spots here.  He found plenty of good ones and held his own even at the most crowded El Capitan I have ever seen and Sand Bar, which is one of the most competitive lineups out here.  Kooky kudos to you.

Kooky Kyle is one useful motherfucker.  The kid is like a walking encyclopedia.  I don’t think there is a single topic out there the guy is not familiar if not all knowing.  Any time I had to get something accomplished he usually had the answer.  Apparently he is a master at survival too.  So if I ever am going to be marooned on an Island “Lord of the Flies” style I would definitely hope Kooky gets stranded with me.  The dude makes his own arrowheads.  He was also a very helpful set of hands in the kitchen minus his slow ass water conserving dishwashing technique.

He even got to experience a UCB all stars weekend here in SB when Brennan and Mauriello drove down from San Francisco his first night in town.  We all went out for a wild night downtown or in other words the Wild Cat.  Unfortunately I think someone must have slipped something in my drink and I got very sick throwing up all night and well into the next day.  At one point I told Ades that she may have to take me to the hospital.  I survived in the end.

In the midst of all the confusion poor Kooky got lost on the streets of Santa Barbara drunk.  Somehow he meandered his way up to Albertson’s, a grocery store about six to eight blocks from my apartment.  I guess it would not be a true Chris Lisanti downtown experience if someone did not get sick and someone did not get lost.  At least this time no one got arrested or lost any teeth.

All in all I think Kooky had a pretty awesome trip.  I know I had a great time and Im sorry for all the bad things I have said about the kid over the years.  I am definitely proud to call Kooky Kyle a true friend any time and will always have his back.  So there you have it win the UCB for the year (tally of who takes the most quarters) and you too can come out here to Lisanti Land for a self-expense paid adventure.   I had Kooky write up a little blog of his own on his take of his adventure tour.  I have not read it yet so that it would not affect my partiality when I wrote this blog.  Stay tuned for that soon…

Two crazy guys having a crazy time.

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